The Janelis J Show Presents: Janelis is back! (Episode 1)

was it going to be a surprise. I got falafel instead. Okay, Well, I have a chickpen allergy, I can't eaven and I don't like falafel, all right, so just put him in the break room. Just no, just throw it out, throw it, throw it out the window, throw it out in the corner, in the garbage can throw that food out in the garbage now. But that just seems wasteful. Why don't I just leave it on the break room? You know what waste is your behavior? My time? Okay, I'll throw it out.

Have a red Bull cool down down. I can't drink that. I can't sleep at night after working. What are you talking about? That's not what red Bull does. Why don't you drink Athletic Greens anymore? Because when I doubled up that one time day, we were naked. We were naked and I were the floating. Yeah. Um, it just really did a number on my digestive system. Okay, hey, can I say something t M. I thank you, Jesus. I'm sorry about this one. You know what, I see this

one from on high. I'm in a real mood today. You really are, because I thought I was getting a surprised turkey wrap and now now there's nothing to be No. Did you tell him we were doing turkey wraps? I might have said get ready for turkey, so I thought we were on the same page. Well, I think you really bift that you better be pitching a someone like Jesus Christ for all I care, But Jesus, let Jesus Christ, but a young talent. Jesus was just a man, damn right. Okay,

sorry Jesus, Sorry Jesus for this one. I was thinking about older talent, yeah, and then I went nope, Yeah, we're gonna stick with young, hot, new talent. There's a reason why we mandate young, rising new talent. And for you to even entertain something outside of that. I didn't even I mean, there was only one name older that I was thinking we possibly we don't there, Okay, okay, and I hope you didn't talk to him. So talented though no one's it's some people would say, god, so talented.

Hold on, there were but there were three turkey raps on the on the break room counter there and now they're not for you, guys, someone's been in here. Did you have Kevin Spacey over for a turkey rap? Twelve minutes while we were talking? He's in the building still, I am sure made clear that you didn't want to see him or talk to him or hear anything about him. I'm in disbelief. I'm in disbelief. We're your This is insubordination. We are over your head. To put it mildly, this

is insubordination. All right, Well, should I just leave? No? No, You've done such an incredible job with me. You've got to take the good with the bad. Okay, I'm not gonna you know, I'm rough around the edges. Okay, all right, but you know what, the one thing that gets me through the day FM radio. Don't we love good Her? On the FM? Radio. All in FM radio now calling in people days, people you know, asking to request a tune possibly or share, getting a surprise bouquet of flowers

delivered to their loved one. Pranks, pranks, It's all part of the world of FM radio. Oh my god. And someone has captured it deliciously with her new project called The Jannellis J Show. No, don't tell us, is it? It's Millie one of our great friends from New York. Now this premise, you guys are gonna love. It's New

York's number one hip hop radio show. The Jannellis J Show is ready to deliver truth allegedly, real talk allegedly, and the four one one, which is information in correction on why her co host keeps getting fired from the show. So you're telling me we're getting real talk allegedly, truth allegedly, and conflict conflict with professional conflict. There is so much what a rich tax. This is incredible. And you know Millie Tameras lest I heard, a stand up and writer

based out of Brooklyn, New York, who has written for ABC. Yes, come on for the w w E. She wrote for w w E, NPR BuzzFeed, doctor, come on, Hey, and MTV. She's been featured on Thrillist, Vice, b Et, Flamma, She's done at All above Average, universityon and Comedy Central Brooklyn in the House. Yeah, clearly we love Millie so much? Can we just this is real talk. This is real talk about Millie is family allegends. You've done really good working. Really,

this is basically Jesus Christ to me. Guys, that feels good, Thank you, hey, and I'm going to rescue the hero. I was just your waists, no, no, taken out of the car. But let's get it. Let's let's eat it right, let's eat it. I'm sorry, I thought they were Turkey reps. That was the falafel. I just got really mixed up because I'm I'm just I was really scared there for a second about you know who being in the building. You have had a really crazy you've my nerves are shot.

