Welcome to another episode of Civic Sipher. I'my host, rams is Jah.
They called me q Ward and that just so happens to be my actual name.
Yes, indeed, another one for you today, a big one for you. Crazy week. You say that every week, but unfortunate saying that every week. Unfortunately, Yeah, a lot to talk about, and the sad reality is that, unfortunately this is an hour long show, and so I already know that we won't be able to cover everything that's happened in this past week, but we will cover some important things, some things that are a long time coming, and of course we'll try to discuss some of the police interactions
that have taken place on the streets this week. If we have enough time, we're going to talk about what happened in Virginia with you know, the police pepper spring, the Army lieutenant pulling him out of his vehicle, and of course we have to talk about what happened in Minnesota with the police officer mistaking her taser for a gun and how that resulted in another lost life for
all of us human beings. And so please stay tuned because there's those and like fifteen more that we've discussed during this week, you and I and we just know that it's very sad. You have to understand that when we do this show, we have to watch all of these videos, we have to like live that trauma, and we do it with the intent of sharing it. And again it's not always possible to share everything, but we will do our best. But before we get there, we
have something that is equally important. As I stated, long overdue. You know, we we have discussed, you know, things that have happened with our Asian American Pacific Islander brothers and sisters, and how the climate in the country has kind of shifted in such a way to where they are under attack more than they have been in recent years. But according to the history of this country, it's nothing new because they, just like us, are very easy target when
things become convenient for the majority. But because of you know, we had to discuss voter suppression, we had to discuss you know, all these things that were happening, and you know, the way the schedule of the show works, we didn't get to have this conversation until now, but again just as important and so on today's episode we have Shela U. So thank you very much for joining us, of course, of course, and she is a member of the AAPI Democratic Caucus as well as an activist and an artist.
And I've seen some of your art as well, and so wonderful to have you on the show today to discuss, you know, the goings on with respect to your community. Now, because this is a radio show, not everyone can see what you look like, and so I'd like for you to give them a background of you know, your ethnicity, and then also, you know, talk about yourself a little bit. You know, your your place in the city and how you came to hold these positions and so forth.
Yeah, I come from Chinese Chinese parents. I'm Chinese American. I identify as Chinese American. My parents immigrated here from Taiwan with the intention to raise my brother and I here in Arizona, to give us better lives. I thought that the education system was better here. So here we are, and how I came to where I'm at right now, that's a long conversation.
Some people they have a story that's like propelled them into like becoming an activist.
Or whatever, and so yeah, okay, I think if I go back. I was thinking about it on the way here. Actually, I always root for the underdog because I get really frustrated when I see any kind of injustice happening. I think fundamentally, I have a sense of empathy and clear conscience around humanity and just moral direction, you know, just just on the just like flatline, Let's be good people to each other, no matter what the background is, you know,
we all deserve a chance to live good lives. And I was a massage therapist for ten years and have always had art and music as a part of my life, but didn't really feel like I necessarily had the confidence
to go out strongly. And this last year, twenty twenty Crazy year, I had the chance to be at home for two months with nothing to do but my art and music, and so I took that time to really explore and to have that space almost like remember like back in the day when you were a kid, like summertime and time didn't really exist and you're just out
there doing your thing. Like I got reacquainted with that part of me, and having that spaciousness to sit and create and just be with myself and not feel obligated to anything else gave me confidence and then wrapped up into that, which I think is really key is the social unrest. Obviously, the Black Lives Matter movement was a really big component of just the whole year twenty twenty.
I think was really key. Taking the time to listen to our current civil rights leaders Tana Sea Coats, I was reading even Kendy, you know, just trying to understand where I fit into this picture and then wrapped up into that was the pandemic and being then targeted as a scapegoat and recognizing like I'm just going to jump
into it. Are okay, Okay. What I think is important for Asian Americans, if we are not already feeling this, I think we need to recognize that we now know what it feels like to have targets on our backs in the modern world, and understanding that this is not new for our black and brown brothers and sisters, and to recognize that we have to do a lot of soul searching to know that our struggles, though may appear different, are actually very similar. And it is racism, it's perceptions
of power, it's power over its oppression. So that is big component of what I'm trying to reckon with within myself, and so I really want to say thank you for giving me the opportunity to come set of the table. I've been having these conversations with my Asian American friends about how this is new for us. Asian Americans have been silent, and there's a big history of why that is.
