Conversations with Me, Myself, and I

I don't have anybody else to introduce accept me, so I hope you guys enjoy and I'm going to dive right into it first. By starting out, I want to say I dyed my hair red. And I've been getting so many questions about like, how do you decide to die it? Read what inspoted you go to? And I actually think it's really funny because I brought my mom's photo from when she was on Full House to um my hair stylist, and I was like, can you just

make it look like that? And the reason for that was is because I've never touched my hair before, I've like highlighted it a little bit here and there, but never like a full onde change new colors. So I was really nervous, and I was thinking to myself, Um, you know, I kind of look like my mom. I see a lot of differences, but everybody seems to think we look alike. So I was like, everybody says I look like her, so I'm going to dye my hair.

Maybe I should just diet of colors she's had, so at least I know, like, okay, I could maybe possibly pull it off, because it was like my biggest fear I was going to diet and despise how I looked. But I actually really like it. It's different, it's fun. I feel like I kind of feel like it's like an alter ego of mine now, so I'm enjoying it. Um. But that's like my little life update on that, which

is not super interesting. Um. And I also have seen a lot of questions on my Instagram that some are really really great questions that I think I think about often and things i'd love to talk about, but I'm always kind of fearful to speak about just because I

never wanted to be misconstrued or taken the wrong way. Um, but I also know that I've said this from the very beginning of when I started this podcast, is that it's like being vulnerable and open, and this is my podcast after Also, the listeners hopefully are people that have either been with me for a while or care to

hear what I have to say. Um, but I want to start out a little bit more general because I got so many questions about like my workout routine and how I lost all this weight and how many calories and how I don't compare my body on social media and some of these questions the way they're phrased, it makes me realize, like how consumed all of us are in social media and comparing ourselves to other people. And I us want to remind everybody that's listening that and

take it for me. Somebody who's on social media posting their best moments getting the comments that are like, how do you look like that? And sure, I have my good days, but also you need to remember that these are all angles and our best moments and our cutest photos, and my tennis moments and my favorite outfits and the most flattering bikinis, and um, although I do love to work out and eat right and take care of my

body more so for my mental at this point. Um, I just I think it's really important that everybody reminds themselves we're all kind of living in this fantasy world where we see everybody every second of every day looking their best, and it gives us all these like false ideas in our head that we're not good enough, which is just so not the case. So if anybody can preach it to you, I hope you can take it

from me, somebody who post my best moments. And then also when I think about that, I feel guilty because I'm like, well, I don't want people to get the wrong idea that this is what I look like all the time or I'm always feeling this good. Um. I also think that social media can dehumanize like a lot of people sometimes and make you feel like the people

you're following aren't really real. And I remember when I was on I had lost a bunch of weight, like right before the summer of last year, and then throughout the summer, I think I gave like ten or fifteen pounds, which really isn't a big deal to like most people, i'd hope, Um, But I remember getting a brand deal and it was like these bikini posts that I had to do and I was freaking out because I was so insecure about it. I was like, I don't want to do this. I don't feel the best right now.

I don't look like how I was posting on social media the last like three months anymore. And it's like you get so in your head about everything, and I just want people to be reminded constantly that like everybody has um I don't know, just their sensitivities and stuff that you're so consumed with and concerned about that other

people don't get to see. And I remember also, I was going on Dancing with the Stars right after all of this, and I was like, people are going to think I'm like lying all my social media because again it was posting my best moments when I felt like my hottest version, really really good. And I don't want this to get twisted. It's not to say if you gain weight that you're not hot. That's not at all

what I'm saying. But it is like I'm going on National TV in one version of myself and then all my Instagram I look like a different version of myself, and that can be really really tricky for a for somebody who's doing it themselves because you feel guilt and you feel bad for portraying this image, but also to my followers, it's also not fair. So I just want to remind you that, um, you're seeing everybody's best moments

and you really do mean that. But um, in terms of the workout questions and how many calories I eat and stuff like that, it's really not for me about counting my calories or pushing myself in the gym to where I feel like I'm going to throw up and die. If you want to know my real secret, this is what I've seen do wonders for my body. This is how I got in probably like the best shape of my life, um, about a year ago, and this is what I've been doing for the last month again, and

