Rock and rolling through the cool guitars. Chucks. Got the questions digging so sharp, feeling bad, layers head in the heart. I
mean, I want to talk about your new special. I guess it's not that new, because it's 2023, but for people who haven't seen it, dark little whispers on amazon prime. So if you got prime, it's free. Great special.
Oh, thank you. Thank you for watching it. Yes, yeah, it was. It was produced by Sam Morrow. I heard you talking about that, and then I heard you saying something about the music, that you were excited about the music. What was that song? Because it sounded like death metal to me. Yeah, that was, I was playing the drums on that and singing, and that was your singing too, yeah. So if you watch the credits, there's video of me playing the drums and singing in the vocal booth, like the, sort of like
the making of that song. Um, so, yeah, that's screaming, that guttural, awful screaming. That's me. And I just thought it was a fun contrast with how like, Meek my stage presence is, you know, yeah, well, explain to my audience how you learned to play the drums. Because I thought it was really interesting. You played this, like video arcade, like, kind of like a guitar hero kind of game. But I asked my, like, drummer friends about this, and they
never heard of that game. I think if I, if I did my research, right, I tracked it down. It's called, it's like a Japanese game called Get get Adora. Is that right? Absolutely, yeah, um, this machine really changed my life. I was in LA for like, four months, and I was kind of depressed. And, you know, I'm from New Jersey, and so, like, the mall is my safe space. So I would go to the Burbank mall
just to hang out. And they had this arcade called the round one arcade, and I'd never been to, it's a franchise, and I'd never been to one before. And, you know, I grew up playing DDR, so I was, like, in the rhythm game section, and they had this other game that was, it had a full Yamaha electronic drum kit, and it was like, Guitar Hero, yeah, where the notes come down and you have to hit it. And I don't even know why I tried playing it. It might have been that I
saw someone playing it. I look cool, so I sat down and played it, and immediately got addicted, because my brain, since I played DDR growing up, I'm just wired to, like, that exact style of game where it's like, the thing comes and you have to hit it. I My brain's just wired to love that type of thing. And then on for people to dance. Dance Revolution. It's the dancing one where you step on the thing. Yeah, everyone knows DDR, it's really cool. I don't know. Maybe they don't
know the acronym. I don't definitely know it's, I mean, I think it is actually, like, cooler now, because all the nerdy things have become cool. Of when I was young, it was not cool, um, but, um, so yeah, I started playing it, and, like, I probably ended up spending like, $1,000 on this fucking machine. I played it for so long, and there was someone who was really good at it. And I was like, Are you a real drummer? And he was
like, Yeah. And I was like, so if I keep playing, this will actually teach me how to play the drums. And he was like, oh, yeah, that's the best drum teacher you'll ever have. And that's kind of what happened. I became obsessed with the game. And then I was like, I wonder if it really does translate to playing the real drums. When I came back to New York, I would just, like, rent rehearsal spaces and just practice the
drums. And I was like, yeah. I mean, all the like, like, muscle independence, it teaches you all of that. Like, obviously I'm not an amazing drummer, and like, my technique, I'm sure needs a lot of work, but like, I now can play songs that I like playing. And so when it came time to do the special, I was like, it'd be really fun to make the intro music for it, because obviously you can't get a really cool song because of copyright and stuff.
