Andy Samberg

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Hi, my name is Andy Samberg and I feel aces about being on Conan O'Brien's friend. Oh, my God. I messed it up. You total slacker. It's your whole generation. Yeah. Look at you with your skateboarding when you were a kid. Berkeley, California. Yeah, lay into me. Right? Dig me out. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I am joined by Sona Lovesessian, Matt Gourley, my whack pack. as it were. We should do the traffic in the morning and do a lot of sound effects. We've done that a couple of times. Sorry. Oh, no. We can do it again. No. I just hate when I'm reminded that it's too much. Yeah. We've had too much life. That's a terrible thing to say. That's wrong. I take that back. I want much more. No, you said it. You said it.

Damn it. I noted it down. Let's call it. I'm picturing Zeus on a cloud saying, you said it. I throw a thunderbolt at you now. I think the whack pack is revisitable, though. Yeah. That's quite a word, revisitable. We just hit a landmark, which is yesterday, Sona had a birthday party for her two children. Yeah. They're twins. And Mikey and Charlie. And this is always a moment for me because they were born immediately after our last late night show ever on TBS. We did it at the old...

The theater, the... The Largo. The Largo Theater. And I remember saying farewell on the last late night show, leaving. There was a little rap party, but... It was this 28-year run and then leaving and I flew back east and when I'm, I think I landed and I think the next day or something you called me. Yeah. and said that I used to call them rub and tug when they were in utero. And you said rub and tug have arrived. Yeah. And that is now...

Four years. It's been four years. That's unbelievable. Yeah. And we, you know, we have a lot of family. We have a lot of people in our lives and we have a birthday party for them every year. And they.

The first thing Tack did is he found my husband. Your husband, Tack, yes. He found a clown and he has hired that clown. Every single year we've had a birthday. His name is Gilly the Clown and he's awesome. Okay, what makes a good party clown? Seriously. First of all, to get the attention of all these kids and then to hold the attention is hard. How many kids would you say? Oh, yesterday we invited their class to I would say they were like.

30, 35 kids. And what is it that Gilly does that's so great? And by the way, shout out to Gilly the Clown. Yeah. Where does he, what area does he cover? He's a Los Angeles clown. I think his company is called the Los Angeles Clown Company. And I. Don't. Formerly William Morris Endeavor. Sorry, guys. I had to do it. Oh, my God. I think. Sorry. Oh, that made me happy. I think Tack is like kind of living vicariously through the boys because I don't think they had clowns in the Soviet Union.

Well, they did. They were just on the Politburo. Listen, that's a very funny joke. Is it? If it were 1986, that would kill. you know, around a bottle of vodka in Minsk. Yeah. So... Tell me, tell me about what Gilly does that's so great. So he comes, he does a whole thing that's actually funny for parents and funny for the kids. He does a whole magic thing. And then at the end, he made swords for all the kids.

with balloons. And then they went into the bounce house and just started fighting each other with these balloon swords. Right. And it's, he comes and every year it's always something a little different. And I think we're going to just have Gilly until like the boys are 18. I'm thinking about Tack when he was a kid in the Soviet Union having to wait in a really long line and his birthday just to get one second with a clown. And it was a cut rate clown. The clown was just.

had a cardboard belt, some Soviet-issued cardboard shoes. And the Klan would just bend a balloon. that he had to keep remending and reinflating and it would pop. Former World War II sniper. Yeah, exactly. He's bitter now. He's like, I defended Stalingrad. I'm here with these fucking kids. Frostbitten toes. They're black. Hey, Ivan, just you're here for the kids. Next kid. You didn't even do anything that we waited for.

for six hours in. Next, kids! Oh, shit. Is that what it was like? Maybe. He takes a picture with Gilly every year. He loves Gilly. I want to see a picture of Gilly. It's the first. I'll show you. Yeah. And then we're going to post this. Gilly the clown. He's from what is it? The Los Angeles Clown Emporium. Oh, wow. Look at that. Oh, yeah. That's legit. I was expecting something a little more DIY or something. Yeah. No, he's a clown.

Okay, we can see that. Yeah. This guy, Denver, has to say, hey, by the way, I'm a clown. Look at him. Just real quick, go to the YouTube channel or at Team Coco Podcasts on Instagram to see this. Yeah, and check out Gilly the Clown. And it looks like he's throwing a club at the viewer. Doesn't he? He is. He can do it all. He can juggle. He does magic.

He does, like, it's very funny. He does balloon animals. Does he do political stuff? What? Like, what? I don't know. Does he have other clowns under him? I think he does. Like, sometimes you get, like, a... a second-rate Gilly or something? I don't know. We've only got the Gilly. If I hired Gilly and I didn't get Gilly, I'd be pissed. Yeah. You gotta ask for Gilly. I agree.

I agree. No, he's the best. He does custom characters. Yeah. Gilly will create a special character just for your party. Let's hire Gilly and see if he'll do some political stuff. Yeah, Nixon. Yeah. Yes, political stuff from the 70s. Oh, you'll never get those tapes. Cuts of kids crying. We want the Soviet clown who defended Stalingrad. Even he's better than this piece of shit. Not Ivan. We'll have them both. It's detente. Do something about Spiro Agnew resigning. Why did you visit China?

Make it stop. Oh, man. No, but we love Gilly and we're probably going to just seriously, we're going to have him for as long as we. I think we're getting Gilly the clown in here. I'm in.

I think he'd be great. I would love to get now. First of all, so your kids had a good time. They had a really great time. They had a lot of fun. We was good. Did they get any good presents? We haven't opened them. Yeah, we're using them as... What's your problem? We're using them as, like, you gotta be good or else we're not gonna open your presents. I'm sorry, I have never heard of that shit before. It's also six days past their birthday. Well, they got the...

our birthday presents yesterday. And then they came home and they were all jacked up on like sugar and stuff. We were like, you got to calm down. We're going to open your presents tomorrow. OK, so wait a minute. Wait a minute. On your birthday. The thing that makes it special is you get all these presents and you open them up. You don't have to learn lessons. That's the fun of it. You don't say, okay, these are your presents now. They're going into storage. They're going into a storage facility.

And you're off to boarding school. Yeah, we use anything we can to use as like a like a carrot for the boys. Like, be good. Don't fight. Don't wrestle. If you want nutrition and food, you better be good. If you want to get a full night's sleep, you better be good. It's hard. We're just saying, like last night we came home and we're like, you guys have to sleep and behave or else you don't get to open presents tomorrow. And we...

