Big Sister Energy

can come with it. Because if you are the eldest, especially in a Latino family or a family with a lot of expectations, you already know it's not always easy. And as the oldest, I became a second mother before I was ready. I learned how to protect, provide, and perform even when I was hurting myself. I was the one they leaned on, the one they looked up to, the one who had to be okay even when I wasn't.

And I know those of you that are listening that are an el discibling, and even you don't have to be an el disibling. You could be a middle child or the baby, and you feel this way. This is just my personal experience and I wanted to talk about this because I haven't going through it. To be honest, and you guys know that I am always very transparent and honest and I share everything with you guys. And I thought about it twice, three times, four times, so

many times should I share this? And it's not anything bad. I think, if anything, it might resonate with you guys, and maybe you guys can give me some advice if you guys have gone through it yourself, so I'd love to hear from you guys as well. Anyway, I'm going to be short with this because I don't want to get into too much detail because I want to also

protect my siblings and their privacy. But we are definitely going through a shift, and mind you, I am a person that's very in tune connected to my feelings, a cancer, I wear my emotions on my sleeve. And I've been talking to you guys on the podcast about the shift that I've been feeling since last year, and never did

I expect it would happen with my siblings. It was a huge surprise for me, and just trying to get the words out makes my voice crack a little bit because it's been something that's been so so hard to accept, to understand, to adapt to. It's something so foreign to me, but we had a little rough patch, and it seems that things are getting better. We just never had a rough patch like this. Mind you, We've had arguments, disagreements, but we always found our way back to each other.

And this time it's been a little different. And I'm talking about all of us. It's five siblings, and I don't know if it's because of all the stress that I had this year with just so many things going on. But I tried something different with them and it didn't work. And I'll get into that in a little bit, but basically, we couldn't agree on something. I think Johnny was the one that brought something up in our group chat and one of the siblings, two of the siblings, and I

won't say names. I just again I want to protect their privacy and I didn't even ask them if I can talk about this, but this is who I am, and they know their sister has a podcast and I'm very honest, so I'm going to talk about it. AnyWho. So two of the siblings didn't agree with something that Johnny was saying, and I felt that he was being attacked for the lack of a better word, and of course that motherly instinct that I have kind of I went out to defend him, not thinking how it was

going to hurt my other siblings. So then all of a sudden they were mad at me, and then I got mad and I was tough, something that I've never done. When I say tough, I was just more assertive. And I think this comes with the people pleasing that I always talk about on the podcast. I've always dealt with an issue of people pleasing, and I've been trying to get out of it, and I feel like I've been able to do it in every other area of my life. But that last piece was my siblings, and I was like, no,

this isn't fair. I feel like they're being unfair and I don't like it and they hurt my feelings and I don't like that the siblings don't talk. So I was just very assertive. I'm like, you guys, basically get your shit together, you know. I sent each of them a message, a long voice note, very long I love voice notes, so very long voice notes to all of them. I got responses from some, not from others, and it was like that for a long time. It even got in the way of Easter. I mean it just crazy,

and I was absolutely heartbroken. I don't think I've cried so much, you guys, in so damn long. I was crying so much. Emdial didn't know what to do. He's like, what is happening. All he's ever known is how close I am to my siblings. And he would even tell me like, I don't want to say much. I'm just gonna be here if you need a hug. But this

is also weird for me. This is immedial talking because all I've ever known is you being so close to them, and I've been trying to make sense of everything, and in my moment of prayer and meditating, I just realized that things are changing. And I talk about change so much, and I always say how change is uncomfortable, how growing pains hurt. And with shifts because you want to elevate, you know, the ground beneath you shakes, that's a shift.

And it's okay. I'm barely now, like a month later, maybe no, actually no, it's been like two months, guys. This has been going on for a while, and now I am coming to the realization that it is okay. Like I just did. I guess I didn't realize that this would happen with my siblings, and I I wasn't

expecting it. I wasn't ready. But now I'm realizing that it is okay, that maybe this needed to happen so that I can make space for my marriage, for my baby hopefully, and they're growing and they need to spread their wings and we can't always be attached at the hip. Are we closer than a lot of other siblings. Yes, absolutely, thank God. And I hope that with time we all adjust to this new dynamic. But it sucked, and I'm like,

oh my gosh, I swear I had moments fro. I'm like, when when am I gonna just like be able to chill? And like, I don't know. You always think, Okay, this is the year all my problems are gone, and I'm like, no, I should know better. Like life is a roller coaster. You have ups and downs, and that's just what it is.

