CZM Book Club: A Bunch of Stories About Russian Witches

to be over. Because while I'm recording this on All Saints' Day and the veil is still thin, although I saw a really good meme today that was like, the veil is always thin, That's why it's called a veil. And I like that. I like the idea that the other world is always right there next to us, so close that we can almost reach out and touch it, but then we can't. But that's why we have fiction and

things to kind of explore those ideas. Whatever. Anyway, next week on Cool People Who Did Cool Stuff, my other podcast, I'm going to talk about witches and the story of the witch hunts in Europe, so check that out Monday

and Wednesday on Cool Zone Media. But I figured to close out Spooky Month here on book club, I would read you some of the stories about, you know, witches, and I went through and I found a bunch of different ones, and I was really excited about some of them, and some of them talk about like some of my

favorite things. I love the washer at the Ford, the Scottish folklore idea that there's this strange woman with long, saggy breasts that hangs out and washes clothes in the ford and if you see her, you have to like grab her breast and then she'll tell you if you're going to die in battle, because it's so weird. But you want to know. I didn't read you that one today because it has so many Scottish Gaelic words and

I would have to look them all up. And I'm on a very tight deadline, so maybe i'll read that one to you. I really liked it, well, I honestly it was a whatever. I liked it because I like some of the concepts in it. I love the idea of the washer at the Ford, but it's not really a witch, is it. I mean it's kind of a way or whatever, which is whatever. I'm going to do a whole two weeks worth of content about witches and what isn't isn't a witch. But instead I'm going to

read you about Russian witches, which is cool. I thought that, like you know, most Russian witches are sort of conflated down to Baba Yaga, which we've done a whole series of episodes about. If you want to hear me read Baba Yaga stories and tell you about Babba yagah, go back a couple of halloweens when I talked to Jamie Loftus about it. But I found Russian fairy tales talking about witches that are just sort of different witches, and some of them like clearly relate into the Baba Yaga story,

but they're not Baby Yaga. And I find that really interesting. So you might find it interesting too, Who knows. If you don't, hopefully you'll at least be entertained. I know at least I've talked to a couple of people who listen to this to go to sleep. So if that's you, get ready to put on your sleeping mask, and if it's not, you get ready to not fall asleep while

you're driving, that would be bad. These three stories that I'm going to read to you today are from a book from eighteen seventy two called Russian fairy Tales, a choice collection of Muscovite folklore by W. R. S. Ralston, who is mostly known as a Russian translator. This first story is called the Dead Witch. There was once an old woman who was a terrible witch, and she had a daughter and a granddaughter. The time came for the old crone to die, so she summoned her daughter and

gave her these instructions. Mind, daughter, when I'm dead, don't you wash my body with lukewarm water, but phil a cauldron, make it boil its very hottest, and then with that boiling water, regularly scald me all over. After saying this, the witch lay ill two or three days and then died. The daughter ran round to all her neighbors, begging them to come and help her wash the old woman. And meantime, the little granddaughter was left all alone in the cottage.

And this is what she saw there. All of a sudden, there crept out from beneath the stove two demons, a big one and a tiny one, and they ran up to the dead witch. The old demon seized her by the feet and tore away at her, so that he stripped off all her skin at one pole. Then he said to the little demon, take the flesh for yourself, and lug it under the stove. So the little demon flung his arms round the carcasse and dragged it under the stove. Nothing was left of the old woman but

her skin. Into it, the old demon inserted himself, and then he lay there just where the witch had been lying. Presently, the daughter came back, bringing a dozen other women with her, and they all sa work laying out the corpse. Mammy, says the child. They've pulled Granny's skin off while you were away. What do you mean by telling such lies? It's quite true, Mammy, there was ever such a blackie came from under the stove, and he pulled the skin

off and got into it himself. Hold dear tongue, naughty child, you're talking nonsense, cried the old Crone's daughter. Then she fetched a big cauldron, filled it with cold water, put it on the stove, and heated it until it boiled furiously. Then the women lifted up the old crone, laid her in a trough, took hold of the cauldron, and poured the whole of the boiling water over her at once.