You brought a lover her home to me, or you should take the rest of the week off. I'm sorry, that's not for me to say. No, it isn't. Well, you better watch in subordination down boots. To call this insubordination would be putting it. Guys. I love this job more than anything, so please, we love you, love you, love you. Yeah, sometimes it doesn't feel like that. I'm just gonna says, just keep doing a great job and

don't fout. The Jannellis J Show starts the house you're listening saw the finest and radio entertainment, The Jannellis J Show. You're so creative. That's one of the things I like about J. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing. Welcome everyone to the Jannellis J Show. I'm your girl, Jennellis J. We are here, we are live. I'm so high for my premiere at I Heeart Radio.

Y'all already know what the deal is, following my three months step at w B I AM and my four months to at w F a R, my public verbal assault from Little Mom, and almost getting jumped in the parking lot of a t G I of Fridays by the Light skiped members of the group seven oh two. Fine fact, the song where My Girls Out was written for me because I like one of their men hit it for in the back. I'm so happy to be here with y'all. Letting the urban listeners does my heart radio,

go on this ride with me. I'm here with my co host, Girald. What's up, Gerald? You got anything to say? Glad to be employed again? Joannalysts, Oh, you mispronounced my name. I'm about to fire you again. I'm about to fire you again. You know how to say my name. Don't do me like that. Girald? What's going on with you? How you've been doing? I'm good. I didn't know that we would be back. I hope we don't mess it

up this time. That's all I'm thinking. You know, my lawyer is saying the same thing every day, so I'm really really happy. We're not gonna mess it up. Listen, we don't need that energy for this first episode. Okay, it to our inaugural episode. You know you know what to do. I've been in this business? How long, Girald? How long have I been in this business? A long time? Many many years, many many years. I know what I'm doing it, I know what I'm doing. So we're not

gonna mess this up? Are you kidding me? We got this. Let's start with you know, our segment tea Time with joannellis the hot topics. I'm letting y'all know the hottest news stories today in Urban America and regular America and Wife of America, all of it. We got our hottest news stories. So for our story, TikTok user baby Face posted a four cheese meccan cheese recipe that is cooked with a curling iron. That's crazy. This generation is lost. I don't know what to do about that. Okay, get

this now. Soldier Boys second cousin is trending in the news right now. Somehow this kid has more followers than me. But whatever, some of them have to be fake, that's all I'm saying. You know, those followers definitely fake. You know, you know, people be buying followers. You're all. You can't believe anything in this world anymore. You can't anything, you can't clean to. Everything's fake. The butt's fake, the titties fake my but of course it's fake. My titty's absolutely fake.

But that's neither here nor there anyway. Soldier Boys second cousins dead and Soldier Boys donating the proceeds of his game emulator for the funeral of this guy who somehow has more followers than me. Fixing Jesus, I'm sorry. Did he did he die? Yeah? No, he's dead. Yeah, no, that that's the news story, is that soldier boys second cousin did get murdered. But you know, we're real sad about that. That's so sad. What happens to the followers?

You know, I don't know? That is something that I would love to I would love to sit Mike Zuckerberger and sit him down and ask him what happens to the followers after you die? You have to add, I gotta ask you in my one on one the girl who looks just like you that we don't talk about. That we don't talk about anymore. Okay, because again again, Gerald, I have two rules. Get my name pronounced right, and not to bring up that girl that looks exactly like me.

And you're broke them immediately. You know, I'm so sick. I'm talking to the New York State Department of Labor. That's the only reason about why you deserve unemployment. That's the only reason I haven't fired you yet. But dog, you're on thin ice. And also, yes, everyone knows that Mark Zuckerberger has a crush on that bitch who looks exactly like me. I'm not sure if I can cuss on syndicated radio like my heart. But here we go. That's neither here nor there. Also, yes, so your boys

second cousin's dead by that game emulator. Five of the proceeds are going to it R I P. And also, you know, my mom told me, I'm gonna say you listen, you gotta enjoy your followers. Why you can, because I can't take that with you after you die. I think she was talking about money. You had something to say. I haven't set up through my estate that my my followers will be survived and passed on to my children. Oh not to me? Interesting? Oh yeah, interesting? I can

