Jorge Segura - Back to Oklahoma - podcast episode cover

Jorge Segura - Back to Oklahoma

Jul 09, 202424 min
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Comedy Central Podcast. Thank you, thank you. How about how you are well, but either or in general there are differences. Uh, no, it' s not the same. Not well, well, that' s what I' m fucking about. Well in general it' s basically fine, but there are things that piss me off that I don' t feel like commenting on right now. You don' t have to come. In general, don' t eey look there it is. I' m fine too in general It' s worth what' s going on, it'

s just that it doesn' t matter what my story is. I don ' t care if I hurt my back. I said it, already, I pulled it out of the back. No, but it' s something that' s gotten worse and even recently they gave me these curved sole sneakers to try and fix me. My back, you know, and my back, they left it the same way, but they screwed up my social life. You know what I mean. Every step I take is like an event,

it' s like man' s first step on the moon. Go is that I can not stay five minutes still in a place because they throw me for drunk, but I can not find my center of gravity. You know, and my back' s left me the same. So then I tell myself this happens to me alone and I start investigating. I say this happens to everyone. I mean, everybody' s back hurts, that'

s right. There' s no one I know, someone I know, someone I know, someone I know who' s believed in, uh, no, no, everybody' s got a backache, or it' s hurt or it' s gonna hurt. Is that so? Is that so? Sometimes I wonder if maybe the sapiens back didn' t rush to get on two legs, not maybe, we weren' t ready, not maybe.

It was an act of isolated pimping, not one day of one of them who said to see I' m going to try his might hurt ah but I' m the fucking master or and everyone, as I also want, I want to and everyone getting away there, everyone has stood for centuries with their backs fucked by pride, nothing but pride and not yet a new sapia with enough personality to say look at you go as you want or back. The first thing hasn' t happened. There hasn' t been,

thank you so many centuries of evolution at all. We' re supposed to only use ten percent of our mental ability. You have understood our mental capacity. You' ve heard each other age once. Yeah, it' s not that tip from that typical tip that' s Dice I don' t know how it got there, but there it is. No, I mean, it' s that kind of thing that they say that if all the Chinese jumped at once, the whole world would freak out alive, because it

would be ridiculous to think about it, to weigh it. I mean, imagine he' s playing you there like two gums, a soda you make. They know where he' s going, it' s time. Ten percent, ten percent, Sab ten percent equal. It' s not much, but I had already assumed it. I haven' t heard it and I' ve been hearing it for so long that I' ve assumed it.

But recently I saw an American film in original version and one guy tells another you know that human beings only use fifteen percent of their mental capacity and the other says clearly. Everyone knows and I stay And so I say when this has gone up. I mean, I haven' t seen any news, I haven' t seen anything come out on TV. Fifteen percent is in America maybe. When he then translates the fight into Spanish to bring it to Spain, he also changes the data so that we don' t suspect

anything. No, I mean maybe. There is a worldwide secret ranking of the average coefficients of each country. And I believe in a lot of insecurity because I want to know where I am. Not here in Spain do I see a lot of people around me who don' t even reach ten percent. You see that. We see that, too. No. He sees it on the street, on the TV tomras go further from the family, he also sees no eh, because we will not shut up, not in

the family. It was that call, that call you got to see well you' re talking to me, I mean, yeah, you wouldn' t be talking to the coroner maybe, it wasn' t. There aren ' t people who don' t get ten percent who see every side on TV. You see a lot of this. I recently watched a successful TV show by Carlos Sobra, not the one by Attrapa a doll, no, and there he was with the I don' t keep the names and he was running an old lady, not his daughter, an adult woman. No.

And the last question with all the dough on the table. It was the next one I swear to you, that' s how the three little pigs were brothers and you see Mr Mayor, who gets super nervous about the tests. I' m all this jokes and the other story, like Mom said, all my life or this little piggy, brother, what are you thinking. The other one turns around and you tell her if I already know in the story yes, but in real life I don' t know.

These people exist and live among us. I don' t want to alarm you, and you' ll be wondering there' s a limit where you ' re no longer extremely naive and officially stupid. There is that limit. It exists. I' ve lived on that limit all my life. I ' ve been the naïvest person in the world, but far away or small. He was the naïvest person in the world. I' m really small. I saw a black man standing in the shade and thinking if man now you' re going to put yourself in the shade. This is expected.

