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Hello and welcome, come back to the I can show. I'm gonna open us up with a little something different today. It is Saturday, May second. Hopefully I can get this posted by tonight or tomorrow, but it is officially May, and that means it's Mother's Day month, and we got some stuff we can talk about with that, just real quick. But the last few days heading into May, and I know you guys are gonna say, wow, this is really unlike you, but it has to be said. I was
and still am just feeling on fucking edge. Every little thing was pissing me off, and every little thing was just setting me into a fucking nervous breakdown. And that's actually not really like me because having a seven month old baby who's just learning to stand and getting into stuff and putting himself in dire jeopardy every thirty seconds. You would think, you know, I'd be losing my cool, but I'm not. These last few days though, it's not
even him, it's everything, everything I touch it. It's like, why the fuck was this designed this way? I fucking hate it. I'm throwing it away, like the TV remote anything. Everything was pissing me off, and I'd be scrolling, scrolling, scrolling on all the social medias and this post popped up and I was like, ah, wait a second. And I'm not one to get on board with the astrologies or the retrofuge or the venus backwards, but this got my eye. Just wanted to share it with you. It says full
moon in Scorpio May first through the second. This one goes deep. Do you guys feel it? And it says every year around this time we meet one of the most intense full moons of the year.
And you can.
Probably feel it already, Emotions rising, old wounds getting triggered.
I hate that word.
Reactions stronger than usual. This is not just another full moon. This is full moon in Scorpio. We can't go deeper than that. And it says, what is this full moon about? Scorpio is ruled by transformation, depth and truth. It brings up what we usually avoid, hidden emotions, jealousy, control, possessiveness, past wounds, trauma, resentment, grudges, power dynamics, endings, letting go, life, death, rebirth cycles. This is the sign that says, look at
what's uncomfortable, because that's where the truth is full. Moons illuminate, and so I'm not one to put blue marangu taint rub on or any of that stuff. You know this about me, but there are certain aspects of spirituality that I of course agree with, always have. I don't know what the moon is, but I do know that it has an emotional influence on human beings. And as a woman, your cycle is supposed to line up with the moon and shit like that.
I don't know.
Mine's never been right. Maybe the moon doesn't like me, or maybe I've been pharmaceutically damaged, probably the latter, Thank you guard to sell, among other things. But yeah, I just was wondering if anybody else was feeling a little bit on edge emotions messed up big time, And it can't only be me, because obviously whoever made that post is probably feeling some intense emotions as well. But yeah, hopefully this subside because this is not a type of attitude to want to be in for long, I can
tell you that. But we got a lot of fun stuff to talk about today. It is the month of Mother's Day, and because I post erratically, I don't know if I'm going to get to say Happy Mother's Stay right on the day, so I just wanted to say it now. By the time this rolls out for the free feed, it'll probably be closer to Mother's Day. So all you ladies out there, mothers who listen to the show, Happy Mother's Stay. This is my first Mother's Day as an actual mother, and it's the first Mother's Day I
feel like I'm actually going to get to enjoy. Because for those of you who are longtime listeners, you already know this. But my mom passed away in twenty seventeen, and we were best friends. She was my soulmate, if you will. We were thinkett thieves, best friends, ride or die, and she passed away and I could never enjoy Mother's Day after that. It was a source of some real suffering every time it ran around. But this year's different.
This year I get to claim it as my own, and while I wish she was here and I know that she is looking out for me and my baby, I get to enjoy it as being a mother myself, which is really cool. I feel like I should buy myself a present. You know, the most toxic saying on earth, go treat yourself. But I might just do that. It is a cause for celebration, especially all you single moms out there. I see you, I fucking see you, and.
Happy Mother's Day.
It did occur to me though, as I was thinking about, Oh Mother's Day, and you know, I can't wait till my baby's older and he can comprehend it.
Maybe he'll make me.
A little craft out of a styrofoam cup or something that's the sweetest thing ever, some little homemade craft for Mother's Day. I'll cherish it and keep it forever. I used to do stuff like that, But it occurred to me how many things I did as a kid just.
To make my mom happy.