I can edit the next story. Jenna Pinkett, Smith's brother's assistant with spotted canoodling with Succession actor Nicholas Braun. Y'all, what are these fucking stories? I don't even know who this is or what show he's on. You don't You don't watch Succession? No, I don't watch Succession? The funk are you talking about? That's a show. It's a it's a very it's a popular show. Yeah, very popular. Oh you know what, I'm I'm sorry, I'm lying. Um. I

was watching the news in January six. I didn't even you know, obviously this man must be one of those writers rioters is that took over the capital. You know, that's what you gotta You gotta be careful with so white people because you don't know where they were in January sex. But the first thing when I meet a white person, I'm like, yo, where were you on January six? Because you gotta be careful. So that's good to know that Jada pikeets to his brother's assistant is sucking with

an secessionists and in secessionists and and in secessionists. Yeah, that's ah, that's what you know. That's I didn't even know that word until January six. So you're so creative. That's one of the things I like about you. Okay, and that's why you got rehired again. Beyonce's high schools chemistry partner says, you know what, Beyonce, we're sneakers to school twice. Not so glam after all, Beyonce. Honestly embarrassing. It's embarrassing, but honestly, I just okay, I'm gonna be

real with you. I don't know who the funk came up with these stories. I'm more missed that every single person that we mentioned Gerald, I'm gonna need to talk to you after Did you come up with these stories? Was that your intern? Was it one of your children? Look, I thought this would be a good rundown. I thought you had a lot of things to say. I thought you did a great job with it. I need to get better on my end, and I will absolutely who's

getting better me? I'm perfect. It's you. Don't change nothing change nothing change nothing change nothing. See everything keep it real. Everything's keep everything real except for the ascent titties and the waist and lives. Our final story, Auntie Time is Uh, the former CEO of Rock Room Shoes is ex wife's card was declined at the California Pizza Kitchen in the South Coast Plazza Mall in Orange County, California. It seemed to be uh declined because she mistyped her zip code

and then they ran it again and it worked. Really, Gerald, we really got to do something about these things. The slow newsday, it's if there's nothing happening right now. What the Smith family hasn't said anything embarrassing about their kids or anything like that. They haven't said anything about their sex labs, whether they opened it closed, it left it halfway. I don't know. I find that hard to believe, Girald,

I don't I find that hard to believe. Okay, because have you when was the last time you went to a rectam shoes? Do you want me to answer that? Honestly, I I wouldn't expect anything else. I was there, I was there yesterday. Okay, well you know there yesterday. Glad that I'm also glad that you're employed again because now you can afford to go to a real sue store. Anyway, For our final segment of Tea Time with janellis what do you have every time you have some tea? A crumpet?

And that's why we're gonna end the segment every week with the crumpet of the week. And you know, we bring something, you know, real, real, crumbling, real real can be avery at times that mostly not and uh, you know, some something real whack like who cares about a crumpet? But you get it with t you know. And obviously the crumpet of the week is h Harris, my ex husband. You know, I know that there's allegations right now of of his cheating. There's allegations right now with our alleged

arson you know, it's not my fault. They didn't have my shoes side. But crumpet of the week is Harris. Yo, Harris farted so bad that I heard it from his mistress house. You know that just embarrassing. So Harris, if you're listening, everyone knows that you farted and it's just gross. And you know he's listening. We know he's listening. That that man got none better to do than to listen to me. Seven he's sitting in his car, he's writing us letters. He thinks. We don't know if that is Harris.

We know it's you, Harris. We know it's harrorist and you know what, whatever, okay, because we all know who's paying your bills. It's me. He's in the past. That's why the rear view is bigger. That's why the rear view is bigger. That's why the rear view bigger than what. I'm sorry, the rear view is bigger than forward view. I don't think that's true. Yo, what's up? This is grawl and you're listening to the Janelle's Ja Show. All right, everyone,

welcome back to the Janelle's Jay Show. I'm very excited for our next guest. I've been dying to talk to him and see what's on this man's mind. He's Hollywood actor turn director. He's easy on the eyes. But let me tell you his latest movie something Everyone give it up for. Otis Carter, the second director of Homemade Cooking. Wow. Thank you so much to know it's it's an honor to be here and I'm so excited to talk about

