Hello, Hello, everyone, and welcome to a brand new episode of Cheeky's and Chill. This podcast is a space for me to speak about anything and everything that's on my mind. I have guests as well, so if you are a new listener, welcome, thank you so much. Today is going to be an episode just you and I and we're going to be speaking on a topic that's been on my mind and in my heart for a while, and it is the ego and how it affects our life,
you guys, and how it's affected my life. And the reason why I want to talk about this is because having too much ego really affects your self esteem, affects your relationships.
And what I want to do w on.
Chegiz and Show more than anything, is help you become the best version of yourself. So let's talk about everything that has to do with ego. Because ego is not You're an ego now with that being said, you guys, ego is the way I see it. Ego is in the flesh, Ego is in the mind, okay, and it has ruined my life many times in many ways different situations.
I have had ego, Other people have had ego, and I think it's important to talk about that because, especially now in the world that we're living in, I feel that it's more prominent.
It's everywhere. I don't know what it is.
I don't know if it's social media. I have no clue, but ego is definitely here. Maybe it's always been here. I just see it more because now I really know what it is and I want.
Us to check ourselves.
We all have ego and it's something that we have to control. So anyways ways that ego has affected my life, I think ego affects my life more in relationships with partners. And I've been thinking about this because I've noticed even now in my relationship in my marriage with Emilio, sometimes I snap and I don't snap like that on anyone else, and it's not okay, And I think sometimes it's my ego coming to like protect me. It's a fake armor that comes to protect me because I'm like, no, you're
not going to take advantage of me. And I don't want you to think now that we're married, you're going to act a certain way or you can like it just starts like boom. It's the walls that come up, and it's my ego, and I have to sometimes I check myself and it's just pride, you know. And I've learned and it's a pattern in my life. And I see how I've allowed ego to ruin my relationships in the past, or how my other partners ex partners have allowed ego to come into our life and ruin the
relationship because we're too proud to apologize. We're too proud to be vulnerable. And that's one thing that I'm super intentional about about just checking myself, whether it be in business, in relationships and friendships, but especially in my relationship, I have to ask myself, Okay, am I speaking from a place of ego my flesh that just automatically wants to just protect itself, Or am I speaking from the spirit?
Am I speaking from my soul?
And I check myself because I don't want to continue having filled relationships. I want to be the best version of myself for my partner because I'm happy because he deserves it. And another way that ego has affected my life was with my relationship with my mom. I think it was my mom's pride that didn't want to let me in. And again she's not here, so this is just these are my thoughts. She's not here to defend herself.
But I truly feel that if my mom would have put her pride to the side and would have listened to me or taken the time to hear me out, I probably would have had the chance to speak to her and to explain to her certain things before she passed. And there's a fine line, okay, between being prideful or
taking a stand and setting boundaries. Setting boundaries is you respecting yourself and respecting that something's not making you happy, and you're setting a limit and saying, here, you know what, you're hurting me, and I need to set this line in this boundary in order for you not to hurt me anymore. I can't allow it, you know what I mean. That's just an example of a boundary. Now, having ego is kind of like, oh, I'm not gonna apologize even
though I know I'm wrong. I'm not gonna apologize because no, I'm not. No, but you think about it and you're like, damn, I know I was wrong. I should probably should have said sorry, but no, no, no, I'm not going to apologize. I'm not why because they're going to see me as weak and that's our ego. And the reason I want to talk about this, you guys, is because I see how.
Much it kills things.
It kills anything and everything in its way, and we have to be super careful with it, you guys. So that's why I say, ego is not your ego, and your life is so much better when you're able to be vulnerable with your partner, with your friends, with putting just pride to the side and saying, you know what, I apologize, I.
Was wrong or I feel this way.
Or sometimes even people won't express their feelings or how they're feeling that someone else is hurting them because they're too afraid of looking weak. That's the ego. That's the mind sometimes our thoughts, you guys. Or overthinking should I say, overanalyzing things? And I'm telling you because I've done it in the past. I overanalyze, I overthink and it just gives me anxiety and it gives me depression, and it's just like, dude, I gotta fucking stop this. And that's
just the ego playing tricks on you. We all have a little devil on one shoulder and a little angel. I try my best to listen to a little angel. Well, sometimes people be pissing me off, and I'm like, you know, so I really didn't plan much. I just wanted to.
I had this on my heart and I was on the treadmill and I called my producer and I said, hey, I really want to talk about this because it's something that if we don't fix sooner rather than later, it can kill love, like love between in a relationship, even in family.
I've seen it in my own family.
This is I can't really say much, but I was on a on a zoom call, a very important zoom call with someone, and it was just so disheartening to see this person. No matter how much I tried to say, hey, let's try to figure a way to fix this, he just was not no, no, it was just his ego
was like bigger than this fucking room. Like I'm just like, dude, if you could just put that shit to the side and speak to me from your heart and listen to me, because your ego and your pride is not allowing you to hear me and what I'm saying and I'm trying to resolve this issue. And he was just like no, like this and that, and it's just like, dude, living in the past.
That's part of ego. It's like, dude, let that shit go.