So I was like, Okay, I asked my friend Chris Palermo, who's an amazing guitarist, and he's the one playing on the track to kind of help me come up with something, and then we went to a studio and recorded it. And yeah, damn it, I must have turned it off too soon. I didn't see that part of the credits, right? Like, I'll just re watch that, yeah. Well, the really crazy thing is that you know, who did watch the credits is the band Yola tango, which is one of
my favorite bands ever. And I mean Long story short, they do this yearly Hanukkah show in New York, and I ended up playing in Bowery ballroom with them a song during the Encore, just because they happened to see I was playing drums in the credits, and was like, Do you want to play with us? Like it was just fucking cool. But anyway, just such a random confluence of things, all because I was sad in LA and I went to this record that's
so crazy. It kind of reminds me of, what's the girl from Portlandia? Isn't she in a band, and she's a drummer too. I
forget her name, Carrie, but yeah, she was in the band that I also forget their name. And yeah, yes,
yeah. So similar, yeah. So that's just interesting. That's funny that, like, because I heard you saying, like, that was, like, one of the most exciting parts about the special was, like,
making the music. I mean that they say, like, all comedians want to be musicians, and all musicians want to be comedians. And like, it's, I find it 100% true. Like, if I could trade my comedy credits into a drumming. Career, I think I totally would like it really. I grew up playing guitar, but I was never like that. I felt like it was not very natural to me. But then playing the drums is like, Oh, I wish I had done this forever, like it's so cathartic.
And like, yeah, I just feel like, when I'm on stage doing stand up, it's like what I really just want to do is, like, just make a lot of noise, but it's, it's just the opposite of what I do. So, like the drums, I don't know, yeah, I find it
really, really fun. I have to try that game now, because Guitar Hero, I feel like it's not, you're kind of pushing buttons on a fake thing, but the drum thing that sounds, I mean, it actually translates to playing weird. That's way better.
Well, you can, like, learn playing guitar from that. This one you it's a it's a real drum kit. So,
so you went from that to a real because it's electronic drum kit. You prefer an still electronic drum kit? Or do you use, like the classic drum set,
a real drum set is so much more pleasing that you just get that sound. Okay? Yeah, I did put an E kit in my mom's house in Florida as sort of an incentive to visit more often, so I do have that there, but when I'm here, I mean, my boyfriend is also a drummer, so he has his own space with a drum kit, so I get to just go play in there. Now, the real drum kit
is he he's a drummer, like, as a hobby, or is that, like, his professional thing? No, he's a real drummer. He's
a, I mean, he's played in a lot of rock bands, but he's mostly a jazz drummer, and he's an excellent jazz drummer. Okay,
nice. So then, besides the music for the special, did you design, like the visual esthetic? Because it's kind of like a unique it's like a dark, kind of moody, elegant thing. Did you design it that way?
Like the like stage esthetic, like, yeah, or is
that just how that stage is? Or
no, no. That was me. I mean, I wanted to sort of look like a Hookah bar. And I just, I thought it'd be cool to have people sitting on the floor with the pillows, and like I had, I had great help from a designer who usually works on films. His name is in the credits, it's slipping my mind, but he's in the credits, and he and he, like, made all those design decisions, but I wanted it to, like, look that, that way. Yeah. So
what is like when Sam, you said, Sam Morrill helped produce it. What, what does he do? And is it just like, front some of the money or help set up with the get you the location, or what was his role?
Um, no, it's just more like, I mean, I would, you know, I was running the set and like, you would, like, give me advice on, like, you know, which jokes to use, and like order and things like that. He was mostly just sort of more like, you know, like the helping voice on my shoulder, which he has been my whole career. I mean, he's been so helpful to me. So I know him. Yeah, him
and Mark Norman, are they you did their podcast, and I know I noticed mark is always like, liking a lot of your stuff on Instagram. Are they just big fans of your comedy?
I mean, Sam, I met years ago, just had a show, and, like, he just liked my comedy, and I started opening for him on the road. And like, he's just, yeah, he's just, like, a fan of my jokes. And like, Mark obviously loved well written jokes. They both are just joke nerds. So when they, like, see someone who writes well written jokes, they want to support them, which is really important, because most of the stuff you get in comedies from other comics. So like, they really are
doing good work. Of like, when they notice people who write good jokes, they go out of their way to try to help them. Yeah,
that is that. No, that's true. Do you feel like that sometimes, like, your comedies might be too smart for some people, because sometimes I think of that, like, as I watch a lot of comedy, so kind of like, I'm kind of picky with my comedy. Like, I like people who are more smarter, whereas, like, I feel like some comedy that are, it's a lot of comedians are really popular. It's almost
like, dumb down. It's for people that they'll go to a comedy show, like, twice a year, and then they think it's the funniest thing ever.
