A big part of divorce is figuring out the impact ending your marriage will have on your finances. The obvious concerns are what it means for your present lifestyle, but you can’t ignore the consequences on retirement. That means understanding the Divorced Spouse Social Security benefit. There are lots of rules and caveats for this benefit and it’s hard to remember them all … Joining me for this Conversation is Leah Hadley from Great Lakes Financial Solutions ( https://www.greatlakesdfs.com/) . L...
Nov 04, 2019•29 min
More and more people are filing for divorce themselves, without lawyers. But most people do need legal advice on at least some aspects of their divorce. And, sometimes, couples can’t agree, and the divorce turns into a fully contested, litigated divorce. So how do you find the right divorce attorney for you? The challenge is often knowing where to start. You’re unfamiliar with the legal system in general and with domestic relations, in particular. You’re overwhelmed by the end of your marriage a...
Oct 21, 2019•37 min
Most divorce professionals will tell you that everyone lies at some point in their divorce. For many people, they might be harmless ‘white lies’ that are told to try to make the other person feel better or to avoid a confrontation. But then there are the lies that are deeply deceitful. They may cause significant harm, even be life-altering. The sad truth about your spouse’s lies in divorce is that you may have little legal recourse. How can this be? What does it mean for you? What needs to chang...
Oct 06, 2019•32 min
If divorce is confusing for adults, imagine how it is for your kids. It seems like everything in their world is changing and they have no control over any of it. It’s up to you to help your kids understand divorce. We often hear that children are resilient and adaptable. I also hear parents say that the kids know that the marriage is ending but they don’t know much about why. The parents think they’ve kept their disagreements private. They think they’ve shielded the kids from the undercurrents i...
Sep 16, 2019•32 min
With Facebook’s announcement that its own digital currency, Libra is coming in 2020, this type of asset is going to become much more common. If you’re ending your marriage, that means you need to get up to speed about divorce and cryptocurrency. Cryptocurrency is often thought of as hard to trace, difficult to value and highly volatile. All that can spell trouble when you’re negotiating your divorce settlement. So what exactly is cryptocurrency, who typically holds it and how can you find it? Jo...
Sep 02, 2019•32 min
If you’ve been Googling ‘sexless marriage’ then you may also be wondering if passion in your marriage can be rekindled. Most people who now have little to no physical intimacy with their spouse will tell you that it’s not how the relationship started. But somehow, at some point, the passion started to fade. The sex became tense, distant, infrequent. Couple that with feelings of rejection, abandonment, not being loved and even talking about the lack of sex becomes challenging, if not impossible. ...
Aug 19, 2019•29 min
You may not realize this, but your mental health may not be private in divorce and it could be used to restrict your parenting time. That’s a counter-pull to the current initiatives in our society. We’re being encouraged to talk openly about, accept, and destigmatize mental health issues. We’re being urged to seek help and treatment for our issues. And, when we do access help, we expect that to given in confidence. There’s a patient-physician privilege to protect us. That’s there to create an en...
Aug 05, 2019•33 min
Many people never suspect their spouse is seeing someone else. They’ve never imagined it. They’ve never thought about what happens when you discover your spouse is unfaithful. Yet, infidelity is often a factor in divorce. The Institute for Family Studies reports that among ever-married adults who have cheated on their spouses before, 40% are currently divorced or separated compared to 17% of adults who were faithful to their spouse. That underscores the devastating impact that infidelity has on ...
Jul 22, 2019•33 min
One of the benefits of marriage is that it usually means you have a travel companion, and if you have children, then school breaks are a great incentive to get away. All that changes with divorce. You no longer have your spouse to travel with. Compounding that, your friends are probably all married so you're not likely to tag along with them. It's even harder when you're an empty nester and the kids are doing their own trips. A common complaint from newly-singles is that they have no one to go a...
Jul 08, 2019•34 min
Stalking is not uncommon during the end of a relationship. With today's technology and our quest for connection, it's easier than ever to track someone. It's easier to do that without the person's knowledge and it's harder for the person being stalked to stop it. So what is stalking? When does stalking become a crime? What are the common methods of stalking and how can you protect yourself? My guest for this Conversation is BreAnne Meyer, Outreach Director for the Safe Shelter of St. Vrain which...
