IVF: My Journey

came to. This life s force to reproduce. And I feel like no one should feel pressured or feel like you need to have kids by this time or by this age. Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Cheese and Chill. I'm so happy to have you here with me. Today's episode is going to address a question I get asked a lot. I'm constantly being asked if I wanted to have kids. I've even done an episode with my fertility doctor on freezing my eggs. Go check

that episode out. Now. I haven't frozen my eggs, but I did recently try in vitro fertilization or IVF. You guys know I'm always open and honest with you guys. So today I'm going to share my experience, and we'll also talk about what's next for me. So let's get into this episode. This is cheek ease and chill. Alright, let me take a deep breath for this one, you guys. Okay, So I think we should probably start from the top. But before we get into it, I want to say

this episode should not be taken as medical advice. Please do your own research and consult with the doctor to see if this treatment is right for you. Okay, alright, So why I VF? Well why not? I think that IVF is a beautiful thing. That is my personal opinion. I think that it's a great thing if it's right

for you. I'm not opposed to it. I tried it, and I think it's a blessing that we have this opportunity and this way of being able to freeze your eggs and taking that pressure off your time clock, your inner womanly time clock is what we call it, you know, because I feel very young. I feel very young. I feel that I look very young, but my body, my insides, my organs, my ovaries, my fertility clock is telling me

something different, you know. So I think that having IVF is a great option, and I think that you need to be mentally ready for that and emotionally ready for that. You do need to go to a doctor, a professional doctor that you know specializes in this. And Dr Gadir, who you guys have met here on Cheeks and Chill. He's a great doctor. He's amazing, he's very successful at

what he does. UM, so you do definitely need to go and see a doctor, and they're going to do blood work and check your levels and check to see I don't know all the terms, you guys, which is why I'm like, Okay, I can't give you my iCal advice, but I know that they draw blood and they check to see basically how many eggs you have. You know what I mean, because we all have a certain amount, we're born with a certain amount, and with every period

will we lose one. And I have endometriosis and I've also had assists in my ovaries, so that also has affected my egg production. I would recommend if you want to have children, if you've had difficulty getting pregnant, go see a fertility doctor. There are so many, especially in l A and everywhere in reality, but it is a process and sometimes it's fairly quick. You have to be on your period when they do these tests, by the way, and yeah, so I tried it and I didn't go

through with it. I didn't finish. And that's one thing that I'm gonna which is why I feel like I need to be honest with you guys, because I shared that episode with Dr Ader, my fertility doctor, and I said, Okay, I was going to give myself a certain amount of time to do it, and that I was going to do it, and I I, did, you know, come through with that part of you know, the bargain. I said, Okay, I started it, and then it just did not feel right in my heart. But we'll get we'll get back

to that right now. But when I started IVF, I spoke to so many people. This has been a crazy process for me. It's been i want to say, three or four years from the very first time I had met Dr Gader and I went in there and if it wasn't one thing, it was another. It was as cists. And they couldn't start my medication because if not, it was going to make the cists grow. So I had to get that removed and then it grew back, and then I had to get it surgically removed again. It

was just crazy. And then I got separated and got divorced, and I was like, Okay, I don't want to have kids. I kind of put it on the back burner for a little bit, and then I restarted again, not necessarily because I want to have children, but because like right now I'm saying I don't want to have children, like

right this minute, but because again I have endometriosis. And Dr Gadera was saying, every year that goes by the level of your egg production goes down crazy ZL like with when we I think it's like thirty three where you really have to like make this a priority if you don't want to have children now, but you want to have children in the future. This is why egg freezing exists, is because this is just how our body works. So anyways, I talked to my grandma about it once.

I talked to my sisters about it, even Jackie, my sister. She had said, Okay, if you if your body can't or you're working too much, I will be a surrogate. I mean, like, this has been an ongoing conversation. And I talked to my grandma about it way back when when we were on speaking terms to be honest, because my ex husband's mom didn't agree with it. For her, it was that's not the way it should be, That's not God's way, and I don't want my grandchildren to be frozen. She just saw I saw it in a

different way. And my grandma is a little bit more open minded and she is a very religious woman. So I spoke to her and she said, look, do whatever you need to do. So she supported it. So I spoke to everyone when I started a emilio I you know, I was very honest and I was like, I don't know if I want to have kids anytime soon. Um, We've had a very open conversation and he says, okay, it's fine with me. And then I brought up the whole IVF thing again because I was like, okay, Dr

Coder sent me another text message. He would send me a text message like every two months, like hello, and I've been working so much, thank goodness. So which is why I would kind of just like, okay, wait, I'm gonna take some time off because you know, you could bloat. You are very emotional. I hear you know friends that have done it, Like when you're doing IVF, you get very sensitive, you get bloated. It's just it's a lot. You're injecting yourself with, like a crazy amount of hormones.

