Libelous: Confessions of a Fake News Writer Presents: The Documentary (Episode 4)

you remember, because now everything is about positivity. We're all about love and positive and positivity. Peace to you, by the way, Peace and long life to you and your ancestors, and not mistake uh thank you for that. My ancestors would thank you, but they are all dead, so long life is out of the question for them. But well, that is that's negative. That would be an instance of negativity,

and that's not actually allowed here. You're yeah, no negativity allowed, so we don't do that, right, thank you, Samson, Because we're all about positivity here. Now we can make anything positive. Don't bring the negative from the world in here. All they care about is the negative, and now we are in the business of making it positive. Because what we used to do is take negative or neutral and make it negative. But now we do it positive, right exactly. Yeah,

I'm sure. I'm sure he got it. So I'll show you. Yeah, we can make anything positive. Just look at this. Watch watch this. Uh, let's see. I got a headline right here, um, and you will be able to make it into a positive right off the bat. Let's see headline, unhoused population hits all time high. Okay, okay, uh, unhoused population hits all time high, I guess son. Instead of that wording, I would say, more Americans reconnect with the great outdoors. Okay,

But as I was, I was about to show you. Yeah, that's good, that's good. But we could go even deeper than that. Um. Let's see here, Uh, this as a bus crash kills third they students. Okay, and you want me to make it positive. You're supposed to make that sound good, right? Uh? Okay. Well, instead of those words of a bus crash kills thirty students, I would say that's a recent boom in the funeral business is expected

to boost the local economy. All right, So yeah, and Uh, come on, wait a minute, get back here before you go on your tour. Uh take this with you. Uh. Man suffers third degree burns in fire that destroys family. Hall Man gets fresh started. Are we happy? We're all happy. We're good because you can't bring me down. You can't bring me down. All about positivity. Baby, not my state,

not my staate, not my state. Accurate report doesn't. A Christian sismologist from Amaria Cristins claims a reason increase in earthquake is being correctly caused by an increase of rock and roll. Here's an eleven. In a new interview with Omarac your News, Dr Fauci refuses to take responsibility for nine eleven. He says it's because he had nothing to do with it. We'll let you decide. It has been a year since the crowd turned on Camari, and I am visiting him at his home to see just how

things have changed. All right, So now we're back on this gravelly road that we were on about this time one year ago. Um, from the outside, Gabe looks the same. Okay, we're passing that now. Well, now the the statues, the human statues, have been replaced with real, actual statues that. That's a nice refreshing uh change. And we're coming up on a home in the distance. Uh oh wow, Well someone's coming here to de greet us. Okay, let's just get on out of the car there. Hello, yo, hello, welcome,

my brother, welcome ah am, all right. Did did you shave your head? I did? I did shave my head. It's all a part of the rebranding, dropping the self, dropping the ego, and fully embracing positivity. Have you met the al packers? I had not, so you got rid of the the dogs last time. There were two two big dogs that we're here to welcome me. Yes. Yeah, Bezos and Ellen couldn't get on the same page of positivity, so we had to drop them off in the woods.

But Gandhi and Mother Teresa here they're fitting in just fine. Are you sure you name them correctly? The one that you pointed out as Mother Teresa seems to be uh male, No, I don't think so. Well. She is deeply penetrating Gandhi right now. Um, there's no mistaking that. Well, there ain't nothing but an expression of love, my brother. It's love. We're all about love. You don't be afraid. Do not be afraid of love. Do not be afraid of love in any expression. Do not look away. You have to

look love right in the eye. I really don't want to look at it, definitely not in the eye. No, No, you gotta look. You gotta stare love right in the face as it's happening. That's that's the you get the role feeling. There's nothing that replaces that. I really really like to look away. Yeah, yeah, me too. Actually, all right, well let's go. Amari then took me on a tour of the property that now more closely resembled some sort of zend retreat than the billionaire playboy bachelor path that

