2024 Milestone Recap: Opening Up About My Miscarriage

And also I had to make it very public. And I think the only reason I made it public in reality was because of the circumstances of how it happened. I think if it would have been during the week, I probably wouldn't have said anything because I wanted to keep it to myself. So let me just go back to how everything happened. How I even got pregnant. It happened naturally, you guys. I was very surprised. I was very shocked. I found out May thirteenth that I was pregnant.

It was the day that I was leaving to New York because I had to go to some upfronts in New York for my docu. And I was only two days late. And I'm pretty regular, despite like endometriosis, like I'm very regular. I'm very in tune with my body. So I had just really noticed more than anything, like I didn't feel like my boobs weren't tender. I wasn't

really having any symptoms. I was just very irritable and I didn't know that was a symptom until I started googling, because I was a Google freak during the time that I was pregnant. So anyways, I had only been two days. I told Kimberly, my assistant. I was like, Hey, just do me a favor on your way to work, just bring me a pregnancy testion and ask any questions. I didn't even tell me. I was just like, I've taken pregnancy test before. I'm gonna be fine. I don't feel

anything like you know, I'm fine. So Emilia and I were like saying our goodbyes, and I was like, oh, wait, I got a pee. Let me just grab one of these. And he's like, what are you doing? And I'm like oh, anyways, and I just kept going on with my conversation because I was telling him something and I was just like very just casually just paying on the stick. And because again I really didn't think it was going to come out positive, and he's like, babe, what do you do.

He's just like looking at me and like watching me pee, and I'm still talking. I'm like yeah, and I'm opening the package and I'm paying and like I pee on it and like wipe, and I do the whole thing. I put it to the side, and then I'm like yeah, babe, and he's like, are you okay. I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. I'm just taking a pregnancy just to make sure. And he's like okay. So his face completely changed, like what

is going on? Because I didn't tell him. So anyways, I go back into the restroom before I'm about to walk out the door and to leave to New York because he wasn't going with me on that trip, and it said positive and it was a box of three. So I was like, oh my god. I was the first thing I said. I was like f I was like, are you f in kidding mer Ay, You're fucking kidding me, That's what I said. And he's like what happened. I'm like, look at this. I was like, no, this has to

be wrong. He's like, well, take another one. I was like okay. So I started chugging water and I was like, oh, I gotta go. I'm already laid to the airport and I chugged a whole like a bottle of water and there I am sitting and waiting till I have to pee, and I and it was one. The first one that I took had like it was the lines. It wasn't the one that said pregnant, right. So the second one I took, it was the one that was either going

to say not pregnant or pregnant. So I was like, Okay, this is really going to help me put things into perspective. Maybe the first one is like a like a faulty one. I don't know. So I took it and sure enough I said pregnant, and I was like, okay. I was like something's off. I was like, I have a plan for this year. The plan is to work work, work, work, and then at the end of the year, we're going to figure it out. We're going to decide after we've

been married, the whole thing. So I was like in shock, complete shock. I almost felt sick because I was like, oh my gosh, I'm about to start my tour. What is happening? And I remember before I left, I looked up and I was like, God, you're funny. I remember saying that, like those were my exact words, and a me. He was like, are you okay. I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. I'm gonna take this last one with me and I'll take it to New York. I gotta go. He said, babar,

are you fine. I was like, I'm fine. He walks out the door. I didn't know this until after, but he told Kimberly, my assistant, He's like, take care of her please. She didn't know what was going on, and she had asked me a little bit earlier. She was actually the one that reminded me to take the test because I had forgot. She say, hey, did you take the test? Are you good? I'm like, oh shit, no, I haven't yet, but I will. And that's what, like, you know, reminded me to take the tests. So anyways,

I didn't say anything. I'm sitting in the car and I'm just like, oh my gosh, this is this is no, this is crazy, like what the heck. Anyways, we get to New York. I take that test the second the third test, should I say? And it said negative? When I was in New York it said negative, and I was like, look, babe, look negative. He's like okay. He starts googling, and it's like okay. Sometimes it's more common for it to be for to have a false negative

than a false positive. That's I guess what he researched. So anyways, he's like, go get another box. So then I go send. I said, Kim, go get another box in New York. I was like, maybe this one was like a weird box. I was like, oh, get another box. So she did, and I took the tests and they both came out positive. And I called my Obi and I said, hey, I know we talked about this plan.