Which is why I was like, wait, I come out on TV. I'm constantly on stage, like I just want to make sure I have time for it. So anyways, Emilia was very supportive. He said, look, if you feel that that's what you want to do, I'm going to support it whatever it is that you want to do. So he's very supportive. He also felt that we could do it on our own naturally, but he was a d and ten percent like, do it whatever is going to make you happy and make you feel safe and

sure about your future, because I'm not gonna lie. He is younger, as you guys know. He's seven years younger. My boyfriend, Emilia is seven years younger than me. So I do worry that what if one day I'm just like not able to at all, and I want to have that option. So another question, before I moved forward, a lot of people ask me if it's expensive, and it could be expensive, it could be, and and it is, it's anywhere from I believe it's fifteen dollars around of

IVF so it is pricey. Just the medication alone was six thousand dollars. So when I went to see the doctor and they checked on my levels for like the sixth time in these four years, thank goodness, instead of my levels going down, you guys, they actually went up, which is crazy. Dr Deer was very very surprised as well. You seem to be a little better. I think it's because I've lost weight. I'm like eating differently as well. I don't know, but anyways, I bought all the medication.

I spoke to nurses and I saw videos on YouTube how to inject myself because you have to inject yourself. So that was the medication with six thousand dollars. So that's one part, and then the doctor's fee and then the surgical part of it when they you know, retrieve the eggs and then freezing them and then storing them.

So it could be costly, but then again, it's like having a child is priceless too, So yeah, I kind of did want to cover that because a lot of people have asked me if if it's if it's costly, So I guess it's just all and how you see it, and it is a good investment, especially if you want to have children and you want to take that pressure off. That's why a lot of my friends have done it. They feel like, I don't necessarily want to have kids

right now. They're very goal oriented and they have their careers and stuff, and and they're just like, I don't want to have kids now, but I want to have the option of if I can't get pregnant in a few years, I have my eggs, you know. So, And that's how I felt. I started the process in October. I had taken the time off, I had set the time aside um. The last three weeks of October, I said, Okay, I'm going to take off. I'm going to do this.

I had spoken to Jessica, my makeup artist, who has done like about four I believe IVF treatments, and she's an expert. She has done a lot of research, and I spoke to her and she helped me so much. She actually was the one that helped me with my medication, because you kind of have to like put it together, you have to measure it, you have to inject yourself. In the beginning, it's one injection like the first three days, and then after that it becomes like three or four

something like that. Anyways, I only made it through one day, so I was I felt ready. Mentally, I had mentally prepared myself to say, Okay, I'm going to do it in October, this is it. I took the time off, I purchased the medication, I went to the doctor's a point mints. I spoke to Jessica, everything is ready to go. I'm ready for this. Mentally, I was like, Okay, let's do this. I realized that emotionally I was not ready.

You guys, I was angry. And I feel that when you're going to do this process, you need to be mentally physically, because you got to go to the doctors and make sure you're good, emotionally ready and also spiritually ready. And I feel like spiritually and emotionally I was not there. I remember giving myself the first injection and I was just pissed. I had gotten my period early, first of all, so I still wasn't completely off. I had a show,

so I had timed everything according to my period. I usually get in the middle of the month, but I got it early in the month in October, so I had to start early. Because you have to start, like when your period starts. So it was just I was kind of frustrated because I'm like, okay, I have First of all, I have a party, had Jenica's birthday party. So when you're doing this, you can't rink alcohol, you know what I mean. So there's certain things you can do.

