[IN]Secure (feat. Olivia Simmons)

Hey, y'all, welcome back to copy with This is the kickoff of season two and we are coming out the gates strong, y'all. So today's topic is insecure, and I want to talk about the pathway from insecure to I'm secure. So for first time listeners, I want to let everybody know that Coffee with Courtney is a complete safe space but we talk about a lot of sensitive topics with zero present judgment. We laugh, we cry, we laugh and cry at the same time, we get mad, We do

Amen.

So, y'all, I have a really really, really really special guest in the studio with me today, And to be quite honest, I don't even know how long we've known each other. I can't remember. I don't even think it's really been a whole year yet. I'm just totally not sure. But what I do know is, y'all, the moment I encountered this young lady, like our spirits connected instantly, instantly, and she's probably learning this for the first time today

Okay, hey, everybody, I'm Olivia, affectionately known as Libby or Live. However, I respond to everyone, and like Corny said, it has not been a whole year. We connected through the comments in FCC and it's just like.

Shout out to shout out to pastor Marcotia.

And it's like instantaneously and I do not do that, Like it's still connect with people because I'm personal. I'm a person that I sit back and I observe how that person is, like they're characteristics and all that.

And I was, but you it was kind of like, I mean, yeah.

So, but like Courtney said, I am an author of Eight Minutes with God. I am about to release my second book, yes hopefully by the end of August September, which is entitled My Sister's Keeper, The Joy of the Journey, and which is a it'smin look of my sister's life and also my life since she passed. Uh yeah, it's I'm going to I'm sharing a lot.

Yeah.

The first half of the book is her life. I guess through my lens through her, and the last chapter of about her, I.

Take you through the day that she had she died. I take you through every single moment of that day.

I share her childhood, I talk about her son Ethan, I talk about the love of her life, will, I talk about family, and then like after she passes, the next phase of the book is how my life has been said she has passed.

Yeah, I cannot wait. Yeah, it's going to be the first.

Thank you, and I guess it's hard.

It's not hard, but it's still kind of new for me to say I'm gonna influence Cerver because that yes, you are. It has been like bye, I don't want to say accident, but it was truly God ordained. And yeah, I love God, I love people, I love CLO.

That's just me. I'm just me.

I don't fate the phone. What you get through the comments and on Facebook, that's me.

So amen.

Yeah, well, y'all, thank you so much, sister. Y'all, I'm serious. She really came from North Carolina and stayed over an extra day to be with me, so I don't take that lightly. I'm so honored that you're here. And y'all, we're gonna go hang into this topic. So again we're talking about insecurities. Today, we're talking about just just being insecure and what that looks like. And so I want to define the word before we really jump off into it.

It's me.

I'm her. Just look by insecure and it's my whole picture. So I just want to talk about, you know, what that looks like, because I know it looks different for different people, and so I know what it looks like for me and what it looked like in the past

Okay we about to get really real.

Okay, So my whole life, I was so insecure of myself. Like if you look at me now, you're like, oh, this girl, she's so sure of herself and so confidence girl.

I went a period up until three years ago. Two three years ago.

Yeah, and I think it took me walking through that phase with going through cyberbullying. I went through cyberbility back at twenty two. So but up until then, I was a person that was insecure who I was. I hid behind the big clothes, I hid behind I was like a person in the background.

I was like, I didn't want to be seen or anything like that.

I was insecure who I was because I was looking at that hour appearance and I was not looking at who Olivia was. Olivia was until Jesus had to sit me down and say, look, you are fifthly and wonderfully made in my sight. And when I made you, I made you in my image. So God had to like really just have like a come to Jesus meeting with me seriously, and look, I know y'all were audio only, so y'all don't get to see, but let me tell y'all something like, and y'all will see her on the fire.

I'm pretty sure y'all have seen her on the fly.

But now this is.

A beautiful one. Man.

Let me tell y'all something.

This is a beautiful seriously says you are one of the most beautiful women that I have ever met in my life. That's both inside and out. This is a beautiful woman, y'all. And you said something that you know, I really just kind of want to put a in this like parents and people in general. You mentioned that you went through cyber bullying, yes, within the past couple of years, within the last year within the last year, y'all.

