Hot Takes and Headstones

Music. Well, howdy, y'all, and welcome back to another episode of Corks in Cowtown. It's Robin and Monica.

We're back, and we may sound congested. Yeah. We both have, our allergies are attacking us, and we sound like we smoked a pack of Pall Malls on the way here. But we didn't. We had coffee, so we're just trying to stay hydrated. Yeah. What better way than with caffeine? Caffeine. Yeah. Exactly. With sugar water. The bitter bean juice. The bitter bean juice. I love that. The struggle's real. Well, I missed you. I missed you too. I know it's been a whole like week. Week. Yeah. But still. I know.

When you finally decide that you're going to go back to Kansas, I'm going to have withdrawals. Trust me, I am too. It's hard. I don't want you to go back. Well, I don't want to go back either. But the whole thing, like honestly, at this point, I'm just like, it sounds silly, but I'm starting to worry about my in-laws. Yeah.

Because like we so often are like they're cooking with them and like I mean they're capable of doing things but like also you know with his mom yeah like Han's mom I just like being there so that way if something were to happen heaven forbid that they at least have us as backup also I'm not gonna lie I miss Pepper I miss Kitty Cat and her little snuggles apparently there was some drama the other day is So we always like call and check in with the in-laws. Yeah.

They're my in-laws, but like obviously Han's parents. Yeah. We called and checked in. We're like, well, you know, how's Pepper doing? Is she behaving? Pepper's now getting like three meals a day thanks to his mom because she just literally spoils animals. Like the dog gets ice cream and steak. Like Pepper's getting three meals a day. But his dad said that he went on the porch the other day and that he was just like, what is that sound?

Like something was like rattling around or whatever on the front porch and he couldn't figure out what it was.

And they had put up some boxes near pepper's cat house whenever the wind was really bad to like make sure and block it and there was a possum on the porch and i was like what and so i was like but was pepper okay was like pepper trying to fight the possum like i have so many questions, and so apparently pepper was let inside to like protect herself from the possum but then he was just like we were like well what happened and he was like well i shot it and i

was like that is just the most country that's the most kansas like just like shot he was just like why just shot him there on the porch and i was like gosh i can't imagine shooting something on my front porch except for a snake but like also like possums do have their moments where they're like really cute but also i know they're hideous but they're so they're like great to have around for what they like get rid of other like rodents and like bugs and shit they

get rid of other rodents i believe so yeah, they like are literally like garbage disposals everything that you don't want around they get rid of as long as they keep like spiders and snakes away I don't care what any animal does I just want it away. That's really all I care about their tails are just anything that is half naked but did you know that their lifespan is like super short I think they only live like two or three years,

Because everyone kills them on their front porch? No, it's just like that's their just natural lifespan. Really? Yeah. Okay, that is kind of sad. Isn't it sad? Especially when you see like their little babies. Their life is so short, yeah. Oh, that is kind of sad. Well, now I'm upset. Yeah. Well. My dad used to shoot the neighbor's dog all the time. Pellet gun. I was like, what? Monica? Yeah, because my dad like worked like the night show. So he would try to sleep during the day.

And it literally, you know, we talked about wishbone. It literally looked like wishbone. But it would sit at the fence, like right by my parents, like bedroom window and just bark all day long. So my dad would get like his pellet gun. He was like, listen, how like you'd think that after a couple of times the dog would be like, I get it. Like it's so the dog is like Willow. Yeah. Just doesn't learn a lesson. Consistent and stupid. Cannot learn a lesson. Oh, my gosh. That kills me.

Well, also, speaking of in-laws, I was dying because I don't know about you, but obviously, you and Clayton have been together for so long. Yeah. That, like, you've had a relationship with his family, you know, since, like, y'all were in, what, middle school? Yeah. So, it's a lot different. But, like, I was, you know, fast-tracked through the family.

I had the fast pass. Yeah. And so you're super lovable. So there's no. Well, it was just like I just basically said like, well, it's either you love me or you don't like we're going to figure it out real quick. Yeah. But Han's dad is, you know, your typical like you've met him, but he's your very typical, you know, like southern country, like doesn't really talk unless there's something to actually talk about. Yeah. Like, yeah, things need to be educational. He's very analytical. Yeah.

