Cheating and Dealing with Betrayal

you're cheated, the relationship is broken forever. It's going to take a lot of work, though, and you have to forgive and try to forget. Hello everyone, Happy Monday. Today is actually the last Monday in the month of June, and that means we're pretty much halfway through the year. I hope you're all doing great and counting your blessings if you didn't know, that's something I do every single morning, and I recommend you guys do it too. We have

a pretty interesting episode in store for you today. It's all about cheating in relationship. So let's get into it and do the damn thing. This is checks and chill. Alright, guys, So let's talk about cheating. It's obviously a major form of betrayal when you cheat on someone you supposedly care about, your violating their trust. I don't know if you guys know,

but I've been cheated on in the past. It's something I've talked about briefly in a recent interview, and I want to talk about it more here on my podcast because this is where I feel safe. So Wow, Like I said, cheating is definitely a form of betrayal. It is disrespectful. Obviously, there are people that feel that texting someone that you shouldn't be texting is cheating, Flirting is cheating. Basically, anything that you wouldn't want your partner to do you

should not be doing. And I completely agree with that. And I'm going to start off by first saying that, yes, I've been cheated on, but I also have cheated before you guys, and it's something that I'm not proud of. I was young and it definitely ruined the relationship. So let me go back. So, the first time I was cheated on that I knew of, that I found out was with my very first boyfriend, my former boyfriend, the one that I think I talked about a little bit

here um on one of the episodes. I was basically nineteen when I met him. We lasted like four years. We were engaged. We were going to get married in December, I believe of like two thousand six. Oh my gosh, yeah, I was December December sixteen, two thousand six, I remember precisely. So a lot happened. I'm telling you. I was young. I was very attached to my siblings, I was attached to my mom. I was afraid of marriage. Basically, I woke up one day and I said, I don't want

to get married. I told him on a Wednesday, I'll never forget. A month before getting married, we had the location, we had the honeymoon, I was getting my dress made, and I just woke up one Dana said I can't marry you. Like I'm not ready. I still want to be with you, but I'm not ready to get married. Of course, he was devastated, he was heartbroken. He was just like, how can you do this to me? Which I completely understand. I was just afraid. I was afraid

to leave the nest. I was afraid of not being there for my siblings, for my mom. And although my mom loved him and said he can move in with us, obviously he didn't want that He's like, no, we need to have our own home. But I was just very attached and that I think was the first big thing in our relationship. Um, he started acting different, and of course I got attention from someone else and I kissed him. Here's here's the thing. He never found out about that.

But I don't know if he listens to this podcast. Maybe his because I'm really cool with his wife now they have three boys, he's happily married. I'm very happy for him. Her and I are cool, so I'm sure she listens to it. I think so now he's going to know, but he doesn't know. And the reason I'm saying is because I don't want to talk about being cheated on and not first saying that I have also felt in this area. And anyways, I got some attention.

He was acting weird, as he should because I had just broken his heart and I just canceled our engagement, our wedding. I called it off, and he just wasn't being the same. And I got attention from someone. I went out to like a nightclub with my friends, and he was a very cute guy. He was a lot older than me, a lot older than him, and I don't know, I just I liked him. There was something about him. He flirted with me and gave me some attention.

We kissed and nothing went further than that, but we did kiss, and that's still cheating, you guys, even flirting. I was I was wrong, and again he didn't find out, but then he continued to act weird, and I found out that he had also gone out and met this girl at like, like I think I was working or so. Then I remember exactly why I wasn't with him that night, but I didn't go, and he went out and there

was a very pretty girl. She had black hair with green eyes, and I think I looked through his phone or something and he was texting this Girl'll never forget because we were baptizing his sister's son, who is still my godson. I love their family very much, and he was like on his phone and I'm like, he's been so weird, like ever since we like called off the engagement. He was acting very very different, and he was just like, not like it seems like at all into me. I

felt like he was a little disgusted. He was just very disappointed. But then I never will forget that he was just on his phone the entire time at the party, like the family was there, everything, and he was just in a corner texting. So I looked through his phone, and sure enough, he was talking to a girl, and I got her number, and of course I called her

and I spoke to her, and I was devastated. Mind you, I knew what I had done, but we were, I guess, doing the same thing at the same time, which means a relationship was over obviously, and he had just met her, I think, like two weeks ago, and she told me, Oh my god, I had no idea he had a girlfriend. He told me he was single. He told me that he had just broken up with his girl friend. But

