Blowholes, Breakups + Bangers

Music. Well, howdy, y'all, and welcome back to another episode of Corks in Cowtown.

We, Monica and I, have a short little fun episode that we're going to power through some of your questions and confessions. Yes. I guess let's just dive right in because this is going to be a shorter episode. I don't know which one to start with. I never know if we should start with the serious ones first or the funny ones first.

Let's do a serious one first. Okay, so serious one first is, and this is one, here's the thing is, I think this question we could probably spend a lot of time on, which is my issue with it, is why won't men commit?

But yeah so i want to hear your perspective because i feel like mine has changed, especially based on obviously like yeah dating and stuff but from your perspective and also i know you and clayton talk about stuff all the time i'd like to hear yours especially as being like a long-term relationship and marriage yeah well i don't have well i'll just say i don't have any dating experience because if people don't know clayton and i are high school sweethearts we've been together

for 25 years now yeah but we were together for 14 years before we got married i kind of got to the point where i didn't think it was actually going to happen and i was just going to be like a forever girlfriend. But I think what when Clayton talks about what made him decide to ask me to marry him was, you know, he had his own business. It started off really rough where he felt like he was failing. And I just stuck with him through it. Like we just kind of helped each other out.

And, you know, I wasn't, I tried to encourage him to keep going if he ever felt like he was going to just quit and go back to the oil field because that would have been the easy thing to do, you know, like... I just I don't know. We he said that he finally felt like I was like team grubs kind of thing. Like we were even though we had been through a lot of stuff up until that point, like I just kind of clicked like, oh, this chick isn't going anywhere.

Like she's with me for like the long haul kind of thing. Literally like thick and thin. Yeah. So I think that I don't know. I can't speak for all guys, but maybe they just don't feel like you're committed to them type of thing. Maybe that's why they don't want to commit. Maybe they don't feel like you're on a team. Maybe it's they have that Peter Pan syndrome or they want to be young and slutty forever.

That well so and one of the things that i kind of vaguely remember clayton talking about and i could be completely wrong but i think that i remember him saying something along the lines of and i think it's a male thing in general especially when you're in like a committed relationship and you want to take it to the next step is he said he wanted to make sure he'd be able to provide for y'all yeah is i that's what i remember him saying more than anything is that he was like i'm not going to

propose or do anything until I can make sure that I can provide for her as a wife and a mom. Yeah. So I think that's like a different perspective, too, is I think obviously men and women's perspectives are different. And I think it also has to do with where your current relationship is. Yeah. So from dating literally the world's worst men to now being married to what I would like to say is the world's best man. Yeah. Just because I've been able to see such drastic differences.

This is just my opinion and it has changed a lot. And if you've listened to the podcast, you know that my opinion has changed a lot and I'm never going to like deny that. Yeah. Because I think that your opinion should change as you grow and you're presented with new information.

My opinion is now that the majority of men, if you're just dating, are not going to commit to you or anything because they simply don't want to yeah and it's more of like the peter pan syndrome so if they're getting all the goods without the commitment why would they commit yeah like there's so what you're saying is less gagging more nagging yes exactly so i think it's just one of those things where like if you're gonna it's the whole thing of like if you're going to act like a wife,

from the jump, And what is there that they're pursuing? I will say this. Obviously, I don't really like talking about it that much. But like right before Hans and I met, NASCAR guy and I still were talking, whatever. And it was my birthday. I remember I told you this because I was like so mad about it. So he lives in another state. I'm not going to say where. But he constantly is always like, you know, I miss you. Like, I'd love to see you. Like, we, you know, like, I should come to Fort Worth.

And, like, finally on, like, our birthdays, we always would talk. And I was, like, he was, like, yeah, you know, like, wish I was there. And I was, like, then why aren't you here? Yeah. Then why aren't you here? Yeah. If you want, like, you're a grown man. If you want to be somewhere, be there. Yeah. Like, we're adults. We're, like, in our 30s. You have the financial means. You have the time.

