I'm so glad that therapy when I was introduced to it happened when it happened, because it has really helped me survive everything that I've gone through, going through therapy with my divorce, realizing or I was wrong, being able to say, well, wait a second, perhaps you did become a little controlling. Now that I'm going to start couples therapy, I am looking forward to becoming a better partner and eventually a better wife. You guys know what time it is.
It's time for your favorite podcast, Cheeky's and Chill. I'm your host Cheeky's and I'm so happy to be recording a new episode for you guys today. I'm constantly talking about how much of an advocate I am for therapy, and therapy has helped me so much over the years. So I thought i'd record an episode on some of the biggest lessons I've learned about you. But I'm ready to jump into today's episode, so let's do it. This
is Cheeky's and Chill. Alrighty guys, So I'm gonna make this short and sweet and to the point, but bottom line, I love therapy and I think we all need it. It's not a sign of weakness. It's not that there is something wrong with you, that you're crazy, none of that. Because I don't know about you, guys, but growing up, I heard it was more of like a negative thing. If you have to go to therapy, it's like, oh, something's wrong with you, and depression doesn't exist, and blah
blah blah. Thank goodness, now people speak about depression and anxiety a little bit more openly, especially after the pandemic, and talk about therapy, and I hear it a lot more now, which I'm so grateful for because I've been in therapy since I was twelve years old, when you know, we found out, or my mom found out that I
was sexually abused by my dad. My mom didn't know much about therapy, she had never gone to therapy herself, and the police department and the doctor basically mandated it, like you have to take her to therapy, and once she does her individual therapy, you guys have to do family therapy. So that's when my journey started with therapy.
And I'm so glad that it happened. When it happened therapy when I was introduced to it, because it is really I think helped me survive everything that I've gone through and that I've had to face and endure in my lifetime. And I remember being twelve and talking to this strange person, this woman that she was so nice, but I was like, how am I going to tell her everything? But it was so nice to not feel shy.
She made me feel so comfortable and I was able to just express to her without worrying about her getting upset or feeling shy, just telling her everything that had happened. Things I still at that moment, and I think my entire life really was able to talk to my mom about it. I was able to talk to my mom you guys, about what had happened, the details of the
sexual abuse to anyone really. So it was nice to speak to someone that wasn't in my household, that wasn't my thea, that wasn't my sister, that wasn't my mom, that it was just like someone that wanted to know how I was doing. And I liked it. I would
leave there and I'm like, oh, I could breathe. I just felt lighter, and it really helped me get through it, especially after my dad, you know, went on the run for ten years, I continued it and it was covered at that time by our insurance, so that was great. So I was able to do it for a few months. And then we did family therapy, which was kind of cool because my mom was still trying to figure out how to deal with this whole situation, and you know, and I think she did a great job. You know,
she never questioned me. She was very supportive of like whatever it is that I was feeling, but she never allowed me to victimize myself, you know, to feel sorry for myself. It was kind of like, Okay, this happened, let's move forward. And I'm so grateful she was like that, without her even knowing, she would give me therapy. So anyways, the point is that's when I started, and I've learned a lot about myself, about life, about other people through therapy.
And I think the difference between therapy, I feel, and counseling or life coaching is that in therapy, you're just able to express yourself and just let it out and talk freely to someone that is not going to judge you and just unload. And then life coaching is more like here are the tools, you know. So I've done both and they've both been great. And I started off with therapy and then as I got older, I did life coaching. But it's helped me out through you know,
that situation, the sexual abuse. It helped me through I experienced bullying at a young age because we didn't have you know, I didn't have the right shoes. I didn't have the cool clothes. You know, we didn't my mom wasn't driving the best car then, you know what I mean, So little things like that, and also because of my body weight, So that helped me, especially through like my divorce and mainly through losing my mom. And I think
that was one of the most important sessions. I'll never forget that session when my therapist told me, and I've shared this with you guys plenty of times here on the podcast, but you know, when my therapist said, two weeks before my mom passed, you know, you need to start living your life as if your mom were no longer. Here guys, at that moment, I was like, what are you saying. He was a very very strong therapist, this man, and I'm so grateful for him, and I don't know
where he is or what happened. I lost touch, but I hope he's well, because little does he know he helped me so much. He's the one that taught me it is okay to love people from Afar if they are not good for your heart and your mental health. Doesn't matter who they are, it's okay for you to excuse yourself from their life and remove them from yours. And I for a long time, I was like, what,
I live in a culture where it's like family. You know, blood is thicker than water, and it's like, no matter what, that's your family member, that's your mom, your dad, Like you need to put up with them even if there is emotional, verbal, even physical abuse. Sometimes that's how I think. And I don't know about you guys, other Latin people here listening, if you guys experienced that, but I definitely did. And he really helped me understand that. I'll never forget
when he told me that. And I was at first in shock and I was resistant, and I was like, what is he talking about? And I'm not gonna lie. I thought, Okay, well, he's Caucasian, you know, maybe he just doesn't understand my culture, you know, but it really helped me. I left there and I cried, and I was like, how am I gonna like go on with my life, and like, oh, my mom's not here when I know she's literally fifteen minutes away from my house.
