Welcome to another episode of Civic Cipher Army. Host Rams is Jah.
Okay, so some.
People call me q Ward, and I think that's the easiest way to address me, or to say hello, or to introduce me in any public form. It's also the name that I use when I am playing music for rooms full of people that like to dance.
Sir speak on it.
My mother named me Quinton, and I just like to tell people that Q is just a lot easier to pronounce than Quinton. And I know that because for almost forty years, people have been calling me Quentin, which is not my name, but no one feels like saying Quentin.
So here we go, q Ward. Yes, indeed, Hey, you know what. I like that que Yeah. I like that we take the moment.
You know, you got to teach people how to love you, and you know I'm pretty good at that, but you're excellent it and you do it on the radio.
Okay.
So here's the thing though, my part, my brother and my co host. His actual name is Ramses, So Q is like a nickname or like a shortening.
So I like to say my actual name too. Yeah, you know what I mean. I want to let people into my life. A little bit.
Well, so how is Quinton spilled?
I N t O N so quin Ton like a ton of bricks. But when Quinn is in front of it and no one likes to say ton, they say Quintin, Quintin Quinn c even I went over that last week, and I want to go into it. I got some PTSD from my old boss who used to I don't want to talk about it, but Q woard it's easy, and it's when I go by professionally. But you know, sometimes people wonder where the Q came from or what it stands for.
Hey, listen, put some respect on my man's name, and and you know what, put some respect on black names while you're at it one time. And you know that's what we're here to talk about on Civic Cipher today's episode, especially so you might have heard a familiar voice, especially if you grew up anywhere in the Southwest. A dear friend of mine is joining us today to share a story and for us to empower each other and empower you the listener when it comes to dealing with life
in a melanated body. You know, we all have our traumas, we all have our stories, and at this point in our lives. On the other side of a very divisive administration, on this other side of a of a very radical, fiery movement, on the other side of a pandemic, something that none of us have ever lived through. A lot of folks, who will call them non allies, are very They feel very displaced. They feel like they their sense
of normalcy, their position of superiority, has been compromised. They have to wear masks, they have to, you know, accept a different president when they thought they finally got the White House, and you know, all these sorts of things, and these people are acting out in a number of ways.
And we're not just talking about the police.
We're talking about normal, everyday people that you see at the gas station, that you walk down the street and encounter. They feel very much displaced, and we're having to deal with their traumas. And so the voice that you heard again is a dear friend of mine who's come on Civic Cipher, a show that exists for these types of stories,
to tell her story. Her name is Karina. She's a long time radio personality, a legend and incredibly special and import in person in my life, a mentor, among other things, and I'm sure that I'm not. That there's a long list of people that would say the same about you. Not only is it appropriate for you to be on the show, but it's an honor. And you brought along your daughter Aria.
Happy to be here, and you know, I'm given the circumstances, but I'm so happy to be here.
Yes, yes, So.
You know, if this is your first time tuning in the civic cipher, this show was born out of the trauma of.
Our lives, me and you Q.
You know, once upon a time we had bits and pieces of our shows that we had done that kind of pointed in this direction. But you know, we were always keen on having long form conversations and discussions about and having an intellectual approach and compassionate approach to remitting
issues that we had to deal with. Last year, obviously a lot of that stuff came to a head, and working in media, we needed to create a space to be able to share stories, to be able to empower our listeners, to be able to fight false narratives that existed on other media platforms, the news, especially saying that we were doing things that we weren't doing, setting stuff on fire that we weren't doing, you know, these sorts of things rioting when we were being peaceful with our
children out there marching.
And then creating this space. We are also able.
To write our own stories, establish our own narratives, and that's exactly what we're doing today. It feels almost full circle now to have you up to tell me about an incident that I know a little bit about and that Q knows nothing about and.
Q ain't gonna believe.
Yeah, yeah, And so let's get right into it.
Talk to me, tell me about a day in your life.
Wow, let's start with And here's you know. My level of communication is super open and pretty hype, really absolutely and very interactive, so please feel free to interrupt, and
I'm asking you to do the same. Is we have to tell this story because it's our story, and it's probably best if we don't go back and forth and back and forth and I say, well this happened, and we add this sin I just say, we're gonna flow through this and kind of tell you a pretty unbelievable tale if you will, and we'll start.
Go ahead.
Before you get into it, I want to really make sure that I established to our listenership.
That you are.
A more celebrated individual, at least in the city where you live than most people are. I know you to be celebrated in other cities as well, having lived there and established your brand there and so forth. You know, in entertainment and radio, you've been on a number of stages. You've worked with many hip hop artists, you've worked with. You know, you've worked in this industry for decades, well established,
and you know who you are. You've encountered people. This is not an unusual sort of a platform for you to be on. You know how to maintain your composure.
You are a very.
You're very comfortable in the center of yourself and that I think that needs to be well established before we get into this story, because again, the story is a little bit wild, and it doesn't It doesn't cast you or you are in a bad light. Rather, it illuminates the state of the we'll call it the opposition to our progress in recent times, our meaning melanated people's historically disenfranchised.