I really see a difference. And I've talked about it on my YouTube a little bit before, but it's this exercise called twelve three thirty which was created by Lauren Giraldo and she's awesome, But basically, you just put your treadmill at an incline of twelve, you walk at a speed of three for thirty minutes. I sometimes will do like a ten minute app work out, I'll do like a ten minute but workout after it. But that's pretty much all I do. I also love Sammy Clark's workouts

on her app called form Um. You just sign up, but they're all like thirty minute workouts and you normally just need like a band or five pound weights and you can just do it in your house and those are really great and easy. Um, just little things, because I feel like the most important thing with working out and um like staying consistent with it is finding stuff

you actually like doing. If you're just working out and thinking of it as like, oh, I just want to be in this like certain body type or this like whatever, you're never going to stick with it because it's going to become tortuous, you're going to create negative feelings towards it, You're going to correlate it with bad habits and kind of unhealthy habits. So I think finding stuff that you like. I also really like pilates, which I don't do enough,

but I do enjoy it. So I think stuff like that. Okay, enough about that, now that I got that whole spiel out of the way. UM, I think this is another great question, and I also want to answer it because I have no idea what the answer is, but I think we can all relate a little bit, and it's best advice for young adults who are struggling to figure out what to do career wise. Oh sis, you're telling me, Um,

I don't know. I don't know, like the opper answer to it, I think something that when I talk to people, because I feel I feel you, it's really scary, especially like for me at least, like just I can only

speak for myself. I think I started social media and YouTube at such a young age before it was really a job, and then obviously going through everything um with the whole college thing and everything in the media, and I feel like after all of that, I'm I'm a just I feel like entirely different, but I don't have that same like I don't even want to say connection

with my audience. But I think because I took so much time off, it's like I don't even remember what like it was like to be that invested in it. And I think I'm still struggling to figure that out. So I get it, like I do understand being at this age where you kind of feel the pressure to figure it out and having no idea what the next best move is. I think some advice that I hold very close to my heart that's been given to me is just be patient with yourself. I know that's really afical.

I also know everybody's in different circumstances, but I think just remembering that, like the key word in that question is as a young adult, we're still young and we have time. And Um, last week's episode I had, or maybe it was a few weeks ago now, I had Katie Austin on and she was telling me a story about her dad where I think it was her dad. Yeah, he like figured out what he wanted to do at some crazy age like way later in life, he like

finally figured it out and went back to school. And you guys should listen to that episode if you haven't already. But um, I think just knowing that, like, you're on this path and it's not going to be the same, and you've got to not compare yourself to the people you see online or the people in your friend groups or other family members, because everybody's on their own journey and you're going to figure it out at your own time. I think though starting and actually actively doing stuff is

a really good first step. I think if you're just sitting around hoping that things are just gonna like fall into your lap and come your way, it's probably very rare that that will happen. I think you actually have to start and pursue something, and if you don't know what that is yet, that's okay. But trying different things, trying to find your passion, I think is really cool. Um, trying to make your passion into some sort of job that can create like a reliable income, I think it

is probably a good first step as well. But I think also taking a little pressure off yourself because you're young and you're going to figure it out and you're not gonna be jobless forever, I promise, UM, So try to take a little pressure off yourself. I like this question a lot. It says what something people seem to

misunderstand about you. I'm hesitant to talk about this type of stuff because I feel like every time I do, and this is not meant to sound arrogant, because it's going to come across that way, but I don't mean it that way, I swear, but I feel like it ends up in the media anytime I talk about this

quote unquote scandal. Um. But I think one thing people misunderstand is that they think that like just unfazed by it, like never affected me, no problems, And I sit here sometimes and I'm like, hmm, I don't know how to convey to people that like this was the most like life changing like wake up call ever. I also feel like people, a lot of people don't know like all the details and the ins and outs of like the

real things. So I think people hold a lot of anger towards me that maybe necessarily isn't entirely like supposed to be put on me. And I don't know how to say that without walking on eggshells. But um, I think one day I will or somebody hopefully and my family will cover what happened. Um. But I do think that it's a big misunderstanding that like, oh, how dare you just move on with your life and like you don't care and it's like, no, this, I think about

this every day. It completely changed who I am. I everything I do is like that's in the back of my mind. Um, I feel awful. I feel terrible about it, and like me posting and trying to come back to social media, I always see the comments of like, oh, this girl, like she's just coming back again, and it's like, well, I have to live my life, and like I know for myself that I'm not a terrible person, like I want to go back out and do what I'm passionate about.