So I was just like, what the heck, I have Jessica's party, this is her birthday, Like I want to enjoy. I couldn't really drink, and then I had a show, so it just kind of messed up the whole schedule. So that kind of threw me off. It kind of pissed me off, to be honest. So I was injecting myself and I remember praying and I was meditating the day before I started, and I just didn't have peace,

you guys, I didn't have peace in my heart. I just did not What kept coming was change your eating habits. I started micro dosing. I kind of mentioned this in another episode and I want to have an episode on that. We'll talk about that later. But I felt like I

needed to heal my body naturally. It's crazy because for an event that I had the week before I started, the IVF Jessica was doing my makeup, and she hired this other girl to do our hair because I think it was a Carold G concert that I was going to the Carold G concert and Tony, my regular hair stylist, wasn't available for whatever reason, so she brought a friend of hers. It was the first time I had met her, and of course me, I'm always asking questions. And I said, oh,

how many kids do you have? And she said, oh, I have a son and he's nine years old something like that. And then I said, you want to have any more kids? And she says, well, actually, I'm pregnant. Jessica do didn't even know she was pregnant, and I said, oh my god, you're pregnant. She was like yes, She's like, I haven't told anyone. She said she was thirty eight years old, and she said it was just a surprise. She says, I just never thought that I could get

pregnant again. And my husband and I were having a protected sex and I would just wouldn' get pregnant. So I thought, okay, well I'm not gonna get pregnant. She's like, all of a sudden, I got pregnant. She's like and I'm happy, but I'm also like, what the heck, I'm thirty eight years old, my son is older, I'm starting all over. So I just felt it. I was like, wow, then it could happen. And then there was a forty

two year old lady, my nail lady. I've known her for ten years, and her and her husband she just wouldning get pregnant, and all of a sudden, I see her after a few months because I go to different al salons and I hadn't seen it in a while, and she's freaking six months pregnant, and she's like, oh my god, it was a surprise. I'm having a girl on forty two. I am so tired, but I'm so happy, Like we weren't expecting it. So I'm just like, dude, my body can do it. Is this how I felt.

I'm like, if I really want to have a child, and God really wants that for me, then He's going to make it happen. Like, no matter what is going on in my body, even if I have two eggs left in my entire body and my ovaries, I feel like God is going to make it happen if he wants to fertilize that egg it's going to happen. So that's kind of where I'm at, and that's kind of what I felt because I injected myself the first night, the day of Jennica's birthday party was the first actually

the injection was October eight. I injected myself. It wasn't painful, it was fine. There are some oral pills that you have to take a lot of it. Our injections in your abdomen very teeny tiny, like very small needles the size of of I don't know if you guys have ever gotten botox, but if you've gotten botox, it's like they're very tiny needles. You have to squeeze your tummy and you have to like it's around your belly button area.

So you do it one time on your left side of the belly button, on the other the other time that you have to inject on the right side. It doesn't hurt at all. One of them stings, like the solution that you inject kind of stings a little bit. And the only thing I felt, because really it was like three injections that I did, I just felt very hot.

I felt like just really really hot. And you do have the choice of going into the doctor's office every day and having someone do it for you, or you can have a nurse come to your home that you would have to hire to inject you. But in reality, like I'm not very scared of needles, and it didn't hurt that bad because the needle was very very tiny, and my doctor had like YouTube videos and a nurse that you can talk to and I could just like I had so many questions because I was so nervous,

how it can I eat this? Can I drink this? And like, so they were like on call. I could just text them. Um, so they're very very helpful. But in reality, it didn't the injections didn't hurt. I mean, Jessica told me obviously because she she did it. She went through like the whole process. You do get a little sore in that area, and obviously you start getting bloated and like your abdomen because like all of your

eggs are getting super big. They're going from like being teeny tiny to like growing because that's how they want them to just inflate and get really big and strong so that when they retrieve them remove them, they're nice and plump, you know what I mean, So that they don't affect what's in sight, so that's how they explained it to me. But you do have the choice of going into the doctor's office and doing it every day.

It just wasn't convenient for me, so I was like, I'm just gonna do it myself, you know, because I'm gangster and I'm not scared. So but I mean, I get it. Some people have phobia of like needles, but that was in my case. Um, But other than that, I mean, yeah, it was. It's a lot of medication, but you don't have to take it all at once. It's like spread between morning, midday, night, and then an antibiotic that you take like in a few days after

doing your first injections. But again I didn't get that far. I just got all the lessons. I did make the mistake of researching, like how is that certain medication going to make me feel? And I know it can make you feel emotional and it can make you feel so many different things, and I hadn't felt any of that. I just felt really hot. I got like a lot of hot flashes. The next morning, I did it again, and I was supposed to do another one at night, and I just decided that I couldn't because I did

not have peace. That's how I decided a lot of things that I do in my life, Like I'm like, Okay, do I have peace? Do I feel happy about this? Do I feel just zen about it? And I did not feel zen. I said, it's not my time. Then it's just not my time, and I'm gonna try to just do and make certain life changes for the next year, and if it happens, it happens. I'm not on birth control.