Like life is too precious, life is too beautiful to sit there in your own sorrow and not one will apologize or talk about things or fix shit. And it's just like I've seen it like ruin families, my family, and that's why I was like, I want to talk about this. I don't even know I have my cue
cards here, you guys. There's certain little things that I can touch on, but I really just wanted to speak from my heart and just tell you guys what I've been thinking and things that are important to me in this world that I feel like.
That's that's part of my purpose.
Is just if something comes to me and I'm in my moment of prayer meditation and it just like downloads in my brain or in my heart, is because I'm like, I feel like I need to speak on it. And that's why we have this podcast. You know, do I struggle with ego in my personal life. In my personal life, we just talked about it. I do struggle with it more in my relationship and I have to check myself constantly because that comes from.
Trauma.
From stuff that I grew up seeing in my household, and I just I feel like I need to be a tough, tough woman.
No one's gonna hurt me. But it's like I've learned the.
Hard way that I can't be that way, that I do have to be a little submissive. I do have to feed the king in my partner, in my husband now and tell him, hey, you hurt my feelings, when before I was like, no, I've got no boo next. It just I don't want to continue in that pattern. So that's where I've struggled the most with ego is in my relationships because I'm like, hey, nobody gonna hurt me. I was like next, you know, and I'm like, no, I'm dude, I'm in my thirties. I can't be like next, Next.
Like I got to settle down and I got to figure out what the hell's wrong with me. So yes, in my personal life, that's where I feel I struggle with ego the most, with my siblings, not really in my professional life. I wouldn't say that I have an
issue with ego. I just know what I want and what I deserve, and I like people being fair and I've learned to speak up and say what I want and what I expect and what I don't like, and if there's a doubt in my mind, I used to not say anything, so I don't ruffle feathers and I don't make things uncomfortable. Now I'm like, wait, I don't feel comfortable with this. I'm kind of doubting here. Let me ask a question. So I don't really feel like ego plays a part in my professional life either. I'm
telling you it's just relationships. But I'm working on it, you guys every single day. And there are times where I'm like shit and my ego got in the way, and I'll go tell the media bay, but.
I'm so sorry.
I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have talked to you that way. My tone of voice wasn't right, because it happens to be in my tone of voice sometimes I can be a little bitch, you know, so check. I'm not perfect, you guys, and that's what it is.
That's why I like to talk to you guys, because I'm not perfect, and I want you guys to learn from me and learn from my mistakes and from things that I've done in my past, and the only way to do that is being vulnerable and speaking about it and being willing to open my heart to you guys. That's the only way we're going to change the world, guys, is if we're willing to speak about our truth. So that's my truth. Is there anything that triggers my ego
when people want to make a full of me? There's just something where I'm like, uh ah, Because again, usually this comes from trauma, you guys, from childhood, stuff that we've seen, the stuff that we haven't healed. And sometimes when people want to make a full of me or do something and think that I'm not going to find out or take my kindness for weakness, that's another episode, you guys, that we need to kindness for weakness.
That's a whole other thing.
But something happens and my chest starts getting big and I'm like, uh uh, I'm not dumb because for so long in my childhood I felt dumb because I was told that I wasn't smart and blah blah blah. So it was something that I'm like, I want to be smart. I want to read books. And we've talked about this on the podcast. So when people try to question my intelligence or think that I'm not gonna find something out that pisses me off, and I'm just like my ego and my chest starts going on my.
I'm gonna show you who the fuck I am, you know, and I don't.
I don't know if you guys can relate to that, but definitely that's one thing where it's like it triggers my ego, and I'm like, no, absolutely not another thing that triggers my ego.
Is and I guess it.
Honestly, guys, it does have to do with just trauma and and things that, you know, that inner child. The other day, I was at dinner with Emilio and it's so funny. We were at dinner and I mispronounced a word because I tend to do that quite a bit and I don't know sometimes like the words just won't
flow correctly or whatever. And he corrected me, but kinda laughed, and it just kind of bothered me, and I was like, what, Like, I think it has to do with anything that if you're gonna try to come at me and make me look dumb or feel dumb, like it just does something to me. And I responded and I was very like like I was rude. I was just like, why the fuck are you laughing? Like we were having a nice dinner and it was just he was just like no, I was just smirking, like I wasn't like.
Laughing at you or you know. But it really triggered me, and I just I felt it.
I felt it come from my gut all the way up and I was like I was being mean, but because I felt I felt dumb. I guess, and it's something that I still need to work on. And I'm I say it all the time. I don't care like I'm I'm mispronounced words or whatever, but I love to learn, so I'm like, okay, teach me, you know what I mean.
But I guess it's always how we deliver our message.
And I guess he didn't deliver it in the way that I needed it, but it wasn't his fault.
But then it triggered me.
So it's stuff. I feel like the ego is stuff. It's really an insecurity, you guys. That's when it comes down to it. It's an insecurity that we have, a deep rooted insecurity that we have that makes the ego come out. Now that I'm talking about that the insecurities in my relationship. I don't really struggle with Emilio's ego anymore. It was just I think the first year of our relationship because it was his first time dating someone famous, you know, and he didn't know how to deal with it.
