Comedy Central Podcast. Don' t be false. I know we' re all bound here today. Not so do it right and nothing' s gonna happen to you. Otherwise, I' m naked and I' ll tell you the afternoon. I' ll leave the bag here in case there are Romanians in the room. I used to be Romanian, but I took off. Now I' m a person and why I tell you to treat me well, because I' m no longer human, but my cousins are still human then it' s not for threatening, it' s just to speed
up a bit. This you know the eggs of being human. I swear to you, the questions people were asking me all the time and what is the typical food of your country. I' m saying I didn' t hear Bian saying that when the hunger games came out in your country, it was a documentary in Romania. When fruit found the year. I' ve been pawning it like this all the time for 20 fucking years. You understand why I want to be Spanish, this in your country. If you haven
' t stolen from me, I say we' re that selective. We didn' t steal from Asshole. Please, it' s more, it ' s more. You owe me one so you wouldn' t have to move. Dine me to steal you, you here. I used to be a mangatist, mangat and deny it, but you egg it. I' m going for grandviel the first thing I see mango. I mean, they
' re screaming at her pussy and people are proud to have stolen. Yeah, ' cause I' m good at you guys don' t look rajo and she could have the pussy craving you' re being told steals up to four hundred euros. It' s called theft, because nothing, because you have a lot of anxiety. Four hundred euros I stole a day, but no longer. I' m a person now, but I have Romanian sequels left. Uh, for example, when I stepped on this instead of focusing
on you guys, it was who the fuck messed up this stage. They take me to five- star hotels and I no longer get the shampoo, but the artichoke shower caeh hahahahahahahahahahahaha. You' re telling me. You' re your expressions that already taught me. The monkey gets dressed as a cada mona doesn' t stay, but I have an excuse. At least I was poor, little dieres, I was more pussy than ever, and when I made him, I was poor too, not me anymore. My brothers
and I washed our teeth with the same brush. Now we have the same cavities as you gave me for remigration, because here I learned that the pads for the rule are not reversible. But when you turn it around, you save yourself the waxing, ha ha ha ha ha. I' m fine, I' m going through a transition. I feel very identified with transy people not because I was born in Transylvania, it' s because I feel very Spanish. I' m a Spaniard in Romanian' s body and I
' m acting like one. I' ve been hanging out with you lately. I do things like I stay at ten with a friend and I get to prays and a half is a joke. I' ll stay at ten for coffee and have two bermuts. I speak in pesetas now. I made a friend, but you were here when the pesetas said no, but you don' t speak English and say you' re a male and I do that as thank God. It' s a couple is that the fuck of this is that I don' t know if you like me or it'
s out of fear or because these people have forced you. So it' s not a reference, you know, so maybe I' m equally undressed by the no. But I do things like you, I say, oh, see if we can see each other tomorrow. I' ll call you and donkey his number. I bought a second house in town and says my mother and the first one where you have it. I don' t have it. Now I' m going on a romantic scene with my husband,
a restaurant and a terrepent and I' m starting to talk. That' s why he screams no Spanish screams, oh hahahaha, and you' re also giving me too much wine that has to suck you, the boss brings another one. I do real things. I' m seriously thinking about voting for Vox. What happens is that my friends say, but they' re going to throw your family out and I say look at me saving Sunday lunches. I have nothing against foreigners to me if they come to work. I
' ve learned your expressions, but it cost me fuckers today. You use the same word for everything a friend of mine tells me, take off my thorns. Now he' s on crutches. It' s just that you mistook me for you and asked my husband for his mouth. I say" tate" with a song in my teeth and they call me Bianca auntie you have a lot of cresivity contained. I say content is not. I'
m not okay. This fucking transition process is taking a long time for nationality to be given to me for a year and a half and, like the people after, there is no turning back to get Spanish nationality. I have to give up the Romanians'. I mean, you see what the problem is. I go to my country' s TV and I was very, very happy and I started the performance and I said I' m really excited to be here tonight. My grandmother told me I' m not going to
die quietly until you act on Romanian TV. Grandma, you can do this. Have a favor. He got angry, but the thing is, he died quietly. Really. People have been angry at this performance. Comedians think we' re gonna do something funny and suddenly you get a lot of stuff. It' s like how lucky people like you don' t want to reproduce? Yo, what bad luck people like you don' t know what suicide was? Don' t even think about going back to this quiet country.
I didn' t think of it. If, in addition, right now, humans are migrating to Ukraine to occupy houses that are free, I don' t care. Everyone won' t like it See how far my ego goes I talk to myself and I talk about myself. I' m in an argument and I say it' s not me, it' s you, but at least I can tell you know, I' m fine, even if you think I' m not. I don' t know how those people who pretend to be happy all the time aren' t a
little out of it. I, since I have used reason, have made it quite clear to me that the secret of happiness is not to be born. People are looking for constant happiness, it' s like you' re looking for the eternal coke stripe. I think you have to learn from the pigs are very happy in their shit. In fact, I' ve already got the idea. Four good things happen to me. I mean the fifth.
You' ll see the shit that gives me life. I see it coming and I take advantage of everything, for example, when I have been cut off, because thanks to that I learned to connect to a lamppost. A junkie for a junkie. Accidents are super important and so it has material is that it seems that they are all complaints. A building collapses. Uh, what a problem that creates work for truckers who collect debris. It says
already Bianca dead two elders. You know what it' s worth to keep a truck, plus the honesty of leaving when you get the pussy that not everyone knows how to leave. Hey, I' m a hair beetle.