And I hope I don't do that with my own son, but inevitably it'll probably happen, because if he's anything like me, I just wanted to make my mom happy at all costs. Here's an example, I was a full blown adult when I realized that I don't have to eat the peel of a baked potato just because I'm having a baked potato. That was something my mom wanted me to do when I was little, and I did it just to make her happy. But I gagged that bitch down. Okay, we
used to roll through Wendy's. All the other kids are getting chicken nuggets, little cheese, burger ketchup. Only No, my mom would get us cheddar bacon sometimes, and I didn't enjoy this as a kid, cheddar broccoli, baked potato at Wendy's. As an adult, I met people who didn't even know the baked potato option was a thing at Wendy's because their mom was getting chicken nuggets, their mom was getting French fries.
Not my mom.
No, We'd roll up at the Windy's, get a cheddar bacon loaded baked potato, and asided chili. That was my Wendy's experience until I was an a dope. Okay, I didn't even know Wendy's had other things. Anytime anybody said you want something from Wendy's, I'd be like, I really don't want a baked potato right now? That just does not sound good. It is the middle of summer, it's a thousand degrees outside. I really don't want chili or
a baked potato. But she would say, I'd get done eating all the guts right, all the deliciousness of the synthetic gas plastic as melted cheese and baco bits or whatever they put on the Wendy's baked potato, little sour cream that had a horrible after flavor, and you know, I'd get to the end and I'd be looking at her like, is she gonna say it? Oh God, please, Maybe this time she won't say it. And she would every time she'd say, you better eat that peel. That's
where all the nutrients is. And I'd say, Mom, you know, I really don't want to eat the peel, and she said, that's where all the new treance is. You're gonna eat that peel. So I'd sit there, I'd choke that shit down, I'd gag it down, I'd cut that bitch up. She'd say, when you're older, you learn you just cut the peel up as you eat the potatoes, so that way you don't have to just sit there and eat a peel, and I would every time dodge the peel until the
very end. I thought I was the only one, though, who did stuff like that to make their mom happy. And then as an adult you realize like, oh, I don't have to eat the peel if I don't want to. And guess what, I don't want to. And when I make mashed potatoes, I grind those fucking peels up in the garbage disposal after I'm thoroughly peeling all the skin off.
Of that bitch.
And yeah, maybe it's loaded with nutrients. I take liver supplements.
I'm good.
I don't need to eat the potato beeal. But my first husband, God, my life sucks. My first husband also did this. When I caught him one day, we went through the drive through somewhere fast food place, McDonald's or Taco Bell, whatever, and he ordered his food with a sprite and he was sitting there eating his food and he took a big sip of the sprite and he was like ugh, And I said, oh, is it flat? He goes, No, I just don't really like sprite. And I said, why did you get they have other stuff
other stuffed in sprite? Why did you get spray if you don't like it?
Oh?
You know, my dad, every time we would go through the drive through, he always got me a spread. He never even asked. He just always would order me a sprite with whatever. And I said, you know, as an adult, you can order the roupyr, the coke, the pepsi, whatever. You don't have to get the sprite. And he thought about it for a second and he was like, I just you know, I don't know. I just when they asked what I want to drink, I just say sprite.
It just comes out subconscious programming. Our parents do it to us, the government does it to us. School systems do it to us. We grow up with a system of indoctrination from one way or the other, even from people we love. And I'm here to tell you, as an adult, it's time to step back, take inventory of your life. Are their habits that you, yes, you do on a daily basis or every now and again, that you actually don't know where it comes from?
How did I find out I don't have.
To eat the pela the potato even though I'm sitting there grown ass Because I went to Wendy's with one of my friends and I was like, I'm going to run to the bathroom really quick. Can you just order for me? And she was like, yeah, what do you want? And I said cheddar bacon, baked potato, and aside of the chili, and she said, oh really, oh okay, well yeah, all right. She got something delicious like some kind of strawberry walnut salad and she got a frosty and fries.
Probably canceled out the salad, but whatever. And she was sitting there eating a delicious meal right in front of me. I had this potato and I started choking this fucking peel down.
She was like, that's really gross. Why do you do that? And I was like, that's where.
All the neutrae in the peel and she was like, well, if you don't like it, why are you? And it just like things that we do, we don't even notice that we do, like eat the fucking peel of a potato when you don't want it, order a sprite when you hate sprite. But I'm so grateful for my mom. You guys, she was the funnest, coolest mom of all time. Potato peel be damned. She I mean, we used to
make homemade pizzas like from scratch. She got this little chef boyardy pizza maker kit It was the funnest Friday night you've ever spent. We'd watch scary movies all night and she would light these little candles all over the house.