You know, I have a lot of opinions on this subject, but all of them like an asshole, and I'm
doing it for you. I'm trying to tell you that, yeah, like, yeah,
what you said? Like, what? I mean, you said it. I mean, I don't know. I don't like to think that way, because, like, it sounds so elitist. And like, I ultimately, it's like, sometimes I'm like, Man, it'd be cool to just like, like, have like, do do comedy more, and like, cool, artsy, like, music venues, you know, like, those are, like, some cool, smart
people. They get it, and then you do those shows, and it's like, those people don't laugh the way that people in a comedy club who just there to have a fucking good time laugh. So it's like, sometimes you wish like that audiences were smarter. But then it's like, the people who really want to have fun and are like, good audience members are like, you know, at just like, random clubs who you wouldn't think of them as, like, you know, intellectuals or whatever.
But like, I don't know. I don't think, I mean, I think I've been lucky in that. I mean, I do think, you know, I put a lot of effort into writing well crafted jokes. And like, you would think that, you know, you really need smart people understand it, but they my jokes do well in lots of different rooms. So, like, yeah, yeah.
I don't know if it's maybe, maybe smart is not necessarily the right term, but it's like, for people like me, who I'm such a big comedy fan, and I watch so much comedy, like, sometimes you kind of know where the joke is going before it hits. And you're like, Okay, this is like, setup, setup, but like people like you. And then I think that's why it speaks highly at Sam Morrill and Mark Norman, who Mark, Mark Norman only follows like, 400 people. They follow you and they like
you because you're. Jokes are a little more unpredictable. It's a little bit like, it's like, you're like a comedian's comedian,
yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, you know it'd be nice to be a medicine Square Garden comedian, but I got delusional about what I do. I know it's going to be for a niche group of people, and my task is to find those people slowly. But yeah, no. I mean, yeah. I mean people who really like well written jokes and are a nerd for that do gravitate to
me. And so that's great all I've ever wanted, really, not all, but like, the most important thing to me in comedy is getting the respect of people who I think are really good writers and like, I really like and so when I get that positive feedback, it's like, okay, I'm not crazy for doing this. So, yeah, when guys like that support me, it's means everything.
Yeah, who else do you look up to in terms of comedy, besides Sam and Mark?
I mean, I've always thought Gary Goldman is one of the best writers, and he's another guy who's helped me, and I've opened for him, same with Todd Berry, like, I've also worked with him a bunch. I mean, I mean, I really like Lisa Traeger. I think she's amazing. Tim Dillon is one of my favorites. I'm always I feel like I like, have that energy inside me, and I just am too afraid to, like, put it out. So when I see someone who's just so unabashed, I'm like, I wish, I
wish I had that. Yeah, I think those are, I mean, nor McDonald's, my all time
favorite. I was gonna say I saw that you followed him, and I'm such a fan. So did you ever have an encounter with him or anything?
Unfortunately, he's like, the one, like, one of the few people. I was like, I really, really want to meet him, and I just never got to. I think he is just the all time best, like, not even just with stand up, but just all of his appearances on panel show. Just like, you can't find a not hilarious clip of him. It's magical, special person that will not exist again. I think it's so and it's
so weird because I'll watch my brother and I will send each other clips of norm, McDonald, and they're the same clips because obviously he's not making any new material, but we just keep sending the same ones, and they're still, they make us laugh out loud, even though we've seen them 100 times. It's weird.
