Water sports 💦

Hello, I'm Artsimone.

During my time as a fabulous, gorgeous and talented drag queen, oh, I've realized that even the most ordinary and regularly seeming people can actually be some of the most interesting.

I'm speaking with normal looking people who live ordinary lives and trying.

To uncover what interesting job, hobby or secret they're concealing. I don't know what they're concealing, and neither do you. We'll meet the guest, find out a little bit about them, and after three heart hitting questions, I'll try and uncover what they're concealing, and then we can find out together. Welcome to conceal it with me, arts Simone. Alright, time to meet the guests.

Roll the time.

I'm Tara. I'm twenty two and I'm from Melvin, Victoria and I'm a full time law student at Monash University. I'm still specialized in law, but I'm very interested in constitutional law and entertainment law. Outside of studying, I love to go to the beach, I love water sports. I'm excited for art to guess my secret because, on the one hand, I have just been on TV telling people

Hello, I'm in the city with Tara. How are you.

I'm great? How are you?

I'm doing very well. Thank you for joining me here, having me all right?

So, Tara, you've got beautiful long hair, no, a little curl in it, some nice highlights through the front, gorgeous.

Noah's black skivy. Do you wear that when you do law things?

Yeah?

Quite professional, it's very Dare I say Apple Store? No? Like not Apple Store? What's his name? He's dead?

Now?

What's his name? Guy? The Apple? Steve Jobs? Jobs?

Yeah, this is my take me seriously outside.

Yes, Jobs, you've got a shell on a necklace around your neck. Sunning, beautiful, gorgeous, talented, unique, incredible, show stopping never the same.

Okay, so you like to go to the beach?

Yes.

I hate that you're putting me in this situation because you said you like water sports, and I just it's very dangerous to say that in front of a drag queen, and all I will say is me too.

But that's great.

What I'm going to do is ask you three questions and hopefully from the answers to those three questions, I can determine what your secret is. So first question for you, what is your spirit animal?

My spirit animal is a dolphin? Okay, okay, because I love the water and I love the ocean and dolphins very smart. So that's that's pretty cool.

Okay okay. And speaking of like smart things, you're studying law. So if you weren't studying law, what would you be studying?

Probably astrophysics? Yeah, what a physics?

Yeah?

I loved physics growing up and I was very into Like I was that kid that was always like, but why, but why when they said, you know, where did the universe came from? The Big Bang? Yes? But where did all the matter for the Big Bang come from? Came from? A black? Oh? Yeah, but where did that come from?

No, you don't ask any more questions in that Tara.

Because then you realize that were insignificant and we mean nothing. Everyone on a flying little rock through the space and we're all going to die.

I hate that. Oh my goodness.

I can't even look up at the stars at night time because they didn't feel sick. I'm like, oh, yeah, that's a that's a sun, and there's more planets, and it's probably aliens. N. I like to keep it local, you know, likeal to Earth, not just my suburb. I do get out of the house sometimes.

Every now and again.

As physicists, So you're good at physics.

I it was probably not anymore.

It's all just maths. Yeah, so you've got to maths were.

What was good? I'd say, Now I use my fingers again, but okay, used to be good at maths.

That's funny though. They just count your fingers as you get older. But they're very useful.

We have them for a reason.

Exactly, counting eating activities. Oh, so many exciting things with a finger exactly. And third question, what do you look for in a partner?

A few things. Definitely somebody who's smart, needs someone who can, you know, hold a conversation. But I also look for somebody who's a bit adventurous and open to trying crazy things. And also somebody has lots of weird and interesting hobbies. Somebody who gets what it's like to be entertained by unique things.

Okay, your spirit animal would be a dolphin. Yes, okay, you also love the beach, love to be in the water. Yes, you be studying astrophyzi that one, yep, And you look for a partner. You want someone that's smart, vengerous hobbies, strange hobbies.

So I have to determine what you're hiding from me.

Okay, wor sports dolphins, smart things?

Smart smart smart? Okay?

Do you dress up as an adult mermaid and like swimming swimming calls?

My secret is that I'm a real life mermaid. I perform as a mermaid at kids parties, at corporate events and inaquariums. I have been a professional mermaid for over five years now. Yes, Oh my godness, no one ever gets that. That's amazing.

I won the game. I'm really needed. I've worked yet. Who you are? I'm obsessed with mermaids like that. I just love it.

