Conversations with Danielle Ruhl from Love is Blind

of the cast members. But please welcome Danielle from Love Is Blind. Well, thank you so much for coming on today. I absolutely loved watching your journey on the show along with others. How was that experience? Like, where are you from? Do you want to just give like an overall background and then maybe explain how you even got the opportunity to be on the show. Yeah, it's it's crazy. I'm from a small town UM in Illinois, so this is

a great experience UM to go through. So you're up in Ottawa, Illinois, UM, which is a relatively against small town, and then went to the University of Illinois to study advertising and I now work UM as an associate marketing director UM, which I really enjoy so again, like it's so crazy to now be in UM this kind of entertainment space. But there was a couple of different things, and I know I kind of spoke about them on the show that kind of had me gravitate towards this

experience UM. And the main one is that I actually have like a certain personality type that I naturally gravitate towards, and even like going through dating apps, it's so hard for me to get a sense of like who I would want to go on a date with, because I'm more attracted to someone's energy than I am the way that they look. And most of the dates that I ended up going on I almost said no to just based on the pictures that they took and not even

necessarily like looks. It's like, oh, this person has a certain dress, they might not necessarily be interested in me, or this person all the time I don't do that they might not be, and then going out with them, you realize it doesn't even matter. It's like the personality UM kind of that I that I gravitate towards, but that personality ended up being like me. So I'm the only dating people that were like me, and it obviously

never worked out. And so one of the coolest things about the Pods was not only like not seeing someone or basing it off their apperiance. It was dating fifteen people, finding people that acted like me, but gravitating towards the one person who was almost like completely opposite. And I was like, oh my gosh, this is what I should have been going for this entire time, and that's why ultimately, like we are still going strong. Yeah, you guys are one of the few couples left right, Yeah, there were

two couples that got married and we're still together. Yeah. Wow, congrats on that. So after this experience, do you believe like that an emotional connection is more important than physical attraction? Oh? Completely, completely. I think like the more you get to know someone, the more attract If they've become totally in every relationship

I have had, that kind of just naturally happened. But having that without seeing them and then seeing them, it's just like they're already attractive to you, right, I feel like, yeah, once you also know somebody, you find them attractive, so that even like anything they do becomes attractive. And I actually relate to that a lot, Um, how did you get How did you even find the show? How did

that come about? Yeah? So, um it was actually someone who I talked with on Instagram who didn't really even give what the show was, just asked if I would be interested, gave a high level overview of kind of what the experience was like. Um, so I had a good guess. But after having a couple more conversations about just you know, the premise and what they're truly looking for, what I'd be truly looking for, I was like, Yeah,

let's do it. Yeah, for sure, that's awesome. When you were on the show, was it hard to avoid picturing what other people look like or like even when you were talking to your now husband, did you like have an idea of what that was? Okay, So, even when I'm on work calls and it's not on camera, the picture that I have in my head is so I'm so wrong. All the time time that I tried to picture someone, and so with almost everyone that I was like dating, I had this idea of what they looked

like in my head. Again, completely wrong about everyone. But for some reason, the more I tried to picture Nick, the more I couldn't and it's like part of me didn't want to do that, but part of me did. But the more I think about it, I was like, I can literally only picture him as this blue wall because I'm falling in love with the voice behind it

and that's what I'm staring at the entire time. So it was like it was so weird because I did have like a visual of everyone else, but he was the one person like I literally cannot even like maybe maybe that's a good thing. So then when you saw him, it's not like you were like had these expectations, you were just like content. Yeah, seeing him for the first time was crazy because again, like I had absolutely no

expectations of what he would look like. But the second I saw him, I was like this makes sense, like and that was like the weirdest thing where it's like it wasn't you know. It was because like again like both of us kind of believe that it was fate, um and we talked about this for so many different reasons um, and just like having that feeling of like, oh, like this is exactly what I was expecting and I wasn't expecting anything. I was just like that's crazy. Yeah,

that's so exciting. Though, because like also, you definitely you go in with an open mind, but to actually come out of it with like a full blown husband was probably not your expectation. I was like, I still look, I'm like, did this actually what's happening? Am I gonna wake up tomorrow? Like when did the show? Like when is it? Because I'm assuming it's not real time? Right? They have to edit do all this stuff, like did you guys shoot this month's prior you got married June? Okay,