The whole thing is you don't want to actually be here you're saying what you think is going to appease me and then not do it right so i called him out on it and he was like well you're not just like a quick drive away it's a flight yeah and i was like that's all i needed to know is like you're not willing to put in the time and effort whenever you could also be like hey do you want to fly out here. Yeah. Because I would in a heartbeat. Yeah.

And so my thought is, obviously, OK, I'm not wasting my time here anymore. On our first date, Hans drove from Kansas. And then he also happened to drive to the wrong city where he got an Airbnb and then drove to Fort Worth. Yeah. Wasn't he like an hour, over an hour? Yeah, like Pittsburgh, Texas, I think, if I remember correctly. So he was like an hour and a half away. I was like, what the fuck? And so he not only drove six hours, but then he drove an hour and a half. Yeah. And I was just like,

And he didn't flinch. And he was on time. Yeah. Because he wanted to take me on a date. So last time he's been on time. Literally. Literally that. So it's just one of those scenarios. And I asked him about it, too, is he was just like, well, I knew what I wanted. Yeah. He was like, and then even after our first date, like whenever he was like walking to me in my car, he's like, when can we have another date? He's like, is it too soon to ask for another date? Like, there's so much intention.

I think that we like literally give people more credit than they're due a lot of the time because we don't want to believe their actions. Yeah. But the biggest thing I will say forever and ever is actions over words. Someone's actions show you exactly who they are. I, for the longest time, wasted so much time in my life because I based it off of, oh, well, you know, this person had a hard upbringing or, oh, they had a bad ex or, oh, well, they've got kids or like whatever.

And I would just create these excuses. And the second I stopped doing that and I was like, no, I'm a prize. Yeah. And I deserve to be treated like one. Yeah. Everything changed. Yeah. Like quite literally everything in my life changed whenever I just decided I was done. And I think the thing that I would like encourage a lot of women to do is to just realize that, like, stop wasting your time. The only thing we don't get back is time. Yeah. Stop asking why he's not settling.

You're settling. Yeah. Like, yeah, move on. Yeah. So I know that there's a lot of like just off of your dating experience. Like there's a lot of like crazy guys out there, but there's a lot of crazy bitches out there, too. One million percent. You are if you think that you're the catch that you think that you are like move on and. Whoever you think you're settling with, like, try something else and they'll probably come crawling back when they get a psychopath.

Well, not only that, but then it also gives you enough time to realize if it took this person this long to come crawling back, why did they come crawling back? Is it because they truly realize that you provided all of this for them and that you are the catch? Or is it because they're bored and lonely and they see that you're happy and have moved on? Yeah. Because the amount of men I've talked to have also said that as they said that

they would literally reach back out to someone if they saw that they looked happy. Yeah. Again, they were like, oh, well, she looks a little too happy. I need to go in and like, yeah, I need to make sure she's happy with me. Yeah. People chasing me hate people being happy.

Yeah. Heaven forbid. so that in a short version and we could do that like a whole episode on it and like really break it down but that would be my new perspective is stop considering the fact that like well why isn't someone committed to me why do you want to be committed to that person that doesn't want you yeah like you deserve like love yeah like true love and it's i promise you and it sounds so cheesy but I am a true believer in it now because I never did before I'm a true believer

in like when you know you know like stop wasting your time yeah like you will literally know and also. I definitely am gonna feel words in this give the nice guy a chance I look like literally some of these guys is there stuff that Hans does like being an alien from another planet that like weirds me out sometimes. Yeah. But guess what? 95% of the time, he is quite literally on-planeter. Yeah. So, that's what I would say. At least a short version of that question.

Next. Do we want to go back to something funny? Yeah. Okay. Are you ready for this one? Send it. I can't remember if this is the one we've done before or not. Would a dolphin play a trumpet with its mouth or blowhole? Oh, my. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I think I'll put that on our share. Did you? Yeah. I mean, first of all, why does it have to be a trumpet? What about a tuba? Any kind of musical. Any trombo. Any wind instrument. A flute? Well, I couldn't hold the flute.