We are evolving creatures. And the reason I want to bring this up is because I talk a lot about change and shifts and a roll coaster of emotions and how we are evolving creatures and we're always going to face something and I want you guys to know that I go through it too, even with people I didn't expect to go through it with. And I'm human just

like you guys. And this is why I love having my podcast, because as I speak to you guys, as I'm hopefully helping you guys figure things out, it's also helping me, like just release and I am happy to say that we are definitely in a better place. Things are moving forward, just differently. And I think the one that needed to realize that was Jinny. I had always been the glue, that's all I was taught you guys to be the glue to bring us back together, to

reel them in. If they argue, let them argue, but don't let it go too long. Now I have to step back and just let them be. And it's so hard. It's so hard because I'm like, oh, I know the road you're going down. I was there. I don't want you to make the same mistake. Just listen, listen to me.

And it's like I want to put all these stop signs everywhere and say, wait, let me prevent you from getting hurt because I've been there, because I've done that, because I've made mistakes and I love them so much that I don't want them to make the same mistakes, but I have to just down on the sideline and let them grow and let them learn without judgment, without being too hard, without being that overbearing sister that I was taught to be. And it was very hard because

I was a second mother to all of them. And I think I was feeling for a long time like that sucks when we were in the thick of it, you know, when I was just like crying, like I am now. But I think what really hurt me was, Okay, I'm good to do all these things for you guys, and I'm like a second mother and whenever you need advice or whenever you need something like, I'm there and

I would do it without thinking I'm not complaining. But also when I have something to say that I don't agree with, you guys don't like it, and that hurt my feelings. But I'm like, okay, I know I love them. Because at first I was like, you know what, if this, I'm just going to create space and if that means that they're not going to be in my life, then

so be it. I'm just gonna let them be. But then I realized that for a day I felt fine, and then at night when I was alone and in my own thoughts, I'm like, dude, no, what is a life without my siblings? That's all I know. So I'm like, I need to adjust. I need to reassess this. I need to reflect and analyze the situation and just understand that I can't save them from everything, and I need, and not even need, I want to be in their life. So if there are boundaries now, then I need to

respect those boundaries. And I have to have my own boundaries so that I can protect my own inner piece. And that's okay, that's part of growing, you know. But it was very difficult because all I would hear for so long in my head was my mother, keep your siblings united, keep them together, don't let them or you guys turn into what my siblings and I were, because you know, they had their arguments and their share of stuff that I don't want to get into. But my mom,

these are real conversations that I had. So many times. I had these conversations with my mom about how she expected me to keep us together. So for a long time, there was like this tug of war within me because I think I told you guys on the podcast. But when I went to Monterrey to where my mom's plane crashed and we did that hike up the mountain, I remember feeling so much peace when we got there to where the plane crashed, you know, to the actual like spot,

and I remember feeling so much peace. It was crazy because I was expecting to feel something different, like maybe heavy energy, but there it was so beautiful up there, you guys. I felt so much peace and it just made me feel peace that my mom was good and I didn't cry, which was like, I'm like, what's going on with me? But I felt like that was part of my healing. But anyway, the reason I'm sharing this is because I also felt and heard and I don't even know how to explain it, but I know it

was my mom or it was God. But what I heard and the only thing I heard when I was up there was it's okay to let go. And I'm like, let go, okay, and it's like I understood it, but not to the depth that I understand now. Now I look back and I'm like, whoa, huh, that's that was my mom telling me you did your job. It's okay to let go let them be. You did your job.

Like now, I mean, that was a whole last year ago, you guys, more than a year ago, and it's all barely just making complete, one hundred percent sense because I think again, my mom, the way she always did, was preparing me for I think this moment, and I want to talk to all the older sisters or all the siblings, not only sisters, but brothers and people that have had and have carried their family on their shoulders. I don't regret it, and I'm sure you don't either, but we

don't have to carry that anymore. Like there are certain things that were made our responsibility and we did out of love. But time passes, things change, and it is okay to take that backpack off and set it down. You're not throwing it away, you're not burning it. But if it gets too heavy, it's okay for you to take it off your shoulders and set it down and leave it there and let it be. And that's it. And I like, again, I never thought that this would happen.