so it's been a minute. Oh wow, you guys have been together for a while going strong. Congrats When you guys were in like the actual pods, when was the like the moment you knew you had feelings for one another? Was there like a pinpoint moment in your head where you're like, oh, okay, I like this guy. It's and again, like I am not an aggressive person. I am a girl's girl through and through. I usually shy away if

other people are interested in someone that I am. And again, it does like kind of fall into the insecurities that I had. But um, and also I just like I'm a people pleaser, So it's like I don't want to make other people mad, and so um it was actually

day two. It was so crazy because the first conversation you have is it is a pretty quick date, and immediately it's just like you know, and it's kind of like you're getting to know each other someone painstakenly slow, just because you're like, oh my god, like, oh my god, the time's already up. And then our second date, um, I cried, like I lead left crying and I was like, oh my gosh, I've already not felt this level of emotions.

It was crazy. I like didn't even believe it. I was sitting there like I need to call someone that knows me so I can explain how crazy this is. They're not going to believe it. But it's like it's crazy the like a motions that you can develop. And that's why, um I kind of did. Like there was a lot of other people interested in Nick and I typically again like would shy away and maybe like not be aggressive about it, but I was like, I'm so confident that I'm just gonna like go all in on him.

Um So day three actually, um that I decided to kind of like already cut everyone off. I know, like you're supposed to keep an open mind, but I was just like, yeah, I was just like there, it's just the way that I felt about him so quickly. I was like, there's no way I could catch up with anyone else. Yeah, And it was like the next day that he kind of gave me the same feelings where it's like I wrote actually the same exact letter about you last night. So oh my gosh, that's beautiful. You

guys are like in sync. You two obviously got engaged on the show. I always wonder, I'm like, because I put myself like, I'm like, if my sister or somebody went on the show that I was really close with and they met this guy and then they were engaged in a few weeks, I'd be like, as a sister, super hesitant, I'd be like, wait, do you know this guy? How did your parents or your family feel about it? So it's interesting because my family on my mom's side, they kind of like are the same as me where

they feed off of energy or my energy. And when I um first introduced him to my mom's side, immediately they were like, the way that you act around him is completely different than anyone else you've ever dated. And you know, it was actually like my mom pulled me aside once he had left and was like, wow, like I really like you two together. So they were like, yeah, my dad, he's a little bit more um critical, you know, like very hesitant. He's like, Danielle, don't do this, take

your time, um. But I think ultimately he cares about me and didn't want me to end up getting hurt. But I had to go with my gut. But the one thing that I actually thought was super interesting was the absolute most critical person in my entire life about everything is my grandma. Like she hates TV. She like doesn't watch it. She didn't want me to like expose myself to even that. And so when I told her, like I'm going on a TV show to to find a potential husband, she was mad at me, like legit mad.

And so I was like, and she tells, she tells the truth, Like anyone you her, she will be like, I hate him. And so we were actually the most nervous to meet my grandma. Um. So Nick and I went to meet my grandma and she said the same exact thing is my mom's side of the family. Actually, She's like, you guys knew what each other was gonna do before you even did it and you've only known each other for a short amount of time. She's like,

I've never seen you in that state before. So it's just like now that all of my family is getting to know them, Yeah, like like it would that's so perfect, I know because obviously, like in relationships, it's very important for your family to like your significant other, Like it's huge, especially if you're getting married to them, um, or you are married in this case, Um, did you watch season one and was anything like was anything like to be expected or did anything happen on the show that was

super unexpected or were there surprises? You know there weren't necessarily surprises because I did watch the first season, Um, I mean the fact that I the biggest surprise for me really was the feelings because I was like, yeah, you can meet someone, Yeah you can, like I want

to get to know them better. But again, it's like it's crazy the way that they designed the experiment, Like it's like the amount of feeling like I can't even articulate it because it's like for me, it's still even hard to believe that in three days, like I told him I love you first too. I've never done that, And yeah, and like I've literally only said that to one other person that I was in a relationship before, and that was just like did I say that? And

