M Comity Central Podcast. Hahahaha Good night? Good night? Jaaa, good night? Some of you may think that I say this to say something Good night. It' s super well thought out. To start this show and one day I get up a stage without thinking too much and I said hello, hello, hello, four Japanese sitting in the front row. He got up and they freaked out. Jar if all the jokes you have to comment on between you until the pills I liked here this morning. Anyway, I
' m here today in the Slavic very happy. I' ve been treated like a fucking waitress. He tells me you' re the bad guy, I say yes and he tells me to watch you get warmed up. I make you a cubata and put you a straw that I say if it is to heat, I could do it backwards ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Anyway, I introduce myself, I always present myself with the phrase that
my password wife has in her hotmail. I love you very much Alberto that modito truth, my name is Ramón Tartas and I come from a small town and Girona I don' t know if you know it called the beach of hoop, what in English would be biach or coal hop and those that we are from town And I, when I leave, I lose the pussy. I heard about my house this morning. I put the GPS Madrid Calle Arenal that when I just wrote a GPS was already in Zaragoza pussy and I give
it to the ok and give it what there is. The GP is done to me so I say shit. I' ve had to resort to everything typical to ask the abritas on the street and a ball, passing the dog under the glass, I say I' m like I' m going to fuck with the ball of the balls. I' m sorry, ma' am I' m fine to go where I' m going, and the lady' s whole show answers me straight. What do I say if I didn' t say it, where I' m going. The only place you can go is shit and it' s over there. And he said
second problem and came here today to isolate all love. Two chicks at the door who were really hot. I step in the middle and when one of us passes by he says to his friend Mira, Mira, Auntie, how strong. This guy looks a lot like the one who fucks me last month that, by the way, aunt a mess in bed we' re going to see. I want to make it clear that I don' t look like that guy at all. It is I who finish the foot. Tells me you' re the typical cheap- eyed pencil guy who runs right away.
I say yes, I mean, you know that you' re the typical aunt and you' re clear by moderate and functional. I say no, because you' re so easy to ride, but I' ll flip for a moment. I don' t know if you know it Today it ' s exactly two hundred days since the singer died This is the my wing house, which I say is weird that she died with what the kid took care of, not that they did the autopsy. The coroner saw his arms
and said pussy we liked them. You already have the road open, at least not that now they were going to incinerate and jump to the coroner and say don' t be animals that a bootahumeiru pussy will appear, but it goes totally and I' m going to make a monologue. When the monologue is over. If, for whatever reason, one of you doesn' t like it, you have my permission, you can spit at me, you can insult me, you can throw things at me I sweat. I'
m completely used to it. I have been eight and a half years of regional football referee that one of you thought why Catalan pussy for pasta. Don ' t think about a game You get paid more than 100 euros in total. You have to run ninety- five minutes ninety behind the ball, five at the end of Adeno. The people who are after you first arbitrating party
in Madrid. I' m never gonna forget it. I touched a small residential neighborhood of the periphili of Madrid, blessed bread, ja ja ja no, that the one that I was there was me eh five minutes before passing the game knocks at the door of my wardrobe. The patriarch of the blessed bread gypsies comes into my locker room and tells me I' m subtitled.