But like his one of his favorite things is anytime I'm suffering, he thinks it's the funniest thing on earth. Like if I've had a bad day and I like tell him about it, like whenever I was like going through issues with like getting my passport and stuff, he thought it was like the funniest thing on earth.

And so one of the things i've learned and it's like their generation and like whatever, but he hates tipping yes and so i know i've told you about this it's like so he's like the world's worst tipper yeah and so finally i was like i can't tolerate this because when we hans and i just go places up there because there's a whole three places you can go yeah like i want to have a good reputation when we're going to eat dinner yeah and i don't want them

to be like oh here comes the cheap asses like you know whatever and so typically i tell hans i'm like.

The tab yeah like you you get it like don't let your dad get it and his dad's always like i can get it you know whatever so we end up having this discussion because he like doesn't want to tip a lot one night and i'm just like do you know how much servers make yeah and he's like well probably like more than i do and i'm like no like you know you're being a little dramatic whatever, And so I kind of explain how like servers like get paid, you know, that also you get taxed on your tips, etc.

And he just kind of is like processing this information. So we end up going like a couple weeks later, we go out to lunch. We had to like run some errands. So it's like me, Hans and his dad and his dad sitting across from me. And he just very calmly like puts his arms on the table and crosses them and leans towards me and goes, I want to argue with you. And I was like, this is the best moment of my life. And I leaned back and I was like, what do you want to argue about? Let's go for arguing.

Like this couldn't play out any better in my mind. Then it's just so funny because he was just like, I want to argue with you. And I was like, OK, let's go. And it's funny because Hans is so just like chilled and laid back. But I think his dad now knows he's like, well, he's like, Robin will talk shit back with me. And so he was like, well, if this is how much a server makes, you're saying, and this is how much they're getting tipped. This is like what they're making in a day.

And I was like, you're not factoring in all this stuff. And so we're literally at lunch at a restaurant. And I go, you know what? I said, I'm gonna make this really easy for you. And I waited for our server to come over to the table. And I said, hey, I said, I hate to do this, but I need to ask you a really inappropriate question. I said, how much money do you make? Yeah. And I said, is it 213 an hour?

Because that's the average like in texas yeah and he's like i make 230 an hour and he says and then you know with tips he was like on average you know like if it's like a really good day i go home with like 80 bucks yeah and so he like kind of explains things from like his perspective and whatnot but it was so funny because by the end of like lunch so i'm sitting there and i was like okay i was like well you just heard it from like the horse's mouth yeah like not just

me i'm not bullshitting you like this is the way it is yeah and he just kind of sat with it like processing everything we get our tab and like for the three of us it's like i think our meal was like 40 dollars yeah and he put down a 50 and he looks at me and he goes is that a good tip i was like yes it is yes it is so i won yeah the argument but i was so proud because he before probably would tipped three bucks. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what it is about that generation where they just don't.

I mean, I understand that like.

Tipping has kind of gotten out of control like you're asked to tip on everything but yeah we, clayton and i are the same way it's like we'll either pick up the tab or we always will put extra cash down on the table like as we're walking away so we're like we know that you just got stiffed and i'm sorry exactly because that's the thing is i always want to just be like we'll get you next time but it's so scary i know i'm probably not going to be invited back to this restaurant

Yeah. They have your picture up on the wall. They're just like, don't let them in. Do not let them in. Yeah. It's like, have you ever seen that movie Waiting? Oh, my gosh. Yes. It's the funniest movie. But I can just anytime I'm in a restaurant, I just imagine the worst shit going on in the kitchen. Yes. Well, that's the thing is, like, I remember my very first, like, serving job, anything was, you know, at a country club. Yeah.

So in Pekan, I was a hostess, I was a waitress, and then I did, like, expo, then I moved to catering assistant. So then I was lucky because, like, I was in a, like, small area, and it was all through high school.

So I got to move up really fast through the, like, industry and do fun stuff. But it taught me so much and I'm like dead convinced I think that every single child should have to work in the service industry at least for like a six-month period out of their life yeah just so. They know how to treat people they learn how.