If I know this short, it' s irreversible. But it was by naivety, by naivety and don' t think that with age and new technologies I also screw up. I' m a Facebook member recently, no wow and good to me the whole part. I' m not used to language yet. A few weeks ago a friend put on his wall. I' m at my grandfather' s funeral and I' ll say I like it, but to see there were, like, eight hundred and picky comments.

I' ve been trampled on three times, you know, I' m saying there' s no sorry button, either, because I like it, I' m sorry for comment, but there isn' t. There isn ' t. So I say come on it goes in a way of support

and as you say it, I like it as support. No, but it' s true that then I see it written and it puts Jorge sure likes your condition and already when I see the symbol, I say this is going to tick him off, I' m going to remove him, he ' s going to remove him before he sees him, and the only way to remove him was to put him no longer likes me and he already creates me a second dilemma, because I say if I give him there now, I don' t like him. The guy I' m gonna see reflected.

You can perfectly interpret that I' ve only enjoyed the news within five minutes. It' s not that either. But why do I get involved, why do I get involved in these things, and that' s because I like to give it helmet, you know I' ve got addicted to giving it I like to get fucked, I like it. I love the concept, I like it. I actually took the concept. I like real life. I like to get you likes in real life is much more satisfying.

You have to prove it. What I do I choose, for example, the car and I come to the center, not and I turn around as long as it takes until you shit. When I leave you shitting, I stay in the car and wait every time a car passes by and tells me songs, for me it' s a I like the other day a place that you shit like in twenty minutes, about seventy I like. It ' s an asshole' s comment. I don' t like that bastard ' s comment, I mean in 20 minutes you know it' s true

that I forced it a little bit. That' s right, I set him up a little bit because when he started going down, I put the backlights in to encourage a little bit more. But, well, I already have Facebook. At least I' m already a normal person, because before I mean, I made that Facebook because of social pressure because I didn' t have Facebook. I was happy, but people told me what your Facebook is and or I don' t have Facebook and you don' t have

Facebook. I can touch you and it was very uncomfortable for me. So I already said ah I' m going to do Facebook email and just like I have for a few months. You know, to disguise and be more integrated. When they ask me now you have Facebook, I say clearly not stop. But I got caught every day. I got caught because they told me you have Facebook and eight clear says what your Twitter is. I say shit ah shit. Ah because a little bit here unfair in life. Oh,

oh, shit here. I don' t have to get any validation from Facebook. I have to start a new zero subject for the same thing. But shit here. This is it already from the start. You have to learn too much English to use Twitter. It' s all in English. It was tweet Radwint reply from thirtying topicg hashtag. What the fuck is hashtag. Sounds funny in German. I don' t know what it is until, but everyone here uses Twitter or a single that creates me a complex

that you stay. If then I think about it and say clearly if it is normal that everyone here tells you Twitter with that ease, because everyone knows that in Spain English is no barrier to anyone. We know that. I ' m not saying the barrier doesn' t exist. I say who can ' t jump her naughtyly. It' s true. The level of English in Spain is quite high. If we let ourselves be trusted by the official data, that is, what everyone puts in their résumé. If we trust

those dants, the lowest level of English in Spain is advanced intermediate. There ' s no one under that you know less than that you don' t put anything, but know what you know you already put advanced intermediate. What do you know? I guess I' ll call you later, bye- bye That' s it. Hello, intermediate, because it' s advanced, it' s already in the middle, smiles. Everything you can is

already there and everyone gets in the car of the advanced intermission. I have a friend who is one of these advanced midwayers, but from the bottom of the board, i e, she has no fucking idea of English, but they ask her for perfect English for a job and they ask her for the resume in English and she' s sticking the blanket to her head, as she says of twel you have and she does and she tells me I can teach you before and I say please, and she shows me no and she

gave him Nain. Susana says well, we' re fine andres and she says boy Ling Albert fifty- two. I say this is Susana. Alberto tells me to cook fifty- two. It doesn' t translate the address. They' re not going to give you any more together for that and he says it' s been hard for me to find out about it all afternoon. But it' s just that, of course, English seemed more important to me when I was little, when I went through that time I