And no matter how dark or lightly mellenated you are, that's what this is about. It is about more than just being melanated. This is more than just being a person of color. This is being a person of color that sometimes is really not even understood, sometimes right, sometimes
thoroughly denied, and through through the times we've gone through. Honestly, I think it's also really, really really important to stress at the beginning of this that through everything, and I can't thank you enough for everything you just said, I really you know, our relationship goes way back, and he's like, I've raised people in this business and in this community, and I feel like mother to all.
That's my role.
That's been my role for a lot of years. That's also really important to state. It's important to state that I have stood up for us, mellenated people for my entire radio career, my entire life, even even growing up in the seventies in the area of Chicago with a black mother and a white father, in an area where that was not cool, that was not celebrated, that was not a thing, that was almost unheard of. So this is just a quick look at who I am, where I'm from, what I'm about.
I also have four children who have a.
Black father, so they have half black, half white mother, which is way deeper than that, but still black identify as a black person. But this is this also I really want to state it's really important that we talk about at some point in this conversation how melanated you are and whether that matters, because a lot of things were said over the launching and the real like blowing
up of Black Lives Matter. There was a lot of really terrible things said to us, and I mean socially online, things that you take as a direct hit because it's like you're saying, I'm not black enough. Do you have anything to say in all of this? And I know y'all saw that stuff, So we're gonna preface it with all that. And I really do want to tell you this story as a mother on Mother's Day.
So let me set the narrative on that, because it is Mother's Day and I have a really good close relationship with my mom, and every day we start our day happy. We literally are so joyful and happy with each other. So we go to the store and we're just at Sprouts about to She's about to cook for everyone all over, yes, grandbabies, my siblings.
Mother's Day.
And we're going through the store dressed up, dressed up and dresses heal and store every day, so I know everybody in there. We're being just what we are, ourselves, singing Hi to everybody, singing the early two thousand songs playing in there. And then we're about to check out and I see some flowers. I'm like, I'm gonna get you some flowers, and she starts putting our groceries up on them, just on the conveyor belt. I go over,
I make my decision. I come back with a plant, and I'm talking to her about it.
Because in the midst of that, in the midst of that, a woman steps up behind us in line old lady, old, and she's looking at us, and I feel it, but I always feel I don't care. You can look at me. That's why we're shining. I understand that. That's not I can't help that. I'm not gonna dim me for you.
You can look.
I don't mind. So that goes right right past me. But I hear her say to this man. I feel an emptiness on my right. And the next this cash register was open. She's standing directly behind us, and this man from the other side says, ma'am.
You can go right over there. She goes, oh, no, I'm not in any hurry. You go ahead.
He says, no, I'm going over here to self check myself, and he takes his little basket and he goes over there.
She proceeds to stand behind us.
Really important, because this is absolutely unnecessary.
We're minding our business.
She's getting her mother some flowers on flowers on Mother's Day, and this woman chooses to stand directly behind us so she can continue to feel whatever emotion she's feeling while she's observing my daughter saying she wants to.
Get me some flowers on Mother's Day.
So she comes back with the plant after that, not knowing that happened either, not even I'm still putting the stuff on the belt.
Okay, I come over and I'm like, should I get this? She's like, uh, our plants at home have diseases. Just get some flowers. And after she says that, the lady goes, excuse me.
She's and I was like, yes, we're still smiling. So she runs back to get the flowers if they're directly behind us. The flowers are directly behind the register we're on.
And I'm going to grab them. She's like, she's hur she's moving up.
She's almost done with your stuff. I go, but not quite.
So it's okay, and I smiled at her. I said, but she's not quite done. I wasn't even done empty in my cart. I had all this stuff I'm still putting up on the thing, and she's getting hip, dude, she's she's pointing at the belt and I go what I just really didn't even know what she.
Was talking about. She's like, she's almost done with your stuff. I said, not quite? Can I tell her go ahead?
I continue to get the stuff out of the cart and put it on the belt. She walks past the lady.
As I do, she she swears I don't even want me to swear on here, but she's like, move your act. And that's what makes me perk my ears up because I wasn't paying attention to her, and I.
Heard mumbles in her mask. Yes, not knowing what she said and not caring.
I don't care.
She was right next to her, though, so she heard the words coming out of her mouth.
So I turn.
I'm like, literally, I perked my hair. I'm like whatever. I keep walking by and I hear her under her breath. It's terrible to say. She goes in her mask loud enough for me to hear it, and she like literally she made a sound all deep and rasty, and I was like, I go over to there. I literally stop, and I was stuck in my tracks, like is it wait? Did I just hear that correctly? And then I just start immediately just shaking. I'm like, no, this lady can't
be serious she's talking. I just say, hey, it's so crazy, like she's not making it seem like there's no mental illness, just what so I deal with that and I and I don't mean to say crazy, like.
But mental you know, it wasn't.
It wasn't that type of like she wasn't having some kind of like mental outbreak or outburst or there was no like, there was no sickness. She was peratically fine when she told the man, hey, I'm in no big hurry, not worry, no worries going. She was totally fine, and her face was totally fine. While talking to the white man next to us, she was one percent okay with that.
