Therapy is for Everyone

and important topic, therapy. I'm a huge out of a gift for therapy. I've been going to therapy since I was twelve years old. Now it's helped me understand and cope with all sorts of things in my life. So we have a lot to talk about today, so let's just get right to it. Welcome to another episode of cheek Ease and Chill. Today's guest is Arianna Alejandre. She's a licensed marriage and family therapist and she's also the

founder of the website and podcast Latin X Therapy. You guys, I'm so excited to talk to her today and all things related to therapy, including why it's stigmatized especially in the Latin X community. Arian now welcome. How are you hey, I'm great, Thank you so much for having me. Of course, No, I'm excited. I'm excited because, like I said earlier, I'm a huge advocate for therapy. I started therapy when I

was twelve years old. We were actually started as family therapy, and that was kind of crazy because my siblings were there, my mom was there, and we were talking about what had happened to me. I was sexually abused by my dad. So I was the first time I was introduced to

therapy and what it did for my life. Then just talking about it, even it was very weird for me to talk about it in front of my mom, But once she left the room and my siblings did two and it was just me and the therapist, it helped me so much to just remove all those things and that I kind of felt like a shame, you know. I felt that shame that I felt over me, and it really did help me. So I'm so happy that

you're here, that you're Latina that um. I have a lot of questions, so so just bear with me, okay, Yeah, so tell me you tell me a little bit about latin X therapy. Yes, thank you. So I launched latin X Therapy in two thousand eighteen. I came from a family that didn't know that. I don't know if they didn't know little We didn't talk about therapy or mental health. And I discovered it when I was in college, and that's when I became actually a single teen mom um

and it was just a really intense time. I was all by myself. I used to Santa Barbara, you know, I experienced knowingly postpartum depression. And after I went to therapy because professor recommended it, I realized I can't stay in therapy because I heard my mom's voice and familia, you know, we fixed problems in the family. So I left. But I was so curious after my three sessions that I decided to major in psychology and then become a therapist. I love that. Yeah, I held onto that. You know,

once you start talking, you really experience a lot of relief. Um. And so that really motivated me to start latin X Therapy when I was a therapist. Because our field is actually about white probably higher um. I'm being very moderate with my number there, but it's very frustrating, you know for folks in our community to find a therapist that speaks their language and understands these cultural notions that are not even taught to therapist when we go through our

graduate training. So it's basically our lived experiences that guide us in session with our own people. And so I wanted to launch this for the community for my clients, but it ended up being a national and then a global sensation. So here we are now. Yeah, I love it. Honestly, thank you. I want to say thank you. I I love to see our people go to school and get their education and help others, help our community. And that's what you're doing. And like you said earlier, um, I

think my mom because she wasn't raised with therapy. But when I think it was actually the cop that was doing all the investigations said, you know what, I think she might need some counseling, some type of therapy. And at first I remember my mom like, well, kind of what is that? You know what I mean? But she listened, and I'm so happy that she did, because again they see it as something I'm gonna is that's that's a sign of weakness what I've experienced in our culture exactly.

So thank you because I love that you're doing is I love that it's called Latin X or Latin X therapy. I think that that's important. I think that even just having that word Latin in there, I feel like it just gives you that comfortability of like, Okay, it's going

to be someone that understands me. Because, like you said, there's so much relief in speaking to someone that's not your family that you could just ah, like literally there's in other words, you know, and just say emotionally exactly and say hey, here, here it is, I'm gonna let it all hang out. And yes, you get liberated. Dude. It's like this liberty, this like liberation that you feel of I let it out, and I mean, I'm telling you, it's it's helped me so much, guys. And you guys

know I've been through quite a bit. Like what do you think is the stigma? Like what's the stick the stigma with therapy and and our culture. Well, I think there's different layers here, but one that we have to acknowledge is the lack of education that we have and that is available about mental health itself and how it hasn't been accessible for decades, if not longer. Right, I think mental health because it isn't talked about in the public. I it's something that's very hush hush um. We end

