How I Overcame Imposter Syndrome

experienced something called imposter syndrome. And that's what we're going to talk about on today's episode, because I think it's something a lot of people can relate to. According to WebMD, imposter syndrome is when you feel like you're not as talented or capable as others think you are, and you

become scared that others will find out. So we're going to talk about it, and I'm going to give you some examples, guys, because I definitely have dealt with imposter syndrome, especially in the earlier years of my career, maybe even when I started business, because being an entrepreneur was like my first love. I started a lot of businesses for my mom and with my mom, and I would always think, why I just have high school education. It's all. I have a high school diploma. I didn't go to college.

I didn't go to college to get like a business degree or whatnot. And I felt like, shit, can I do this? And I didn't want to let my mom down. I didn't want to let myself down. I had to tell myself over and over, especially with my mom when we started the perfume and everything, and I went to China and like the whole thing. It was so nerve wracking. But I knew that I would do it more, not even for obviously myself, but more to just prove to her, to make her proud. And that's also not a good thing.

I learned that later on in my life. But I really did think, I'm like, I don't know if I can do this, that people are going to be like, Okay, well what experience do you have to go and start this business and the skincare line for your mom and this makeup line. And I just knew I love the beauty industry since I was young. But thank god, I learned as I went and I would always buy those books. I'd go to Barnes and Noble and read the dummy books,

the you know, business for dummies for instance. I'm like, well, I didn't go to college. I'm learning this as I go, and my mom would always tell me figure it out. I figured out everything, how to deposit a check, how to just everything, and that's where I think it started. Now, let's talk and fast forward to my career. When I started my career in twenty fourteen, Oh my gosh, not only did the world hate me, or it felt like the world hated me half of twenty twelve and all

of twenty thirteen. After my mom passed away, I just knew I had to do something. I was like, I want to sing. I know, I've wanted to sing for a long time, something that I've wanted to do, and I don't like to live again with the like what if. So I was like, I have to do this and I need to work. But imagine the world is against you.

You're against yourself in some ways because you're upset at the world that it's like, oh my god, everything is going wrong and people are talking shit, and like I want to clear my name, and like I was like, I'm going to do everything I have to do to clear my name. So that's when we wrote the book, beredon Forgiveness. If you haven't read it, go read. It's my whole life story kind of. But anyways, then I was like, Okay, I need to work. I need to work.

I need to be example for my siblings. But I had never really sang maybe three times in my whole life in front of like a crowd. And not only that, but I knew, like in the back of my mind, I knew that I was going to be compared to my mom and that I don't know, and so many opportunities opened up for me, I think in the beginning, because of course I was I am Jenny Rivera's daughter, and you know, people wanted to see what I could do.

But there was a lot of criticism. I can look back and say, Okay, I wasn't ready, but I know I had something. I knew I knew about music, and I knew that I wanted to create it and I had it in me. I just feel like a lot of the negative comments really just suppressed me. But even before that happened, this is where imposter syndrome comes in, where you think, oh, I'm not going to be as good as that person, or damn what if they find

out like I really don't know anything. Like you start thinking all of these things and it stops you in your tracks and it paralyzes your growth. And I had all of that. You can move past it, because obviously I did. I was like, if this, I'm going to do it. I'm going to try it. I guess you could say I faked it till I made it. I don't really like that quote too much because I'm like, oh, I don't like, you know, I'm not about that fig shit. But when I really think about it, I guess I

had to. I guess I did because I was like, well, I know what I'm doing. And not only that, it doesn't help when people talk so much crap, and you know, like you read these things and then you start thinking them and you start criticizing yourself, and it really does. It suppresses you. It suppresses you, and if you so allow that to happen more and more, you won't be

able to reach your potential, your full potential. I think we can all definitely relate in one way or another, but I think it does have to do with building confidence and confidence in your craft, confidence in your artistry, whatever it may be. And in your career, knowledge is power. And I think the more I fed myself with knowledge, with performing more, with doing more in that space, I

gain more confidence. Until like two years ago, guys where I was like f this Perril Milo, I keep saying that in all of my interviews, like I lost fear. I lost fear. I really lost the fear of I don't care what people say. I know who I am. I like myself. I stop wanting for everyone to like me. I was like, Okay, it's fine. I love that people like me, and it's okay if people don't like me,

it's part of it. And I think I just started wanting to grow in my craft and take my classes and wanting to get better that I gain this confidence that I'm like, no matter what, I know that I'm meant to do this. I know that I'm meant to be here, so f the haters, I'm gonna do my thing and I'm going to get better at it. And that's where I think it's like, not even like confidence. From the outside looking in, I look like a pretty confident person, especially when I I had no other choice.