It was the tone, the grunting, the all of this.
Her face was contorted and I saw all of this, and I saw her take her mask down and say something to the lady.
Like yeah, I came back and I finally just grab something. I come back and I said to her, I'm like, you're shameful. What shame on you? I said, I heard what you said, and you're wrong for that.
I was like, and she's like, I didn't hear what she I dare you, honey, I dare you.
You don't want a piece of me, I went.
And I used to hear. She's crying now and not wanting her. Everyone is looking.
And the cash register, the cashier thinks her and I re beefing because she has no idea. This lady is talking to us we know, and she's looking me in my face, and she refuses to go to the next thing, until finally I say to.
Her, Hey, it's Mother's Day. Can we just be peaceable?
And I look at her and I go, hey, hey, please don't let her this lady see your emotion.
She goes, Mom, you don't know what she just said. And I'm not even gonna tell you till we go outside.
And like I said, I don't even care what she said. It doesn't matter what she said. Their words, She goes, they're not just words. I just we're gonna go outside. I'm not gonna tell you in here because we're in this store every day. We have such an awesome reputation. We're in there every day. They know us really well.
We we're so pushing up. She's finishing up as well, because she's making threats. Next side, now she's making threads.
She goes here and I'll see you outside, and I'm gonna see you outside.
B I t h outside over and over and over.
I finally go, hey, listen, we are all going outside in just a second. And I guess this conversation is gonna need to continue out there because I'm not going to keep hearing this from you.
She's still threatening, but she's said to.
Her and she's threatening me. And the cashier goes, I thought you were talking to your daughter. I go, my daughter is lovely. I wouldn't be talking to my daughter like that. She goes, I didn't think so I was so confused. I go, I don't know what this lady's problem is, but I'm just like, I don't even want to walk outside. I just can't even believe what's going on. I cannot ramses. I can't make this, still, weeks later make sense in my head. Why this person even needed
to address me? Why are you talking to me? Why are you looking at me with such disdain? I've literally not even spoken to you, looked at you when I said let's be peaceable, all the threats started and all the literally insanity coming out of herself.
So here's here's one of the things that I think.
Uh and and of course we're going to listen to the rest of the story because it gets deeper, way deeper. That's what we're gonna take a We're gonna take a moment. It's okay. You know, there's this this term Karen. These are karens, and what a Karen is. A Karen is perhaps at her most careenness around black people. But you don't need a black person in order for a Karen
to just be a Karen. A Karen, in my mind, is a usually a white woman who is appropriately entitled based on the way that this country tends to treat white women. They just get what they want. If they cry loud enough, the manager will help them and give them what they want. Just you know, shut up your holler. But a Karen, and on the other side of all of this Black Lives Matter protesting, you know, Karen is the sort of person that comes up with in all
lives matter. You know, Karen is the sort of person that comes up with it. Any other thing matters, but don't say black lives matter. Every everything else matters. Karen is the sort of person who will make will try to make your day worse.
Because on the inside she is miserable.
And it wasn't working. And I felt that I go, she's miserable, don't worry about her just and I kept saying, please just check your she goes. She had her back to the lady because she's like, I don't want her to see me crying.
I hate that I'm feelings about my mom.
Like I work at a luxury car dealership. I have these experiences more than they should. But she said about my mom. So I was like, just trying to time to go. And then that's what was making me cry, because I know I have to keep us for me.
It was the the fact that my daughter is obviously so hurt that she's visibly shaken in public, and not in a way where she could even hold back the emotion.
It was just that raw. It's just that real.
I think there's something to be said too about knowing that you're at a disadvantage when dealing with a Karen, because as soon as you respond in kind, you're the aggressor, you're the threat, you're the criminal, you're the angry black woman, you're any number of things. And she's just a woman who was just trying to move the line along and they minimize.
So you shouldn't be worrying about it.
You know that doesn't matter.
Didn't matter.
That's why you tried to keep your composure. So you guys go outside.
We both I have to give her credit because she really did. She maintained her composure. We went outside, and I knew. Now she's checked out on the belt next to us. I know she's coming because she wants this with me. She's threatening me. She's threatening her, threatening to beat her up, which is cracking me up inside. To be honest with you, I couldn't even get upset yet yet, I couldn't even.
Get up at her.
She's like, I'm not exaggerating, I mean like eighty.
Like he's an eighty year old woman. Now where I'm from.
You respect your elders of any type. And for me, when you get older, you might not really be dealing with the nicest situation or your life. Is I don't know what, and it's not up to me to worry about that. It's up to me to continue to be kind, continue to smile at you, and to be a good example to my child, which is exactly what I was doing. But the threats were just killing me. And I looked at the cashier. I'm like, Yo, this is crazy right here. She needs to stop.
But nobody was really doing anything.
I notice people's attention and I noticed they were looking at her, but I didn't nobody's doing anything. It didn't, it didn't appear. So we start walking out and I say to her, you just keep moving. I don't care what happens right now. You just keep going. You just get the car, get the stuff to the car, get the flowers to the car, get the groceries to the car.
We were unlimited time. I'm trying to.
