Words for the Workplace: A Deep Dive into Emotional Communication at Work - Day 3 - Burnout

This mini series will cover five words or work categories that we can start bringing into the workplace to help communicate our emotions in more specific and helpful terms . Hello and welcome . To Connect the Dots , lead the Way . I'm your host , heather Valseric .

I am a white female with short , strawberry blonde hair , I am wearing tortoise shell glasses and a purple shirt , and I am sitting in front of a teal wall with multiple pieces of art displayed . Welcome back to day three . I know that if you are listening to this in sequence or at the time that it's coming out , I am late . Today .

I did not put this episode out in the morning , but it is coming out on day three . So here we are , there we go . I will be back for day four tomorrow and again on day five , so just anticipate that . You know they'll come out later in the day , probably . Anyways , it's day three and today's word category is burnout .

Dun , dun dun , I don't have a fancy sound board to make that sound , so you get me . What is burnout exactly ?

So , according to psychology today , burnout is a state of emotional , mental and often physical exhaustion brought on by prolonged or repeated stress , and , though it's most often caused by problems at work , it can also appear in other areas of life , such as parenting , caretaking or romantic relationships .

I found the opening quote , the one by Laura , as I was reviewing a list of quotes that I had made over the past several years and when I read it the other day I was , I'll be honest , I was a little perplexed about it . But like it felt weird to say that burnout was a result of doing good work .

And for a little additional context here , laura is focused on helping with burnout and compassion fatigue in the ministry , and so that kind of it kind of connects some dots there , hopefully . But it did , it did . It felt a little wrong , it felt a little odd to say that burnout was a result of doing good work .

And I'm not saying that it's not because if you're pushing yourself to the point of of stress and burnout , there are some underlying things there that are pushing you to do that , and some of it is probably the fact that you're trying to do good work . You are out there trying to do your best , you're .

You know we're gonna talk a little bit about perfectionism today . That may be some of the things that are contributing to this burnout . But when we think about the physical exhaustion that is brought on by prolonged or repeated stress in the workplace , this doesn't happen in a day . It's , you know , it happens over time . It's not a quick thing that happens .

It's a gradual process , that kind of just snowballs really . So we need to find the words to say and share before we get to that point of burnout . So let's work backwards a little bit . Let's see what emotions that we can address before we get to that burnout stage . Now , all week I have been digging back into Renee Brown's book Atlas of the Heart .

So I'm going to share a few more emotions from that book that we can name . And if we can name them early and we can seek out support , then we can help each other prevent burnout or at least lessen the overall effects . And so I've got several here and I didn't type them out , I've just I'm just going to read them from the book .

So if you want to know what the book looks like . This is the book , so we're going to start with the first one I have on my list , which is stress let's see Storytime everybody . But she says so stressed is in the places we go when things are uncertain or too much , and so she says when .

So we feel stressed when we evaluate environmental demand as beyond our ability to cope successfully . This includes elements of unpredictability , uncontrollability and feeling overloaded , and stressful situations can be both physiological , which is your body , or psychological , which is your mind and emotion reactions .

And you know this is she gives this example in the book between being stressed and overwhelmed of when she worked in a restaurant , and so I'll talk about that in a second .

Let me talk about the next word I want that I want to introduce is overwhelmed , and she says overwhelmed means an extreme level of stress , an emotional and emotional stress , and overwhelmed means an extreme level of stress and emotional and or cognitive intensity , to the point of feeling unable to function .

And gosh , you know it's and she she also shares from Miriam Webster that overwhelmed is completely overcome or overpowered by a feeling or thought , and I think so . These two go hand in hand , right Stress and overwhelm .

They're written about together in her book and because stress is like the first sign and when stress gets to be too much it then becomes overwhelm .

And she , like she said , she talks in the book about the example of when she worked in a restaurant as a waitress and how , if you know , you were kind of , you were behind , you were behind , you know , you just needed some help . You could walk into the kitchen and be like , hey , you know , hey , I'm in the weeds , man , I'm in the weeds .