To handle like conflict resolution whenever someone's being rude to you about something yeah like it teaches you so much right but yeah that's my thought at least people are very aggressive when it comes to food which yeah is understandable like we've talked about it before like if i order a steak or something and it's not cooked right i'm not oh yeah no i'm sending it back yeah but yeah i feel like people assume that the waitress or waiter is back

there cooking their food as well so it's like if it's not prepared the way that you asked for it don't be a shithead to your waiter just send it back just be like this is not how I ordered it can you well speaking of that I went to Chumlee house finally and so it was Alexa and I went to Chumlee house and we like sat down I've been dying to go just because like it looks so cute yeah and I'd heard good things and like you can't get a reservation yeah to get in so

we ended up going at like 5 30 which is fine with me because that means I got to be in bed earlier now which I'm super into these days but we went and I really liked it because like they give you your like little appy things that you get at the beginning is they pour you like a tea and then you get like a savory scone oh with like butter which I mean who doesn't want bread and butter to begin any type of meal yeah. Like, amen. Thank you. So we did that. And then we got like a chip, like one.

It's like a chip and kind of like French onion dip, I would say, I guess. But for like our main course, we did like a steak. And so we got the steak and some places like their medium rare is like a little rare. Yeah. And so we went ahead and we just ordered like medium. Well, it came out like medium rare rare. Yeah. And so we said, you know, like, oh, we're so sorry. Like, you know, do you mind like cooking it just a smidge longer?

Yeah. I can't tell you how fast it was that like they took care of it. The manager came over. He was like, hey, he's like, I just want to make sure like we're taking care of that steak for you right now. If there's anything else, like here's my name. Tell me. Yeah. And I was just like, that's how you keep business and retain business is you immediately like you address the issue, you apologize and you're just like, hey, we're fixing it. Yeah.

And I think they ended up comping the stake. Oh, my gosh. And I was like, that wasn't even necessary. But like, it's just like that will make me go back. Yeah. Because they like came back. He came over like a couple more times and just checked on us and was like, you know, how do y'all like everything? Like, is it your first time? And I think Alexa had been there before, but I hadn't. And I was like, this place is great. Like, I love it. Yeah.

So props to Chumlee House. Amazing service. I'm so glad to try it. I want to try it. Yeah, we have to go. It's just a really good vibe. I really like that Fort Worth is getting some of these nicer restaurants and things that are different experiences. They have this almost like creamed spinach dish, but it was spicy. They have some... So it's supposed to be like, I think they say... Almost like a European steakhouse. But then it has like some, I want to say, Indian flair. Oh.

And like, that's where I think the spice came from. And I could be completely wrong. Don't quote me on any of this. But like, it was so good because it's just nice to have like something that you haven't had somewhere else. Yeah. That everyone's not like, oh, everyone has that dish. Yeah.

You know, so I highly recommend. I mean, I would highly recommend a Waffle House if the service was that one million percent yeah like service makes a huge difference and of course food obviously is a great reason to keep going back to a restaurant but yeah i mean if your experience kind of sucks the first time it's hard to justify going back no that part that's why like my whole thing about like drover with like 97 west i've said i gave it three

chances and each time I was disappointed and I just won't go back. Oh, really? I've never had a bad experience. I'll go to the bar. Yeah. Their bar is nice. I was like, their bar is great. Great espresso martinis. I was like, I will support their bar, but their food, no thank you. I just love the smell of it. Of what? Of the driver. Like when you walk in. I don't know what their smell is. Whenever those hotels do like signature scents.

My favorite, yeah. Which I think that you can actually get candles from them now.

I think you can. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I was like, I just love all that stuff. But what else do we need to talk about? I have a lot of notes. Do you? Yeah. What's in your notes? Well, one of them is obviously, you know, like late at night, I always write things down because when I can't sleep, my brain goes to weird places. One of my notes says, why are kangaroos so scary? Because they could fight you.

But like, once again, it's the whole thing of like, why are cute animals like some of them terrifying? Like those little like, like all types of like aggressive cats. Yeah. Like if it's like, it can't look like a friend if it's not a friend. Why friend shave? It's not friend size. Lurph, whatever. Like, I just don't understand. And like bears. Yeah. You can't tell me. Like, I'm never going to get over. Bears have those teeny tiny ears. Yeah.

And those big paws and i'm but then they have big claws like it's just not fair i don't like it i saw a video the other day of like a girl like swimming like in a lake or something and but she's getting attacked by a crappy barber. A capybara and it's like it's like legitimately trying to drown her, And it's the funniest thing, but I know this girl is probably the fact that you said crappy Barbara. Because that's my favorite thing is once that guy's name, Frank, whatever.