I'm like, you don't know what she said. I was like, she said, I repeat it, and I'm I didn't want to repeat it. It's so nasty and I've never heard anyone put those two words together, like, it's just really ridiculous, almost, So I just I repeat it to her and she's.
Like, what.
To be clear, the two words were the IN word and the B word together about your mother.
Yeah, okay, like very clearly, very intentional. She wanted me to hear it. And I we're outside, so I keep walking to the car, and I turn and our cars out of that store chest out ready for me. Our cars are actually really close to each other, from each other each other, and they're right at the entrance. So I start putting the stuff in.
She's parked in the handicap spot. Let me give you this. She's in the handicap spot. We walk out, she gets.
The cart, she keeps going, like I tell her, thank God, just keep going, just keep moving. So look quickly, she's there, quickly, and she's coming right at me. Now look first I hadn't even addressed her yet. She's coming at me.
Use all of this inside, and now we're out here and you are still talking. I said, listen, I'm not even trying to hear anything you have to say. When you're gonna call me U mum mmm in front of my daughter and in public, that's just absolutely not cool.
She's I didn't call you the NB, but she said it shesyny.
She didn't say I would say that, like it's natural. She said, I didn't call you that.
I just said you're an F and b I go, why are you calling me anything?
As I'm saying that, she gets this close to my face, takes.
Both old hands and I'm men like just putting maybe two things in the trunk, and I just see her take both her hands and go boom. And my mom's in tall legends. She pushed in a dress both on both shoulders and shoves her over. Every lady is taller, so my mom's in her heels and she's what five six, So she's in the heels and the lady is still taller than.
Her, still bigger than me. And this is it gets better. So wait because she pushes me back. Hang on, hang on, hang on, Yes, it's all blown assault.
She put her hands.
On she I'm glad that she said, yeah, I come running, and she starts punching her four or five times.
Hang on one second, Hang on one second.
Beat up by old lady.
Hang on one second.
Hand I want to beat by eighty year old lady.
Because I want to hear about place. But we gotta uh make sure that folks know what they're listening to. So if you just tune in the civic.
Site for I'm your host Ramsy's joh they call me cute Warden. That is just a variation of my actual name.
Today's guest, we have Karina and Aria Karina the radio legend, the broadcasting legend, and we're in the middle of a story about and a physical assault on your body by from a wild Karen out in the world.
So where we.
Left off, you were saying that you had just gotten out of a grocery store after having a confrontation with this.
Woman verbally inside.
Verbally, and it was over her nothing as it typically is. You get outside and then she pushes you, and I think that's where we left off.
This is a racial slur inside.
In the store. Okay, So continue please.
So I will tell you everything happened so fast from that point that I look up because I literally, when I say I went back, I twisted my ankle. I'm in big old wedges and those are not very sturdy if you're not standing on solid ground. And I'm in a dress, which restricts how.
Because it's Mother's Day, I'm dressed.
I'm dressed up.
So she pushes me back, and I mean I looked up because I am I cannot tell.
You how shocked.
I'm literally like, I'm still actually still kind of laughing because I really don't I can't even fathom that this is really truly happening right now.
I can see the tears in your eyes.
So I just I come back toward her, and she just b she hits me with a barrage of puncheons. I never there's ways, hushed nothing. I eventually grabbed her right arm and just slung it, like, get off of me. And when I did, that was it. She stopped immediately, She's oh, she looks down at her arm. My nails made contact with her skin. And you know how old people, older people have have you ever seen, I've never really seen this melanated people, no bigger like pools of blood
under her skin. She had like all them little brown spots her skin and they have like blood underneath them. And my fingernail made contact with it enough to just like slice one open and that made her stop it. But she was throwing a barrage of wild spears. He just got there and then she goes, oh, I didn't even it didn't beat her arm or anything. I just saw it fling it and I grab her shoulders.
I'm like, you know, nobody hits my mom.
And she runs up and I look and there's this white girl standing there, blonde girl, long, straight hair, young, mid twenties, and.
She's all, no, you stop it? And what I thought you talking to me?
Yep?
We're like, you're talking anymore?
Stop. Two more people come running.
Up, but they are talking to her good yep. These are people who've been waiting for their moment. They know this stuff exists, this is on our side, but they don't think in their lifetime it's ever really gonna happen.
They just know they're gonna fight for us. They're gonna fight for us.
I guarantee you that's the kind of girl who would march for us. She's standing here in this dish's really going down right here.
Right now, and sweets at it. She screams at this lady. This lady jumps in her car and just sits there.
And I hear numerous people screaming call the police and taking me and she's staying there taking pictures of her car.
She sits and I take a picture and I'm telling three people come out and they're like, I was seeing you in there. We were watching you and your mom. But then we thought you were fighting, and the in line we didn't know why you were crying and I was They're like, and one girl goes, I saw you shaking. So I quickly tell her the entire story. And the lady is in the car long enough at least like a minute or two for me to tell the story, them to talk to me and try to console me.
And then we just hear scrap and she tries to run her over with her crowded with me.
And we're like, are you crazy? And we're like, are you serious?