Jun 24, 2019•32 min
Falling in love happens organically. It's exciting, scary, energizing all at the same time. But what happens when the relationship ends, and especially if it's not what you wanted? What do you do when you still love the person who no longer loves you? Do you really just have to wait for time to heal all wounds or are there actions you can take to help that process. My guest for this Conversation is Wellness and Divorce Coach, Lisa Arends. She writes the blog Lessons From the End Of A Marriage. A...
Jun 10, 2019•32 min
If you're in a sexless marriage, you are not alone. It's one of the top search terms on my blog and in my experience talking with people considering divorce, there's usually a reference to living like roommates. What is considered a sexless marriage? How long do you wait to do something about it and what should you do? Does it always mean you're destined for divorce? Joining me for this Conversation is Vicki Larson. Vicky is an award-winning journalist and co-author of "The New I Do: Reshaping M...
May 27, 2019•35 min
If you can work cooperatively with your spouse through the end of your marriage, it's better all round. Better for your emotional health, better for your kids and absolutely better for your wallet. But that's not always possible especially when there's been domestic abuse, whether it's physical. emotional or financial. Abuse makes ending a relationship much, much more difficult. We know that on average it takes a victim seven attempts to leave an abuser before staying away for good. We also know...
May 13, 2019•34 min
It's pretty typical in a marriage for one spouse to take on the responsibility for doing the taxes and often times, the other spouse is all too happy to be relieved of that task. And then divorce happens ... And then they find out that the taxes they thought they had filed, haven't been filed ... Or, the taxes they thought had been paid, haven't ... Or, they hear for the first time that there's tens of thousands of dollars owed to the IRS. Then what? Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Claudi...
Apr 29, 2019•31 min
Figuring out where to live after divorce is often very unsettling and is the issue that causes the most upheaval. While you and your STBX are discussing what happens to the marital home, you feel in a state of limbo, uncertain where life will take you. That makes it hard to make other decisions and yet, at least one of you is going to have to move. Here you are, in the middle of one of life’s most stressful experiences, with everyone telling you no to make any major decisions and there’s this on...
Apr 15, 2019•33 min
It doesn't matter the circumstances of the end of your marriage, we all learn things about ourselves in the process. We learn our values, our beliefs, our choices and, if we do the self-work we understand where they came from and if they are serving or hurting us. This is your baggage. We all have it. And if you want to find happiness after divorce some it is going to have to go. Mandy's guest for this Conversation calls it "taking out your trash." Antonia Ragozzino has just published her second...
Apr 01, 2019•32 min
Talking about credit scores doesn't sound like a very interesting topic and in fact, it's good if your credit score is boring. That would mean that it was at least stable. But stable is often not what's going on in divorce and divorce is frequently the time when people are looking at their credit score for the first time or in a long time. As we start to talk about things like getting a new credit card, closing out old accounts, qualifying for a mortgage or car loan, the importance of your credi...
Mar 18, 2019•30 min
There's little disagreement that ending your marriage is one of the most difficult experiences and transitions you'll have in life. It can also be one of the most isolating. In the months leading up to going public, people often hide the truth about what is going on from family and friends because if you can work it out, you don't want people to know about all the problems. Once the decision is public, people are still quiet about what's going on. That's a mixture of wanting some privacy, fear o...
Mar 04, 2019•32 min
While deciding to divorce is always a hard decision and not something anyone wants, for some people it becomes very clear that this is what needs to happen. Often times this involves infidelity, domestic abuse or addiction problems. For others, making the decision is much more challenging. They get along OK with their spouse, don't really argue, parent well together, can make decisions together but there's something's missing. Usually it's a lack of intimacy - physical and/or emotional. It's a r...
Feb 18, 2019•33 min
Boundaries is a word that comes up often in divorce-related discussions. Certainly, the changing nature of your relationship with your ex may make it apparent that it's time for new boundaries with them. Dealing with friends and family members may also prompt you to re-examine your boundaries as you try to protect yourself from over-sharing or being told what you should and shouldn't be doing. And then there's dating ... that experience may make you wonder if you ever had good boundaries to begi...