So that's basically what I decided. And you know what's crazy is that I was a little scared to tell the Meilio that I had decided not to go through with it because I remember the morning after I did my first shot, the day after Jennica's birthday party, I was in my restroom because that's where I meditate. Um, I was meditating, doing my whole ritual, my morning routine, and I came out of the restroom. I was like, dang, I'm scared to tell the media because I don't know

what he's going to think. Like I usually and I love to finish what I start, so I felt in a way like I'm not finishing what I started, and I'm going back on my word is kind of how I felt. But I had a piece. It was crazy, you know, so I just I went and I he was laid in bed and I was like a medio. I decided not to do it, and he said, decided not to do what? And I said, I don't want to do I v is it okay, that's fine, that's fine. It's your body, and I support you. It was so easy,

and he's like, babe, it's fine. I'm no one to tell you to do it or not to do it. And it felt good to have a partner that was like, gave me a hug because I cried a little bit. I'm like, I just I feel like I'm gonna let my doctor down and Jessica is going to be disappointed, and I just like, you know what I mean, because Jessica was kind of like holding my hand through the whole thing. But he hugged me. He says, this is your decision, it's not even mine. And it just felt

so good, you know. I'm so blessed to be able to have a partner that doesn't pressure me and doesn't make me feel bad about maybe not going through with something or changing my mind, and but I was a little scared. I was nervous. But he took it very well. So that also gave me a lot of peace. And of course my doctor, doctor Gader, was very upset. He says, I think you're making a mistake, and I said, I understand,

I get it. I said, look, if in a year doesn't happen on its own, then I will go see you. He says, okay, but remember what happens every year. I'm like, I know, and I'm okay with my decision. You guys, I said, Okay, that happened in October. I'll give myself so this October to say, okay, I either start I v F again or I'm just okay with maybe there's

a possibility I'll never have children. But then again, I'm telling you guys, look, whether you want it or not, I was like, God, my year will be done, and that where I'm at, I'm kind of like, there may your will be done. God. Whatever is meant for me will happen, and I just need to take that stress off of my shoulders and stop feeling. And for a long time I was feeling like, oh my God, like my body is not functioning. I'm broken, quote unquote, and

it's like no, like that's not what it is. And I'm not broken, and I'm okay and this is my decision, and I'm okay with this decision right now. I have peace with this decision. I completely felt like I felt like I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I was doing it because my doctor wanted me to do it. I was doing it because Jessica, you know, she is a little older than me, and she was like cheek, He's like, I'm suffering, like I really want to have a child, like and I was kind of where you're at.

And she's like, and now I'm kind of like going through it, like you should really do it, Like she really wanted me to do it, so I didn't want to let them down. And I feel like that was the wrong reasons. I wasn't doing it because yes, this is what I want to do. This is like you know what I mean. I just was not emotionally and spiritually aligned with the process. So I'm gonna give myself time.

So that's basically what it is. You guys, And I wanted to tell you guys this and share it with you because you guys have seen like on the reality shows, like when I went to go see Dr Gooder and then on the podcast I spoke to him and I was really like, yes, let's do it. And the time came and I just didn't feel like I was ready completely. I'll be honest with you, guys. I'll be honest. I think during the time when I started IVF, I felt

again pressured. There's always in every interview, it's always when are you going to have kids? And you know, can you have kids? And in reality, like I feel like I know I can. It's not like I'm like infertile. I know that I could probably get pregnant. I just haven't really tried, you guys, I haven't really tried to get pregnant. There's ways and things that you could do to pregnant. I just haven't tried. And it's because I want to say, a percent of me is just not

ready to have kids. And it could be because I raised my siblings. It could be because I'm living like the best time of my life and I'm working in my career is going so amazing that I just want to focus on that. I want to focus on myself for a while. Because I gave so much of my life, to my siblings, to my mom, and I don't regret it.