We mean it. And it works? Yeah. No. It doesn't work. It doesn't even work a little bit. Whoa. Yeah, no, it doesn't work at all. It doesn't work at all. You don't get that antibiotic until you're good. And fever at 106. Better be good. Or no, acillamycin for you. Jesus, I don't like this. Again, this is Stach's Soviet upbringing. All joy must be withheld. Yeah. In order for you to be good, fall into line. Big Brother is watching. Right? I don't know.

I don't know. Okay. I don't know. Sometimes it works, but it didn't work yesterday. Of course it doesn't work. No. It doesn't work. Happy birthday to the boys. Hey, happy birthday to the boys. That's the important thing. And Gilly the Clown, wherever you are.

You're apparently very good at what you do. Yeah, he is. And I hope to meet him because he and I have something in common. We're both entertainers. And I was a clown at a birthday party once with my good friend who has since passed away. a guy that I did a lot of improv with back in the olden times, Mike Castagnola. Someone saw us perform together at a Groundlings show.

and said, we want to hire you. And they hired us to play a birthday party. Maybe you could team up with Gillian. Oh, let me tell you what happened. What? We didn't know what it was. They said, we want to hire you. And we said, we're in. And then it turned out it was in the park. Like in Santa Monica, and it was a kid's birthday, and these were little kids. And we showed up, and we bombed. We brought our guitars. What were you dressed like?

I don't remember us even, we weren't dressed as clowns. Big mistake. Yeah, I know. That's the first mistake. But we, I don't think we appreciated, oh, these are little kids. I think we thought, oh, we can improvise our way out of anything. No, these were little kids. We didn't know what we were doing. doing, Mike Castagnol and I bombed. And if he were still with us on this earth, Mike would, would share the story of how we got nothing and we walked away gutted.

We walked away gutted, and I... This is your origin story. This is my origin story. Years later, you did a late-night show with an all-child children audience. Do you think that was to make up for this clown party? Possibly. It was another massive... Psychistic need to return to my old feral pain. But no. So I know how hard Gilly's job is. And so I'd like to meet the man. Yeah, he's awesome. He did not bomb.

Crushed it. Okay, well now you're just rubbing it in. Yeah, he crushed it. Little kids, bigger kids. Good for Gilly. Crushed it. I bet he'd be even better at podcasting. Yeah. What if Gilly then gets a podcast and destroy eats our lunch and then he's on Sirius and his channel is the next channel over and destroys us. Just has a podcast called Gilly doesn't need a friend because I have a.

ton of friends. Gilly is over to my Donahue. Just totally, no one's heard of me again afterwards. Just disappear.

All right, my guest today was a cast member on Saturday Night Live and starred in the hit series Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Now you can see him in the new movie The Roses and in the Comedy Central animated series Dig Man. Very excited he's here today. Andy Samberg, welcome. You're a laid-back dude. That's what I love about you. By the way, sorry I didn't shave, fellas. I'm preparing for a role. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Lazy guy. Lazy guy. And then after that, I'm doing beard, dude. So I walk in.

to the dressing room. We'll call it the dressing room. It's not really a dressing room. I think that's a fair session. It's just an office. But anyway, I walk in and you greet me and you're wearing like a nice shirt, a button up shirt. Yeah. But down below. You've got the sloppiest sweatpants I've seen in a long time. Wow. And you were like, I'm sorry. This is the harshest I've ever been to anybody. But and I said, hey, man, come on. You got to dress up.

I think you called him the Kohnmeister. Yeah. And I said, you got to, you know, put a little effort in him. He said, hey, they don't shoot from the waist down. I did say it in that exact voice. Yeah. You went, hey. Hey, man. Hey, man. And then you said, when's 420? I said, yeah. But you're obsessive compulsive about it. You're like, let me know when it's 419. Yeah, because I've got to have my token ready. Yeah.

And then when I toke, I got to have Easy Rider playing. I love an obsessive compulsive 420 guy. But I got to have everything. All my stuff has to be lined up. All my shit has to be lined up. and the right song has to be playing. Set the alarm for $4.18. Oh, my God. I used to do a bit about Arasta, who's like, you know...

Smoke the marijuana. Smoke the... None for me, though. My wife's pregnant. She could go into labor at any moment. But everyone else, don't be gage! But obviously, I must refrain tonight. She could go into labor at any moment.

Gotta be responsible. I gotta be totally focused if that happens. I gotta be with her. We're on this journey together. I was thinking about this today. This is totally random, which means I'm as comfortable as with this chap. as I am with anyone, this incredible Andy Samberg. I was thinking about this this morning on a run. Yeah, you got to get this, got to work out to get this bod. I exercised this morning also, so. Well, not like me. Anywho.

I hired nine guys to attack me with hammers. That's what I did. Yeah, throughout the day. And my doctor has said this is not contributing at all to your physical care. That's funny, I hired nine guys to attack you with hammers too. That's funny, today 18 guys attacked me with hammers. Mine were for a different reason. Oh, okay.

But guys, that's just hard math. Yeah, yeah. I was running and it started to occur to me that the Roxy music song, Let's Stick Together, is the craziest rock song ever because... It's one of the coolest, sexiest Brian Ferry vocalists of all time. Wow, that was quick. What the hell? That was sad. What the fuck did you just do?

Let's call out Eduardo. Eduardo, what's going on? Maybe someone else's 420 started. I was getting ready to cue up the song just in case somebody here hasn't heard it before.

And I accidentally pressed play on the last song that I had going on. And it was Harry Belafonte. No, it was iQuebec. It was some jazz. Oh, shit. Oh, nice. I like it when I come in here and you've got a little jazz club going. Always puts me in a bad mood right away. Apologies. Didn't mean to interrupt your story. But I'm running and I'm... I liked it. It's rock and roll. And it reminded me of a bit I used to do for Odenkirk, which is, it's a rock and roll song that is all.

about being responsible. Yes. And it cracks me up because it's, the song is all by, you know, we've been, we should stick together. It would be good for the children. You know, for tax reasons, it makes sense. to expect too much excitement. This part of our life is overreaching. Let's stick together. And it's crazy to me. And it reminded me of this thing I used to do for Odenkirk, which was sort of a Robert Plant singer.

And he's singing about, get eight hours of sleep. Don't cheat yourself with six. Get your protein in many forms. And all the songs have like sick. you know, leads and stuff like that. And it sounds very crunchy, but it's incredibly responsible. And I realized, oh, it's Brian Ferry did that with Let's Stick Together. Hit it. You prick!