I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. And that's like the thing that was most surprising. It's like, holy crap, Like now I see what you know why everyone in the first season, you know, developed the relationships that they had, um, because like it's again like a feeling that no one else will be able to ever

really yeah unless they go through it. Yeah crazy. Um. I also like I really admired how like open you were on the show and just talking about like things that I maybe wouldn't even like go out and say publicly just about myself or how I view myself for talking about like your panic attacks, And I really admire that. And I thought also he looked like he has like a great way to support you. Was that scary at first being that open with him and like maybe being

terrified would that scare him away? And I think it was like scary at first, but actually after going through the experiment, I found that the more I talked about it, the easier it actually does become. Because there are so many other people that really and so just realizing that you know, you're not alone in the way that you feel, and other people might experience similar struggles. Like my definition of anxiety is obviously going to be different than a

different another person's definition of it. Um. But when I was growing up, I wouldn't tell anyone, like I would completely mask it, um and that ultimately just made me feel worse. And now that I've spoken extremely publicly about it, it actually allows me to talk about it with anyone. Like, even before this came out, I was finding myself more vocal about certain things that I felt since a kid. And I'm like, and it did help me, and it helped others because they're like, oh my god, I feel

that same way too, and I've never told anyone. And I think that that's like one of the most gratifying parts about all of this, you know, is like there have been like a lot of wonderful people who have been like, oh my gosh, I feel like this, Like you've made me feel better about myself, and um, like I read your posts and I was able to stop crying and take up on today and like that's what

matters to me. Yeah, for sure, Because also, like anytime you talk about your own experiences and if you feel like that's helping somebody else, it's so fulfilling. And also it becomes less scary to talk about because you're like, wow, so many other people feel the exact same way as me. Um. Was this like a learning curve for him or did he have to like was it at first like it was just like he really understood and he was patient, and UM it just kind of like clicked and worked

through like supporting one another. Is this something you guys have had to adjust and work through as you've been together. This is something that we're constantly working on, um, because again, like in one instance, I might need to just go and be alone. In one instance, I might need him to come and hug me, And I can't expect him to read my mind of what I need in every

instance because it is different, UM. And so as we're going through different things, I have to learn to be more vocal about like it's not you because I want to be alone or you know, I want you to come over here and hug me. So I have to make sure that like I'm communicating and he's patient with you know, if it is kind of like different based on what like kind of is inducing the Yeah, I totally get what you mean. Yeah that makes sense. I

feel like obviously they say communication is key for a reason. Um, you've been super open about your struggles with body weight and body image, and I feel like I have so many young girls on my just that listen or watch my YouTube videos that are constantly asking questions about that. It's again something I really really admire you talking about because I know other people can relate. Um, what helps you,

like or what have you found just in life? Doesn't even have to be in your relationship that helps you stay positive, just something for like maybe some young girl

or a little bit older listening. So um, one of the things that I've done since um because again, like seeing myself talk about myself like that or even like realizing that, you know, I was my own worst enemy like that was difficult, and like I wanted to start viewing myself the way that my friends do, the way that my husband does, the way that my family does.

And so I bought a lot of like self love workbooks and it's actually like a guided um like weekly past that you have to do, and it learns to forgive yourself. It's like, Okay, I hate my stomach, but how else would I eat? Oh, my legs are fat, but how else would I walk? And it's like really really like rewiring your mind to appreciate your body for what it is and now what it looks like, but also focusing on more who you are um as a person. And every time that I'm like feeling low or I

am feeling insecure, I give myself advice. As I went to a friend, so I am am Asian, like one of my best friends coming to me and saying something, and then I was on to them and it's like, this is true, this is true for yourself, this is true for everyone. So again, just like being a little bit kinder and patient to yourself because it's so much more than just what's on the scale or what you're buying. Really have to learn to love yourself from within and

then everything else will kind of yeah easier. I agree with that. It's so hard though. It's so hard, especially because we're all our own harshest critics. Like you, the things you're pointing out about yourself, nobody else in the world is thinking about it, guarantee it. But it's like it's so impossible to like not feel that way when you're in your own shoes. Um. But anyway, did you guys watch the show back together? I'm really curious if people do that after they've been on a show. Um,