Here's the thing. How would it hold it? When is a dolphin going to play a fucking instrument to make it a thrombo? I'm just saying. I'm just saying, if we want to get into the logistics of it, I would say it's mouth. I'm going to say it's blowhole. But the blowhole is what it needs to always have air coming from, right? When it comes out of the water. That's why it has to surface. So if it was covered up with a trumpet. But that's how it.

I guess that's. Yeah. That's how you move the wind through the instrument. I just have a lot of questions. Because now I'm trying to picture a Lisa Frank dolphin with like a colorful tuba or trumpet on it, like taped down. And it just like jumping. Yeah. It's like free willy, but different. Yeah. I do feel like a dolphin would be much more fun to listen to play the trumpet than a whale. Yeah. Don't you think? Yeah. They're, I mean, they're a little, like. Give me your best dolphin. No. No.

Absolutely not. Next question. Next question. Hold on. Some of these I took as notes. Should we go back to a topic? Oh, no. Please, no. Because we were so incapable of having that conversation in a serious manner. I really don't. Did we talk about getting waterboarded with truffle oil already? Yeah, that's how I want to die. I mean, if it was going to happen, I would say that's the way to go. One of these other things is just talking about how luxury vehicles never do

the speed limit. And what's the point? Like if you have like a Porsche and you can't like you're on the highway behind a Porsche and it's doing like 65. Why? Yeah. What's the point? And I get that. Probably because some geriatric. But like cruise. Midlife crisis. There's cruise control on a Porsche, right? Pop off. Yeah. Don't luxury vehicle. I haven't been in a luxury vehicle, so I wouldn't know. I've only ever bought a base model vehicle. I barely have electric windows.

Isn't that standard now on all vehicles, though? I don't know. The last time I bought one was in 2014. Yeah. I know all vehicles are required to have, like, backup cameras now. Oh, they are? Yeah. That's nice. So you don't have to pay for that now? Like, God, I think it was in my mom's car that I drove a while back, and she doesn't have a backup camera. And I was like, how in the fuck do you drive?

Well, that's just like I was trying to back up, you know, Han's lifted work truck for hunting stuff. And I was also jamming Pink Pony Club and I yeeted that off of a park. Can we talk about that? What is it about? The song? Not the song, but because anytime I drive Clayton's car, even though like my Tahoe is technically bigger than that, he has like the big off-roading tires. And so I just feel like I could just run shit over.

Yeah. Well, I didn't realize that I thought I was doing the speed limit the whole time. And Hans was like, you need to go 10 under. I was like, why would I do that? He was like, well, because the tires are bigger, so they, you know, physics is, you know, you're actually going faster. And I was like, well, I'm a speeding motherfucker then. Yeah. Like, I'm room. I kind of think that's bullshit. Because I think all vehicles have, like, what year is his? Do you know?

I don't know. It's probably like a 2006. Maybe not. Yeah. I mean, it has those, like, because it's for whenever, like, fields are, like, muddy and shit. And it's got four-wheel drive. So it has, like, it feels like a monster truck. Yeah. I can't get in and out of it very easily without assistance. Yeah. So it's the fact I had to drive it to Wichita one day was very entertaining because he can barely drive it down the road and park somewhere.

And I was having to drive in the city and park it somewhere. And I was like, I got this. Clayton refuses to put steps on his forerunner. So why? I can't if I'm going to get in and I can't wear like jeans. Otherwise, I'm going to rip my jeans trying to climb into it. Leggings forever. Yeah. Here's the thing, though, is, like, they know they married short women. I don't give a shit. Why won't they help us? I don't know.

I don't like that. I'm just going to get one of those, like, little ladders that when you open the door, it just rolls out. You know, for emergency situations. A wittle waddle. A wittle waddle. I like that. Yeah, I need to start taking better notes because let me just read you my notes. I also have dogs humping. We don't know what that's about. We don't know what that one's about. And then we have bougie dogs. Yeah. That's probably about willows. Probably. Dumbass.

Because everyone has been very entertained with the willow content and the fact that she thinks she's a hunting dog. Yeah. But she's not. She thinks like we literally have gopher holes all over our front yard and they like grow by the day. And I'm like, if she doesn't kill a gopher and do her job within like the next week. Yeah. She's going to the bad place. Yeah.