Oh, my God. He does. I love him as he does the like voiceovers. Yeah. Creepy Dave. Creepy Dave. Creepy Dave. And then he also does like the dog. He's like, look at my fancy bottle. I just can't. It literally mispronounces every animal's name. Oh it makes me so happy oh what is his name it's creepy dave it is creepy dave but like his handle on like oh my god instagram is like i think it's frank something i don't know it would be frank.

But yeah it's i'll have to try to find it and show you because it's actually, why do we find things like terrifying like experiences for other people fighting for her life that's the thing is she was like fighting for her life and we're over here just cackling but here's the thing if that had happened to me in public i would expect you to laugh also and then i'd like if i started drowning i'd expect you to like act but otherwise like i'd expect you to fully enjoy it regardless of how mad

i get in the moment yeah but i mean you've got to, once it's done and over with it's like you're you're questioning everything it's like what happened in my life where i was attacked by a capybara literally like was this thing just having a bad day because they're normally like i think was it rabid i don't know i don't know if they can even get i didn't know they could swim oh yeah they swim i mean i feel like most Are there animals that can't swim?

Don't hippos? They don't swim. They actually, like, run underwater. That's even more terrifying. Isn't it? Yeah. Well, because they're supposed to be, like, very deadly. They're some of, like, the most dangerous animals. Yeah. It's like, I'm going to avoid bodies of water. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think that they actually swim. I think that they, like, run underwater. Oh. And they're super fast. Han started making me watch this, like, I think it's on, like, Netflix. It's, like, Our Planet, whatever.

And it's, like, one of those, like, nature documentaries. Does it have, like, Morgan Freeman narrating it? No, it has David Attenborough or someone. I don't know. I don't know. Some guy.

Put on anything with Morgan Freeman narrating it. I'm in heaven. One million percent. But it's like one of those things where like it's like so. My question is on these nature shows, how are they filming them? I don't know. Because like I get a drone, like whatever. But like and then they're just like, oh, well, we're going to follow like this one mom in baby zebra. And I'm like, how do you know it's the same one? Exactly. Yeah. They're not tagged.

How do you know? And how are you getting your videos so close up? It's like. It creeps me out. What was it called? Was it Meerkat Manor or something like that? Where they just follow like these little like families of meerkats. But like. It's like, how do you know that that's who you're saying it is? Like, do they have like a lineup on a wall with markings?

Do you know text? That's Steve. that's bill like i just yeah i it blows my mind because there was one and it's talking about these penguins that first of all penguins are hilarious like it's these penguins that basically live like on land not in like antarctica which i guess i'm stupid that i thought that the majority of all penguins had to be somewhere like freezing cold and no they don't yeah but it's the penguins with like the crazy like yellow whiskers out their eyeballs. Oh, yeah.

And so it's like these and like so they'll have the mommy penguin and the daddy penguin have the baby penguin and the dad stays with the baby while the mom goes and does all the work like most mothers. So this mom like waddles and cliffs, cliff dives into the ocean and will be gone for a couple of days and get food. And they live, you know, up on this like massive rock where the like waves are just crashing and crashing. and she just has to time it perfectly to get washed up onto the rock. Yeah.

And half the time she'll slide down. She has to do it again. And I'm like, cut her some slack. And then she has to waddle all the way through the forest and they have this whole trek filmed and they like have all these angles of her going through the forest. And I'm like, where did you find the time to get onto the rock that the penguin can't even get onto and set up all these camera angles?

I just it seems fake like and it's like why are you not helping her she's obviously struggling, help a mother out it just stresses me out so also that's how you get around in like Cabo though if you've ever taken a water water taxi in Cabo like you have to wait for like a wave washes the boat up on the sand and then you've got to like wait until it comes the wave like goes back out to be get on it. Nope. Yeah. It's terrifying. Yeah. No, I'm not about that life. Yeah. Hit me with a marina.

It's like I'm about a marina life. Like I want to dock. Exactly. No, I just thought it was the wildest thing, though, because we couldn't figure out what to watch. We actually have found like a couple of good shows to watch, but we needed something in the meantime to like break it up. Yeah. Because we've been stuck on like war movies.

Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I know Clayton's the same way so but we get stuck on like war movies and I'm just like I need something like happy but then he puts that on and I'm watching a penguin struggle and it's making me sad because then the next thing you know she's going into the ocean and here comes a killer whale yeah yeah oh I used to love killer whales like the documentaries and stuff where they show like.

Lions like eating like attacking like a zebra or something it's like help help that zebra out i'm like how like are you people like insane i know we shouldn't interfere with nature but come on yeah there's just sometimes i'm like can you please do something yeah i did see that there was like a little documentary crew that was like in antarctica and all these penguins got stuck and they couldn't get up a hill and they were like the crew was like crying and they

were just like we're not supposed to intervene we're not supposed to intervene and they ended up digging them like a walkway so they could get to the next place and i was like thank god like the whole thing is like yes you're there to like witness nature but also like don't you think if you you're already interrupting nature by being there yeah so like help them out exactly but yeah it's like those nature bridges you know those are nice yeah yeah there was

one part of that same show or whatever it was talking about a crab migration you want to talk about some animals that needed like the amount of them that got run over yeah yeah and like they're like teeny tiny little babies but like they like swarm this entire area. And I was like, get those suckers a nature bridge. Yeah. We were in Cozumel one time and we like rented a Jeep and they're all over the road.

And you can't, you just, you had to just run them over. It's so mean. But also why are crabs like so scary looking? I don't know. Did you, nevermind. I was like, it's, people need to watch the show because I got way too invested in the crabs and like the crabs are like.

Literally cannibals yeah like the big crabs will eat the baby crabs and I was like what's the point but also it's really funny to watch them like shake their babies off oh my god because they literally are just like they like shimmy shake and they like shake the babies off into the ocean and I'm like of all things I thought I never needed to see yeah it was a crab shaking its eggs off and now I like am absolutely fascinated with their little dance so just normal things but in

other news of things i've watched we started watching we because once again like you just see a preview for something you're like i need something like yeah entertaining and we were we've been watching war and then we've had like our series and so we're like let's watch something different i love a documentary yeah the kings of tupelo what is a. Documentary that has quite literally everything and i need everyone to watch what this documentary has brother elvis impersonators it has the

plot that people if people remember i didn't even remember it really but whenever there was like ricin sent to obama when he was.

In office that's involved in this documentary one of the brothers for everybody it literally yeah it's literally like stefan like this this documentary has something for everyone the cia is involved when are the cia not in um that part but the cia is involved one of the brother's wives is also having an affair with the other brother she's also super into receding hairlines that's what she thinks is sexy like there's like it's just the wildest thing there's a dog named

moo cow like i can't tell you enough it's three episodes that's it it's three episodes and you think that at each one you're gonna be like wait what and like you continue that up until the very end yeah but it is the wildest thing and i just need everyone to watch it because it is crazy yeah it's three episodes because the producers are probably like all right we can't take you're gonna feel like you took drugs before watching each episode that's

like the wild and wonderful why yes virginia that's got to be one of my favorite one million percent it's like a train million percent not take your eyes off of it no and that's the thing is this one of my favorite things to introduce people to when they've never seen it when they're just like what i'm like sit down yeah watch history unfold.

Let me tell you about the white family from west virginia the obvious i watched a deal a while back I think I might have told you about it and it was like a deal about West Virginia and how like.

Absolutely gorgeous it is but there's like oh yeah these mining towns that have just basically been like abandoned but i mean everything is so like beautiful there it's a little sad that it really is i mean but if you probably go into the woods you're it's probably like you're gonna hear dueling banjos yeah yeah you're gonna get sodomized probably yeah i was like yeah i would not go to cook meth yeah well that's the thing is like there's

gonna be people barking speaking languages you've never heard like i'm out on that i just can't but yeah i was like i'm just very convinced that was it mystery science theater where they like sat in front of the like show and like commentated on it the whole time i'm just convinced that we should do that yeah because Because first of all, I know our commentary in general day-to-day life is amazing. Yeah. But can you imagine us like sitting down and doing like something like that?

Yeah. Or like us hosting hot ones? Like that would be great. But instead it's like you get a stronger and stronger martini each time. It's like this one has a drop of vodka. Clayton asked to be a whole heckler charity golf event. I was very confused of what a hole heckling is i know when he first was like yeah i gotta ask i was like who's hole i know you what is this i'm not invited to this i hope.