Yeah. So you got this great thing going. Yeah. And then he's like, in the long run, it makes sense. I've talked to my accountant. You know what I mean? Yeah. Anyway. Tax breaks and whatnot. Yeah. Let's talk about you and then more about stuff I thought about on my run today. Okay. You run through the neighborhood? Do you go to a place? No, I run through my neighborhood.

Often screaming. I was going to say. I immediately imagine it like the beginning of the movie about your life where everyone's like, how you doing, Conan? Hey, Conan! Hi, pal! I do this when I see people when I'm driving around L.A. and I see people jogging. I always pretend they're fleeing. It makes it much really fun. I do. I always imagine. What are they running from? Yeah, I just imagine them running really hard and they've been running really hard for hours.

or like a monster. Yeah. Well, I don't want to talk about you because Andy Samberg. Oh, yeah. I've been thinking about you today. Is that on your run? No. I think about important stuff on the run. Oh, sorry.

I was thinking about you because I think you are this comedic linchpin between one era and another in comedy that's crucial. I think... you were doing youtube internet comedy before such a thing really existed sure and i think you and your uh lonely island chums had, and I'm going to call it your chums. We're unequivocally chums. No one's ever said chums with unequivocally. But you guys were working on this thing and perfecting it.

And before there was the delivery system. Right. And then the delivery system. So comes along. You said you, I think you formed Lonely Island in 2001. Yeah. 2000, 2001. We moved to LA from Berkeley where we grew up together. Okay. All grown up in Berkeley, laid back dude. Oh, yeah. You were a skateboarder. yeah i was terrible though they were both pretty good skaters though you were a 90s kid who was obsessed with 70s music yes which is really interesting to me because i was a you know 80s

guy who was obsessed with 60s music. Yes. I went back 20 years, so I was not listening to whenever people say, oh my God, so you graduate high school in the early 80s. And you head off to college, you must be listening to, and they come up with all these amazing early REM and all that. And I'm like, no, I wasn't listening to that. I was listening to all British invasion stuff. Yes. And then I drifted before that and I went into.

uh sun session elvis and all that and but you were out of time a little bit i mean I think for kids that are into music, you go back, right? I mean, you know what's going on at present, but now kids are listening to the 90s. It's all 90s. I've had a couple of depressing moments with this recently. I have Apple Music, and there's a section in it called...

Dad rock? Uh-oh. Yeah. And it's like bands where I'm like, they just came out. I know those guys. And then I'm like, oh, right. I'm in my 40s and a dad. But it hurts. No, they're the fucking coolest. You got to check them out. Oh, man. What? Dad Rock? No, this dad. There's a lot of things in our world right now that save you time, technologies that save you time. Yeah. It could be as simple as an electric toothbrush or any of the...

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You, Yorma, Akiva, you guys know each other from Berkeley. Yeah. And you put together this thing. I'm going to say 2001. You say 2000, 2001. No, fuck you. 2001. You guys put this. start working on this comedy and it's fascinating to me because i don't know when youtube came along officially um but it's a huge event

because I remembered immediately the day someone came into my office, I think it was Frank Smiley, who's a producer. He came into my office and I'm sure he produced all your segments on when you came on the show over the years. But he came in and he said, it's insane.

Whatever you want, just type it into this site. Yeah, yeah. And so you would, you'd say, I don't know. I remember seeing a thing on Green Acres once where suddenly he's in Paris. It's like this, he's upside down and he's in Paris for no reason. And there it is. And it broke my brain. Yeah. But you were crafting this comedy that I believe kind of changed many things.

I'm not a scholar, so I can't say you alone did this. But you guys had a huge impact because Lazy Sunday, Dick in a Box, I'm on a Boat. The stuff that you guys were... churning out, I think was the essential DNA of what everybody's been chasing. Does that feel to you fair? I mean, it feels great to hear. Yeah. I've always thought of it this way, which is... I heard of YouTube the morning after Lazy Sunday aired. I didn't know that it even existed yet. And then there was this big wave of press.

Also, it was the Christmas show. So it like took it into the holidays. Which is great because it marinates. Yes. And everyone's like, we're all at home watching your video over the holidays over and over again. And there's no like new S&L episode to wipe it clean or whatever. Right, right, right.

But it became this wave of press, not about us, but about the existence of YouTube and about streaming video and how it was here. It's been this thing everyone had been talking about. Like before, when we lived in LA, we were making videos. We were just like trying to get...

people that had bandwidth and websites to upload our stuff right be like oh man we might get like posted on heavy.com or you know like stuff like that and you like have to submit it you sound like a vhs tape in and they're like maybe we'll upload it And then all of a sudden it was like, here's YouTube. Anyone can do it immediately. It's easy. It's free. And here's the video that's like the crest of the wave. Well, I think the first time I heard it's gone viral.

Yeah. Was Lazy Sunday. Yeah. Me. I mean, I'm sure other people had heard the term, but people were telling me this thing's a monster and I watched it and I was like, what? I don't get it. No. And I was like, I'm going to have him on what's called a podcast. I'm going to tell him I don't get it. Fair enough. Yeah. I could always see the future very well. Couldn't see the present.

I couldn't see that that was really funny. I say that to myself all the time when I watch new things. I'm like, I don't like this, but eventually I will. In time, I'll love it. Those videos were events and made so many of them. And that felt to me as a person at that time, I was doing my own show, but had written for SNL.

and i remember what when i was at snl always thinking short films are the way to go and snl had always done them a little bit but i was always a little frustrated by live in some ways and i thought why don't we just get it I mean, because all my heroes were, it's Monty Python. It's all this amazing sketch comedy that has been, it's SCTV where they've got it just right. And there was part of me that really wanted to do that. And yes, there had been short films on SNL, but.

When you guys started putting those out, it felt... Like you were doing the thing that I had been kind of daydreaming about in some weird way. Yeah. Why doesn't someone do that? Yeah. Oh, well, I'll go back to bed. I mean, it was also it was also because digital video.

At that moment, I just think about how lucky we were on so many fronts. Like it was right when YouTube was becoming a thing that people are talking about. It was right when digital video could be made affordably and look good. It also like.

looks different from the live show. So it was a nice way to step out and be like, hey, this is our thing that looks different and feels different. The same way like the very first episode had an Albert Brooks film or something where you're like, whoa, what was that? That was on film. Like in the beginning, we just...