And then somebody would be like , how can I help you ? And you'd say , yeah , go to table . I need you know . Could you read tea , table three and five . Could you run bread to table seven and eight ? You know just , can you help me out for a second , just help me catch up .

And that's that's stress , right , it's when we've got a lot going on , right , we're feeling a little bit like , oh okay , maybe we should . If we can ask for help . I'm in the weeds , we can get a couple of people to just help support a little bit . We can lower that stress level .

But then she talks about overwhelm in this example would be when she , when somebody would walk into the kitchen and they would just say I'm blown and in that just simply meant like you were just done , right , you needed , you needed a timeout .

And she said , you know , if somebody walked into the kitchen and said that it would go quiet and immediately , like there would be people , somebody going to the host's stand what are her tables ? Let me go fix them .

Like the kitchen's over here looking at the table , like everybody's rallying around you to give you that space to go , take 10 minutes and regroup , right , let that overwhelm that extra that . What did she call it in here ? That extreme level of stress to to subside and die down a little bit .

And then in 10 minutes , right , you were expected to be ready to go . And I like this analogy because this is what happens , right , we , we feel that stress . You know you're , you're doing a project at work , you have a lot of deliverables and you've got so many things going on .

And then it's like you're starting to feel overwhelmed and it's like , okay , wait a minute . Like I'm in the weeds , right , I got too much to do . Who can I call on to help ? Like , who's there to help ? And you know , maybe that's your team , maybe it's a peer , maybe it's your boss even just what can you do to try to lessen that load .

And then , if you get to the point of being overwhelmed , because maybe you didn't stop at the stress moment , you didn't stop to say , hey , I need help , you ended up pushing through and you end up at overwhelm , where you are , you know beyond what is to say , again , the extreme level of stress in the overwhelm .

This is when you got to take that time out , right , you got to say , hey , wait a minute , I've got to decompress here and maybe that looks like taking a day off work , maybe that looks like taking a half a day , or even , you know , maybe it's just talking to your boss and say I need an hour .

Right , I need an hour , I need to , I need to walk away from this computer , I need to reset this mind because I am overwhelmed with everything that's going on . And if you can start to express those things , that that stress level , that feeling of overwhelm , if you can start to do that in the workplace , it can help .

You know , it can help like not put you to the point of burnout . Right , you can , you may , that may still happen . I'm not saying it's not going to happen , because it does , but you're at least trying to , trying not to let it happen . Right , you're doing the work on the front end to help , you know , keep burnout at .

You know , at away , I won't even say at arm's length , farther than arm's length , but you're , you know , you're trying to to keep these things in check . So , stress overwhelm . The next word I want to talk about is expectations , and let me find the definition Okay .

So she says in here that when we develop expectations , we paint a picture in our head of how things are going to be and how they're going to look , which is true , right , that's what . What do we expect to happen from here ?

And then she says later in here communicating our expectations is brave and vulnerable and it builds meaningful connection and often leads to having a partner or friend we can reality check with , and I think this is key . This is why I wanted to bring this word in . This is something we need to really talk about and understand in the workplace a little bit more .

Is the expectations , communicating the expectations ? So , again , it's brave and vulnerable to communicate our expectations , and I'll give you an example , a real life , recent example honestly .

So , in my job , I'm , you know , developing a program for a leadership development program , and you know I've only been here for a couple of months and it has been just a lot . There have been moments of overwhelm here , but when I think about , like , when my boss and I would have conversations and she would ask , like well , what do you need help with ?

Or you know , she would be giving me like this knowledge share of things that had happened before , right , trying to knowledge transfer , and it would be very overwhelming to me . And expectations were it's not that they weren't clear , but it was just it was hard because I was new , right , I didn't know how to really decipher these expectations .

And so then I have a team and so I've done my best to try to like manage this fire hose for them , right , like just turn it on a little , turn it off , turn it on a little , turn it off and ease them into the program because it is a lot . So setting expectations for them has been a little different .