But at the same time, I hate that people think that I'm just like I don't care, I'm moving on. Um and like so much of the time I feel like I'm not talking about like what I'm doing to give back or do certain things because I can already foresee those comments is like, oh, you're just doing this to talk about it. So I'd rather just do it privately and just know why I'm doing it, and then

who cares if people figure it out or not. Um. But I just I think that's a big misunderstanding that people think that like it doesn't affect me and I don't care and I can just go back to my normal life because I can even begin to explain like how much it has affected and how much I just want to make things better and I would do anything to go back in time to make this all go away,

like believe me, um, but I can't. Unfortunately, and I think all of us at some point in our life have regrets and mistakes, and we all wish we could go back in time and fix those things. And I think when I'm trying to learn as I get a little bit older, is being a little bit more forgiving of yourself and understanding that you know, just because one thing happens in your life, that doesn't mean you deserve to hate yourself for it, even though it's really hard

not to sometimes. But I think, just um, I just want people to know, like me posting me trying to move on and put a smile on my face isn't because I don't care. It's just because I, for my own mental I just can't live in this for forever. Um, what keeps you motivated? M M? I think what keeps me motivated is the people I surround myself with. Is something that's really important, which I'm just figuring out now in my life. But it's so true. It's like you

kind of are who you're surrounding yourself with. So if you're surrounding yourself with people that are, um, maybe just on a different journey or path than you are, just maybe doing certain things that like aren't benefiting you in

or like not doing stuff for you. But you know what I mean, Like if they're doing stuff and you're doing it with them and that's not benefiting you in your career life or your personal life or whatever it is, I think that you could take a step back and look kind of inward and see, like, Okay, like I love these people, and I love this at a distance, or this works for me and this time, but like I also need to find people that are going to motivate me to you know, really focus on my work

or my health habits or whatever it is. Like I think for me, it's like a perfect examp up. What I can give is one of my best friends, Natasha, who has been on the podcast before, has been in my YouTube um. But she and I have very similar careers, like just mindsets. I think we both like love the same things, and so it's she's like a really great friend to have because she keeps me really motivated. Whether it's like she text me this morning, Yo, we're working

out today, no questions. I'm like, Okay, I kind of needed that because I didn't want to, you know what I mean. So I think it's people that are just like around you that like motivate you, I think is something that's really important, and also holding yourself accountable is obviously very important as well. How to deal with friends never replying to you or not feeling valued by your friends. Um, I think that, well, I'm really sorry to hear that,

because that's not a good feeling. I also know what that feels like, and it's like super painful. And I know what it feels like to just want people to like you and to feel like, oh my god, does this person find me annoying? Or am I like a bother to them? And I think it's I wish I would even take my own advice sometimes, but it's easier

said than done as well. But also remembering like if those people aren't valuing you as a person and who you are, and you can't be your authentic self in front of them and around them, like are those really

good friends anyway? Like do you want them? I think something that's also really important to learn as we get older is being okay with being alone, which is really hard and something that I'm still working through all the time, but it's it's it's so important to like know that you can be on your own and that you enjoy your own company because at the end of the day, that's like you're one constant, you will always have yourself.

So I think that's crucial in life. Um But in terms of that specific question, I would say trying to find new friends is probably a good step. I also know that's really tricky because like, where where do I

meet new friends? How do I meet new friends? I don't have all the answers to everybody's like different situations and circumstances, But I know that for me, in my experience with friendships, it's it feels a lot better to remove the people that don't make me feel good and that I'm always questioning, like should I be around them? Is this annoying to them? Whatever? Like, it feels so much better for me now to just be on my own.

And I think as you focus on yourself and you remove those negative people from your life, and you're focusing on your career and you're focusing on things that make you genuinely happy, like other things will fall into place. Um, But I know it can be so difficult. So I'm really sorry to hear that top five skin care products. Let's get into beauty, Okay, I think I have m hmm, it's hard to choose just five. I think for face wash,

we'll start there. I saw this in an Alicia Keys skincare video and I've used it and it made my skin beautiful. It's called Osmosis. It's like a facial cleanser. It's gorgeous. Ten out of ten would recommend. I think another skincare product I love is Supergroup super Goops glows screen. If you don't like the way like glowy skin looks though, maybe not for you, but I love that. Um Okay, that's two. I think. Three would be Oh, the one

one skin hydro gel moisturizer. It's a little bit expensive or a lot of it defensive, but it is one of the best things I've ever used in my life. Four I would say the one one skin eye patches. Amazing. They feel so good. I love putting them in a beauty fridge. Oh and five this ice roller that you can get from Amazon and you stick it in your freezer and it's the best thing and I highly recommend it. And if you're tired when you're waking up, boom, it

wakes you up. If your puffy wakes you up. I had a laser appointment recently, and you're not supposed to go in the sun if you laser, like laser hair removal, so don't do that if you didn't know that and you laser. But I was in the sun and the woman asked me like, hey, have you been in the Have you been in the sun? And I was like no, because I really wanted her to do the laser appointment.