I just got a paps. We just removed the the you know, the polyups, because she did tell me, she's like, hey, once we remove these poll ups, it just opens everything up, so be careful. And it had been three years you guys having unprotected sex with Emilio and I wouldn't get pregnant. So I thought, okay, we did the IVF. We're good, We're chilling. I told my Obi, hey, is what's going on? I need an appointment. So she was wonderful enough to give me an appointment as soon as I landed, so I

left it on a Wednesday. Everything in New York. People were asking me on the red carpet, you know, hey, when are you going to be a mom? And I was just like, I feel like I'm lying. I was like, I don't know. Whenever God wants. But I was like, literally, I was like, I'm lying right now. I was like, because of course I'm not going to tell him. It's way too early. I don't even know what's going on, and you like draw blood. I was freaking out, like I felt like the entire time I was in New York.

I wasn't like there. I was just so in my head. I had to do a video shoot and I was like, oh my god, Like but of course I was googling can I eat this? Can I drink this? I stopped drinking coffee, I stopped eating Deli meat. I like, from one day to another, you guys like I had just been the week before in Miami getting drunk on a yacht and I was like, oh my god, I was pregnant. Oh my god. Like I started feeling guilty right away, and then I'm like, okay, no, it's okay. The good

thing is like I you know, I found out. So anyways, I was just like everywhere in my head in New York. Finally get home. The next day, I had the appointment and they did an ultrasound. They drew blood and the ultrasound showed a little cute sack. They're like in the sack, there's nothing there yet, like it still has to drop, and like the implantation and the whole thing. Like, okay, you know, they gave me an appointment for you know,

like two weeks. And anyways, we got confirmation and Amelia was like, I just need to know, like, tell me, is she pregnant. She's like, yes, she is pregnant. Emilio, this is really happening. So our lives changed from one day to another. You guys, I'm not gonna lie. I was freaking out. I actually have videos that I was already making for the baby. I did like a vlog thing and I can't watch the videos right now. But I went from being so freaking scared, I was kind

of upset. I'm not gonna lie, and I feel a little guilty talking about this, but you guys know I'm always real with you, and that's the only way that I can be. But I was a little upset. At first, I was very I was thinking of everything in a very negative or should I say in a selfish way, because I had my year planned. You know. We went

to Kabo for a Milo's birthday. The following week after we got we found out we were pregnant, and I had this I got this particular room so that we can have fun and get drunk together and the whole thing. And it just like I was in Cabo, in this beautiful resort, celebrating in Milo's birthday, and I was upset because he got buzzed and I couldn't and I was just like, what is happening? Like why is this happening? And I was a little bothered. I cried so much

in Cabbo. I was just like, God, like what's happening. I'm going to start my tour, like you knew the plan. Like I'm like, I had this plan of just my birthday and our marriage and like this whole thing. So I now I feel even more guilty because I'm like, did I cause this? You know? But then I got really excited. I went from being so scared to upset to being so excited. I feel like I was a

really good pregnant woman because I wasn't having sushi. I was at the Noble Hotel in Kabo, Saint Lucas, and I love sushi, and I was like, I'm not having it. There were friends or I would like look, and I asked one particular person. I was like, hey, I didn't tell her I was pregnant, but I was like, hey, did you have sushi? Did you drink coffee when you were pregnant? And some would say yes, some would say no, but like are you pregnant. I'm like no, I'm just

asking for a friend. Now they're probably like, oh, bitch, you were pregnant. But I stopped everything you guys, I stopped drinking coffee I didn't have. I was like cold turkey. And then I started thinking like, oh my god, God was preparing me for this. The first three months of the year, for ninety days, I was sober. I stopped like all these things. I was like, I feel like

God was preparing me for this moment. And then I went into like this super woman feeling of I kept working out and I felt fine and my obi was like, yes, you can work out, Like, don't lift anything heavy other than twenty pounds, but you can still do your thing. And I was like, okay, and I felt like I had more energy in the weirdest way. There were times where I would get tired and I was like, I

need a nap, But I felt like superwoman. I was like, oh my god, I'm I'm like God is giving me everything, like I'm pregnant. It happened naturally and as scared as I am, but I can go on tour. Like I felt like a superwoman and I'm like, oh my god, I'm like I kept telling myself in my meditation, I'm capable. I'm capable, Like I don't have to stop doing anything that I'm doing because my body is doing this. So