I was like, I gotta fucking do this. But then when I really started healing and feeding the internal side of my confidence and really like learning more and more about what I was doing, I felt more confident and I walked more confident into rooms, and not only with my career, like as far as singing, but also in business. You know, it's like knowing what you're talking about, like really just diving into it. It just gives you a

different type of confidence. So even if people are talking shit, it doesn't even phase you because you're like, I know what I'm talking about, I know what I'm doing, like it just it changes everything. So definitely, I do think that the imposter syndrome starts with feeling insecure. It's our insecurities. We all have them, especially because we're always so worried about what are people going to think? What are they

going to say? And I think once we start just healing that and like not really giving an f it changes everything for you. And that's from personal experience and if I can be honest the way I'm always honest with you guys, I have said no to opportunities because I felt like I wasn't good enough or I felt

like I didn't have it in me. I think the first time that I was invited to host a red carpet, like actually like not only like walk the red carpet, but I was going to host and interview other people. Like I was like, oh, like this is like I think in twenty fifteen, and I said no, and they were going to pay me for my time and they were going to give me a budget. It was like a very good opportunity. But I was like, oh my gosh, my Spanish isn't as good as I want it to be.

And I just was like, I really talked myself out of it. And I don't necessarily regret that decision because it gave me some time to really say, Okay, now I really want to do it, and I was able to host like a whole freaking show. I was able to host PJS with two other people because I was like, I gotta do this. I have to prove to myself that I can do this. But I did and I let that opportunity go. And it was like also a financial dent because I said no, And it was because

of fear. I was like, no, people are going to talk crap and this and that, and I learned that you don't have to say yes to every opportunity. It's not necessary and it's okay to say no. I think that's you know again, We've talked about it here on the podcast, like the power of that small little word no. But in that situation, I'm like, shit, Like I would have I think, advanced a little faster in my career if I would have just given myself that opportunity and

not let my insecurities stop me. You know, the way I got over it was just by doing it. I kind of like merete, which means I challenged myself. I said, you know what, next time that opportunity comes, I'm going to take it. So I put it out there, I put it in the universe. I was like, I'm going to do it, even if I'm scared. I'm going to face fear in the face and I'm going to do it.

I'm not going to back down. And all I have to do is make sure I read my lines and I practice and I put my right foot forward and know that even if I stumble a little bit, it's okay. Everyone has done it. And it's kind of like yes, giving myself a pep talk and really just allowing myself to open that door, to not only open it, but to walk through it. And I have found myself a lot since then where I'm like, Okay, if this opportunity feels right to me, then I'm going to have peace

with it. If I don't have peace with it, then it's to no. But if I have peace with it and I'm going to say no just because out of fear, then I'm doing myself a disservice. So it does take some pep talk. It does take things therapy. Therapy has helped me a lot. My life. Coaching has helped me so much. I started my life coaching in like twenty nineteen, and I don't do it as much as I used to, but when I feel like I need a little tune up,

I definitely do it. I think it's it's for sure a part of my life for the rest of my life. My life coaching, it goes hand in hand with therapy. But I do have to say I'm gonna do it with fear. It's okay, Like we're not going to be perfect right off the bat or the first time we try it, and that is okay. Like I suffer from wanting to be a perfectionist and I'm like, if I'm gonna do it, I want to do it right. Yes, but I also have to give myself grace to say, okay,

is my first time doing something. I'm gonna make some mistakes, and it's okay to ask questions. For a long time, I was like, I'm not asking questions. I'm not gonna ask questions because it's gonna make me look dumb, like I don't know what I'm talking about. Like now I don't care. It could be anywhere, and I'll ask a question like, oh, I'm so sorry, I don't understand that. Can you repeat that? Like, It's okay to ask questions and to just be vulnerable enough to say I don't