And it wasn't anything horrible that happened between us. It was just a simple disagreement and something that I wasn't okay with and I voiced my opinion, and since they're not used to that because I always just want to keep the peace with them. When I did speak up, it was kind of like, okay, wait, now you're trying

to like I don't know. So I was talking to my sister Jackie today this morning, and we were talking about this situation, and she told me a lot of things and we talked and it was very nice because she took the time to call me and she apologized, and I apologize about certain things. And again, this was with all of us. There was just a craziness between all of us. And she realized and she did say, you know, she did I did hear the change in

your voice. Because let me backtrack, I caved in, even though I had told myself, no, I'm gonna let them come to me for once, because I'm always the one going I'm always the one keeping us together, and I wanted to see, to be honest, Okay, if it's not me calling them family meeting, if it's not me ya mandola la lente, you know, telling them, hey, guys, I'm like,

I wonder who it would be. And I was hoping one of them would say, okay, guys, we need to sit down and talk, because that's what my mom and I taught them. And I was tired. I was like, I'm going through my own stuff and I'm like, you know what, like I want them to make the effort, and they didn't for whatever reason. You know, they each have their own feelings, and I validate them because there are things that I agree with with each of them

and things that I don't agree with as well. Anyway, I had told myself that I wasn't but I did. At a very long drive and I was listening to music, and I sent them three songs. I said, Hey, these are songs that I dedicate you guys that every time I listen to I think of you guys. I'll share the songs with you guys. The first one ISO by Carla Morrison. The other one is Better Together by Jack Johnson, such a good song. And the third one is I Hope You Dance by Leanne Womack. I hope I'm pronouncing

her last name correctly. But those songs, every time I listen to them, I think of them. And I just said, you know what, I'm going to put my pride, my ego to the side. It doesn't fit here. I have to make a decision because I was just so in my head. I'm like, no, no, no, I want them to appreciate me, and I want them to come and look for me like I deserve that, like I've been a good sister, and like here, I am just talking myself up, you know. And until finally I said, you

know what, if that it's okay. I know that things are going to change, and that's fine. I need to again learn relearn, because these are people that I love and people that I want in my life, so they're worth it. So I sent it and I just apologized for my part, and I said, hey, I'm sorry, you know if I was too rough, if I was angry, because I was a little angry, and I just realized at that moment that the best thing we could do, guys,

is to lead by love. And that does not mean that you need to keep putting yourself to the side. If people are crossing your boundaries, if people are hurting your feelings, if you do feel unappreciated. I've always told you, guys, if someone is worse for you than good or better, then it's okay. Way for you to love people from afar doesn't matter who they are. But I know my siblings have a great heart. I raise them my mom and I raise them. I know they have good hearts.

They're just growing up. They're all doing their own thing. They're starting families, they're starting careers, they're doing their own thing. And whether I agree with certain things or not, it's not my place. It's not my business because they're all way and well over eighteen years old. And I also have to learn to say, you know what, Yeah, I love you guys. I'm here when you need me, and

that's it. And it took me a while to understand that, which is why I had this in my heart to talk to you guys about this, because I was like, this is something that's weighing on me and I just need people to hear me out. And I just, quite frankly, like I just needed a like my own little therapy session. I haven't been able to do therapy, and these are the results. My therapist has been traveling, I've been busy, so we haven't been able to find some time in

our schedule. So you guys are my therapy. You and this Mike, this portion of the Cheeky's and Chill podcast is presented by T Mobile. Stay connected to your loved ones with T Mobile, no matter the distance. T Mobile knows that all of us want to stay well connected, always keeping you close alosos. Anybody who knows me knows how important family is to me. My siblings, Jackie, Mikey, Jenica, Johnny, and my nieces and nephew and now my husband Emilio are my entire world. But it's not enough to say

they're important. I like to show it too. That's why I'm constantly checking in on them with the help of technology, whether we're exchanging cheeseman in our group chat, spending hours on the phone together, sending dozens of voice notes back and forth, or supporting each other on social media. The people who are most important to me are just to call, text or video chat away. And speaking of video chats, we just had a really important one the other day.