It was just cozy.
As an adult woman, you find out how important a skill it is to be able to make a home cozy, like what your mom used to do for you. Maybe your mom didn't do that, and I'm so fucking sorry that you didn't grow up in a cozy home.
It is my mission in life as.
An adult female, to make whatever space I'm living in as cozy as I possibly can, because it's just, you know, you catch a whiff of something, it takes you straight back in your mind to a memory and coziness and like warm scented candles and all these things. They take me straight back to a sweeter time, and I hope to create that for my child.
We're not doing. There's this whole thing that started at some point.
I think I was in like high school, because my sister bought a new house and I noticed how horrific it was. They started painting everything white. Everything's white, the kitchen's white, with white cabinets and white tiles on the floor and no carpeting, and everything is just white, white bathrooms. You go to order kids toys now, if the if they can make it white, they will, or gray or gray's or some form. They've like, they've like sucked color all the cars at some point they were just like,
we don't make cars with color anymore. You get gray, black, white, or some form of beige. That's what you get. And if you look at any establishment, everything's bricked white, gray, beige, black. They've literally sucked color out of life. I don't know if anybody else has noticed that, but as you can tell from my lovely home in the background, fuck that nonsense. I don't know who the fuck wants to fucking live and how that looks like a dentist's office, but not me.
And if I were ever to find a man who would accept me as I am, and what I'm going for is somebody who's stable, established wants to buy a bitch of house and take care of her kid.
I'm not saying it's possible.
I'm just saying, if you know there was Robin Williams showed up as the genie in his dead ass corpse form in my living room and said, you can get three wishes. First wish, rich guy who's mentally stable, halfway attractive, wants to buy a bitch a house and take care of his kid. Maybe his family's got money and they trickled some down to him. I don't know, maybe they
died left him a fortune. I would look for a house with some type of oak cabinetry, maybe some carp We could replace it if it's gross, but carpets.
I got a kid.
I don't need him running around banging his knees up on everything. You know.
I would like.
Nice warm tones in the home. We're not going for graye We're not going for beige, white, or black or anything like that. I like a nice, toasty, cozy home, and that's what I would be looking for. I know a lot of women. I see it with Joanna Gaines or whatever name is the Magnolia home that all these women the dream home looks like a dentist's office. To me, gray marble, white cabinet tree.
Who the fuck wants that?
That looks ugly?
I'm sorry.
And if you have that in your home, we can still be friends and just disagree, you know, we can have a different path if you will, But anyways, I just want to get that out of my system real quick. Maybe it's this full moon that's got me impassioned, but it's something else I've been thinking about because of the topic we're going to be going over today. I wanted to be two things when I was a child. Anytime a teacher would ask, I would only give one of
these two answers. An archaeologist because I wanted to dig up mommies in Egypt specifically, or a mortician. I wanted to cut up dead bodies, embalm them, put makeup on them, put a little hair piece on I don't know what they do, and work at a funeral home. And with the amount of SRA survivors I've discovered who say most funeral homes and churches are wrapped up in this shit, it just I would it would not be something that would be on my radar as an adult. I'll tell
you that right now. I went to hair school, so it doesn't matter. Okay, I'm trailer trash over here. But I had dreamed as a child, because they tell you can be anything with limits. I wanted to be an archaeologist or a mortician, and I think it's just because I have a dark sense of humor. I wanted to dressed up dead bodies, cut them up. I have a morbid fascination obviously look at the kind of stuff that
we talk about. But they're like, when you really think about the funeral home, most of the time, it's shit that stays in families. It's like a generational thing, and then the sun grows up and he goes to school and then he becomes the funeral director or the mortician, and the shit is generational and stays in families. That's why when you look at a lot of funeral homes, it's like William's family funeral home or you know, fill
in the blank family funeral home. And it might be by design that there are not a lot of outsiders
welcomed into family run funeral homes. And I actually looked into what it would be for me to get a funeral director's license with schooling you'd have to go through, what training you'd have to have, and I was like, hmm, I'm not about that action because it said even after you go through all that becoming a funeral director and taking all the training and the embalming and all the the likelihood of you finding an open position is slim to none.
That's what it said.