the good part we did. Um. It was funny. When we watched our um proposal. We both cried. Yeah. I when I watched the wedding, I stopped like a baby for like two hours. It's so sweet. Yeah. Yeah, So it's like rewatching those moments and being able to like have all of that, you know, to watch the rest of our lives. It's like, it's so beautiful. I think we might have watched the proposal like twenty times. I haven't gone to that part yet. I'm really excited to

see it. I still have oh wait, the proposal, like the like in the bubble, in the bubble, Oh, I did see that. I'm way past that part. That was really cute. It's really fun to watch. Honestly, I love it was there. I don't know if you can even answer this, because I don't know how these shows work and like what you're allowed to say, well you're not allowed to say. But is it really just like straight reality or is there like is it like a little

scripted in the pods. Like it's like, really, we just naturally like talked about every single thing that we wanted to Like, yeah, we were we were just like and again, like you really don't like it's like the cameras aren't visible. You're really just like going in and having like whatever conversation do you want? And him. That's why it's like crazy that him and I like immediately started having these

deep conversations. But it was because our energies connected like so quickly that it was like, I'm going to tell you every single thing that's ever happened in my life that no one even knows about. It's like, wow, I can't relieve I just did that. I'm like National TV. I love it. Um, you guys are one of the only couples obviously you said they're another couple, but you're

one of the last men's standing. So what do you think the key to that is or why do you think maybe you guys are the duo that has made it through a lot. I think we just constantly looked back to the love that we have for one another and restating what caused us to fall in love in the first place. Because it is really difficult. Like one of the things that I say is there's a reason that you know people date because there are certain steps that you know, you get to learn about one another.

And even just like in terms of communication, it's like speaking a different language. It's like you don't just actually learned how to talk the way that someone else has talk, or interpret something that someone else is interpreting, and every everyone's definition of one thing is different than another person's.

Um So I think like this experience specifically does throw you into tough situations very quickly that help you like also overcome like like some of the arguments that we had actually are beneficial because if we wouldn't have had those, what if they happened after we were married and so um, Like that was beneficial, but also it was like tough

to go through. But I think like that's one of the things that actually did end up helping and then um doing like couples therapy after that, because we did need the extra help to learn how to communicate with each other, learn that each other's definitions of things, and so again just like constantly reminding ourselves like hey, like we're gonna be okay, We're married, We're stuck together. We're gonna get this. None of these stupid fights are are worth it, and so it's kind of like keeping that

in the back of our head. Would you say, you guys are still in like the honeymoon phase. You know, it's so weird because I feel like we're still like boring, not like boring, Like we have a lot of fun together, but it's just like so normal. Yeah. I think I think the high like we had, like the one day of honeymoon fizz is like this one day in Mexico,

we were just like having so much fun. But I mean, I think there are certain times we're having it's just like again, like this is such a weird experience and it's so hard to articulately totally get it. But it's like it's already like he's best friends with my family and my best friends. I'm best friends with his best

friends and his family. And so because of that, and because it's progressed so fast, and partly because of like the different stuffs that you go through within the experiment, Like it's just like we're like a couple that's been married for like that's what it feels like. What's like your biggest takeaway from this whole experience or something that

you learned the most about yourself. About myself, um, I would say like making sure that I don't project my own own insecurities or anxieties on to other people, because like recognizing that there are times where and even still now and I'm getting better at it, it's something that I'm still working on. It's like I could be upset about something in my entire Bible change and I won't necessarily realize that the Bible change, and then I'll be

hypersensitive to something that someone else will say. And that happened a lot throughout the experiment, and again like rewatching that and understanding that and being able to work on it in both like individual therapy and couples therapy, I'm like, okay, Like here are different tools that I can put in place to make sure like if I am feeling a

certain way, I'm not projecting. I think, like my insecurities, like I am a lot more confident now and it's it's never just going to completely fade, but but being able to like actually find reasons to love myself and just not wait stuff Like I was like, oh, I have a double tin there and I don't even care. It's so important it really is. And I also feel like it's I mean, at least in like my well, obviously I'm not married, nor have I ever been close

to getting married or engaged. But my experience with boyfriends, if you're feeling insecure about something and they're constantly like hyping you up or making you feel beautiful, like kind of like in a weird way, it does help because you're just like, okay, somebody else can recognize, like, and then you feel a little less crazy for thinking it yourself and you're like, okay, we're all good, everything's fine. But it is like that reassurance and just like being complimented.