this film. I think it is making waves. Sure, waves is uh, you know, it is waves in the way that you know, um, black mediocrity is a wave of itself, you know it does It is important for for black people to to not do movies that are greater groundbreaking, and I feel like you may have accomplished that with this. M uh. Oh, I see you're like in the sense

that you know it it uh. It isn't necessarily treading new ground, but it is familiar and um under and relatable to to the masses, and therefore can really inject the story that you know, I wanted to tell I kind it right? Is that kind of mean? Uh? No, I just mean that it's not a good film at all. Uh. Really, I think the point is to be nice. I think the message of this thing is to be nice to white people no matter what they do to you. And I mean there's really no radical politics at all. I

have no understanding of what you're trying to accomplish. I would even say that, you know, it's not a story that has been told. It maybe a story that somebody, are you such black people black? If you uh, you know, you know, that's just you know, that's my opinion. And again we come on the show to hear my opinion, but also my opinion has been informed because I I did used to date both Quentin Tarantino and Werner Herzog in the nineties. But you know, yeah, I'm sorry, are

you taking That's neither here nor there. Let's talk about this film and what were you So why do you make this film? And let's talk a little bit about what the plot that you were trying to go for was. Uh. Wow, I don't I feel like I'm being pun Uh there's a like a roast battle or or something. Uh no, Uh, of course this film it has a I think a very intriguing plot. Um so Uh Trevor played by mihrsha Ali of course comes comes down. I know, great one

of the greatest actors of our generation. I think he would agree done such fantastic films, uh like Green Book. Wow that if that's the film? Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, best Best Picture winner. And he he his father is dying and he has to go home, uh and take care of him. And his father has owned a restaurant that he decided he wasn't going to keep on the family business. But in the in in the process of his father dying, um, he realizes how much uh this

restaurant means to the town. Uh, and he decides to take it over. And this restaurant actually is a pivotal place for a horrible racial incident happens and there needs to be healing, you know, because this town is very segregated. And what we use is cooking, because food is the great equalizer. We all need to eat it, we all have to poop it, and uh we all love to talk about it. And and then that's what that's what

the movie is about. It's called homemade cooking. And I really hope everyone in their families catches it over the Christmas break. I'm sorry, I I can't bully. I mean, okay, so that's right, that that that's what you were trying to accomplish. But yeah, again, you know you have someone as strong as Marchela. But really it's kind of it's kind of difficult to you know, the cinematography that you're using. It's just not you're not lighting him correctly. You know,

his his skin is looking a little off color. Like it was concerning because for such an important piece. I'm like, did you get a lighting crew though? Like Black Splint, I got the one of the best cinematographers in the game. Um Alan uh McAllister, Uh he is, Yeah, he's done. That guy is so hacked. What did he do? What are the clerks? Oh? Yeah, I mean yes, that that's where he got his start. But he's done great films, uh like. Uh he did the film with the Benedict Cumberbatch,

the World War Two Uh film? Oh god, okay, yeah exactly, yeah, yeah, so terrible. I guess you couldn't see anything in that film either. That film you the lighting was not good. I found the shot that you did really just just try. But you know, again, I want to know a little bit about why you had Brian Cranson played the police officer. Oh well, Brian of course, Uh, wonderful actor. Uh like, has a great turn as a paraplegic. Uh. And the the upside is that what was called I'm pretty good

at remembering movies. Uh. We had Brian played because we needed someone who audiences could understand how someone who they thought was so bad I could have a heart of gold, you know. And of course Brian has a has an incredible scene where he spits in mahrchela space. Um yeah, that scene was incredible. Ye okay, yeah, and and says you take that, uh, you dirty monkey, and Mahrchela, instead of punching back, wipes the spit off his space and licks it. And in that moment, Brian Cranston sheds a

tear because he realizes, wow, we all need sustenance. And they sit down and have a slice of sweet potato pie, which for my white friends, that's our equivalent to pumpkin pie. Uh, it's it's a little black you know, highlight there. I like to I like to add in black culture to to my films. Yeah, you know that so much of what you said is so incredibly disturbing. I would ask how this got greenlit in the first place, but we all know, uh that why I got greenlight? Uh wow,

