Hello listeners, and welcome to the inaugural episode of Chronically Low Competence. This is my new audio -only Let's Play podcast. I'm your host, Dan. If you're coming here because you're already familiar with me from the Super Switch Club or the Pass Along podcast, welcome. Thank you very much for your support. It really means a lot to me. If you're here because the algorithm somehow pushed me into your face and you were like, hey, that seems interesting, well, an extra
special welcome to you. I really hope that you enjoy what you hear today. Now, I thought long and hard about what to do for the first season of this podcast. I could have gone a familiar route, you know, played some retro game, used the setup and mic that I'm already comfortable with and know how it's going to turn out. But you saw the name of this episode, you know that's
not where we ended up. Instead, I thought it would be a great idea to do the single most taxing thing that I can on my laptop, which is play a VR game, and also record it at the same time. And also, who knows what quality the mic on the headset is? I certainly didn't going into this. So, yeah, a lot of really quality choices made just right off the bat here. You're just going to have to listen to see how it all panned out,
though. I should also mention that this is a VR game and I am not a young man, which means there's probably going to be some grunts and groans and gasps. pops and creaks uh etc i apologize in advance okay so without any further ado here is super hot vr all right hacker voice i'm in i am standing in a huge limitless white space uh there is a pistol looks like it's made out of black crystal floating in front of me so i
reach out And I take it. So now I am standing in an industrial facility, standing on a grate mesh floor. There's pipes and barrels. And a man made out of red crystal is standing right in front of me. Nothing seems to be happening, so I think I just dome him. Time moves when you move. So waving my hand, I can see his body fall down into the distance. Reach out. Grab the pyramid. Back in the white space, there's another red dude right in front of me. I think I'd just punch
him. Punch through. Now there's two more of them. I'm surrounded by a fence. They're both running towards me, fists up. Looks like the one on the left is coming in a little closer. His arm's already up swinging, so I think we let him miss. And then tap him in the elbow. Again in the chest. His buddy's up close now. Backhand. And then another hit. Down he goes. And another pyramid appears. Says to grab it. Grab it. Last round. I'm in a hallway. There's three of them. Directly
in front of me. All facing away. Don't see anything nearby. Start moving my arms. Let's do a little Bruce Lee to get him moving. My last name is Lee. Bruce Lee. I was born in San Francisco in 1940. There's one right up close. Give him a shot to the face. Head explodes. Next guy's coming in. His arms coming forward. Tap to the elbow. And then to the chest. Third guy's coming in.
Tap his hand. And he's down. And now, back in the white space, there is a very old -looking cell phone floating in front of me, again made out of black crystal. Move your body. I'm now in a hallway. There's a man, red crystal, pointing a gun at me. I shift. He starts running forward. Fires his gun, but I can slow time enough to dodge it. He's still coming closer. Dodge that one too. Still coming closer. Reach out and take his gun. Empty your mind. Looks like that was
a failure though. Gotta do it again. Move your bot. Duck it. Okay. Lead him over to the right. There we go. Hit him. And he's down. Back in the white space now there is a shuriken floating in front of me. Grab that. We've got two guys. Hard catch. And a wall of shuriken to my right. They're both running at me from a distance. Let's grab another shuriken. Third guy comes around the corner. Throw it in the one in front of me. He's down. Aim for the second one. Looks like
I'm going to miss that. Yep. Try again. There we go. Got him. Now the guy in the back. See if we can hit him at a distance. That's not going to work right now. Nope. One more. He's coming straight towards me. Maybe just... Straight ahead into his face. Yeah. Gun floating in front of me again. Looks like we've got a guy straight ahead of me. He's got a gun. There's another two to my right. I think we shoot the one in front of me. Throws his gun at me. So now I've
got two. Bring one over. Second guy. Third guy. Done. Easy enough. Hands up. There's three of them. One's very close. Let's hit him in the dome. Looks like the other guy on the stairs is going to get to me first. Let's tap him in the hand and the shoulder. Another guy coming in. Done. Easy. Your flight is cancelled, it says. I'm in an airport. I have a guy with a gun directly in front of me. Two more. One to the left, one to the right, running towards me.