Shoemaker and Higgins, who, you know, Higgins is still a producer there and now Shoemaker runs Seth's show. They knew we had made videos. Keevan Yorman made a video while we were working there just for fun. And they were like, if you guys could do more of these for... basically nothing which is what we had been doing uh and use the cast like we're always looking for things to change over sets basically yeah uh so it kind of happened very fortuitously and kind of under the radar and we did

we did one with forte called lettuce where we're eating heads of lettuce and then we tried another one that didn't air till later and then the third one we shot for snl was lazy sunday and then it was like oh that went better than we were expecting yeah yeah It's the Oppenheimer white flash, you know, kind of. But I mean, I think that specific kind of comedy, to me anyway, starts with you guys. Well, certainly on SNL, I think the pace.

that we kept in our editing and stuff you can see that now influencing the the stuff being done which makes me so happy because i'm very antsy about my comedy i want it to just be like But we're all children of Monty Python. That's what you're saying. And Mel Brooks. When I was a kid, Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

Those things turned into Spongebob and they turned into us and they turned into, you know, Mr. Show and Stella and all the things that influenced us of like, what if it was real life, but really it's just a cartoon. And anything can happen and the world is spongy. And that's what, when I was a kid, made my brain go crazy. Like Billy Madison, Tommy Boy, things like that, where you're just like, I can't feel happier about watching something because it just allows me to disappear into it. Right.

and there's a i mean music also an important part yeah i mean huge music guy and so yeah obviously dick in the box yes uh there's a there's a strong musical component to this stuff yes and we also again got really lucky where it was like timberlake like hottest

thing in the game being like, I want to do one with you guys. And us being like, use all of your powers, Justin. And him literally being like, all right, here's how we're going to do it. I'm going to stack all my vocals. These are all harmonies. These are split to the left. These are split to the right. And we were just like.

Like, oh my God, this is like how he's making the biggest songs in the world right now. And he's applying it to our song we're writing about sticking your dick in a box at Christmas. You know what I mean? It's like you're in a room with Mozart. And he's like... you gentlemen have. Yeah, yeah. All right, you ever see the movie Diner? He's like, I love it. Oh, so we'll do this. Dick in the box. Yes, yes. And I'm also here. When you're in college.

You did standup, I think for seven years, which I didn't know. And I'm trying to imagine you doing standup because I was in- I never thought about doing standup. I always thought, no, that's not me. I was wondering if you did, because I think you would destroy. Well, I later on went and did it in different ways. And of course, you build that muscle.

doing a late night show every night where you're standing in front of an audience. And yeah, the thing that got me into it was I wanted to do very silly things in a late night show. And I wanted to create an insane world. that was... Sort of in the spirit of what Dave had done, but very different, which was cartoons. Very cartoony, like you were saying. And I've always thought of myself as I'm a cartoon character. The hair, the name. I like to be thrown around like a cartoon character.

I like to throw people around like they're cartoon characters. You can attest to that. Yeah, no, it's very true. Okay, that's enough out of you. Okay, happy to be here. You signed a waiver. So many NDAs? Like terms and conditions. Yeah, whatever. You own a timeshare. Oh, yay.

It's not a good one, and you're way behind in pain. Shit. Yeah, there's a lot of bad news here. It's like a timeshare in Baltimore. It's in Baltimore. Yeah, but it's built in kind of- Hey, no shade, no shade. We love Baltimore. Shout out to Baltimore! Hey Baltimore!

And you have to say they're 50 weeks out of the year. I'm so behind. But it's also built as a Mediterranean bungalow. Wow. So it's very cold in the winter. I have to go. But it's in the middle of the road. It was nice to know you. Trunks come through all the time. Open the door again.

So you find your people first, which you did. I think I did. I found my people and then like a Robin Hood. I was like, okay, I got my gang together. Now we're gonna head off on this adventure. Then you find your- you know, I'm going to go on my trip now with my gang and we're going to try and accomplish this goal. Yeah. Go through Sherwood Forest and do something. And, but you got to get the people first. And that was crucial. And I think that kind of has to happen in your early twenties.

A lot of times, if you're lucky. If you're lucky, yeah. I mean, and before you have kids, because it gets way more complicated, obviously. For kids that you're willing to acknowledge legally. Yeah. Well, I had all kinds of kids in the 80s. And like, what are they up to now? David is one of them. I'm right here. Oh, shit. Yeah. That's hella awkward. She contacted me and said, you do something with him. You hire him. Yeah.

So he's been here and we fired Sona and put him on mic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then after this, after I leave, you're going to like hug him like too tight and be like, I fucking love you so much. Have you been drinking? No! Maybe I've mentioned this, but it's one of my favorite things for the wrong reasons, but the Green Lantern movie that Ryan Reynolds made. Yeah? There's a moment where...

The scientist who ends up being the bad guy in that Green Lantern movie. Spoiler. Thank you. He has the ability to read minds. And his father's a tough general. And the father comes over to him at one point. And he's... Praises Ryan Reynolds, you're a great guy. And then you can hear his voice thinking like, yeah, he's really great. And then whatever. And he says goodbye to him. And then he turns to his son.

And the son says, Father, well, I've been working on these experiments. And he gives him a hug or shakes his hand and goes, good job, son. And then you hear him think, what a disappointment. It's literally like the Joe Montana sketch. Yeah, but it was for real. It's not supposed to be a laugh line. I laughed. I laughed. I saw it in the theater.

I think someone was coming on from the late night show and I saw it in the theater and the general hugs. Son played by a famous actor. Anyway. Brad Pitt. No! Ryan Reynolds. Clark Gable. The little tramp himself, Charlie Chaplin. Well, I was gonna say no, but because you said the little tramp himself, Charlie Chaplin, it was Charlie Chaplin. Anyway.

The idea that I would hug my son and go, good to see you, son. What a disappointment. So I told my son this and I do it with him all the time. I hug him and I go, I love you. What a disappointment. It is here. Anywho, you'll Eduardo. Why don't you just miscue another track? I'm fucking sorry. Shots fired. Yeah, left and right. Peter Skarsgård? No. Damn it. That's why I didn't say anything.

Anywho, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. We'll edit this out. We chop together. You'll do a nice little You know who it could have been? Blake Lively. She was in that. That's right. That's where they got together and met. Something like that. I don't speak on things like that. Wow. You're principled. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's their private life.

Whoa. And I think you're a little gassy, too. You know when you zip your lip, but then immediately you got a fart? Yeah, sure. Yeah, because it's trapped. Nowhere to go, but out. Yeah. That's a good character. The mime who keeps zipping his lip and then... You're like, oh. All right. Normally, I love mimes. You're on SNL and...