Because a lot of funeral homes don't really welcome in outsiders. It's like family business. And if you look at a lot of churches, it's also there are some that are grassroots that just anybody can become a member and start fucking They got t shirts and shit. But if you look at the big weird churches like the Cathedral, ass bitches,
a lot of those are family. And I'm not talking about Catholics, because you know that's they got their whole altar boys situation and they love outsiders coming in because anyways, I'm talking about these churches you pass, the First Church of the Christian Scientist Jesus and the First Church of
the Nazareni Savior and whatever. A lot of the times it's families that have for generations like could they grow up and then they take over and then they get old and fucking die and then they're and so you gotta think to yourself, it has to be extremely easy for these rituals to take place. And because these families know about each other and for generations have worked with
each other. So you hear about stuff and you're like, well, wow, wow, fucking how are they getting away with Like they just go to church, random churches and they got the stuff, funeral homes and all they know each other. There's connections there, okay. And I know bt K buying torture kill Dennis Rader whatever the fuck his name was, he was like a deacon or something in the church. I mean, they look sometimes for these psychos to be part of this stuff,
and it's a club. They all know each other. They go to out back steakhouse together and you think they're normal and you see him and you're.
Like, oh, Pastor Tom and his.
Family they're at Ruby Tuesday and they're eating croutons together. Listen, I don't care if Pastor Tom takes his family out to Ruby Tuesday and eats croutons together, they enjoy a little salad bar action.
I don't give a fuck.
These people look normal and then you find out it's anything but behind the scenes. But before we get into our topic today, it's an SA race survivor.
I know.
I said I'd take a break, but I can't. This stuff is fascinating to me. I don't know, you know not all of you said it, but maybe some of you are getting tired of it. But I just am not tired of it. It's just some of these stories boggle my mind and fill in a lot of blanks for me. But before we get right to the biscuit and gravy, maybe I should. Maybe That's what I'll do for Mother's there. I've really been craving a good biscuit and gravy. I just take the time and make myself
a biscuit and gravy. I could go to a restaurant, but I prefer homemade. Okay, we ain't doing McDonald's drive through biscuit and gravy up in this bitch we be getting out bags of bisquick over here. But without further ado, let's get to today's apothe carry cornter. Maybe there's something in here to deal with how bitchy I've been with this full moon coming on, it feels like my period's coming on too. What a deadly compination. Oh boy, let's see here, got any cramps, Got any tank cramps? That
sounds horrible. That sounds like it would be very un comfortable right in the middle of your day, and you just get a tank cramp. Come on, how do you explain that to somebody? Got step aside for a second. My taint's cramped. All right, let's just go ooh, herbal self blessing wash. All right, let's see no dong or anything in this. This sounds pretty easy. A cleansing herbal wash to promote self love, clarity, and spiritual renewal. This might go good with the full moon that's coming on.
This ritual wash is perfect for creating a sacred space, grounding your energy and fostering a deep connection to your inter self. I would reckon them in this for the taint, to be honest with you, because if you put it on the taint, you're definitely gonna get to know yourself. And that's that's like straight to the dome. I would say it's the equivalent putting herbal self blessing wash on your taint. And I will do this because I need some help. I got problems up in here. It says
to put this in your bath water. If it's going in your bathwater, it's definitely on the taint, So taint approve. Half cup dried lavender flowers, half cup dried rose petals, half cup sorry, fourth cup dried can do La kl and Dola flowers, a fourth a cup of epsom salts, one table spoon rose water and a few drops of rose sandal wood and frankinsense. Swore the herbs in the water or use it in massage oil to infuse and
cleanse your spirit. All right, Well, that's great to know, and that's going to do it for today's apothe carry corner. So I found a little video for us, and there doesn't seem to be an interviewer speaking, although I do believe there is one, and they've just edited themselves out to where it's only her answers in succession, which thank you because some of these and I hate to shit on fellow podcasters, but it's like, be quiet, shut up.
And so.
And it's like if I hear Tony Merkle tell the fucking dog man story one, it's like, Tony, we know. And if anybody has listened to your show at all, they fucking know, and they have heard this shit. We know. It's almost like, if he has a mixer or a soundboard, he should just record himself saying that story and put it on there so when it comes time to say he can just press the button and he's got it ready to go. Just a little short snippet of him saying, the dog mans, so let it go, let it go.
