Welcome to Family Suit. I'm your host, Don Salty Bar, and I'm no stranger to lawsuits. Here on Family Suit, we invite real families in the middle of real legal disputes to come on and play some games. These families have agreed that the best way to settle their lawsuits is by being on a game show. And tonight we have a special surprise. Alita is dead, so here playing for her. Inheritance is my own family. First up, and we've got my Dia Yolanda and my Theo Ted Crood alright,
the Theo, good to see you. How are you doing? Thea Yolanda? And then good, that's good to hear you know the Landa. You're here via satellite and some people might not know you're actually in prison now allegedly feeling allegedly what are you? What are you in for? I lost? Well, right, the I'm glad to hear you're doing good Antho, Ted Cruise, thank you for being here. How are you doing? Hello, nephew, Well,
I think we're here to this cause the Biden border crisis. No, no, no, I want to discuss because all our problems in our family has because of Biden's border crisis. I don't know if that's necessarily true. You know, THEO Landa did some other stuff, but the Ted Cruz, the Ted Cruise. People might not know this, but that's not your real name. You actually changed your name because you're a big fan of a certain U. S. Senator. Who was that again? Uh? My favorite guts and at Ted, Theodore Ted Cruz. My
actual first name Wes Carlos. True it is, but I went with Tad. I like it. But the ATA I gotta ask, what will you do if you win the inheritance? Here tonight? I will do what I always wanted to do, bring Donald Trump back. Come on. We we said, don't get political on the show, but I know you can't help it. You know what, let's just get started. You two are playing for Grandma Coco's inheritance. We asked questions to one hundred of our cousins. Their top five answers
are on the board. You'll take turns guessing those five answers, but if you get three strikes, you're out. The player with the most correct answers wins any questions. Yes, okay, Uhlanda you first, I I am guilty of my crimes and I never had a platform to discuss. But now that I'm thinking about it, I did kill her. You know I loved her. You had a question more of a statement. Selena is one of my favorite movies since I'm Texas American, and I want to know and I
know that Yolanda's actually my favorite character. How you land that? Oh? Hello, look you look great. You look great. You could do great in my campaign. You know I do it? You do it? Well, let's do it. Let's do it. All right, this is creeping me out. We are family here, but we're going into the first round of family suit. Is the audience ready? Well, despite that, we're gonna go right into it. All right? THEO Ted Cruise and the Landa. Name something you could kill someone with? The Orlando you
first gun? The haller nice, It's just you just can name one. Caesar's ice ice in the shape of a knife. Do you want to go with your first answer? Gun? You can only go one answer to time? Gun? No? No, no, big gun. Big gun is on the board. All right, that's one point for the Landa. All right, THEO Ted Cruise. Name something you could kill someone with. I'm gonna go with hurricanes that we're not prepared for a hurricanes. That's
my final answer. Hurricanes. You know whether that you're not prepared for hurricanes because in Texas, that we're not prepared for comma because we're in Texas. That is oh, fortunately not on the board, intersting, that's not okay, I thought it was gonna be. I'm sorry you all right, the aulanda go ahead, done? Okay, you already said gun. You already said gun, and that was the that was the top answer. But you're going is what it gives. There's
other things you could kill someone with. We asked one hundred of our cousins to name something you could kill someone with. Nothing you have necessarily, but that potentially, theoretically you could kill someone with nfe Alright, you're going with knife that is on the board and night blade. Al right, wow thea. You are honestly destroying this game. Well, no one was disputing that at all. Theo Ted Cruz, name something you could kill someone with. You have one strike
and there are three more answers left on the board. Okay, I'm gonna go with something that I use with my wife while we have sex. Rope rope a rope, a rope, rope that is unfortunately not on the board. Let's I guess people think differently than I do. That is two strikes. If you get one more, you won't be able to guess anymore. But we're back to the alanda. You are on a roll. Name something you could kill someone with? A bomb? A bomb? You're going with the bomb, alright,
thea that is unfortunately not on the board. Alright, THEO ted cruise you gotta get. You gotta get one right on this one. Name something you could kill someone with. We already have gun and knife, slash laid. There are three more. Deal. Okay, I'm thinking something that you know, as we're a family, were always at houses, you know, family meetings, and we always you know, need tools. Some