We can go into that, I can talk about that, but it has prevented us from feeling safe or comfortable to speak out on matters, and right now is a reckoning and we have to take the time to speak up. So here I am hello.
So and we appreciate it, of course, and you're always welcome. That's what this space is for. I do want to say that you know, this show is not designed to look in the past, and we're not looking backwards in terms of you know, who did what to who that sort of a thing. We're really looking forward generally speaking. Obviously, we have to account for the past and we have to really deal with it, but that's the space that we try to maintain here. So you know, there's really
no worries. We're all about community and moving forward. So again, we appreciate you coming up. This table is your table as much as it is anyone else who is a part of the human race. It is a decidedly black space, but you know, my understanding is that all people are born from out of black people, and so this is a space for all of our children, if you will, So we're going to get there together. I do want to share a quick story, and that's that I met Shella at.
A stop Asian hate rally slash candlelight vigil for the victims of the shooting in Georgia.
And that was heavy, and I think that I don't know why I'm saying this, but I feel like I need to say it. It felt kind of news that might be a mouthful, that might be very sad, but it's almost like when we hear about black people losing their lives at the hands of white supremacy directly, indirectly, whatever the kid, the police brutality and justice, you know, and so forth, it's almost like a normal kind of pain.
And because we deal with it so frequently, maybe it's that we know how to cry in a way that is I don't know, is that I don't want to deny anyone's feelings who's lost someone or who has felt their feelings. But what I'm trying to say is that this event, the Stop Asian Hate Slash Candlelight Vigil. The pain felt different, and I was there and I mourned with a people that were coming to terms with you know, as you mentioned, a new reality, and for black folks,
it's not a new reality. It still hurts. And you know, I understand that all of us human beings, no matter what side you're on, we all love our dearly departed. But to mourn with folks who had not, really it's like kind of like we're just born to cry, you know, and then when you see people who are not, it's like, oh no, in your heart goes out in a different way, I suppose. But it was very meaningful to meet you there and some of the other folks that you work with.
Of course, it was a beautiful event. I was glad that I was able to participate and listen to the leadership. I participated just by you know, holding a candle. I did not speak. It was not my place to do that.
I was just there to participate, and it was beautiful and it was a time for me to learn, and I think that that's something that I learned by watching so many of the other folks that came out in twenty twenty to the blm rallies, or to the Wee Rising events, or to the other events that took place on the streets where there were black spaces and black leadership. It shared black ideas with black folks and everyone else
who came to support. And in this space where I met you, it was just beautiful to see all the members of all but the members that put on the event from the API community, you know, take the microphone, speak with conviction and so forth, and so not only was it beautiful, it was I think it was healthy, and it was of course necessary. I want to read something, and please forgive me. I think it's very important. I
had we call her our teacher, doctor Kimilla Westernberg. She was on the show when we were first able to broach the subject of you know, stop Asian hate, and she shared a passage with me that she wanted me to read on the radio. And I've been saving it for this episode, and so I want to share it with our listeners if if there are no objections. So this is from a woman named Isabella Wilkerson. It's from a book called Cast the Origins of Our Discontents, and
it goes as follows. We in the developed world are like homeowners who inherited a house on a piece of land that is beautiful on the outside, but whose soil is unstable, loam and rock heaving and contracting over generations, cracks patched, but the deeper ruptures waved away for decades centuries. Even many people may rightly say I had nothing to do with how this all started. I have nothing to
do with the sins of the past. My ancestors never attacked indigenous people, never owned slaves, and yes, none of us was here when this house was built. Our immediate ancestors may have had nothing to do with it. But here we are, the current occupants of a property with stress cracks and bowed walls and fissures built into the foundation. We are the heirs to whatever is right or wrong with it. We did not erect the uneven pillars or joists, but they are ours to deal with now, and any
further deterioration is in fact on our hands. Unaddressed, the ruptures and diagonal cracks will not fix themselves. The toxins will not go away, but rather will spread, leech, and mutate, as they already have. When people live in an old house. They come to adjust to the idiosyncrasies and outright dangers skulking in an old structure. They put buckets under a wet ceiling, prop up groaning floors, learn to step over that rotting wood tread in the staircase. The awkward becomes acceptable,
and the unacceptable will becomes merely inconvenient. Live with it long enough, and the unthinkable becomes normal. And so I did want to talk about some of the historic events that have taken place, and I know that we don't have time to go into all of them, and so I implore you, if you're listening to our show today to check out our social media. Everything is at Civic Cipher CIVS C C I P H E R. But in this moment, I'm referring to our Instagram or our Facebook page.