Oh but i will i wish that we were invited because but it's like literally so like set them up at like a table like at a certain hole on the golf course is it like the ones on tiktok yeah like badger the golfer how do you get this job i know do you know how good we would be at that i know that would be phenomenal i want to go so bad okay well tell them that like when is this is it is it for charity it is i think what charity it's one of the firefighters

that was a flower mountain firefighter that passed away in 2022 they do like a annual golf event that's awesome well if they need more people yeah we're we're available i will make sure i'm available for that yeah i was like that would yeah i would love that yeah that would bring me joy i just i want a shirt that just says whole heck because you know everyone would just be like what is that just everyone what is that what's going on what is that so some of the

things i also have on my notes are things that i've seen in the news recently yeah. Did you see the thing about a corpse being mutilated in Houston? No. Well, it's not what you might think. So obviously, like the headlines like, you know, corpse mutilated, whatever. Yeah. I guess it was in Houston, but a funeral home, not director, but like someone who works there. Yeah. Found out that the person coming in had been a sex offender and castrated him. Wow. And now she's facing time. What?

For mutilation of a corpse. And I'm just, I think she's a little too late. Yeah. Well, first of all, we need, how did anyone know, like. He'd been arrested. But no, I'm saying like, how did anyone know that post-mortem she castrated him? Oh, I don't know. Was his family like, before he's in the ground, please let me see it. No, literally. Or was she wearing it as a fucking necklace or something? She used it as a weenie whistle.

This is why we can't. It's not funny. It's okay. Yeah. It's an Oscar Mayer weenie whistle. I gained a little whistle. Still my favorite movie. Yeah, no. I just thought that that was the wildest thing. Because I get what she was trying to do. She was trying to, like, be like, you know, screw you, dude, but, like, also, a little too late. Yeah. But also, do we think she really deserves punishment for that? Is she going to serve jail time or just, like, pay a fine?

Yeah, I would pay that fine gladly. Yeah, I would. I mean, I get it like, yeah, I don't know. The vigilante weenie. I literally can't. Things I'm just like, I really just can't with it.

I just saw the headline. I was like, is this real? And then I had to like, basically any time now that I'm just like, is this real? There's so much clickbait. Yeah. I was like, I go and I make sure I can find like three more articles that say the exact same thing. And I was like, okay. I was like, I just need to make sure it's real. I've gotten so lazy. Like on stuff I normally will just like go straight to like comments. And I'm like, somebody, please tell me what this is about.

Oh, yeah. I don't have to open this fucking article. One million percent. But that's the thing is like if it's something actually of like importance and I'm going to talk about it, I'm like, I need to actually make sure it's real. But also my favorite place on the Internet is the comment section. Yeah. Why? Here's once again, why are people so funny?

I don't know. yeah definitely my favorite like it just literally makes me so happy to know that, someone somewhere has our exact sense of humor yeah there's so many people like that's the thing is like there's times where i'll just like be reading something and i'll just start dying laughing and hans is like what's so funny and i'm like read these comments he's just like and i'm like it's great i showed clayton one the other day and it was this guy like videoing

himself playing soccer and kind of giving like motivational like speech to himself like just to anybody watching but he had his shirt off and of like fucking full c cup like one of the comments i went straight to the comments, one of the comments said not my proudest wank. I can't why I don't know but it's like, somebody's got to tell this guy you know this family is probably like hey like Christmas they're just like we got you a Spanx tea.

We got you some skims yeah does skims do men's probably i know spanks does that's hilarious yeah no i, i just there's some things recently that have just been taking me out yeah one of the things has been taking me out is my husband you've gotten to experience more and more hans isms Yes. And I have started writing down some of his best ones.

I mean, is because so the one you got to experience as we were at Anthropologie and we're doing one of our favorite pastimes, smelling candles, smelling candles, just like shoving them in each other's nose and be like, sniff this one, sniff this one. And so I think you were sniffing on your own little aisle. Yeah. And so I found one for Hans to sniff.

And I was like, oh, what do you think about this one? and he said it smells like a french lobster and we immediately had questions immediate questions red flags everywhere i'm so confused because i'm like first of all are there french lobsters.