You worked very hard for seven years, I think. And it took a toll. Because the kind of work you were doing is very labor intensive. The shorts. The shorts were really labor intensive. And then I imagine there's all kinds of pressure. Give us another one of those. It becomes viral the next day. Yeah. I mean, just be that. I mean, yes. For the first five years, we couldn't believe our luck. You know, they're like, they're just asking for him now. We have like a spot on the show every week.

But not coincidentally, after five seasons, Keeve and Jorm both kind of left and were half working there, half not. Keeve went and made a movie. Jorm went and made a movie. And it started getting a lot more difficult physically and... creatively yeah and so by the end of the seventh season i was like i don't think i can do it anymore basically so i went back for the 50th yeah and i was in the audience and really enjoying the show and then uh

I think the three of you did a short about anxiety at SNL. Oh, yes, yes. And I did it with Mike Diva, too, who's a director there now. And it is about... how many people talk about the anxiety of working on SNL. Yes, yes. And it's funny because you're kind of taking a piss out of that old saw that, you know, it's like going into battle doing SNL and the anxiety involved, but also at the same time.

you're honoring that that's it is true and it was really funny i loved it thank you uh yeah there's a whole section of it where i start singing if these pipes could talk because Talking about how everyone who ever worked there gets IBS basically from stress. And, you know, that video that night, everyone that worked there at some point.

was went out of their way to be like that was that was really like that nailed how it feels basically in a fun hopefully way also at a great moment because the 50th it came out beautifully, I thought. But of course, part of the process was a mad scramble because things have to be, I think there might be some part of Lauren that likes that.

Of course. Also, it's stressful to be at the 50th. Make no mistake. Like, you love it. You wouldn't miss it. But you're like, it's fucking everyone who's ever worked here is all here. And like... Who's going to say hi to me? Who's not going to say hi to me? Who do I say hi to? Am I going to be on the show if I'm...

in the show too much. Do I like what I'm doing? Am I pissed about that? If I'm not in the show, are they ignoring me? Like there's no winning when you go back into that because it's such a vortex of everything that's ever happened there. So I was kind of hoping it would. sort of be in the spirit of that also. Yeah, I think you touched on something that anyone who's worked there has felt. And it's so strange because people that...

So many people enjoy SNL as they should. They should enjoy it without knowing what goes into the sausage. Of course. So they're not supposed to know. No one's supposed to know that. the the level of anxiety that some people some people manage to do it and not feel that yeah um that's not how i'm built i always felt and i was a writer i was not a performer but just as a writer i i felt

Like there was a gun against my head all the time. It's designed that way. Yeah. It's, it's a pressure cooker, but also like I personally went through that process and I still love it the same as when I, before I worked there. Yeah. Because. It gave me everything I had hoped it would ever give me, and I loved doing it. And so you have to recognize when it's time for you to leave because you can't physically do it anymore. And...

If you can do that, I think it's fine. I mean, every job is hard. Like you go to your doctor and they're all cheery, hopefully, but like they went to med school for like 70 years or something. So like it's. It's the job and it's work and you do that work and your job is to make it seem like it's fun and just let the fun part filter through onto the show. Right? Yes. I disagree. No, I disagree. You disagree? But say more about that.

I just think you're wrong. And you think I'm stupid and ugly? Stupid and ugly, yes. But I hope that was implied. It's interesting because when you went on to do the very funny, long-running Brooklyn Nine-Nine, you're working in this format that I think you and I are similar. You mentioned it earlier. You kind of want to make something and have it be out there pretty soon. And if you're making a short film or if you're in a sketch or... I've always loved...

the world of think of it and then it happens pretty soon after you think of it. Yes. And I struggle in the format of, I mean, I don't even know how people make movies. What little I've seen of it, the idea that you would. spend years of your life and not know you would drop a nickel and not into a well and not hear it splash for seven years and then get a critique and it splashes when you're busy doing six other things yes that feels very strange to me and even the rhythm of

of doing a Brooklyn Nine-Nine would be very different. Yes. Than... What you got? What you got, kid? What you got? What you got? Yes. We got to a point, I mean, in our first five or... six seasons or something, we had like over 20 episodes a season. It's like that old school series order. So we would reach a point where they were being written and we were shooting them after the season had started airing.

And when you get into that rhythm, it's a little more stressful. But you can be like, hey, if I think of this joke today, it'll be on the air in like a month, two months. Right. Which for a TV show is pretty good. Yeah. The thing about making Brooklyn that I loved, I mean, there were a million things I loved about it, but to your point earlier about doing the digital shorts at SNL is controlling the edit.

yeah and just being like if a joke is a dud it's gone like the freedom of that feeling of knowing we're not going to expose anyone in our cast we're not going to embarrass ourselves and We're going to make it as tight as it needs to be or as slow as it needs to be for that thing. But something I was really proud of about Brooklyn Nine-Nine is that it flies. It really just goes and goes and goes. And that's something I really love personally.

Yeah, pacing. And I think of all the great clips that I watch over and over and over again from some of my favorite comedy movies, whether it's the Marx Brothers or W.C. Fields or whether it's Peter Sellers' Clouseau. Dude, who's on first? I showed my daughter who's on first because I was like, you should know what this is. They are flying. Abbott and Costello's famous who's on first routine.

And the other thing you realize about that, to be a total comedy nerd for a second, is what a great straight man means. You always think of Abbott and Costello. It's Costello who's the big, you know, clown. And you sometimes think, what's this straight man really doing? He's just saying, now, wait a minute. Oh, it's the whole thing. But he's fantastic. His job is to keep the line tight. Yep.

you know, so that the other person hanging on doesn't sag. And he, what are you doing? What are you, what are you talking about? You know, it's just that, it's so fast. The ball is just in the air the whole time. It's incredible. And you know, you can tell they've done it a million times and that's.

Back then, it was much more like you work your act across the country and then you put it on tape, you know, which maybe we should be doing more of. It's pretty incredible when you see those performances. It's just a whole different skill set. Yeah, it was a different...

era when people would have an act for a lifetime. Right. Yeah. So you would have your act and you think about what's happened because of technology. is you can work on an act for 25 years. And then they say, congratulations, you've got an HBO Max standup special. And you do it. And they go, great. you were nominated for an Emmy, but you didn't get it. But anyway. Who are you talking about? No, not me, not me. No, I know. But no, what I'm saying is that it's a quick hit.

The rush is over. It's a very noisy world out there. And you just did something you've been thinking about for whatever, 15 years that you've tested and tested and tested. And now what else you got? Yeah, it's tonnage now. It really is. I mean, comedy has always been that a little bit.