We don't want dog manmo. So I just don't be liking some people's interview styles. But that's okay, because today it is a succession of answers from a woman. Let me pull this bitch up. I've done forgot her name. She's old and this stuff happened to her back in the day. You know this ain't no spring chicken we're gonna be listening to today. She looked like she's in her sixties or seventies, and obviously this occurred some time ago.
All right.
Her name is Mary Knight. I don't know if that's a pseudonym. Her last name is spelled like kay n Ight. Sounds like it could be. And the title of the video was her family made her participate in their scary rituals Mary Knight's story.
So I'm just.
Gonna it's a little disjointed because she just starts saying stuff, but it's it's really cool. I just gave you that little intro, so you know what the fuck we were getting ourselves into. And I in my opinion thinks she's almost talked herself out of thinking she went through what she went through like some really scary stuff, because she'll be like, well, I mean, I thought I was stabbing babies and the coorate, but it could have just been like a doll or something.
And they told me I was drinking baby's blood, but it could have just been mountain dew code red or something. And they told me I ate a chunk on my sister's thigh, but it could have just been a little greasy, jerky bite. Like Now, bitch, you've been through some stuff, and it's okay that it was scary and weird and terrifying and horrific. It's okay to admit that. But I think she's got herself convinced that it didn't even never happen. But let me shut up and let's get right to
the biscuit and the gravy. Hang on just a moment, and here we go.
My name is Mary Knight. I'm a survivor of ritualistic child abuse, child sex traffic incests, and other extreme forms of child abuse. I did have a rendu's childhood, which included I was used in tel pornography I was also sex trafficked by being taken to motel rooms of men, by being sold to in my front yard of my childhood home, close to my swing set, I actually saw men hand money to my mother. It was a group of men, and I was sexually assaulted. This happened throughout
my childhood, including my teenage years. I remember being brought to hotel rooms of men as a teenager.
Some of my.
Abuse could be considered satanic ritual abuse. I know that's a controversial term. My definition of satanic ritual abuse is that it is extreme abuse, physical and sexual, and that it involves multiple perpetrators and wore.
Multiple child victims, which mine did. My earliest memory is of.
Being sexually abused abused by my father. I was also sexually abused by my mother. I was sexually abused by other family members, grandparents, and one thing that I would consider satanic ritual abuses, I was put in a coffin. I was put in a coffin with my sister's body. She died when she was eleven and I was nine. What I remember about it is that even though her body had been mutilated and I'd had to watch and participate in that which I also would consider satanic abuse.
When I was put in the coffin with her body, I was glad to get to be close to her. I knew, you know, I wouldn't. It was the last time I could be close to her, and I remember touching her hair. And one reason I know it's true is if I were writing a story, if I were making up a story about a child being put in a coffin, I would never think that the child would be happy to be close to the corpse. But I
didn't consider it a corpse. I considered it my sister's body, and I like to get to touch her hair one last time. My parents led a complete double life, and they went to church three times a week. I was well dressed at school. There were no bruises where they would have been detected. I didn't remember my abuse except for all it was going on, so I couldn't report it to anyone because I when it was going on, I was around abusers, and I didn't remember it otherwise,
even as a child. Some people with recovered memories remembered their abuse up to a certain age. No mine was just while I was being abused. I remembered it otherwise I wasn't aware of it. That enabled me to make good grades, because you know, I didn't think about my abuse when I was at school. I was always afraid of my parents, and I didn't know whine, but I couldn't ever say I was afraid of my parents. So my sister died of cancer. She died of brain cancer.
I know she died of the illness because I saw her in the hospital. My parents did not murder my sister. I know for sure my parents didn't murder my sister. What happened after she died, I think is that the funeral home picked up her body, which is usual pick up the body from the hospital. But what's unusual is they brought it to my childhood church and in the middle of the night or in the very early hours
of the morning I was. I was brought to my childhood church and outside, and that's where my sister's body was mutilated with a knife. The knife was placed in my hand, and abusers do that to make the child feel responsible for the abuse.
That was a really hard memory for.