I saw before. And here we have our passion pool. Uh, anything you're passionate about, you toss right into the water. Some people are passionate about television. That's why there's TVs in there. Some people it's video games, which explains the PlayStation. For some it's cooking, and that's why there we a toaster in there. Well that that does seem dangerous. I

would highly advise against that. Who I'm sorry, This is this is positive vibes only in this uh this environment, so and over here is our fo ifness monument, the Forgiveness monument. This is just the bust of Osama bin Laden exactly, never forget to forgive. After the tour, Amari told me that he still wants to win a Peabody, but he now has a new plan for how So this documentary all the footage, will use it to produce an expose on me. So initially I was planning on

doing a basically propaganda campaign. Now, obviously at the time I did not look at it as propaganda. I just really wanted people to be on my side for winning a Peabody. But now I realized that it was, and I'm chained ng my angle. I think that it should be an expose on me, the most influential fake newswriter in history, and and how that worked to kind of bring a negative viewpoint into many American households. Now they'll

eat that up. Plus all my critics will have to give me props for being so brave and uh, you know, self aware, you know whatever? The fuck? Uh Okay, Okay, yeah, actually I I love that idea, but just saw you Now it would have to be a no holds bar documentary podcast expose, just an unflinching look into the true inner workings of your empire. That's the only way I can agree to be a part of something like that. Yeah, of course, really, I mean I'm talking about everything, everything

from the pitch meetings. No, no, no, no, no, I don't like that. Uh wait, because you're just agrede. No, I said, I don't like it, but you know that's Uh, it's okay. Uh, I'll make something good. All about positivity, We're all about turning bad into good. So I'll make something out of it. I'll take care of it, don't you worry about it. After we spoke, I'm already cut together a version of the documentary that presented a more palatable version of himself, none of the tirades or lively language,

and I'm already seemed proud of it. But I advised him to focus group. We recorded one of the one on one conversations I'm already had with the focus group member after they listened to his version of the podcast expose. Uh, all right, so you had a chance to listen to the whole thing. And uh, I'm looking over your comment card, but I wanted to hear from you. Uh, what do you think what do you think. Um, I'm supposed to be honest, right you want to honest? I hated it.

I despised it. I just it's it's it's a giant piece of ship. Really yeah, piece of ship? Okay? Uh, you really really trying to take me back out of this positivity thing, but I won't allow it to happen. Um. So more specifically, uh, your comment card says that some of it felt staged. I would like to know what felt staged about when I randomly came across a baby bald eagle in New York City. I don't know if they're indigenous to the city, but it's totally plausible. It

had to happen at least once. And you heard me on the podcast nurse it back to health with the totally random raw squirrel meat I happened to have in my pocket. What felt staged about that? I think you were really trying to win back empathy, um with your audience, and it just felt it felt like it was scripted.

You know. Um. Look, I I respect our troops, okay, I respect our country, and I just feel like you were really trying to Frankly, I think you were trying to do some subliminal political messaging there, and I just did not appreciate it. I just wanted the politics to stay out of this. I was promised chocolate milk. I never received the chocolate milk. Um. And what I did for you was your unfiltered political agenda, and I did not appreciate that. What's political about a baby bald eagle?

You tell me if you if you put politics on it, that's on you. I saw. What I saw was not politics. I saw a very expensive baby bald eagle that probably cost about five dollars an hour, and I nursed that thing back to health. That's what I saw. No, why would you know any of that? What the fact that you have all these why would you know any of that about how much it would cost? And the beeple I haven't seen a lot of baby bald eagles in my lifetime. But this thing had a taper. It had

had a bald fade, you know, hence the name. And this thing was Look. I don't want to say this thing was from the hood, but it's certainly had a swagger about it that it knew it was the hair. It knew that I don't know, And you want us to I don't know. I'm sorry, I'm just I'm just upset because I'm just remembering what I saw. And the bald eago at one point looked at the camera and smiled, and it had a gold grill in its mouth. If that's not yeah, if that's not calculated, I don't know

what is. Hey. Hey, I was surprised too. I was surprised when I saw it. I was there, and I was also surprised. You probably heard how surprised I was. I was like, what and and now open the mouth. Oh what? I was very surprised. Uh all right. You also say that it was self aggrandizing, which, oh word,