the thing is her friend. I guess I knew who he was, had noticed him from, like I don't know where, but this friend of hers knew that he worked with my mom and that he was my boyfriend. So I think she knew. I don't know if she was lying, but legs skip they were talking. She said that they had only kissed, they hadn't had sex. It had only been two weeks that they had like been talking, and

apparently he's like, I could see myself marrying you. I could see myself having kids with you, this and this and that, and then she was at first really cool when I spoke to her, and then she became a bit and I was like, what the hell. Of course I was devastated. Of course I told him off. I was just like, how could you do this to me? This entire time, you guys, I was being a hypocrite because I knew what I had done. Obviously I didn't tell him, but of course either way, I was hurt.

I was just like, I can't believe you do this to me. I never in a million years thought that he would do that to me. He bought her flowers, he took her in our car. She's like, oh yeah, I was in his car and his BMW and your guys initials are on the head rest, and I'm like, oh my gosh, she's not lying. So she told me all these details. I like was obsessed with her. She was a beautiful girl, like fellow negro, like completely different from me. I have green eyes, but they're a little

bit like hers were like green green. So I was just like obsessed. I was like, oh my god. So of course we broke up for a little bit. He begged me and I just it was never the same. It was never the same. The relationship was over when him and I think him and I were actually I think I had just done the same thing, like maybe like a month before, you know what I mean. So it's like we were both, like I think, just trying to make it work because we were comfortable. But I

guess it was just over anyways. I forgave him, and I told myself, I'm gonna make him fall in love with me even more and I'm going to let him go when I'm ready. And that's not the right thing, but um, I was younger, and I'm admitting to it because I've learned so much from that situation that I feel like I ruined something good. And I've told you guys this before. He was a really great guy. He is a great guy. I love his family. I still

have communication with Michael mare her little boy. That's out a little boy anymore. He's like sixteen years old now. And you know, I learned from that situation at maslic Okay, you cheated on me, I'm gonna make you fall in love with me, and then I'm going to leave you. I never felt the same after that, and I basically broke up with him. I think we lasted maybe like a couple of months. It just didn't work out because it wasn't the same, and quite frankly, I was having

feelings for this other person. I had stopped talking to him after I was like, no, this isn't right. But then once we broke up him and I started talking again, he was no good for me, that other dude at all. I met him at a club. Okay, he was like a bouncer at a club. It's just it was not good. I needed to learn my lesson. So I feel like

I lost something good. And it was because I was young, because I was too attached to my family, and I'll never forget he told me, if you give so much for your family that one day, this is what he said, word for word he said, and I was like, no, that's never gonna happen. Like I'm gonna always be there for my mom, always going to be there for my siblings. And basically that relationship ended him and I tried maybe like a couple of years after, and it just didn't work.

It's just once you break that glass and that trust you, guys, just it's never the same. And now he's happy and everything happens for a reason, and I'm happy for him. And I learned myself that I don't ever want to treat someone that way because I was so focused on my siblings, on my mom, that I was not giving my relationship the place that it required, the place that

it deserved. And I learned because there were times on him and I were on our way to a date and we had things planned, my mom would call me or one of the kids, and I would just like drop it just to go, you know, to go help my mom or whatever. And because I felt for a long time that's what I had to do, you know what I mean. But I also always left him like well where do I stand? You know? And he was a good guy. He was loving to me, he was respectful.

I was just afraid, and I also did things that I think karma came back and bit me in the ass. So that's what happened with the first time I found out that they cheated on me, and that was tough. And from there I was like, Okay, I'm gonna make sure that in every relationship I am, if we break up, it's going to be because of them, not because of me, I'm gonna do what I can, and I'm gonna be good and I'm gonna be respectful. And then I met someone else, and he also cheated on me. So a

few years go bye, I meet someone else. I was with him for about four years and a half. I was determined to make the relationship work for many, many, many reasons. Uh, if you guys want to know you guys can read both of my books. I mentioned it in pradon or Forgiveness and in Unstoppable, so I talked about a little bit more in depth. But anyways, I was determined to make that relationship work. I was going to be the best girlfriend ever. I was not going

to cheat. I was afraid of what could come around and bite me in the ass. Like I had ruined that first relationship. I feel like I ruined it. Anyways, he also did his thing. You know, it wasn't right what he did, but I take responsibility for my part. And I was also afraid of him. I thought, oh my gosh, this guy. I don't know what he could do, you know what I mean. So I was faithful. I