up stigmatizing emotions. So talking about feelings, I think is rooted in um or not talking about feelings rather is rooted in machista Machismore values. Machismore refers to the role of men and how men are expected to reserve emotions and if they are to express emotions, only certain ones are accepted, like being angry, um, being uh, you know, actions like sexism and all of that. So I think that definitely because that's more accepted than being vulnerable with

all range of emotions. It harms us. It creates this cycle, this like collective way of thinking and how to accept, how to behave in our own worlds um. And that is actually also a learned behavior. And so we we learn from the people that raise us, whether they are your biological folks or not. We learn from people that are raising us how to accept, how to behave, how to think. Essentially, it's when we leave those communities when we start realizing, ah, you know, I didn't know about that.

I didn't know that it was okay, I didn't know you know that therapy existed that you know, mental health isn't just for crazy people. I didn't know medication could help me in that way, right, And so all of those notions are lack of knowledge about those topics because

they're just not talked about enough. Um, we also have Maria Nismore in which that's the role and expectations of women and how women are expected to be pillars of the family and self sacrificial, so you know, stay together for the sake of the family familia, right, that comes first. There's like this very silent role in our community that we shouldn't talk about our problems because then that would

burden someone else. And we don't want to burden others with our stuff because we also tend to compare, right, like, they're probably going through worse things than what we're going through. Their traumas are are worse. It affected them more than what it's affected me. I can persevere, I can keep going, I can I can swallow this. So I think there's there's all of this that contributes to the stigma. I

couldn't even agree more. And and it's that, like you said, talking about men in the machismo, it's and it's like it's okay for a man to cry, it's okay for a man to ask for help, to ask for directions. And it's just like, dude, if we could just remove all of those things, all of those things that yes, that we learned, you know that they're passed on generation to generation, it's just like we would have less anxiety, less depression, less so many things. You know. Um, and

I'm the this way. I'm so happy that I'm having this conversation with you because there are going to be people that are listening to us and that hopefully will look for a therapist, you know, after this conversation, because I think we all it doesn't matter the race, it doesn't matter the gender, where you come from, what level in life you were in. We all need therapy or

life coaching. That's one thing that's it's like every day I need I have a mentor that I speak to because you know, I mean, you're going through through life and it's it's like, yes, I I also like to help and motivate, motivate other people and empower them, but I also need that myself. Do you get therapy, Adriana? Do you is there someone that you speak to? My

I mean it's just out of curiosity. Absolutely, yes, I think, you know, especially as a trauma therapist and all therapists people that come into this profession should you know, I think it's ethical to start therapy. Um. So, I really restarted my journey when I was in graduate school, but I had like a somewhat negative experience because the therapist didn't understand my culture. And I mean there were moments where I you know, situations and things that I definitely

healed from. But there was one thing that really rubbed me the wrong way, and it was when she said that I should stop helping my family in all senses because that's the boundary I need to set in place. And I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to financially stop helping my family, um because I didn't think that their actions. You know, it wasn't to that level where I needed to stop financially helping my family.

And I was still like twenty two, you know, I needed my parents still, they were helping me with my son. Um So Anyways, there was just that cultural notion where it's like I understand maybe if people from other cultures could just easily do that, but I probably get in more trouble if I stopped doing that, and it would be more harmful for my mental health. But um, because um, my husband and I got married right before the pandemic. We started couples therapy during the pandemic, and that was

my first time actually in couples therapy. So I had done like inner child individual healing, and then the couple's therapy really opened me up in many different ways and from situations that I thought we're you know, processed, but in the eyes of you know, someone that I'm living with every day, my partner, it was just sliced in different ways. So I'm so glad for that experience, and it's definitely also something that I'm I'm an advocate for and my son has been in therapy as well. The

pandemic was really really hard on all of us. Now that we're talking about we're on this subject, like what do you think that for those that are listening, what do you think is important? Do you think it's important to find same sex therapist, Like what do you think I personally feel that, yes, it would be great to find someone that's like you, you know, that understands me. That's a part of my culture that understands my culture.