Me because I couldn't imagine how did anyone get me to stab my sister with a knife, even though she was deceased, but when I finally remembered it, it was actually very simple. My father said do it, and I did it. I knew that he had to do what my father said, and that really explains a lot of what they were able to do to me throughout my life. Was I was told to do it, and I did. I don't know if the funeral home owner was in
on it, but the employee definitely was. After the instant and before the funeral I was made to have with the employee from the funeral home. I've tried to find out like I can. I found out who the owner of the funeral home is, and I wasn't able to talk to him, even though the receptionist said she'd passed
a message alone. He's now retired. But I don't know if he was in on it anyway, because on the I have research to some so the death certificate has the person's name who was there at the time the funeral was officiated, but that could be a completely different person than the person who handle the body prior to it being put in the coffin, so it was a
close casket funeral. I will say after that happened, one thing I know that happened more often was my father would come would have sex with me at night.
Another horrible memory though.
Is because my sister and I were in the same room, is before she died, my father going to my sister's bad.
I mean, both are just horrible.
So one of the ways I was abused, and this is common in Satanic ritual abeus.
Was see, this is how fucked up this shit is. Can you imagine sitting there with little brain cancer suffering like that and your daddy coming in and raping on you with your little brain cancer.
I just can't.
My stomach is fucking sick, you guys.
I just had to say that.
By me being made to witness other children being abused. And one of the incidences that is without question satanic ritual abuse is I was told to bow down to Satan. Now I didn't want to do that, but I was convinced that if I didn't do it, there was a baby there who would be killed. So I did it, and I remember regaining that memory. I remember God just saying to me, you didn't do anything wrong, Mary, You did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong, And I know
I didn't do anything wrong. And as an adult, if I were in a situation where a child's life was threatened, I would do absolutely anything to avoid the child being harmed. One thing that commonly happens with Satanic ritual abuse is that children are put in coffins. And what I know I'd say this about Satanic ritual abuse is we know what happens because there's so many survivors like myself, But when we start trying to speak out.
Were made to appear crazy.
And so most people are not willing to speak out about it. I know people who come to me and tell me disclosed to me who I'm in, like I'm in, I'm on Facebook with them. They don't disclose to anyone else.
One was a minister.
She said she didn't think her church could handle it, and she did go public about insist and she did go public about being a survivor of child sex trafficking. But she has not gone public about being a survivor of Satanic ritual abuse. And so did anyone question that with my parents? Well, no, but there were people who knew about it. There were other people at my childhood church who knew about it. There were other people and
my childhood church who did similar things. For example, I was sexually abused by multiple adults on church property.
Because there were other church.
Leaders, including my father, my parents were highly respected at church. Now, not everyone at the church abused children, but my parents weren't the only ones, so it was easy to hide. I don't know that there were multiple employees at the funeral home who were in on it, but I know there was one employee. And it just stands to reason that the owner of a funeral home has to have employees that can't be available twenty four hours a day.
No person could do that. But I've heard from other survivors of satanic ritual abuse things that happened inside funeral homes. And you know, after the incident I told about, I was taken to the funeral home and more things happened to me there, including communion was desecrated. I was told I needed to eat a part of my sister's body and drink her blood.
I know I was.
I was tricked because not too many years ago I regained a more full memory of that, and it was a communion way for place in my mouth. It took me a long time to remember the taste of it, but it definitely wasn't my sister's body. It was the kind of communion way for that is commonly used by Episcopal Church and Methodist Church, and.
Not the kind of communion. It's not what we used at my childhood church.
So I think they were trying to mess with me to horror, they would make it to where it was difficult for me to be a member of any church.
But they didn't do it. I still like taking communion.
It's okay, Mary, if you ate a sliver of your sister's christy ass diye meat, Okay. I know. Maybe they did just give a communion wafer christ checks, as I like to call it, looks like a little cereal. They gave her a little christ nil a wafer. I don't know, but I know that they beat. If you listen to Fiona Barnett, they really do be making kids eat, other kids stab other kids do stuff like this. So maybe they did just give her a little nil a wafer.
Well christ Check, But nine times out of ten she probably a phase of her sister's krusty little thigh.
But back to the story, it's.
A beautiful Christian ceremony. And my views about Christianity have changed and become more liberal, but I still really treasurer taking communion. No one besides me, I mean, I have not heard anyone else say my sister's body was mutilated. I do have siblings. They inherited my parents' estate, which was a multimillion dollar estate. I was disinherited. I don't want to have my sister's body at zoom. She's still
my sister. I don't want to do that. If I did try to do it, I don't think i'd be able to because, like I say, a brother of mine is executor of this state. So I don't think I could even if I tried. But the other thing I thought of is how much trickery is you? Because what happened at the church, when I know it was my sister's body with soft tissue damage, you wouldn't You couldn't
tell that from exuming the body. And then what happened at the funeral home when they said they crushed her skull with a hammer.