I'm thinking hammer. I'm much thinking a hammer, hammer or or a tool hammer or tool, yes, a tool, that could be anything, just so I can get a point in the hammer. Anything you can buy in home deput. Okay, well, now we're getting get a little too broad, but we'll go with tool slash hammer feel that is oh, unfortunately not on the board. That is three strikes. Let's go ahead and see what answers were left on the board. Audience,
take it away, boys. So those are the three that you're unable to get you all, you have three strikes. That means the A Yolanda is the winner. All right, so THEO ted cruise. Unfortunately you you're walking away. Is there anything else you'd like to say to me and the rest of the family. I want to say, first of all, I was never good at baseball. Uh. Second, I uh, I love you guys, uh, and please vote for me. And two twenty two, we love you too, THEO and will think about it. Thanks for being here,
Da Yolanda. You are the winner of round number one. You're going on to the final round. How do you feel I feel like I wish I'd been killer, because because right now that you will be right here to see me. A Yolanda is moving on to the final round. But next up, we've got two more family members competing against each other. You don't want to miss it. It will be right back after this. We're back with Family Sue, a game show that, for legal reasons, is nothing like
any other game show. We've got two more members of my family playing for the chance to win Grandma Coco's inheritance. Please welcome Fio f Chappo and Fio Win Manuel Maranda oh Fields. Thanks for being here. Speaking as years over Choppa. I guess we should address the obvious. You have a new haircut. I'm surprised you noticed, Miko. I've missed. How mean you smell? I miss your Dutch. I think about you a lot where I'm at Colorado. Do you know
that means so much? Thank you? Yeah, you're you're you're coming to us live via satellite from a a d X super max prison. Yes, what's that like? Yes, I'm in prison. Oh man, there's bars and people in jumpsuits and prisoners. That does sound like prison. It's it's hard. I'm not anywhere else but prison. I'm not like that cancoon or anything. Look at my zoom background. Yeah, your zoom background, I mean it kind of like blurs a little like when you move, which I think is kind
of weird. That's how a static background. That's because of how high the security is. I think I see a ring light in your eyes. It's really nice for them to let you have that fancy recording equipment and you know, and a ring light too. There are some things that you need to have as an individual. Ring nights, internet connection, cell phones, access to Zoom podcasts. You know I need
my Joe Rogan fix. Wow, what a nice prison, all right, and we also have my feel lin Manuel Miranda joining us be a skype from the set of his new movie Hamilton. In the movie the oln Manuel, how are you doing good? That's good to hear. You know you sound different than I remember and the same the same. Well, the lin Manuel, what would you do if you want
the inheritance? I won't get it back to the community in the gronx of only light skinned people in the grons white, the white, these buts in the grounds brown. Only one of you will be moving on to the final round against the Ayolanda. Let's play some family sued alright, same rules. Top five answers are on the board. We asked one hundred of our cousins. If you walked into a teenage boy's bedroom, what is the grossest thing you
might find? The O L chapel. I would have to see other own those dick pics, other uncle's dick pics. Let's see that is, Oh, unfortunately not on the board to you. Fortunately it very well would be, but unfortunately it's not. It's not on the board. Oh that is unfortunate. One strike for you THEO. Alright, de lin Manuel, If you walked into a teenage boy's bedroom, what is the grossest thing you might find? Gross than nothing? Gross ary
tunic experiandip alright, THEO. But unfortunately we will need an answer. What is the grossest thing you might find? Come just straight up, come come into sauce. Okay, let's see if that's on the board. Alright, something covered in semen that is on the board. Alright, one point for ceo lin Manuel, something be covered and sea man alright, THEO chopel what is something What is the grossest thing you might find
in a teenage boy's bedroom? Well, being the head of a cartel, I'd have to say a severed body part, because we all know severed body parts belong in the street. Alright, severed body part. Let's see dead body slash court that is on the chop That would be so gross to find THEO lin Manuel. What is the grossest thing you might find in a teenage boy's bedroom? Fun? What was that? Cheese food slash cheeseburgers? Who being alright, THEO let's see rotten food is on the board. All right, man, Well
you are on fire tonight. How are you how are you feeling? Wow? Too right, Hi, I'm gonna take my power to the power power the people. You're talented. I have two very talented theos, and you know what that brings me to you? With the CHAPO, you have one strike one point. If you walked into a teenage boys bedroom, what is the grossest thing you might find? Show tunes? Show tunes, a show, show tunes, like lyrics to show tunes, and art? Because we're men. Okay, all right, we're a