Jack russell terriers hunting dogs i have no idea she's literally like she's i wish that we had something in the palm of our hands that we could just research those kind of questions you mean like a phone yeah no oh here's another one is it's i think this is because people know how insane i am is do you have a funeral playlist i don't have an official playlist but i have like songs that i want. I already started my Spotify funeral playlist.

Let me actually go to it and see what songs are on it. Let's see. Where's my library? It's just I appreciate that people understand how insane I am. Because I told Hans that I had a funeral playlist already. And he was like, why? And I was like, because I don't want you to pick out shitty music if something happens to me. Like your version of like tunes and mine are different.

Like i want people i need to set a vibe well you had what was it she's a death doula right yeah i think that needs to be like more popular or there needs to be like million person a high school or college course that you take yes on planning a funeral well planning a funeral like a trust a will like what all the different types of you know paperwork are that you can have done so oh just so you know, in case you need my phone, it's under Amazing Grace. Okay.

But the songs aren't like, I mean. Yeah. Just share your list with me. So I have the song Amazing. Some of these, I don't know what they sound like, but I heard them one time and I was like, that would sound pretty at a funeral. I have Amazing by Duke Ross. I have Space and Time by S.G. Goodman.

I have no idea i have oak trees by daniel nunley which i like that song because it talks about like it literally says like put me under the oak trees oh i do have so micah jenna's husband did a song and it's called walking in the wheat do you remember gladiator uh-huh how it like the end he's like walking through the weeds so it's a song kind of like that oh nice then i have Frank Sinatra, My Way.

And I will say this is a fact about like my family or whatever, is the only song that was played at my grandpa's funeral. And he made sure he said, he said the only song I want played at my funeral is My Way. Because he literally did everything just like his way, which was very unique. So I thought that was cool. And I wanted to put that on there. Leon Bridges River. I mean, it's just a good song. Weren't we listening to that earlier?

Yeah, on the way here. Yeah, I was like, weren't we listening to that Hosier work song? John Vincent III, Next to You, even though, I mean, you won't really be next to me, but, you know. Always, I will be. Simply the Best by Billy Ann, To Build a Home, The Cinematic Orchestra. Dancing in the Sky, Danny and Lizzie, and then Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World. That's what I have so far. So, if you have any super sad songs that would make you just think about me, send them to me.

I don't even necessarily, because there's, I think, songs on, like, that I have that I've said, like, oh, I would want this played at my funeral or I would play this at someone's funeral. I don't think that they necessarily have to be sad, but they just kind of, like, lyrically just speak to you. Yeah, exactly. Well, I think the one thing is, like, I still, to this day, can't hear Amazing Grace without crying. So, growing up, I, like, one of my best friends that lived down the street,

her name was Monet, and her grandma we called Granny Girl. Mm hmm. And we would always like this is like a very vivid memory is like she taught us how to like snap peas. Yeah. And so we would sit in the kitchen and snap peas. And I remember that at her funeral they played Amazing Grace. Yeah. And ever since then I have not been able to listen to the song without crying. Yeah. Like as a child like I was just like that song just wrecks me. Yeah. I can't listen to bagpipes.

Oh no. A fireman's funeral is the most like heart crunching things and they play the bagpipe. I can't even imagine. And I can't listen to the bagpipes without, like, causing, like, a visceral, like, effect on me. No. Well, because it's very personal. Yeah. Two, with, like, my dad's funeral, though, like, I was very adamant. I was like, I do not want any funeral home music playing, you know, like, if, like, during, like, the viewing or, like, before the memorial starts or anything.

So I went through and I created a playlist of songs that my dad loved, but they were, it was just the instrumentals.

Yeah. and so i was like i'm not listening to this funeral home sad sappy shit like no yeah because it literally like sets a mood yeah and then you're just like great i'll be crying for weeks now because i heard one song yeah no i was like that the other song that makes me just like absolutely lose it is the i hope you dance because my mom sent me that one time and she was just like oh I think it was like Ray whenever I got into drill team and she was like,

this song makes me think of you. And I was just like, OK, awesome. And now I literally every single time I heard I lose it. So I forgot you were on drill team. Yes. We were the stowaways, the throwaways, the goaways, the hoaways. That's my favorite. Yeah. Like that's the thing is like whenever you think back to like high school. Yeah. You're just like, why? I know.