Good afternoon. Collegial sir, hahahahahahahahahahahaha. I read in the newspaper that you come from Chirona, that you strained you that half of us have been to Chirona as well. People here talk mushumically and we do, but don' t worry that I' m here to protect you and keep an eye on you. And you' re not going to happen to Nina and I swear to you by the Cross of the Christ of great power that I' ve been hanging here in authentic gold of twenty- four kilobatio, that nobody'
s going to straw to you. Guy' s going to think hell bon roll. Five seconds later he comes back in and tells me, but let ' s not lose that I say shit, I go out on the field, field draw, throw the coin in the air he' s never seen it again. We had to do the stone draw, paper scissors that jumps to the Captain of Blessed Bread and tells me stone and paper. We don ' t smoke it here, I say curious poles. For the curious. The match ended two to zero in favor of the team of Pan Bliss,
two goals of penalty. The usual bad guy always thought he was telling me for sure that those penalties were doubtful by my balls, that they weren' t invented directly. No, but not apart from that game, my mother accompanied me back home. My mother in the car tells me look, my son, I love you very much, but it' s the last time she' s with you at a game of these. I say why, ' cause people talk more about me than you that smells ask for reason, no, and that I' m hairy as a referee. And I have
problems in my personal life. I, for example, have on my Facebook one hundred and eighty- five friends and eight thousand seven hundred and eighty- nine enemies who write to me on my wall. You son of a bitch. We' re gonna kill you. I put it, I don' t like it. Another one gets me one day I don' t shit on your father, it' s just like me and one even wrote me one day. He fucks your mother yesterday. I' ll take her. I know this guy. I' m going to answer him for once you
fuck, don' t presume so much dad pulled that me. I don ' t want to talk about Facebook here, which many comics have already talked about Facebook, but I do have Facebook and it' s a thing that surprises me that Facebook that shows that we' re ass fools, I have four thousand eight hundred seventy- three friends and the guy comes out in the picture. So I say you have a friend that I can take a fucking
picture and aside Facebook, it lacks things that puts status. I went to the woods this afternoon with my girlfriend Mariona and our dog Dunia to look for mushrooms in case we find tits that we tell you tonight at Tita' s ball house and then we' ll watch a movie that you can put on. I like it, I don' t like it, I mean foul. The most important one is I sweat it, because that doesn' t matter to anyone. Cost I take care that I, because of Facebook,
have been three months that I don' t talk to my mother. My mother has signed up for computer courses for the insert I say, Mom, why do you sign up for computer courses at your age, not to be able to communicate with my friends. I mean, sign up for daughter courses. Better, sir, see, my mom' s got the other day telling me I' m going to see my friends I won' t be
back late. I say don' t fuck with you, I' ll give you eight o' clock for my mother to go for a walk in the cemetery with a friend who was cut off from her foot a month ago. He' s got him buried and they' ll see that I say this yes, that he' s a foot in the pussy grave and this lady Catalana, when she got the bill to bury her foot, the very smart aunt. He returned it with a note that he wrote and I'
ll pay for everything together with Miraguel. But since I' m talking about cemeteries, I' ve come here a few days is a little rough for me. Fifteen days ago my wife died. I' ve had three women in my life. All three of them have left me. The first time I always said you don' t have a personality, you don' t know how to command, because he sent me to fuck. The second one left me because he said I was unfaithful to him. It wasn' t
my fault, it was the drinking. I would go out with her on a party, get drunk and double track and always fuck the one she wasn ' t. And the third one I said died 15 days ago. The poor woman died in someone else' s bed and it was just this other one who called me on the phone to give me the news and I asked her what was typical. You know if he died suffering, he told me he didn' t see that he was dead. While they were doing it.
I say make sure she' s monser, because when she did it with me she looked dead, but no and the guy I' m just calling me on the phone to go to her house to get the cold and I get there and I call a very expensive hearse. I say fuck off. I' ll take her in my car. I have a wide car. I got a Nissan Micra, we put her in the car between the
two of us. When we put him in, I see that my wife ' s lover puts the belt that I say very well yes, sir, so that he doesn' t kill himself and he starts driving and the Civil Guard' s five kilometers of alcohol control, right in front of the slut club the Horna whale, which I say I look at how well thought out the kids waiting for their moms to get out of work and get to the Colemia count under the glass. The Civil Guard stares at my wife, who
was white as paper and tells me that lady is his wife. I mean, it was and I don' t want to know that I' d have to drink grapes. I mean, it already takes twelve every end of the year. Don' t touch me It' s the egg. I don' t do the negative clemia control that by the way, you remember the 17- or 8- year- old Alcolemia controls, that the blood alcohol limit was zero eighty, zero eighty shit you went out of a completely drunk party, you blew yourself out and you gave zero seventy- eight and
the Civil Guard told you. You saw nothing but the limit. I' m saying I can' t fucking either. I do negative control to celebrate it. I' m going to take four copichuelas to the club and when I leave they stole my car with the cold inside. I call the Civil Guard. Typical police question. You had some value inside the car. I mean courage. The GP is the cell phone, the sunglasses are nothing more.
I mean courage. I don' t say later, he' s also been to my wife who jumps the Civil Guard and says this guy is my hero, he goes off to hookers and leaves the woman in the car. Yes, sir, but when your wife dies, there are two essential phone calls that you always have to make. First your mother- in- law to give the news. I thought I' d tell you in a
subtle way. We' re not going to impact you, Mrs Antonia, on the number of daughters that you had subtracted from one and the second way you have to do is not important to me, but it' s a lot harder than you have to make the mobile phone company to unsubscribe to the mobile phone of the dead woman. There' s no balls. I' m not going to explain. I' m gonna do it because it was so that' s what I called the Seister and nine. This is what
happened one Catalan catalan decommissioning a mobile phone. Death, no, not that the headline died and no longer needs it. They' re going to put me through to an operator who speaks Catalan. You' re good afternoon. You already have Don Gabriel Jesús José of the Department of Attention to Gilipolla and this one I know here that you are Don Ramón Tarta Masager, tell me please, where Ramon a name so I can address you. Chuck Norris, this Mr Chuck, tells me the operator that you want the phone down.