What do you think? Like, what's what's your opinion? My opinion is that before looking for a therapist, people need to do some self reflection about this question a little bit more and really ask what am I going to therapy for? Because just like how there's doctors that specialized in hearts and brains and feet, you know, therapists also specialized in different types of life situations. So if you're seeking therapy, for example, for your child, you want to

find a child therapist. Um, not a general therapist necessarily, but one that focuses on and and has advanced trainings in different things that could help children process what they're going through. Also, um, so you you kind of want to create that filter, like I'm looking for a child therapist that specializes in divorce or that specializes in trauma, because trauma is a whole other type of advanced training too.

So asking yourself as well, like what I feel comfortable with one that is non binary, that someone that is male female, All of that is is definitely valid and important for you because you're ultimately going to be the one divulging and opening up to someone that you know it may be your first time. It may not be,

but it's still very difficult each time. Although you know yourself and I experience positive things from therapy, it took us a long time at the beginning of stages were not like going to a spa, right Like processing is hard, it's it's painful as well. So it's a whole journey.

It's a roller coaster of a journey. And I think everybody deserves to really think about the choice that they get to make one selecting a therapist, you know, I think everybody should also use that consultation time that is free to ask the therapist what they specialize in. I

don't know for sure. And one thing that I want to tell you guys from personal experience, it might take a little while for you to find that perfect person that you feel comfortable with, because it took me a while to find someone and it was kind of like I tried it, you know what I mean, Like I one thing I want to tell you guys is go one session and see how you feel until you find that perfect fit for you. So you might get it the first time or you know, like or you might not.

It took me. I'm telling you, I've gone through one, two three. I'm on my fourth therapist and on my second life coach, so like and again it's somewherehere. I'm like, now, I'm like, okay, I can talk to them like they're my friends. Like you know what I mean. It takes a little while, so be patient with yourself. Um, while finding one, do your research, and like Adriana said, it's really important to know what type of therapy counseling that

you're looking for. I went to trauma therapy for a long time and it did help me so much, especially to understand that what happened to me was not my fault, you know, the sexual abuse. Um, because I did think as it did I do something wrong. There's so many questions and that's a whole other episode. But guys, just be patient. Another thing a lot of I've heard many people, like a lot of my friends, I'm like, hey, go to therapy. I'm always suggesting that, but they think, oh,

it's too expensive. It definitely could be, I mean, the profession is expensive. So I love her answer. Yes, yeah, Um, however, a lot of us reserve reduced rates. So maybe what you see on the website looks scary and frightening you know, maybe maybe it might be out of your budget. For a lot of people, it's not. Also, which is you know, um, that's like probably my money wounds when I say that, where it's like a lot of people can afford that, and I get shocked sometimes, But um, I think that's

great because you know, people do see it as an investment. Now, if you're looking and you're seeing on the directories, like, wow,

these rates are high, genuinely cannot afford that. During the consultation, talk to the therapist, tell them your financial situation and what you can afford, and ask about their sliding scale eligibility, you know, who qualifies, if they have any other reduced rates available, and and go from there, because you know, I think that that's that's something that that should be normalized. We should be talking about that. Um. Not every therapist

also accepts insurance. If you do wanna go through your insurance, it is best to contact the insurance directly and then have the representative filter. So tell them that you're looking for a Latin X or Hispanic therapist and they should be able to filter that for you, and then from there you're going to do your research. They could probably filter like you know that if they specialize in anxiety and depression and very general broad things. So those are

some recommendations for the high rates and using insurance. Yeah, and it's it's something I was gonna tell everyone that I was. This is demosteno, you know, and it's it's really an investment for your mental emotional health. You guys that. Yes, it's probably gonna be I don't know, you know, a hundred and fifty dollars an hour. But that doesn't mean you have to go, you know. It all just depends on your situation. Yes, it would be great if you can go once a week or once a month, just

try it. I do think that I, like I said, you can stop doing certain things in your life in order to prioritize your mental and emotional health. For a long time, I stopped doing my nails. I was one that would go every two weeks to get my manicure and pedicure, and I stopped doing that for a little bit so that I can pay for my therapy sessions

because my insurance wouldn't cover it. But that was something that was so important to me that I said, you know what, Yes, I like to get my nails I'm not going to give my pedicures for three months so that i can have extra money for my sessions. So I'm just putting that out there guys. Okay, UM, I think that on your website, which is UM what's your website again, Latin x Therapy dot com perfect and what can they find there? Our listeners, what can they find?