And she do you see what you're getting pictures? Take a picture of what she take to me?
And I didn't even Now I have attacked her.
I have done something to her.
Narrative has changed all of a sudden. Yep, now now she's the victim. Try to you're you're the aggressor.
Yeah, screaming freaking out in the parking.
Let me ask Let me ask you something.
So the people that work at the grocery store, they know you well, where they're where, they're videos or you know you got you got the support them.
So here's what happened.
I go home. I'm mortified. I can't. I can't tell you how long I cried. I just wanted to keep getting it together because I'm about to cook for my grand babies. I don't want to tell the story in front of them. I don't want them to hear any of this. I want to have a nice day. That is what I get only a very short period of time with the babies. So I just wanted to make some French toasts, feed my family, get our pictures, and go on about my day. So I went home. But
it was too much. I was literally choked up witches. I was sick over it. So I called sprouts back, the grocery store back, and I say, I need to talk to the manager who looks like this.
And he gets on the.
Phone and I go, I know you know me. I don't know your name. I've seen you for years. You know my daughter, she has the red afro. I watched you wave at her this morning. Do you do you know who I am?
Yes?
I said, did you have any idea what happened out in your parking lot today or in the store today? No?
Please tell me. I tell him.
He's he's sick, he's sound moved to tears. I'm crying because it's still so fresh, and he is just mortified, apologizing profusely and cannot believe it, and wants me to call the police, and I say, I'm gonna, but I was just I was scared to call the police. I was scared to call the police because I figured at some point, in some way, they're going to figure out how to make this a I did, and I will say what I did was nothing compared to what I
could have done. Partially wanted to do. But what went through my mind, which is not a thirty five year old mine or twenty five year old mine, it's a much older mind than that was if I put this lady on her back, she could die. If I hit this lady in her face, she could die. Now it's just a black person killed this old lady outside the grocery store, and we'll never get to the bottom of it because this dead. That is what honestly went through
my head. And as she came running to assist, I just wanted to make sure nobody us did anything to.
Someone that would end our lives for something we didn't even.
Have anything to do with starting or even instigating or continuing or any of it.
She actually hurt her. She twisted her ankle and she wailed on her. And if I didn't come up there, I mean, I know, oh my mom would have done anything, but she wouldn't have stopped hitting her. She wouldn't have stopped hitting her. She and my mom wouldn't have done anything. She would have just sat there and taken it.
There's no outdoor cameras at the store, so he says, I'll pull all the camera stuff from inside. I'm gonna hang on to it. Please please report this, Please report this.
Send us the video. We'll put it up on the social media. Follow a CIVI excipher.
So then I call the police and I say, I have a story to tell you, but I am just not able to do that.
Today.
It's Mother's Day.
I'm a mother and I want to spend this day celebrating my children and my life. And they said, I said, and it's horrible, and I just want to tell you tomorrow. And they said, okay, yeah, call us when you're comfortable. So I did, still scared to call.
I wish you had gotten contact information for some of those people who did park and live.
I did, okay, oh, yes we did. They were glad to give their They were like, please take our information. I got to tell you the best part. We get behind the car, take a license plate. I hadn't even looked at it till I was talking to the police. Disabled vet plates.
Yep, America.
That was it for me, was I thought, Oh, okay, I got a deeper idea. Why she feels like she feels she's.
She's that person entitlement. This is our country.
I will tell you the problem I'm having now weeks later is I did call the police, and they were very compassionate, and they did listen, and he did ask me if I wanted to press charges, and I said absolutely, because this is a hate crime. She attacked me. I did not touch her. I did not instigate any of this or even want any of this, clearly, and I don't think this is the first time she's behaved this way, and I don't think that it could.
Be the last.
Because she feels entitled to do this, she feels okay with it, and she literally was fine with the whole scenario. So to me, I don't care how old or young she is, who she is, what she's done, what happened that day not acceptable, not okay, agreeable. The officer was very agreeable and very apologetic and very feeling really bad about the whole thing. But I haven't heard from them since a DETECTIVEILL call you in a day or two.
I haven't heard from them since I took the block off my phone so that anyone who calls me, I can answer it hasn't happened.
Well, you know, there's a lot to be said about I mean, a public enemy said nine to one one is a joke, you know, And I don't want to make this show about that. This episode is not about that specifically, because we could dedicate a whole lot of resources.
To just that song and just that sentiment.
But I don't imagine that in the city of Phoenix, Arizona, something that would be regarded as a hate crime is ever going to be given top priority. When a black woman is attacked at a grocery store by an older white woman.
I feel like I would have been in cuffs if I would have hurt her, if she would have been Look, she didn't call police.
Down my door.
They're not looking at me. She didn't call police because she knew she was wrong. When she took off and tried to run over her. She still knew she was wrong when she was cussing out everybody else in the parking lot. She knew she was wrong.
Absolutely. So I think that, you know, there's.
