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whatever the cases, I want to hear from you. Remember these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're suffering from an issue or hardship, you should seek help from a qualified professional. All right, Now, go ahead and leave your question at the sound of the beat.
Hi, Cheeky's, This is Chess from Midland, Texas. I was just wanting to know how you were able to let go and move on from your first marriage, because looking back on the show and watching you guys from your first marriage, how you got proposed to from everything that went on is literally like me looking in the mirror of what happened with me. And to this day we are still together but live in separate houses. We're still married, I haven't got divorced, but we live in separate homes.
We always go back and forth with each other don't know how to stop. But we both know it's toxic. We both know it's not gonna work. Too much is thrown out there, what he did, what I did? How do you just let go?
Like?
How do you let go? How do you move forward without the what ifs and could have been better type of questions you keep asking yourself on the daily or trying to make it work? How do you just stop it knowing it's not going to work?
Hmm, Yes, that's a great question. It's hard. Bottom line, it's hard and it's gonna be hard. So I went through through a piece of hell for three months when I decided to let go and choose myself because you already said it. You know it's toxic, you both do, So that's that's that's a definition of insanity. When you keep doing something over and over thinking that you're gonna get a different result, that is a definition of insanity.
And google it.
So you are literally putting yourself in this situation just for the sake of I don't want him to be with anyone else, because I thought of all that, I know I'm not ready to see him with someone else, and I don't know what if he's he is happier without me, and all these things that were just making me sick. And I was saying in a situation that was not good for him and was not good for me because I wasn't allowing him to be himself who he wanted to be, and I wanted to control so
much and it was just so freaking stressful. It just wasn't good and it was very painful, but it was one of the best things I ever did. And I knew that I was going to go through pain, and I did, but I endured that pain and I went through it and I sucked it up and I cried and I yelled and I was depressed. I would sit on the couch and I was like, God, I cannot wait until I no longer love this person. I can't
wait till that day. And I thought it was never going to come, and it came, and I'm happy now. I think you need to choose yourself and you need to also think of him, and that's what I did. It's like, I'm not making him happy, I'm not allowing him to be who he wants to be, who he's meant to be, and that's not fair to him either. So I made a decision for myself, and also I loved him so much. I was like, I have to let him go. We're not meant for each other. And
I know this. So you guys are and excuse me, but you guys are in a toxic situation because you guys are still married but living separately but trying to make it work. But it's like I want to have my cake and eat it too, and that's just that's not a way to live. So you need to just make the decision and choose yourself and know, I'm gonna be in pain, and this is gonna hurt, and this is gonna be hard. But I can do this. If Cheeky's did it, I can do it. If other people
have done it, I can do it too. And you're not. But God and the universe and the higher Power will honor if you choose yourself and you just let go, let go and let God, and just know, God will bring me the person that is meant for me, a husband that's gonna want to live in the same home with me and cater to me and value me and rub my feet, not just this halfway thing one foot in, one foot out. That's not good. It's not healthy. That's just my opinion. You asked me, So I'm gonna be
real with you, So choose you. That's what I'm gonna tell you. Okay, next question comes from Anna.
Hey, Jikiz, I just want to say, first off, your book Forgiveness is one of the first ones I read during my self help journey. I've been through so much
myself from a very young age. I've helped my mom raise my siblings, and now I'm we're at a point where our relationship is kind of toxic and I think it's time maybe for me to start loving from afar because now that I'm sort of going through a self help therapy journey, she sees whenever I try to express myself as attacking her, and there's just no way to get through to people, I guess sometimes when they're close minded.
But I just wanted to get your opinion and see what do you think You know you do in those situations where it's your family, but you might have to cut it off, but now there's children involved that want to see their grandparents. Thank you so much for everything you do for the community.
Ooh Anna, thank you for reading my book, and thank you for taking the time, and thank you for loving me and all those beautiful things till your sister I said hello. Now, pertaining to your question, Anna, I say this a lot on the pod because it's I'm speaking from experience. I've had to, unfortunately love people in my family and my extended family from Afar. It's not an easy decision at all, but I just feel very strongly about that, you know, because it is your mom. We
do have to honor and respect our parents. But if you feel that your mom is causing you more pain than good, then it's okay for you to step back a little bit. Yes, kids are involved, and I don't think that the kids should be put in the middle. So in my opinion, I think that you should still allow the kids to see their grandparents, drop them off, pick them up. You don't have to go in there, you don't have to say hello. You can say from
hello from Afar. You can still be cordial. That doesn't mean that, you know, if you're wanting to create space, that doesn't mean that you can't say hello and be respectful to your mother, you know, because you have to also show that to your children that you're a respectful daughter. If you want to be respected as a mother, you know,
that's important. That's my personal opinion. Now, if your mom starts speaking about you in a bad way to your children, then you're going to have to make the decision of like, you know what, I don't like the way you're expressing yourself or the things that you're saying because you're not teaching my children something good and speaking bad about me.
