Family Issues and Having a "Pobrecita" Mentality

find yourself lonely if you don't fix that. What up, guys, Happy Monday. I hope you all are having an amazing day. I'm happy to be on the mic with you guys for today's episode of Cheeks and Chill, and I hope you guys had a chance to check out last week's episode on the Pie of Life, something I learned about in therapy and it's really helped me balance my life, so be sure to check it out anyway. On today's episode, I'm going to be talking about something I posted on TikTok.

In the video, I talked about how I can't stand people who have a boba that mindset. That attitude. A lot of you guys watched it and responded to it, so I wanted to impact that a little bit on here. So let's get into it. This is Cheeky's and chill, okay, So let's start with a little bit of the backstory.

lawyers take care of that. But there has been a lot of lies and deception and just people and I'm not going to say names, but people really not taking accountability and not taking responsibility for their actions, not knowing how to apologize, how to accept that they didn't do a perfect job, and that's okay. We don't want perfection, we want honesty. Right. So I was thinking, and it had been sitting in my heart and in my mind for a while, and then then I thought, you know what,

it's something that has been bugging me in general. It's something that bugs me in general. And when this all happened and then I saw certain things being said, I took a lot. And it still takes a lot for me to just stay quiet and stay centered and focus on God and know that he has our back and he knows the truth and everything is going to be okay. Because as a big sister, the first thing I want to do is go out there and defend my siblings and defend our truth. But I'm just trying to be

chill now. So that's the reason I posted it. And I was thinking of someone specifically, which I'm not going to say their name, And I always say if the shoe fits, wear it. But it also does go with what I truly believe. I don't think it's cool to have a Bodhesita mindset or attitude. What does that mean exactly? That means oh, pore me, Oh, I I didn't do this, And the reason I did this was because this person

did that. It's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop pointing fingers first of all, because when you point a finger, there are three fingers pointing back at you. So I'm not saying that the other person doesn't and shouldn't take accountability. But before we start pointing fingers, we need to look within ourselves and say, wait a second, what have I done to cause a situation? What can I do differently to have a better and a different outcome? Where can

I apologize? You know, there is a lot of power in manning up, even if you're a woman like womaning up you know the way I said it on my TikTok and apologizing and saying you know what I asked up. I'm not perfect. You know I could have done things differently, you know what I mean. It could be in different situations. But stop trying to make people feel sorry for you, painting a picture of like it's the other person's fault. No, no, no, wit.

There's always two sides, three sides to the story, Okay, your side, their side, and the truth. So it's taking accountability more than anything, and not wanting, first of all, not victimizing yourself. Yes, you can be a victim of a situation, but once you start victimizing yourself, that's very different. It's oh my god, poor me, this happened to me. And it keeps you stuck, It keeps you stagnant. It doesn't allow you to grow, it doesn't allow you to

live a more peaceful life. There is so much freaking power, you, guys, in being vulnerable and in saying, dude, I'm messed up and I'm sorry for that, and I want to be different and that does not define who I am today.

So that's why I posted it. I just felt that it could fit many people, and that's why I kept it general, because yes, it is like something I truly can't stand, and yes we are and we're going through something during that time, and I felt the need to say something without saying it directly to the person, if that makes sense. So I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna say how it is. I'm straight up, and it's not

because I'm scared if I haven't spoken up. It's because I'm respecting my sister in her position, and I don't want to make her position harder. My sister Jackie, who is now the CEO of Jenny Rivera enterprises and we all decided to just stay quiet. And I do see and I do hear a lot of things that pissed me off, and I'm gonna just maybe eventually, I don't know when, I don't know if it's even gonna happen, but take the reins as the eldest sister and speak

the truth. But for now, I'm chilling. I'm leaving it in God's hands. And I truly, truly do believe that you should not. And it's not cute to have able to see that mentality, guys, absolutely not. You know, I was sitting and thinking to myself, where does this come from? Is it a maturity thing? Is it lack of confidence? I don't know. I mean, I personally feel because I'm not gonna lie. Back in the days when I was younger, it was a little harder for me to take accountability.