I mean was total mutilation.
But I don't know what was my sister's body.
I mean, if my husband was murdered.
Today and they started doing all this torture of me and saying that this was my husband's skull that they were crushing with. I don't know that I think they could trick me today. You know, I'm sixty seven years old. I think they could trick me today because I would be in such an emotional state of of what was happening to my husband's body that I think they could still trick me. So was it really her body or was it someone else's body? And this is what Satanic
which will abuse survivors do. I mean sometimes they use an a the mole's body and say it's a person's body.
And this is another.
Incident I do want to talk about because I would say this is one of the ones that I would say with Satanic ritual or could be considered Satanic ritual. I do not know that my parents were worshiping Satan. I absolutely don't know that. They never said they worshiped Satan. They said they were Christians and they went to church three times a week. But what they did was they said that they were using fetuses, and you know which
I would have considered babies. I was four or five, and I had to stand there while they sacrificed them on this like an altar, and they were at the top of the hill. I was at the bottom of the hill. But I don't know that those were human. I mean, I don't even know. How hard is it to trick a four or five year old and I was standing some distance away. What I remember clearly is that my feet hurt.
I remember that I was wearing.
Satellites borts, which are hard leather shoes. That's the kind of shoes kids wore at that age. And I remember my feet hurting so bad that I would try to stand different and then I would try to it would stand on the side of my shoe and different things because it was so hard to stand for so long. Now how long was I standing there, I don't know. I was four or five years old. It could have been it could have been fifteen minutes. That could seem
like a long time. They just used trickery so much and then people report this happened to me.
And they're not believed.
Well, yeah, that's why they trick you. I know I was raped once by someone wearing a police uniform. I really don't think it was a police officer, but that got me afraid of the police, and I didn't remember that until well, I remembered. I started remembering abuse at age thirty seven. But yeah, that's when I remembered. And I really I don't think I have been sexually assaulted ever by a police officer.
And you want to know why, I know this bitch is legit.
This woman, excuse me, she's convinced herself it didn't happen. It was so horrible, so horrific, so horrendous. She's convinced herself it didn't happen. That's how I know she's legit. Not like some of these looney tunes that come out and say about the Blue Avials and the pleadeals and the going to Disney in their mind and stuff, which some of that could be true.
She's convinced her self it didn't happen the way it did. That's how I know it really did.
Anyways, I'm yeah, I'm now able to be less afraid, But I mean i'd be afraid if I saw a police officer and I was going below the speed limit, I would still be afraid, and I was slow down, so it wasn't a rational thing. My worst memory is the one of my sister's body being mutilated. But if I were going to tell you some of my other memories, you would be surprised. They weren't my worst memories. So before that happened to me, One thing that happened, and
I tell about it in my memoir. At age six, men came to my house, to my childhood home, and my father.
Took eight millimeter footage of it. My mother took the money from the men.
I remember my mom being on the porch and being hand cash by each of the men, and then I was a rope was put around my neck and the other end of the rope was tied to a tree. My sister and I had witnessed our kittens being killed by hanging, so I knew what happened if they dropped me, and each man abused me and then would hand me to the next man. And I remember, I mean just I was really badly hurt, and I I remember one of the men telling my dad, you went too far.
She's gonna die. And I heard that and I hoped I would die. I mean, it was but I looked over to my mother for comfort, and she just looked at me like I was an insect. I mean, she just looked at me like I was nothing. And that's when I that is when I wanted to die wasn't after the physical abuse. It was that emotional abuse that my mother just looked at me like I was nothing.
But that's when I.
Looked up and I saw what I like to believe was God. Some people would say it was a near death experience, and it could have been. I was really badly hurt, and you know, some people would say it was just the sun moving between the clouds or whatever. But I felt a connection with God and that connection has helped me through my life. So yeah, so that inctant had happened. And then my mother brought me in after I was so badly hurt by the group of.
Men, and.
She bathed me, she put she put me in bed with clean sheets on it, and you know, I thought things were better, and then she sexually abused me.
I mean, you know.