Like we were so mean. like kids in high school like i that's the thing is like i can't imagine what it's like now for kids yeah because like kids were mean as hell but like we all got along though that's the thing that i guess just i don't understand about kids now is like a lot of people didn't like each other but like no one was like evil so i don't know i mean i have these conversations because lily i think that that's part of like

her whole deal with trying to convince me like to not make her go to school, she'll tell me like that people are mean to her and last night I was actually putting her to sleep, and she said that somebody called her fat and told her that she was stupid and she was like it hurt my feelings and I was like baby I was like are you fat she's like no and I was like are you stupid no and I was like why do you care yeah like and I told her I was

like people used to say really mean things to me when I was in school but I was like I just it hurts your feelings but in the end it doesn't matter because that's not how I feel about myself and I was just like, you don't feel that way you don't have to listen to it. Well I think that's one of the things too to like. That's important to discuss is, like, I feel like we give words power. Yeah.

Like, I feel like we allow certain words to affect us based on probably, like, past scenarios and situations. Yeah. And we can choose to continue doing that or we can take that power away from that word. Yeah. So I think that's a really good point to bring up because, like, especially starting that young, like, with Lily. Yeah. Is, like, just being like, well, you're not fat. You're not stupid. Yeah. So, like, why do you care? Yeah.

So I think y'all also have a really good parenting style of like you don't give too much emphasis or power to things and you just kind of like not skirt past it, but like you address it, but you don't let it linger. Same thing is like I remember one of the times that we I think it was the first time Clayton wasn't on shift and we like took the girls trick or treating and one of the girls ran and she fell.

And my initial fact was like oh my god are you okay because like i'm not a parent and i'm just the aunt who's like i can't let anything bad happen to you yeah and i don't remember it was you were clayton and you you were just like don't give it any attention yeah and i was like what if she's hurt and literally they looked back at you to see if there was a reaction and they just got up and didn't cry there was like nothing yeah that's kind of how it was when lily like wrecked her

scooter we were just like oh you're okay yeah but can we talk about giving words power like oh god oh no so we didn't talk about this but it was when school started okay Lily's first day of school and I got a call midday from Lily's teacher. And I was like, oh, fuck, what happened? This is not good. This is the first day of school. And she called me and she was like, I just wanted she was like, normally I would just, you know, send you a message.

But she was like, I kind of just wanted to call so that it so that I could explain the situation in case Lily comes home. And she said that she got in trouble. She was like, she didn't get in trouble, but she got upset. And I let her leave the room, the classroom for a little bit until she calmed down. And she said, you know, we we got into class probably about after the first 20 minutes.

We decided to move some seats around, move some kids around so that anybody that needed to be closer to the board was closer to the board. And she goes. And so Lily's table, like because they sit in like a table of four students. And she was like, so Lily's table shifted like the student shifted quite a bit. And Lily made the comment.

I am why are there so many brown people at my table because she's literally the only white kid at her table of four now we've got a lot of like a big indian community in our neighborhood and so all the other kids at her table were indian kids and so she said that she told lily she goes lily we don't say that you can hurt your friend's feelings by saying that and so lily got upset and she had to leave the classroom and I was like okay it's like before you assume anything about my

seven-year-old daughter yeah I said she's literally saying what she's seeing yeah I was like she's not a racist if that's what you're insinuating and she was like no no no she was like that's she goes I know you know and I was like.

You know she's not meaning anything derogatory by it don't know how to like express yeah it's just why am i now she's the only one that looks different yeah and so i talked to clayton and i was like should we even bring this up to lily when we get her from school and he was like no let's not even because it's not a big deal she wasn't she didn't mean anything by it let's not even bring it up and but of course as soon as I get her she says something to me about it, and and I was like well I was

like first of all Lily like you don't have to talk about the color of anybody's skin like they're they're kids just like you are but why does it why did it upset you and she said because she felt like she didn't belong there like she it wasn't like oh put me at a table like with white kids because I don't want to be with the Indian kids. And I was like, hey, listen, cheat off of them. They're smart. Yeah. Like they're going to be your friend.