And we posted earlier in the weeks some examples of some historic examples of discrimination against the AAPI community in mass by the government. It's not hidden, it's not written in a funny way. It's it's not you know, disguised. You know they like to disguise racism and legally and you know, bills and whatever legislature. No, it was outright written that way. And you know, I'm not sure how it feels to grow up with that history. I'm not
sure if a lot of folks know about it. But we the Black Delegation, have certainly done our best to hold this country accountable for things like that, and far be it from us to forget about those things right now when our brothers and sisters are in a time of need and we need government action and government protections
and so forth. But I did want to ask you what was it that went through your head when you saw and I'm sure you did, that video of the man attacking the woman out in front of the hotel, or what went through your head when you learned that a person went into these this massage parlor and you know, what is it like to wake up on that morning? Because a lot of folks don't know what what that experience is like.
Well, m it feels like an attack on your body. As a young Chinese American woman who has dealt with a number of sexualization over the years and having this is the thing about the Asian American experience is that so much are shoved under the table, and so most of the time we don't have spaces to deal with
the trauma, deal with the pain. I'm really grateful I've had a group of Asian American, mostly women, that I've been able to hold space for each other because it had that particular week when I found out about the shootings. It was really painful. It was it made me walk differently, It made me carry myself differently. When I when I've walked into public spaces, it's like suddenly I'm I'm walking around with armor, and like my whole body is tense
and whereas my natural demeanor is smiling, friendly. I like to say hi to everybody. But these experiences are forcing us to really question why I've had to recognize and take some time with myself and realize like part of how I carry myself and why I make a point to speak is because I want people to recognize really quickly, like hey, I'm from here. I don't have an accent. But the truth is not everybody can show up that way.
Like my parents, they both have accents. It's it's harder to hide, you know, And especially right now we've got masks on, we're walking into spaces like there have been moments when I've left public places, stores, like walking at a home deep way. The other day. I actually ended up calling a friend because I was on the brink of a panic attack. It's like that feeling where I I don't know if something's about to happen, and you walk out of a public space and feel like, oh, wow,
I just I survived. I didn't I survive without any racial slurs, without any dirty looks. And a lot of Asian Americans are feeling that way. We're feeling that way before these shootings because of the former occupant of the White House saying scapegoating Asians.
Yeah, you don't have to say what he said.
Yeah, yeah, we know what he did, causing that discomfort. And so this, this is showing the true colors of what that kind of languaging does to this like underbelly of America. Right, I've been like sitting a lot with like, oh we really, we really exist in two Americas.
Actually that was kind of what I was thinking. It might feel like. Now this is not the same, And this is only me trying to empathize, not trying to write the story. But I would imagine it's like one day waking up and feeling like a stranger in your own house. You know, you mentioned your parents, and I know what it's like to worry about your parents. That feeling sucks because you can't. You have to. You know, this is capitalism. We have to get out here and
get busy, so you can't. You know, watch folks every day, especially people who are vulnerable, people who don't have the same fight in them, and you recognize that they're in a vulnerable stage, and so, you know, I think it really helps to know what that's like so that we can understand and better empathize. You know, I want to share something briefly. You know, before Q and I started the show, we had a conversation with my older brother
whose mother is Korean. His name is raka Iris Science of the Dilated Peopils for folks who don't know, and he's the one who made sure that we built into the show, which we put down of course, but he wanted to make it a point that it was a space where we could also allow other folks to come to the table and share their stories. It was it was important that we rise in solidarity. And you know, his mother is one of those people. You know, she's
an Asian woman. I know her. She used to change my diapers when I was little, you know so, and she still loves me, she loves my kids, you know everything, the kindest person and to know how vulnerable she was and it is now is particularly concerning. But also he made sure to mention some some resources that folks can, you know, check out if they want to be more supportive.