It's crazy.

And like when I went through that cybability, it took me back to my high school days when I was actually like bullied for how I look. I'm not going to get emotions today. I feel it coming because it took me back to a place and I was just like, how dare you try to bully me? And you're in the same predicament as I am. But I realized that people use social media to hide behind they can use

Place I was just like, oh my god, here I am again.

But I was so grateful that I had people in my circle to uplift me and to you know, say no, you're not going to go back to that place.

You're not the same person.

And then I had to like, you know, get like a batbone and say like, you're not gonna come for me, even though I have people in my life you're not talking about, like Peters that would like.

Go in like me, got it, okay.

It's just like God was like, no, I need for you to stand back, and I was just like okay, Jesus, and I was like God, I said, these people don't even know me. I said, why they just tear me down. And God had to remind me like I was in the midst and they still did me the same way. So I had to like let God vindicate me, and he really did.

So that's beautiful. And I'm telling you, I know I'm probably going to say it a million times in this episode, but you are so beautiful.

You really are.

You really are. And so one of the things that I'm learning and I have learned, is that the enemy will try to attack your mind. Yeah yeah, and the enemy will try to play on your own insecurities, like you could be feeling a way and I remember times in my life where really nobody was saying anything, but I felt a way kind of already about myself, and so nobody was saying anything at the moment. But because

You the festival preach about that. Yesterday he talked about the sketch about like the being the father of lies.

So you like, and I miss because I've been out of time to run all over. But seriously, though, a lot of the stuff that he feeds up, because again, like I look at you, and I see the prettiest.

One I've ever seen.

But I can only imagine some of the things that has been said by people and by the by the enemy. And of course you know, we know he uses people, so by him and his little minions, that's what I call him, to try to tear you down and make me feel the way, when in fact it really.

Is all lies because you are one.

Of the most beautiful people.

You know, kind you.

Really really are like and you know, we say things all the time to uplift each other, but you know it's true, Like this is me coming from the most genuine place I could find in my heart. Like I'm not just saying it, I am. You know, I'm saying it because that's how I see you, Like, I really think that. So to think that, you know, people are out here saying the opposite, like you said, when they

They don't like themselves the truth. That's what I found out.

They don't like themselves. But I want to like, you know,

Yeah, today, we can fix it.

You know what I'm saying. Let's talk about what it is that you don't like about yourself, you know, as that would cause you to last shout or try to tear somebody else.

Yeah, like, we can really fix it if we try. That's the part. If we try.

If we try, if you want to fix it, it can definitely be fixed. So you know, even with all the cyber bullying, Like what did that look like for you in terms of like how do how did you you know, navigate through it all while maintaining your sanity Like cause that to me that sounds like a lot like when people are picking on you, you don't even know these people. It's like I would probably have been in a corner somewhere.

Like I really did like retreat a little bit to like a shell, and like I had, like I said, like I told you before, like Peter's they would fight for me. But I had to like gather myself together and like really pray and just really reflect back on like, Okay, this is who God made you to be, Liby, Like don't don't go back into that for myself.

Like I bought you, I always did not go back to how you used to be. So there's like a lot of prayer, coordiny and just really just remember who I am.

So yeah, and I think the more that people try to bully me, I think the more that God was like can be confidence like look you're gonna shine through yeah yeah.

And you're shining, like you're shining. And what did it look like in terms of I know, you said you kind of retreated a little bit. But you know, one of the things that I that I dealt with during my moments of insecurity is having to still function and play every day and play like I'm okay in the midst of really my heart yeah inside, So like, did you ever feel like you were having the pain and smile on your face?

I did? I did. I did.

I felt like I still had to. But I think that I was like, Okay, Libby, you still got their courage, you still have to do this. But I was still like, but I was encourage of people. I was like, excuse me, I was being the first partaker of whatever I posted.

Is like yes, And it's always like that, whatever I post, I've always the first first. That's how I feel. I'm always the first time a lot of times.