don' t know if we all went through that time. But for that reason, the typical time when I was convinced that I would become a rock and roll star, not a rock and roll star. No. Yes, it' s true that over time, as I made the decision of good, I say a rock and roll hi star, but in moderation. I didn' t want to become one more rock and roll victim, because then

what happens happens and I don' t get it. I was very struck by the case last summer of Amy Wayne Remember, Amy Winehouse' s case to Amalia VI Nacoteca, you remember that if you remember it was a chronicle of an announced death. I mean, people would go to the concerts to see if in that you know it was a thing already with a lot of morbid and such, but everyone expected it. But the reaction when he really died. It caught my attention because the general reaction was such a shame what

happened to this girl. And I say well, I don' t know. I don' t know how I know if you take another example maybe. Marisa Fernández, a regular woman who wakes up every morning at seven in the morning. She eats raw vegetables, runs for two hours, she doesn ' t smoke, she doesn' t smoke babies, she takes care that you shit one day, she leaves her house in the morning, gets run over by a crazy truck driver and kills her. You' re saying yes, that' s too bad. Marisa Fernández was working on it, she

was betting hard on life. But if you remember the case of Damy Winehous, it has nothing to do with Marisas Fernández. It is the pole opposed to Marisa Fernández when death went to look for Amy Winehouse. It' s because death already had about 15, 000 missed calls from Amy waine house and already showed up at her house told her what, and the other one died

of fright. That' s my version. In the end. I' m not the rock and roll star, but I don' t care because I' m funny and I like to be funny why, because I like to talk and it matches what I have to do and cool isn' t always like that. There goes we all know that there are jobs where someone has to talk doesn' t feel like it and that person has a bad time and those who have to listen to him, that he' s not

to blame for anything, not to say operator, cashiers. There are many examples, no, but the most violent example for me is airplane pilots. They' re the people who least want to talk to you about the world seriously. They pass you on to such a mess, such that they say that if you listen to the entire pilot' s spree, it takes five years of life expectancy because it takes it directly from your soul. No, I mean, it' s just horror if you' re in there quietly

on the ship and suddenly listen. Oh, you don' t know that commandos. We are soluating at an approximate height about twenty- six zero feet are from up pi down. It' s not that exact either, and the outside temperature is about eight as far as I know, at least twenty

- four hours. I don' t think you' ve earned it already, but I' m not excited about the opposite extreme either, people who like their voice so much that they fall in love with their voice by talking about the mic and in the end they end up doing something very empathetic. We' ve all heard those nocturnal radio shows, not from hi bimes to my little show how about telling me. Cositas say if you listen to those programs with earphones, you' ll get tarnished. I went inside, you

have to be careful. Then it' s hard to dry. Anyway, I really like to be funny, because it gives the opportunity to someone like me not because from time to time I can go down to the plain town and communicate with the plebe, with the mob, with you, not before I go back to my forest castle to eat a deer. That' s my Disney projection. It' s like I see some of myself according to Disney, and if there' s one thing I' d like to be

able to convey to you, it' s really not ever. Never hesitate to ask something you don' t know, because it' s the only way to learn not by asking. Sometimes he gives you a cut, sometimes he gives you a stick. You don' t have to ask if you don' t know, because it' s the only way to learn if, all of a sudden, you might ask something and it' s kind no, it' s just that I' m very spontaneous and you know of out of context and people look at you a little weird. You say

why that' s admitted. No, and if they say already, but it' s very spontaneous, but it just doesn' t make sense what you asked, you say it' s not that I think very fast. Then my mind piles up and I look like an asshole to you. That ' s it, that' s all right. Is that accepted? That ' s accepted, it' s okay, but seriously, don' t hesitate to ask anything. Not many people ask me hear in the spirits, whenever they manifest, they speak the language with the accent of the person who

is listening to them, for this I can answer. It' s not like that. It' s not like that. Although Nino has not been seen to say, I think he has said something in Polish. No, I mean, it' s never been seen. But I had the chance, when I changed my house, to live in a house that had Mexican spirits and you say Ajoona, I can' t tell you. I don ' t know how to tell you,' cause I came in at night, he would cover me like that with the blanket. She wouldn' t

snuggle and suddenly listen to the bottom of the hall. I heard Mom, you fucking asshole egg that I killed no more I didn' t just freak out no. In the end I would always get up to my raft and end up singing rancheras until eight in the morning. This really freaks me out. Don' t cut yourself when it comes to asking what you don' t know. Sometimes you can' t cut off the fact that an uncomfortable question appears whatever it is. Do the same. I then ask no.