So I want to read some of the things that he mentioned, and of course I want you to offer some resources for folks who can, who are willing to offer even just showing up and holding a candle, they want to donate money, any anything like that. But before we get there, you know, I checked out some resources on social media and if you're on Instagram, these will really work for you. One is Asians with Attitudes on Instagram.
If you look those guys up there right on top of this, they have a lot of things that really shine a light into the AAPI community and experience that you otherwise would not know about. And we follow them from the Civic Sipher page and we've been able to have establish a dialogue and let them know that we're willing to support whenever we can. Another one is at Next Shark, which is another group that does the same thing. And then there's another one Asians never die. I like
that word or I like that name. But that's another one, you know that he mentioned. And then of course we went on to have a conversation about the history between black people and Asian people in this country and how you know, in a lot of ways we've been able to support each other, but in a lot of ways there's still a lot of growth that we need in that relationship so that we can really be there for
each other in the ways that are really important. So you know, more to come on that, But before we go to break, I want you to mention any resources that you may know that books can take advantage of.
Yeah, something I think is great is these bystander intervention workshops that have been coming out. I was on the Asian Americans Advancing Justice website. They're out of Chicago and they do online workshops and so a lot of them are flow right now, but stay on and like you know, check them out and make sure that you can see what they're doing. And then also in Arizona there's a z A A NHPI for Equity and they do a lot of great work to provide resources.
More time, what was that.
A Z A NHPI for equity. Okay, they've got a lot of great resources.
Awesome, Okay, very good. So a lot to work with there. And if you're just tuning into Civic Cipher, I'm your host, Rams, It's Josh. They call me q Ward Special guests in the building. Shella, you was a member of the A A p I Democratic Caucus who is just a wonderful human being and helping share an experience with all of us that we may not know about. And of course resources to help support our Asian American and Pacific Islander brothers and sisters. And uh, we also need to talk
about the goings on of this week. Q I want you to do this because this week has been really tough for me. I know it's been super tough for you, but I want to share a story before I pass the mic off. You know, as as I mentioned when we started the show, we have to watch all of these videos. It's not like you know that if you if you know, you know that at a point you
just don't need to see it. You know, the way the story goes, you don't need to see a human being get executed, or you don't need to see someone get hurt. It doesn't it's not cool to watch it. It's so taxing and draining emotionally on your spirit. And then once everything is drained from your spirit, you find that all that's left in that space is tears. And you know, you try to be as tough guy as
you want to be. You know, I don't really try to be a tough guy, but you know, I'm old enough to feel what I feel and not makeing excuses for it. And I really do feel it. But this week I was. I picked up my son from school. You know, he's in kindergarten. You got out at ten thirty or whatever. And then we went to grandma's house, and I know she's listening, So I love you, Gotti. We went there and you my son got to hang out with his grandma, and then he went upstairs to
play with his cousins and that was that. And so she and I are downstairs and we're talking. And if you know Gotty, she's a New Yorker Black, the most amazing person, just the light in so many people's lives. And I need you to know that because I need you to understand what happened. We got to talking, and I says, hey, Gotty, I got to step outside for a second because Q texted me a video that I need to watch because he said he can't watch any
more videos. And got He asks me, well, what happened, and I says, well, the police pulled over a young man and the officer says she mistook her hazer for a gun. They shot the boy. The young man he's twenty. I'm thirty eight. I was an adult before he was born. I think I can have that, but you can't call him a boy. That's bad for your health. But they shot him and he died in his car. He tried to get away from the police, and we got to talk him, and you know, everybody asks what happened, but
God he knows better, because God he knows that. You know, it's common for any creature endowed with consciousness to seek their customary freedom first and foremost, and anybody that challenges that narrative, I immediately don't have any more space for a conversation with you. But if I allowed for you to get that off in my space, the next thing
would be, you know, why why is he running? You know all these questions right now, I don't know how true any of this stuff is, but I had to do some research, and what I found is that he had had he was too young to be carrying a gun once upon a time, which is the same crime that the guy in where was he when he shot those people? The protesters rittenhouse, I think is his name, and Kenosha there you go, same crime that he had. You know, he had he was too young to carry
a gun, and you know I know that. Immediately folks minds go to, oh, and then he ran from the police before, perhaps for carrying a gun, And folks minds go to, Okay, well, you know, why was he carrying a gun in the first place? And I think right there the hypocrisy begins because at that point, what we've done is we've reframed this young man as criminal with criminal intent, which may or may not be the case.