what was self aggrandizing about? When I gave one lucky fan the opportunity to clean my mansion for free, for totally, for free, given someone a business opportunity that they can do, and it cost them nothing, at no cost, at zero cost whatsoever? What what cots self agrandizing? It costs some time? I mean the fact that you found this person at an unemployment line and you said, I'm gonna give you a job today. That's right, that's right, And this person,

as you know, has no job. Have you don't know they don't have any any career um opportunities. And so you let them come into your house and clean your mansion. Ye, and then you kicked them right out and you said go back to being poor, and you kept calling them unemployed, which I just didn't appreciate either. Well, I mean that's just objectivity. If you're you're unemployed. Uh and you don't like it. Uh? Well, okay, you got a point there, all right, but this on this you have zero points

at all. You can't say it was selvil grandizing. When I showed my bank account and how much money I have, that's not selvil grandizing at all. That's encouragement. That's encouraging people to go out and do what I did to have what I had. Do you know what the median income is for an American household? I don't know, like one point five? Oh see that that that lets me know that you're completely out of touch. Ouch, I'm out

of touch. I'm out of touch. I will have you know that I have millions of fans across out of touch. What about I literally I had car trouble. I I even showed you my car trouble. Remember that. Remember I caught a flat tire when I was off roading in my Lamborghini out of touch, out of touch, I had to I almost had to change a tie. Almost. I I'm sorry. I'm just so parched. I have not received my chocolate milk. Um I I don't even know where to begin with us. You know you went off roading

in a Lamborghini that is not set up for that. Um, you almost had you almost had the change a tire. You know my alternator went out last week? Do you know what that is? Uh? No, you don't. I can tell by looking at your face that you don't know what an alternator. I don't. I'm not gonna explain it to you, but I will say that my engine block was warped because the alternator went out, and I had to buy a brand new car. Okay, well, yeah, I'm sorry. You know it wasn't a Lamborghini, sure right, it was

a Priest TC. Okay, well sounds I'm I'm telling you what car it is because that's the car I can afford. Toyota doesn't make them anymore, and that's the car I had the gap. Oh, so it's a classic. This is a rare, rare vehicle. So somebody's fancy and it doesn't sound like the guy who doesn't even have an off roading vehicle. All right, what about that? The sympathetic moment when Miley Cyrus very rudely asked me to stop spreading rumors that she has split personalities? That now, that clearly

that clearly UH defines a villain Miley and a hero. Me. I'm I'm clearly the hero in that situation, UH, going up against a big, bad, UH villain who was very rude when she asked me to stop spreading rumors about her. She was every she was in her right, just asked me to stop doing that. I know that she has a song called Wrecking Ball, but she doesn't need you swinging in destroying her life or her the reputation that

she has built. I mean, Miley is an American treasure, okay, much like like she's very much much like much like me, the American treasure. You don't know nothing, not the first thing about an American trudge. You don't know anything about an Americans rider. Get they are, get get get out, get out. You want to Dracolo milk? You want to Dracolo milk? Yes, all right, you're not getting it, but just get out, son of a bit. After that private meeting with the focus group member, I asked Samori how

it went good? Good? It went? It went so so well? He uh, he liked it. He actually he actually liked it. Really because watching you talked through the window it it didn't look like a super positive conversation. Oh well, you know, he didn't like everything about it. Obviously, nobody's going to like everything. But for the most part, can I can I say what you are? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, here you go. You just throw it away? You just you just bawled up and and throw it away. Oh what, okay,

it's okay, I can I can get it out? All right? This south away? Oh oh oh now I'm all right. I'm all right. You've got to release the real version. This this is awful, okay, uh yeah really yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah. Fine, you see if that's any better. You think you could do better, We'll see if you could do better. The next day we brought back the focus group to review the new version. Oh great, you again, okay, so what do you think you hated everything about it?