But it helped me because I started little by little practicing it, and then my mom passed and I continued with therapy and I had to actually when she passed, it had to stop a little bit because I had to go like tend to my siblings and make sure they were okay, and I got them into therapy. I was like, you guys got to get into therapy. I've I've all of us, all of my siblings were all we've all done therapy. To me, it's something that has
been super important. I'm like, no, this is huge. If there's anything we're gonna invest in, it's going to be therapy. You know. So they were going to therapy. And then after I've continued, I go on and off. It's not just going through therapy or going to therapy when and everything is falling apart in your life. Yes you definitely, yes we need it, but also when things are great, it's just it's it's like a car, you know, you
got to keep maintaining it. The maintenance is important. Which is why I just had a session yesterday and it was great, and I was like, I hadn't had a session in like three weeks, and I was like, oh, I felt so much better, you guys. So I just want to share my experience with you guys and let you guys know how passionate I am about this topic and what I have learned and how much it's helped me.
So hopefully you guys can also go to therapy and not think of it in a negative way, you know, because like I said earlier, some of us were taught or heard that it was a bad thing. But it's not, okay. Another very important breakthrough that I had in therapy was when the whole thing with my dad happened, and I felt when I was twelve, I remember, I was like almost thirteen, had been in therapy for almost like a whole year. So anyways, I remember the therapist telling me
this is not your fault. I need you to know that this is not your fault, that you didn't do anything wrong, because for a long time I felt like, well, what if it was me? What if I hugged him too much? What if I called this upon myself? For
you know, I thought so many different things. And that's one thing that when I heard that for those of you who have dealt with sexual abuse or have a family member or a friend like, it is so important to let them know it's not your fault and it doesn't make you less valuable because for a long time, you guys, I felt dirty, I felt less than I felt like no one's gonna want me. I'm used up.
I had all these thoughts at such a young age, even after you know what I mean, Like it took I'm telling you years a therapeat it to hear this and be like, hey, get that out of your mind. You're not used up. You're still going to find someone that's going to love you and value you for who you are and it's not your fault. And another thing was I was always told you're a liar. You're a liar, like because I think my dad wanted to make my
mom believe that. And I did feel like, oh my gosh, to appoint you guys, where I was like, oh my god, is this all allied? Did I make this up in my mind? Did this really happen? Like I was questioning and doubting myself. It was the craziest thing. So that's one thing that going to therapy like got me out of my head and saying these things out loud and having someone else tell you, hey, wait stop, that is not true and helping you understand what is really happening.
So that was a huge thing. Another thing was my divorce.
That was another breakthrough, you guys, going through therapy with that and uh, realizing that or I was wrong as well because I was so fixated on this didn't work because you hurt me because the things that he had done were so loud, right, and so in your face where it's like, Okay, the divorce happened because of you, and it didn't work because of you, but really being able to say, well, wait a second, do you not see that perhaps you did become a little controlling because
of what was happening, but still, let's take away what he did. You had the power to stop yourself from being that way. And that was another moment where I was like, oh shoot, because I wanted to kind of blame him for everything, and looking within yourself and saying, you know what, I'm not going to focus so much on what that other person did or didn't do or whatnot. It's what can I change to move forward because I never want this to happen again. I want a healthier relationship.
I want to be better dude. And this just was like a few years ago, after being in therapy for years, I had to go through therapy for the sexual abuse, for my mom, for just like getting into the music industry, going through a divorce. Now with even my current relationship, it's like it's fine tuning and still learning. It's like we're evolving creatures, We're changing constantly. Things are changing around us.
That's why for me it's important to continue for the rest of my life with therapy, especially being in the industry, so that I don't get caught up in things that aren't necessarily important. I can always focus on my mental health, my spiritual health, my emotional health. And that helped me so much to say, hey, wait a second, you're not perfect, you know what I mean, Like, you also did things
that caused tension in the relationship. And when I saw it that way and my therapist told me, I was like, oh, shoot, okay, here's the mirror, look at it, look at yourself, and also forgive yourself. It's okay and forgive the person and not hold resentment and not only blame them, because when we do that, it's like you you you, Like they say you're pointing one finger, and there's three fingers pointing
back at you. And for a long time, I was so upset and so angry for this and that, and it's like for a whole year, and it was so I was so unhappy and I was carrying so much that I was like, you know, what if that, you know, that's stuff that they have to deal with. Let me deal with what I have to deal with within myself and what can I change and how can I be a better human being? How can I be just better overall? So that helped me out. That was another breakthrough, you guys.
