Don Saldivar Presents: The Weakest Loser (Episode 1)

of the days. Whatever. Just to sit down, take a seat, I lie down again. No, no, whatever. It did really work because the husband Hunt. Let me just say, Stepmom and the husband Hunt was a huge success success and it's due to you, due to you know you do well. I think has a threesome as a three way. We really crushed it. It was just great to get someone living in Los Angeles to do to do a podcast. Yeah,

well guess what, it's not stopping there. No, I think we're open to hearing more from you, Will about other people you like the you like the first suggestion. I think. So the trial run was successful. Will okay, and so however, you need to possession yourself the room. Am I getting yelled at right now? Okayed? I had my sugar free red Bull with my As you can see, I'm in process on my breakfast and the fact that you guys are so early it doesn't even bump me, do you, guys?

I'm sorry, I have some Athletic Greens. You guys want some that powder that Tim Ferris loves. This here here, let me just crack over a can here get Thanks for handing it to me. Good object work everyone, And this is this is Athletic Greens. It's got all your vitamins and all your sort of nutrients in one drink in the morning. Sorry, I just I think I think we should just do a beverage every time I'm feeling this is this is uh, it's it's tastes better than

you think it's gonna taste. Absolutely, but it doesn't taste good. No. And you know, speaking of the five senses, because taste is one of them, Let's talk about things we can hear, Hey, dream us of something here? This is very interesting. Okay. I don't know if you guys are familiar with Martin so funny This is just I'm so happy you said the name Martin because I've been wanted to see something from him. Yeah, great young talent, and he was tough

to get. I'm not gonna lie, I don't. I'm not surprised you guys are gonna have to send over some swag, just duly duly warned, or are some more of the greens. But he is a hip Latino comedian, writer satirist. He's performed on Jimmy Kimmel Live, one of the Great Jimmy's Comedy Central w channel. Now Guess what. Guess what? The title of his his projects called, let me guess. Don Sealdvar there Don sell Devar, who is a recently paroled

sleazy game show host. He puts audience members to the test through multiple intense games to win money and is respect. It's like we have our own wheel of fortune. It's like we have our own wheel of fortune, our own cash. Caberne, who wants to be a millionaire. My imagination is running wild. C Well, I think you might be honest something here, guys. I'm just you know, I'm just going with my gut. You know, I'm just so pleased that you guys are happy,

because I know when you're not happy, it's not fun around. Yeah, it gets real violent here. You only you only know that anecdotally because we've never actually been angry at you just heard. Yeah, and keep telling people. Okay, we want to be feared. Okay, Marcavelli, who Machiavelli us us. Let's take a listen to Martin. Yeah, yeah, this is done. Saldivar. Hello, and welcome to the Weakest Loser. I'm your host, Don Saldivar, and in your ears, aren't being women to you? And

by that, I mean they aren't playing tricks? Now. I know it wasn't too long ago that I quit my other game show, Big Saturday. But the good men and people here at Clown Parade we're lucky enough to get me after an intense bidding war, despite any rumors you might have heard that no one wanted to hire me after all of those articles came out. But enough about gossip. We're here to play a game tonight. Three contestants play for the chance to win dollars and cents. Let's meet

our contestants now, all right, Contestant number one, what's your name? No, I'm oz Band. Oh no, I'm crazy me too, alright. Contestant number two, what's your name Rebecca? Nor Rebecca? And what's something interesting about yourself? Just kidding? Next contestant, what's your name Francis Siski? Oh, you know, my wife wanted to name our baby that, but that's why I left her. All right, Now that that's out of the way, let

me explain the rules. In round number one, each of you will take turns answering a series of general knowledge trivia questions. At the end of the round, if you have the least amount of points, we will throw a seventy pound dumbbell at you. If you can't catch it with only one hand, you will be eliminated. Alright, any questions perfect, Then we'll start round number one of the weakest loser. All right, we have three minutes on the clock starting now. No, I have the lyrics tattooed above

my ass. But who wrote the song girl You'll be a Woman suit? Neil Diamond correct one for noam alright, Rebecca, which popular nineties sitcom star dated a high school student during the fifth season of his self titled television show, sign felt correct, Francis. Some people might think that when you boil a lobster. You can hear them screaming, but that noise is actually the lobster going yay we I love this. But the casual dining restaurant Red Lobster is

known for their what kind of biscuits? Cheese biscuits? I'm gonna need a slightly more specific answer. Francis cheddar Cheddar cheese so close? Like Cheddar, I need an exact location of the Cheddar montsego Is. Fortunately, we can't accept that cheddar bay Cheddar cheddar Bay biscuits. Alright? Went wrong for Francis Noah, I love Pepe, which is, of course my acronym for which children's television show that features six rescue dogs and a cute young man named writer uh uh