Tower is in fact a real life human mermaid woman person. Oh it's so exciting. I got it right, I actually got it right. And I just love mermaids. But how did she get into it? Why did she get into it? But also how wet? So we're here with Tara the human Mermaid, of which I have just guessed correctly, because I'm amazing. I have been studying for this my whole life. But I feel like there's so much more information I can get from the source. So first of all, how did you get into being a mermaid?

I wish I had like a really cool origin story like a superhero, but it's it's a bit bland. I was doing kids parties as like our Sun Princesses and all that kind of stuff, and I have a background in like scuba diving and sort of ocean water related stuff. I was watching YouTube, so YouTube of a girl swimming as a mermaid in America, and I did a bit of research realizing no one was really doing it in Australia. So I was like, okay, sounds like a job for me, and I jumped jumped on it.

You swim to it?

Do it?

I did you say you do for kids parties and things too? Do you take a pool with you?

Normally I go to people's houses if they have a pool, I'll swim in the pool, and if they don't, I just sort of sit on a couch like a fish out of water and entertain from there. But my favorite one to do is beach appearances, so where the kids will have a party at the beach and I'll swim in from the ocean and stay hi and play some games and then swim back out and disappear.

I feel like we have a lot to talk about because I, for my entire career have done Hen's parties and birthday parties, and I know about a lot of the logistical elements of trying to even just show up to one of those things on time, let alone in a Mermaid tail.

Yeah, and then I have to do it all without sort of being seen as a land person. So it's a lot of a lot of work with the parents and a lot of we'll call it distracting kids. There's cake over there. Oh my gosh, did you see the birdfly pass go out a look?

Land person?

Does that mean it's correct terminology you have to use within the Mermaid world?

I mean probably not, But I feel like saying, you know, I took off my toe and walked away sounds a little bit less magical than you know, my land person off.

Oh my goodness. We have a lot in common. Now, where do you source your Mermaid things from?

Well? I have lots of shell sort of jewelry, and I have crowns and headpieces and sea stars and all of that, and I have different tops. I have sort of ones that match the scales of my tail I have just sea shells. Depends on the crowd as well. Are we talking under five over fifty? You know that kind of vibe. But yeah, I have like almost a whole closet full of Mermaid paraphernalia and accessories and outfits. There's not really a market for Mermaid tails. So I

You three D printed scales to make your own Mermaid tail.

Yes, and then sewed them all on pay steak.

Wait are they on like a wet soup material?

Yeah, like a new print. So at first it was a bit bizarre, But now, honestly, I get in the water without it and I feel like I'm about to drown home. I don't know how to do this anymore.

Your land legs, you see, it's your land legs not designed for the water.

No, I just feel like it'd be really claustrophobic, Like I even some costumes I wear sometimes I'm like I have to like remove myself from thinking about it because I'm like, I can't. I could be stuck here right now. And I got stuck in a jacket the other day. My life flashed before my eyes. I was like, I'm in a dressing grip by myself in a different state at the moment. Everyone's gone home, and I couldn't get my hands out of a jacket. It was like the

So you just got the one tail at the moment.

Working with one tail at the moment, I feel like it's a recipe for disaster. I think it's time to upgrade to two.

You can have your timetail, your day toil cocktail tail, my everydaytail. I just call that your cocktail. But how fast can you see me in a mermaid tail?

I mean, I've never timed myself, but I definitely a lot quicker than them without one, that's for sure. They have a lot of propulsion. My flipper is like a monofin the competitive free divers for the people who dive without a tank, they all use monofins, so it is a product you can actually Yeah, so it is actually a sport piece that you used to swim faster in

Even the aerodynamics if you have three D printing scales and stuff.

Yeah, there was a lot of trial and error and a lot of where's the shallowest pool we can find for me to try this out in?

Yeah, we don't want to sink in like drown. Oh my god? How long and you hold your breath for underwater?

Then? I mean at the moment post holidays in COVID, probably about thirty seconds, but in my peak about yeah, two and a half minutes, three minutes? What yeah, when I'm well trained, that's not possible? Is possible?

That's death.

I'm pretty sure the record is like seven minutes or something.

Well that memde then, wasn't it?

Yeah?

Real made?

Yeah, real member, So you could you could hold your breath for two and a half minutes? How much training does it go into that?

A lot?

Like do you just sit at home.

And go.

Well, honestly, wish it were that simple. But as soon as you're underwater and move use up a lot mores.

Yeah.