But I shouldn't have done that my whole skin on my face like because I laser like above my lip and like my sideburned area and I completely broke out into like a bunch of little dots everywhere, and I was Coali, this is karma. This is what you get for lying to the laser lady because you want to get the appointment out of the way. And they asked for a reason. Um, but I had this ice roller and I was just rolling it on my face like constantly after and it did wonders. So I think it

has a lot of different purposes and good uses. And yeah, I would just ten out of ten recommend that will you do more collective and designer halls in the future, and missed them so much. I actually think my next YouTube video is going to be a collective try on hall. I think I've decided recently for my YouTube because I've been feeling a little bit lost on like what to

do on my channel. I feel like I go back and forth between vlogs that I love and then I'm like, no, as the vlogs annoying, Like it just looks like I do nothing all day, and I think people don't realize that making filming doing nothing, it's like kind of my job, Like I don't know, it's really bizarre. But um, I think I kind of want to go back to like my o G YouTube videos kind of like collective halls,

like remember that one. If you guys are o G subscribers, you would remember I used to do like these blinging on a budget videos and I do all these like different jewelry collections that were like pretty inexpensive or like medium to Um yeah, I'd say it's like moderately expensive but nothing crazy. And I loved those videos. Um, I just didn't get ready with me for my last one,

which is really fun. I also think for me, something I'm noticing is and something I want to just remind myself is like it's so easy to get caught up and like start feeling kind of bad when I'm like, my views used to be like this and now they're like this, and I forget that that's not why I started my YouTube at all, and that's not something that

should keep me motivated. And it's like I started my YouTube channel and I was posting every week whatever I felt at the time was like what I liked and enjoyed to talk about, and um, I would get one view or two view or I had ten subscribers, and I literally didn't care at all. And so I think that's a something I need to get back to, is just being like you do this channel because you love it, not because you care about a number on a screen.

And I think that's also a bigger message in general, is just like when we all die, what does it even mean the number on the screen? Does it really mean anything at all? No? And that's so much easier to like say out loud, and then you know, harder to live by and really believe. But it's really true, like if you do take a step back, basically with

anything in life. I always think about this too, with like stress, if you're under so much stress and pressure, and I always felt this way in high school, if I was going to get like a bad test grade or I didn't complete an assignment on time, I would get so anxious and so stressed about it, and I would always try and remind myself, and I would always say this like grand scheme of life, Like, am I going to be thinking about this in a few months

down the line? If you years down the line, probably not? And if I am, then like maybe you should figure that out and assess it, but probably not. So just constantly reminding yourself like brand scheme of life, I think is it's pretty important because it puts a lot into perspective and also to think about, like what you're really stressing about? Is it that big of a deal in comparison to like everything else we have going on in our world? Who knows? How have you changed during the pandemic?

This is an interesting question, Um, how have I changed during the pandemic? I think that I've become way more antisocial for starters. That's also what I've discovered is my body. Not that I'm old by any means. I'm still really young and I know that, but I feel like my body has aged so much, like I can only drink one day. You cannot catch me drinking two days in a row. I am not equipped for that. My body gives out on me, it hates me. I don't know

what's happening. I also think hangovers, though, are genetics, and you can't convince me otherwise. Like my brother gets the worst hangovers, I get the worst hangovers, and then all my best friends no hangovers. Everybody's fine, So I don't know. I think that's one thing I changed with is I can't rally, and I don't like being a social um. But I also think that I've gotten a lot more comfortable being by myself. I think that I've learned I

really enjoy like my downtime. I really enjoy like treating myself in a way that's not materialistic by any means, but more so like self care. I think that's something I've really prioritized in the pandemic, especially because in the beginning that's like all there was to do was just stay home and like do a face mask. So oh, I also discovered in the pandemic I really love to cook and bake a lot. So yeah, how do I deal with my insecurities? It's ruining me day after day,

and honestly, I am so tired. I'm so sorry, because that's just the worst feeling ever. I often feel like when i'm insecure too, I'm like the most depressed, like anxious, like kind of just angry version of myself. So I know what that feels like, and I know how tiring it can feel. Hey, I think you need to be a little bit easier on yourself. I need you to remind yourself that the insecurities you're focusing on, I can promise you nobody else is thinking twice about like I