know everything. That's part of learning is asking questions and wanting to grow in whatever it is that you're working towards. Like you have to ask questions. I think when you get to the point in your life where you're like, I know it all, I'm great, I this and that, like, then you stop yourself from growing from like knowing more because you feel like, oh, yellow setolo, I know it all. No,

we don't. There's always room to grow, there's always room to improve, and being humble enough to accept that it really just opens up your horizons. So that's what I did. I was like, next time this opportunity comes around, I'm not saying no, I'm going to freaking do it because I know this is what I want to do and I'm not gonna let fear stop me. And that's what we did, you know, hey, And I feel like, honestly, I feel like this gets better. It definitely gets better

with age. I think it's knowing who you are, where you're going, what your intentions are in life, what change you want to make in life, how you want to help others, Like it just all comes together and it's part of maturing, a part of spiritually like maturing as well, that like that imposter syndrome goes away, like it just you don't care, Like you just become so like confident in who you are that even if you make a mistake in what you do, you're fine because you love

who you are. And this is one thing that my life coach told me, what I do is not who I am, you know, It's like it's not Sometimes people are like they have this like fake confidence, which probably is what I had in the beginning of my career where it's like you kind of like fluff yourself up, but in reality, when you're in your room by yourself, you're like shit, like did I do a good job? You start questioning yourself and you need people's approval and

all this stuff. And like with age, I feel like personally and I did the work, I don't care like I do it out of love. Everything that I'm doing, I do it. I have love. I do it because I want to change people's lives. And I'm not perfect, and I'm okay with making mistakes because I know that my intentions are in the right place. I know that my heart is in the right place, and that just changed everything for me, Like knowing my purpose, knowing like what I want to leave in this world has really

really just changed the game for me. But it comes with spiritual mental, physical maturity like experiences and also being honest with yourself. I think being vulnerable with yourself with others gives you a lot of power, a lot of strength, a lot of confidence. You have to be able to like remove like an onion, those layers of the fake funk, you know what I mean of fluffed up confidence. It's like really getting to the core of things that will

really help strengthen your insecurities to overcome them. And to wrap up, guys, because I know this has been a little lengthy, but hopefully some of this stuff, if not all of it, has sunken and I've planted seed in your heart and in your mind. I want to say it took me a long time to be able to say that I am proud of myself, that I'm proud of what I'm doing, that I like myself very much, that I love myself no matter what. It took a while, and it took a lot of work, but I don't

regret anything that has happened in my life. And that might sound a little crazy because a lot of really bad things have happened, but I feel like it all has brought me to this point. And I usually don't like to talk about the haters, you know, but it is very much part of our life, and it's the truth, and it's what's happening, especially with social media, and like

people just feel so confident to just talk crap. But I've had to face a lot of people, a lot of people that I know for sure have said that I wasn't going to make it that I did not have the talent, even to the young cheekies as well. I want to talk to her too. An ex boyfriend that said, you're not gonna make it without me, I was like, okay, and I'm not gonna lie. I kind of thought when he said that, I was like, shit,

what if I don't? And all I want to say is thank you, even little cheeky's, even the ex boyfriend and the people that have tat crap in the industry that now I smile and just say hi to them. It's happened so much. Guys, now they're nice to me. Now they believe in me, and I'm grateful. I'm grateful, and I'm not the type of person to say I told you so, but I just want to say thank

you because it helped me work harder. I made myself work harder when I was thinking those negative things and letting those toxic voices sink into my heart and into my soul and into my mind. I didn't let that stop me, and I kept going and here we are now, and I can honestly say that I am so proud of what we've been able to accomplish. And I wouldn't be able to do without my team. I can't say

that everything that I've acomplish it is because of me. Yes, I have my talents, I do my job, I work hard, but I do have an amazing team that has helped me and supported me, and I'm grateful. I just want to say thank you because instead of us being mad and talking shit to those people that have talked shit about us or to us, or have said negative things and sent us negative energy, instead of being upset and

fighting back, I just smile. Mostly that I know of, mostly all men that have said, oh, yeah, she's not gonna make it, she's this, she's that, And now I'm like, oh, now you play my music on the radio. Thank you. Now you not need something for me, because it's not like that now. It's like we're helping each other, you know. And it feels good to change people's mind and change people's heart towards me, because it's happened a lot, and

