Hi, guys. I was sitting here recording episodes of Dear Cheekys and Cheeky's and Chill and I just had to take a time out and purge my thoughts and feelings here on sincerely Jane, because I've been so emotional lately, you guys. I had the plan of coming in and talking about something completely different, and I woke up great, I was good. And then I don't know what happened. And I don't know if you guys have been experiencing this, but a lot of people around me have been feeling
the same way. I don't know what is happening, guys. I know there's a lot going on in the world for me personally, watching all of these videos you know that are coming up on my feed, I had to just stay off, you know, and ugh, but the immigration thing and ice and all this stuff has been very heavy on me and just so much that's happening. And I just said, you know what, I'm not going to talk about these other topics. I'll get to those later. I just want to talk to my people from the heart.
And I don't even know exactly what I'm gonna say right now. I really don't. I just know that it's been very, very hard lately. I have good days and then all of a sudden, I don't, and I have been going through some things, and I've been telling Emilio, I'm so tired. My soul is tired. And I think more than anything, what I want to show you guys with this episode is that I am just like you guys.
I'm human. I as much as I want to be positive and I do my best to be a positive light and a light in the world, I go through things myself. I have bad days and sometimes it's a struggle for me. And that's why this podcast has been such a blessing, because not only am I helping you guys, but it's also a reminder to myself. And it's been really tough, and I'm trying to figure out exactly what it is. And I hope I'm not a downer. I don't want to be a Debbie downer in your day,
because I hope you're having an amazing day. I hope you are listening to music and dancing and working and cleaning or whatever it is that you're doing, and it's sunny outside and you're just happy. I just don't know if maybe on the other end there is someone that has been going through it like I have, and I feel like the only way to continue is to be completely honest and vulnerable, and that's what I just want to do right now. I don't even know if this
episode will come out. I just wanted to talk to you guys and just this algatam you know, and you know I always say my podcast is like a form of therapy for me. And I'm starting with a new life coach soon. I'm really excited about that. Actually, she's been on the podcast. Her name is Maury. And anyway, what was I saying? Okay, so I don't know. I think you know what it is that I had this plan.
I had a plan right of what I wanted this year to look like, and I felt like, I'm going to do everything that I need to do to make sure that I accomplish this one particular thing, which is making a baby. And it hasn't been as easy as I had a thought. And I planned my whole year
around this. And I have not lost faith. I know God is a good God, and I know if it's meant for me, it's going to happen, especially if it happened last year, and the one year anniversary was on June first of the miscarriage, and I think I had been putting it to the side and not wanting to think about it. But then I found the folder. And then the folder was the ultrasound of when Emilia and I went to the doctors and to come, you know,
to get the confirmation that we were pregnant. And so I asked Emilia I was cleaning things out, like should I what do I do with it? Should we keep it? He's like, yeah, of course, And I'm like, okay, yeah, you're right, like we'll keep it. I think I had just been trying to not bury it. No, not that I don't know what, it's just kind of like at a sight out of mind. So anyway, I think it's been that it's been a series of things. You know.
I really thought this year was going to be just just different, Like we all start the year and we're like, yeah, it's gonna be better, and as we should, you know, we're not gonna be like, oh, yeah, this year's gonna suck, you know. But I just had a different plan and I've been doing everything and like I stopped my tour and I'm changing my music, and I think it's just so much change at once that it was just a reminder to me of like, Okay, you can have your plans, Janey.
You can plan all you want, but at the end of the day, God has a plan for you, and you need to trust that plan and just lean on him and take some of the weight off of yourself. And I just did that like a few days ago, where I'm like us always trying to control things, and that's been my nature because I'm an older sister, because I had so much responsibility since I was young that I'm like, Okay, let me try to control the narrative. And it's like God saying, uh, it's not on your time,
it's on my time. And it shook me, you know, because I like the changes right that that I'm making in every way. But changes is hard, change is difficult, and I find myself kind of missing my old life, my old self. But I'm happy where I'm at. I don't know if that makes sense, but I was looking at pictures of my tour and I'm like, shit, I miss going on tour. I miss getting all dressed up and dulled up and singing and all these things and I miss it. It's weird. It's like I miss her,
but I like who I am. But it's hard because we're not exactly where I want to be yet. So I'm in that middle stage, and that's where it gets freaking difficult, especially right now because I'm fasting. My birthday's around the corner, and I know that when you're fasting a lot of temptation, I know a lot of things come your way in order to knock you off of what you're doing the focus, and I'm experiencing that. And one thing I wasn't expecting this year was I knew
a shift was coming. We talked about the shift last year here on the But what I wasn't expecting was that I was going to be in this weird place with my siblings. We're good, we're not mad, we're not fighting. It's just different now, and I think I'm mourning what we had, what we were, what I wanted us to be. Again. God is showing me stop trying to control the narrative, Stop trying to always be the glue. Let me be the glue. Let me show you, you know. And it's hard.