You're only as funny as the last thing you did. What if we had that principle on this podcast, but it was about the last thing you just said? Right. Well, the last thing I said was pretty serious. I know. That's what I'm saying. You're not funny right now. Ironically, not funny.

Yeah. So in this second, you're not funny. And so you say the last thing. Right. Tomatoes. Now I'm funny. Now you're really funny. Yeah. I'm almost like scared by how funny you just got. Yeah. You're now still not funny. And if I'm still speaking. If I'm being serious and it's not funny, trigger warning, I have to kill myself? That's the rule of your podcast? There's a little room we have in the back. The glass room?

So that we can watch you do it. Right. And there's like a samurai sword in there? No, it's auto-ironic situation. Oh, damn! Yeah. See, now this I could get into. Venmo Stache. Hey, what's Venmo Stache? You ask? Little boy? Well, you might think it's the hot new look in men's facial hair, but no.

I didn't think that. Shut up, little kid. It's the new cashback reward program from Venmo. And the best thing is, the more you do, the more you get. With Venmo Stash, you can get up to 5% cash back at your favorite brands. Just pick a bundle of your go-tos to shop with. Use your Venmo desk. and earn always on cash back. And you're free to mix things up. You can easily swap out your bundle of brands every 30 days.

Wow, 30 days. That's almost a month. Kid, you're not too bright. Earn more cash when you do more with Stash. Venmo Stash terms and exclusion apply. Max $100 cash back per month. See terms at venmo.me slash stash terms. That's a tongue twister. Sona, recently you got a new Hyundai. Palisade. Tell me what that's like. It's a beautiful car. I mean, it's got three rows, which is really convenient when you have kids. It's got bucket seats in the back where we put their car seats. So much cargo space.

It's big. It's a really pretty color. I absolutely love this car. The kids love this car. I'll say this. It is a very attractive car. You are so far ahead of your old car. Okay. You remember the first car that you had when you worked for me initially. Right. We won't get into the make and model. The one you trashed.

I smashed it a little bit because it looked like who would notice. But you have, but you know what? Now you're driving this Hyundai Palisade. It's gorgeous. It is. It's a really good, nice grownup car. It's really beautiful. And you've got available blind spot view monitor, which. I don't know about you. It comes in so handy. Yes. I don't hit, you know, postman anymore. I don't smash into things because I have this great, you know, blind spot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I almost hit a car the other day and the car stopped and made me. The car is better than you. It is. Yeah, it probably makes better life choices. It's smarter and better than I am, yeah. You got lane keeping assist, available front and second row relaxation seats. Oh, yeah.

How'd you ever leave your car and come in to do the podcast? Sometimes I don't want to leave. All right. Well, learn more about the Hyundai Palisade at HyundaiUSA.com. It really is a nice car. Call 562-314-4603 for complete details. Are you a happy chap now? You seem like a very happy fellow. I'm pretty happy. Were you always pretty happy? Always pretty happy. Damn it. I know. It's annoying. It's a struggle to work in comedy as a happy chap.

Which I will now only refer to myself as that. You're a real happy trappy. I feel like your SNL generation was the last one that was kind of like, it was still kind of intense and gritty. Am I wrong? It's possible. I don't know. The stories I hear both firsthand from people and like on things like podcasts and stuff, documentaries, which I have watched all.

It seems like it was a little more like competitive and kind of grindy. Yeah, yeah. It was definitely that when I was there. And then I have to credit Sandler for, I'll never forget. We were, you know, I got to think of something. Is this good enough?

I had something last week, but I don't know if I have anything this week. It's late. I don't think I can write comedy. I don't think I have. I used to call my girlfriend at the time and say, I think I can't do this. And she'd be like, well, you know. Quit then. Oh, that was fun. Anyway, I was dating the Tasmanian devil. I was like, where'd you go, Cody? Sorry, passed out for a second. You're a terrible lover! What? Does it ever get a wreck?

What? Please. Those are just made up quips. But I was in that state of mind. And I think, you know, Smigel and Odenkirk and Greg Daniels were like. It's life or death. And it feels like that's kind of how everyone feels. And then this guy named Adam Sandler showed up one day and he's like, and he kept talking about, let's go get a milkshake.

Oh, milkshakes are good. And he went, oh, I had strawberry, it was very good. And I just thought, what? And he was like, this is so much fun to be at SNL. Oh, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it. Yippee! And he had that. I'm going to do opera man. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. This is great guys. And, and then I remember he came out with a movie and when it was, the movie was.

premiering. He rented a big bus with all of his friends that made the movie and they drove around and they got little shakes. And then they went to the premiere and people recognized Adam and he was very happy. And you're just, this is how it's. This is a possibility? You can like this? I mean, it's... Why not? It's just your childhood, right? I guess so, yeah. I think he just came out that way. And by the way, obviously, he's a huge inspiration to me. And when I saw him on SNL...

It was him on SNL and Jim Carrey on A Living Color were the first times when I was younger where I was like, oh, maybe I could do comedy. Oh, yeah. Not to take away from how incredible they both are. Like, I'm not talented specifically how they are at all. But... It felt so like for me, your show as well, frankly, where I was like, oh, it's coming now that what I really specifically like is successful. Yeah.

perhaps now there's a path for me. Like, I think it is that one-to-one. I think sometimes real silliness used to be discounted somewhat, but then... I've always had that theory that no, no, I just love things that are incredibly silly. Yeah. I'll use the word stupid. But then if it's really good, it's because there's some little piece of intelligence somewhere that I can't explain. I mean, or maybe not. Imagine me explaining to my parents why, like, I'm under the table guy is like.

genius right because it is because he's fucking off the whole enterprise right like it's he's he's continuing like steve martin and money like and monty python we keep talking about but like the whole feeling of like I think certain people who love comedy are born into this world. And we were like, I have a question. None of it makes sense though, right? Like it's all a weird cosmic joke cartoon, right? And I'm not.

Like alone in that, right? And then when you find other people that share that feeling and funnel it into laughing and enjoying themselves, it feels like a gift from God. You're like...

you made it to hogwarts yes you know yes it is exactly how it feels um by the way the most irresponsible school to send your children to is hogwarts say more well Thank you. If only I had a mic and a podcast. Can you imagine sending your kids to Hogwarts and they're killed in a massive battle? That happens all the time. I don't know if we should send them back next year. Yeah. Did you know that 11 kids died playing Quidditch this year? People are constantly...

imperiled and dying. And, and, and I think, and the school has to publish these facts. They do have to put it out there. I'm just saying, I watch that all the time. This is standup. You imagine getting the email from Hogwarts in the summertime. We promise Baltimore's not going to be there next year. I know some of the parents were concerned. Baltimore showed up, killed hella kids.