And so I went through situational leadership to last week and it's that that's a whole other like podcast to talk about . But in situational leadership it talks about meeting the person where they are . So as an employee meeting , you know you have a development level , like where are you ? And so as the manager or the leader , you need to match that person .

So if there's somebody that is at a development level one , they're really excited about what they're doing , but they have no clue , they are inexperienced , don't know what they don't know , but they are excited to dive in , let's go . You know that's their attitude and as a , as a leader , you have to come to that .

Come to that person with a very , very high level of direction . You have to give expectations . You can't just be like you got it , do go and do this thing . You know , and you know I would tell you . Know . I apologize to both my , to both the members of my team , and in one of our partners .

I was like , listen , I have not done the best job at this . I've been leading you the way that you want to be led . I've been leading with my , with my green energy , my empathy , helping others type of energy .

But I've been leading them as far as a development and situational leadership way that it's been more of a , an S four , an S three or S four , which is where someone is , they are , you know , they understand right . I don't have to give them a lot of direction . I don't have to give them a lot of support .

It's just like , okay , we're going to do this , you good , all right , perfect , go , go , do and go conquer . And and I wasn't doing a good job of that , I was .

They were at a D one level on a lot of things and I was giving them an S four leadership of , just , you know , low support , low direction , because that's where I was like , oh , they got it . But , in all honesty , they were excited and enthusiastic .

They have a lot of skills that can transfer over to do this work , but they still need a lot of direction . They need me to set the expectations for them .

And so , in that , in kind of coming together with my team , we had such a good meeting today where we really dove into situational leadership too and understanding this information , and so we can get on the same language , because it takes the ego out of a lot of things , because now we can set expectations , like I expect , as a leader , that if my , if my

team member says hey , I am at a D2 , right , I'm at a development level too , right , I'm a little confused , I'm a little frustrated . I feel like I know what I'm doing , but I don't know still . There's some things like I still need some support right and some direction . You know I have to be ready for that .

I have to set the right expectations for where they are .

And this helped as well because I had a meeting with my leader today that you know now , that you know , now that I can speak the language of situational leadership , we were able to go through some very specific things that I was like , hey , I'm at a D1 here , I'm super excited to learn about this thing and to be able to do it .

And I got a couple skills I know that I can transfer over , but I don't know what to do here and I don't know what I don't know . So I need your help there .

And we had such a productive conversation today about expectations , what she expects from me , what I expect from her , and that being those things being able to set those expectations , being brave and vulnerable , building that meaningful connection that Brunei talks about that can help again keep burnout in check .

It can keep it off the radar because you have the clear expectations . You know what to expect . You know what to expect from above , you know what to expect from the people . Maybe you're leading and then that can help you manage the stress . It can help you manage the overwhelm For yourself and for your team .

Because you've been clear about those expectations , I hope I didn't get anybody too lost on the situational leadership . If so , just let me know , just send me a message or a comment Then I'll make sure I make it , you know , clear as mud . Ah , it's . My stepfather used to say Okay .

The next one I want to talk about is discouragement , and I forgot to tell this . So expectations and discouragement come from the places we go , when things don't always go as planned . Yeah , those are definitely the emotions there , aren't they ? So discouragement .

So she talks about in here that being discouraged she says discouraged , resigned and frustrated are also ways that we feel when things aren't going or didn't go as desired . And she said the simple ways to think about this is that , if you're disappointed , right , it didn't work out how I wanted and I believe the outcome was outside of my control .

You know , somebody made a different decision , they went a different direction . Okay , not in my control , so I'm disappointed about it , regretful , it didn't work out how I wanted and the outcome was caused by my decisions , my actions are failure to act , right , like I regret eating the piece of cake , what you know , that kind of thing .

Probably a bad example , but maybe you follow , hopefully , discourage so this is the specific word I want to talk about , but I'm losing my confidence and enthusiasm about any future effort . I'm losing the motivation and confidence to persist and so discouraged .