It's so hard, and so many other things guys going on. I got an email yesterday about my uncle, Oh my gosh, about the whole Abbajrena song. And I don't know if we've talked about it on the podcast, but that's a whole other thing. And I'm just like, I don't have the energy to fight. I don't want to fight. I don't want to have issues. I don't want to be in legal battles. I just want peace and I don't
even know what that's gonna look like. And I I'm just I'm going through it, guys, and we're just gonna trust that God has the blueprint to our to our life, and we're gonna trust that instead of trying to control and maneuver, and sometimes we just need to sit. And that's what I'm doing right now. And it's difficult for me. I think it's sit and let things happen and let things fall into place, not trying to be the one moving everything and putting in place. Just sit be I'm
a very structured person. I'm very disciplined, pretty consistent, and I have a little bit of OCD and I know we probably all say that, but I like, I want to like everything to be in its place, and I think what I need to do right now is just let things just be messy a little bit and ravel and let it be so that the dust can settle
and everything just sits and just trust that. And I think I just needed to just talk on the microphone to just process my feelings and process what I'm feeling and process what I'm thinking my thoughts actually, and you guys are helping me without knowing you're helping me because I'm just talking to you and you're listening, and I thank you. And it's that because I don't know, maybe someone's going through it like I am, and I just
wanted to remind us that that's part of life. And we talk about seasons a lot on the podcast, and this is a season. Some seasons are brighter and greater and you're like, hell yeah, I'm on my I'm on the top of it, like I'm on freaking on my a game right now, like everything's great, and then there are times like these for me where things seem a little unclear. If you would have I mean, two months ago, I was like, Okay, I know what I'm doing. Heck yeah,
like boom boom boom, I'm making the changes. I'm doing what I gotta do, and now I feel like I'm in the middle stage of like, oh shit, now what Okay, it's not happening. Things aren't going the way I thought. What is the rest of the year gonna look like? Like this is the halfway point? And I think that's why probably I'm feeling this. I always have a plan, guys, always I have a vision board. I don't have a
vision board this year. I don't know if I've told you guys that this is the first time in like fifteen years that I don't have a vision board, that I have not made a vision board for this year. And I think it's on purpose. Now that everything is
kind of like making a little bit of sense. Now, I'm like, Okay, I don't have a vision board because God wants me to just trust for once, just trust because I am the person that has everything, Like I have a plan, or the album comes out this day, I'm gonna start my tour, I'm gonna do this that blah blah blah blah. Like right now, it's kind of like up in the air, and I'm saying no to a lot of things, even if I want to say yes. I'm like, no, I need to sit my ass down.
I need to just remember what I felt last year and embrace this time of silence and sometimes silence, no not sometimes always silent, lets us really hear our inner voice and the things that we really need to focus on. And that's not always nice, it's not always pretty, and that's what I'm going through right now. I just wanted to talk about it and tell you guys. So maybe maybe in a couple months things will be better, but
right now I am in the middle stage. And if you are also in the middle stage, don't give up, don't go backwards. Don't say okay, I'm gonna go back. I'm just gonna go back to whatever makes me feel good, whatever's comfortable, because I'm happier there. Just stick it out, stick it out, hold the line, and just keep pressing forward. Just keep on swimming. Like Dori said, just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. We're gonna keep swimming. We're gonna go
even if it's against the current. We're gonna keep going. We're gonna press forward because everything is gonna be okay, and we're gonna look back at these moments and say, ah, this is why I was going through that very foggy time in my life because of this beautiful, bright, flowery, blissful time that I'm living. It's just life. It's the ying and the yang. It is what it is, guys. It's part of it, and we have to stick through it.
It can't always be pretty. It can always be peaches and roses and air preaches and cream and butterflies and bees and the whole beautiful part of it. There also has to be that other side to learn, to grow, to mature, to change, to become, to rebirth all these things. There are cycles, and I think we are going through a huge cycle. I think the world because the people that I talk to. I just got my hair done right now, and she's like, I am so sad, And
I said, oh my gosh. She's like, I've been so sad. I don't even know why. I might girl me too, And we just hugged and I hugged her and I said, you're not alone. I understand. There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with us. There's a lot going on in the world, guys, a lot of things that are out of our control. That this is where faith comes in, and this is where we have to hold on. And
this is why I know God exists. God exists because I've been through this before, years ago, and I came out of it and it was beautiful and I stuck it through and I got a reward at the end. Like they always say, after the rain comes a rainbow, and if you follow that rainbow and you stay diligent, there's a prize. There is a pot of gold. So we're gonna look at it that way, okay, and hopefully at the other end of that rainbow there's a cute
little rainbow baby for me. And it's gonna be God's plan and we're just gonna let it be, and we're gonna just pray our way through everything because I think it's something that's going on in the world as a whole, because there's a lot of stuff going on, and I'm not gonna get into politics, but the leader of our country, I think, has just brought a lot of just confusion and stuff, and I don't know, there's a lot people
are arguing that's just too much. And sometimes we just got to shut that shit out and just focus inward and just say, Okay, what can I do to stay in peace? And make a heavenly make paradise in my mind and in my heart and in my house and in my space what I do have control of, because if we focus too much on the things that we don't have control of, that's when we lose control in every other area, especially in our hearts. Peace can't live like that. Yesterday I just sat in the sun and
it felt so good. Guys. I was like, I just need to soak up and slow the f down and really just sit here and enjoy, enjoy the sun, and enjoy the things that are for free and that God has given us that we just overlook because we're so busy. And that was what I last year. I overlooked so many beautiful things. And now is the time to just sit and enjoy and analyze and reflect and appreciate a
thank you. Hopefully again, I'm not a Debbie downer. I'm just processing my feelings and my thoughts here with you, guys, and I thank you for listening, and hopefully in some way I'm able to help you out. And if this is not the episode for you, don't worry. Maybe you know someone that is going through it and you can share it. Share this episode now I feel better now. I talked about it with you guys, and now I'm
going to have a better day. So I hope you have a better day, and I hope that this week is amazing and everything's going to be okay. This too shall pass. Sincerely, Jinney