We have taken care of it. We assure you our school counselor has talked to them. You're just like, oh, man. Yeah, yeah. Okay, he did come back. This time he's like a squishy little like widget underneath. 400 kids died in a great battle that destroyed most of the school and puts any mass shooting to shame. By its sheer scale. But anyway.

We could use money this year for our library. We heard there was a Dementor in your child's dorm room. We're going to give you a 20% discount on that. Right? That's a bit. Should we do a stand-up special? I think you and I should do a stand-up special. We'll talk about the money. Okay. I assume 90-10 split. You take the 90? I get the 90. Yeah, because seniority. Well, it's not just seniority. Height. Height.

but also... Quality. Quality. I'm Catholic. More famous. No, I don't think that. I do. But anyway, what I'm happy for you about is that... I did all these things that I'm very happy about, and then I find these things that I don't even know what they mean to people anymore, but I enjoy doing them. It's fun. And I love that. And as long as the rent's paid, I'll do the fun stuff now. Yes. And I really do look at these younger generation of comedians and I'm.

just delighted this stuff when i see good stuff it makes me very happy i don't feel good damn it agreed they were sucking the lifeblood from me but you get to do these things now like uh this animated series digman yes which is a Really funny idea because you grew up on... Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones. Yeah. And the mummy and, you know, this notion that archaeologists are like the... National treasure. Yeah, like the coolest people.

In the world. And it's just a universe where you're just, you are told to accept that. Yes. Where you're like, archaeologists, whoa. So yeah, me and my friend Neil Campbell wrote a whole show where that's basically the world where archaeologists are the biggest celebrities. And you know what I love? is that we all accepted it. I mean, when, you know, I'm quite a bit older than you. I got two decades on you. And I remember when Indiana Jones came out and I never for a second thought.

Not for a split second that I think, wait a minute, archeologist. They would show him teaching at school and then going out around the world. And it was the most exciting thing in the world. And when I knew that you were coming on, I thought. and we were going to talk about Digman, I thought, it's just so funny to me, the idea of you could take footage of real archaeologists doing what they really do, but put the Indiana Jones theme to it. And it's people just looking.

at geological maps. Oh, yeah. for years to try and look where maybe the fault came together and there used to be a river because that, and then slowly digging, but being very careful. Little brushes. Yeah, little brushes, but then the local government. has asked you to do a stay. because they want to examine what you're doing more carefully. So they shut down the site. You respond with legal letters. Now the site's been reopened. Just more slow, dusty.

And then lifetime over, never really found anything. Roll credits. Credits. Really long credits. Like there were tons of stunts. Just lots of stunt men that you never saw proof of in any way. And he died. It's real. It's real. I mean, some of them, I'm sure, are swashbuckling and adventure-y. Your character. Yes. The voice. Rip Digman, the voice. Yeah. Yeah, it might sound familiar to some. I'd like to hear a little. Well, it sounds a little like this. Yay! I'm happy.

My favorite impressions of all time. Oh, you're the best. No, no, seriously. First of all, I love him. I adore him. Oh, he's the coolest. And I say this, if this gets back to Nicolas Cage, I adore him. My eyes are never off him. he does anything which i think is proof that he's doing something right yes but that voice dude your impression is fantastic thank you he came on snl and did it with me which i know is like an snl move but if i really had to think about

One moment that I had live during that show, that was my favorite moment of the whole time. It was probably when he came and did that with me. And were you at all self-conscious about doing it with him or did it immediately just turn into, we're playing together. It's fun.

Kind of the latter. I mean, I obviously didn't want him to hate me because I respect his work so much. And like the reason I have an impression is because I've watched a thousand hours of Nick Cage. You know, it's like embedded in me somewhere. But I didn't even think to do it. It was like...

I think like Emily Spivey or someone wrote me into a sketch as Nick Cage and she's like, you know, Sam Bear, can you do Nick Cage? And I was like, I don't think so. But then I tried it and I was like, I guess I can kind of do it. And then I kept doing it on update. And it was just so fun. And he was the nicest when he came and he went so fucking ham live. Of course. We did an address and he was like, good. And we were like, this is going to work. And then on air, he just like.

went all in and like did the nice thing of like I'm gonna do how you do the impression yes you know so it like feels crackly and fun like yeah it was just a joy

We used to do a horse on our late night show called Cloppy. And Cloppy was a horse. The conceit was I'd go like, hey, it's time to visit our friend Cloppy. And then there was like a children's theme. And this horse with a big fake head would look through the window. And go, hi, I'm Cloppy. And I would talk to Cloppy.

And Kloppy would always say very depressing things and then wander off and you'd hear a gunshot and a fall. And I go, oh no, Kloppy killed himself. And Kloppy would come back and, no, I didn't. And then there was always a very tortured explanation. for what the gunshot in the fall was all about. And he kept doing that. And that was cloppy. And we go out with the song too.

And then I had Nick Cage on once, completely unrelated. We had him on as a guest and he's talking. And he just said at one point, I like clobby. And with his Nick, I mean, you can do it better than I can, but he said, I like you. I like cloppy. You can do it for me. I really like cloppy. And he did it with a big smile.

I became obsessed when the interview was over. I said, the next time we do Kloppy, I want the, when we play the song, it's Kloppy. I want a little circle wipe to come up of Nick Cage's head going. holla like coffee for no reason and then go away.

And that was the magic of doing that kind of comedy was they went, okay. And then the next time we did Cloppy, they had a Nicolas Cage endorsement just as a little head. But of course he got it immediately because he liked Cloppy because he's the best. Yes.

He's the best. I like the horse that comes in with the happy song and then you think maybe he killed himself. Because that's fucking funny. You know, you're just like, yeah, man, it is. That's good stuff. I also want to give a shout out to The Roses, which is, I mean, talk about this cast. You're in this movie with Benedict Cumberbatch.

