OBGYN Baaaaby

Dr. Conan? Hey Jessica, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Hi guys, thanks for having me. Hey Jessica, how are you? Oh, this is a dream come true. I'm having a great time. Okay, well you're masking it very well. just finished office hours. I was like I I took a per panel all too, some like beta blocker up, you know. I love my collars to be drugged up. That's that's the best way. Listen. I'm a doctor, I can get these prescriptions easily. Uh Jessica, where are you right now?

I am in New Jersey, like Jersey Shore Monmouth County. Okay. Very and uh you are it says here you're an O B G Y N, is that correct? That's right, that's right, baby. Is that how you always respond when people say are you an O BGYN? Yes. Bye, baby. They're in stirrups and I'm like, hey maybe it doesn't go over well every time but Wow. I'm a very specific type of doctor. Can tell. Type of patients.

Yeah, yeah. Um well this is there's so much to talk about here. Uh first of all, have we met before?'Cause someone said you came to a taping or two back in the day. I mean, yeah, when I was in high school, I lived in Jersey. We would pop into the city. So I went to a lot of your tapings. Oh wow, cool. And yeah, I mean obsessed. And then um my mom has like a ticket stub from one time we went to see you in 1999. Wow. Yeah. And we had met Fabio.

Oh My God. I should point out Fabio was an intern at the time for our show. Yes. And so we took this picture. It was before smartphones. So it was one of those throwaway cameras. And then after my mom took the picture with him, he grabbed my mom, dipped her backwards, kissed her on the mouth in front of my dad. And then like walked away. And then a month later he got hit in the face with the goose on the roller coaster. Do you remember his face exploded on a roller coaster?

That's such an incredible What an incredible sentence. Ha ha ha. Let's think about that sadness. Shah. He dipped my mom backwards, kissed her on the mouth in front of my dad, and a month later got hit on a roller coaster by a goose. What an amazing you know Incredible piece of writing that is. A series of images cascading into each other. At the lampoon you wish.

You wish. I know. Oh never. I never could have thought of anything like that in my glory days. Uh so uh okay, well there's a lot to as my wife would say, there's a lot to unpack there. So Fabio was kissing women. I I hope that's been discouraged on Fabio now. I would have carried a spray bottle around Fabio and sprayed him like a bad cat. You would you spray him with I can't believe it's not butter. Okay. Remember that was his that was his big campaign. That's right.

He was the shill for I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. You would have tongue five? Would have if she was like, let's go. We're gonna go full throttle. Sona would have bent him over backwards. It's gonna probably Yeah, yeah. Persona's twice as strong as as Fabio. Um wow, okay, so that's so nice. I'm glad you came to the shows and I hope you had a good time. Was your dad traumatized by seeing your mom um attacked by Fabio?

My dad's from Brooklyn, so he wasn't having it. And I think my dad has some sort of superpowers where he put some sort of head on Fabio and that that's why he got hit by a goose in the face like a month later. Have you have th this is a pretty famous piece of tape. I guess he was on a roller coaster and and he and his nose is bleeding and everything. And yeah and Yeah, there he is, bleeding. There he is. And it was apparently a that was it was apparently a Brooklyn goose. Ha ha ha. Uh-huh.

The goose was paid by your dad. And uh Pristine his face was here. Pristine. Yeah, pristine. Never again. Never again. He uh so um

I want to talk to you about your profession. Um you are first of all, it's an incredible, uh incredible job to have. You're around uh so many uh births. and you're bringing new life into the world. Tell us about that. Does it Do you get jaded or do you still see the miracle every time?

I think the day I'm like, oh, this is not amazing is the day I should just hang it up. Every time I do an ultrasound and I see a heartbeat for the first time for a patient, I'm amazed. Every time a baby takes its first breath and cries, I'm like, this is So amazing. Um, shout out to Gourley, who I know is on his paternity. He's on paternity leave, yeah. To him.

Uh he's on paternity leave. He's got uh two children now uh and um we're all excited for him and Sona of course uh has experienced this miracle herself with twins. Um but you got over it real fast. was just like, let's get on with it. Let's do this. Get him out. Let's go. You gotta hit the club. Sous-titrage ST' 501

Well, I only have one daughter. I was one and done. And I feel like it's because I do so much with my patients. I really live through their pregnancies with them and it's it's a beautiful thing. I wish it happened during normal business hours. Um, I think it's kind of a bummer that they like to come in the middle of the night, the baby. Yeah. Uh you've been accused of trying to induce between nine and five. Babies are born on any kind of bank holiday, they're not born. Yeah.