But she she was just like, I just feel like I don't belong with those kids. Like they don't look like me. And so I was just like, OK, well, it's not a big deal. Yeah. Her best friends are one's Asian, one's Mexican, the other one's black.

And it's just like you don't look like any of your other friends this is no different i know like but it's also the first day it's somewhere new it's but that's the thing is i think that like especially people get things twisted when they talk about like kids is it's like a lot of it does obviously like with parenting you know go back to parenting but like in that scenario and obviously tell me if i'm wrong because i'm not a,

Kids don't know how, just like we were saying earlier, there's no reason or rationale behind the thought. They're just like, something's different. There's no, they don't know how to, I don't even know how to comprehend the scenario and get their thoughts across the proper way. Yeah, no, and kids just, they do a lot of self-comparison too. So it's not, you know, it's not necessarily like she was saying, like, she wants to be put at a table with another blonde-headed, blue-eyed kid.

Like, she's probably thinking, like, well, why don't I have brown skin? Like, she just, yeah, they just, they compare themselves to everyone else. They want to be like everyone else sitting next to them. And, yeah, they don't comprehend. And that's definitely learned in the home if they are being. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that one of the things, too, though, is like conversations like that are important to have. And I get y'all didn't want to give it like power or anything like that.

But also just like the fact that she brought it up again to y'all. So it clearly bothered her. Yeah. To be like, hey, I'm going to go to my safe place. Can you explain this to me? Yeah. Like, why? She did say something. It was a while back, but it caught me and Clayton off guard. And I like we both kind of like the we probably didn't react good in this situation, but we were in a public place. And she very loudly said asked if black people are slaves because they are learning this history stuff.

And it's like, why are they not teaching them like. I don't know, like, that that's not a thing now. A current thing, yeah. So we were like, Lily, Kate, like, you don't say that. And then we were like, wait a second, like. Well, because you once again have to remember this is a seven-year-old. Yeah. And I was like, okay, wait. Yeah. Like, I probably, you're not in trouble for saying something like that. But that's not, that is not a current thing. That was a bad time in history. Like. Yeah.

Enough. Well, but that's the thing is like you do is like it's almost like the homework has to come home. Yeah. Because and but that's the thing, too, is like in school, do they now give like the parents like, hey, this is what we're going over. These are sensitive topics. No, no. Really? Yeah. And that day that Lily like conned me into bringing her home, her teacher had like extra practice worksheets in her folder. And so I was going over some math stuff with her.

And the way that we do math, like it was they had they were given a number and it was almost like a cross, like a number in the middle and a box on top, box below, box to the left and right. And you had to add 10, subtract 10, add 100, subtract 100 from the number. And so she was trying to do it like and almost like making tick marks on the page. And I was like, well, let's do it this way. So I got like a piece of paper and say the number was like 750.

So I put 750 and I was like, we're going to subtract 10 from this. And so I did it like like we've been taught like one on top of the other and you work your way from right to left. And she acted like she had never seen that before. And I asked her teacher about it. I was like, am I doing something that's going to negatively affect her by teaching her this way of math?

Like, why are y'all not teaching her this? Like and so she like brought home work the other day and it's it literally looks like a ruler across the page where they can make like tick marks on the ruler to add and subtract numbers. And I'm just like, why are y'all teaching it this way? This is so hard. That's so strange. So, no, we don't get any information like that. Like, hey, we're going changed math. Yeah, they've changed math.

I wouldn't think that a second grader would be learning about that time of history right now, but yeah. Well, that's the thing is like, is that just a history class or is it like Texas history or like... U.S. history? Because I know that, like, so right now that all they do, it's literally like math, reading, science and social studies.