He just is like a vehicle for humor. It's like he's not it just like channels through him in such a natural, unforced way. It's like, it's like, he's the essence of a comedian. It's just he did never have to try. It seems like he just always was that, like, yeah,
right, yeah, no, he's great. Another one I saw that you follow that, uh, that I'm a fan of that that's maybe lesser known as Nathan fielder. Are you a fit? You're a fan of him, right? Yeah,
I would call him lesser known at this point. He's got huge shows on it. Well, I guess he's one of the of those, like, in the smart realm, I guess. But, um, yeah, watch
him when he was on Nathan for you. And that was, like, it was this niche, like, 2am Comedy Central show. And man, my girl, my girlfriend, was, I've never heard her laugh as hard when we watched that show. Like, it's just so bizarre that she'll just crack I know what it is about him, but she laughed so hard. Yeah,
yeah. So, like, I also went through like, a little prank phase, like, I would make prank calls. I heard those, and I feel like, like there's some alignment with, like, his pranky sensibility. We even tried to, me and my friend were trying to pitch a prank show, and he reached out to his company because, like, oh, we think he'd love this and live in this space, but it was just he was really busy. I'm sure he would have loved to do it. He was really busy. But, yeah, I think his I really love his
sensibility. It's really unique. Yeah,
I love those prank calls. The one that made me laugh the hardest was the anti Vax one, where you had the child that was the anti Vax. Oh,
yeah, yeah. There was a lot. I mean, COVID was a great time for our print calls. We were really inspired. We had the Joel Osteen one. Yeah, I would like to do them again. I just, I don't know, it's hard to come up with those premises where it's like, you don't want to, like, be making fun of the person on the call. I don't find that as funny. Like I we're the crazy people. How
does that work with the law? I always wondered that, like, do you have to call them? Because this depends on the state, right? So if you're New Jersey, you have to call them afterwards and get permission. Or
we had a list of states where you're allowed to just call, I forget which ones are which, but yeah, we were aware of that. Yeah, that
was a fun it's interesting. You don't, you don't have as many YouTube video you only have like, 36 videos on your YouTube channel. I was just looking
at that today, and I'm like, it just, I just started posting on shorts more now, I used to only post jokes on Instagram, but now I'm using shirts, and, like, the algorithm is slowly picking it up. And, yeah, I guess because, like, I don't have a podcast, I'm like, so I don't have like, daily content to be putting out. But, I mean, I put prank calls on there. I think all of them that we did are on YouTube. But, like, yeah, I just, I guess, I don't know, what do people put
individual jokes on YouTube? Do
they Yeah, oh yeah, all the time, yeah. They'll put their just, like the Instagram, the shorts,
they'll do, like, just a full clip. Do they do that? Um, they'll do longer clips,
yeah, for sure, if it's longer. In a minute, then it's a real, you know, a real YouTube video. But yeah, people do that all that, yeah, because you have your special, so you can chop that up into tons of clips, right? Well,
I did. I was putting clips on social, but I actually get the rights back to that special this November, so I can just throw the whole thing on YouTube. So I'll be doing that for sure. Are
you going to be doing another special? Because it's another thing, like, you do a special is it every, like, two years or three or what? I mean,
I guess that's what you're supposed to do now. But like, I don't know. I don't come up with jokes that quickly. Like, what? Like, I feel like you're supposed to take years to think of like a full hour of solid jokes. And it's like, you can't exist that way anymore, because you just have to keep pumping out content. And just like, I don't know, my rate of thinking of jokes has declined so much from when I was, like, starting or the middle of my
career, I guess so. Like, I'm just much more precious about what I think is funny now. So I don't know. I mean, I understand that's why people do crowd work now, because it's, like, funny things that you can just quickly pump out. And like, maybe I have to do more of that. I could do that in the special, I don't know, but I certainly don't have a new hour already. Like, yeah,
do you like doing crowd work? Because to me, that that seems like the hardest thing. But when I talk to comedians, they said, No, that's the easiest thing.