Have you smelled one before where did you smell one you've never been overseas yeah like i have a lot of questions what does a french lobster smell like yeah the candle scent was rosemary focaccia and sea salt of all the things because so Hans probably doesn't even know what focaccia is he could have just been like oh that smells like bread no said french lobster so the other thing he said that in obviously given the context of things and in the moment it's obviously a

million times funnier but he said you're begging for a cruising he didn't get it right that you're cruising so I was like crying over that I was like what like he stops me dead in my tracks so often because he says stuff like that and then i'm just dying and then my favorite thing to do is typically like this is normally where i get his best commentary is i like to just poke his nipple because he hates it so much. So he said, crab hours are closed. Go turn butter.

Please turn some butter. Yeah. So because he always says, put your crab crimpers away.

So if anyone needs new sayings, Hans has got you. Don't you worry. Also, I don't know how he lives day to day. His phone is always on silent. He's insane. He's literally just insane.

I don't know how he survives down and he's like oh i know i was just like he'll be like oh i missed a call from someone he'll call them back and then they don't answer i'm like put your phone, take it off silent you maniac like what on earth also when driving obviously like going from like fort worth to kansas we started going like a back way like 281 so we can avoid like 35 when possible, and so this is just the difference between like men and women and driving i

think and then also just i know how you and i drive is like we're driving with a purpose yeah we're trying to get there as fast as possible with as minimal incidents and as minimal bathroom breaks.

So he was just like hey did you know that you passed brahms ground whenever you drive this way, and i just looked at him and i said no brahms ground like brahms like the the ice cream place yeah but i was like no why would i know that yeah like why would i know that information, and he was just like oh i didn't know if you knew or not i was like why would i know that information the amount of useless information that you hold i was like i'm so confused of this but it's

just so funny because he's like constantly always on that onyx yeah looking up land and stuff and i'm just like this is what you're doing while you're driving is you're looking up who owns what land that you're passing so that was very entertaining to me because i was like no i'm listening to a podcast about murder more important ideas over here it's like i'm trying to make sure that I'm taken care of if anything ever happens. Oh my God. But yeah, so I thought that was very entertaining.

Men are so... Yeah, the amount of useless information that they... And that's who you should talk to about your World War II headstone. Talk to Clayton. No, literally. Hey. Be like SOS. Well, that's a whole different thing is like we'll have to talk about that on the podcast another time is I found a World War II headstone in our backyard, guys. So now I have to figure out what to do with it. If you have any connections at the World War II Museum, please let me know because

I don't want it. If you're a grandpapa. Yeah. I was like, I don't want it. Like, I just feel like it should not be in my backyard. I want it to be somewhere safe and sacred that it belongs. Yeah. So. You got a World War II soldier just hanging around your backyard. No, thank you.

Hard pass. Get it out of here. Mm-hmm. I don't want it. Because it, like, already is chipped on a corner. Yeah. And I'm just like, no. Like, I, like, someone restore it. Like, have the family take it. But the weird thing is, like, you have all those records, like, so many of them online. I looked up the name and everything and I can't find anything about it. So I'm just like, it says he's dead. I hope he is. Is that a prop?

I don't know. That's the thing is I'm like, I don't know. So how do you find out? Yeah. I don't know. So if you have contacts. Get the CIA involved. They're always involved. I need my little FBI agent listening on my phone. Yeah. So anyways, is there anything else?

I had a moment yesterday. we had like the girls did their little booster thaw in their school well they did like a fun run yesterday so we went and watched them and i had a mom where was it i like at their school i had a mom come up to me and she was like hey you can't name a podcast episode i've got lies you cause panic in the second grade everybody thought there was a little ice out and i was just i like i had a second and i was like holy fuck people that my kids like

other people are listening to this podcast so i'm like they probably think that i am a psychopath and i should not be responsible for children but yeah i was just like oh my god should we call this one i'm gonna call cps oh my gosh yeah so yeah i had an epiphany yesterday i was like holy fuck there's people that are listening to this oh no i love that though well make sure you share it with your friends. Yeah exactly yeah you can only complain if you share it with one other person.