There's a number of things that we can learn from this, and I appreciate you telling the story because what it does is it gives a lot of insight into the mind of a black person, specifically a black woman, when having to make those decisions, because i'd imagine that in your mind, every decision you make while that's happening is
a life and death decision potentially absolutely. Furthermore, you know, navigating these tricky waters is extremely difficult on your own and I want to these are nameless people because I don't know them. I'm sure you do, but unfortunately we can't name them in this setting. But ultimately it ended up being the case that you weren't alone. There were people there who knew how to stand up for black lives. They knew how to stand up for human lives.
Yes, and swiftly.
If you see something, don't just let it go down. You know that the and and whoever these people were. If you were at the spouts on Mother's Day and uh, you know you were a part of this. You know, kudos to you. You know, if I get to heaven before you, I'll make sure that God makes a place for you, because that's what kind That's what happens with
kind people at the end of their life. And you know, there's a lot of folks that reach out to to me and to you, and you know they hear what we do on the show, and you know they're very moved by stories like yours and some you know, stories that we discuss in some of the traumas and things like that, and it's not a part of their life, but they can feel it through a human connection.
I see your tears. I see your tears.
It's about.
I've connected with people for a long time. I've been the person to stand up for anyone.
But it was.
Very I guess it confirmed. But again, it's so weird that we would have the fear. It's so strange that we would have the fear, but it also makes so much sense in the world that we're living in. But I will say it was really heartwarming to have someone come to my aid. And it's sad that I didn't even think they were at first, that I was like how dare you yell at me? I didn't do anything for her, And for them to be like no, no, no, they were just so.
They were so.
Willing to stand in between her, to stand in me, between us, and to say you're not going to do anything else.
This is crazy.
And I will say that that has restored some of my faith in humans, especially when things have been so crazy. They've been so crazy. But I do think that we do need to show more compassion for not just I mean anyone of color.
You have to understand that people with skin.
That's just a little bit darker than what someone else might be comfortable with is able to be a target, is able to feel someone's hate. It's crazy because I love how Aria started this is we are such a loving family and so loving to people, to humans, which is we love people.
With kindness and loving, loving actions back. And I do mean on the daily I work. I mentioned this at a place in an environment that is very racially hostile. Daily i'm and she does smile person of color that is seen in the dealership. And then I brought one other person to work there, and if it weren't for me, it would be only white people in there, and so every day people are confident enough because I'm nice and I'm kind to talk to me however they want say
whatever comments they want to say. You know, they're they're all older. So they say classic racist jokes and classic things about my hair, and they wish my hair got pulled in school. I'm like what, And I literally come.
Back outrageous because I know and there's something to be said.
My son, Christian, he wears his hair the way it comes. I love that about him, and it's this gigantic, majestic thing, this huge afro.
He just grows.
A nice one has to do you And so I know what it means to wear your hair proudly if you can grow it that way. My baby does that. He wears it the school. There's a little backpack and floppyr hair all around.
You know, I commend you for that. I think that's special. I think the world needs more.
Of that type of that specific type of beauty.
And fearlessness because it doesn't matter what everyone says. That's the main also main takeaway is that as nasty as people are, you can still be your kind self and your light will always shine through.
Absolutely.
That's why I say classy as she holds her head high and she takes the comments and the insults and turns.
In a moment she does, She's like, I'm teaching men.
To teach you how how a classy black person that you don't expect me to react in the way that I'm going to because of what you just said. You expect me to react with harshness, expect me to react with the exact behavior they're displaying towards me. And I'm like, listen, I don't have to behave the way that they expect from me, but I have had to work on my reactions because I used to smile because I am so taken aback. And then I'm like, oh wow, oh wow,
I'm laughing with them. I'm letting them laugh at me, and I'm laughing with them. So I just definitely show them, Okay, what you just said isn't right. I don't have to say anything to you, but the way I behave is going to teach you. And then I'm going to continue helping you the way I am. And then you're gonna feel bad, and you're gonna feel bad.
You know what I'm gonna if If if you don't mind, I'm gonna tell a story because I think I think that is you know, a real big part of this show was to make sure that we were able to not only tell our own stories, but to empower the
folks that support us. You know, they may not look like us, may not be able to relate directly with our experiences, but through their own conviction and kindness and their own hearts, recognize that perhaps their African brothers and sisters, or their their Native brothers and sisters, their Mexican brothers and sisters, or otherwise some other form of LATINX person or you know whoever, might have been born with one or more strikes against them, and they would like to see a.
More fair world.
There's a man I know named Martin. I can say his name because he's a friend of mine. Martin is an older white man, excellent person. And you're gonna hear what I'm about to say about him, and doesn't sound like he's an excellent person, but he is.
I know him.
He's older, and I know that I tend to be a little bit more forgiving, and I know that he didn't say anything crazy to me. But I'm functioning in the capacity of an ally to now my Jewish brothers and sisters, and so hopefully this story will show you how to be an ally. And then I want to say something about white pause, so let me forget that. So anyway, one day I'm with Martin and he's telling
me about some business stuff. You know, he's having a big old time, and he says something, and forgive me, I have to say it the way that he said it, or if you understand, but he says, yeah, you know, these people were trying to jew me out of some money, right, And you know, in the middle of a long story, when you're kind of riding along with the guy, and you know, it doesn't really feel like a pregnant pause where you can jump in there and say, hey man,
so you said that. You know, you just kind of kind of go with the flow, kind of like what you were saying Aria when you were at work and people say joke and you're laughing along with them. So I found myself in a similar situation before too, where I'm like, you know, I wouldn't say I was laughing along, but I was listening along as though he.