Well, it's easy to do, like, fine. Like, it's easy to do fine crowd work, because crowds, the standard for what they will laugh at with crowd work is so much lower than what they'll laugh at for a joke just because of the like energy that it brings and the spontaneity, like they're much more forgiving
with laughing at crowd work. So it's easier in that sense, but I think to do it like really impressively in a way that's really funny, I don't think that's easy, but I mean, yeah, so it's that I think it's easier than writing a really well crafted joke, but it also depends, like, on your
disposition. Like, if you're naturally, like, good at improv, or like, you're just, like, high energy, I think it's comes easier to people, but if you're someone like me, like, I like doing crowd work, but like, I don't think I'm like, virtuosic at it or anything. Yeah, because it's
always so hard to me, that's the most amazing thing about comedians is when they can, they're so quick, you know, they have the cup. I'm like, the George Costanza. Like, I'm thinking of the comeback on the on the ride home. And I'm like, I should have said this. Like, I can't think of it in the moment like that. I'm always jealous of people like that,
yeah. Like, I'm not the best in the moment either. That's why I'm not really good at podcasts. And usually don't do this. You're doing great. Are you serious? Well, we're just having, you know, there's podcasts where you need to be like, on like, Mark and Sam are like that. They're just like, joke, joke. And I'm just like, it's like watching ping pong. I'm like, I can't it's anxious. And it's like, I love I'm a writer, not a talker. So what
was I saying? Oh yeah, the in the moment, thinking of, yeah, I feel like with crowd work, I don't know something about being on stage. I don't get anxious. So, like, it's easier for me to like be quick there than it is to like be quick on, like a podcast or something like that. But I think people who, like have improv experience, or just more naturally outgoing, have an easier time. Yeah.
So you have you ever taken like, those improv classes or whatever? Does that help? Or is it worth it?
When I, like, first moved to New York, I took UCB 101, and I dropped out after the third class, which is when you can't get your money back. But yeah, it was, again, just the thing of, like, I don't have the energy for this. It requires so much energy. And I'm like, I'm I get tired after like 10 minutes of doing that, and it just felt stupid. I just felt stupid.
Well, what about Okay, what about the roast battles? Because that's another thing. My brother and I will send each other roast battle clips, stuff all the time, and you like, you absolutely destroy, like they said. The host said, when one of the roast things that I watched that you had two of the most lopsided roast battle victories that he'd ever seen. I wonder
what the second one they're talking about is, everyone talks about the Dave one, where I do the Motorcycle Show. Um, what was the question? I'm sorry, just
like, how do you do those? Like, how do you prepare for those? I always wondered, how do you, like, do they give you a list of things to talk about, or do you do your own research? And is there anything that they say, like, Hey, don't bring this up. This is off limits. Yeah,
all of that. I mean, usually you'll sit down with them and just exchange, like, here's probably what's going to be good fodder, or, you know, do your own, like, watching the podcast appearances or whatever. So it's a mix of both. And, yeah, I think it's, you know, usually polite to be like, is there anything you don't want me to talk about if I find out my own and sometimes comics have something, most of the time they don't, um, and then, yeah, I mean, it's all
good fun. Everyone knows what they're signing up for.