Lots of resources, so when could go on there? Uh. One of the main things that you you're going to see as find a therapist or find a speaker, and so UM you want to use to find a therapist if you're looking for a therapist for yourself, and then filter through so put your state because you can. Although you know we're in living in the pandemic and everything's virtual, we are we have therapists are only allowed to see people that live in the state that we are licensed

in or the states UM. So for myself, I'm only licensed in California, so I could only see people that live in California unfortunately. UM. So that's really important to consider. And then what you can also find is our shop where we have de stigmatizing gear. We have resources such as UM Mental Health UM YouTube YouTube channels. We have other podcasters you know their channels. We also UM have self help books in English and in Spanish for children

and for adults. And you can also find the frequently asked questions that we recommend UM for therapists and other questions that you might be asking yourself about starting the therapy process. You guys, I love this, Adriana. That's awesome. Honestly, this is a way of a perfect way for to start, you guys, A perfect way for you to start. If you still haven't, you just do not sure, go to Latino x therapy dot com is so that you guys can start just getting information and getting your feet wet

in this area. UM wow, honestly, I love that. I think that's amazing. And you're so young, you guys. I'm looking at her right now and she's so young, and it just makes me so proud of that. I'm like, she's a mom, she went to school, therapist, she has her own website, she has her own podcast, very very baby. I love it, like you know, on the website everybody. We also have support groups. I forgot to mention that

that's one of our biggest things. We have national support groups UM for folks to join we'll be launching more. I took a break during last UM winter, but they'll they'll be coming out as well this year. For children that grew up parentified, you know, so if you were given roles from a very young age that we're not you know that shouldn't have been given to you at that age. You know, they were a little bit made for adults. UM we have we have support groups for

just about anything that relates to our culture. For those that are listening, when do you feel that we should seek therapy? Like when when is that moment you're like, Okay, you know what, maybe this is the next thing I have to do. So I think if you're asking yourself that question already, I think that's a big green flag, an indication that says there's something you probably want to

talk about. If you have experienced any hardship and haven't talked about it, if you don't have a UM definitely, if you don't have a support circle so people that you can just talk to. I think it's really important to UM have somebody uh and therapy can be that and by the way, everybody, it doesn't always just have to be individual therapy. If that's too intimidating. You can also do support groups therapeutic support groups that exists as well.

But other other indications could be, you know, if you're experiencing nightmares, or if you experience body aches that medical professionals can't find answers to. Sometimes that can be due to psychological stress. Um, if you're experiencing rumination so thoughts that just cycle, difficulty with decision making, or you know, comparing yourself to other people so much the way that you speak to yourself is very negative or like creticona right,

these can be indications that maybe there's there's things to process. Um. You can help yourself by understanding why you're unkind to yourself or why you know you can't speak in any other way. Maybe someone else's narrative of you is making you define yourself. You're living by the standards of someone else's narrative of you. Things that you went through in childhood that maybe you thought, like, you know, no, I don't need to talk about it. I got spanked and

I'm fine. Let's just give yourself that opportunity to talk about it. Because our inner child, you know, our experiences as children really do affect us. Even if we're not talking about them. They're manifested in different ways as adults. Yeah, and then sometimes they surface, they resurface like later on in life, Like there's certain things that I'm like, oh, I'm already over that. And then I found like in my thirties it started coming out. I was like, oh

my gosh, maybe I'm not. Maybe I do have daddy issues little things like that and mommy issues. And then I was like all these new things. As you evolve, things start surfacing, and this is why, you know. And sometimes like you can be with a therapist for five years and then you find yourself like saying, you know what, maybe I need to switch it up a little bit.