Everyone's like oh, you have to go play golf or something. I'm like, I don't play golf. Like what year is this? Yeah. But yeah, so I wish it happened during normal business hours. It doesn't, but I picked this when I was in my twenties. Now I'm in my forties. I'm feeling a little old, a little schleppy, but It's okay. I still love it. Uh, so I'm curious. There's so many things to what are the things that you do immediately after the birth? What are the uh

What hap the baby's born. Um and I have been through this twice with my kids. Uh I was there very present, very present for both uh Yeah. You saw things? I saw I saw so many things. And then it's so funny how you can kind of forget. I don't know what y you can you can kinda almost black out uh afterwards. And so I'm trying to remember what happens. I mean yes, there's the cutting of the umbilical cord. The dads black out a lot. They literally pass out. I didn't pass I didn't pass out.

Thank you. Thank you so much for that. Cause the dads are always falling down and we're always like, we don't have time for you right now. Just like pick your right? Yeah. Yeah, smelling salts like come on. Uh but the cutting of the cord, yes, the dads like to do that. I'm not sure how that became a thing, but if that makes them feel included, I'm all for it. That's so funny.

Because I didn't ask to cut the cord, but the doctor said, Now you cut the cord and handed me the scissors and I thought, Well, am I getting paid here? You know what I mean? Oh my god. I'm serious, when I have a plumber over and he hands me the wrench, I'm like, Okay, I wanna Yeah. Am I getting a third Heard it. So that was my We should have been compensated. I was I worry about unions. I don't want it to be a union violation. Right. Okay. So that was my

I always tell the dads it's thicker than you think. It's like cutting chicken because they kinda like take like little bites out of it, but you gotta really go for the gusto. It's thicker than you think.

Yeah. Um, but the baby goes right on mommy's abdomen. We do delayed cord clamping, get some blood flow back into baby. We wanna do that skin to skin for that first hour. A lot of bonding. Our hospital's really about mom and baby bonding and Uh but yeah, we get them to stimulate and cry and give us that good. Really? How do you get them to cry? Do you just tell them sad stuff? What do you Ha ha ha. Yes, actually. I told them no. Um A shocking number of Americans can't read. Ha ha ha ha.

I hold them up and spank them on the butt, but we don't do that anymore. Forty percent of government buildings have asbestos. Wow. It's why you just sometimes flick its little foot, like underneath its foot, you go like this. Yeah. And it mak it pisses them off. Sure. Pisses me off just hearing about it. I know. Yeah.

It's all about pissing the babies off, getting them that good cry. But I we have such a great team at our hospital. Our nurses are so great bedside. So I'm very lucky and I do really love my job. Colonel O'Brien Needs a Friend has partnered with Airbnb. This is the time of year when people declutter, rearrange, deep clean, and rethink how they're using their space. I know I'm doing this too. Me too.

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What kinds of things could you teach me? You're very hyper-aware of the female body, and there are probably things uh believe it or not, that even I wouldn't be aware of. You know what I mean? I don't know. This is a good chance uh for me to know uh some things if you can impart to me any wisdom. I think knowing anatomy is really important. Eerogenous zones. One of those.

Things that could right. Well, Matt, we gotta really start from the beginning. Yeah. Um, just I think a big thing that sometimes men don't know is that women have more than two holes. They have three holes. So that's always inter Wait, what are we talking about here? What are you talking about? Wait, what? Exactly. No, be more specific'cause I honestly suddenly it's a bowling ball. What do we Yes, we urinate through Huh? कर दो Urinate, yeah. PPs, yeah.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Keep his focus. Yes, of course. Right. And then baby come out of the vagina. Yeah. So that's three. He's scared of the word vagina. But it's the URE. I wanna really Anus, right, Sona. We're gonna use our doctor words, I guess. I said poop pee pee and poo poo, so Tell me about your medical school. Right? How did that even happen? So I'm sure you went to Poo Poo Poo Poo You. So, um, okay, so the erogenous zones, you could help any man know about the erogenous zones.

Yeah, where the clitoris is. I feel like that's Yeah. Listen, there's a book you see. As far as I'm concerned, that's Sasquatch. You hear a lot of talk. Yeah Five minutes! Here's a blurry. Of a clitoris. Yeah, I've seen that photo. Um If you're gonna be talking bullshit on this thing. Ha ha ha. I am a clitoris denier. Uh yeah. We have enough misinformation online. We can't We have flat earthers. Now we have clitoris deniers.

He's got a blurry photo from nineteen thirty-eight of a clitoris running between two trees. See it right there! ไม่รู้ This was taken by a Scottish hiker. Uh wow. Okay. Well um yeah. Glitter is to nice. Uh huh. Wow. I could teach you how to do a circumcision. Oh okay. Hey, how do you do those? I'm curious. I mean, how do you know how does one what's the tool that's used for circumcision?