And he would tell me, He's like, I just I don't know. There are things that I wouldn't even allow my ex girlfriends to do. Like, for instance, if we were in the car and I'd be texting because I do a lot of my work while you know, people are driving, my assistant or Emilio, and I would just like, you know, I take advantage of like I'm not driving, so I'm like answering emails, I'm doing this on social media,
blah blah blah blah. And he would get so upse he'd be like, I need you to pay attention to me, like I'm not an uber driver, and I was like, well, I'm working and you wudn't pay my bills. So we would like it was a thing of what are you doing on your phone? And he was like, oh, before I would not allow my ex girlfriends to be on their phone when I'm driving.
You pay attention to me.
I was like, well, that's not going to work here because I'm busy and all my work is right here, so.
We would get into it.
So that's just a little tiny example of how I feel. His ego in the first year was like no, like he was kind of not mean, but he was just a completely different person. And not like he was a bad person that I wouldn't be with him if he was, But the ego, it was just him like didn't know how to deal with a woman like me. It was his first time, you know. But now we don't have that.
Now he's very vulnerable, we both are. But I feel like in this relationship, I have more of the ego issues where they come up a little bit more often in my past relationships.
Though, Wow, was ego definitely not our ego.
That is the reason why we probably did not well, not probably, we did not work because of pride and ego, And it was because at the end of the day, they were insecure, even with the media. Now, he tells me, I was insecure. I was insecure about like what if you're gonna leave me, what if you're talking to someone else, Like what if I'm not good enough for you?
All these things. But we talked about it, and.
Then I knew what was bothering him, and I filled his cup with security and telling him everything he needed to hear. And now that's why it's not an issue. But I didn't know how to deal with it back then. I just knew that my presence or what it is that I did for a living, bothered my exes and made them act a certain way, and didn't know how to say sorry, and felt like, Okay, well, you think you're this or you're that, well I'm gonna top you and I'm gonna do.
Anything to stroke my ego.
And that's why I'll cheat, because I want to feel like more of a man because I feel intimidated by you or inadequate. And now I recognize it, and now it's just instead of being upset, I feel more compassion of like shit. I wish I would have known so that I can help you work through that, not for me because I'm happy now, but for you to be a better man for the next girl.
But we all live and learn.
And I'm telling you. I remember telling one of my axes. I was like, dude, your pride is bigger than anything else on your body. If you know what I mean, because I don't want but I was just like, dude, like, you're ruining our relationship and it's just because of your freaking pride, and it's just insecurity at the end of
the day. But I'm so grateful that I went through all of those situations and those relationships because they helped me become the woman that I need to be for the relationship that I'm in now, and that I was able to learn from that and speak to Emilio and also just know that at the end of the day, we all have it. We all have insecurities. I don't give a shit who you are and what you do.
We all have insecurities. Is just recognizing those insecurities, addressing them, and being willing to heal it and to speak to whoever it may be. It could be your mother, it could be your friend, it could be your partner, it could be your sister, anything that's making you feel insecure. Once you let it out and bring it to light, you start healing it and then the ego is no longer an issue.
So all that to just say, ego.
Is insecurities, you guys, So that is my insecurity, I guess I don't want to feel dumb.
I don't want to look dumb. I want to be smart.
I want which is why I'm so passionate about learning and reading, because I want to better myself, because I never want to be called stupid ever again. I don't even like that word because I heard it when I was young and it just stuck here and it really really poisoned me. And that's what ego will do you, guys. It'll poison your body, it'll poison your thoughts, it'll poison your heart, and it will not allow you to.
Be everything you can be. It will your potential.
So Kim, my assistant here, had a question and she's asking if having no ego is good or bad? Right, Like, should you have a little bit of ego? I think you should have a little bit of pride, but good healthy pride, pride and like you know, there is healthy ego, Like, for instance, I.
Know who I am.
Sometimes it could be coming off as you're conceited. No, I'm just convinced of who I am and what I bring to the table. It's not to belittle anyone. It's not to make anyone feel less than or that I'm better than anyone. I think knowing that we're not better than anyone or worse, we're just right there. I think that's important to know. But knowing who you are and your values and your attributes and everything that even your intelligence. It's like, hey, like Kim, you can probably think, dude,
she's conceited. No, she's just confident. She knows who she is.
So there is it's all bound.
So what do I tell you guys on the podcast every time is everything is balanced, and that's how you'll be like, there's you got to balance it out. If there's too much ego, Dude, you got to bring that shit back because you do have to know who you are and what you bring to the table and all of your traits. It's important to know, but don't let that just become where it's way too much and you
think you're better than other people. So you, guys, thank you so much for listening to this, to this episode. I hope that I was able to teach you a little something. You know. It's still something that I'm working through and I'm learning every single day, and as I go and as I learn, I want to teach you guys, because again, knowledge is power and that's where. Now you guys know why I'm so freak compassionate about education.
And learning and always.
Learning something new, even if you already think you know everything is there's always.
Room to learn. And now you guys know why. It's my little trauma that I got. But anyways, you guys lets kiro much.
Thank you for listening, and I will catch you on the next episode of Cheeky's and Chill.
Ego is not your ego.
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