Dear Chiquis: Am I Ready to Love Again?

want to hear from you. Remember these are my thoughts in my opinions, and if you're suffering from a serious issue or hardship, you should seek help from a qualified professional. All right, now, go ahead and leave your message at the sound of the beeB.

was someone that you wanted to be with. I guess my question in general is I recently got out of a narcissistic, abusive relationship, and he dated five other girls at the same time, and we all came forward together, Me and the girls exchange stories. However, the group chat and all of them wasn't the best supportive. So knowledge I feel betrayed by him, but also by them, and I'm just trying to navigate this whole situation of betrayal and trust issues and try not to compare myself to

know when I'll be ready to date again. I'm lucky that I have great friends that are supporting me and helping me right now through this difficult time. But yeah, I just would like some big sister advice. But anyways, thanks girl, love.

done that, I was in a narcissistic relationship. I was in an emotional abusive relationship. I was in somewhat of a loveless relationship. So I completely understand, which is why when I met Emilio, I could say I was tainted, I was jaded, but I was very honest with him from the beginning. I said, hey, I am nowhere near ready to be in a relationship. I am heartbroken, I am healing, I am learning new things about myself, and I'm still not divorced. So there it is. I laid

it all out and he took it. He said, it's okay, it's fine. There's no reason why you need to heal by yourself. Because for a long time I thought I needed to be alone in order to heal, like I had no business being with anyone. And Emilio was like, very patient and said, this world is for us to love one another and have a partner and so on and so forth. So he kind of made me feel safe, and that's how I knew, well, this is a person I want to spend time with. For about two years,

I was back and forth. It was very difficult, and he was very patient, and he was in a lot of therapy, doing therapy weekly because I was still healing. But I was very honest, So you know, in my defense, I was honest and I was very straightforward, but he was patient. I think it just takes a person that is patient. But also, even if you don't have anyone right now, there's don't rush into anything. Take this time

to heal, to read, you know, self help books. I know they sound like, oh, there's such a cliche, but honestly they help. I love anything that's going to make my heart feel better, So meditate, go on hikes, do things that make you happy, take care of your body. All those things are going to make you feel better about yourself. So when that person comes, you accept it and you're more open to it. And I always tell people this, try becoming the person that you want to retract.

So if you want a responsible person, then you need to be responsible. If you want a healthy person, then you need to be healthy first. If you don't want someone that has addictions, then don't have addictions, you know, So become that person you're trying to attract while you're healing. So that is my suggestion, and that's what I did. I was doing that a little bit right before I met a medium and then you know, he helped me the rest of the way. You know, but I didn't

know I was ready. I was still healing. I just happened to have someone that was very patient, and because I was honest, it worked. So if someone does happen to come along the way and in your path, then just be honest and say here, this is where I'm at. And you also have to know what you won't tolerate. You have to tell that person from the very beginning so they know I'm not here to play games like either you are in with your two feet and not one foot in one foot out, or don't waste my time.

So that is my suggestion. Sorry, very long response, but I thought it was very important that you knew all of this. And thank you for your question, Christina. I appreciate it and I'm wishing you all the best. All right, next question guys from an anonymous listener. Let's see what they gotta say.

two other children. I stopped having a relationship with her because she hasn't apologized sincerely about any of the abuse or recognized that she did anything wrong. Even my own parents have said I should be the bigger person and forgive her and move on to have a relationship with her, because she's my sister. She has always been a lying, manipulative, and narcissistic person. I don't think she'll ever change or see that she did anything wrong. What would you do

if you were in my place? Would you move on and forgive her?

your healing process and your healing journey. I think you should forgive her, even if she doesn't ask for forgiveness, But that doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with her, And that doesn't mean that you're going to forget everything she did. I think forgiveness is for you. It's to liberate you and not carrying that around. I forgave my dad for sexually abusing me way before he

even asked me to forgive him. I chose that. I said, you know what, your sister has demons that she's fighting, that she has to fight the things that she needs to heal. Only she knows deep down inside why she did what she did and why she acts the way she acts, and she has things. I'm not saying she's a bad person, but she has things that she has to work through and you have to just understand that.

But that does not mean that you have to have a relationship with her because she hasn't accepted and that doesn't feel good. If someone doesn't validate you and you don't feel vindicated, you're just enabling their behavior and that's not okay. So I'm okay with you. I, as your big sister, give you permission to not talk to her. It's okay. She's not a person that is going to bring the best out in you. If anything, she's gonna

make you upset. It's going to bother you, especially if she hasn't apologized and accepted that she did something wrong. Not okay with that, It's not okay. And boundaries are good and they're healthy. So that is my opinion, and I'm so sorry. I wish your sister was a better sister, and one day she will realize, and hopefully it's not too late when she realizes what she did. But don't

close the door all the way. I would say, you know, have hope that she'll come around and apologize and become a better person all around, not only for you, but for her children, for herself. Let's pray for her. Let's send her love and light. Love and light to your sister, sending you a big hug. Okay, guys, let's go with Hopefully I'm pronouncing your name correctly, Kania.

and you're just like, this is who I am. I like myself, you are not worried about sounding dumb or like faking the funk. You know, because sometimes when you are in a group of people and they're talking about something that you may not even know what they're talking about.

I used to feel the same way. To be honest, I'd be like I don't even know, like sometimes about politics or cause I tend to forget things, and I don't know a lot about a lot of things, you know, So I used to just pretend or stay quiet, and now what I do is, oh what does that mean? I ask questions and I don't care if I sound dumb or they think that I don't know about things, like I'm like, well, it's better to ask a question and just say straight up like, oh, I don't know,

you know? Can you explain that? Can you elaborate? You know? And that's how you start a conversation, and then they'll go and tell you hey, and they'll explain it, hopefully. So I think it's all about getting out of your head and just being unapologetically yourself. I think that helps a lot, and just saying well, it's okay not to know everything, it's okay not to be like everyone else. I think it's just mainly getting out of our own head that gets in our way, and I think that'll

definitely help a lot. So hopefully that made sense, and hopefully that helps you. And thank you so much for your question, and just don't worry. Don't worry so much, just shake it off and start a conversation. And if you don't feel comfortable, you don't feel comfortable and you never know like if you just take the risk of talking to someone, it will open up another world for you. So do it unapologetically and do it even if you're scared. Do it scared. It's gonna be fine, I promise you.

And before I let you go, Knia, look, trust me, We're not the only ones and you're not the only one that feels that way. I think we are all in our head a lot. We all overthink, we all overanalyze. We all feel a little shy or intimidated in a new crowd or around people that we're not used to. So just know you're not alone in that. And just people know and have worked through it. And all you have to do is just work through it and it'll

be fine. You'll see. Just try it, all right, guys, So this one was just three questions, but don't worry, we have more of Dear Cheeky's for you very soon. Thank you all for your questions, Thank you for taking the time. I hope that my advice helped. Please keep us updated. I'd like to know what's going on, if my advice helped or not. And if you have a question, please leave your question at speakpipe dot com, slash Cheekys and Jail podcast. Okay, I love you, I appreciate you,

and I will see you here. I'll be waiting for you and your question.