Mobile deceased. I' ve passed away. Yeah, it' s me this one why he wants to give you guys down the phone. I say I know, because where they' re going to put me. I' m not gonna have to cover, but it' s more than I' m gonna call them freaking out Look. Let' s do one thing. I give you the new billing address of the holder and you send him the bills and agree, take note of streets of the souls at rest municipal cemetery of the almudera that by fo. Thank you, but, well, 15
days ago my wife died. It' s all right and four days ago my sentimental life laughed, a wonderful date with a multimillion- dollar girl from Barcelona, a girl who had so much money that as a child when she wrote the letter to the Magi I would put Dear Kings Magi, if there ' s anything you need for this Christmas, you just have to ask me.
I was afraid of pasta. I invite myself to dinner at the best restaurant in Barcelona, which is called Messo Ston ship paidtituusiel translated Spanish, take out the visa that we founded it and you arrive to this restaurants and you have noticed that always receives you the same character, that is a metre faggot. You get there and you get the guy. Good evening, Mr Felveny Anstaran, and I look at you as French. No, sir, I ' m from Murcia, God, because stop fucking with me, not that
I have to be French. The whole Glamour thing. Well we sat at the table Nuria which is what it' s called the millionaire. She' s telling me poor shit she' s got a job to do. I ' m not saying, there' s no big deal. You' d like to make yourself French for the day. I see I' d love to, but with the ribs I don' t get pussy and sit down and ask first I went. People think he was a word that sees French. It wasn' t right. Since when you look at the letter and
see the price, you say fua. Hence the name of second Lubina comes to the reduction of port. You, the bass and the port don' t see them anywhere, but the reduction sure in these restaurants those little ones like that, what a nuria that you do a lot of girls on me tells me you. I can take a little bit of what I say Eat your stuff I' d love to, but with the ribs I don' t get wet. I say I was the caste and bequeath the moment to
choose the wine. For those who have no divine fucking idea like me, in the Letter to the Right there is a little number followed by the euro symbol. That' s a clue. You have to take neither the most expensive nor the most baratio. Specifically I took one that was worth 180 euros, the bottle and the metre always says the same thing. Excellent lesson.
Sir it is an exquisite good of one thousand nine hundred eighty and two that I say one hundred eighty euros and expired sons of bitches, that comes the metres with the bottle, the uncle gives me of cork and the faggot gives me the cap, that I say keep it for you that you need more than my pussy and thanks, and the uncle comes and serves me a ridiculous supid in the cup. To taste it, how to taste the glass of an expensive restaurant. You have to play a game that consists of trying to
get the wine out of the glass, so there are no balls. It doesn' t come out. Then you have to read it, you' ll freak out. It smells like wine. It always smells like wine. There' s the typical understanding. This wine has cinnamon aromas. I say cane bouquets will have your fucking mother wine or wine. The guy insists not that he has cinnamon scents. I mean, dream, with you, what you' ve given and fuck, that' s true. You and it
' s time to pay the bill. Comes the subway with the count with an ear- to- ear smile like you' re going to shit. Leave the count the table nuria picks up and says let me invite you. Me, me. No. No, please, and I' m off no, no, no, no, I insist on payment, I look at the bill. He' s completely banned. I mean, okay, you pay and Nuria pays with the platinum visa. Platinum visa is not left in the term platinum visa. You have to throw it away with disgust.