The demon couldn't stand it. He leaped out of the trough, dashed through the doorway, and disappeared skin and all the women stared. What marvel is this? They cried, Here was the dead woman, and now she isn't here. There's nobody left to lay out or to bury. The demon have carried her off before our very eyes. And that's the end of the story. It's a real short one. And Okay, the thing I like about it is that here you've got this witch. She was like a wicked witch. What

do they call her? A terrible witch? But she's like, well, she cares about her family and she knows that, you know, she's made all these packs with demons. So after she dies, like real bad stuff's going to happen. So she's still just like looking out for her kids. You know. She's not like on the demon's side here. And I think that's sweet, much like I find it entertaining to be interrupted by advertisers like these ones. And we're back. Okay. This next story is just called the Witch, but not

with two v's. It's a different story. There once lived an old couple who had one son called Vashko No one could tell how fond they were of him. Well, one day Avashka said to his father and mother, I'll go out fishing if you let me. What are you thinking about? You're still very small. Suppose you get drowned. What good will there be in that? No, No, I shan't get drowned. I'll catch you some fish. Do let me go. So his mother put a white shirt on him, tied a red girdle round him, and let him go

out in a boat. He sat and said, canoe, canoe float a little farther, canoe, canoe float a little farther. Then the canoe floated on farther and farther, and Avashko began to fish. When some little time had passed by, the old woman hobbled down to the riverside and called to her son, Ivashak go, Ivashako, my boy, float up, float up onto the water side. I bring thee food and drink. And Avashko said, canoe, canoe float to the water side. That is my mother calling me. The boat

floated to the shore. The woman took the fish, gave her boy food and drink, changed his shirt for him and his girdle, and sent him back to his fishing again. He sat in his boat and said, canoe, canoe float a little farther, canoe, canoe float a little farther. Then the canoe floated on farther and farther, and Avashko began to fish. After a little time had passed by, the old man also hobbled down to the bank and called to his son, Ivashko Ivasheko, my boy, float up, float

up on to the water side. I bring thee food and drink. And Ivashka replied, canoe, canoe float to the water side. That is my father calling me. The canoe floated to the shore. The old man took the fish, gave his boy food and drink, changed his shirt for him and his girdle, and sent him back to his fishing.

Now a certain witch had heard what Avashko's parents had cried aloud to him, and she longed to get hold of the boy, so she went down to the bank and cried with a hole voice, Iva shack go, Iva shack go, my boy, float up, float up onto the water side, I bring thee food and drink. Ivashko perceived that the voice was not his mother's but that of a witch, and he sang, canoe, canoe float a little farther, canoe, canoe floats a little farther. That is not my mother,

but a witch who calls me. The witch saw that she must call to Avshko with just such a voice as his mother had. So she hastened to a smith and said to him, smith, smith, make me just such a thin little voice as a Veshko's mother has. If you don't, I'll eat you. So the smith forged her a little voice just like Aveshko's mother. Then the witch went down by night to the shore and sang, ivashek go, ivashek go, my boy, float up, float up onto the

water side. I bring thee food and drink. Ivashka came and she took the fish and seized the boy and carried him home with her. When she you arrived, she said to her daughter, Alenka, heat the stove as hot as you can and bake of Oshko well, while I go and collect my friends for the feast. So Alenka heated the stove hot ever so hot, and said to Avshko, come here and sit on this shovel. I'm still very young and foolish, answered Avshko. I haven't yet quite got

my wits about me. Please teach me how one ought to sit on a shovel. Very good, said Olenka. It won't take long to teach you. But the moment she sat down on the shovel, Avashko instantly pitched her into the oven, slammed too the iron plate in front of it, ran out of the hut, shut the door, and hurriedly climbed ever so high in an oak tree which stood close by. Presently, the witch arrived with her guests and knocked at the door of the hut, but nobody opened

it for her. Ah, that cursed Alenko. She cried, no doubt, She's gone off somewhere to amuse herself. Then she slipped in through the window, opened the door, and led in her guests. They all sat down to table, and the witch opened the oven, took out a Lenka's baked body, and served it up. They ate their fill and drank their fill, and then they went out to the courtyard and began rolling about on the grass. I turn about, I roll about having fed on a Veshko's flesh, cried

the witch. I turn about, I roll about having fed on a Veshko's flesh, but Avshko called out to her from the top of the oak. Turn about, roll about having fed on a Lanka's flesh. Did I hear something, said the witch. No, it was only the noise of the leaves. Again, the witch began, I turn about, I roll about having fed on a Veshko's flesh, and Avshko repeated, turn about, roll about having fed on a lanka's flesh.