And it was a harsh reality. I'm not gonna lie because I was say, wait, what, I'm not perfect? Oh my goodness. And then I started dating a medio and then I realized that I'm really I really have some things I got to heal. But it's been great and I'm learning and I'm growing and I can honestly say I'm very proud of where I'm at and how I feel about myself. And even after losing weight, you'd think, oh, my goodness, cheeky's like you've lost so much weight, like
you are so confident. Yes I am, but there are little things. We all have little insecurities. And I owe it all to therapy, you guys, to talking to someone that has an unbiased opinion and advice that's only to be like, hey, I want the best for you, and that feels so good. Another thing that therapy has helped me with and I kind of mentioned it right now, but really stepping out of myself and out of an egoistic, egocentric mindset and being able to put myself into another
person's shoes. That's another thing, and that isn't always the easiest thing to do, but it really has helped me be more compassionate with myself first and foremost, but also with other people and saying, well, wait a second, let me take a deep breath and say, okay, I'm feeling this way, but let me put my feelings to the side for a little bit and put myself in the other person's shoes. And it just helps you really see
things in a different way. And I'm so grateful and I owe it honestly to my therapist, and I've had different therapists, you guys, throughout the years. I like to switch to them like for a while, Like right now, I've had this last therapist for the past I don't know, like year and a half, and she's been great. She's so awesome, And now she's going to become my couple's therapist. You know, I'm going to do therapy with the medium, and I'm really excited because that's like a whole other
phase of therapy. But it's great if you can stick with the same one forever. But I just, I don't know. I like to also see what else I can learn from someone different, So it's all up to you. But it definitely has helped me become, I guess, in a way, a kinder person, a more compassionate person, and being able to understand that other people are going through things as well.
You know, I can't take it personally when someone on social media is saying you're this, you're that, you're fat, you can't this, you can't whatever negative thing they're throwing at me. I've learned to say, you know what, instead of getting upset, I'm just gonna be compassionate, say you know what, this person is probably not happy, because if
this person were happy, they wouldn't be saying this. A content person, a healthy person, doesn't have the need to go out and try to make another person feel bad. So that's another thing. It's helped me with that as well, with the cyber bullying and people being rude, because that can take you into like a dark, dark, dark hole, and it's helped me with that as well. Also with
my siblings. You know, I was kind of like their mother figure for so long, and I had to learn to step away and be more of a sister figure and let them make mistakes and learn and come to me when they're ready and not be so invasive and overbearing because I was. And it's like, I don't want you to fall, like let me help you, let me hold you by your hand, and it's like, that's not the way life works. It's go ahead, I'm gonna let go of your hand. You go your own way and
figure things out. And that was a hard pill for me to swallow. And the fact that all my siblings, all of them are either in therapy or have been in therapy, I think it's really helped us heal the loss of our mother and understand that all of us feel different about it and are going to mourn her
differently and at different times. And I think that that has been a game changer, because you know, sometimes like Jenica, for instance, my sister Jenica, she she's not one to cry and to express how much she misses my mom. If she says it, it's like, oh shoot, but she does it on her alone time, you know, and for a while, it's kind of like, well, you don't miss her, you don't cry, like you don't have feelings, and it's like that's not a right way to look at it.
So it's like going to therapy has helped us understand each other and the process of losing our mom and how we all handle it differently. And that's why I'm so grateful because all of us again are on the same page. And I can honestly tell you guys that I am so glad that I was going and I was in therapy before I met Emilio, and we both are in therapy now. He's been in therapy consistently since
we've been together, like weekly. If he misses a session, it's like not more than a month, you know what I mean, Like he's very, very consistent, and I appreciate that because that shows me he's doing his work, his internal work. Because a relationship, and I've learned this throughout the years and through therapy, is a relationship is basically two individuals coming together with their own thoughts, their own opinion, is their own feelings to help each other not necessarily
become better. It's like, no, you have to work on yourself as an individual and then come back and want to be a better person for yourself first and foremost, and then for your partner. And I think him and I are on the same page. And I'm glad that I've gone through every relationship I've gone through because it's really just helped me learn more about myself, about what I want and I don't want, and how I want to be different in myself to have a healthier relationship.