Got a bottle, two bottles, and an ashtray here. Dodge the bullet. Throw the bottle. Got the guy in front of me with the bottle. Looks like I lost the gun, though. Aim for his buddy over here to the left. And looks like I got him. Ashtray to the right. That's going to miss, but we've got another one. Wait for him to come around the corner. Looks like this is the only one left. Ha! Missed. I guess we're going to do this the old -fashioned way. Come on, buddy. Bop. And
we're done. Concrete security. I'm right behind a console. There's two running towards me and a third with a gun in the back. He just fired it. Dodge the bullet. Throw this... Calculator at the closer guy. He's done. Oh, another bullet. Third bullet, but I now throw this cup at him. Looks like I missed. Can I grab this bullet? Nope, but I missed. This guy's tough. Do you have more rounds? Yep. Take his gun. And we got it. Easy enough. Time to pay. Guy reaching for
the gun directly in front of me. Got it. Looks like I need to try again. Give it a try and I'm back to that first scenario where I picked up the gun. Guy directly in front of me. Let's shoot him. Grab his gun. Number two. And number three. Done. Hands up. We're on the stairs again. Two in front of me. One to the right. Front of me is down. Get in position. Tap the second guy. Twice. Third guy is coming in. Give him a double hit and we're good. Your flight is cancelled.
We're back to this one. Bottle. Bottle. There we go. Dodge the bullet. Throw the bottle. Second bottle over to the right. This time I got the gun. Bottle to the right. Or bottle to the left actually. Shoot to the right. Camera to the left. I missed the first time. That's still missed. But we've got a gun. Takes care of that. Concrete security. Okay, cup to the right. Block a bullet with a calculator. Ashtray to the right. Block another bullet. Dodge the third. Got a calculator.
Aim carefully. Throw. Advance time, and boom, got it. Time to pay. Got the guy directly in front of me with the gun. There's a guy to my left running for a gun. Let's take him. There's a third who just fired. Let's dodge that. Aim for him. Nope, missed. Another shot. Missed again. Dodging his bullets. Third shot. Come on. No, looks like I'm still going to miss. Can I? Yep, I can grab another gun. Fire that. Got him. And there we go. So, hopefully that wasn't too confusing
of a cold open for you folks. I'm playing Superhot VR, as you could probably tell from it saying Superhot over and over. For those who maybe haven't played this game, it's sort of a first -person shooter puzzle game. The gimmick is time only moves when you move, and so you can move slowly to advance time and dodge things like bullets, or quickly, such as firing a gun, in order to actually take out your opponents. The goal, of course, is to take out all the guys around you.
That was essentially the tutorial that I just finished. So now I'm in the menu, which Superhot VR does something that a lot of the early wave of VR games did, which is it has a skeuomorphic menu space that you stand in instead of like a screen that floats in front of you that you just point at. Instead, I am in an actual room. It looks like a closet, but there's like one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. old looking computers and a bunch of keyboards, four monitors.
They all show a floppy disk on them being inserted into a disk drive. And there's a floppy disk labeled Super Hot Disk B here in front of me, which I can pick up. And this is essentially the menu. Like in order to play the game, I pick up a disk and I put it in the disk drive like that. And it loads. And then there's a VR headset floating above me that just turned on. So I can grab that, lower it onto my head, and we're back in the white space. That's essentially the game.
It's a series of levels where I defeat each of the guys who come around. We're going to see how far we can get and how well it goes. Right now I've got the gun floating in front of me again. Let's grab it. Break in is the name of this stage. There's a guy directly in front of me. I don't want to waste this gun, so tap, tap. That should take care of him. Yep. Moving on. I've got two Uzis in front of me. I see four guys. Two to my right, two to my left. One coming
down the stairs with a gun. Let's aim for him. And these two on the left first. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Oh. There we go. Got him. It was a little tricky. I had to dodge those bullets. Three in front of me. One with a gun. Two with a gun. One in the back left, one to the far right. Guy directly in front of me is very close. Close enough I can take his gun. Maybe throw this cup at him. Ooh, there's a secret guy behind him. Four guys, actually. Gonna raise a cup to block
that bullet. Take out this close guy. Ooh, that hidden guy had an Uzi. Fired him and duck. Oh, there's an Uzi down here under the desk. Let's take care of that. And they're down. All right. Emergency exit. I'm in a bicycle shop. There's a gun immediately to my left. I see three guys. One. Four guys. One with an Uzi. One with a handgun. Let's take Uzi first. And handgun next. His gun's coming towards me in the air. Oh, one of the guys in the back pulled a gun as well. Him. Grab
the fallen gun. And the last guy. Super. Done. Easy enough. Back to the white space. I guess I finished that segment. No problem. Grab the gun again. Guy with an Uzi directly in front of me. Hallway downstairs. Looks like we're in an Asian part of town. I see a Chinese dragon in the background of the sculpture. Let's shoot this guy in front of me. Grab his Uzi. Guy comes around the corner. Two guys. Let's take the one with the gun first. And the one on the left.