That's yeah, that I don't know. Does it scare you to get roasted, though? Because that's the part for me. I'm like, I don't know if I could take it. I feel like I'd probably start crying or something. Um,
well, no one's ever really touched on a nerve that actually might bother me. Usually they go for like, Islam or my dad left, or I'm fat or whatever, and like, it's never like my real insecurities that anyone touched on. I mean, I guess maybe the fat stuff maybe bothered me a little bit, but it. Doesn't really apply anymore, I would hope so. Yeah, yeah. No one ever like said anything that made me feel that
bad or bad, really. So yeah, and I guess just the fact that I usually won all of them anyway, just like, Okay, you called me cat, well, whatever, I just touched you. So
yeah, you're fucking awesome with that. Are you gonna do more of that? Or is that because you've only done
a few, right? Um, I did a few back in the day. I did them when it was more like a new and like hot thing to do. So like, the last one I did, I was at skank fest, and they asked me to do it. And normally I say no, but I was just like, oh, it's JP McDade. Is my friend. That's what was doing. So like, I guess that would be fun to do this again. It's more just, like a
fun joke writing exercise. So I just said, Yeah, and I did it, and it was fun, but, um, it just takes so much time to do, and they're jokes you can never use again, and you're not usually getting paid much. So just like, I have other things to do,
yeah, gotcha. So they don't you said, some of the insecurities, like, they don't even get so some of the stuff like, you don't talk about, and I thought comedians talk about it all like, so there's some things you're like, I'm not even going to talk about this
on stage. Um, no. I mean, there's nothing like I've never said before that I'm insecure about that. I mean, I guess if people were to, like, touch on, like, I mean, like, I do a joke in my special about how everyone always says I'm quiet and like, I guess that would be like, not even really, real insecurity anymore. But I think back then, when I was roasting if people would, like, say that, that would probably maybe bother me, because that's always just been a nerve with
me. Um, but yeah, um, at this point, like, yeah, I don't think there's anything anyone could say that would that would, that would really bother me. Because, yeah, I mean, especially with the special I put a lot of like, yeah, dark things out there from my real life. So yeah,
that was just like, that's what I learned. Like, doing this podcast and just research. I don't know if you're familiar with David Goggins, but I'm like, I've been really into him lately. And he just talks about how, basically, we're all really fucked up, and, like, some people just hide it better.
And so I find, I find I find that stuff really interesting, because some people, yeah, it's like, yeah, they try to put this thing out in the world, like their life is so put together, and it's like, it's all bullshit,
yeah. It's like being a comedian. It's like, the opposite of being like an influencer, where, like, you try to make your life, like, look very perfect on a screen with the comedy. You're like, like, how fucked up I am. And I think that's why people like it, because it's like, Oh, I'm not weird. They're letting me know I'm not weird. And, like, I guess there are some jokes though, like, like, I don't know. I lost my tune between,
well, you had that one joke about like, you said something about, like, if you see, if you see a female with a mic in her hand, she's She basically like, she has dad issues, or she's fucked up or something. But I was like, but I feel like that's probably like I said, I think we're all fucked up to a degree. So
yeah, and I add an addendum to that joke that it applies to men too, but yeah, yeah, no, everyone. I mean, yeah. And that's why comedy works. It's like, if, if not everyone was fucked up, then you would tell a joke on stage, and audience would just be like, Oh my God. But like, people laugh because, like, yeah, it just obviously more people are self conscious about it than others.
I got in trouble with a family member because I told a joke that included information about them that didn't even occur to me. Would be something that might be self conscious about, just because I'm so used to putting everything else out there, didn't even strike me to ask them, like, is it okay if I say this? Because I would not. I've even thought it'd be something to be insecure about and like, but like, that's the difference between, like, a
comedian and a regular person. I guess it's like, we're more likely to just put everything out there, and someone else might have hang ups about themselves that they haven't come to terms with yet. You know,
yeah, that's one thing that I always struggle. I always feel like, I'm I worry that I'm gonna say the wrong thing or piss people off, but it's never, I'm never trying to, I'm not, like, trying to roast people, or trying to, like, one up them or but I sometimes I'll just say something and I'm like, oh, and then you'll find out later, like, oh, that really bothered the person. Like, Oh, it did. I was like, what? Like, I'm so confused.