Then the witch looked up and saw Avashko and immediately rushed at the oak on which Avashka was seated and began to gnaw away at it. And she gnawed and gnawed and gnawed until at last she two front teeth. Then she ran to a forge, and when she reached it, she cried, smith, Smith, make me some iron teeth if you don't all eat you. So the smith forged her two iron teeth. The witch returned and began gnawing the

oak again. She gnawed and gnawed and was just on the point of gnawing it through when Avashko jumped out of it into another tree which stood beside it. The oak that the witch had gnawed through fell down to the ground, but then she saw that Avashko was sitting up in another tree. So she gnashed her teeth with spite and set to work afresh to gnaw that tree also. She gnawed and gnawed and gnawed, and broke two lower

teeth and ran off to the forge smith smith. She cried when she got there, make me some iron teeth. If you don't, I'll eat you. The smith forged two more iron teeth for her. She went back again and once more began to gnaw on the oak. Avashko didn't know what he was to do now. He looked out and saw that swans and geese were flying by, so he called to them imploringly, Oh, my swans and geese, take me on your pinions, Bear me to my father and my mother, to the cottage of my father and

my mother. There to eat and drink and live in comfort. Let those in the center carry you, said the birds. Avashka waited. A second flock flew past, and again he cried, imploringly, Oh, my swans and geese, take me on your pinions, Bear me to my father and my mother, to the cottage of my father and my mother. There to eat and drink and live in comfort. Let those in the rear carry you. Said the birds again. If Oshko waited, a

third flock came flying by. A third flock came flying up, and he cried, Oh, my swans and geese, take me on your pinions, bear me to my father and my mother, to the cottage of my father and mother. There to eat and drink and live in comfort. And those swans and geese took hold of him and carried him back, flew up to the cottage and dropped him in the upper room. The next morning, his mother set to work to bake pancakes, baked them, and all of the sudden

fell to thinking about her boy. Where is my Evashko? She cried, would that I could see him? Were it only in a dream? Then his father said, I dreamed that swans and geese had brought her Avashko home on their wings. Now, then, old man, let's divide the cakes. Theres for you, father, theirs for me. Theirs for you, father, and theirs for me and none for me, cried out of Oshko. Theirs for you, father, went on the old woman,

theirs for me and none for me, repeated the boy. Why, old man, said the wife, go and see whatever that is up there. The father climbed into the upper room, and there he found of Oshko. The old people were delighted and asked their boy about everything that had happened. After that, he and they lived on happily together. The moral the story is killed people so other people can eat them, and then run home to your parents. Important lessons,

you know. But what doesn't have a moral are these advertisers. And we're back. Okay, have one more story for you. This one is called the Witch and the Son's Sister. In a certain far off country, there once lived a king and a queen, and they had an only son, Prince Ivan, who was dumb from his birth. One day, when he was twelve years old, he went into the stable to see a groom who was a great friend

of his. That groom always used to tell him tales, and on this occasion Prince Ivan went to him expecting to hear some stories, but that wasn't what he heard. Prince Ivan said the groom, your mother will soon have a daughter and you a sister. She will be a terrible witch, and she will eat up her father and

her mother and all their subjects. So go and ask your father for the best horse he has, as if you wanted a gallop, and then, if you want to be out of harm's way, ride away whithersoever your eyes guide you. Prince Ivan ran off to his father, and, for the first time in his life, began speaking to him. At that the king was so delighted that he never thought of asking what he wanted a good seed for, but immediately ordered the very best horse he had in

his stud to be saddled for the prince. Prince Ivan mounted and rode off, without caring where he went. Long, long did he ride? At length? He came to where two old women were sewing, and he begged them to let him live with them, but they said, gladly would we do so, Prince Ivan, Only we have now but a short time to live. As soon as we have broken that trunk full of needles and used up that

trunk full of thread, that instant will death arrive. Prince Ivan burst into tears and rode on long, long did he ride? At length? He came to where the giant Verdidub was, and he besought him, saying, take me to live with you. Gladly would I have taken you, Prince Ivan replied the giant, But now I have very little longer to live. As soon as I have pulled up all these trees by the roots, instantly will come my death? More bitterly still did the prince weep as he rode

farther and farther on bye and bye. He came to where the giant vertigore was and made the same request to him. But he replied gladly, would I have taken you, Prince Ivan, But I myself have very little longer to live. I am set here, you know, to level mountains. The moment I have settled matters with these you see remaining, then will my death come? Prince Ivan burst into a flood of bitter tears and rode on still farther. Long long did he ride. At last he came to the

dwelling of the son's sister. She received him into her house and gave him food and drink, and treated him just as if he had been her own son. The prince now led an easy life, but it was all of no use. He couldn't help being miserable. He longed so to know what was going on at home. He often went up to the top of a high mountain and thence gazed at the palace in which he used to live, and he could see that it was all eaten away, nothing but bare walls remained. Then he would

sigh and weep. Once when he returned, after he'd been thus looking and crying, the son's sister asked him, what makes your eyes so red today? Prince Ivan, Oh, the wind has been blowing in them, said he. The same thing happened a second time. Then the Sun's sister ordered the wind to stop blowing. Again a third time did Prince Ivan come back with a blubbered face. This time

there was no help for it. He had to confess everything, and then he took to entreating the Sun's sister to let him go that he might satisfy himself about his old home. She would not let him go, but he went on urgently entreating, so at last he persuaded her, and she let him go away and find out about his home. But first she provided him for the journey with a brush, a comb, and two youth giving apples. However old any one might be, let him eat one

of these apples, he would grow young again in an instant. Well, Prince Ivan came to where Verdigor was. There was only just one mountain left. He took his brush and cast it down upon the open plain. Immediately there rose out of the earth. Goodness knows whence high, ever so high, mountains, their peaks touching the sky, And the number of them was such that there were more than the eye could see.