And Olivia Colman. This is one of those things that you have to have a moment of, I'm sorry, I was doing really weird shit on the internet 25 years ago. And now I'm with.

two of the best actors in the world. Truly. In a film? Yeah, in a movie. Jay Roach directed it. Me and Kate McKinnon play a married couple who are friends with them. It's a remake of War of the Roses, but... really more of a reimagining yep um and it's written by tony mcnamara who wrote like the great and the favorite and poor things and stuff any uh

Is there an intimidation factor there? And it's okay if there isn't. You don't have to say there is. I'll say this. SNL breaks you over a little because you deal with everyone and you realize like, all right, everyone's just people. It's just, are you that crazy of a fan that you get a little nervous? Which I did. I did a movie a couple years ago with Kate Winslet, and it was a straight drama. And after going through that, I was like, well, at least this, The Roses.

is comedic and I'm supposed to be funny in it. So I was relaxed in that way. I was also paired with Kate and that was very comfortable for me. But I'm not unaware that I'm like in, I'm in a scene at one point with Cumberbatch. Olivia, and Allison Janney. And it's just the four of us. And it's like a big scene. And the ghost of Laurence Olivia. Yeah, so you're like, seriously. Boo! Boo! Yeah, yeah. Like, yes, honestly. Like, Daniel Day-Lewis is like, mind if I pop in?

I'm just trying to memorize my lines. Get the fuck out of here. But it's... You start and you're nervous and you're like, oh, here comes that day. I know that day. And then you do it. And as soon as you do a couple of takes and it's working and it's really funny too, which I just know is what I do. Yep. I'm like. All I can think is like, this is so fun and this is so cool. And they're all so nice. Like Olivia came from comedy. Benedict's hilarious. Janny is a legend and so funny.

Everybody's nice. They're all like lying and saying they're nervous too to make me feel better. It was very warm and very fun. I remember re-watching Hot Fuzz recently. Olivia Colman's in it. Yeah. And her name is like 15th in the credits. Yeah. She's hilarious and she kills it, but I think total she maybe has. nine lines or something oh yeah i mean she was banging around yeah doing stuff and being really funny and then everyone was like what if we let her do drama too

And it was like, oh, I see. You're like one of the best. You're one of the best ever. Yeah. And Cumberbatch was funny because I played a detective on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, obviously, co-created by Dan Gore. Dan Gore, a former writer of mine. That's why I bring it up. He betrayed me and fled in the foolish thought that he could have his own hit.

Well, it never happened for you, did it, Dan? Conan, Brooklyn Nine-Nine was a huge... People love that show. Shut up. Sorry. I'll do all the voices if I have to. That's fine. It's like a radio play. It's good. But anyway, when I would have like a big case-solve monologue on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, I would often say, everybody stand back. I'm about to start cumberbatching. Because of Sherlock. Yeah, yeah. And no one, speaking of...

which is my fave thing, I keep telling. Doing like fast dialogue, perfect diction, tons of thought going into every line, taking you through this journey of like Sherlock Holmes is solving this crazy, intricate thing. He was like, when it came to the detective stuff, that was my North Star. Yeah. Where I was like, the look and feel should be McNulty from The Wire, and the speed of the solves should be Sherlock. Yes.

uh so it was cool to get to work with him and see him like do that in person well you're living the dream Because you're here with me. I made it about me again. And bingo. Podcast. Podcast. The best thing anyone could ever do. When they're bad, it's okay. When they're good, it's okay. Everything's okay. It's a podcast, podcast. I've noticed that. I'm like, anytime we do anything and people are like, I'm like, I don't know about that one. It was great.

Blaze always like, it was great! It was great. It is always great. No, it's not always good. When you get a guy like Andy Simberg in here, oh man, is it good. Oh, shit. But then some piece of crud like Harrison Ford. Thank you. Thank you. And if you're listening, Harrison, I'm coming for you. That'll scare him. I want to thank you for being here. I also want to thank you for always being one of the nicest, just most relaxed, hilariously funny people I've ever known. Seriously, you...

You're a ray of sunshine. Seriously. And you make me, and when you show up in your goddamn baggy pants. What did you say? You say a quick, the quick Lauren story at Wimbledon.

Oh. Yeah, so. Because I brought that up and you brought up something and I said, let's do it on the pod. Yes, you said you're wearing sweatpants. What the fuck, basically. In a bit voice. Bit voice, bit voice. Yeah, I wasn't hostile. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No clickbait. Yeah. Conan O'Brien thrashes Andy Samming for wearing fucking sweatpants, piece of shit, fucking slacker. All right. Long headline.

Do you, Internet? So, yes. And I said, do you want me to change pants? And then I said, oh, that actually really happened to me. I went to Wimbledon with Lorne last summer. And we were going to sit in the royal box. Which is she-she as fuck, obviously.

uh and he and i got an email being like dress code this and that i was there shooting the roses and i didn't have any like nice pants with me so i was like i got black jeans that's gotta fly black jeans are not like normal i would wear black jeans to a funeral and i have exactly exactly uh I would wear them to my own funeral. Okay, that's just stupid. Why? You went too far. Let's get a rewrite on that.

I wish I had done it on purpose. It was just like, I couldn't hold it anymore. I was like, black jeans, the Queens box. They're not going to care. Like also like. A little A. Sandberg here. Hello. I'm not like unknown in the UK. So. You're a huge star in the UK. This one's full Jack Black. Okay. So we show up, walk in.

immediately you can't wear those pants that's just like oh no fuck i fucked oh i fucked lauren i ruined his vacation uh and they were like no no it's fine you just have to put on some of our wimbledon brand khakis oh of course so they Take me into a building into a giant conference room empty with like five pairs of Wimbledon brand khakis on the table. And they're like, yeah, I wish everyone's fit. And then left. And I was like.

I guess I'll get into my underwear. So I change out of my jeans into the Wimbledon khakis. They're not a nice fit. No. Not flattering. Not flattering. I'm not a khaki guy at this point. No. And, you know, hugging in all the wrong places. But I'm like, you know, it's forlorn. Yeah. So come back out there like, oh, thank you so much. Sorry about that. Sorry. I'm like, yeah, it's fine. Walk out to the Queen's box, sit down. And as we sit there, there's like, ladies and gentlemen, the.

Person's hurt and then retired. The match is canceled. Enjoy mixed doubles. And everyone in the royal box stands up and leaves. Wow. And we're just like, should we get some tea? So your autobiography will be entitled. Khakis for no reason. Khakis for no reason. Or like... Piece of shit. What? I don't like that punitive inner voice you have. She was a fucking piece of shit. No. But like little font?

so ellipse ellipses no little tiny phone here's a piece of shit no andy the point is you were a piece of shit In the past, but now. In the past, but that was six months ago. I was going to ask you the timeline. Super late. I was like, give me the timeline. You pulled it out. Andy Samberg, I'm going to let you go. Congratulations on everything. thing and uh this has been i don't know someone i need to pay someone because this was so much fun so uh just name your amount and we'll yeah six bucks

Wow. I got off easy. Okay. All right. I do have fun, you know. Andy Sandberg, God bless you. Thank you, Conan. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up

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