The group chat 💬

Hello, I'm the talented and gorgeous drag queen Artsimone. I want a quest to find regular looking people who live ordinary lives but are actually concealing some of the most bizarre professions, odd hobbies, and weird secrets. The catch is I don't know what they're hiding, and neither will you. It's my job to ask the right questions so we can find out together. Who knows, We might even find out that they're the most interesting person in the room.

Hi, my name is Rick.

I'm in my early forties and I'm a stereotypical Melbourne I'm an art nerd, I'm a writer, I'm a music obsessive and Rick isn't actually my real name.

Now.

The reason you can't see my face and the reason I can't tell you what my actual day job is is because I have a side project that some people might find a little confronting.

Hello, Rick, how are you?

How are we?

Rick?

If that is your which it isn't your real name. So Ever, everyone Rick has walked in and I can't see Rick at all. I'm just faced with pixelated things. It's just it's like it's like I'm in my own segment on sixty minutes. I'm living my fantasy at the moment. It's like we've had to conceal your identity for the sake of you in this podcast, but we haven't used a voice transformer.

Is that all right?

That's completely fine?

Yeah, feel free to mix up your accents throughout this.

You know, I want British, I want I don't know where else you could be, from Russia, whatever, something like that, Maybe New Zealand.

I can't do New Zealand except for saying for shorten chops. That's great.

Now you're hiding something from me, Okay, there's a whole mystery. Not only do I not know what you look like, I don't know what your real name is, but I also don't know this big secret that you are concealing. Okay, So what I'm going to do is ask you three questions. Let's going and from the answer those three questions, I have to see if I can work out whatever it is.

That you have concealed.

Okay, So first question I have for you is what is your favorite film?

Look, I'm a bit of a cinema nerd. Right, I am very much a Melbourne I who loves art, but I am a big Tarantino fan.

Okay, what's your favorite Tarantino film?

Oh?

That's that's hard. Okay, Well I've asked you, so you're gonna have to answer, Okay.

Rick, Right, Okay, I'm gonna lock in.

That's like answer your question. It's like good question.

Yeah, what are you lucking at the gay reservoir dots?

Okay?

Which is actually about me because I am a bitch. Okay, speaking of bitches, what is your pet Peeve?

I really don't get along with people who drive the conversation, no offense, art who just take up the conversation. But this is your job, so that's absolutely fine.

Oh, Rick, I think we're gonna be fighting by me, We're gonna be having a domestic very So is that because you prefer to drive the conversation or do you like things just like even an equal between participants.

I like that, you know, back and forth flow of a conversation.

Big fan of them.

And take dogs bitches. Okay.

Third question I have for you, Rick, is what is something that you cannot leave without music?

Honestly? Music, I would lose my mind without music.

Okay, very interesting.

I'm putting my profile together for you, Melbourne Music Reservoir. Dog bitches, other people leading conversations, not the EBB and flow. We need to have flow. You know music has flow too, okay, genass has flow? What does taps?

Yes?

Water? Okay? All right, Okay, you're calling me a dirty plumber?

No, because I think I've worked out what you're hiding from us, because I can't see you right now. So what I think you are is I think that you're a dentist. I think that you know I can't I can't show my face because I'm a dentist and you're into water flowing all right, and you like to lead the conversation because when the dentist has has someone else in the chair, what happens.

Hands are in the mouth. It's all about you. You're talking, okay.

Right, and when someone else talks, see I'm doing it right now, they'll chump your fingers off if you're a dentist.

So it's truck. Are you a dentist?

Art Simon, I am not.

For the last two years, I've been making respectfully disrespectful sex positive audio corn for non sist. Men, I've over a twelve million listens, I have a beautiful and supportive online community, and everybody there knows me as as my daddy.

What is going on?

Oh my god?

Hello? How are you audio porn?

Now? Maybe maybe you could have gotten it if I'd put my my daddy voice.

Oh my goodness. So Rick is not a dentist. He's in fact an IMR poorn artist?

What a which?

Who?

Where? What?

How?

I would love to know.

I'm here with rig I can still not see his face, but I have now discovered that No, Rick is not a dentist, is in fact an artist. He is as Mr Daddy. I feel like I have to really like get to know you again, because it's not it's all lie. I was a bit scared of you, right because I hate dentists, all right, especially when they're like, we can't show you what they look like.