And I think it was because I didn't know who I was. I thought that I had to be quote unquote perfect, you know what I mean, in order for people to like me. Then it got to a point where it's like, I'm human. I make mistakes, I can say sorry, I can change no situation is going to define who I am today and who am going to be tomorrow and in my future. So once I understood that and I was like, Okay, I accept myself for who I am, flaws and all. Now I'm like, okay, yeah,

I'm cool with not being perfect. I'm okay with making mistakes and I admit to them because regardless dos a la la loos, everything comes to light. So I do think it is a part of not knowing who you are, not being confident in who you are, and maturity. But unfortunately, in my situation, my personal situation, which is what caused me to record this video in the first place, the person I'm kind of thinking about is older than I am. Actually it's not just one person, it's a few people.

They're older than I am, And I'm like, what the heck they have, in my personal opinion, something that they need to heal in their heart and in their mind, or something that's causing them not to see the truth of things. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a grown ass man or a grown ass woman, doesn't matter your age, to say, you know what, I didn't do this right and for that I'm sorry. I admire people that can

just face it. You take the power from the other person once you're just like, I apologize, I'm sorry, you know what I mean. Like you take literally the power and you're like, oh shoot, the other person says like, oh wow, they admitted to it, or you know, yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna forgive them because they've been honest, because they're apologizing, because they're admitting, you know what I mean. So I do think it's a little bit. It's a

conjunction of things. I could be wrong. Again, this is just my opinion and my advice and my podcast, so I can talk about whatever I want, Thank goodness, but it is something that is not cute, especially in men. It's not cute to be like, oh, you know, everyone feels sorry for me. You know, I didn't do anything wrong, and these people are accusing me, and these people are saying things that no, no, no, have your balls in your hand and your body's in your hand, and face the truth,

face the music. You know what I mean. It's okay. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and it's going to be that way for the rest of our lives. That's just the way life works. You learn from every mistake. The gatta gaia. Each time you fall, you learn, you grow,

you mature, You're supposed to anyways. And if you have it and you still have that poor me attitude, bobahesitam mentality added to whatever you want to call it, you really got to do some like inner work, you know, because it's just it's it's not it you guys, and it will keep you stuck. It will not allow you to grow. And what Chiggie's and Chill is all about is growing and expanding and evolving in every way. Perfection does not exist. And it's okay because I feel like

being perfect would be boring. It wouldn't like bring any labor or sason to like life. So we need certain situations and certain things to spice things up a little bit. But what are you going to learn from that? You know what I mean? And I want to publicly think my mother for the way that I am because she was tough. She was a tough and a very strict mom. She was very direct with us and her lessons were hard,

very hard, but they stuck. And that's one thing that when I went through the whole thing with my dad's actually molesting me in that whole situation. My mom believed me right away and said, you know what, Okay, I believe you. I don't question it. She took me to the doctor, she did everything she had to do as a mother to be there for me, put me into therapy, the whole thing. But I swear to you, in my little mind at twelve years old, I thought, okay, cool, I'm going to be able to get away with a

lot of things because this happened to me. My mom was like, uh h, hell no, that happened to you, but I'm not going to feel sorry for you, and you should not feel sorry for yourself and get started. Then when I was like, oh shoot, I thought I was gonna have like special treatment, you know what I mean, because I was going through so much. But she was like, oh, you're going to school, You're gonna bring me good grades, and if you don't, I'm gonna whoop your ass. You know,

so mind you times are different, you guys. Spanking was still okay back in the days. So anyways, my mom was very like, no, I'm not gonna allow you to feel sorry for yourself and victimize yourself. Yes, you are a victim of sexual abuse, but you are not going to victimize yourself. You are going to take this and learn from it and help other people. And that's what was instilled in my mind, and I till this day think like that. I'm like, Okay, I got a separation,