It was that was obviously a long and horrible abuse that included emotional, physical, and sexual and I was six. I will never know how often I was abused in rituals. I will never know how often I was abused in rituals. I will never know how often the incest happened, because thankfully I don't have all my memories. I don't ever want to remember everything. It's just too hard. And I believe my memories come from God and they come to
me as needed. I have memories when it would be helpful to me in my healing, or when it would be helpful to another person in their healing.
Recovery. Memories is really hard.
I mean, it's emotional, it's really tough. I had hypnosis, which but it's not the kind of hypnosis like you see on TV. The hypnotist. The psychologists who hypnotize me just got me in a relaxed date. I didn't even realize I was hypnotized because I knew I could get out of it at any time. I knew I could stop any moment I wanted to. My ex husband came to my first session of hypnosis because we just want to make sure she wasn't telling me what to believe.
But she wasn't, and so then after that, rather than him take time off work, it was just better for me to just bring a tape recorder.
So that's why I have the tapes.
I just wanted, you know, just to know and be able to prove that she didn't lead ask leading questions, and she absolutely did not ask leading questions. I've transcribed those tapes.
There is more known about.
Ritualistic abuse, and that's because people there's agencies now offering services to child sex trafficking survivors. I didn't know I was a child sex trafficking survivor. I knew my father took pornography of me, but I didn't know that counted as child sex trafficking because he was my father. I didn't learn that I was a survivor of child sex trafficking until after, until I was well, until after I had done all the filming for my am I crazy my journey to determine if my memories are true, and
I was looking for a fiscal sponsor. Someone suggested a sex trafficking organization and I'm like.
Yeah, but I'm not a survivor.
And I know so many other survivors of child sex trafficking who did not realize, and adults who were trafficked, like by their boyfriend, who didn't realize it was trafficking. So now that that's being recognized, there is a percentage of child sex trafficking survivors who are also survivors of ritualistic abuse. I personally think every survivor of ritualistic abuse I have ever talked to is most likely a survivor of child sex trafficking.
You know, they were sold, the.
Money probably exchanged hands or something of value, and that something of value may have been access to other you know, child victims. I mean, my parents would trade with other people and things like that. So that still child sex trafficking is whenever anything of value is exchanged for the child's innocence.
So I was.
Contacted by a sex trafficking organization and they said when they knew, they know I'm a survivor, and they know I am willing to I'm also a professional. I'm a licensed independent clinical social worker.
I can do training.
So they asked me to do training because they are getting so many of their clients report ritualistic abuse. I mean, it's being so common. And one thing they wanted to know a really good agency. One thing they want to know is should we put this on our initial intake form? And I said, I don't think so, because they're not going to tell you right away anyway. People aren't going to say that until they know that they'll be believed.
We're so you know, in the media, in so many ways, we're disbelieved, and so I think it's good that you know they come in as Chile sex trafficking survivors, and then they get services, and then they're willing to disclose. So I really want to be a voice about the Satanic ritual abuse. Just publish my memoir in November.
My Life Now.
Essays by a Chile sex trafficking survivor. I'm really proud of it. I worked on it for years. The longest essay is how I healed. People asked me like, how did you heal? I I used to have bidromyalgia, I used to be basically disabled with chronic pain, and I'm healthy now.
So I wrote out all so.
Many different suggestions. I wrote out so many things, very specific things that helped me heal.
And so that was Mary Knight's test Simonti and the reason why slrray survivors this is why I think it's important to sift through these interviews.
The reason why they are.
So disbelieved is because they have skated out some absolute lunatics mixed in with some people who have actually suffered, and it's hard to sift the true stories from the unbelievable, bizarre, most likely faked stories. Not that the ones that are actors are necessarily lying. I think a lot of this if they say, could be based in truth, but we know that they mix this shit up, so it confuses us, and it also makes us not believe that people like Mary,
who probably really did go through some horrific shit. But anyways, what did you think? Your thoughts, feelings, pensions? I got a shout out that I want to talk about on the next episode. Hopefully I don't forget, but yeah, if you're getting this before Mother's Day, After Mother's Day, Happy Mothers Day, Thanks for listening, thanks for being born, thanks for being here, thanks for being awesome mothers, and I
love you. Don't eat a piece of your sister's crusty brain cancer riddled SRA abuse corpse doesn't sound like a good time time. Do use the apothecary corner suggestion if you feel like you are about to rage fast, take care of yourselves and I will catch you on the next one.
Try a state.
Presents are up the zer