I take the shit. They tell me you trust your husband. I trust that if you can and I don' t find out, you' re cheating on me, it' s trust, no, but if I don ' t find out, uh, because I, on the day of the wedding, the only thing I thought of telling you was to treat me well, or I' ll sleep with your father and end up calling me Mom. I' m fine, what happens that three years ago many loved ones and my family started to die and there was a moment that I did stay
a bit like that. But of course, in these almost three years, curiously I have become increasingly known, that is, they are dying and I fulfill my goals and I say, it is clear that God wants a deal with me. It seems to me very good that they sacrifice themselves for my own sake I can have them die, because of course I doubt my representative had just sent me a message that I was proposed for a small and clear
job. My mother came to visit me and eating the bon, said she swallowed it, and I was, like, a few seconds doubting you. I say the safe, I don' t save her, I say I ' ll save her. It' s my mom I' m gonna save it for a better project. Or else, of course. Now I' m very much in those, I' m very focused. That' s my life project. I mean with abortions it' s worth or santiabortist destiny maybe. He doesn' t consider them people. I also thought I'
d get into a hospital. You know how to make monologues. If I catch them, honey, I' ve got a tail. Or I' m on the side of a cemetery now and I' m telling you how many untapped projects. You know, I' m fine less. This summer I was in August in the Canary Islands. Guys, don' t know what the fuck I left. I started bleeding in a very rare way and I started worrying, obviously, and what they tell you first, don' t look at Google. They don' t tell you that, don'
t Google. You do the first thing you look at on Google. It was either pregnancy or cancer. And I say fuck, I don' t know which of the two things suits me. Well, one of the two options leaves you lifeless, but cancer can kill you, too. I didn ' t spend two days like that, two years changing diapers, those six months of chemo. I didn' t know what to choose. And I finally got to Madrid and went, obviously, I went to the hospital and well, after a lot of tests, I don' t know what.
I don' t know how much a doctor came out and tells me bion ca codas I say yes, yes. It' s me you' re talking about at the comedy club. I saw you at the theater. I say yes, and it says well, because here' s your analysis. I say mono DOCTOR, whatever it is, I' d like to know the truth. He liked my monologue. I' m preoccupied with my career and now that my mother already understands it, because this summer, when she came, I tell her to get dressed shower that at nine I have to
be at the club. I knew you worked at a club. I say no mom, that in this club men come with their women. You already say what you have to do there. He gave them nothing to entertain Notice that they come to vent and see a happy ending and he says how much kiddo. When I thought I was gonna die. By the way, don they pay the entrance and I say twenty- two euros. Says shit, ' t be worried. When I talk about cancer, I see you hunt worried faces. My friend, the one with cancer, is more excited than
you. I really have a friend and with the ninth operation I already called him for his birthday and said no no no how it goes. You' ve been called a lot of people. Yeah, yeah, I' ve been loved by a lot of people, but no one' s ever told me to do much more. I was so worried about how much when I thought I was going to die. I was worried about my little cat dinner, I named them warriors and they got scared with a fly. I feel like a mother of this one who thought her son was going to be a
lawyer and she' s already out drug addicted. Seeing I love my cats and I don' t trust anyone to take care of them later. Good, ' cause there' s my neighbor. Every time I pass with the sand bag into the trash. Two cats don' t just eat shit and sleep I say like your son, the forty- year- old says my son, at least he gives me conversation. I say that' s what
saves me. I know and I also know that my husband' s bastard is not going to take good care of cats, because one of the jackasses is going to make a big noise and I say uncle, why don' t you clean up and come and eat the other one. We' re underestimating cats. You know they remove negativity from the house or they don' t remove negativity. He sits on the site with more negativity. Friend taxena,
sit here always to see I was. You know that in every gym you enter there is a machine that measures your fat you weigh more unnecessary things. I take out the paper at the end. Sure I say, come on, let' s measure the fat and all this shit for something. I pay for the gym and take out the paper and put metabolic sixty- two years and I what the fuck is that I say, thirty- nine is the new sixty- two. You know why if I didn' t
explain before the machines treated you well, not his tobacco. Please, now the door I don' t know what and now it' s calling me old and also what euphemism that metabolic age is. It' s like I ' m sleeping with a guy and telling him the molecules in your penis are so tiny. The place to say short pizza, it could also be something small, wow, something because you have to work is worth. You didn
' t come here just for this we' ll see. You' re going to have to do one thing that' s vigo, that' s it, you have to do one thing that' s very simple, but don' t stop, even if I stop I can stop. Not you but this can also go up and nothing happens. You guys have to do it. Pam? Pam? Pam? Pam? Pam? Pam? It ' s like Tun Compan, A Tun Compan, you' re able to make a minute. That trusts you. Hey, don' t see the assholes from another bowling alley. You know come play, study your fucking language.
Now it' s your turn to do this Okay, because I' ve prepared a song so they don' t say I' m not a full artist. Okay, people go and sing it in shows. I mean, it' s okay with me, too, so you guys are making a company, but no higher. That I' m worth it, whether it' s understood or not. That' s it Don' t stop until I say it' s okay. I' ve got another one in my bag for real, that' s right, one, two, three.
I' m forced to sing this song and I know that at such a level I look like a douche bag to you, but I want you to know that it cures me a lot. You may think I need a script, but just with my cool accent Mogollón making a fool of me didn ' t fit into my plans, but it was either that or handing out hosts like breads applauding me for a minute. If I don' t electrocute you, let' s go. Thank you very much, thank you very much, thank you very little, very little,