When God will give me something, yeah, it hits me first, home first, and then other people are saying, oh my god, girl, that was for me, and I'd be wanting to say so bad, No, you really don't know that really for me. But I'm glad that it helped you. I'm glad it helped somebody else, but it was really for me.

Yeah.

I think it's also good, like they have a safe space with people, but you could just like be yourself and just like this is what I'm going through. This is like like let me just like let it out and then like go back it's okay.

Yeah.

So yeah, And one thing that I'm learning, like I have just you know, in my in the most recent years, I've really tried to be a transparent person, and I've tried to share like my heart and what was going on and things that I was going through. But one thing that I've learned, probably here recently, is that sometimes transparency can bite you. It can bite you a little bit, yes, because sometimes we are transparent within the enemy nose, we're

Will play on your vulnerability.

So you know, for me, even past, some of my insecurities were in places where I feel like I'm more secure. Sometimes those little seeds will still, you know and try to like knock me off my seat. And you know, that's kind of been difficult for me to navigate because the feeling of insecurity. It's really I felt a lot of things in my life, but insecurity, like that's one of the worst feelings that anybody could ever feel. In my opinion, Yeah, you're unsure, you don't feel confident in Yeah,

I hate but that's what I think when faith has to kick Yeah, and I just want to just pick it back. What you was just about like being transparent, Like with the book, when I say I was transparent, I was just like, Lord, why have I shared all of this with everybody? Because, like you see, being like

To like place it under the blood.

So it's like, because when you get that vulnerable space, like whatever something is said to you, it could just it might take you back it's how you used to be, or put you in another place that you may not cap ounce back.

Heavy.

Yes, you know what. This is the first time I'm ever sharing this, So y'all get a little exclusive clip because I'm having a conversation with my sister.

But I'm actually writing a book. Yes I am.

Yes, I'm writing a book and it's a memoir. Okay, it's about my life. And when I tell you that, thing gets heavy, so I know exactly what you mean. It gets heavy and I have to walk away sometimes I can't wait.

Yes, lord, I have to walk away because it takes me back.

You when you're writing like that and you're sharing in that space of transparency and gonna building, it takes you back to write. But what I will say is this, writing my story has been one of the most liberating things I have ever done. It has it's bringing me I'm gonna say it brought It's still right now bringing healing to me in places that I never realized I was still wounded and I wasn't really healed. So I get it, girl, I get it.

Yeah, you have to go life for being heel Yes, yeah, yeah, yes, yes, so.

Yeah, it's it's been a journey and it's taken me a while because, like I said, you hit these certain portions you're like this is this is heavy and I can't I don't want to look at it right like, I don't. I don't want to. I don't want to relive this right now. But you have to because it's a part of the story.

Like you just don't know who's on the other side. Yes, yeah, so who's on the other side of your story exactly?

So that that's what keeps me writing, That's what keeps me sharing because you just never know you know who needs And that's what God told me when he initially told me to start writing. It was.

Four years ago.

Yeah, it was about four years ago, and he told me, you're gonna write it, You're gonna tell it. And I'm like, I don't want to tell it. He said, I know you don't want to tell it. I want you to tell it. Yes, anyway, back to the subject, I just had to insert that because I know exactly how you feel in writing, like you just it's it's that moment of wow, like this is this is my life and this is what happened. Then you have to go back to that place and it's scary too, It's really scary.

Do I really want to share this? Okay? You feel like you're like reliving it. You don't want to. You don't want to don't want to it.

You don't want to relive those moments, you know, And then that's a good moment too though, you know that you you can reflect, Yeah, you can think on a good time. Yes, you know that helps too when you think about the good. But I think probably one of the biggest things for me is just realizing coming back to the reality that.

I survived that part. I'm still here, that I didn't die.

So, you know, as scary as it is, you know, God sends that reassuring like, hey, you're writing the story. Nobody else is writing my book. I'm writing my own story. I'm writing my story. Yeah, it's not a biography, it's like an autobiography. I get to write it. I get to tell y'all what happened to me and nobody else. So it's like, you know, that's the part that just really I guess strengthens me. Sometimes it re encourages me

Yeah.