This really , and even reading it now too , reminds me of situational leadership , because discouraged is losing confidence and enthusiasm in your effort . Right , that's something that if you're not letting your leader know that this is happening , they can't come match you with the right expectations , with the right support .

So , knowing that , hey , I'm discouraged with this , this is the emotion that I'm feeling right now , I need to let my manager know . That is the key to again help stay , you know , keep stress and overwhelm and burnout away . Right , because you're being clear in those expectations . Then it says feeling discouraged and resigned are about effort rather than outcome .

With discouragement , we're losing the motivation and confidence to continue with our efforts .

With resignation , we've lost the motivation to keep trying , and so I think that that's again it's key to understand what , how to express this , because if you can't express your discouragement , if you can't express the unique , clear expectations or you can't express the expectations that you have , that's going to lead to the stress .

And then , if you can't talk about the stress , that's going to lead to the overwhelm , and if you can't talk about the overwhelm , that's going to lead to the burnout . It's , it's a cycle , right ?

So , like I said before , we're working backwards to figure out what are the words , what are the emotions , what are the things that we need to be aware of , so we can speak up sooner , so we don't get to that place of burnout . I have three more . Yeah , four , two , three and a half . One of them is two that go together .

The next one is perfectionism , which is a topic I can talk a lot about . Recovering perfectionist here . So perfectionism so in the book , this is in the section places we go when we fall short and she says shame is the birthplace of perfectionism . Perfectionism is not striving to be our best or working toward excellence . Healthy striving is internally driven .

Perfectionism is externally driven by a simple but potentially all consuming question what will people think ? And I'm going to read this this little bit longer section . It's on this really nice , beautiful quote page here too , but it says it may seem counterintuitive , but one of the biggest barriers to working toward mastery is perfectionism .

In our leadership research , we've learned that achieving mastery requires curiosity and viewing mistakes and failures as opportunities for learning . Perfectionism kills curiosity by telling us that we have to know everything or we risk losing , or we risk looking less than .

Perfectionism tells us that our mistakes and failures are personal defects , so we either avoid trying new things or we barely recover . Every time we inevitably fall short Again . Perfectionism is something that , like this book , is one of the things that really really spoke to me about perfectionism . This , this one and Dare to Lead .

I will say Brene probably helps me the most in my recovering of perfectionism and the fact that perfectionism is that you know it's externally driven , right , what will people think ? And so keeping that in check . You know , obviously you're going to need to get feedback on things .

You're going to need to get feedback on stuff from your boss , from maybe your boss's boss , you know . You know there are things that right now , in the pipeline of my approvals , it goes to the chief human resources officer . That's like , ah , what ? It's a little scary , right , but my motivation it's a healthy striving , it's internal . It's not a perfectionism .

It's not a oh my gosh . What are they going to think ? I got to make sure , no , that's not the environment that I'm in . Thankfully , I've been in that environment before and being able to name and separate it , to say , okay , what I'm doing right now is this internally driven or is this externally driven ? Am I looking to say what will people think ?

Will I get the accolades ? Will I get the awards ? Will people like it ? Well , some of that is okay . If that's all that you are consumed with , that's when it tips over into that perfectionism , like that bucket tips over .

So just be really mindful of how you're thinking about , like the different things that you're doing , and if you're falling into perfectionism , because that causes stress , which causes overwhelm , which causes burnout , like you see , you're following me , I know you are Okay . The next one , slash two .

It's connection and disconnection , and this is from the section places we go when we search for connection . Well , it seems fitting , doesn't it so ? Connection , she says .

Across my research , I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen , heard and valued , when they can give and receive without judgment and when they can derive sustenance and strength from the relationship I like this connection is our neurobiology . Now , disconnection .

Disconnection is often equated with social rejection , social exclusion and or social isolation , and these feelings of disconnection actually share the same neural pathways as the feelings of physical pain . I love the neuroscience part of the stuff .

So , in terms of how can understanding and talking about the connection and disconnection at work , how can that help us keep burnout at bay ?

Right , how can using these words and these ideas and expressing these things help us in the workplace is , if you're feeling that disconnect , if you feel like you are being excluded , if you feel like you are being isolated , it's having the ability to say wait , I feel disconnected from what's going on . What can we do ? What can I do to get back ?

What can I do to feel that connection again ? Because having the connection , those things come together and if you're connected with someone , then you're able to talk about these feelings .

You're able to talk about how you feel maybe disconnected from somebody on the team , or how you feel like professionalism not that Perfectionism is causing you issues , or you're discouraged with something or you're not clear on expectations .

So if you're able to build the good connections there , you're able to again express these things more openly to help you keep burnout at bay . Last one anger . I can't do my best like evil laugh or anything that feels weird . Okay , anger . So it says here .

If you look across the research , you learn that anger is an emotion that we feel when something gets in the way of a desired outcome or when we believe there's a violation of the way things should be Absolutely . And she talks about anger is an action emotion . We want to do something when we feel it .

You want to hit a wall , you want to throw something , you want to scream , you want to yell , you want to cry . You want to do something . It's an action . And then she says , though , anger is also a full contact emotion , because it activates our nervous system and can hijack our thoughts and behaviors .

It can take a real toll on our mental and physical health . So there's another quote about anger that I want to talk about . Oh , there it is . Okay , I'm going to read this quote and then bring it back together , and then we'll be ready to wrap this up . Anger is a catalyst . Holding onto it will make us exhausted and sick .

Internalizing anger will take away our joy and spirit . Externalizing anger will make us less effective in our attempts to create change and forge connection . It's an emotion that we need to transform into something life giving courage , love , change , compassion , justice . So anger if you can realize those moments , that the emotion of anger start to build right .

If it's because you feel disconnected , if it's because you feel like somebody said something to you and so you're , the perfectionist side of your brain was like oh , you know , or you're , you're upset , right , and so you're discouraged because you know you didn't do something the way you wanted to to be done .

Being able to name it , to call it , to say it , those are the things that , again , it helps lessen the stress so you don't get to overwhelm , so you don't get to burn out . And this is by no means an exhaustive list of words . I mean I could go through all like 82 or however many are in this book and relate them back to this honestly .

But if we can begin to identify and name the emotions in the workplace , then we can be better prepared to support one another . And psychological safety , trust , connection those things play a big role for letting individuals speak these emotions and work through them in the workplace .

If you don't have that space at work , I encourage you to see if your company offers an employee assistance program , often called EAP , those benefits can help you connect with a counselor . You may get a couple of free sessions or they may just be able to connect you with one .

If you have insurance , you can maybe utilize those benefits and find a counselor near you . There are also places online to get support . The key is to find a group or a person that you can share these emotions with and work through them to develop a plan to avoid burnout .

These are really key things and I think part of the reason I struggled last night to write this podcast and why I'm not recording it until tonight is because it's a subject near and dear to my heart . I've been there , I have been at the burnout , I've been in the pit of burnout and it's terrible . It's a terrible feeling .

So being able to go back and talk to her , like working backwards and figuring out what are those emotions , what are the things that we can talk about in the workplace to help us avoid getting there , what are the signs that we can see in our peers or our leaders or our director report ?

What can we see that maybe can help keep them from the stress , the overwhelm and the burnout .

If you have any additional words that we can use to help express our emotions before we get to burnout , I'd love to know what they are . I'd love for you to head over to my sub-stack the link is in the description to comment . I'd love to know your thoughts .

What are their words or what things have helped you get through this Maybe get through stress and overwhelm to avoid burnout . Make sure you check out the links in the description to learn more about burnout from the Psychology Today article and Brene Brown's book Atlas of the Heart .

I'll be back tomorrow with more words for the workplace , but until then , remember that you are loved , you are worthy and there are great things ahead for you in this life if you trust and believe in the Lord . We'll see you tomorrow . Bye , music 9 .