It's just like a lovely feeling. And I think you, like, actually, you bring up a good point, Like I think that part of the way that we met without seeing each other, like I felt so confident in our relationship without having like any looks in that again, like my biggest fear was the reveal, Like I like I like before like Nick, and I was like, oh my god, Daniel, what what the heck did you get yourself into? Like you're like like insecure person and now you're gonna have to like

see someone. Um, and that was like leading up to like going to actually take part in it. I was like, oh my god, what are you thinking? But again, like because we met without seeing each other, I wasn't as worried about what he thought about me. And like I gained fifteen pounds during filming this, to be honest, Yeah, and like usually I would let that bug me, but because I was engaged to someone who I know could

care less, it bugged me less too. I think that's a huge testament to the show itself, Like that's so incredible that like you wouldn't even because just as a normal human we overthink everything. Even that doesn't matter, Like why does it even matter if you gained or lost fifteen pounds? It shouldn't matter, Yeah, exactly, you know, but that's so amazing that you found somebody where you're like, I, I I don't even care, Like I know they love me for me and it's not about what I look like.

And that's like such a rewarding feeling. I'm sure, Oh my gosh, yeah, what is life looking like now? Um? We we're living together. Um, it's it's it's a blessing because we used to like it was funny like right after we when we weren't living together, most of our arguments would happen over text or de chat when we're working, and it would all be again about misinterpretations. And now that we're here, we still g chat and sometimes we'll

misinterpret each other. But I can just peek in the other room and be like, hey, perfectly what I mean about that? Um? But yeah, so right now, it's it's been really good living with one another. Are so we're living at next place? Um or Nick's condo in Wicker Park. Um, it's we are looking for a new place just because we both work from home and I'm like in the kitchen and it's very hard for him to not be able to come to the in the kitchen, like pretty

demanding jobs. But I would say, um, he's starting to get a little pissy with the cat, and do you have a cat? So I have a cat and he has a dog, and we're trying to train them to become best friends and they're getting there, but his dog tried eating my cat's proop the other day, and now I think he hates her. It's not your fault or

your cats get a self cleaning, leaner, litter box, there solutions. Yeah, and then she's just like she hasses at him and she'll yell at I'm like, I swear it takes time. She'll stop hissing and it'll be okay. You know what, though, I get it. I have a really loud dog, and until my dog knows you really well, he will bark and scare you the entire time. And I'm like, trust me, I'm not making this up. Just give it some time, like it will be fine. So maybe that's just similar

to your cat. I know, like before and again, before we lived together, he was like obsessed with my cat. She loved him more than me. And then now that we are living together, I'm like, please don't start hating her. He won't hold get out. That's here now and don't worry about that. It'll all be good. Are you guys just gonna keep it like pets for now or kids in the future. You just still riding the wave of being married. I mean, because it was such a like

quick timeline. We're actually at our one year anniversary. You're gonna have like a mini party to celebrate, and then our two year anniversary, we're going to throw like a full blown reception where I want like all my family and friends that were able to make it the first time, um like just completely like made for us, because like that's really important to us to like keep celebrating and keeping our friends and family as a part of the celebration.

We thought, like and again, we're not trying to put a timeline on it, but like maybe like in a three year mark, just because we have so many different trips and and things that we want to do beforehand, so we're definitely going to like at some point down the line. Well, thank you so much for coming on. I'm really happy for you. It sounds amazing. It sounds like your relationship is flourishing and all the right ways,

which is so exciting. And also it proves reality TV can make you fall in up seriously, I like again, like that's my biggest takeaway, Like I cannot believe that it's like true, Like it's like but's so exciting, and congrats, Thank you, Thank you so much. It was great talking with you. Yeah you too. Enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you you too. Bye bye.