I'm like you, if you got a criminal for me, an a.

Dentist possibly maybe maybe a dentist that steals crowns and sells them on the internet.

I don't know. Okay, am I in safe hands? You?

You are in very safe okay, very very safe hands?

All right?

Then, how how did this begin because you said on your thing about audio porn.

Yes, okay, I had porn, and I went, oh what.

But then I was like, oh, wait, im up, because you know they say things are like audio porn, but what does it start with?

Are you saying dirty things? Is that what you're doing?

So it really started.

So this this began like two years ago at the start of Lockdown, right, yes, And I was on a zoom call with one of my friends and she was lamenting, you know, how bad mainstream porn was. This was like at the start when everyone was starting to get sexually frustrated.

This was the bit of like solo only fans content, but that's like everyone was like, I'm stuck at home, I'm going to wank in a mirror.

So you know, there was a saturation at the time.

There was a lot, right, But so she was lamenting like how bad mainstream porn was. And one of the things that really drove her nuts was the men were all quiet, right, Like the men in mainstream porn are all quiet because it's created by sissent men for sissient men, and so on.

None of the men him men. Right. So we've been partners in the past She knew that I had a talent for talking dirty, and so she was like, look, can you just send me.

A couple of audios just to get me through this drought?

This is killing me.

So I sent her a few things off like later that week, didn't really think twice about it.

So you said some things, yes, and she said they're quite nice actually.

So it was a couple of weeks later we're on his another zoom chat, just catching up and she was like, so, I have to tell you something and I'm like, okay. She's like, and I'm really sorry. I should have asked for your consent. And I'm like, what is going on?

Sorry?

What She's like, I dropped the audios in the group chat with the girls, and now we have requests.

And that's on this stage.

Look, there's a little part of me that was like, I wish you asked for permission. But then there's another party that was like.

Tell me more. Yes, this fill's kind of hot, tell me a little bit more.

So when they say they've got requests, so like that, what more like joe Ane, Yeah, you look good today? Is it like names or they're like fantasies?

It was very specific, kind of fantasies that they that they wanted. So I made a few more and then this friend was the one who really kind of like got the ball rolling was like, I think you should get this out there publicly. This is like a public service for for NONSI said, Man, get it out there.

Where would you first upload your first audio?

So the first one that I put up and I don't know if we can use brand names or anything, but it was to a porn hub.

Oh yes, yes, what but isn't that video? What could you do? Audio?

So it was basically a video with like pretty kind of looping images, just colors and just the audio.

And what did that? Did someone find to go? This is quite nice?

I remember like getting the first ones up and then like two weeks later it hit ten thousand views and I'm like, oh okay, and it just kind of kept going from there.

Okay, So when you say it kept coming from there, what what level are you at in terms of asma artists right now?

Like? Yeah, Like I mean, so what am I up to?

I think it's like eleven million kind of listens across like multiple platforms now, like it's a podcast. You can actually find it on Spotify I've got a Patreon and I've got like hundreds of community members who support the art through that, and it just kind of keeps going, like like became visual in the last like six months in terms of graphic for you, well just photos as

So I have Covid to think for.

It is one of the good things that we can thank covid for.

But because I've actually never I've heard of ASMR, right, but I've never heard of it within this. Yeah, it's it's almost like an audiobook or it's like a less personalized phone sex hotline. It's like, oh baby, but I guess that's more interactive. This is like one side. It's almost like a romance novels.

It's interesting you say that because I think I think one of the reasons that it became popular is because without the visuals, you do have to kind of engage with them, or you have to use your imagination. I think visual porn, I don't know, it's kind of force feeds you what's sexy, right, It's like shoves it down your throat and it's like this.

Is what's hot and other places too. It's so exciting, but it is okay.

But but with audio, like I guess, it leaves space for you to kind of like fill in the gaps of the fantasy yourself.

What do you call them? Episodes or pieces or how would you call what do you call it?

So I like a year ago I just started calling it art. I literally was like, because I despise the word content, and I think you get a lot of that in like the only fantasy.

Content creator I find that, really.