I was divorced. Everything, anything and everything that I've been through. I'm like, what lesson? Literally? I asked myself, and I'm like, what is God trying to teach me from this? What lesson am I to learn from this pain? How am I going to turn this pain into growth, maturity, into making myself a better version of myself to keep myself from feeling this pain again. So I've always had that mentality, and you know, and I thank my mom for it, you know, And I think for sure that's where it

comes from. When it comes to me, I don't like to sit there and mope and just say oh my God and not do anything. Like I'm like, no, what can I change? How can I make this situation better? How can I learn from this? There is always something to learn from every situation, even if it's painful. I always say pain is a pastor promotion. Pain is supposed to make us grow in every single way, and growing

isn't necessarily comfortable. It's actually uncomfortable. Change is uncomfortable, but it's necessary in order to make us a better version of ourselves. Going back to the TikTok, there was a comment on my post of a girl saying, you know what she admitted here. This is a prime example of someone taking accountability and saying, you know what, I do this a lot to myself. How can I stop doing it? What advice do you have for me? So I hope

she listens to my podcast. My advice to the specific girl who, honestly, I commend random applause to you for doing it publicly because you left a comment publicly that you do this, and it's okay, we all, I've been there, I get it. I understand. It's first of all, recognizing it, which that's a first step. And you're doing that, recognizing it,

admitting to it, taking accountability, okay. And I think it's important to know who you are and what you bring to the world, what you bring to the table, being okay with that, accepting your flaws and doing anything and everything that you can to change those things. How can you do that? Okay? Going to therapy, healing things, you know, especially healing healing is so important for the process of

growing and becoming our best selves. That is one of the most important things to do, so that you don't throw yourself a little pity party and it's like, oh my god, a pitty party of one, Like, no, that's not cute, you guys, that's not in an attractive thing. And feeling sorry for yourself is just admitting apologizing if you need to apologize, and healing, taking accountability, taking responsibility for whatever mistake you make, and being okay with knowing

that you're human and you're gonna make mistakes. You're not perfect, and you have to allow yourself through that mistake to grow and to learn, because that's what life is all about, is going through certain situations and scenarios in order for you to grow, to learn, to mature, and that's going

to make you your best self. That's my advice to you, and I hope you listen to this podcast because I've been meaning to respond to that comment, but I thought that this would be the best way to go about it because I wanted people to really truly understand where that whole TikTok boese that mentality attitude came from. Because it's just I don't know. I really admire someone that can come and just in your face say, dude, I really screwed up. I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't

have done that. I didn't do things right. My bad. Because when you say it out loud, you're not only asking the person and for forgiveness, but you're also forgiving yourself and giving yourself that grace and that compassion that it just you won't fall. When you say it out loud and you yourself bring it to light, it's very hard for you to go back to do the same thing.

And that's what it's about. It's like, hey, let me bring this out to the world and out loud, and not to the world, but to the person, like not keeping it within yourself, but actually telling not like going on a podcast or like on TikTok and saying it the way I did. But I'm saying, like, you know, like going to the person or saying hey, admitting out loud, hey I messed up. That just like allows you or helps you not to make the same mistake. You get me.

And just to be honest, when I say that's not cute, I really mean it. That whole like pity party and oh my god, and you know I don't have this, and it's like always complaining and being negative is just no one wants to be around that. It could be somewhat contagious and you could be like in a great mood and then you all of a sudden are around this person who's just like, oh, you know, my goodness, and this always happens to me and this and this and that and blah blah blah. It's just like, dude,

that's another thing. It's not just mistakes and all that stuff, because I was like my personal situation, but like yeah, like always just feeling sorry for yourself and always just pointing out how everything is going wrong and complaining in your life. Like that's also abbot to see that mentality, Like no one wants to be around that, and you're going to find yourself lonely if you don't fix that.