But now I feel as it's it's my time and I want to travel to so many different places, and I have a partner that supports me, and I'm just living the life that I wanted to live for a very long time. And I know that I'm going to be an excellent mom if that's what God wants me to be and become. I know that my world is going to stop and so many things are going to change that I just don't know if I'm necessarily ready

for that. But it is exhausting to be asked all the time and to feel that pressure of the world, and especially being a Latina, it's kind of like, oh, well, you're already in your thirties and you don't have kids, Like it's kind of like frowned upon. And it's like a lot of men and women, even women you know in our culture, are feel like, well, that's what you came to this life and this earth force to reproduce

and yes and no, you know what I mean. Like, I feel like no one should feel pressured or feel like you need to have kids by this time or by this age and it's like, no, that's not fair, Like this is how there are so many children I feel like in the system because of course people are irresponsible or certain things happen in their life and they get, you know, pregnant, and then they don't want the child and that you know, it's just it's like that's a

whole other episode I feel. But I feel like you're never going to be a percent ready to have a child, but you I feel like you need to be at least to say, Okay, yeah, I'm I want to have a kid. So it is exhausting now because it's like, dude, just let me live my life. Like in my mind, I've had four kids already, you know, my siblings, like I raised them, I help raise them, and I know what it is to do all that stuff, and I

just want to take my time. And dude, Janet Jackson had her child, I think at fifty freaking j Loo had her twins at thirty nine. Mariah, I mean, I'm not comparing myself to these women, but hey, they're artists and it kind of just makes me and gives me hope and my nol my nel girl got pregnant. I don't know where at forty two, so I don't know, but it is exhausting, you guys to think about it. And now I think that's why I feel just relieved.

And I'm like, I could breathe, like this is my decision, this is my body, this is my future, this is my fucking life, and I'm gonna do what I want to do when I want to do it. And when I did that, I just felt like this huge weight off of my shoulders and I was like, ah, ship, yes, I could breathe. God has my back, and I'm like, dude, I have faith. I know what God can do. I know God is a god of miracles, and if I

meant to have a child, it's gonna happen. And once I did that, I had complete peace and I said, Okay, cool, and all the medication that I invested in it didn't go to waste, you guys. I gave it to Jessica. She's going to start I think her other round. I think she already started in January. And I gave it to her and I said, here, this is for you. And I felt good about giving her a gift because again it's expensive, and she was so happy she said, Oh my God, chicks, thank you, and you know, and

I bless someone else's life. So that made me feel better. And now I don't feel so much pressure now. I I think that this year when they asked me, okay, are you chicken? Is only gonna have kids when God says that's what I'm gonna answer to support my children. When you give me money, then maybe I'll have kids. I don't know. That was a whole lot. Huh, it's a whole lot. But I just had to take myself back to that moment. And I get asked so much about kids, and I know a lot of people want

to see one of my children, especially Johnny. Johnny really really wants me to have kids. He thinks it's going to happen this year. He's like, I don't know, but it's gonna happen. Is a year you're gonna get pregnant. It's going to be a girl. And he thinks that my mother is going to reincarnate in my child. That is what Johnny says. It might sound crazy. I don't know, but a lot of the things that this kid says comes true. He's very spiritually connected as well, So I

don't know, I don't know. I'm leaving it in God times, you guys, But if you ask me what I do IVF again, yes I would. I would definitely try it. If I am spiritually, mentally and physically ready, I will do it. Do I recommend it, Yes, I do recommend it, and I do recommend for you to speak to a fertility doctor. Go to the fertility doctor. Asked all those questions because there's a lot of stuff that I still don't know in all of medical terms that I don't

know how to even pronounce. But it is important that you see a doctor if this is what you want to do. And I think it's a beautiful thing that we have this available, and um, I feel good about my decision, I really do, all right. So that's my experience with IVF. I think it's a great option for a lot of women. I just didn't think it was right for me for my journey. And once again, guys, my story is not a substitute for medical vice, so it's important to do your own research and talk to

a medical professional. Thank you guys so much for listening to my story, Like always MUCHO, and I hope it helps some of you in some way, some way, somehow. Now let's get into some words of inspiration. It's time for my motivational quote. I feel like this quote is very fitting for today's conversation. My own approval is all I need. My own approval is all I need. And you, guys, that's what it is. Your decision, your life, your consequences, you guys. So that is a quote. Thank you so

much again for being here with me. It feels so good to be able to talk to you guys about anything and everything and just let it all out to your on Chickens and Chill and just it's it's always just a form of therapy. Thank you guys for listening, and I will see you in the next episode of Chickens and Chew sit those do you need advice on love, relationships, health emas. I'm so excited to share with you that my Cheeks and Chill podcast will have an extra episode

drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just leave me a voice message. All you have to do is go to speak pipe dot com slash Cheeks and Chill podcast and record your questions. I can't wait to hear from you. This is a production of I Heart

Radio and the Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts and follow me Cheeks That's c h i q u i s. For more podcast from My Heart, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast, and check us out on YouTube