But you are art.

It's true.

I can't say art on top of art because it gets very confusing for everyone. Okay, So with a typical piece of yours, if I was to tune in, what should I expect? Is it you speaking to that person or you narrating a scene like Sandra has walked in and she has blonde.

Hair, or you're like, hey, baby, black your hair?

What's It's very much as though I'm talking to you.

So some are like instructionals where I'm like telling you to do that.

Some are scenarios.

So like one of my most popular is the student college university lecturer one being out at a restaurant and we go into the alleyway, So would.

You like to pop outside for a moment. I've got something you can enrapp. I wouldn't be very good at it, actually.

Not, kid, aren't keep going.

I'll get good at it one day. What is your most popular piece?

So the one that's been listened to the most is is literally it's just called Daddy's Masturbation Instructions.

It's a nice book, actually, And where could we find? Yeah?

Okay, and yeah, I think like a couple of the scenario ones are really popular, the one, the one in the restaurant, the one in the train, the one in the university lecturer's office.

They're very popular.

It's good. Actually, what do you see past? Daddy? You know? Where do you think this could lead you? You know what? I have no idea.

I've really just been trying to enjoy the journey because I don't know, Like there's a part of me that thinks if I start treating it like a like a job, job, like I'll lose that passion for it and and the beauty of it. So yeah, I'm not sure, but like, like I honestly I listen a lot to whoever's you know, the community that's listening to it, and just trying to

It's a big guy for pars.

And there's a part of me that goes, well, I don't want to take up space for you know, lgbt q A A.

You've come across any que AMR porn that's a.

Gap in the mark. Look there is because what did someone say? Gap? Hello?

What I ended up.

Doing is I started making non binary stuff because that works, like I can strip away gender, yes, and just play with terms that that.

Across the board. Okay, yes, And.

That's been received really really well, Like goodness, yeah you said that.

You know, traditional poor men don't really say much.

Have you ever considered dubbing a porn.

That's a genius that's actually a genius idea.

I fixed it for you and you can put it all in there and their heads aren't even in the frame most of the time.

Anyways, a full conversation.

Oh my god, you could be a voice actor for like a porn studio because you know, you know, the men there sometimes not much go on. There's one thing they're good at, all right, the other stuff not so much.

What is that one thing?

Oh, you know, inserting?

But yeah, maybe you could be like out of frame, you could be doing the voice of being like whatever you do.

I'm clearly out of the two things that I'm good at. I'm clearly good at the other thing.

But because look, you're you're very good at talking.

So why aren't do you feel you have a I could have a talent for dirty talk?

Or is this something you haven't explored?

Oh no, I'm not very good at it.

Because the thing is, I talk all the time, and I love to not have to talk.

Sometimes and I can just shut up for a little bit.

My mouth's usually busy doing other things, so there's no time for talking because you just be.

Like you It wouldn't be very nice, you know, busy mouth can't talk.

But you know, have you ever ventured out into other types of ASMR if you try? Because it's not more than just the audio pull. That's true because also, like regular AMR is kind of like porny for some people, they're like, oh yeah, she wing a pickle for me.

Muck bang is muck bang. People really get into.

It, like I put a brush through your hair.

Oh so Gord, it's true that potato in your mouth.

It's so crazy.

My favorite is yeah, the lady that types in the keyboard and needs to pickle at the same time, with long nails, and.

It's I always watch you betapairs.

Last night it was her with like an icy pole and she was like.

Call you send me a link for research. Look, I'll make you one of those. If that's your thing, I will make you one with you to pickle type on a keyboard.

She choose, and it's like, it's crazy.

Like I have I've made like calming audio was like, because I got a few requests for those like I've read Like the strangest one I did is I read Red Green Eggs and ham Close. I read I read like Carl Marx for like forty five minutes.

And for some.

Reason, a lot of the socialist Devians who follow me really like that.

I bet you who ordered that originally car marks.

Like my audio book. I want to see what this sounds like. This sounds a bit better. Actually, I'll take that. Oh my goodness. Have you met or run into any people that know you're working?

You're like, there has been a couple of incidents now where.

People are like sound familiar.