Like it's it's about being positive. And I know that sounds like so cliche, like oh, optimistic and all this stuff, but it's way better than complaining and being negative, for sure. I'd rather be optimistic all day long than pessimistic, for sure. So that's another thing to take into consideration. I don't want to live my life by myself, you know. I want to have solid, good friends, And that's also in your hands and being more of a positive person, not

just for yourself but for those around you. And if you find yourself doing this, take the device I just gave homegirl from TikTok where she left her comment. Or if you have friends or family members that do this all the time and it's affecting you, because it will first it'll annoy you and you'll be like, oh my gosh, this is so annoying. Why they're always saying that? And then it's just gonna start really affecting you mentally emotionally. So I think you just got to like, don't stay

in front of people. I always say, like, pull someone to the side, write them a letter. I love writing letters, So write them a letter or tell them personally privately, hey,

like this is not okay. You're now starting to affect me, and you really need to heal yourself, Like you really need to do something to heal whatever's going on and is making you feel this way, whatever it is, tell them what I'm telling you, Like, that's not cute, you know what I mean like, you're gonna push me away if you continue doing this, if you continue feeling sorry for yourself and being negative and pointing out everything that's

going wrong in your life. And that's one thing I always say you, guys, Yes we can have a bad day, and believe me, I have them where I'm irritated or I'm annoyed, or I'm overwhelmed, and I do my best to say, hey, at least to have a roof over my head, at least I have running water, like point out the good things. You know, no one wants to be around someone that's constantly pointing out the bad things.

It's okay for you to say, hey, I'm feeling this, but don't let that moment turn into two days, three days a week, a month, like, no, we got to stop it. It's in our hands. It's a choice to say, I choose to be happy, I choose to heal, I choose to be better. I choose to forgive myself, I choose to forgive that person. It's all about what you choose on a daily basis that's going to make the

biggest difference. So just to wrap everything up, because I know I went here, there and everywhere, but take accountability, Take responsibility for your actions, for your mistakes. Know that no one is perfect. Allow yourself to be human. You are human, but also allow yourself to be a spiritual

person and mature enough to apologize if need be. And also, instead of looking at all the negative things and looking at all the things that you don't have, start focusing on what you do have, on the good things in your life, and that will definitely help you set the tone for your day, for your life, and for you not to have a bob to see that mentality, because that's not gonna get you anywhere. It's going to keep you stuck. And no one is trying to be stuck.

That's not the goal here. The goal is to keep going, to keep moving, to move forward, to be better, to grow, you know. So anyways, guys, I hope that this episode has helped you and will help you, or you can help someone else. If you know someone that is kind of like this, it's okay. I've been there before. I

know I recognize it, So it's okay. If you have a friend a family member that is doing this right now, send them this episode so that they can listen to it and Hopefully that can spark something in them to make a difference, to change so that they're also happier, because at the end of the day, you're so much happier when you take accountability. Accountability, it'll take you far, guys. So with that being said, you know I always leave

you guys with a quote. I actually have two, guys. Okay, So the quotes are, you can't mope around feeling sorry for yourself and expect good things to happen. It doesn't work like that. The next one is don't feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that, all right, guys. So I hope you guys found this episode empowering. Just know that I appreciate you, that I love you, and that all I want is for you to become your best self.

That is all okay, And before I let you go, be sure to tune in for next week's episode of Cheeks and Chill because it's a good one. We sit down with one of my good friends, DJ Lechro. Don't miss that one, Okay. I love you guys. Do you need advice on love, relationships, health emails? I'm so excited to share with you that my cheekys and Chill podcast will have an extra episode drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Leave me a voice message person

Ade Monday. All you have to do is go to speak pipe dot com, slash Cheeky's and Chill Podcasts and record your questions. I can't wait to hear from you. This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Micaeldura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael Gura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i q u i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast, and check us out on YouTube.