Got them both. Advance time. Get into position. I can see throwing stars at the other end of the stage. I'm going to throw these guns over there. Nope. Broke one of them. Wow. Looks like that's not going to make it. But I was right. I just appeared in that area that I just saw. I can see my gun falling. So I had the right instinct. I see two guys, both with Uzis. Three guys running towards me, directly in front of me. Grab a handgun. Grab a ninja star. I think
handgun for the far away guy. Pop. And the other guy to the left. Pop. Oh, missed. Take another shot. And another. And one more at the guy on the stairs. Oh. Guess I ran out. Shit. Oh, there's an Uzi here. I'll just lean around the corner and pop a pop. Got one. Still got my throwing star. Let's huck that out. Missed with that. Try again. And again. Nope. Alright, well, let's just do the Uzi then. Get him out from behind this piece. He's got like a pot in front of me
that's blocking him. Oh, here he comes. Done. Surrounded. I've got two throwing stars falling in front of me. I'm on a bridge. I see four guys. Two to my left, two to my right. Two of them have knives. Let's throwing star the knife guys. That'll get me their knives. And then I can cut the one on the right and the one on the left. Pretty good. Just throw these knives up just in case. Nope, not in the same spot. Guy in front of me trying to punch. Looks like there's an
Uzi here. Let's grab that. And a throwing star just to be safe. I see three more coming to my left. Two of them have guns. Let's take one. Nope. Missed. And again. There we go. Uzi's out. Let's do a throwing star at this one. I can block the bullets with a gun. That's helpful. Throwing star. Ooh, that guy's got a shotgun. Throwing star. Ah! Shotgun move really fast. You got me. Back to the void. Back to the handgun. Alright, guy directly in front of me. Back in the alleyway
at the top of the stairs. Let's shoot him. Uzi drops. Grab it. Guy on the left. Guy on the right. There we go. Alright. Back to that area with pots and the three guys. Let's go. Handgun and Uzi. Bring them around. And fire. Got both of them. That was perfect. Third guy to my right. Just do a little handgun. Well, couldn't quite get around the geometry of the pipes. Let's wait for him to get a little closer. Come a little closer. There he is. Pop. Done. Let's see. I
think I appeared on the bridge last time. Let's see if I can get these guns over there. And these throwing stars, too. Pop. All right. We got two throwing stars coming this way. I'm on the bridge again. Four guys. Two on the left, two on the right. Let's grab my throwing stars. Ha! The throwing stars I threw last round killed the two on the right for me. So we can focus entirely on the left. Throw. Throw. Grab a knife. I don't know. Where did I appear next last time? I think
maybe up there? I can see a balcony with a bunch of throwing stars. Let's throw this knife up there as well. Grab it. Was I right? I do see the knife, but I didn't throw it far enough. Guy in front of me. Pop. Give him the old double hand Bruce Lee punch. Grab the Uzis. Looks like there's a third Uzi. That'll be helpful. Bring him around. Let's aim for this guy. Okay, got one. He's fired at me, so I gotta lean a little. Two. Three. Oh, shotgun guy. Looks like he got
a shot off, but I can dodge it. And now we've got just the last one in the back with the pistol. Spray. And there he goes. Ha ha. That's right. Super hot. Oh. All right. Back in the white void. Guy directly in front of me. I guess I'll just put fists through his face. Bye bye. I am in. Some kind of... Oh yeah, I'm in a helicopter. I can see the shadow of the blades moving. Punch that guy out of the helicopter. Looking down at some boxes with pistols on them. Let's grab
the pyramid. Yep, down at the boxes with pistols. I see one, two guys coming. Grab a pistol. Grab a pistol. Bring it around. One on the right's got a gun himself, so let's handle him. Whoa! Like water. Yep, that was fast. He shot me straight in the head. All right, we're back around. Kill the guy in the helicopter. Teleport down. Let's grab a different gun. A little bit closer. Bring it around. Since he's already fired, I can get
out of the line of fire and pop. Got him. Guy on the left grabbed a gun, but he's not going to last. I thought he wasn't going to last long enough to fire it. I was wrong. So let's block his bullet. Bring both guns to bear. Pop. Oh. I guess if you fire two guns too close together, they hit each other. So we'll use one to block his bullets. And one. Oh my god. Alright, one's empty. Let's try the other one. Straight in the head. Oh. Guy just appeared in the helicopter.