Then then you can take that decision of saying, Okay, I'm gonna separate my children from you until they're old enough to make their own decisions to come and see you. But there has to be a reason, you know. That's just my opinion. That's my advice to you. If you
feel it in your heart, it's okay. It's okay for you to love from afar and still check on her, you know, but you don't have to go and have dinner or you know, be there at Christmas and stuff, because you're wanting to create a strong, stable home for your children as well, and that has a lot to do with how you feel and you want good energy around you. So that is what I think. And it is a hard decision, and she's not going to be
happy about it. But I think letting her know I'm going to create a little bit of space because you hurt my feelings or because it's hard for us to communicate, I think it's good. Or you don't say anything at all and you just create that little space. You know, but don't speak bad about your mother to your children. That don't do that. That's just my opinion. Again, do whatever you want, but that's just me being the big sister. Okay, guys. Last question comes from hove.
Hi Tiki. I am a huge fan of you and of your mom's Obviously, me and my sister have been listening to your mom's songs ever since I was like I want to say, nine, ten years old, and of yours since you started singing. I love a bet Rena. I love the amanthis too. Like I sing those songs with like full blast every time I'm going to work or whenever somebody does some shady shit to my siblings or me, I blast those songs hell aloud.
But I have a question.
In your show, chikisen Field throw you say that before things used to bug you, but ever since you found yourself, whatever other people say about you, it doesn't bug you anymore. My question is how did you find yourself? I don't really know who like myself is and I always get so pissed whenever any little inconvenience comes in. Thank you so much. I hope you have a great day. And I love your podcast as well.
Thank you, Havy. I love that you love my podcast and that you love my songs. That makes me so happy. Okay, So the journey to finding yourself is exactly that. It's a journey. It is something that is going to happen a lot throughout your life because we change so much. It's crazy because I feel like I stepped into my power literally two years ago, and it was around the time that I brought out Arena, and I just I
don't know how to even explain how it happened. I just remember reading a book, and the book saying that not to see your job as your job if not like a calling, like what you're meant to do and how you're helping people. And every time that you see things that way, and that's what really helps me. I'm like, okay, my purpose is to help, is to inspire and to empower.
Like it just I was like people that don't like me, like who cares but it took so long to get to that point, and I can't even tell you that it was just one specific thing. I think it just it happened with age, with maturity, with understanding that no matter what, I am meant to be here and I am meant to do what I'm doing, and even if some people don't agree with that, it's not my problem, it's theirs, you know. And of course I still get upset.
It just all depends, like if someone says something that's like out of line or like totally off the wall that I'm just like what it doesn't bother me the way I used to, But I'm just like, dude, why are people so mean?
You know?
Sometimes it's like, dude, like find get a life. You know, A person that's happy is not going to sit there and talk shit about you.
You know.
So anyways, it it's it takes time. It's like I said, it's a journey. And right now it's crazy because right now I'm going through another phase in my life where I'm like, Okay, I know what my calling is, but I kind of want to switch a little bit. So I'm going through another change. It's seasons in our life, so I can't even tell you when it happens, but it will happen the more you practice, Like I love myself, I love who I am. I know what my value is,
what I bring to the table in people's lives. And you know that you're living with intent, with good intentions to help others, to be a good human being on this earth. All of that just gives you so much confidence to just be you and step into your power and into your light, you know. So it's a little bit of a lot of things. So I don't know, I mean, I hopefully I you know, with what I said.
Something stuck, you know. But it's still even now, I'm still on this journey of like still trying to find myself in this new season of my life that I'm going to step into that I'm planning for. So just be patient with yourself and don't, as hard as it is, try to just oh, yulos, just keep focused on what you're doing. Hopefully I answered your question. Thank you happy. By the way, that concludes this episode, You guys of Dear Cheeky's, we had very very good questions. I hope
that I was able to help. And if you have a question you watching your listening. Please leave it at speakpipe dot com, slash cheesys, and show podcast. It could be about anything anything, my personal life, your life, your friend's life, whoever's I will give you the best advice I possibly could give you. Okay. This is a production
of iHeartRadio and Mike Withura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Mike Withdura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i q u y s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.