As you guys know, my sister Jackie recently released her album in Otra Vidra. You haven't checked it out, you should go listen to it now. Anyway, she invited all of my siblings to her album listening party. Unfortunately, our brother Mikey couldn't make it. Anda Arachndo, but since it is twenty twenty five, we weren't gonna let that get in the way of making him a part of the celebration because we all liked to be included. So Jenica video chatted Mikey and he was able to listen and

enjoy the entire album with us. It was so nice. He took pictures with us. We cried together, we laughed together. It was just so beautiful, and I loved that. It was a very intimate event and he needed to be there.

So thank god we were able to do that, because if not, he would have been really bummed out, And which reminds me of a time that I almost got bummed out because my sister Jackie was giving birth to my nephew Jordan, and I was working and I told them, do not let me miss this, so they video chatted me, and I was so happy to be there with her as she was huffing and puffing and she was going through every contraction, and even though I wasn't there physically,

I felt like I could hold her hand kind of like through the phone. So it was a very beautiful moment because like, who likes to be left out? So even though we can't always be together in person, today's technology like my smartphone or tablet helps us feel like we're constantly connected, so the next time we're catching up in person, it feels like we never missed a beat. You've been listening to the Cheekys and Chill podcasts presented

by T Mobile. T Mobile knows that all of us want to stay well connected, always keeping you close aloss. But if I can give you, guys, any advice, my fellow, let's start off with the fellow eldest siblings. I see you. If you're tired, I get it. If you feel and appreciate it, sometimes you're not alone. And if you're struggling to find yourself beyond the role you've played your whole life, it's okay. You get to be a whole person too, not just the strong one, not just the dependable one.

You get to heal, to be soft and to be seene. And now, if I can give my younger siblings, whether it be the middle, the youngest, just the ones that aren't the eldest, I just want you, guys to I always try to do this, and I tell people this, just try to put yourself in the other person's shoes like that helps so much. That's helped me a lot to just understand what the other person is going through.

And I know this because I speak to a lot of older siblings and whether it be men or women, and they all feel the same way where we feel this pressure from our parents have to be the example. And I think that that's all beautiful and I'm so grateful with my mother. I wouldn't change a thing. Actually, I would not have a problem with doing it all over again, like if I had to. And that meant that I have the same siblings. I love them to fucking pieces, and sometimes I wish that they knew how

much I love them. And speaking to the younger ones, don't take what we tell you guys. Again, we have to work sometimes on our delivery because we're kind of like parents, you know, and we kind of sometimes say things in harsh ways. But just know that it's coming from a good place, that we absolutely want the best for you guys, that we have your best interests at heart. We truly, truly do. It's just how we deliver our message.

I think that we need to work on And I tried something different and it didn't work for me, and that's okay. I just went back to what I know, which is what I tell you guys anyway, is always lead with love and put your right foot forward and be gracefully assertive. What does that mean? You can be honest and straightforward with the person, but just do it with love and with ease. There's no reason to cuss, there's no reason to scream. You know, when you speak

from the heart, it reaches a heart. So anyway, so the younger siblings just have some compassion, like you know, I know sometimes we could be a little rough on the edges, but I promise you we want the best for you. And anyway, that was a whole lot, guys. Thank you for letting me unload. But hopefully this does resonate with you guys, and hopefully you guys, with me opening up my heart to you, you can see where

I'm coming from. And it's not to take it personal with any of my siblings, So please don't because I'm still that sister that'll come and kick someone's ass. And I'm just kidding. But you know, I love my siblings and everything's fine. I just things are changing, guys, and that's okay, and that's what it is, and I'm coming to terms with it. Still, there's so much happening, guys. I don't know if it's because my birthdays around the corner or what, but I just wanted to share. And

I'm healing. Guys. We're on this healing journey and this is part of it, and I'm still trying to understand it and find my place in this new and not only with my siblings, in my personal life, but also in my career. Is just so much happening. But one thing that stays the same is my podcast. I love speaking to you, guys, and I love hearing from you guys, and I'm so grateful. My heart is full because I love that you guys leave me comments and are loving

everything I talk about. Okay, I'm gonna be quiet now. I hope you guys have an amazing day. I love you. I'm sending you a big hug, and send me a lot of healing energy, please, a lot of positive energy. Send me hugs and kisses, virtual hugs and kisses. I love you, guys, and I'm sending you one back. Have a beautiful day, and I'll see you here. On the next episode of Cheeky's and chill your favorite podcast don't forget. This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Micudora podcast Network.

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