No, I have actually had that, Like I had somebody hit me up on the social media going, I think I heard you in Blank Suburbs the other day walking down the street and was that you?

And I was like, what time? And it was It was definitely.

They walked past me in the street and recognize me from my loud, booming voice.

Oh my god. It was like me.

I was calling my doctor the other day and there was a different person the reception and halfway through this phone call, they're like, you seeund really Familia And I was like, oh, yes, I hit it all the time, getting ready to be like yes, I'm a drag queen, and she goes, are you on TikTok? I was like, yes, but that's not where you'd know me from anyway. I'm a table stream my legs. So do you want to be anonymous or do you feel like you have to be anonymous because of your job.

I don't know.

There's a part of me that's like I don't want to be idolized. I like the anonymity because I don't want to feed my ego too much.

That's a rare thing to say, an ego, what is that? Oh sorry, if my head doesn't shot in the room anymore, that's me. Well are two different people.

I mean, look, if I was worrying that weik Yeah.

You got it.

The weak hides have big my head actually it makes it look like a normal size, because that's something I don't have personally anymore.

I used to have with drag. I used to have a nom during the day.

I could, you know, walk around and people would be like, oh, hello, I don't have that anymore, and a part of.

Me misses it.

But part of me also loves being stopped in the graveyisle to take a photo with an old lady.

I think it's fun.

It's so started this segments by grave Box Hello beautiful barrel. Yes, but yeah, there is there any other circumstances where you're like, I may be outed as the one and only.

Yeah, look there was There was one incident that definitely crossed a line. Somebody was able to kind of find my my actual in real life Instagram and it was bizarre because they did it by finding a tattooist.

They saw a tattoo that I had and they kind of tracked me down through that and tried to add me and I had to let them know, like, this is kind of crossing a line.

Yes, he's crossing a line. I'm just a human being.

You are infatuated with the art, with the product, but it is not me.

Okay, correct, chill axe, dude. I get it the same.

Like people come up to me and they'd be like, say my real name to me, Like that's cool, why.

Now get out of my present.

They'd be like, hello, nice to meet you, Jack, and I'm like cool, Well, like four hours in the mirror today looking like art for you?

So shut the fuck, rude bitch.

Yeah, how do you say? You have a work a lot on Instagram and everything. Instagram is notorious for censorship. How does that work for you?

Look, Instagram is It's terrible. It's like I've been banned twice. A bunch of sex workers and sex positive educators that I know and am friends with have been banned as well. They've really been cracking down in the past like three, three and four months.

Especially.

Look, I'm I'm privileged enough that I don't rely on this for my soulsals of income. But you know a lot of sex workers do.

Whether that's safe space is Twitter? Twitter?

Twitter?

Anything goes on Twitter. Job.

It's crazy you can, especially in the gay world. I can probably find every one of my friend's nudes on Twitter. They just put it all out there under their alts. But it's like, Babe, you've got tattoos. I know what your tattoos look like. I know that it's you raw dog and three dicks at the moment. But now I know why you canceled lunch. Okay, because you can't do that after lunch. Okay, so it makes sense, But just tell me. I hate to find out like this when

Was that good? Maybe not? Okay?

You know, I think I think we can work with that. I think we can work with like be really direct, be like, oh.

Yo, this is you.

Now listen, I'm talking to you. Yeah, go with the head virgine. Yeah, no, it's pretty good, is it? Yeah?

Things are getting hot and steamy here.

Look I I do drop my voice a.

Couple of octaves.

Ah and hello. Let's how about how about we do a repeat after me?

How about we go about half a Yeah, okay, you're ready?

Oh, hello there, big boy?

Oh and like Darth Vader, Oh, big.

Boy, that's quite a frank and phurt. You're a footy frank in your pocket? Or yeah? All right, well your industry is safe okay for now.

So even though Rick had to conceal his identity, it turns out it wasn't because he was a dentist.

Damn really thought I nailed that one.

No, instead, he is an audio as Mr porn Artist.

Turns out it's much harder than it sounds.

I found out some of us are better talkers and some of us, well, we're better at doing the deed.

You've been listening to an.

iHeart and Kiss production concealed with Artsimone. You can check out my really good ASMR in our socials, and you can listen for free on the iHeartRadio app