real man a diary. So you're saying, show two lyrics written in a diary, and it is art, all of that, all of the above, is my answer. All right, let's see. Unfortunately that is not on the board, too is Unfortunately, there's no way this could possibly be rigged, all right, THEO lin Manuel, If you walked into a teenage boy's bedroom, what is the grossest thing you might find? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that. Okay, fine, horn no, poor, no, alright,
THEO that is oh, unfortunately not on the board. But the judges were the judges were a little conflicted on that. But unfortunately that is not on the board. All right. THEO El Chapo, what do you what do you have? You this this next answer really matters. But you have two strikes so far. I think about all the times that I escaped and the grossest things that I've seen, and I'll use a medical term, gotta gotta gotta. That's how they saying in the in the hospit nothing else,
all right? I love ship. Oh alright, the Manuel, please, it's the Chap's turn. I love coca. Thank you the you alright? Gotcha? Oh unfortunate, no, no, Mommy on board the O lin Manuel. You're walking away the winter. Congratulations? Do you, Chap? How do you feel? You know? I feel great because being in Brison, I don't get to talk to anybody. You know. It's not like I am on a private property in Argentina or anything like that. Sure is. It's not like I'm evading. No, no, look,
I feel honored to have met lin Manuel, Miranda. We have such a big family, yo, yo, son, It's been an honor and I will kill every one of you. Oh theol Chapo, I love the way you joke. Thank you for being here. And THEO Lin Manuel. You're going up to the final round against the A Yolanda they're gonna talk on over each other. Stick around after the break. Welcome back to family, Sue. We have my the A Yolanda and my THEO lin Manuel Miranda playing for Grandma
Coco's inheritance, which is seventy five dollars. Sab riles is before top five answers on the board. If you get three wrong, you're out. The player that gets the most correct wins the game. Are you too ready? See me? All right? We asked one hundred of our cousins name something you love to put in your mouth and suck on. The Ayolanda, I just suck Selena so when she's sleeping, Selena to Selena toe toes is on the board. All right, that is for wow, an incredible start, alright, THEO lin Manuel.
We asked one hundred of our cousins name something you love to put in your mouth and suck on. Dag dang you be seven back gavery dick to suck on to Mecca. It be a dick, a dick, penis a penis, I'm gay whatever? Alright, THEO I I'm just gonna go ahead and turn to the board. Oh and penis is not is unfortunately not on the board. I don't think that's what that means. But you have one strike, all right thea Alanda, name something you love to put in
your mouth and suck on? And when I get sad, I asked for a lollipop, lollipop and they don't give it to me, so I have to make up my own from toilet paper in the spoon lollipop. Let's look at the board. Lollipop slash popsicle is on the board, alright, the two points the ollen, Manuel, you're left in the dust. What do you got? Name something you love to put in your mouth and suck on in the bloods you ain't do that ship, so you know, maybe it's so I'm like, I'm thinking to put in my mouth and
suck on a straw. Straw draw glad to look at the board. Straw is not on the board. That is two strikes via Yolanda. Name something you love to put in your mouth and suck on. Pussy? Alright, So theo lin Manuel did say penis, and now you're saying pussy seeing the opposite. I no, no, no, wait wait wait wait wait wait, I changed my mind. You change your mind? Okay, to suck suck on I'm not saying you can't stuck on a pussy, but see you can suck on a busy, right,
But what is your answer? Dia yorlanda solid divars song and baby bottom going with the titty went from pussy to baby bottom to titty, baby bottle, oh, baby bottle to titty. Okay, wow, wow did I miss here? That? All right? Let's see and we have passifire on the board. That that is three points. Landa, Oh, let's see what was left? Cough, wow, lit Manuel, Sorry the way everything went down. Do you have any last words? That's so many words I wanna makeup musical batty, Landa, you were
winning Grandma Coco's inheritance. How do you feel? I yenger, but so stop because because if she was care I want to put her soul in my mouth. I gave it up everything. I cannot believe that. I cannot believe that. God, No, thank you so much. Congratulations they Lamba, that's our show. Thanks for tuning in, And I'm getting word from our producers at the show. Family feud is suing us. Hey, suing is our thing. See you next time. Hi. This is Anna from clown Parade. A lot of recent allegations,
we will no longer be working with Don Saldivar. We apologize for airing any of his episodes in the first place, but we were contractually obligated to w up in the lap