Vertigor rejoiced greatly and blithely recommenced his work. After a time, Prince Ivan came to where Verdidub was and found there was only three trees remaining there. So he took the comb and flung it out on the open plain. Immediately, from somewhere or other they came the sound of trees, and forth from the ground arose dense oak forests, each stem more huge whig than the other. Verda Dub was delighted, thanked the prince, and set to work up rooting the

ancient oaks. By and bye. Prince Ivan reached the old women and gave them each an apple. They ate them and straightway became young again. So they gave him a handkerchief. If only you had to wave it, and behind you lay a whole lake. At last, Prince Ivan arrived at home. Out came running his sister to meet him, caressed him fondly, sit thee down, my brother, She said, play a tune on the lute while I go and get dinner ready. The prince sat down and strummed away on the lute.

Then there crept a mouse out of a hole and said to him in a human voice, save yourself, Prince, run away quick. Your sister has gone to sharpen her teeth. Prince Ivan fled from the room, jumped on his horse, and galloped away back. Meantime, the mouse kept running over the strings of the lute. They twanged, and the sister never guessed that her brother was off. When she had sharpened her teeth, she burst into the room lo and behold, not a soul was there, nothing but a mouse bolting

into its hole. The witch waxed wroth, ground her teeth like anything, and set off in pursuit. Prince Ivan heard a loud noise and looked back. There was his sister chasing him. So he waved his handkerchief, and a deep lake lay behind him. While the witch was swimming across the water, Prince Ivan got a long way ahead, but on she came faster than ever, and now she was close at hand. Verdadub guessed that the prince was trying to escape his sister, so he began tearing up oaks

and strewing them across the land. A regular mountain did he pile up. There was no passing by for the witch, so she set to work to clear them away. She gnawed and gnawed, and at length contrived by hard work to bore her way through. But by this time Prince Ivan was far ahead on. She dashed in pursuit, chased and chased just a little more, and it would be

impossible for him to escape. Spied, the witch laid hold of the very highest of all of the mountains, pitched it down with a heap on the road, and flung another mountain right on top of it. While the witch was climbing and clambering, Prince Ivan rode and rode, and found himself a long way ahead. At last, the witch got across the mountain and once more set off in

pursuit of her brother. Bye and bye. She caught sight of him and exclaimed, you shantn't get away from me this time, and now she is close, and now she is just going to catch him. At that very moment, Prince Ivan dashed up to the abode of the son's sister and cried, son Son, open the window. The son's sister opened the window, and the prince bounded through it, horse and all. Then the witch began to ask that her brother might be given up to her for punishment.

The son's sister would not listen to her, nor would she give him up. Then the witch said, let Prince Ivan be weighed against me to see which is the heavier. If I am, then I will eat him. But if he is, then let him kill me. This was done. Prince Ivan was the first to get onto the scales. Then the witch began to get into the other. But no sooner than she has set foot in it, than upshot Prince Ivan in the air, and that with such force that he flew right up into the sky into

the chamber of the Sun's sister. But as for the witch snake, she remained down below on earth. That's the end of that story. Okay. The thing that I find most interesting about that, I mean, obviously there's probably some like creation stuff going on or whatever about where the sun is and shooting up in the sky. But the thing I find really interesting is that they were like

these poor giants. They're like, oh, I got to destroy all the trees and mountains, and then they're almost done, and then fortunately they're saved by getting to do more work. And I don't know, I kind of like that there's weird metaphors about us destroying the earth, but we're not going to be by a comb or a brush. But also there's just like I don't know, every week we

push that rock up the hill. Imagine sissyphus happy when more rocks arrive, much like I'm happy when I don't have to do any more ad transitions for the week and instead tell you about my other podcast, Cool People That Did Cool Stuff, or the other podcast that this one runs on It could Happen here. Both are part of cool Zone Media. This is the cool Zone Media book club. You probably know that, but cool Zone Media is cool. It's in the name. It's also zone. I'm

done bye. It could happen here as a production of cool Zone Media. For more podcasts from cool Zone Media, visit our website coolzonemedia dot com, or check us out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find sources for it could Happen Here, updated monthly at cool Zonemedia dot com slash sources. Thanks for listening.