Feb 04, 2019•31 min
One of the most common reasons for not ending a marriage is not wanting to break up the family. Yet, ask people who are post-divorce and they'll tell you with no uncertainty that they are still a family, just a bit different now. This tells us that the sense of family is important to many people and that what family means is fluid. So how do people accept their family is changing? What does family after divorce mean? What can you do to shape the family you have after divorce? Joining Mandy for t...
Jan 21, 2019•33 min
Divorce is always an opportunistic event except that most people don't see it that way. It's opportunistic because at least for the person making the decision to end the marriage, they have concluded that life will be better outside the relationship. It doesn't mean that the divorce was what they wanted or that it isn't hurtful, painful and difficult. Nor does it mean that every aspect of their life will be better. Finances might be worse but emotionally it would be better. Lifestyle may change ...
Jan 07, 2019•31 min
The standard advice for a non-working spouse used to be to sit tight and not make any changes. They likely could continue to stay-at-home and may even get lifetime alimony. That's not the case any longer. Alimony is likely going to be limited in duration and more and more professionals are saying get back to work and don't wait. So what should you consider? What sort of work are you expected to be doing? How could this impact your spousal support? Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Ann Grant...
Dec 24, 2018•32 min
Typically, what happens in divorce is that one spouse keeps the marital home, buying out the equity of the other spouse, or the house is sold and the net proceeds shared. But more and more couples are finding that this won't work for them. Rising mortgage interest rates and increasing house prices are driving divorcing couples to see how they can continue to co-own the marital home after divorce. These arrangements can absolutely work however there are many details and situations that need to be...
Dec 10, 2018•34 min
Healing from divorce is something we all need to do. It applies just as much to the person who initiates the divorce as the person whose spouse makes the decision. Working through the recovery process stirs up so much - some from your childhood and family of origin, some from our cultural and societal norms and expectations and, of course, a whole lot from what happened during your marriage and previous committed relationships. While we all need to work on our healing, many people don't and the ...
Nov 26, 2018•32 min
When you hear a tale of abuse, whether it's in the news, a friend or a family member, and whether it's physical, emotional or financial abuse, do you find yourself wondering why the person doesn't just leave? Why do they stay? They know why. They know exactly what it takes to leave an abusive relationship. In fact, survivors have often left many times and the obstacles to being alone force them back to their abuser. Joining Mandy for this Conversation about leaving an abusive relationship are Ja...
Nov 05, 2018•30 min
Juggling parenting and working is hard enough - doing it when your children are in two homes is even more challenging. When you're trying to make sure your child's other parent is on the same page with schedules, transportation, homework, activities, play-dates, doctor's appointments, it's easy for something to fall through the cracks. In fact, it's inevitable. You know it's going to happen and you just hope that it won't be something too important. Who doesn't want an assistant? Well, chances a...
Oct 22, 2018•31 min
Apologies are powerful - done well, they open the door to healing, make amends for wrong-doings and may lead to forgiveness and rebuilt relationships. The absence of a sincere apology on the other hand, can make relationships worse, destroy trust and create obstacles to healing. In the context of divorce, the lack of a heartfelt apology can lead to bitterness and resentment over the end of the marriage, and may seriously hamper the ability of parents to work together for their children. But apol...
Oct 08, 2018•35 min
The gold standard in parenting after divorce that we're all supposed to aim for is co-parenting - you work collaboratively on all aspects of your child's life with your ex. You work to adopt common parenting strategies, have consistent rules between homes, attend events together, and some even vacation together. The reality is that very few parents can accomplish this all the time and for some parents this is an impossible standard most of the time. Trying to follow co-parenting strategies may a...
Sep 24, 2018•33 min
If you're looking for guidance on divorcing with adult children, you might not find much.They tend to be the forgotten demograhic: the legal system is all about minor children and there simply hasn't been much research on the impact of divorce in adult children. That's probably because until recently divorce among people with long term marriages was less common. That's changing and in fact, the divorce rate among people aged 50 and older is increasing. That means more and more adults are experie...
Sep 10, 2018•34 min