can actually promise you. We make this like story up in our head that everybody's watching us, And the truth is, everybody's kind of selfish, is what I've discovered in life, and not even if you're a good or a bad person, nothing. Everybody's just consumed with themselves. I think that's just how humans are born. And so you just need to remind yourself like somebody else next to you is probably focused

on their insecurity rather than yours. I've never looked at somebody and been like this about them, or like I don't even think that before for that, I'm focusing on myself, you know what I mean? So I think that's a very important thing to remind yourself. I think if it's something that you can I don't want to say fix or change, but if it's something you're insecure about that you're just letting yourself be insecure about, I think that it's important you start to figure out ways to I

don't know the right way to say this. I want to say, do something about like it, because I think also I'm trying to be like sensitive with the way I word things, But I also think a lot of people feel these insecurities sometimes and then we just because I'm guilty of it too, and then I just sit in them and I don't really try and do anything to like fix it or help myself. And so I think if it's something specific that you can do little things to start to help yourself a little bit, like

try it. What's there to lose? Like um? And I think also if it's just so much in your head at this point and you're just constantly convincing yourself and building this insecurity in your head and it's becoming like monstrous, you need to talk to somebody about it. Like I often suggest therapy to all of my friends because I think that's like the one thing that's helped me astronomically in my life. And um, it sometimes just feels really

good to talk things through. Even if you think it sounds so dumb, it's really not, because everybody's feelings are relative, everybody's problems are relative. Like sometimes it's really good to just let it out and have somebody listening to you.

It's a really good feeling. And I also think that sometimes we go to like our friends or our moms or our dads or our siblings, and you want like a certain response from them, and if they don't give it to you, it can be really heartbreaking, and you keep going back for this advice and it's like not the advice you want to hear, but you keep doing it because it's like, well, they're my family or that's my best friend, Like I I want to tell them.

But I think what I've learned with therapy is that some things are better to just talk to somebody else about that doesn't really have like such a close relationship with you, or it doesn't have like a bias opinion on something in your life. Um, sorry, that was kind of about insecurities, and then it kind of took it somewhere else after I started talking about therapy, because I could talk about therapy for hours. But I think it's just important to let somebody hear you and to feel

like your feelings are really validated, because that's a real thing. Okay, I'm gonna answer two more questions and then I'm gonna bounce, so I don't bore you guys too much. How to get over your first heartbreak? I won't even ramble. Just time. Just give yourself time. That's like the key. Okay, last question, ever have days where you don't work out, clean or

do anything. Really, I've been feeling super low lately. I think I've seen a bunch of different questions like phrase differently um from this, so I think it's very relatable. And my answer is yeah, of course. I think sometimes it's really hard to get up and motivate yourself. I think something that somebody once told me, which is a really good tip, and I think helps me get out of bed without feeling so lazy and then entering like a YouTube or TikTok hole and then I'm stuck there

and then I'm really unmotivated. Is not checking your phone when you wake up none of that is literally waking up and going straight into the shower, like just getting up, walking your shower, starting your day. Don't even look at

your phone. I think that's so important. I also think in terms of cleaning, if you can clean a little bit every day instead of letting things pile up and then you're like, oh, now I have to clean everything and it looks like super overwhelming, that's a really good start too, is like little by little, and like if you make yourself breakfast, just clean it up right away.

Don't leave it in the sink and then wait for lunch to leave in the sink, and then dinner leave it in the sink and then put it all away at night, Like that's just annoying. Just throw your plate in the dishwasher, do a little hand wash if you don't have a dishwasher, and carry on. I think little things like that are helpful and we'll motivate you to

um I want to keep things clean as well. In terms of working out, sometimes I don't feel like it at all, but I know that it's important to move my body, not even physically, but well physically too, but especially mentally. So if you want to go for a walk a nice long walk that's always really nice outside. If you want to turn on like a no equipment fifteen minute pilates that you can just do on your floor while you watch some TV like that counts too.

So I think it's just starting to do little things to make yourself feel okay, like I did that. That's progress. And then the more you start to do things like that, it's going to start to change and you're gonna start getting a little bit control back and you're gonna feel a lot better, at least in my experience, and I

really hope that works for you. Um. Okay, Well, I feel like this was long enough, and I hope that you guys enjoyed this podcast and that I didn't completely bore you because I didn't have a guest and I know that's not super normal for this UM show. But I want to say thank you so much for listening, and I hope this helped somebody out there in the world. UM.

Please make sure to message me on Instagram. I love hearing your guys feedback and thoughts on this podcast so much, and please make sure to send me suggestions of people you really want to hear on because that helps me a ton, and with all that being said, I'll see you guys next week. Bye.