And it really has helped my relationship a lot. And now we're going into the phase of Okay, for two and a half years, we've been doing our individual therapy and now we're going to do our couples therapy because now we're engaged, and now we have to know that this is a huge commitment and are we both ready for it, and I'm excited for that because we're still
learning from each other, we're still growing. And now that I'm going to start this new phase of therapy, like doing couples therapy and having a partner that is so willing and so open to doing it, I am looking forward to becoming a better partner and eventually a better wife, you know. And I think communication is huge, but being able to communicate in the right way as well, and understanding that he is his own individual person and there's no need to control or to have to know where
he is at every moment of the day. And this is huge, you guys, because this is one thing that I was very worried about before and even now where it's like, Okay, things change once you get married, and I kind of and I think through therapy, I'm like really looking forward to understanding that I don't have to see it that way, that it could be something very beautiful, that it's like we're growing together and things will change, but maybe it'll change for the better, instead of seeing
it as a negative thing. So I'm really looking forward to that, and I'm excited to do it with this couple because they've also had obviously their share of situations in their marriage, and this is why they can give us advice and counseling because they are now a healthy relationship because of what they've gone through and what they've grown through, you know. So I'm really looking forward to that.
I really really am. And am I nervous. Yes, I'm nervous because I'm pretty sure that I'm going to hear things I don't want to hear about myself. But it's okay because being uncomfortable also helps you grow. So I want to grow and I want to be a better version of myself for myself and for my partners. So really looking forward to it. I'll keep you guys updated on that after a few sessions, and you know, I'll
always be honest. So I'm sure I'm going to hear a few things and I'm not gonna want to hear. The truth hurts sometimes, you guys, but that is what helps us become better, which is why I want to do this episode. You got to be honest and tell you guys that I'm not trying to shove it down your throat. You know, therapy and counseling and life coaching, but I kind of am. I'm a huge advocate and I just really want you guys to understand and to
see how it's helped my life. And there are programs out there you guys, where they can help you, give you a nice discount or even sometimes for free through your insurance or through medical Like I think, if where there is a will, there is a way, and if you really want it, you can make it happen. And there are resources, so don't make an excuse of saying, oh,
it's too expensive, because it can get expensive. Yes, absolutely, but there are also resources and websites that can help you with obtaining some good therapy, even if it's once a month, Every little bit helps. And yes, I take my breaks, Like I said earlier, I take my breaks. I take a couple months and then I'm like, okay, let's go. It can't just be when we're feeling sad. It's like, okay, I'm happy, I'm grateful, Like it's in always just writing down notes. That's a big thing, you guys.
Writing down notes like from my therapy session after helped me to go back so you know, and remind myself refresh my memory about that. That's another tip I wanted to tell you guys, write down the notes and write down things that you learn from your session so that
you can apply them moving forward, you know. And just to close up the episode, I definitely think that if I wasn't in therapy and wasn't intentional about wanting to become a better version of myself every single day, I would be definitely a different person, for sure, one hundred percent.
I think my faith in God and my spirituality and being in therapy has really helped me deal and mend my broken heart because I'm saying like I've had my heart broken in many different ways, not just by a significant other, but in different ways and in different situations and experiences in my life. It's helped me mend my broken heart art and it's helped me, I think, stay sane even in the industry as a Latina who isn't
necessarily like you know. I mean, I'm a curvy girl, and I was even curvier before, so it's like that was a whole other thing. So I definitely would not be who I am today if it wasn't for therapy. So if you can, I would highly recommend that you find a therapist someone that fits you, and it's gonna take a little bit to find someone that you feel comfortable with. But don't give up and don't feel discouraged. If the first person you go to you're not vibing with,
it's not your jam. It's gonna take a little bit to find the person that is your perfect fit that makes you feel comfortable. Okay, just be patient, all right? With that being said, you guys, thank you so much for listening to another episode of cheekysin show. I love that I can sit in front of the mic and share really personal stories with you guys. Now let's shift gears into this week's motivational quote, and the quote is taking care of yourself is productive. Mm hmm. Taking care
of yourself is productive, guys. So thank you guys, los quiro mucho. I appreciate you listening, and just send me so much love and I will see you on the next episode. Okay, I love you guys. Do you need advice on love, relationships, health emails. I'm so excited to share with you that my Cheekys and Chill podcast will have an extra episode drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just leave me a voice message. All you have to do is. Go to speak pipe dot com,
slash Cheeky's and Chill podcast and record your questions. I can't wait to hear from you. This is a production of iHeartRadio and The Mic podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael Gurda Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i q o i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast, and check us out on YouTube.