Thus I make clear, I had not seen navi that plate in my life. I say Nuria, I say Nuria this platinum visa thing that is and Nuria explains it to me. The platinum visa. The same word says it ' s for exclusive people like me, for me it' s platinum. I say aha and one when. Thank you, we have still paid well for the metres with a box of cigars that invites us to pure pussy me, who is Catalan. If it' s free, I' ll take the fattest and it' s happened to us at the weddings these cigars give
you. So fat that you' re smoking half an hour and when you ' re dizzy lost, you look at the cigar and you see that it ' s added only two percent of the cigar that aside from the Treaty, so much to endure the cigar with your mouth. You' re in pain here that you' re really freaking out girls come out of the restaurant and on the door of the restaurant have hung a picture of these modern art. I stare at the painting and the metres come from behind to instruct me like
our latest picture of tasteful bojoolet. I don' t understand what the fuck it is I explain to you, sir, this painting has the particularity that if you look it upside down such that you have, you will be able to see perfectly drawn the silhouette to city of Mahattan. What do you think of the picture, sir I say you hung it upside down um normal and now I' m leaving the restaurant and we' re going with Nuria to have a drink to these bars that are now fashionable in drinks, which are
design that is nua. Nuria asks for an eighteen- year- old whiskey that I say this aunt likes all the old stuff. When he gets on my toledo ninety- four, he' s going to freak out and I ask for a ginton and the waiter comes and he gives me ice gin grape kiwi cucumber, strawberry, raspberryberry, lemon slice, orange slice. I mean, I' m not paying you. I asked you to snton and you put Macedonia on me. What' s wrong with people with the sintonics,
or fuck. We' re dumb on the lighted waiter. He gives me his reasons. He tells me it' s not so you don' t notice the taste of gin. So, thank you very much, son of a bitch. If I didn' t want the taste of gin to show. I would have asked you for a fluke, one me all that total eggs I come out of the sea without a hard one. I' m going to the ATM to get more money. I put the card in the slot and from the ground I hear a voice that tells me you have a
cigarette. You can see it was the homeless residence of the cashier. I give him the cigarette, the guy takes it and throws it in my face. This is bullshit. It' s light, I mean light, it ' s nicotine- free, I mean, and you complain that you don ' t have nicotine, you don' t have carpet, you don' t have a miserable couch, and we don' t know that. We leave the bar and go straight to the hotel with Nuria, super luxury five
star hotel. I like the hotels of a lifetime, the hotels that you ask for the key in reception and give you a key with a chain and at the end of the canita a block of ice- cold concrete that if you, pererror you come out with that key of fun, it seems of the Doctor House that you can not walk, because here it is not. Here' s a chip card for those of you who don' t know what a chip is. A car of these pipe up the mountain all or you hit him with the card, with the chip at the door of the
room. And there' s no fucking way to open that door. You never know what to do with the card if you put it in, if if I brought it in. So the total door half an hour to open you put it in and take it out if I went through the null, the door and when you enter there is no light, you lower the reception and tell him of reception in the room there is no light and you say uncle it is not that I tell you you put the card in a slot.
I mean, if there' s no light, I don' t see the fucking pussy slot at the end with the cell phone, I see the hrandura, I put the fucking card in. What a cool room. You a bed of two meters for two meters, a fan on the ceiling, an operation and it comes time to make love with nuria, luxury hotel, water bed. You' ve done it once. In a water bed it is impossible enough already to compare your movements with those of hers as to be on top of the waves that you generate in the bed that if you
depart, you send nude to the ceiling and say nothing happens. So it happens, because when he catches the fucking beater, he sends her to fuck off. Sure, yeah, there' s no way to end the sex act. I had to fake an orgasm. Ah ah, ah, you ' ll laugh it' s gonna be cando ha eight times. I get to sleep, because guys, after taking a break, we only know how to do three things or smoke or snoring or pay to go home. There
' s no other one. The next day I wake up, I put on the chandal I say I' m going to run, as there is one I could and it turns out that from these expensive hotel rooms you can not leave. Why. Because hanging from the door there' s a little letter that says don' t bother me saying what the fuck you' re doing out of the hall so I can' t get out. I mean, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait. I' ll turn it around. Worse, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I had to go to the vacuum cleaner, scrub the bathroom, clean the dust. Ah you the room and apart you have noticed that there is behind the door there is a plan with the floor of the hotel, which puts a super curious instruction in case of fire. You' re here, I say and now I' m burning, where the fuck am I fucking, but good enough to say goodbye, I' m gonna leave you with Nuria.
It was a girl who taught me something very valuable, who taught me how to make love with a woman and taught me how to do it in a very didactic way. One day I came home, I found her naked in bed, with her legs open and in the cave of love I had put a picture of the King of Morocco that I say and this and tells me to wet me, first I turn her around. And on the buttonhole was a leaf of rose that I say and this and tells me petal, for nothing, that' s all. Thank you so much, oh,
pleasure to be here. Thank you so much.