So I'm assuming it's probably part of social studies or she's finding books in the library because her teacher has said that she, like, gets books that are above, like, her reading level. She was obsessed with this Titanic book. And she doesn't need to be reading about the Titanic and Jack and Rose. Yeah. She's never going to look at a door the same. Yeah. I don't know. I was thinking, obviously, like, that's something that I think it would be good to have, like, a teacher on, too. Yeah.

And, like, talk about that because there's, I feel like there is a disconnect is, like, your kid is with teachers for so long during the day. Yeah. That it truly is, like, hey, what all are they learning? What needs, like, what homework needs to be done at home? Like, is there stuff they're learning that we need to then discuss with them? Yeah. Two, I mean, because that's hard. Yeah. Like, I mean, teachers bust their ass and, like, have to deal with a lot.

But then also it's like some of that stuff, it's like context. Context is so important to literally everything. Yeah. Can you teach me? Yeah. First, teach me math the way you do it now. That, like, baffles me. Because also it's the same thing as, like, remember growing up and you had to, like, purchase the $100 calculator. I actually found my calculator. PI-83 or whatever it was. and they were just

like, you're not going to have this in the real world. You need to learn how to do all this, you know, without a calculator. We literally have a computer at our hands 24-7. It's just wild to me because I would love to hear the perspective of some other parents too of like how you manage situations like that. Yeah. Especially when they're that young because like if they don't understand reason or anything already, then how are you supposed to tell them important things

stuff. Yeah. I know. Parenting's just, it's hard and nobody's got it right. So you just kind of like learn with your kid. Yeah.

Well. The firstborn, they've got it rough because they're always, they're the guinea pigs. Well, they always say like, what is it? The secondborn is like the daredevil and like the free spirit or whatever. But I feel like you got it switched. Yeah. I feel like Lily is definitely the wild child. Yeah, for sure. Because she's you.

She's literally just you and she's like wait make this make sense but there's things that she does that Clayton and I will look at each other and we'll be like that reminds me of my sister or that reminds him of his sister it's a little scary I can only imagine I can literally only imagine. So well I'm trying to think if there's any of these other ones that we have time for Did we get any confessions?

Not any confessions this time, but one person did just say, like, they wanted to talk about being born in the right decade because they love the fact that they're able to talk back to men. Yeah. I thought that was great. I was like, you know, that's a very valid point because I do feel like I was born in the right decade because also if I was born in like the 70s, I'd probably be a drug addict. Probably. So because I just have always been curious about things and I'd be

like, what's that? What's that? Like during Prohibition, I definitely probably would have run a bar. Yeah. Because I would have been like, you know how much money is made to be here? Like I could do so many things with all of this money. Yeah. Drugs were cleaner back then. That part. So, yeah, I was like, I thought that one was pretty funny is like just thinking about people being because, you know, people are always just like, oh, you're an old soul or whatever.

And I'm like, I just I first of all, also during the 70s, I just feel like hygiene wasn't that important. And I don't think I could handle. Yeah, no. Like the whole free love and all that. Like that's a great thing. But yeah, like armpit hair and stink. And yeah, no, I definitely was definitely born in the right decade because also air conditioning. Yeah. Like I love air conditioning. I love a toilet. Indoor plumbing is great.

I will always love a porcelain throne. Like, I'm just about that life. So Michelle was asking me the other day. She was like, have you out in Kansas, like, had to experience any, like, outdoor potties? And I was like, no. Yeah. No. No. I was like. Absolutely not. I would literally die. I was like, I can pee in the woods. Yeah, we had a farm. That's easy peasy. Out in East Texas when I was a kid and we had an outhouse, but I was scared to death to use it. I'm terrified of a port-a-potty.

Yeah, my grandma would keep one of those giant Folgers cans. We would shit in a Folgers coffee can. I don't know if I can look at you the same way. It was just on the porch. I'm traumatized. when you're a kid. No, absolutely. But that's the thing is... Thank God you were a child. I'd probably still do it today. I would not. You couldn't catch me. But did it have coffee grounds in it? No, it was just like an old, like, empty. I think I'd prefer if it had, like, some coffee grounds in it.