I just Yeah, the spit scene really was disturbing to me. Again, you know, I think you bring up a good point is that this entire film was under the lens of white audiences. And I think the message with again no radical politics at all, uh, is just really about how the onus of racism and ending racism is on black people. And I cannot agree with you less. And uh, you know, I think that I don't know if I would say that,

I would say it's on all of us as human beings. Okay, okay, Yeah, it's just the race at the end of the day is a construct, just like yeah. Uh. And and if we come to realize that in each of us is a human being just trying to eat and survive, then I think we can grow past the superficial differences. Um that that set us hard like uh like sweet potato bye and pumpkin by. Uh. Well, let's take a hard left on that, because listen, this conversation is not going anywhere.

You might be one of the dumbest people I've ever talked to. And I just interviewed Tyree's two weeks ago, so that's saying a lot. But let's uh, you know, let's let's take a hard pivot and uh, you know, talk about some of the fun things of this film, because obviously we're not going to agree on anything race or anything kind of critically thinking at all, or film or or or coloring. So let's talk about some fun

anecdotes from this film. Homemade cooking. Okay, um, sure, I mean well there is ah, well, there is a little hot, spicy sex scene. Uh, within the middle of the film. Uh. Yeah, let's talk about that sex scene. So mah Herschela has just opened up his shop restaurant, of course, and a down trodden white woman uh comes in and says, oh, I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address. Uh, this is not the restaurant I was looking for. But he says, well, how about a cup of coffee before you get on

your way? And she says great, I like mine black, and uh they share a little look and we kind of cut to a nice romantic scene uh of them making love. Yeah, you see, this is where I have an issue. You wanted to talk about this, Actually, let's go there. Obviously the sex scene was directed and written by someone in the male days. Uh, this is not real at all, Like it's it's mind bogged into me that you find this even remotely romantic. There was no

for playing uh, no kind of trust. There was nothing. There was not even like a consensual conversation. The camera angles were not great right just of her, but kind of kind of like leering up. You didn't like that one. No, I did not like the camera angle of the white woman's But anyway, again, the scene itself was so quick that there was no way that you can just tell that the director. I'm just watching this and like, has

the director ever made a woman come? And obviously the answer is no. But you know, I mean in my experience, uh, you know, making love, it's short and sweet, you know, it's uh you know less. You know, I think what an average about forty five seconds in um it's passionate. But it's not about the duration. It's about, you know, the quality of the spice. That sounds terrible. I can't

believe we had this conversation. All right, Any last things for anyone who's still not completely unconvinced to watch this uh film, some may say, I know, Vernon, I think this might this might tickle your fancy. Uh. There is a moment in here where a white professor stands up for me Herschela and winds up saving the restaurant. And I really love of that moment of this white man saying in the restaurant because it shows that we have allies and the ally ship that we have with white

communities can make us stronger. That's so bad, that's so wrong, that's so that's I can't believe that's the point in Again, not surprised that you got this greenlit, not surprised if this wins any awards, but just know on the Jannell's j Show, this is an absolute flop. Uh, and you know you need you ask the rest and for making this film. Um, well thanks for talking about this film. I don't recommend it to anyone, but that's just you know, we do live in America. So you know, I don't

understand why you asked me on the show. Well you know I heard radio said I had to in you on whatever, So I don't know either. But I'm glad that you were a good sport about this. And uh, you know you will probably get money to make films again, but I won't be watching any But you know, let's talk about gossip. Let's talk about let's have some fun here. We've been I know I've been really nailing you and uh what we love on this show. People like to

keep it real again. Like I said, everything real on me. Everything's real about me except for my ass and titties of waste and face. I wanted to bring up our next segment. We brought receipts and that's where we actually have your big transactions. Yeah, we have your bank transactions and want to force you to answer to them. And you know it will be real fun. So let's get into it. Um, last Monday, you spent two hundred and forty three dollars Trader Joe's. What's up with that? What

do you mean? What's up with it? So it's groceries. I'm buying groceries for the week. I don't understand what. That's a lot of everything, bagels season and you know what I'm saying. Okay, I like hosting. I have people over. You know why I work in Hollywood, Hie, Yeah, I get it all right. Invasion of privacy? Okay, Uh, well the next or your the next thing? Man, we see that you went to Walmart two wednesdays ago and you spent what you get if you must know I bought

up a day Wow, the Walmart brand BI Day. Don't tell our sponsors, Tishy, you know what I'm saying. Wow? Okay, Now I see here you spend nineties seven dollars and fifty two cents. I'm bevil razors. Yeah. Well, see the thing is, I have a hairy back, and I don't like I don't like mechanics razors, electric razors. They they scare me, the noise, the feel of them. So you know that's what the Gene's Jay Show is all about.