gave my everything to the relationship. I wanted it to work because my mom did not approve of that relationship from the beginning, because he had five kids, because he had two baby mamas, so on and so forth, and I was determined. I was like, I'm gonna make this relationship work. And it did for a little while. It

was a very odd relations ship. If I look back now, everything that I've learned and now that how I've matured and I've grown as a woman, there's absolutely no way on earth that I would deal with half of the things I dealt with in that relationship now. But I was young, and to be honest, he helped me grow up in every way, So I'm grateful. He helped me grow up as a woman, as an artist. He taught me a lot of the business. He helped me a lot with Johnny, like a lot. So I'm grateful. He

has his business, he has his record label. And back then he had what you would call del models, And there was just a bunch of these girls, hot girls you know that would you know, take pictures with their merchandise, with the tanga, the whole thing. I knew a few of them. I was cool, I was cordial with them. They were nice to me, They knew who I was. They knew I was his girl, and basically he cheated on me with one of them. Again. I had his past code to his phone. He gave it to me

like pass code. He said, here, here's the past code. And I never really looked into the phone because I felt like, if he's giving it to me by himself without me asking, then he's probably not doing anything right. So I would never look at his phone, not even when he was asleep or anything like. I just I thought, oh my god, he gave me his past code. How

nice he has mine, Like there's nothing to hide. Anyways, we were at his office one day and he had mosticos there and a few friends and some of his friends girlfriends. We were all sitting together and he left his phone on the table and I got curious. He was drunk, and I just got the phone. I picked it up. This was, I want to say, two years

into the relationship. And I picked up the phone and I put in the past code and I just looked and then there was like an email that I was like, oh what, I wonder why this email is not registered? You know, it was in his text messages, so they were emailing from like texting. Should I say from an email. So I looked at it and there pops a picture of an ass, like you know, all these like provocative photos of this girl. And at first I didn't know

who it was. I just knew it was a girl obviously because it was it was an ass and some tits, you know. So I was like, oh my god. And then I saw his comments and how he said yummy and like put the tongue and like all these emojis, and they were like gonna meet up. I was supposed to fly out to Miami to do like a tribute to Selenam that weekend, and they were supposed to meet up while I was gone. So I read all of this.

Of course, I got furious because I'm like I basically I felt at that time that I had lost my relationship with my mom because I defended this relationship, and I just felt completely emotionally destroyed. Like I was like, what the hell is going on? I got crazy. I went up to him in front of all his friends. I choked him. I said, I can't believe you did this. I took his phone. I left. It got really bad,

you guys, really bad. I scratched up his car. He was kind of staying with me a little bit, like at my mom's house. He was helping me there. He helped me out a lot. You guys like, he wasn't like the type of guy that was like a freeload or anything. He was just stayed with me because Johnny was so young, and he really did help me a lot in so many things. Anyway, So he was staying with me a little bit at my mom's house, and

and he would help me financially there. And so I had some of his stuff, so I put it all in black bags. I stuffed it in his car. My plan was to take his car full of his stuff and just jam it and crashed it into his office. That was like gonna be my grand entrance. Thank God I never did that. That was in my thought. I was just very furious. I wrote up, scratched up his car. It got really bad. Anyways, With that being said, we broke up for a couple of months. This girl, this

is the thing. I was super disappointed because, unlike the first time that cheated on me, she said that she had no idea who I was. We don't know her friend knew who I was, but she says she did it. She said that she was under the impression that he was single. So okay, but this one they a girl worked at the office. I was there every other day. Everyone knew that I was his girl, and she was disrespecting me. So I took it more of like, you're disrespecting me as a woman, and I'm not going to

allow you to do that. Obviously, things changed after I forgave him when we got back together, because she wasn't a friend of mine, but I was cool with her. I was very nice to her. I knew her brother. Her brother and I went to school together, and there she was filling with my man was going to meet up with him. They were going to have sexual intercourse while I was gone working. I just couldn't understand. I was like, how is it that a girl could do this?