But I think to judge that is extremely unfair because as a citizen of the United States, the only person that could should judge him is an actual judge. Certainly shouldn't be judged, tried, and executed on the street. But I think that also that narrative fails to account for so many other things, not the least of which is that this whole country is gun crazy. The guns are the cause and the solution quote unquote to all of our problems. Guns and money. And you'll find if you
get old enough, then money won't save you. And you'll find that if somebody pulls a gun out quicker than you, that a gun won't save you. Guns are not for protection. Guns are for murdering. Protection is a bulletproof best think about it. But you know, these are just my thoughts. The main thing that I think that folks have failed to come to terms with is the history of why a twenty year old child on his journey feel so afraid of the world that he needs to carry a gun.
And my belief and what I've seen more often than not, even when I listen to music that glorifies these sorts of things, and when I watch movies, the types of movies that are about you know, the places where Q and I come from, Compton, Detroit, you know, cities like that, is that the idea there is I'd rather be caught with it than caught without it. And so you come from an environment where having access to a weapon like that may serve as preventative protection. You know, and I'll
allow for that. Again, I'm not a gun person at all. You know that because we argue about it all the time, but you know, I've had to allow for that space. I walk my path and everyone else walks theirs. But that environment was not created by black people to be
what it is. It's artificially constructed. We know in the history of this country that when black people have gotten together and hold their resources, our resources, and we've really sought independence, economic and otherwise from you know, the larger community, that it's often been snuffed out, literally burned to the
ground time and again. And ghettos are the direct result of redlining, which we talk about on the show from time to time, and if you're not familiar with it, it is the illegal practice now of basically artificially inflating property values and providing loans for white people to move into white neighborhoods and denying anyone else, not just black people,
but anyone else from doing the same. And what you see during the time where redlining was prevalent in the early nineteen hundreds in this country is a massive shift of wealth away from and there wasn't a lot to begin with, away from black folks to white folks, which a lot of white families still enjoy to this day. And then you have impoverished communities, you have ghettos, and in ghettos an impoverished community where there's lots of scarcity,
you get behaviors that are or often borderline criminal. And again it necessitates some degree of protection from the environment that you're born into. And so this child carrying a gun, whether or not that's even true from an older traffic stop, you know, that's why he had a warrant from having a gun before and then running from the police before, in no way warrants his execution. In no way that
we didn't have a gun at the time. I was trying to run away from the police, understandably so, because the police are very trigger happy in this country, and he lost his life. You know, we've seen that if you stay and cooperate, the police don't treat you good. We've seen if you run away, the police don't treat you good. There's really a no win situation. And so I wanted to make sure that I said that because as I was discussing this with Gotti, she looked at
me with this horrified look on her face. And when I saw that look, I knew what was coming next because I saw the picture of the the boy, Dante White, and I knew that he bears a resemblance to her grandchildren, nearly all of them. And I says, whatever you do, please do not look at his picture, and she just
started balling. And when you see an older black woman with the grays in her hair and the skin that has been aged by time, and you see that face, that beautiful face light up when she sees her posterity run in the house and kiss her and run upstairs to play their games, and she laughs and giggles in the kitchen and has a good good time. When you see that turned to fear and pain and you see the tears squeeze from her face, it's the most heartbreaking
thing that you can imagine. And I wept with her in that moment, composed myself. I went outside and I watched the video. I made sure to stay outside long enough for the winds in the house to change. And I wanted to share that before I check in with you, Q, because that's how my.
Week went, before I get into how my week went, Because the last couple of weeks have been really rough. I lost my father's first grandchild and my first nephew, first niece or nephew, and my father's children's line to COVID. This Thursday will be two weeks ago, and he just learned he was going to be a father. Typically, that be enough, except because of what we chose to do, because of this space that we chose to occupy, there is a level of trauma that we have to volunteer for.