One of the recently, one of the things that I've personally struggled with as far as insecurities is my my role with what I do at church.

Ain't that crazy? Love, because I went through something. Keep talking, Ain't that crazy?

And so I say all the time, like I work at a law firm. I don't know if you knew that. I've been there for seven years now. I teach college. I've been doing that for three years now, and I'm very secure with both of those. I'm secure. I know how to teach statistics because that's what I went to school for. I know how to teach research methods because that's what I went to school for. I know how

Of that, yeah, that's scary. That's scary to me.

And I found myself in this place when even Pastor had asked me to speak at his one of the events, and I was like, speak to.

Him about what what I'm supposed to say.

And so I struggled for a while with just I don't know, feeling like uncertainty, like you know, and so that that piece of insecurity for me wasn't necessary, It wasn't physical, you know, it had nothing to do with my appearance, but just you know, internally I was struggling with insecurity, just feeling like, to be honest, that I wasn't good enough, that I didn't deserve to be in that space because I just I don't even know how I ended up here, you know, I just I did

Just use what you got.

Don't try to be like her, don't try to be like him, don't try to be like this one. Don't try to, you know, make yourself into something you're not. One of the best things about you, Courtney is that what you see is what you get. You're just you take that and use it. And so that's ultimately what I ended up having to do, and I did it. But it's just like you know that insecurity, Yes it is.

It is. Yeah, Like when you were just talking, my mind went back to something I just oh, steady walking out of it where you talked about like being insecure, who you are and what God has called you to do.

Like I just went through that. This is twenty three twenty one.

We went through some things like you know, ministreet wise and what have you. And I found myself with the new people coming into my life. They make sure I get into my life to help me be better. But the way it was done like it threw me off, like, oh but I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do, so it made me feel like I was insecure.

It look call it upbut my life it's secure. And making sure that I lined up with what a vision and what have you? And I felt insecured by these new people that were coming in here.

I'm just like, oh, so I guess I'm not good enough, like seriously, and so I had to like.

Build my confidence back up and who I was in the call upon my life. So I get it.

And it's just like, well, maybe I'm not good enough, maybe this is not what I was supposed to do, but we know who you are and we know what God has caused you to do. You cannot allow anybody or anything to, you know, lock you off your feet, because you know who you are.

You know who you are and let's not.

Be a secure like you're called upon your life being secure and who you are in the Keydom of God.

Just be a secure period. And I just got back to that place, maybe like six months or so ago. Wow.

Yeah, and I'm you know, and I'm journeying, and I one thing about it is and I just love God. I thank God. He's such a He's a strategic Yeah, he's he's a brilliant guy, and he knows just how to put things together and how to make things flow. And I'm so thankful that he doesn't put more on us than we can bear. You know, at one time we say that all the time, but like I really experienced it, he doesn't put more on you than you

Mess to Moronda, don't say your prayers one day, Yeah, by your whole day be thrown off.

Don't say your.

Prayers one day, like and it's just it's crazy. And then you know, sometimes I know one of my biggest problems, So I'm very intentional now about not doing that. But one of my biggest problems is being too busy. I'm too busy. Oh I gotta do this, I gotta do that, I gotta do it, And before you know it, you ain't talk to God in five days.

Girl, I'm guilty.

You be busy with work, you be busy with this, You be busy with that and before where you know it, you ain't talk to God if I didn't watch this though you're still going to church, still, you're still doing all this stuff, but you ain't talk to God in five days. You just going through the motions and you ain't talk to God in five whole days.

Yeah, Like you feel like all of a sudden, like everything just started crashing it. It's like God is like, I'll try to get you at try to talk to you. So you have to like go into like a a sabbatica.

Like I had to do that, like.

Last week, I had to like take myself away, yes, for social media, because God was like, Sis, daughter, I'm trying to talk to you, yeah, and you're not listening.

So yeah, I had God had to like shut me down, I said, my little coller and I was like, okay, Yeah.