Didn't say that.
That to me is absolutely unacceptable because I would want my Jewish brothers and sisters to advocate for me if the tables were turned and they were able to step forward and say, hey, that's not that's not what we do around here. And so Martin, being an excellent person, remember, finished his brief stating his brief, and and.
You know we.
You know, as something came up, I think, and it caused us to have to go different directions, maybe a phone call, maybe something something life happened, and I knew in the middle of myself that I could not hold or expect to hold anyone else to that standard if I did not make it a point right now, Like when you're training a puppy not to compare them to a puppy, or you're teaching a child not to compare them to a child. But humans and animal we all
learn in a very similar way. You know, we have to deal with it right now, not in hindsight, and you know, hey, this happened, this is this is what you did, this is how it made me feel, and this is what I need you to do in the future. Very simple, We're all very simple creatures. If we have a little bit of compassion. That formula works ninety nine times out of one hundred.
So I waited.
It might have been three to four minutes, which to me felt like an eturn because in that three to four minutes, I was absolutely failing my Jewish brothers and sisters, you know, and this guy was getting away with it, and I'm like, nah, I can't, I can't. So I had to let him finish up. But I was burning right. But what I did was when I approached him just like you did, are you. I approached him with kindness in my voice and in my heart, and I says, hey man, listen, I know you. I know that you
mean well. I know that you didn't mean this to sound the way that it did. I'm sure one sure this man has not a problem with a soul. Doesn't matter if you're Jewish, Muslim, black, he's white, I'm black, you know what I mean. That's about as far apart as if he was going to have an issue with somebody, it would definitely be me, because I am the one. I promise you that. But I told him, like, hey man, when you said that that a person was trying to jew you out of money, I'm not sure that you
understand what you were actually saying. So that's a reference to Jewish people, and that's based on a stereotype that isn't true. It just is flat not true, and it's mean spirited. And as soon as I said it was not true, he said, oh my god. But by then the ball was rolling right, and so he let me say my piece, you know, and he says, listen, man, I absolutely, you're asolutely right. I did not mean it
that way. I can't believe that I said it. Hearing it back from you lets me know how awful that sounds, you know. And you know, we had a back and forth. I don't want to take too much time talking about him, but we had a back and forth, and he resolved in that moment never to say that again, but not only that, to police his streams of consciousness a bit better.
And so to your point, Aria, when you were at work and these people were telling jokes and you're kind of laughing along, and you catch yourself in the midd like, wait a minute, am I empowering this behavior? Am I co signing this behavior? Once at the point at which you check that and you say it, and you can be kind because I recognize there's a power dynamic.
Sometimes there's money involved.
And there's economics, and we live in a capitalistic society, which informs our behavior at many points along the way. That you're absolutely right when you take a moment and you say with kindness and forgiveness, if forgiveness is already there, you know, and this is this is not for Aria because she obviously knows how to behave this is for you listening. You know, if you find yourself in that situation, you can absolutely take a moment educate people to be the best version of themselves.
And that can be so quickly done. It's easily done. I had a woman in a class I was taking a workout class was said, kinky hair, And I just said, could just say curly because we were talking about curly hair. There you go, It could just say curly, very very It was easy, but it made me feel better.
That's I figure from now on that could be a fense.
Listen, at this point in our life, in the human story, those moments, Yeah.
That's what I was saying.
At this point in there in our human story and then the American story, we are taking a moment to really come to terms of our feelings capitalism.
Q and I are really strong.
Critics of capitalism, but capitalism has robbed us of a lot of what capitalism makes us think that money is happiness. And I guarantee you when I spend time with my son, I don't think about money. I just think about what's happening. And before we move on, I want to take this moment to remind you that you are tuned into civic cipher. I'm your host Rams's job.
So people call me q War, but I think necessary because I introduce myself that way. That's the title that I've chosen for myself. I don't want to make it like people put that on me.
You know.
Q War is how I present myself to the world. So that's what they call me, but that's what I call me too. If that makes sense, absolutely absolutely does.
And you know, we're taking a moment to talk about Allies and while I while we're here, I do want to say one more brief story about Allies, and then I want to talk about the trauma that the our opposition is enduring and how it manifests self and stories like the ones that you told earlier in the show, Karina and Aria told earlier in the show. So real quick story about Allies there's an organization called White Pause
and that stands for White People against White Supremacy. I think that's an excellent name, and I've heard of these people. In fact, we had a guest once on the show, twice on the show in Tessa Ferroll and I don't know that she's a member, but she works very closely with him, and she's white.
Is a ghost? Why does it come? You know what I mean?