He wasn't there before. Let's drop these guns. Reach over for this one. And grab this one out of the air. He just fired at me. Aim and tap. Ah, damn it. Shotgun blast got me from that guy in the helicopter. So. Now you put water into a cup. It becomes the cup. Back around. We're in the helicopter. Kill the guy there. Grab the pyramid. Pistol on the right. Two guys coming. One on the right already has a gun. Let's take him. And the one on the left who's trying to
get a gun. Let's take him. Oh, he juked me. But I know where he's going. Oh, well. Shit. There we go. Buddy up in the helicopter has appeared. Just fired. Shit. Okay. That means I can't fire because then... His shots. He's firing a shotgun, so I don't think I'm going to be able to dodge it. Let's advance time slowly. I think I can block. Yeah, only one of these is going to hit me. Let's block that and then fire. I think I missed with that one. Duck a little. Block. And
fire. And... That time his spray didn't get near me, so I'm just going to fire again. Oh, well, that gun was used up, but I got him. Tricky one. It's really cool watching the helicopter blades move faster and slower as I move. That's so cool. Grab the pyramid. Make them pay. I'm standing in what looks like the lobby. I can see the helicopter to the right, so we're now inside the building we were just outside of. I've got two guns in front of me. And a third to the right. I see
two guys coming. One to my right with an Uzi. One to my left coming down the stairs. Oh! And a guy on the balcony to my right that I did not notice who just shot at me. Let's handle him and the one on the right first. Or, yeah, one on the right down here first. Pop. Dodge his bullet. Guy on the left. Oh, blocked his bullet even. Guy on the left. I don't know which of those is going to hit him. He's got an Uzi, so he's coming. Got him. That was a good shot. Throw
him up in the air just in case. Grab. Let loose. So now I am at that balcony where that guy shot at me from before. I got four, five, six Uzis. Four guys coming, all with Uzis. One of those. Yep, just started firing. Let's grab an Uzi. Let's crouch. And let's do just a little spray. Got him in the head. Another spray here. Got another one. Third spray. Ah! You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle. His shot hit me. Damn. Back to the helicopter. Pop. Kick this
guy out. Grab the pyramid. Gun to my right. Shoot this guy on the right. Shoot this guy on the left. And up to the helicopter. And let's just let time advance a little bit. Reel forward. Duck his shots. And he's down. Now that you know the trick, it's a lot easier. Grab the pyramid. Make them pay. Alright. Gun to my right. And my left. First the balcony guy. And the one on the right, just like last time. I think one of those is going to miss. Do another shot. Oh,
no, I guess I did get him. Ah, but he got me. You put in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. All right, helicopter. Bop. Grab the pyramid. Gun. Right. Left. Oh. Left. And helicopter. Ducked shots. And let's do one more just for good measure. Got him. Grab pyramid. Alright, make them pay again. Two handguns. One to the right. Hop. One to... That was the balcony, actually. One to the right. That should get him. And then over here on the left on the stairs, let's just do...
Uh, there. God, I keep hitting my own bullets. Another round. I think that'll get him. Let's just real time forward. Yep, got him. All right. And now, wait a minute. Pistol. Where's the balcony that I appeared on? Oh, it's actually directly in front of me. It's the one that guy ran down from. If I can throw this gun. Nope. I threw that gun straight into the ceiling. Let's try this one. Alright. Drop the pyramid. Let loose. Gun's floating in the air, but it's not going
to help me. It's too far away. Alright. Uzi. Spray. Duck. Spray. And third spray. Oop, nope. Oop, they're firing at me. Let me drop this Uzi. Duck. Grab two more. Let them advance their bullets a little bit. Let's block what they're firing. It's so cool blocking the bullets. And then... Ba -da -da. Ooh. Nope. Ba -da -da. Man, I am having a lot of trouble with this one. Okay, got one on the left. Let's just block this and throw that. Ah! Shot me again. Now water can
flow or it can crash. Helicopter guy. Bop. And reel forward. Pyramid. Gun to the right. Bring it up. And pop. And pop. There we go. And on top. Pop. Be water, my friend. I got careless. I got cocky. All right. Helicopter. Bop. Pyramid. Grab. Pistol to the right. Bring it up. Shoot right. Shoot left. Shoot helicopter. And he's down. Pyramid. Make them pay. Alright. Pistol. Pistol. Balcony. And then to my right. And then
to my left. Pop. And pop. I missed this guy on the right, actually, somehow, so let's do that again. I think that'll work. Yep, got him. Okay. Let me think about this. There was a guy behind this pillar in front of me. Let's throw a gun over there. And grab. Well, I guess there wasn't a guy there. Alright. Oh, no, there was. I think I killed one with it. Yeah, alright, cool. Oh, he didn't die, actually. Alright, spray. Spray. Spray. Okay, that's three. Give me another Uzi.
Use this as a shield. Block. Spray. Got him! Haha! Success, finally. Grab the pyramid. Wait for it. Okay, now I'm outside on a balcony facing the helicopter. I have no... I have no weaponry. Oh, the helicopter's coming towards me. Oh. Oh. Uh. Uh. It's... Oh! Pyramid appeared. What's going to happen? I guess you're just going to have to listen to the next episode to find out. Until then, please rate and review this podcast
anywhere you can. Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, etc. It really does make a big difference and I would really appreciate it. You can also find me on Blue Sky YouTube and you can email me as well. You can check the episode description for the relevant details for all of that. Thank you very much for listening to the episode and I hope that you'll tune in for the next one as well. All type of knowledge ultimately means self -knowledge.