it's all because I didn't give up. It's all because I didn't let that imposter syndrome stop me and paralyze me from my growth and from what I was meant to accomplish. So thank you. I'm grateful. I'm happy. I get asked this question a lot, like what would you tell fifteen year old Cheeky's or little Cheeky's, And you know what, it's crazy because I can think of moments in my life, like when I was eight years old,

ten years old that little Cheeky's. I would tell her, don't be afraid to speak up because I feel like I was suppressed because of things that were happening in my life, you know, and I didn't speak up enough. I didn't talk. I was so afraid to speak. I was so afraid to say anything. And I would tell her, definitely Cheeky's from like fourteen sixteen, those around there. I'd probably tell myself. I'd tell little Cheeky's, be more honest,

be more honest. Stop trying to seek people's approval and doing things to make other people happy, to make other people proud of you. And I think that went all the way to like almost through almost all my twenties. Guys, that feeling of people pleasing, of needing that approval and not wanting to disappoint people. I wasn't being true to myself. I wasn't being honest with myself, and not because I

was spreading lies. It wasn't even that. It's more of like just speak your truth, be okay, be unapologetically yourself. And I feel like I lost so much time and energy and I cried so much because I always wanted to do this people pleasing thing and it was just a vicious cycle and it just took me down roads that I had no business going down, Like I could have avoided myself a lot of problems if I stood more in my power, and that didn't come until like

my thirties. So I forgive the little cheekies. It's part of growing. It's part of maturing and learning and stepping into your own I know it's all part of it. But when I look back and I think of all those seasons in my life and those ages, I think, I'm like, Okay, how can I prevent my child from going through that? Like I want to be able to and still that not only like how I do it

with you guys. You know, I speak to you guys like I want to be able to do this with my own child, Like I want to like raise the super child guys, because I've been through so much that I'm like, how can I help my child of course, they're going to go through their own things, and I just want to be able to help them navigate through it. But it's also doing all of this. This is part of my calling, guys, is doing these types of things and speaking to you guys and being honest with my

experiences and the mistakes that I've made. And that's why I feel that it's important to have these conversations. And I'm so grateful for my podcast and for all of my listeners that you guys take the time to like press play and listen to me, because I promise you that, in my heart of hearts, I just want to leave people places better than they were when I got there. I want to be able to plant seeds in your guys's hearts and in your mind so that you guys

can flourish into your best selves. And if I can prevent you guys from making those mistakes, that's what I'm going to do. And I don't know where I just went, but I was just speaking for my heart right now. I was like looking outside my window and like looking at the trees, and I just felt so inspired to say this because I was thinking of like the little cheekis and everything So anyways, that's the episode. All these things that I talked about. But that's what I love

about my podcast. And if it wasn't for you guys listening every week and coming back and sharing the podcast, I wouldn't have a podcast. So I know that this wouldn't be possible without you, guys. So just know the way I inspire you, guys, you inspire me to keep on going. So I appreciate it. I'm grateful, and yeah, let's go out there and you know, spread the love, radiate love, and radiate knowledge, because that's what it's all about, guys.

That's the only way we're gonna be able to get through this life is by having these conversations, these sometimes uncomfortable things that we think, Oh my god, I would never want to share this, I never want people to know this. Yeah, but like when you bring things to light, guys, like it helps you grow, You get feedback, like it's just it's beautiful. And again that comes with age. That

comes with time. So be patient with yourself, trust the process, be patient, be compassionate, love yourself through those hard times. With that being said, that is the you know, that's how we're gonna conclude this amazing episode. I hope that you guys enjoyed it. I am so. I can't thank you guys enough for being here, and I will have another amazing episode for you next week. Okay, so come back next week. I will be waiting. I love you, and yeah, have a great week, have a great day. Okay, Gus,

all right, you got this? Do you need advice on love, relationships, health emails? I'm so excited to share with you that my Cheekys and Chill podcast will have an extra episode drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just leave me a voice message. All you have to do is go to speak pipe dot com, slash Cheeky's and Chill podcast and record your questions. I can't wait to hear from you. This is a production of Heart Radio

and the Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael Doura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c H I t U I s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast.