Freaky with Chiquis and Perez Hilton

be highlighted, so I'm super excited about this. So if it's your first time listening to the show, welcome, and I'm so happy you're here. And if you've been with me for a while, you know how I feel about you. A Chickens and Chill is my comfort zone. I talk about anything and everything. Since I have you here, I wanted to remind you of some of my favorite episodes. We have one on cheating a betrayal, losing my mom Jenny, and a really important one with my fertility doctor on

freezing my eggs. And of course I've had interviews with some special guests, so be sure to check those out too. New episodes drop every month to you guys, ray subscribe to Cheeckens and Chill don't forget. Now, let's start the show. I grew up in a household where you didn't talk about sex, about having your period, about being gay. It was just like no. As I got older in school is when I learned about sex and all this stuff. Here's a confession of mine that might shock you. I

actually have not had sex since two thousand sixteen. You're more sensitive and you feel it more like just other stuff that. Oh my god, everybody's gonna be talking about this episode. I'm blushing already. Hello everyone, Welcome to a very sexy and mature episode of Cheeckens and Chill. I always tell you guys that this podcast is somewhere I can speak about topics that aren't talked about enough in our community. So today we're going to be diving into

something pretty taboo, sex and toys. We have a really a great guest with us, so I can't wait to get this conversation started. This is cheek Ease and Chill. So as promised, we have a really great guest who I'm so excited to talk to you today. Sitting here with me is the one and only Perez Hilton. He's an entertainer, an entrepreneur, a father, and podcast host. You guys, welcome for us. How are you? I am well. I was listening and enjoying your episode with Emily Stefan, and

I was so excited to be on myself. I will do everything in my power not to take over and start asking you all the questions which I want to do. You can't ask me whatever you want to Okay, this is a two way conversation, so you can ask me whatever you want. I'll let you start and then we'll go back and forth like a good two way. Yeah, a good two way. Yeah, it's talking about sex. That's a good way to put it. Okay. So I want to start off the conversation. Well, we've been following on

social media. We've been following each other for a while. I've been you comment on my stuff, I comment on your stuff. I love your kids, by the way, they're so freaking cute, and I love that now you're incorporating them in in the videos that you guys are doing. It is perfect. I don't know. I just wanted to tell you that first, thank you, before we move on to you know, the sex and mature part of this conversation. I do want to talk to you about something. Tell

me if I'm wrong, but are used. Do you consider yourself or I'm sure you've heard it before that you're a pretty controversial person. Me, me, me controversial. No. Actually, you know what, I'm going to start off by saying something that has revealed itself to me, and I think it's true, maybe not my brain playing tricks. Is that over the last many years, my people, my fellow Latinos, have really shown up for me and made me feel like we're family. And I don't get that necessarily from

Anglo America. I think you might understand this. You know, I grew up in Miami, the son of Cuban immigrants, and I'm very different and even controversial within my own family. However, I believe you know that you still love your family even if you disagree with them on politics or whatever

it might be. So there are a lot of Latinos out there who might think, well, he's controversial, he's we local, but you know, I still kind of like him, and I've actually always been a little bit local, even since high school. However, there came a point in time when I realized that how I was doing things was wrong and not to pat myself on the back. But there are some people who never learned that lesson. There are some people who will go their entire lives without growing up,

without maturing. I mean, I don't want to get political, but I don't care. Look at Donald Trump. Donald Trump is in his late seventies and he will still say everything he thinks, and he got rewarded for all the way into the White House. I'm not saying people should censor themselves. I believe in free speech. However, I am now acutely aware of the power of words, and I believe that you can express yourself in a way that's not cruel or nasty, or mean or purposefully hurtful, which

is what I used to do. I fully own it. When I was young. Well, I'm not I was still a grown man. Okay, I can't even I'm not trying to excuse it on youth. I was in my late twenties, and I did not care if my words were hurtful. All I cared about was me, me, me, and the attention that I was getting and the views and the this and the that. And I look back at that period of time now with deep shame, remorse, regret, and

gratitude that I'm not that person anymore. But I also know that maybe even the majority of your audience still sees me as that old person. It's like that expression, a first impression is a lasting impression, and hopefully your followers can see me as a cautionary tail. Things that you say today on social media could stay with you for the rest of your life. Because the Internet is forever, people will always be pulling up receipts from my past.

It doesn't matter that it was fifteen years ago or thirteen years ago. Yeah, you know what, But I respect that. I respect the fact that you can say, you know what, I regret it, I apologize, and we can't live in the past. We could just say, you know what, that's not who I am today and that does not define who I'm going to be tomorrow. So I think that's great.

But do you think it has to do like your change doesn't have to do with your children having children, or it was just something that you I don't know, it started before children. I noticed a change within me when I be again, my journey to be a healthier person. If people remember Perez Hilton from two thousand seven, I was so unhealthy and that's how I like to talk about it. I don't like to say fat. I was fat, but it's more than just wait. It's more than just wait.

I was unhealthy and it was bringing me down. And when I began on this journey to being a healthier person, I became a happier person. And I noticed that my thoughts changed. I was thinking clearer and differently, but I was afraid to make a change. I was paralyzed by fear because at that point I had been Perez for a long time and things were working well for me. But eventually there came a point when the universe smacked

me upside the head specifically. You know. It was a long time ago now, and in the fall of two thousand and ten, there was this rash of gay teenagers that were dying by suicide, and this journalist named Dan Savage created this campaign called It Gets Better. It was very simple. It was encouraging older people to make videos directly speaking to younger people. And I found out about

it the very same day he launched this campaign. I made it it Gets Better video, and the response that I got it changed me forever, because I thought, wow, in this moment of darkness. I'm doing something to spread light. But people did not see it that way. They said, how dare you? How dare you make and it gets better video. You're a hypocrite, you're a bully. You're a

part of the problem. And it was at that moment that I said, Okay, I have to make a change, and I have to stop all of the BS lies that I was telling myself, things like, oh, it's just a character. If people don't like what I'm saying, it doesn't matter because it's not the real me. But no, it was the real me. I was just beating my brain these lies, and you know, I was saying things like, well,

people don't like it, they should just ignore me. But it's not as simple as that, Like you might be a perfect person to talk on this, you know, like you might ignore people talking smack about you, but then a friend might innocently say, oh my god, I can't believe that person said that about you, or they might bring it to your attention thinking they're doing you a favor. So I decided to make a change. And it's not

like I've reinvented the wheel. I just put new rims on it because I like that well, thank you, thank you for sharing that with us, for being honest and transparent. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, we can talk about you know, well, we're here to talk about okay, because I thought you were the perfect person I like to talk about sex. I'm that friend that I'm always asking people questions, especially my gay friends, and

you're a gamel and you're open about it. So it's like, I want to have him on and I know he'll be fun and I know he'll be honest because I have a lot of questions. Okay, Well, let me ask you some questions before you start asking your questions. So I'm curious. You know, it's been many years years now since you started doing work in television and you first

came out on the scene with the reality TV. Do you think if you have not done reality television that the Spanish language media, which can be very vicious, do you think that they would have covered you differently. That's a very freaking good question. Um, I think so, I do thing. So I don't regret doing the reality that was like my first step into like my own career. But because I exposed so much of my personal life whenever I wanted to keep some to myself. It was

just why why now? And you know, it's still kind of like that. I did ten years of reality TV and I don't regret it, but times were obviously different. Um it was the thing back then, but they have been a little bit more harsh, I guess, a little bit harder on me. And I think it might have to do with that. For sure. I've thought about it, which is why now, even if they offered me, I'm just like I think about it a lot before. I would bring my siblings and I to do something like

that again. Okay, well now my questions all right. So, as you know, in our Latin culture, and this is why I wanted a podcast, I can talk about anything and everything. I grew up in a household where you didn't talk about sex, about having your period, about being gay. It was just like no, you know what I mean. My family was very traditional, very religious. Yeah, right, So I just started like as I got older in school is when I learned about sex and all this stuff.

It was my friends and what they were talking about. And it's not until like I was and I don't know, my little late twenties, I would say that I was introduced to a vibrator and I love them. I had a boyfriend that was not okay with me having a vibrator, and it was like, no, that's my competition sort of thing. Now that I'm thirty seven and I want to try to and things, I have a man younger than me,

seven years younger, and he's totally fine with it. He's like, let's bring it in, like, let's have fun, you know. And it's been amazing, you know, And I can't really talk to well, some of my friends. I'm that friend that would tell you, here, here's a vibrator for Christmas or your birthday. Sit on this instead of straining this. I'm that friend. I'm like, have safe sex. But my grandma was like I would tell her, I'm my grandma, you haven't had sex for so long. This is years ago.

I'm like, you haven't had sex for so long's you're not supposed to masturbate. And I'm just like, what isn't that safer than just like having sex with Random's? Absolutely and it's it's quicker too. I don't know about straight people, but most gay men they use the apps to to hook up, and I just don't have the time or the desire for that. Like, I would just rather take care of business myself, and I'm done much quicker than it would take me to like try to find buddy

and meet up with them and all of that. But I'm curious, though I love that you love your your toys, I would guess that straight men would not really be into toys for themselves. But here's my question. I'm all but certain that straight men, a lot of them, if not most, love porn. So are you okay with your younger boyfriend watching a lot of porn and masturbating without you. I'm gonna be real with you right now. Before the younger me was like, no, I was jealous, I was immature.

It was just like ridiculous. But now I wouldn't mind because I feel like it would give me a little bit of a breaknout. That I don't want to have sex with him, obviously, but sometimes I'm just busy and it's just like it's another kind of chore, you know what I mean. So now, like I asked him, do you watch porny says no, that he doesn't even like to jack off or anything like that's not his thing. Now i'd be fine with it. I'd be like, you know what, just do your thing like him and I.

We haven't gotten to that point. We've been dating for a year and a half, like watching porn together, but I want to and with my mom. My mom was very very open. You know, we'd be leaving the house on a date or with some friends. She's like, okay, well make sure you cover it, make sure you were a condom or like. She was very like that a little later, you know, because in the beginning she didn't really teach me much about sex or anything like that.

And so she got older and then she met this guy that was like the love of her life, her soul mate, and she just said that she became a woman. At like thirty something years old, she had her first orgasm. So we started talking about it. I was older, you know what I mean. So we we had these conversations. So your mom told you was telling you about her

first orgasm? Oh she did. She told us all have you because you're so well known, Like, well, first of all, is your boy is your current boyfriend Latino or not? He is, he's half Mexican, And have Filipino have you found like over the last decade or so that you have to be very cautious about dating because guys are just trying to use you. Um. Yes, in the beginning, when I start dating someone, I'm still a little bit hesitant,

a little worried, you know. But I think with with the media and my current boyfriend, he's just very like transparent and just very like you could tell right away he's so different. But I have had guys that have used me and have even called the paparazzi on us, and that just yeah, it's like you think that they're there for the right reasons and then you just realizing I was dumb to just ignore it for a while, but I learned my listen, let me tell you I

learned it. So you've been dating a year and a half, I would say the honeymoon phase is over, but you're still excited about him. And at this point in your relationship, how often are you having sex? You know what, you live together? We do live together. Now you live together and we have sex. It all just depends at least three times a week, three times a week that amount

of time. You know. I just actually have our little like thing, you know, our night schedule, and it just happens, and he knows when I'm trying to get first scale put something sexy on and I just like pretend like I'm in my little like baggy Pj's and then I pull him off and there's something nice down there, you know. So he's young. I gotta I gotta freaking keep up. Here's a confession of mine that might shock you. I actually have not had sex since two thousand sixteen. I

have not gotten naked with anybody. Perez, No way, way, okay, And why well, I'll explain why. So my son was my first child to be born. He was born in and after he was born, I decided that I wanted to go to New York City for a while because I love New York and I went to college there, and I said to myself, this is my last opportunity to enjoy New York because after this I have to

really settle down. So I went and we were there for two and a half years, and I went through a huge slut phase using all of those apps, and I got it out of my system. And it was really easy to meet guys in New York because you don't need a car. You can take the subway and you can be very spontaneous and very quick. Then I moved back to l A and it was really hard to even date, like using the same websites and the same apps. It was just very challenging. And then I

realized I don't need to. I mean, I'm open to it. I would like to. I'm not against it. I enjoy sex, but something changed where I didn't want to chase it that much. And I love sex, but I wanted to be easy. I feel, you, well, things have changed so much, you know, and then you your personality, yourself, your celebrity like, and you just feel like, are these people he's been coming into my life because they you know what I mean, you just I don't think about that. I think the

opposite it. Actually, I think anybody who messages me it wants to embarrass me. So that's another reason why I kind of stopped doing that. I thought, oh, they're just chatting with me to try to, you know, lead me on, so that they can screen grab our conversation and then leak it. And that's another reason why I'd rather just be more old school and meet somebody at the gym at my kids school, out at a concert, sitting next to them on a plane, you know, like people still

do meet other people that way. How did you meet your boyfriend at a party? At a I was having a birthday party for a friend of mine, for Becky g. Actually they're like cousins. They grew up together, and he was one of the guests, and I had seen him before. We did a photo shoot together, but we had like never exchanged numbers or anything. And that day we were

just drinking, having good time. And I'm glad I met him that way and not through someone that was sliding through my d M s, you know what I mean. I'm more traditional in that way as well. I tried the dating apps that should like scared the hell out of me, and I'm like, know what, It's just not for me, and these blind dates. I'd rather just like you said, I don't know how to library. Are there

any libraries anyway? Anyways, I'm saying the library because I would like a guy that reads, you know, he reads by the way. Um, but I get it. I get exactly what you're saying. Like the whole screen. You gotta be so careful with everything that you do now because they will just take a quick screenshot and try to screw you over so on the same token, Like I don't even care if they do, Like I kind of just I expect that. So I'm prepared for the worst. And it's not even that that I've been doing what

I do now for eighteen years. I would rather be embarrassed publicly than ignored, Like I'd rather have that humiliating attention than no attention. I keep it real, honest. That's what I love about you. You're honest. Have you slept with women before? No, you've never. I've never had any interest, no desire. Oh my god, everybody's gonna be talking about this episode. I'm blushing already, Louis, Oh my god. So you have siblings. Do you talk about these things with

your siblings? Oh no, No No, we my siblings and I are very very close, like really close, like sometimes too close. I mean, I don't know if I've ever shared this before, but we're just very open. My mom was that way with us, and so I'm like that with them as well. My brother, who's thirty one years old, he hasn't done it a long time, but when we lived together way back, like I don't know, I must have been in my early twenties. I'd be taking a shower and he'd walk in.

He's like, sister, I'm like, I'm literally naked showering. I'm like, what's up. He'd be like, I don't know this bitch, Like he was telling me just whatever it may be. We're very open. We were just on a trip and I took them out for my brother's birthday and we were talking about He's like, oh, I'm like, did you get any birthday sex? He's like, oh, yeah, she gave it to me real good and she just you know, she sucked it really nice. And that's also brother at

the breakfast table. So we are are you very very open? I don't have that, but I think you know, well you're probably closer and well, no, you're around the same. My sister is six and a half years younger, so

we never had that kind of relationship. Do you feel like with your children you wanted to do talk to them or because they're they're fairly young, but do you talk to them about their parts and like penis and vagina like oh yeah, using clinical words yeah, and saying things like you know, nobody can touch you, only the doctor. When the doctor asked for permission, and not even anybody, your siblings especially nobody can you know, we have those

kinds of discussions. But my oldest is only nine years old, and I think it's a little young to have more. But you know, I'm a single, gay dad and I had my children through surrogacy, so I've I've talked about that process with them and how they came to be. And I believe in being honest, which my mother doesn't always agree with everything I do. She's like, you don't need to be honest with children, their children, So yeah, I believe in being honest and age appropriate as well,

because they're only going to understand so much. And like, I like that my kids are a little bit sheltered, Like I want my kids to remain kids. Like my kids don't have cell phones. Like there's some nine year olds that have cell phones. And if that's your family and your and I understand it. You know, some people might have a kid that has to go between a mom's house and the dad's house, and the phone is

an important tool that the kid needs. My kids don't need phones for me, and they're not they don't have it. But I will be honest and educating my children. But when they're in their twenties, I don't need you them to be telling me about if they orgasms or not. I don't I know you. But but if if they talk about it with each other, that's great. I wanted to talk about it with each other. They don't need to talk about it with me, though, you Okay, I feel you, I feel you, but I and I totally,

I totally get that. I was watching I think the View the other day and they were talking about, you know, I don't remember who she was, but she was talking about, yes, you know, I speak to my children about their penis and their vagina and that, like what you said, no one should touch you there. And I think those conversations early on, Yes, for me, are very important because of what happened to me. I was actually used by my dad and and my mom. She was she was young

with she had me. She was fifteen, so she was a kid raising a kid, you know. But now when she got older she did tell me, she's like, I wish I would have talked to you about that because it would have prevented so many things. You know, it happens too often, and I think if they're aware of their body parts and their privacy. I think that that is something important. Going back to something you said earlier, you know, like you I had, well, I was much

younger when my dad passed away. It was the summer between freshman and sophomore year of high school. And not only did my Latino Cuban family not talk about this or talk about that, but they also didn't believe in therapy. Oh that's for our good ing goals. We don't do there. You don't go to therapy. We didn't do therapy. But I wish that I was in therapy back then. I'm

in therapy now and I find it's so helpful. So I was gonna ask, you know, you've been through so much in your life, and just from speaking to you now, you seem very adjusted and happy. And I don't know, but maybe like healed or it's a healing is a constant work in progress. But how did you get to that point of where you are at now of healing yourself? For sure? Therapy. I've been in therapy since I was twelve.

The doctor that examined me when all this came out to light, um, he suggested, and again my family was very like, well, what's therapy. All you need is God. All you need to do is pray, and yes, you do need that. I feel like you need to have

your relationship your faith. But therapy has helped me so much, you know, and like you said, it is a taboo and it's something that I talked about on my podcast and I share and I'm a huge advocate for it because it's helped me and my faith and having such a strong mother that no matter what happened, she never allowed me to feel sorry for myself. This happened, you gotta pick up and then, you know, dust yourself off

and keep walking. And I always say that because I have that in the back of my mind of we gotta keep going, we gotta be strong. It's been that. It's been that and knowing the responsibility that I have, having the platform that God has given me to share and to spread light and to be an example of Yes, I've been through this, but that does not define who I am today. I mean, I'm still in therapy. I do it every week because it just helps me. It's

I need the mentorship. I love it. I mean, I have so much empathy and compassion because when you have trauma that happens like what you experienced, or even with me losing a parent at a very young age. You can respond one of two ways. You can respond how you did and how I did, or you can respond by choosing a path of destruction, you know, whether that be exert alcohol or extreme promiscuity. And but what's fascinating is I didn't really get into therapy until in my forties,

and it wasn't. Yeah, it wasn't until the last couple of years that I realized, Wow, I've been carrying all this baggage from when I was a teenager that I never really addressed because I didn't have the tools or the mental and emotional maturity to process all of these things, like my dad dying and my grandfather died the same week. That was pretty earth shattering, and my grandfather lived with us as well. My mom's dad and then her husband both died seven days apart, and my dad was unexpected.

He had an aneurysm. And yeah, it's interesting because you had a really close and special relationship with your mother because you were close in age, and I have a very close and special relationship with my mother as well, because in a way, I had to become at an early age. The parents and I had to start financially supporting my mother and she lives with me. I I

love her, and I say this with love. In many ways, my mother is an inspiration for me in how I don't want to parent, so I try to correct how I was brought up and and and make sure that I'm doing things differently from my kids, for example. And you probably could relate to this too, you know, I don't. I do have also compassion and grace and understanding from my mom, knowing that she did her best. She did

her best given her upbringing and what she knew. But I always struggled with my weight from youth to adulthood as well. And I remember there was a period where my mom decided we're gonna be healthy. So her i of being healthy was having us eat iceberg lettuce with tomatoes, and the salad dressing was mayonnaise. Iceberg lettuce with tomatoes and mayonnaise. But then there's some things that when I

was younger, I used to fight my mom on. Actually, I'll ask you this, This is the best thing that my mother told me growing up, which I never believed. And maybe you might think this is cynical. But I never really believed or got or understood until recently because for me, I always was a big proponent of friendship and I love having friends. I love friendship. But my mom said friends will come and friends will go, but the most important thing in life is family. And I'm like, Mom,

that's so cynical. You can have friends that are like family, and she's like, no, it's not true. No family is family and friends are friends. And and I do believe that now, m it's probably like that. You know, blood is thicker than water. And for me, I feel like I consider my family my siblings. To me, it's it's us and and I feel that there are certain friends like you can make your own family like people that you meet or you know what I mean. And for

me that that's that's my family. For a long time, I had and I had an episode on this called toxic loyalty that in our culture, we're we're like, but that's your dad, but that's your cousin. It doesn't matter, that's your family. But I'm like, but wrong is wrong. If they're not making me feel good, and they're making me more sad than happy, then I'd rather and I learned this through through therapy, where it's just it's okay

to let people from afar. It takes a long time to understand that because I was taught in a way toxic loyalty in my whole life. And now I'm like, okay, I wanted to be every relationship it doesn't matter who it is, for it to be reciprocated, for me to give and they give as much as I do sort of thing. It took me a long time. That's not realistic. What what is our realistic? Even even my sister, for example,

I hope she doesn't listen. Oh my god. With my sister, I feel like I'm always the one taking the initiative, like hey, let's do this with the kids, or let's do this, or let's do that. And it would be nice if she's the one saying, hey, you want to come over or whatever. But it's okay if it's not fifty fifty. She's my sister, and I'm still gonna continue to be the one making the bigger effort. And I'm the older sibling, you know, Yeah, as older siblings, it's

just going to always have to be that way. To be honest, It's like I've learned that I'm like and I'm okay with it. As long as you motherfuckers call me back and take me back, I'm good. Anyways, Thank you, Thank you for sharing everything, for being so open for your questions to me. I loved having you on the podcast. I hope this is not the first and the last time. Do you want to share your social so people follow you?

A lot of people do, but still well, the number one thing I'll say is people who listen and enjoy podcasts usually check out and enjoy more than one. So check out mine the Perez Hilton podcast with Chris Booker. You can hear it at Perez podcast dot com. That's Perez podcast dot com. And that's it. I'm everywhere and I'm just so grateful to have had this time together

with you, and uh that I'm still here. It's like, it's crazy that I started life as Perez in two thousand and four, really before there was social media, Like I was an influencer before that word even existed. And while I'm not an IT girl anymore, I'm still here and I am an icon and icons are forever. Yes, I love that absolutely. Thank you guys so much, and as you guys know I always share my motivational quote right before we end. Here's the quote for you guys.

When things change inside you, things change around you. I'll tell you I'm a living proof of that. So I hope you guys enjoyed this conversation with Perez Hilton. Thank you for being on and I will catch you on the next episode of Chickies and Chill. Do you need advice on love, relationships, health emas. I'm so excited to share with you that my Cheekies and Chill podcast will have an extra episode drop each week. I'll be answering

all your questions. Just leave me a voice message. All you have to do is go to speak pipe dot com slash Cheeks and Chill podcast and record your questions. I can't wait to hear from you. This is a production of I Heart Radio and the Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts and follow me checks that's c h I q U I s. For more podcasts from My heart, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. H