People are fragile little beings. And like, I get it, I don't want to, like, downplay, you know, people's insecurities, because life is really hard, and people, like, maybe have not had the same experiences getting hardened
that I have. I mean, when you I mean comedy really involves just grinding your ego down to nothing because you do so many years of bombing you just, like, feel terrible for so long, until you basically desensitize yourself sometimes too far, because then it's like, you don't take any criticism seriously because you've become so hardened. And like, you should be able to take some criticism or think, like, oh,
maybe I did fuck up somehow. But like, you become so hard and that, like, yeah, you forget. Like, other people haven't bombed in front of crowds of people for years in such a way that they have become inured to, like, feeling bad. So like, yeah, that's
Wow. That's really interesting to hear. So it almost like helps you, though it almost helps you become more mentally tough. Basically,
I mean, it really changed my life. It's cheesy to say, but, like, I used to be so. Like, I mean, I still consider myself, like, anxious, but like, I used to be so socially anxious, and like, I would not raise my hand in class. The idea that I'm a performer now is so insane, because I would be so afraid of talking just in regular conversations amongst people, I would like, have, like, get, like, panic attacks just from having to converse
with a group of strangers. And so that process of, like, doing comedy, I mean, it's so cheesy to say, and I hate when people say it's therapy, but like, it really was therapeutic for somebody like me, who had so much insecurity and trouble communicating with people. Like, it really just taught me how to talk to strangers and, like, trust that I could say what I wanted to say honestly and not have people be like, Whoa. That's weird. Oh,
that's, yeah, that's interesting. So, like, but so typically you try to kind of avoid people. Like, if you go to the grocery store, do you go to the cashier? Do you go to the self checkout?
Um, I'll do either, depending on, I don't know. I guess, I don't I generally, like, a cashier, I guess,
yeah, okay, so you're not like, I mean, you're you're comfortable enough around people. You're not, like, scared,
like, I'm like, a totally different person now. I mean, I'm not like, a social butterfly, I would say, but like, compared to what I was, like, I have no issue talking to people compared to what I was. Yeah, do you think, um,
like, weed helps you too, because I heard you in your special you talk about that, how you it helps you sleep and stuff turn off your consciousness.
I actually stopped using it, um, but I used to just, I mean, more recently, I would only take a little bit just to fall asleep. But no, we made me really paranoid. I could not smoke amongst people that would, like, make me feel like how I was before, like, I would just, like, get very weird around talking to people when I'm really high. So no, that was bad for me,
okay, yeah, that's the same with me, yeah? It's like, well, I felt like, sometimes I could have a good experience, but more often than not, yeah, I'd start going down, like, more into my head, and I was like, I don't like this, I don't like this
feeling, yeah, yeah. Sometimes the other day, I was like, maybe I'll just try, like, a one milligram. THC, got me. Maybe I'll just hit my toe back in but I'm like, why would I do that? Why would I mess with how my mental state is right now, which is kind of fine, but I did think of some good jokes on it, maybe like twice though, out of all the times I've done it, so, yeah, I don't know,
did you ever do mushrooms? Sure
you did absolutely, yeah,
did that. What was that like? Because I've never done it, but oddly enough, my dad has done it and raves about it and says how great it is, but I'm too scared to do it.
What are you scared of? Let's examine that. Yeah,
yeah. Just because, like, when I take when I do weed, I just start having all these weird, crazy thoughts and basically just of going crazy, like, of just going insane,
okay, yeah, you'll have those thoughts. You'll have thoughts for like, the first two hours of the trip, and then once you, like, resolve that it's fun. But I did acid and had, like, I think still, like, the scariest experience of my life, possibly, is having a bad acid trip where I actually thought I'd become schizophrenic, like, I almost called my brother to be like, I'm so sorry. I'm schizophrenic. Now I made myself schizophrenic with acid. I'm really sorry. My friend had to
take my phone away. But I guess you would call it ego death. But like, there was a period where I just did not know who I was, like, my friend pointed to my car, and I was like, I don't know what that like, just the like, I did not know who I was. Like, I would close my eyes, and I just felt, I really felt like I was a particle in the void of
space. It was so terrifying because I wasn't prepared for it, like I even remember him, like making jokes, and like, I didn't even understand the concept of a joke, like, and after that, after I, like, came out of that, I was so grateful to not be in that, like, void of nothingness that it was normally. I'm like, fuck capitalism, fuck consumerism. You know, there's more to life.