pp dogs so close? I wish I could pitch that show, but that it is Paw Patrol, Paw Patrol. Alright, Rebecca, I think the guy from the Da Vinci Code who whips himself on the back is kind of hot. But which author wrote the novel The da Vinci Code at Davincy so close? Dan Brown? Dan Brown? Alright, Francis Naked and afraid is more than just the only thing I wrote on my dating profile. It's also a television show and on the show Naked and Afraid, how many days

are the contestants left Naked and Afraid? Thirty? It's thirty days twenty one? Are you kidding? Too confident for that? Wrong of an answer? All right, No, I'm this author loved to date teenagers. Okay, I'll narrow it down for you. He also wrote a book called The Catcher in the Rye. Oh god. J. D. Salinger? Correct, all right, Rebecca. If I were a star constellation and I wanted to make

myself orgasm, I'd probably use Who's belt? Correct? All right, Francis Brittney Spears dad seems like a really cool guy. But which YouTuber went viral for their video leave Brittany Alone? Oh man, I don't know his name? John John John Brittany Alone. Guy, unbelievably close. Chris Crocker, Chris Crocker. Okay, and that is the end of round number one. Wow, what an exciting round. How does everybody feel? Defeat it? Oh? Well,

then everything is going right on track. All right. I'm tabulating the score now, and unfortunately, Francis, you have the least amount of points if you don't catch this seventy pound dumbbell using only one hand. You are eliminated. Are you ready? Catch? I didn't get so close. Francis, you are the weakest loser. Get out of here, you weak, weak loser. Hello, loser. Now that you lost, let's get

your thoughts. How did you feel about how everything went down? Honestly, I I don't feel too bad because the questions I got wrong are questions that I don't think I should know, So I don't feel too too terrible. Yeah. What do you think about the host of the show, Dawn Oh Man, I'm a huge fan of Dawn's man. Donna was his so solids are ya? Don He's a he's intense man, um intense presence. He has a musk that is kind of hard to get out of your nose, but worth it,

you know. Nice guy. Oh, what an exciting turn of events. But things are only going to get more exciting when I drink tequila. Dearie, these messages, m h m hm m all right, we're back. Let's get to meet our contestants. Just a little bit more. No, I'm it says here, someone you love is keeping a terrible secret from you. Tell us more. I have a fifteen month old kid, and I suspect dark things? Why because he's stone walling me. I look at him and he won't say any of them.

M that makes sense. I wouldn't trust you with much either. No, just from the quick vibes I've gotten off of you since round number one. All right, and Rebecca, I hear people like to laugh at you behind your back? What's that about? Just my day to day being. People watched me and just laugh as I go about my work and my daily activities. And what do you do for work or daily activities? I work in tech. Oh, no, more questions? All right, enough talking to you. Time to

play another round of the Weakest Loser. We have more general knowledge trivia questions coming your way. But in this round, we are throwing a seventy one pound dumbbell at the player with the least amount of points. If you fail to catch the dumbbell using only one hand, you are eliminated. Are you ready? Yeah? This time we're gonna put four minutes on the clock. All right, here we go. No on al Gore more like Al Snore, That boring ass bitch made a documentary about climate change called What an

Inconvenient Truth? Correct Rebecca. Hmm Bob bad bad bad baby Dad Bob bad? Oh? Yeah yeah, m Bob? Who sings that song? I don't know before my Hansom handsome? Alright, what's wrong for Rebecca? No on my Ataconda. Don't want none unless you got what hon buns? Correct Rebecca, Virgin Atlantic. I'd rather fly the Atlantic? But who founded the company? Virgin Atlantic? H Virgin Mary? Oh, I wish that is Richard Branson My Virgin Mary. Rebecca off to a horrible start, Noah.

Although actor Mark Ruffalo is mostly known for playing the hero in which movie, did he play a journalist at the Boston Globe? Uh? Spotlight? Correct? All right, Rebecca, you gotta get back in the game. I've never been more upset at anything in my entire life. But the female lad Ghostbusters reboot saw a reunion between Bridesmaids co stars Kristin Wig and who Uh Melissa McCarthy correct, act alright, Rebecca getting back in the game. No, I hear she's

difficult to work with. But the sequel to which animated film is adding the character of an infant executive named Tina Templeton boss Baby correct alright, Rebecca Yokioo Taco Bell, which Latino American civil rights activist co founded the National farm Workers Association and posthumously received the Presidential Medal of Freedom in nineteen ninety four. If no clue, do you

even repeat it? Yokiero Taco Bell, actual, Latino American civil rights activist co founded the National farm Workers Association and posthumously received the Presidential Medal of Freedom in nineteen ninety four. Pass so close, he got boss Baby and I got chaves to me, They're one and the same. Alright, No weird. The rock band Kansas was formed in which US state um ah man uh Nebraska, Kansas? That is unfortunate? Alright, Rebecca. In the song Famous, the lyrics state quote I made