So when I was sort of starting out, I was already very very active water wise. I was scuba diving a lot, which also helped expand my lung capacity and taught me how to sort of use as little oxygen underwater and stuff, because scuba is all about being really calm and you know, very meditative and it's very cool. I've never had formal free dive training, but I was self taught.

What's formal? Free? Don't have training. I don't know what free time.

Free timing. No, Honestly, I think unless you're like actively doing it, you probably would not know what it is. So you have scuba, which is with a tank and all equipment free diving. The idea is that you're more connected to the ocean, so you have nothing except maybe flippers and goggles. So you're diving just using your lungs and holding your breath.

No, yes, no, no, I've decided that's a no.

Yeah.

Yes, so for two and a half minutes, that's a really long time. So you're inside like an aquarium. Yeah, yeah, how do you faget to kids being like, oh yes, just going up to the books above the water.

Normally I will bring something down, So each time I come down, I bring a new piece of treasure to show them, which explains why I'm only there for a little bit of time, you know, because I need to go up and get my next piece of treasure.

You've got the backstories. All I have to say is, yes, I'm a lady. But you it's a lot harder for you.

Yeah, I've had some very interesting questions that you gotta gotta think on your feet, but I feel like after five years I've had them all more or less. It takes a lot to surprise me.

Now.

It does get to that point where you have experienced every single type of question possible.

Yep.

But every now and then there's something that you're just like, where did you even pull that from?

Yes, you do get the sort of you're not a real mermaid. But I don't want to say that my skill is manipulating children because that would sound really, really bad. However, having said that, little things like who here believes in mermaids? And then everyone except that child raise their hand. Well, we're all going to play a game where you can win prizes, and then all of a sudden, everyone wants to believe in mermaids.

You're going to be good in law, You're going to be.

So maybe don't tell people.

I said, that's so clever.

I feel like you can also bloody run like parenting classes.

But it is beautiful. I do love my job and I'm very humbled by what I get to do as well. I did a party and maybe like a week later, I had a mom email me because at the party, I do like a treasure hunt, and I explain, you know, when I'm swimming through the ocean, I see all sorts of things in the ocean. I have to clean it all up, and most of it is not good stuff. Most of it is rubbish and makes me sad because my home is being destroyed. And YadA, yadiyada.

I'm believing you, by the way, yeah you yes.

So I do collect some treasure and I bring it with and then the kids get to do a treasure hunt. And I had this mom email me a week after the party with a photo of her daughter holding sort of two giant bags of rubbish and told me that they went to the beach. It was like a thirty five degree day. All they want to do is get in the water. And this child insisted that Mermaidarial doesn't

Time where you have a guess, I feel even worse about myself because I am just a ransom.

That's so cool. I love that. Does your mermaid persona have a name?

I go by Mermaid Terriel. Yes, like Ariel, but Tara. I didn't choose the name.

It it chose you.

It did choose me a little bit. I was sixteen when I started this business, so I told my whole family.

Yeah.

I told my wholeamily, I'm going to be a real mermaid, and they also went, yeah, yeah you are. My dad lives in Berlin and I fly between the two countries, and I rocked up to the airport in Berlin and my dad's standing there with a giant sign going welcome home Mermaid Tarryel as a joke, and I said, you know what, I'm using it and look at me now.

One of my drag names in my early career was Scabitha because it's like Tabitha but better, so I get it's kind of terry, it's not. And what is the craziest gig you've ever done as a mermaid.

Honestly, I've been very lucky in the sense that I was so far only ever done very sort of wholesome, had very wholesome experiences. I haven't had that like who party that you just wanted to get out of. But the coolest thing I've ever very lucky, I am. I am very lucky, and I'm very aware of my fortune. I fake fake who ever looking down at me every day.

I've been married a scale and fall off and.

They're biodegradable, so okay, yeah you really.

Well.

Mark glitter is degradable too, so I'm just as good for the environment. I think I'll get into this man made great at it, but I could be a parking barker where you.

Just sit there and yeah, just fly around a little bit.

Has there been a moment in your mema Creer were You're like, oh, this is probably not good.

Me being trapped in a jacket. I thought I was gonna die.

So the sort of most overwhelming thing that ever happens is I always at the party's kids get to go for a ride on my back underwater with a mermaid.

Yeah, that's a death sentence waiting to happen.

And the only time where like I might feel less comfory than usual is the kids who are a bit nervous and get like the death grip on your throat and are like holding on for dear life. And I'm like, okay, it's just one end of the floor or the other. I don't need to breathe underwater anyway, We got this normally make it to the other side. That's the closest I get to being uncomfortable. You know what my nightmare is when it's super shallow because I can't swim, so

Yeah, think of that. Oh God, the tides out.

Or worse when I arrive and the tiders in. But by the time I leave the tides out and I'm completely beached and I'm like trying to bum shuffle my way down to the water again, and all the kids are following me. Oh to your it's it's a less glamorous side of mermaiding.

Yeah, you bring a chaperone with you to like, you don't go solo to these parties.

No, yeah, no, no, no, we're changing that now.

That's why you need to have a partner, because you just become like fondle of for everyone. They're just like, oh, I've bought you for the next hour, so I'm going to touch you or this once this another person will.

I mean when I do adult parties, I bring a sharper yea for kids to be worse. Yeah, although I do a lot of screening before and so I do, like, you know, a phone call a week before to discuss everything and lots of emails back and forth, so they do get you know, a lot of information. And I have got quite I'm a little students. I have got some pretty good liability waivers included in booking stuff, so I cover my bases. But yeah, corporate events or adult events,

You would because they're like, oh, no, it's kids party about.

Yeah, and you've got a girl swimming around in a shell bra I mean.

You booked for the kids or you booked for the parents. You'd never know.

Sometimes, no, you know what, I will take my money and so yeah, you.

Kind of sell your soul when you become entertainment for parties.

You do.

Like sometimes I used to just have to leave my body and be like when you arrive. You'd be you're arriving and you'd be sitting in the car out the front, and you'd be.

Like, oh, I know that, feeling okay.

Five minutes and I have to look I hate I always would arrive like thirty seconds before my call time because it's sitting in the car beforehand.

You just get nerves of oh, and you just get more into the oh, today might just not be my day? What if I just left? It's I always find one. I'd walk in and come out the other side. I'm always happy, Like I'm almost always in a good mood. It's that getting in there and knowing everyone's gonna be looking at you. You have to be fully on. Because I'm very much of the opinion I don't do VIP parties. Every little girl on her birthday is a VIP. Everyone

Entire How long has it appearance at?

Like a standard kids party, standing kids party is about an hour?

Yeah, never do longer than an hour ever, full stuff.

That's your you have a social capacity, it's social battery. It's an hour.

Never longer than an hour, because you stop becoming special after an hour, because they're like then they start going, oh, how many dogs do you have?

What's your favorite color? It's just so mundane and boring.

It's like in an and I find too when I get in the costume and everything, I forget that I'm a human, Like I don't have hunger, I don't need a pee, I'm not tired. And then sort of once I leave the party, I'm like, oh my god, it's all coming back to me once I'm hungry. I'm tired, I need a pee. And if I think if I left it for longer than an hour, I'd probably come out and just pass out.

Yeah, is there any other crossovers where you know you can use your law skills totally.

People always ask me that, and I'm like, if I can convince a room full of skeptical seven year olds that I'm a real mermaid a court room, easy peasy. I don't enough to think about it. They are my toughest critics.

That's like me.

I'm like, if I get entertain a room of hens with a packet of Plato, yeah, I could do anything very exactly.

Oh my goodness.

And it's the same skill set. I mean, it's you know, arguing on your feet and convincing people of your opinion. You know, the skills are really transferable.

So I've finally met a real life mermaid.

I think the only thing that can close us out is how do I become inducted into a mermaid you know, it's a Mermaid family.

How do I get into the world you know I would be part of it?

Well, I definitely think you can't really start your mermaid career without a mermaid name and a Mermaid persona, kind of like a drag persona. It's sort of who it's who you are as a mermaid.

Then okay, al right, okay, so I reckon a bit fishy fishy. Oh yeah, like a sardine that could be nice. Yeah, I think Sandra Sardine, that'll be me. I love that's quite nice actually, because I'm a more five D experience because I smell like sardine's as well.

I think that'd be good.

And the whole baggage charge extra.

Yeah, yeah, I think because I can't swim, I could appear in a net and I could be dropped down in a net and changing my name a net a net.

App.

Oh everyone, I've just met a real live mermaid.

I've met Terry Ol the Mermaid, and now I'm a mermaid too. Oh, I'm so exciting. You can just call me a net now and Terry al and I we're gonna go.

Off and Susan Bitch's.

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