The taints will sleep better on the side. I think and if so, which side, because maybe we' re taking it for granted, things that aren' t. I know what you' re thinking. I' d sleep on the side of the stump, too. I find it more comfortable and more practical. It' s a little noise today, too. You put the goat' s foot on your face. It' s okay. It' s okay. I have so many manly friends from here a very

strong kiss for everyone and a half hug and good to say goodbye. I ' ve always looked for a phrase that was a pass, no, but I' ve never found any that would come up with me. Then I have to go to the appointment. Don' t quote those people you admire and then I' ll go to. In conclusion, I would like to quote one of the great thinkers of our centuries need some pitis ramon Maybe he knew one or not there I go with a pitis ramon quote. It says where you' re going be careful it' s all right. I catch

dangerous people. Thank you, everyone, whatever they want isn' t there. I' d like to make another appointment one more. This time of a great philosopher of our time. I don' t know if anyone ever heard of the Jesse a girl who appeared on a show called Barrio Princesses. It was a reality show so I wouldn' t see it. It was a reality show where four chicks were followed by polygon chonis, not eye- catching girls. Towards the end and good was therefore the marten, the paky,

the rag and the jess. Not if you all notice the noble title in front of you to distinguish them from the rest of the mob. I fell in love with the Jesse. I fell in love with the Jesse because she was very spontaneous. She was one of those with a lot of ideas on her head and then dropped a lot of jewelry, girls wisdom jewelry throughout the program. But there' s one in particular that I loved, that was in a chapter where the Jesi and her friend don' t know what

they' re getting out of work. All seen throw away the work and are at the door of work, speaking ill of the workers, of the boss of everything and every time warming up more until in the end super outraged. Jesse tells her friend she' s telling her Let' s go She ' s a gerund. You have to love Jessica. I want my epitaph to piss that it' s gerund to throw away the rock and honor the Jesse. The truth is, I loved it, and I had the best

of luck. I had the great luck that, after having watched the whole series and having met and soaked myself watching and all the princesses of the neighborhood, I managed to meet one live, but not one of the series, but an authentic street one. Susi hers I fell in love right away. As soon as she met her, she left her boyfriend and the typical courtesy question and how you carry it and tells me there are many birds in the sea, I say they are called seagulls. No. You change the subject

and I say good. Don' t worry. Tonight we go out like this, have a few drinks and forget the sorrows. No, and this on Facebook tells me no. No. I' m not going out tonight and I' m saying why. He tells me because I want to make a radical change. I need to take a three- hundred- sixty- degree turn. Of course, and if you tell someone in person, you say it' s a lapsus. But another thing is to think about it, write it, read it and say ok send because it is three filters.

It' s three then, of course, I don' t know how to take it. I take it with a cheating comment I say uff I don' t know where I' m going to go. I' m a wild card guy. I' m saying I' ve dropped the connection and it' s been a while since I said it, because that ' s it. I' ve got the connection, I don' t answer it, but I' ll meet her that very night and I' ll tell you, man, she finally came out and said no, no,

but I' m going home now. I tell him but, and that tells me because I already commented on Facebook and I shaking that I needed a radical change and mmmm, that I needed to take a three hundred and sixty degrees turn and regret it again. Fourth filter and you know this feeling when you' re messing with someone until you realize it' s a bit

late and it gives you a bunch of stick. You know, I mean, he' s either got or he' s got, like an Argentine friend of mine says, he' s either missing players on the court or no one' s driving those things, or nobody' s ever told him, so I say he' s going to take a good roll and I say I' m going to explain it to him for the best, nobody ' s ever told him, and I' m telling him you' ve realized that if you' re here and you' re running a three-

so radical, because you basically end up at the same point. No, sixty- degree turn, that change you expect isn' t going to be and maybe what you meant right from the start was I want to take a turn of 180 degrees. One hundred and eighty degrees And he tells me, because you won' t believe it, but I was about to put one hundred and eighty but it seemed little to me. Thank you.

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