That way we know yeah yeah well i mean it got people's attention yeah, did you say all press is good press and then my mother-in-law she was like i didn't know lily have lies like did you fucking listen she doesn't have but it said i've got, these people just believe the clickbait it worked it worked yes, we need lily to come back with some more commentary so we can use it for the podcast oh god but the mom yesterday she was like it's nice to know that i'm not the only one that's

struggling seven or eight year old i was like yeah they're all oh and then she because she's like part of the pta and she was like just wait until they're older she was like because she, spends a lot of time with the fifth graders helping them with like putting the yearbook together and she was like they humbled me real quick, I had one of them ask me if I was having financial problems because she she got she pulled out a generic brand hand sanitizer and she goes you don't have touch land,

are you having financial problems I was like, I fucking hate kids. Why are they so funny, though? They're the worst. Have you seen that video where, like, this mom comes home and she's like, well, the principal called me today and said that I needed to come in and talk to him because of something our son said.

And so she goes into the principal's office and is like what happened and he's just like well he's like i'm sure it's nothing but like i just had some concerns your son today said that he lived in a crack house she was like what and there's like literally a crack in their foundation outside the house and he's like it's a crack house yeah lily clayton found videos on his phone the other day because they'll get our phones and like record themselves oh i know they love

my phone yeah she's like in our laundry room talking like she's got youtube followers she's like thanks guys for coming to my channel click the like button like follow and subscribe and then she like takes her followers on a tour of our house and then she like literally tells people how rich we are i was like dude she can't go around telling people we're rich like. I just love that kids have no concept of what anything costs. No. Yeah.

It's insane. Well, what was it? Didn't you say that, was it Lily or Andy? Something about, you know, Clayton was trying to teach him how to save money. And then they were doing something like Clayton had to take some money out. And he was just like, one of the girls was like, I guess we'll just never go on a family vacation again.

No it's because we were like it was at christmas time and we clayton's got his cousin has like four kids he's got a nephew and i've got anisa nephew so normally around like christmas time we will either get like gift cards or just put money like in a christmas card form because there are all different ages you don't want to have to go and try to buy presents for like one million the whole range of fucking teenagers so we just give them money and lily saw us putting money in envelopes

and she was like upset she was like are we don't because we tell them all the time we're like no you can't just have this we don't have the money for it yeah or we can't do this we don't have the money for it we've got the fucking money for it we just aren't gonna like let these kids like do every little thing that they want to do but she so she saw us putting money in these envelopes and she was like well i guess we're not gonna go on vacation,

we don't have any more money it's like you're fucking a right we're not.

No my favorite is still the fact that you have that ornament on the tree that you say santa cam, yeah it's and they will tell on each other at the santa cam oh it's so good though it's but the lens came off of it like did you fix it I fixed it but they saw that they're like the lens had like popped off and they're like this isn't even a real camera so luckily I had ordered a second one and I was like this one is I pulled it out and I was like I got another one.

But I think Lily's at the age now because she asked me the other day, she was like, why do our presents say like from mom and dad? And I'm like, just don't worry about it. I was like, Lily, I was like, let's be real. The logistics, I was like, one man can't go to every house in the world and give kids presents in one night. I was like, Santa asked us to do it. Yeah, we have to do it. Duh. He tells us what you write in your letters and then we help him out. Yeah, he sends it to us. It's fine.

Everything's fine. It's a joint venture. Yeah. I love that. I know. Well, does Lily's school want to sponsor an episode? I want my kids to keep going to that school. Amen. They'll be like, get out. Get out. Take your kids with you.

Just next time you go to one of those things ask the moms be like if everyone could actually gather around and you can give us topics to talk about on the podcast yeah either that or they're gonna be like how come we never see you at a pta meeting and you have all this time to record, because you wouldn't like what i have to say.

That would be the biggest thing i would say yeah i don't think i could do that no i almost like.

Started responding hateful things in a group the other day because it was like, for chaperoning a field trip and so they like put all of the parents that volunteered to chaperone like in this like group message thing and i was like after the first five minutes i was literally like how the fuck do i get out i just want to be like we should not let the majority of the people on this group like chaperone anybody yeah they can't i don't know how they woke up and

got themselves like ready for the day i it really does make you wonder about some people's kids i know where's chicken nugget when you need them i don't know i love chicken nuggets i know is that what we're doing for lunch chicken nuggets have some chicken nuggets trying to think of who has good chicken nuggets i don't know anyways yelp well yelp i know i was like i do love my yelp i like how that's our literally if anyone wants to know what we do after recording we go

into the car and we get on yelp and decide what we're gonna have for lunch but we have to see pictures yeah we need to like assess the scenario so you know it is what it is but okay well i guess that's it for this episode right well y'all until next time cheers.