But after that moment, I was like, give me all the artifice, give me all the consumerism, give me all of just anything but that horrible nothingness that I just experienced. It's like it was, like, kind of a weird opposite of what you're supposed to take away from a trip where you're supposed to be more in touch with, like, nature or whatever else. Like, nothingness was so horrible that I just want everything that life is, even though it's, like, cheap or whatever. Like, what was he
saying? I don't
know, but that was fascinating. That was awesome. I love that I was like, you, I feel like I just went through the trip, through you. Like, I You did it for me, right?
So like, you're scared of that you're saying, but like, I do think it's therapeutic, because even though it's scary, like it will bring out whatever it is you're afraid of inside yourself. And like, that sucks. But like, if you can come out of it and like, address those things, like, it really is good for you. I think I just feel like I'm I now I'm scared to do it again, just because I did it so much already, and I'm like, I don't know, maybe I should just be stable, because I
feel stable. Another issue with doing it is that if you have a job, going back to your job after doing something like that, is really hard, because you're just like, I just. Saw like, the universe and like, now I have to, like, type on a keyboard. It's like, it doesn't really you feel like, less ambitious after it for like, a little while, because you, like, just have this grander perspective on things and like, but ultimately, you do have to go to work. So it's like, not good for that.
It's also sort of like, a little bit lonely, because you feel like you've come away with all these insights. But if you talk to people who don't know that feeling or don't know what you're talking about, you almost feel more alienated from people because you've now had this experience that they can't understand and have not had.
Wow, that's so fascinating. Yeah, tell me about your jobs, because I know you said something like you got fired from jobs for being too quiet, and I know I heard you say something about you worked at like a it was, like a real estate software thing or something. I was like, God, that sounds so much different than comedy.
Yeah. Actually, that was the most fun, like day job that I had, weirdly, just because I, like the people who are there, and it was just easy. But before that, I mean, that's when I was already starting to chill out because of the effective stand up, but, yeah, before that. I mean, again, just because of the social anxiety, like, I could not talk in meetings. I mean, I'm still
really bad at that. I'm still really bad at talking meetings, but I was way worse at it just because something about being in a group speaking, something about speaking in a group, was just trigger something in my brain that, like, I would just be, like, I don't know when to speak. Is it my turn to speak? Am I even valid? Something like, I'm just so bad at that, which is also why I'm not good and again, in group podcast, like the one on one, like this, it's like, easy. I can handle that.
Like, when it's the ping ponging, I just keep up. So I would definitely get fired specifically for that reason, of, like, not speaking up in meetings. Yeah, yeah.
I feel like that way, I'm fine one on one with people, or even small if it's like four people, like two couples or something. But I feel like, when you go to, like, a family gathering, I'm always like, Wait, who? Who do I talk to? What do I do? Like, it's just, it's too it's anxiety provoking, it's
a lot. I'm glad you say that. Yeah, some people, it just does not even occur to them. And right? But like, Well, some
people thrive in that. They're, like, the life of the party, and they're, you're going here, and they're going there, and I'm just like, how do they do that? I don't know how they're so confident. I
wonder if it's just the way you grew up. If you grew up in those situations a lot, it's like, nothing for you, like, if you had a big family or something, but I had a very tiny family, and I also never communicated with them, so like, I just didn't have the practice of, like, doing that, I guess,
right? Or, yeah, like, like, I mean, I guess I had a medium sight. We had six people in my family, but I feel like I was always the quiet one, like I was not the, you know, the so maybe that's why I just go in those situations and I clam up, yeah,
I don't know. I don't know what makes someone better at that than others. I don't, I don't know what really causes that kind of anxiety, but very specific group anxiety is weird, right from the
rockets to the wise men.