I went on a consecration. I don't even remember what. It was, probably about a month or so ago, and Sis, it was the best time. It was the best time just to spend with God. Yes, like to just bask in just his presence for him to to just be right there with you. And so what I would do was I had no phone whatsoever. I had no social media, and I would just I would still go to work. So I would go to work. But when I tell you, like,

So yeah, it's just a beautiful It's a beautiful.

And even then, you know, like he spoke to those low places, those dry places, and it's like he filled me up again and it made me feel like God will make you feel like you could do anything work and you can with him. But he is such a gentleman, like he would just like feel you up and just make you feel like you could just fly want it too.

He is like the master encourage.

Yeah, he was just to hear him so clearly, like whoa. And it's like they have like a notebook and I'm like, okay, what'd you say? You like, write it down because I don't want to forget, like if I had to go back and like and read it.

So yeah, I did.

I did some journal in that week two. I did some journaling, and you know, just like I said, the things that I learned, it was just it was just amazing. But anyway, I went through a whole spiel and hopped off of my question. But my question to you was about to be before I just took it and ran with it, Like what's your advice to people who or even people like me or just people in general who

I don't know about us like a frouveler firste. But I just reflect about how I used to be, how far God has brought me. And then I also look at the promises for my life, like your word said, the promises for my life are yes and a man. If you said it, Father, therefore it shall come the past.

So it's just like.

Loer who you are, like Loyd, that you a God's child, Like kay, nobody take.

That away, nobody for you? What the words the people say, what they do, they lot take that old way for you.

I just want to say, maybe just your faith, ay God, it just louis who you are and Lord what God says about you?

And you know in order to do that, and I tell people all the time, you know, I know, we get here's that word again, too busy, But really to piggyback off of what you said, and my advice would be too. In order to know who you are, or to remember who you are, you got to get in His word and because you'll find yourself in the Word and you'll find how He feels about you in the word. So it's like you know what I do because I tell people all the time. Baby, let me tell you something.

Jesus.

Well, they'd be like, where that's saying. I don't know. I'm gonna have to look it up. But anyway, what I was saying was, I mean Google and stuff.

I do my best.

I just say, like certain stuff of the scripture, like did our google it? And the Lord, thank you Lord for Google. Jesus, we want to say thank you for Google.

Yeah, but seriously if you're not, because you know, I have all kinds of listeners, so I don't know if people are. You know, you might not go to church, or you might not know the Bible like that. Listen, pick up Google and say hey Google as Siri if you have to, what does the Lord say about this?

Or you know.

I I google a lot like encouraging uplifting scriptures. I literally just type in encouraging scriptures and all these scriptures will will will populate. But to me, that's how I personally remind myself of what God says about me. And when you do that and you constantly I tell people all the time, whatever you feed the most, that's what's gonna grow.

Right.

So going back to when you were talking about how you were encountering cyber bullion, like just imagine, had had you not locked into God, or had you not locked into your circle of people that loved you and was telling you and what's countering what was going on online? Imagine if you only saw the attack. Yeah, yeah, your insecurities, it would have literally grown to a point that only God knows what what could have happened, you know what

They do they do to level whatever counter or something like that, or like oh I will cut back, I go clap back. So like the Lord has given me like a new way of like lower how to clap back but respect respectfully.

Yeah, I tell people all the time, baby, you ain't got to cuss nobody out to get you ain't got to cut somebody out to get them together. Honey, I will read you your rights and will not even and won't even really raise my voice. Yeah, you know, it's a respect thing. You know, you we got to learn how to better be respectful toward one another. But yeah, so it's like it for as for as many of the attacks that you got online, you have to then read or study or have the counter the opposite fed

That's how you're able to overcome all the negativity.

So yeah, it's a journey.

It is.

It's a journey, and it's a daily journey. Like I said, it's not something that you just go from and then it's like oh, okay, well I'm here now I'm good.

No, you you have to always study.