Dropping bub You heard it first, otis otis car. The second has a hairy back, and you only heard it here first because of the we brought receipt segments. Let's keep it going, Harry as back. Uh. You know you wanted to promote your day to a black audience. Here you go. Now you must subject yourself to being embarrassed. The next few things we got here are transactions on Venmo. I hear you say you spend sixty on Venmo to Sarah, eighty dollars on Venmo to Jake, and then ten dollars

on cash up. So let's talk about the drugs you're buying on Venmo. Honey, no, no, yeah, that's a nice try not buying drugs, all right. Uh. Sarah is my massuse okay, okay uh? And Jake is my house cleaner, and which I think is pretty progressive. I have a white man named Jake who cleans my house. So take that to the to the Black Bank, if you will. Again, you know you're so far removed from anything that the

black community is doing that. I'm sure you do think that it is progressive and transformative to have a white person cleaning your house. But the next transaction shows that you're just as corny as all the other people in Black Hollywood. I see you got a five do I'm deposit, I'm corny. I hang out with Will Smith. I'd have you now, So who's corny? Now? One of the coolest people on the planet I've seen here. You've got five thousand dollar deposit from Tyler Perry Studios. Let's talk about that.

What's going on? Sure? Actually, i'd be glad to talk about a Tyler Perry of Black Vision Area has his own studios in Atlanta, Georgia. I mean making so many jobs for the black community, underpaid jobs. Well, is five thousand dollars under paid for a page screenplay. Um, yes, wait what it's severely underpay. That's what. Wait you sold something and he paid you five thousand dollars. Yeah, I wrote a I wrote a I wrote a tier of

Perry film. He said, and you know, I mean we decided to do without agents, so I didn't have to pay the ten percent and he bumped up my pay from five thousand. Uh no, that's that is that is I mean, how much do you make from this radio show? It's not it's not doubt. It's five thousand dollars. I think it is actually five thousand dollars an episode that I make from this radio show. And oh I do it one every day. You make five thousand dollars a day. Yeah, times a week. It took me two years to write

the screenplay. Well, honey, everyone loves a good slice of pie. That's what you said in your movie Home Cookie. Uh well, I guess you gotta get a new age. And thank you so much for coming on our show. Otis Carter is a second. I hope you re evaluate everything that you're talking about, but if not, tell your agent. Thank you for giving us your bay statement. And this has

been we brought receipts the Jannellis J Show. I'm Your Girl, Jannellis J. All right, everyone, now we have our final segment of today's show, the segment that y'all all love and no called Hope Fuel. This is really just a message to all my haters, and you know it is something. I know everyone's going into your week and you're trying to think of things that will help you get through it.

And I know that, like people love me because I'm super relatable and this is relatable to everyone sharing this, and I know that hearing this might change the course of your week. So I'm here to do the people's business and the whole fuel this week. I just want to let you know, Harris know again fuck you. I know you sucked my cousin. I truly cannot stand you.

And uh, you know, when I see you again, we have a really great lawyer team, and I know, let's say, quote unquote, when I see you allegedly again unquote, um, you know, I'll have something for you. And you know everyone's like me. I'm just the average human being who has a leeching husband that's made that's completely stoled their entire estate and it's paying and purchased a house for my their mistress with their money. You know, I know

that that's everyday people problems. Some I know y'all feel me, audience, I know y'all get it. I know y'all know what's going on. And yeah, that is uh the whole fuel of the week. And uh, you know, just again, fuck Harris and I'm never taking you back, So thank you so much. This was another episode of the genealousy issue.