I've been to So there's I I have been to many Brisses uh and um I've many, many Jewish friends and I've been to Brisses but you can't really see what's going on and I've tried to fight for good look and they say that's inappropriate. I've been shoved by rabbis. When a guy is saying, Hey, I wanna see that kid's dick. People get freaked out. You know? Hey, let me in there. Oh my god. I gotta see that kid's dick. People get freaked out.

So um and I know that now, I can see why that's an issue. But what is the tool that's used? So different people use different tools. I like to use something called a mogen. So it looks like a cigar cutter and you just pull up the foreskin and you go across. And then you clamp it down and then you lop it off of the scalp. And does the kid cry a lot after that?

So no, we actually do uh dorsal nerve blocks, so injecting lidocaine, they get a sugar pacifier, we play music, it's like a spa experience. Not traumatic for the kid. I mean it might be. They can't tell me, but we try not to make it. Hey, how convenient for you? Ha ha ha ha. Honestly, they're the best patients. Yeah. The um that's interesting. So you do the old chop on the uh on the foreskin. Then we have the column REP. Yes, you love that. That's your joke.

That's my favorite joke to do at Brisses is to say, Hey man, that calamari was really good.'Cause they always have a meal afterwards. They always serve food at a briss. And I always say, I love the calamari and then the person goes, We don't have calamari and I go Now that joke works because he ate the foreskin thinking it was Palamar. Okay. I got it. Okay. Um glad you love that show. Favorite thing to do though. I don't love to do circumcisions, you know being

If anyone said that's my favorite thing to do, that's the red flag right there. You know what I mean? I try to Avoid penises. Be doing what I do. And then they're like, Oh, you have to do surgery on the smallest penis possible. You know, so that's a little I don't remember booking an appointment with you. Home run. Home run. Well for you. Just a deep well. We are so happy. Ha ha ha ha.

Let's do the chart on this conversation. I'm the guy with the smallest penis in the world who insists on checking out a kid's dick at a brisk. And doesn't believe there's a clitoris. Right. That's gonna go on your tombstone. Yeah. Yay! This is I lay out comedically, no one lays out more awful information about themselves than I do. Yeah.

I don't know why that delights me. Um But you know, I will say on the serious side, that is What an incredible job to have. Because I do think in the modern world we get removed from we get removed from li birth and death. We've anesthetized ourselves to it. And so it's amazing to just to be around. so much uh new life would be, I think, very uh affirming, right? Be pretty amazing.

just keeps going. You know, during COVID we were delivering babies nonstop. That does not stop. So even though we felt like the world was ending, you saw that it doesn't. It just keeps going. Life is just gonna keep rolling along.

And it really grounded me and helped me to see that there's so many beautiful things happening every day, even though it felt like the world was ending. You guys were a huge part of what got us through COVID too. Just listening to your podcast was so important, kept us laughing, kept us going.

Um, and now that we're through that, I definitely have a deeper relationship and understanding with my patients. And um I I love what I do. I love I really do love my patients. I get to practice where I grew up. So I feel connected to my community and I'm very lucky. That's cool. I think it's great. I love that you were this uh teenager coming by, checking out our goofy tapings, and now I'm talking to you all these years later, and um you're pr just

V you're a very impressive person, Jessica. Really. Seriously. And uh very thanks. Very cool to talk to you. And I love talking to people that have these jobs that are just so impressive. Yeah. I wanna as a woman, the relationship we have with our O Bs is such an important relationship. To be able to say whatever we need to say about our bodies. It's awesome. I mean, I love my O B to you know. It's uh it's it's awesome. I'm not crying. My wife is doing something wrong.

You're saying you don't have that relationship with me. You don't feel like you could tell me anything about your body. Absolutely. Do you want to hear about perimenopause? Do not. I don't want to hear about any of it. This is the problem. You don't want to hear about like vag the word vagina scary. Where's you? I don't want to I we're not doing this right now. To quote my father, we're not talking about that right now. Not right now.

He would say that about any time anything came up that he didn't want to deal with him, like, we're not talking about that right now. Oh, I guess we're not. Yeah. Well Jessica, really lovely talking to you. You guys are all I hope we cross paths uh in person. That'd be really cool. And then we can hear more about this fabled clitoris. I can draw you a picture. Yeah. Might as well draw a unicorn as far as I'm concerned. Thank you for your time. Idiot. Thank you, Jessica. Bye. Have a dream one.

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