And the kindest person, just an amazing human being and has dedicated much of her life to making the world a more fair place for people that look nothing like her at her own expense, right, And I found when I ultimately came into contact with the White Paws that
they're really about that action. And I want to shout that organization out because if there are people like the ones who responded to your incident where you were attacked physically by a white woman just minding your own business on Mother's Day with your family, with your daughter, that those people who are fueled by that same conviction can actually attach themselves to a cause that I believe is
very noble. And I'll tell a quick story about them when I actually came in contact with them directly out in the world. I had to perform at an event. I had a DJ at an event. It was a social justice event. It was a protest, you know, that sort of a thing. I'm out on the streets and I have my son with me. I have two sons. My little boy was with me this day. He's six years old and very very much my shadow. He is
right next to me everywhere I go. I also have to carry equipment to and from this event and DJ. And there was a lot of whispers about, you know, the police descending on the event and making it into you know, shifting the optics around and you know, or whatever. And when you're there with your son, you know, your mind goes in a very you get a little bit more paranoid than the normal black male paranoia that you know, just kind of accompanies, you know, us throughout our life.
And I'm sure black female trauma or paranoia as well. But we've spoken about out blackmail paranoia on the show que and I have. So anyway, the time comes, the incident or the event goes off without incident, and it's time to pack up. And now I'm most vulnerable because they can pull up, you know, on me as I'm wheeling all my speakers and turntables and everything back to
my car, and I'm walking with my son. And you remember one time, and I apologize, I'm not able to tell the whole story, but you remember one time we told a storyque on the show and we talked about a video and he said, they arrested me, Daddy. I'll never forget that, and that's something that I don't want my son to ever even come close to.
Right.
So I've started thinking about this, and I'm like, you know, these police are standing around here, you know, and I'm the man on the microphone here, and these people are chanting and they're you know, and I'm you know, I'm with it.
You know.
That's what I signed up for. And I'm gonna, you know, I'm I'm gonna live on my feet, you know what I mean. I'm gonna stand tall. But I still don't want my son, at six years old, to be traumatized by something crazy. And the white paws out of nowhere come up to me and they say, hey, would it be okay if we walk you to your car right now? Dig this, I'm a grown man. I'm not no big gangster. I'm not no fight or nothing like that, but please don't run upon me. I'm not the one, nor am
I the two. But that day that energy from the white pause was very welcome. They were like, Hey, if anything happens, we are going to be your line of defense because they won't try it with us, they might try it with you. And them knowing that and using that privilege to support me in that moment. Those people out in front of that sprouts knowing their privilege and using it to support you on that moment, that's beautiful
and that's how you become an ally. And I think that taking a moment to tell these stories about the allies make ensures that this is not just a traumatic event, but that you know, we're able to celebrate a part of it. And I do want to take at least a moment to talk about the other side, because we have to fortify ourselves against dealing with that. But for now, thank you, if you are an ally, thank you for taking the time to see the world through someone else's lens.
I want to just jump in with this. One last thought from my communication with the police department is he thanked me for speaking up because he said to me, this is happening a lot more than you know right now, Yeah, that's right, And so I want to say that to our allies so they feel empowered to speak up, to defend, to stand in, to say something, to use your privilege to actually help, not just stand by and watch. And
that day, they didn't just stand by and watch. They stood in, They stood up, they stood between stood for us, with us to talk about it. And I want that to be really talked about because when he said to me, thank you for speaking up, because we get this a lot, but people are afraid to call.
Us, I know just what he meant. I was literally afraid. I said.
That's the thing that made me cry the most talking to him is I was scared to call you. I was scared to have this conversation. So that's a weird place to be. But I just want it to be said that, yes, absolutely that it is a good feeling to be on the receiving end of someone standing up for you.
And you know, I'm not gonna I'm not going to pretend that.
You know, we haven't had episodes on the show where we've been very critical of the police, but I think that that moment illustrates how policing is a lot of different things, and it doesn't all need to be under the same umbrella. Because you know, if your job is to respond to you know, uh, a mental episode, or your your job is to people feel protected, I don't think that that necessarily requires a gun, because I don't think a gun changed that part of your story at all.
Him having a gun, not one bit. Just the fact that he was listening and he could do something didn't require a gun, and so and then, you know, before we leave, I do want to say this one piece.
Again.
This is a different world that we live in. Black people live in a different world. Our brown brothers and sisters live in a different world, Our Native brothers in, our Asian American and Pacific Islander brothers and sisters live in a different world. And our white brothers and sisters
live in a different world. And for those people who have been sold this idea of the American dream, falsely sold it and it bought into it, and they grew up and they turned thirty and they turned forty, and they weren't rock stars, and they weren't famous radio people like you, and they weren't you know, their dreams didn't come true. They have news networks and alternative narratives that frame people like us, people with color in our skins,
as the reason that they haven't achieved their dreams. And at this point in their lives, they are particularly provocable and they will stand behind their privilege and try their best to ruin your day or even your life. And so I wanted to leave you with that just so that you're empowered and that you watch yourselves out there. But that's going to do it for us here on Civic Cipher Once again, I'm Ramsey's job who called me q ward special. Thanks to Karina and to Aria for
coming up on the show. You and please check out the website Civiccipher dot com. If you missed the first part of the show, you can download this in all previous episodes, make a donation and follow us on our journey and until next week, y'all Peace,