It's the only way we can responsibly do this show. So we see, hear about and read more of these type of things than most people. I got dressed coming here today, and when Grayson sees me get dressed, he knows that I'm about to leave him. So as soon as he sees me put on a shirt, he starts crying, like, Okay, I know what this means. Dad, I'm three, but you're getting dressed. You're about to leave me? And he cries, And in the moment, it always seems silly, baby Daddy
has to go to work. I'll be back. Except for a week. I couldn't celebrate my son out loud because my oldest brother is preparing to bury his son. So there was an inherent guilt, like I can't be out here joyfully lifting my son up. My brother will see this, and without trying, he's gonna think about the fact that, in the way that you're not supposed to, he's preparing
to bury his first child. And then I just shared a picture with my colleagues here in the studio of Dante Wright and his son, and that guilt kicked in even more. His one year old doesn't even get to experience his dad. He won't have any memories of him. So when I'm walking out of the door today and my son starts crying, I can't even in good faith
reassure him that I'll be back. Because what we're starting to learn is that there is nothing that we can do to avoid this wrath that's just out here looking for us. Dressing properly, pulling up our pants, speaking with a good dialect, using the King English, staying in between the lines on the highway, driving the speed limits, stopping at the red light, using your blinker, saying no to drugs, not drinking, not driving, complying yes sir, no sir, It
does not matter. It will seek us out, and with everyone sitting at this table today, it will seek us out because of how we look, because of the way we entered the world, not because of any choices that we made or didn't make, not because we did or didn't listen to our parents, not because we do or don't obey the laws. Because the person carrying around this hate and resentment has made up their mind that their world is better with out us in it, and we just have to hope we're not the one they run
into that day. And in this space, even the thing that says to serve and protect is scary, even more so because they have a gun.
For sure.
Now in the open carry state of Arizona, everyone might have one. They definitely, but the officer that got behind me when I turned off my street and route to the studio right now definitely does. And now I'm driving here terrified, and I've done absolutely nothing that happened right now. I didn't get pulled over. I just saw a police car behind me. And there's anxiety and fear and stress. And that's with a cop car behind me. Now imagine that cop isn't in his car anymore. He's standing next
to yours. And it's dark. I don't have to imagine, and there's no one around totally. Don't have to imagine nothing, and you can do nothing to protect yourself. The safest thing you can do is rid yourself of your self pride, rid yourself of your dignity, and bow to this person, and then pray that that's enough. Be reverent, comply, be respectful, yes sir, no sir.
Do whatever they.
Say, even if you fully understand that your human and civil rights are being violated. Because the object is to not die today.
We're not trying to avoid jail.
We're not trying to avoid this ticket that in a lot of cases we don't even deserve because we had an air freshener hanging from our rear view mirror. Let's hope that this seasoned professional with a murder tool pointed at you is in a better headspace than you are as you sit there terrified. You're not comfortable, you're not rational,
you're scared. But let's hope the person that does this for a living isn't more afraid than you, or that they just don't hate you because you're you and feel like killing you today with impunity, that's the part that hurts.
There's no consequence, and your family and your friends almost know.
That there's no consequence, and the event that they're charged, the charge will be lesser, and the event that they're convicted, the sentencing will be lighter. And in a lot of cases, neither of those things even happen. You have cities, states, municipalities, district attorneys that find no reason to even bring charges even when it's recorded on video.
And that's something I want to talk about too. I think it was in Virginia. The lieutenant, he's driving, he bought a new vehicle. Right, he's driving, and it's when he's turn on their lights, right, it's on camera. He drives until he pulls into a well lit gas station. This is what he says. But because the police were behind him for a little bit, they treated it as a hostile traffic stop, I guess is what they did.
And I want to talk more about this. But as far as this goes, the reason that they turned the lights on is because he didn't have a standard license plate, and they said they couldn't see his paper tag from the new vehicle in the wind in the back window. But as soon as they got into the to the gas station that was well lit, you could see it in the video. You could see the paper. It's a white square in the window.
But do you know what also happens when you get into a well lit area, you can see that the motorist is black. The crime is the skin. It's not the accent. The crime is your face. You can't take it off. You can't speak well enough to change that. We all look how we look. That's the crime, right, even if there was no tag, no paper tag, no heart plate, no nothing. Dude is literally riding dirty. Right, he didn't just murder a building full of people with
an assault rifle. Because when they do that, and they meaning white men in the United States, forgive, forgive the change in my tone here when they do that, Let's make sure they're okay. As a matter of fact, let's make sure the public knows that they're not. Let's feel sorry for them. Let's empathize because they must have been through so much. They had a bad day. Thank you, thank you, that right hurt. They had a bad day.
So you talk about the idea of that new pain, and I think what you were describing as a callous. It's happened to us so many times that the wound has scabbed over, it still hurts, but it hurts different. But there is a feeling of wanting to protect our Asian American brothers and sisters for going through something that we've gone through so much that we're like, yo.
Let me show you how to do this.
Stand behind me, let me take this, and I'm gonna look at you and say that stand behind me. I got you. We got you. If you can hear us, we got you. If you're watching this on YouTube and you can see us, we got you. Because silence cannot happen, apathy cannot happen if one of us is going through this. All of us are going through this period because the fact that I can't confidently tell Grayson Anthony villaflor Ward that I will be home to him tonight is a problem.
Because his father is an upstanding, college educated man with no criminal record, who is never consumed to drink, never tried or sold a drug. I should not have to worry for my life when I see a police officer who lied when he took the oath to serve and protect me.
So I think that it's really important to share a story. And if you're just tuning in to Civic Cipher once again, host Rams's job. They called me q Ward and we have special guests with us. Shallow you again, a member of the AAPI Democratic Caucus, artist, activist, and all around awesome person. You know. I want to tell a story that, of course had a different outcome from the UH, the one that took place in Virginia, but similar in terms
of the experience. And this is for me, another person who's never done a drug, another person who has never drank alcohol. I don't even say bad words. I call them bad words. And I'm thirty eight, you know, so definitely say bad words. But you know what I'm saying, Like I you know, definitely does not know me. You won't catch me doing that. It's just not in me
like that. But anyway, you know, I think I have my head on my shoulders, you know again, college educated and you know, all the all the above, got a lot to live for, never been in any nonsense. But even if I was, you know, and let mean, somebody has the right to please before you start your story. Even if I was a criminal, a bailed out felon with a T shirt that said gang member on it.
I do not deserve to be murdered in the street.
Hard stop. So sorry. No, you're good. You're good. I think that needs to be said. So yeah, A quick story before we get out of here. Once upon a time, I was driving in my brother's car, who he had quote unquote inherited from my sister's boyfriend now fiance. Right, my sister's boyfriend had moved out of town and left the car and my little brother started driving it, and
so it became his car. I have a small interest in a used car dealership, and so sometimes I switch cars and sell cars, and people want to buy the car i'm driving, and so that's what happened. So I'm driving this hear me on this. It's a two thousand and six and when this happened, it might have been two thousand and seventeen eighteen somewhere in there. Two thousand and six Dodge Magnum black tent, black interior with twenty two inch rims on it. It is the most gang
bangorist drug deal in this car. You look like you're just serving the block in this car. I cannot stand driving that car because I know how it looks. You know, I'm from California, right. I love lowriders. I think they're the coolest things in the world. I have a low rider bike downstairs in my house, and you know, I recognize it. To a lot of police it looks like criminal. You know, it's not cultural. It's criminal, but of course
over here it's cultural anyway. Driving the car, and of course it's not a terrible looking car, it just looks like, you know, I'm moving that weight as it were. So I had just driven it to I think somewhere in Chandler, I want to say, wild Horse Pass and I picked up ten thousand dollars cash.
That's really appen, Oh wow, and it's getting good.