that bitch famous. Who is the quote bitch in which musician Kanye West is referring to correct? All right? No, I'm I've never played tennis before, but I could probably win against Serena Williams six to oh. But the current top ranked women's tennis player, Ashley Bartie is from which country? Uh, France? Basically the same Australia. All right, and Rebecca, she may be the definition of pure evil, But which feminist icon founded Miss Magazine and the Women's Media Center. Um, I

have no clue. Um, Randa Priestley, So so close? Glorious Steinhum, Glorious steinhum. Alright, Wow, what an exciting round that was? Wow? How does everybody feel? No? I'm I feel good. I feel good. I boss baby, say no more? All right, Rebecca, how do you feel after an intense second round? I feel heinous right now? What makes you feel so heinous because you didn't know? Cess our drives or Glorious Steinhum? Yes, I wish I got the anaconda question, lad, luck of

the draw? All right, I'm tabulating the score right now, and unfortunately, Rebecca, you have the least amount of points. You are the weakest loser. Here is a seventy one pound weight catch. No, that was so close. That was so close. While unfortunately, because you couldn't catch that with only one hand, you are eliminated. Get out of my sight, you week week loser by Hello, a loser. Now that you lost, let's get your thoughts. How did you feel

about how everything went down? Defeated, devastated, heartbroken? What are you going to do now? Go back to school? I have a lot to learn in history specifically, all right, no, I have you made it to the final round? Will you win big? Or will you walk away small? Weak and a loser? Find out when we return to the weakest loser and we are back. Wow, what an exciting first two rounds we've had. We're going into the final round with no. I'm no, I'm you made it to

the final round? How are you feeling? I feel excited, I feel nervous. I am worried about smashing my right hand on the Have you wait if I don't do well? Oh, don't worry about that. We've never had anybody get hurt and sued us before, so you know. I don't know if it's the n d as we make them sign beforehand, or what's keeping us afloat. But no, M I gotta ask, have you ever want anything in your life? I have? UM? I have? I actually say no more. All right, let's

get into a final round. No, I'm I'm going to ask you ten general knowledge trivia questions. If you get three questions wrong, you walk away with nothing except for the one hundred pound dumbbell we will be throwing at you, and if you can't catch it with one hand, you won't be allowed to keep it. But if you make it to the end of all ten questions, you will win dollars and sense. All right, no, I'm are you ready to get into it? Let's do this, all right?

No time on the clock. You just have ten questions. You've got to make it through. Noam, Your question number one is I got kicked out of school because I wouldn't stop calling Abraham Lincoln of virtue signaling cock. But Abraham Lincoln served as a member of the House of Representatives for m which US state? Um from the capital of the country, Illinois? That is correct? All right? One for normal question number two, I'd love to perform a fatality on my wife, if you know what I mean.

But which video game first released in the nineteen nineties featured fatalities? Uh? Grand Theft Auto so close? Mortal Kombat, Mortal Kombat. Alright, that's one strike, but you're still in the game, noam h. In December of nineteen fifty eight, NASA sent an animal named Gordo into space. Gordo did not survive. But what kind of animal was Gordo? A primate? At chimpanzee? It says here monkey, so im and accepted all right. No, Question number four. Tilla come is my

safe word. But tilla come is also the name of a whale seen slowly dying in which documentary. Oh um um ah, blackfish. Correct. Don't don't sound so unsure of yourself. That is absolutely correct. You sounded like you were just making that up off the top of your head. But no, that is absolutely right. And then it would have been really awkward if that wasn't actually the name of the movie. Here alright, noam. Question number five Dora the Explorer or

is it's known in the US? Dora the Explorer premiered on which television network, PBS, so Close, Nickelodeon, Colodeon. No, I'm that is strike two. You're on question number six. If you get one more wrong, you are walking away with nothing. How do you feel about that? Well, hopefully I get to walk away with a hundred pound bell. Well, if you can't catch it with one hand, you won't be able to keep it. But no, I'm there's a lot writing on these next ship five questions. Here we go.

I always thought it was a vagina, but it's actually pac Man's mouth. But I'm sure it's a vagina. On the female version of pac Man, whose exact name is what Mrs pac Man? Oh it is Ms pac Man. I don't see a ring on that vagina. No, I'm you are the weakest of the losers. But of course I'm gonna throw this one d pound dumbell at you. That's my good hand. Hello, a loser. Now that you lost, let's get your thoughts. How did you feel about how

everything went down? It's heartbreaking. Its five questions away from glory and now I'm a loser. I'm gonna turn to my fifteen month old kid. Is he keeping secrets from me? I'm gonna say, your dad's a loser. He's gonna just look at me because the stone walls. What do you think about the host of the show. Um, he made me giddy, he made me happy, and then he broke my heart. Then he broke my heart. So don can rotten heell? What are you going to do now? Um

gonna sit that fifteen month old down. I'm gonna look him in the eye and say, it's time for you to start telling me secrets. It's time to start letting it all out. No diapers until you tell me secrets. Son, h A right, that's our show. Thanks for listening and until next time, always remember those vicious rumors about me are completely true. Good Night, m.