You have to always remind yourself and be reminded of how God sees you and then too how you see you.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, because like Curtly, you start looking at the mirr little makeup this his bare face. I'm like, girl, you are fine, fine, yes, beautiful, Yes, Like I have to tell myself that like every day you like, without the makeup, without the clothes, like this is who God bade you to be.

This girl sometimes like I don't have nothing on, I don't wear makeup. But one of my biggest insecurities physical wile that has always been my hair.

I hated my hair. I hated it. I hated it.

God has just now this within the last year, just now, I've been able to take the wig off or take the weave out and look at myself and.

Say, girl, are you cute?

I look at myself now, I'd be like, are you all right?

Yeah? Cute.

But for the longest time, I just I didn't think that I was pretty without it, well yeah, without it, Yeah I didn't. I posted a picture not too long ago about I don't know if you saw, but it was about I didn't have a filter. Yes, for the longest time, you know, I thought that my regular pictures were not And it wasn't that I didn't like myself, because I think I would like to think I'm a very secure person now, But it was just that I thought it was prettier with the filter, and so somebody

Sometimes I feel you coy because last week I posted the process us to be get my hair done, and it's like I started with like the struggle is real, like the hair, like I let you see my beautith. My best friend hay Diane how she was like cover my hair and I said, the struggle is real. So with Facebook, like whatever, you I don't know. I guess

Like this is who you are. So I was just like, Okay, Jesus, I'm gonna let them see the nappy hair.

But we're in that social media era and that plays into that too. God rest that beautiful woman's soul that just lost her life not too long ago, going under the night. Yeah you know what I'm saying. But that's the era of social media. They push us to feel like you gotta be this, you gotta be that.

Yeah. I don't want to be none of that sea.

I just want to know. And so if that means that I got to take off the filter more, guess what. I'm gonna take off the filter more. If I got a cringe to do it, I'm just gonna cramish to do it because I don't want to hide, you know, behind. I don't want my security to come from a filter. Yeah, I don't want my security to come from my wig. Yeah, I don't want my security to come from a beat face makeup. I don't want my security to come from that.

In my natural, regular, regular, regular self.

Yeah, it's when you was just talking, I was just thinking about how, like I start off as a very ka consultant and if I think or my tag like whatever it was was like lovingless skin that you're in, like loving yourself for the inside out. And so when I transition from mary Kay to the influencer, I kept that because I want people, whatever you laying of my page, whatever whatever it was, to Facebook for Instagram, I want

Whatever, Because say, I've been struggling with these dark circles in my eyes because I don't get rid of but you know what I've been That's another thing, like we put so much into trying to cover up. Why not take some time to try to work on whatever it is that makes you insecure. So one thing is, even though I don't wear makeup, I hate the circles under my eyes. So I actually been into skincare like, and I've been working on my natural self. If you don't

I'm okay with you.

Listen, y'all gonna get these little these little love hand los.

I got get all of this, all of this, okay. And if you don't like it, oh, well yeah I like it.

Yeah, And I'm okay with so yeah, well, since I have just had the most phenomenal time I have had. This was since I hope you'll come back.

I want to come back. I really hope you'll come Thank you for having me, Like, well, you invited me.

I was like, wow, glad you're here. I'm so glad you're here, and I'm thankful and thank you for sharing. Thank you for your transparency and your honesty. I appreciate you. Tell the people how they can find you on social media.

Okay, you met Instagram and I the score dst score Olivia Simmons.

Uh, yeah, that's my baby.

You can also find it at Olivia Simmons on Facebook and also eight Minutes with God that's or Instagram as well.

So yeah, y'all go follow. My sister were waiting on that book.

I'm ready for it to be released. I was like, Lord, yeah, so I'm in little editing stages.

So yeah, we're waiting on that book. That's gonna be good. Eight minutes with guys good. I got a personalized college I vi IP, I got my own. But y'all go buy it. Y'all go buy it, and we're waiting on We'll wait on the next one. Thank you again. Since y'all have thank y'all for joining in on episode one of season two. We got a really really really good season talking about some some really good, interesting topics that I just feel like need to be discussed, so y'all

Bye,