Oh, like, grit, like, kitty litter? Kitty litter. Shake it up. I'd probably, like, scoop it. Yeah, I probably would shit in a litter box if I had to choose between that and an outhouse. I mean. Yeah. Yeah, as long as the lid was off. Yeah. That thing. The funniest thing is pepper. You see me in there trying to cover it up. The worst thing about, I feel like, my mind and the way it works is that everything

comes with a visual in my head. And so I can literally just, like, picture everything the second it's said. I'm just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's a curse. Yeah. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Retract that. Don't need to visualize that. Oh, hi caramba. Yeah. I know Hans is going to appreciate this conversation. Yeah.

I will say the one thing that obviously not one of the questions or confessions, but I think, actually, I'm sure I know this, but Hans has always said that, like, he's just like, you're just so funny. And he, like, loves listening to the podcast and, like, the old episodes because he's always like, you and Monica are, like, hilarious. And the other day I forgot what it was I told you that I said. And he was like, honestly, it's sad how funny you are.

And I was just like, I don't think it's sad. I think it's phenomenal. Yeah, I wish Maya thought I was funny. He does. He just doesn't ever tell us because he lets it sneak out sometimes. But the funniest thing is, I literally think Hans is getting funnier because of me. Oh, yeah. I literally think it's like comedy osmosis. Yeah.

I was like, I literally think he is getting funnier because of me, because there's times every now and then that he'll say something that it's like I'm like I would have said that. And I'll like look at him and I'm like that was good you're up here aren't you it's like you read oh my gosh that's so funny like he's getting snappier too with his like commentary he's not like processing something funny to say and I'm like who is that guy I'm like you got that from me.

So at least I'm going to take full credit for it. But, you know, well, yeah, we definitely need more questions and confessions. I think the confessions are where it's at. Yeah. Because obviously, like, we need the tea. Oh, I guess this is my confession I can have because I almost told it in the last episode. So obviously, after recording... Michelle and I went to brunch at Bricks and Horses. And I'm just minding my own business, obviously.

And I see a group of people walk in, and I see this lady carrying two crossbody bags that have dogs in them. And I look up, and it's no other than Fort Worth's finest bass. Oh, God. And I was just like, poor Kay? Because I've always heard the stories of her taking her dogs everywhere and them shitting or pissing somewhere. And I'm like at Bricks and Horses for brunch. And so they were going into the private room.

And I'm just like, wait a second. And I'm like, she would die if she knew we were this close to each other. Because I'm still blocked on everything. Sundance Square. So I just sat there and I was like, oh, my God, it's really her. No. It's really her. Yeah, bringing the dogs into every fucking restaurant in Fort Worth. And they're like designer, I don't know designers, obviously, but they were like designer bags, like cross bodies. It doesn't make it any

better. And she just had them draped across her body on each side and there's like a dog. It was like giving Elle Woods wannabe. Yeah. But yeah, I thought that was very entertaining. Give some construction, constructive criticism to Bricks and Horses for a second. So that private room, there's like the table irritates me. Oh, I haven't been in there. It's massive. Okay. So like it's long. Well, there's a couple of tables back there, but it's long and rectangular.

So like if you're sitting on one side, the person across from you, you're basically having to fucking yell at. Oh, really? It's that big? Yeah. It's quite irritating. Oh, that's annoying. Yeah, I only just saw. They didn't, like, close the blinds or anything. So I just creeped in there and I got a picture. And I'm all for a round table, like. I know. I do love a round table. I mean, I love, like, family style as long as you're, like, close enough to talk. Yeah.

Like, Jyoti's tables, I feel like, are too big. Yeah, those are kind of big. Because I feel like they seat, like, ten. Yeah. I feel like eight is where it's at. Yeah. Like, an eight top is where it's at. So, but that's just me. Also, I miss Jyoti's. We need to go there.

Some nachos with the government cheese the government cheese government cheese yes but anyways okay so I guess that'll be this episode of our first questions and confessions yeah we need you to write in your good dirt we won't call you out we won't unless you want us to expose you unless you're like Jeffrey Dahmer and you need to be, arrested yeah your secrets are safe with us as long as it's not a matter of national security yeah so yeah but we'll see you next month yeah until next time cheers.