You hate my guts? Still, first and foremost, I appreciate the chocolate milk fountain that you have outside. I got a nice song glass. I am ready to go. Put me in the right spirits for this thing. Yeah, we changed all that just for you. Oh thank you. All right, So, uh, what did you think about the mental health expert calling me an asshole? What do you think about that? I loved it. I thought it was so on brand, it

was so it made sense. I wanted, honestly, I could have gone for another thirty five forty seven minutes of it. I thought it was pretty pretty great. Um, and maybe feel like, I mean, I felt like in that moment, I was that expert talking to you telling you how I felt. I mean, I I just it was a perfect reflection of what the audience. You know, I assume everybody else in the audience must must feel too, unbe

fucking livable. Okay, So you're saying that you were totally fine with him a mental health expert saying that to call me mentally ill would be an insult to anyone who's actually suffering with the symptoms of mental illness. You you you actually you're you're on board with that, because like he's like he mentioned your whatever, delusions of grandeur whatever is going on with you is self inflicted. It's

not something that is chemical. It is not something that is um you know, something that you that was inflicted upon you by like God or or or anything else like this is all anything that is happening in your life that is negative. It's your fault. Wow. So you're totally cool with me getting fucked up by my own fans, by my own fans coming on stage and grabbing the mic from me and putting hands on me. You're totally

okay with that? Yeah? Again, I could have used another thirty five or forty seven minutes of just that moment. And in the documentary. Um, the fact that sodomy was not involved. Um, really the only negative note that I have, UM, but I loved it. Again, so you do have notes. So you do have notes, Thank you. Thanks. Well, it's only really for more of what with what really works, which was your your fans going up on stage and

fucking you up. You know, wow, wow wow wow. Okay, Well what about how when I I didn't understand that you don't use cameras to do a podcast? That's just plain stupid. I mean I don't, I don't know how you don't know that, and um, well it's a documentary, it's a documentary podcast. I don't know what to tell you. Man, you don't know how the world works. It's changed around

you and you have not kept up with it. Um. But again, I I actually liked how ignorant you were and how humbled you you became once you found out, um that you don't know shit about anything. And I wish that you could apply that to your ideology of in your perspective of the world and how you approach everybody. Um, I think that you could actually do yourself some good. What about how how how sad I was when I

found out that SMD doesn't mean so much drip? Okay, so when when when the guy uh tweeted at me SMD and I was like, hell, yeah, you know it. I do it all for the fans, And then later on I was so sad to find out that it doesn't mean so much drip at all. You know that that was the one part of the documentary where I

I can understand where you were coming from. And you know, depending on the type of STDs may or may not have, I've never I' just you know, I have friends that have had STDs and they've had a drip in a way that he would not um that you know, it's not complimentary. Um anyway, that's neither here nor there. What I'm saying is that I I I appreciated that that

actually humanized you for me. And um another moment where I mean, I don't know if how much is on the cutting room floor, but a good I don't know, thirty more minutes of that I could have I really could have used wow, wow, wow, all right, you're no help at all. Get out, get get your chocolate milk. We're turning off the chocolate milk fountain. Get out, Well, don't turn it off. Where to turn it off? And

get out? How was that? Uh? He was on the fence, but uh, you know, I think he's leaning towards uh, this version over the other one. I'm gonna admit it. I'm gonna admit that he's leaning towards this version. So let's go with this one. Let's go with this one. Okay. If it's gonna make me bigger than ever, which it will, it's gonna make me the biggest thing in the history of the entire globe of the the United States and of America in the world. Okay, I'm gonna be the

biggest thing ever. And I don't give a funk that you didn't like my ship. Okay, so we'll put out this ship that's your ship, and then they'll eat it up and then I'll be big. And then I'll be huge and I can put out my own version and whatever the funk I want to do. After that lost everything after releasing the No Holds Barred expose. The backlash that hit him. Mari was so beer that he lost his business and all his money to legal fees in an attempt to fight lawsuits and criminal charges, and that

he was successful in terms of dodging jail time. Ah, he was able to do that, but he was also successful in another way. That expose that caused him to be the opposite of the biggest thing ever actually was awarded a Peabody in the podcast category. Today, Amri teaches improv at a community college in Tampa,