I was just more disappointed in her. Anyways, of course, we broke up. We boke. We broke up for like two months. I made him suffer because I was obviously devastated, and he did. He begged me and begged me every single day, Like I kid you, not like he begged me, and I forgave him. I forgave him because I was grateful with him because I wasn't ready to let him go because I loved him. But ever since that happened, everything changed within my heart, like it was just something

just changed and it was never the same again. And I think the same thing happened there where I was like, Okay, I'm not gonna let this other person, this other woman come and think that she's gonna quote unquote take what I've worked so hard for, because I had given so much that relationship and I helped him change so much, and he had already changed so much that I was like,

I've already put in so much work. I'm not just going to move out of the way for a girl to come in and just looking she has it easy, you know. So it was a little bit of ego in there as well. And of course, like everything I just mentioned, like I there was love, there was history. There was so much that had happened with my family, with my mom that I felt like I need to make this relationship work. And I tried, and again I

was still faithful. I did not cheat on him, even though he had cheated on me when we were broken up for those two muths. I met someone, but obviously that's not cheating because we were together, you know what I mean, he knew about it. He found out later. He wasn't happy about it, obviously, but I never cheated on him anyways. That I think was the beginning of the end for our relationship when I found that out

and it was hard to trust him. He really did make a lot of changes and said, you know, and it really felt like he wanted the relationship to work, but because he had done what he had done, he then didn't trust me because he felt that I was going to do that. It was his guilty conscious. So the relationship was just it was doomed to be honest from that moment on, and a lot of things changed in his office because of it, and a lot of

just things changed in the relationship. And anyways, it didn't work. The bottom line is that it did not work and the trust was lost. And I think trust is definitely earned, and I think he was doing what he could to make the relationship work and for me to earn his trust. But I think ultimately was his guilty conscience that ruined the relationship because he felt like, oh, she's out traveling, she's gonna cheat on me. Like it was constantly in the back of his mind, and that was a huge

part of why it didn't work out. One time, I was at the gym, and it's when I lived in Corona, and there was an older man and I told him about what was happening. He said, look, honey, I've been married for forty years. He said, I have cheated on my wife. And let me tell you. This is what he told me. He said, every man cheats at one point in their life. One of two things happens. Either they like it and they continue to do it, or they don't like it and they feel so bad that

they'll never do it again. He's like, but every man cheats at one point in their life. So I'm like, okay, well, maybe it's not gonna be on me, but maybe he cheated on his ex girlfriend and he learned his lesson and he won't cheat on me. It's kind of how I saw it, because it kind of did like mess me up a little bit. I'm like, well, that sucks, like, but I guess it's bound to happen. I like to think that there are faithful guys out there now with with Emilio. You know, you guys know that I'm in

a relationship and I have. I like to say, I think the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. To be honest, he's gone through his share of things. He also was treated on, he also cheated, and it also taught him what he wants in a woman and what he doesn't want. I think that's why our relationship works because we've both been through our share of relationships where we've hurt the person and they've hurt us, and now we're just like, Okay,

let's make this work. Let's be honest, let's put everything on the table. But I think it takes time and it takes experience to get to that point, you know, whether it be in the relationship that you're in and they've already cheated on you, you know, and you forgave them, and you guys, are moving past it and forward. Because here's the thing. I'm not going to tell you that if your partner treated or you're treated, the relationship is

broken forever. I think through therapy, through intention of you wanting to make it work, it can work. It's going to take a lot of work, though, and you have to the first thing is forgive and try to forget, because if you keep bringing that ship up all the time.

It's going to ruin the relationship. If you're going to forgive the person, forgive them and let it go, do your best to let it go and work past it and work together and make the changes necessary on both ends, on both sides to make the relationship work and move forward. For me personally, I think if Emilia were to cheat on me at this point, I would just have to

let go of the relationship. As much as it hurt me, I don't think I want to put myself through what I put myself in the past, like say, Okay, I'm gonna make this work. I'm gonna make them fall in love with me. I'm gonna make them, in a way suffer for what they did. You know what I mean, Like, I don't have time for that. I'm like more mature now. I don't have the energy, I don't have the time for it. And we both are on the same page.