Maybe now I'm starting to figure out I have these other questions and I need answers for and you you change your therapist or you tell your therapist this is what I'm thinking, is what I'm feeling. It's just it's a process, you guys, It's a journey, and I think

that we have to be patient. When I first talked to the first therapists, I just felt like they were just sitting there like just listening to me, and Okay, and literally the first one I'll never forget after the one when I was twelve, I was I think I got therapy when I was like nineteen, and he was just looking at his watch like okay, all right, oh well it's time to go, and I'm like, oh well, um, and then I was like, oh yeah, okay, we'll see

you next session. And I'm like, you didn't tell me anything. That's when I was like, I'm never going back to this guy. And since then, I feel more comfortable with females. I'm like, wait a second, they're going to understand a little bit more, even if it's like five minutes over the clock, you know what I mean. Because that's that's why I was like, oh no, this isn't good for me. Me to change this guy. No, No. And that's that's

the thing. Like there's also different therapy approaches, and so you have to really be reflective, like do you want someone that's more direct with you or more indirect? You got to think about what kind of therapists you're going to respond to as well, because that affects, you know, your time as well. Yeah. Absolutely, Living in the society that we live in now with Instagram and all these things that are happening around us and how there's there

are a lot of facades should I say okay? And when we're going and we're scrolling so much through Instagram, through social media, it causes a lot of anxiety because you're like, I wish I had that, I wish my life was like I wish I looked like that. So going back to what you were saying, as far as far as like when to find a therapist, it's like, of course, when you're asking yourself that, like I have

no one to talk to her. I'm too shy to tell my friends this because there are certain things that we want to go out there and be like we're strong, I got this, I don't cry and all this stuff.

But it's like, wait, you have to find someone in your life to be vulnerable with, to remove to ask all these questions, to say, hey, I have this secret, I have this thing that I've been caring because once you speak to someone that has a non biased opinion, I think that just releases you and relieves you and liberates you to just be able to say, Okay, I'm gonna walk forward and keep going with my life. But if you guys or having all these different questions or

things that causes anxiety because I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes things on Instagram cause me anxiety where I'm like, you know what, I got to minimize my screen time and say I'm going only for this week. I'm just gonna post and get out. I'm not gonna be scrolling because it causes you these things. So if you're feeling that type of stuff, you guys, that's when you know, hey, I need to talk to someone that's not a family member, that's not my best friend, that's not my husband, and

that's okay, you guys. It does not make you weak. It's there's a beautiful thing and being vulnerable. There's a lot of strength in that, and a lot of people don't don't applaud that. I will be the first one cheering for you. If you're like, you know what I listen to today and I think I need to go to latin X Therapy dot com and figure out what the heck is going on my life, because I tell

I'm telling you is going to change everything. You're gonna feel like you can think different, like you have more mental energy, more physical energy. Also when you are keeping things inside and I'm telling you guys, like when you said, like you start feeling body eggs. For a long time, my lower back would hurt so much, my knees would hurt, and I started looking it up on the internet, like, okay, you know what emotions are related to this physical pain?

And it's like, oh, you're you're staying quiet about things, you feel insecure, things like that, and it's crazy. Once you just let it out, you feel better. It's like magic, right, I'm not or do I'm not crazy? That's yeah, no, absolutely, yeah.

I think we hold so much in our body that and we use our body like a vessel to go through life, and we just put it into and through so many different scenarios and situations that we most of the time ignore the aches until the ages say no, mass, I can't, you know, please pay attention to me, And so we really have to. I think it in the habit also of learning how to tune into our bodies daily so that we're able to help ourselves and we

do have more energy, more potential. We stop holding ourselves back from a lot of things when we tend to ourselves, because you're right, there is strength and vulnerability. Yeah, absolutely, And just taking that time in the morning to just really have I don't know, even fifteen thirty minutes to yourself reading a book or doing whatever your therapy, whatever it may be, it's going. It's a game changer, you guys.