Yeah. So again, fortunately nothing happens. So I don't want to, like, you know, scare anyone. But yeah, so I got ten thousand dollars and I was wearing some they're like boot boots with zippers, right, I've seen those. Yeah, I got like kind of a cool style, I think. So immediately I take the ten thousand dollars because it's a brick. You know, when you get that money from the bank, it has the band around it and says how much it is. So I put it in my boot because
why what else am I going to put it? It's going to fall out of my pocket and I know my boots have zippers, so boom, and then it just looks terrible to someone who's looking for something to you know, suspicious, right, But I had to pick up this money because I was completing a transaction and the person that I was meeting pays the cash. You know, there's no problem there. And usually having large sums of money is not the weirdest thing in the world when you work in the
industry in which you know have interests. So I'm driving on the freeway in a car that's not mine, in a car that's not my brothers, and what happens is I'm right by the airport driving and the police get behind me and they turn the lights on. Right, so a medium uh oh, because you know, my sister's boyfriend is Jamaican, and Jamaican people, at least the ones that I know, they are take in some things which are now perfectly legal, you know, but he hasn't driven this
car for years. So but you know, your mind goes to all the places because immediately literally you're like, Okay, what is going to happen to me? Not even what did I do, but what is going to what could
happen to me exactly. And so the mistake that I made was, you know, being on the freeway the freeway splits where I live by the airport, there's a split in the freeway and I'm supposed to be on the split on the right side, but on the left side it goes to a whole different freeway, a whole different direction, and I'm not. I don't go that way, So I'm lost if I go over there. But the police are
behind me trying to pull me over. So just like the story in Virginia, I slow down, I turn on my hazards or blinker or something like that, so the police know I'm not trying to run away evading evading, correct, But I didn't pull right over because I would have been lost and it would have been dangerous if you would have seen it. So I'm waiting for the kind of the fork to arrive at the fork and then I can pull over in that area and they can
get out and do their business. But then they start like honking the horn and flashing the lights at me, and so now I'm like really afraid because of that same thing, Like if they're upset, it's going to be very bad for me. So I pull all the way over right, and they, of course because I didn't pull over, immediately treated it like it was a hostile and traffic stuff. So it's like guns blazing this whole thing. So they
get out. They got guns on me, and I know the drill because I don't know if I mentioned it on the show before, but I'm from Compton. So even before I was getting pulled out of the car, I've seen other people get pulled out of the car, and I know the easiest way to survive is you roll the window down and you put both of your hands outside of the window, facing away from the officer, just like that so they can see your hands. Yeah, leave them there until they approach the vehicle. Then you have
your conversation. So that's what happened. They walked up. By the time they got to me, I could see that they put their guns away and the guy started talking to me. Of course, he asked me to step out of the vehicle. And I'm not the one to play that game because I want to live and I know how this goes, so like, okay, step out of vehicle. Of course, I called my sister and let her know
what was going on. This was a few years before Facebook Live and all that sort of stuff, so that was what I did get out of the car, and of course they asked me all the standard questions, Have you been drinking any drugs? These sorts of things, And I tell them the answer, no, sir, I've never drank alcohol in my life. No, sir, I've never done any drug in my life. I don't even like taking medicine just in case I have to talk to you one day.
I didn't say that last part isn't when I upset him, but you know what I'm saying, like, that's really the reason. So you know, he later tells me, he's like, Yo, that sounds like exactly like something a method would say. So that's why we pressed you on this. And I was like, oh, well, now I know not to say that I've never drank alcohol in my life and never done a drug in money, but you know, he could tell that I was not inebriated, because again I've never
been inebriated. And then they started asking me where I was going and where I was coming from, which for some reason is important because that's what happened on the videos we saw this week. Some of the videos. So you know, I told him I'm leaving the casino. I had to, you know, conduct a business transaction. I'm praying that he doesn't check my shoe because and it's all over and they find that tenjis and pulling my boot, which they didn't find. But the whole time, I'm sweating
because of that, I'm super nervous. And the thing that bailed me out, and this has been a get out of jail free card for me a couple of times over the years, is that I work on radio and when they called for backup, one of his partners recognized me as being a DJ, and then ultimately the first guy ended up apologizing and everything went well. But anyway, I'm saying that to say that I relate to the trauma, to the stress, and to everything that goes along with
these stories. Unfortunately, we're out of time for this week, and so please do us a favor of visit the website civicsipher dot com download this in any previous episodes. I want to thank our guest Shelley you for coming to hang out with us.
Thank you so much, thanking.
And be sure to check us out next week. Both myself, Ramsa's jaw and q ward And until then, y'all peace, peace,