If we were to cheat on each other, it's kind of like, okay, let's just part ways because the relationship won't be the same and we're we have to be okay with that decision. Now. I know of people that other celebrities and have forgiven there their partners for cheating and they moved past it and they're okay. Maybe I

don't know. I honestly don't know. But I think right now, if you were asking me right now, if I found out that the media cheated on me, right now, I would have to let go of the relationship because I just I don't want to deal with that, you know what I mean. And I don't want to put him through ship because I probably would like I would probably become a bit and i'd probably I won't be the same, I know myself, So why put him through that? And why put myself through that? You know? And he's also

told me I'm not going to deal with that. It would be done, so we have that mutual understanding. Anyways. Someone once asked me, is an emotional versus a physical cheating situation is one worse than the other. I think they're both bad, to be honest, I mean, I think it would hurt me more if my partner was emotionally involved with someone, you know what I mean, like versus

it be just a one night stand. I think both are bad, but I think it would be like the one with my very first boyfriend, he was emotionally involved with that girl, like he was talking about marriage, about children, about moving in together within two weeks. That killed me. That killed me because I'm like, dude, how like you know what I mean, Like what the hell? Like I was just I couldn't believe it. I really couldn't believe that. I think just like devastated me even more Versus with

like that other dude. It was more of like, let's just bone you know what I mean, Like it is what it is, is just have sex. It still hurt me, of course, but I feel like I was able to get over that one a little easier because I still stayed for two and a half years after that, Like

we still stay together anyways. I think, yeah, if you're gonna get if you're cheating on your partner and you're getting emotionally involved with someone else and you're giving them more attention than you're even giving your significant other, than you should not be in that relationship at all. You need to let go. There's something wrong. You're obviously not into your partner if you're emotionally involved with someone else.

That's something that I'm like, I cannot and if I could just give anyone advice, anyone that is listening that has been cheated on. I'm not one to tell you what to do. I can just speak from experience. And if you have been cheated on, and if you chose to forgive that person, that's admirable, Like I get it. Make sure that you are forgiving for the right reasons first and foremost, because that's something I didn't do. I was not forgiving for the right reasons. So make sure

you are forgiving for the right reasons. Children are involved, You have children together, you've been together for years. Obviously, you love that person and you want to make this work, and I think through therapy, and you both have to be on the same page. That person also has to want to go to therapy. And you're gonna know. You're gonna fill it in your heart when someone is completely sorry, but you'll know this person is really sorry, and no one should judge you if you decide to stay with

the person and forgive them. I think that relationships can work if both are putting in the same amount of effort to make it work. Just make sure that you forgive and you try to forget. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to forget. You can't keep bringing that thing up because it's just gonna create more dense and more cracks in the glass. It will eventually just break completely. Now, if you're the one cheating, you need to check your heart personally, That's what I feel.

You need to check and reflect and analyze the relationship you're in, because if you're doing that, then that means you're not happy, you're not attracted to the person you're with, or you're just greedy and you want that person. You want to have your cake and you want to eat it too. So I would just say leave the person you're with. If you want to cheat, leave them, not gonna. Don't hurt yourself and don't hurt them. That's just my personal advice. I'm telling you. I've been on both sides

of the spectrum, and it's not nice. I don't like to hurt anybody, and I don't want to be hurt, and I think we just need to treat people the way we want to be treated. We're not perfect. I asked for forgiveness. I'm like, God, forgive me, like I don't. I don't want to hurt people. I really don't like all those things that I did when I was younger, like it just taught me and it molded me to be the woman I am today. And the main thing is I want to be a positive force, a positive

addition to someone's life. I'm not here to hurt anybody, you know what I mean. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I want to be something good in their life, something that they can be proud of, like they had, you know, like my footprint. I was here and it's it's it was a good experience, you know, which is why I feel bad for what I did when I was three, you know what I mean. Like you're young,

You're dumb, I'm sorry, Like you're barely learning. But make sure that the things that you've done also teach you and you learn that lesson that you're meant to learn, so that moving forward and in your future, you can be happier and have peace in your heart and in your mind. I know everyone feels differently about whether or not you should stay with someone who has cheated, but I think everyone should make their decision and do what

they feel is right for them. So if your friends or family open up to you about it, just listen and support them and try not to judge them too harshly. That's just something that I truly believe. With that being said, we are going to close out the episode and give you, guys my motivational quote for this beautiful Monday. I actually have two quotes for you guys today. One is, breaking someone's trust is like crumbling up a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it over, but it's never going to

be the same. The next one is the secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new. Alright, guys, well, thank you so much for listening, for being here with me. I hope that you learned a little bit more about me from my mistakes, and a little bit for you for your future. For your present, Elsaki, I love you guys. Visit those and guys, I want to let you know there's a brand new way for us to keep in touch.

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