It's a game changer. And really prioritizing yourself before you can give yourself to your children, to your husband, to your friends, to your job. It's something that I highly recommend. And I wanted to ask you other day. I like, you've been doing therapy for how long? Now? How many years? You said, as in practicing or in it myself? Yes, as in practicing UM as a trainee, I would say since two tho fourteen. Okay, And do you find that your clients are younger? Do you feel like this generation

is looking more for therapy or what? What is your experience? I currently only work with adults, biddle, UM. You know, I do have other clinicians on my team that do

work with children. UM. Thinking about social media and the community in general, we are noticing that the younger generation is carrying all of us like they are trying to do UM, all the advocating and it's amazing because you know, they're making statements like my therapist said in public right which for older generation you that would be so difficult because there was such a higher stigma than with somebody

being in therapy. So I do find that the younger generation is normalizing it and they're doing such a great job. And I think that's also making other people like you know, in our generation and older generations more comfortable to talk about out their stories. Um, everybody's stories includes pieces of mental health, but it's all about the connections, you know, that we make towards that. So I'm noticing that that's

good and that makes me so happy. It's just like I said, there's so much pressure right now in just in our society, and like I said, like what you gotta look look like and what kind of life you have to have. And I've noticed, like even in in my in my relationship now, that he goes to therapy weekly and when he doesn't go, I can tell the difference, not that he's crazy or whatever, like I'm saying, like that he gets violent or anything like that is what I mean, but I can tell that he's just Our

problem solving is so much better. And this is the first guy that I date that actually makes it a priority to go to therapy and he's younger than I am. So just I'm like, dude, this is awesome. Like more many to do this because it really does help us because I've gone, like I said, to therapy for a long time, but now to be dating someone that's doing therapy, that does it weekly on a weekly basis, like our conversation satitions. Even when we have a discussion our arguments,

we resolve them so much faster. It's a game changer in your relationships. So men, if you're listening, for those of you that are listening or women, you know what it's it's not like I said, it's not a bad thing. It's not you know. If anything, it's going to help every area of your life. Yes, I think it's super sexy that a guy could be like, hey, oh my god, I just I want to talk to someone that's not you, you you know. And at first I was like, what do you What do you talk to her about? Like

things that and here's me okay being like this crazy girl. Um, I was like, what do you talk to her about? Um that you can't talk to me about. It's like it's just things. And I'm like, you know what, You're right, you shouldn't have to talk to me about everything, you know what I mean, like, yeah, we're good friends and everything, and we get along very well. But I get and then you come back refreshed because I can tell the difference when he does his therapy when I do my therapy.

So and it was that's just like my little personal you know, thing that I wanted to share their guys. But but Adriana, honestly, I I thank you so much, thank you. I really enjoyed this conversation. I think it is. Um, it's beautiful what you're doing. Keep doing it. I will definitely share you on my Instagram as well so that people can go to your website to tell everyone where they can find you your social You already gave us a website, but do it again, please, um let them

know when. Uh. Well, you can find the podcast, which is bilingual, on all major podcatchers, and you can you know, visit us on Latin x therapy dot com to find

the support groups, to find the therapist directory. Our channels are on Instagram and TikTok, Twitter, Facebook, Latin X Therapy And then we just launched a new small nonprofit called the Alejandra Foundation, where we're gonna be fundraising forum to give money to folks to be able to afford specialized you know, mental health treatment, treatment that our community deserves. So that's through Alejandra Foundation dot org. Oh my goodness, girl, I'm so honestly, so happy, so proud of you. This

is great. Like um, I always that we are empowering and inspiring each other, and this is what Adrianna is doing. So and everyone else everyone. I always like to end my episodes with a quote, and I thought, since we're talking about therapy, I wanted to go ahead and read this one. It's okay. It's okay to make mistakes, to have bad days, to be less than perfect, to do what's best for you, to be yourself. It's okay to ask for help. This is a production of I Heart

Radio and Michael podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael da Podcasts and follow me cheek ease that's c h i q u I s. For more podcasts from My Heart, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. That many a t