I had all these emotions. So then I got really excited and like Emilio and I were even doing, like I said, videos for the baby, doing vlogs. I did win in Cowbo. I did want any moment. Even when I was feeling sad and nervous, I was like talking to the baby and like hey, like this is how

I'm feeling today. So I was really excited, and I bought all the books and I bought an anti radiation blanket for the airplane because I was like, I want to protect the baby, and I was like I was excited and anyways, I didn't think I was gonna get so emotional. But then I went on tour and my obie is amazing, by the way, like any question I had,

she would answer at any time. And I was googling everything, like I was obsessed with Google how to erase, you know, like when you google things and then the tabs are open. Everything I had to do with babies. My whole freaking feed is baby stuff because that's all I was searching, and I had to like close everything out. I was like, I just for my healing process right now, I just need to just keep that hidden for right now. But anyways,

I went on tour. I the first day of tour was very very very very stress very stressful, very over me. But the show went amazing. The show went amazing. I was wearing very high heels. My doctor just said, don't just be careful. You're fine to do your show. Just don't fall. Be careful coming down the stairs because now I have stairs, you know, like for my show. So everything went great. I felt so freaking like I felt like I was glowing on that first show, I felt

so powerful. I felt like invincible, And of course I had like a bottle that showed that I was like drinking alcohol, but I wasn't. It was nothing but water. And I was nervous to start also my tour because I'm used to drinking at my shows, like it makes it very fun for me, and I'm like, Okay. Even with that, I was like, God is really trying to bring out the best version of myself with this pregnancy.

So even though I had all these plans and I wanted to kind of like, you know, be a little crazy this year for the rest of the year, because I took that ninety day break and then the plan was to just party it out, you know, the rest of the year. So anyways, with that, I was even like, damn, it's gonna be weird. Am I going to do good at my show? And I did and it went freaking amazing, and I felt like my voice was on point. Everything was just so good and I didn't feel anything that day.

Everything was fine. I had so much energy. As soon as I got off of stage and we drove home from San Diego two hours and Emilio and I were up and I took a thirty minute nap and I was fine, had so much energy. I was excited for

the next show. We file out to Albuquerque, and you know, just to backtrack a little bit, like I went from, like I said, being scared and being upset to I woke up one morning and in my devotional it said something about taking yourself, like stop thinking about everything that you're missing and stop thinking about it in an egocentric way and think about what the one is. Obviously my devotion doesn't know what I'm talking about what's going on with me in my personal life, like I'm pregnant, but

it completely changed everything for me. So again it just kind of set everything for me. And going into the tour, I was excited. I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna be that like pregnant woman on tour and it's gonna beautiful. So I started just accepting and I was so excited. So anyways, we get to Albuquerque, everything was fine. We were already like planning where we're gonna go eat.

I was excited. I wanted barbecue. As soon as we got to like New Mexico and I go into the restroom and there's like a spot and I'm like, oh my god. Immediately, like I just my heart dropped. I'm like, oh my god. I was like, oh my my whole like, oh this shit. I told the media shit and not say anything. I just couldn't. Like, I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna start crying, like and I was like, okay, I'm gonna keep my cool, and I just I wiped my tears and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna walk out.

But as soon as I saw a medio, he saw it all over my face. He's like, what's wrong. And I said, oh my god, I'm bleeding. And I just started crying in the middle of the airport. I was like, I'm bleeding. I was like freaking out, and He's like relax, Like he's so good at staying calm, even though like now I know he wasn't. He wanted to break down himself, but he was so good with staying strong for me because I was freaking out, you guys. And then I

told Kim. I was like, Kim, like I'm bleeding. She's like, okay, it's fine, Like she started researching. He started researching, and then everything online said that it's okay that spotting is normal. So I said, okay, cool, I don't have any cramping. There are any like cloths, any blood clouds, so I'm good. So it was just a very little amount of blood.

I called my Obie and she's like, it's okay, just no working out, don't work out tomorrow or today, like, go to your hotel room, put your legs up, just relax. So we went to go eat. I did that. Everything was fine. I didn't have any cramping. The next morning, the blood started getting a little bit more. It started kind of looking like a period, but they again everything online.

My Obi said it's fine. I felt fine to go, you know, to sound check and start getting ready for the show, and so I did, and then I went. I did sound check, and I was really excited. I was so excited, you guys for the show because I felt like I didn't feel the pressure of the first show. And then the venue was amazing, the energy was so beautiful.

I was so freaking excited, you guys. And in the middle of soundcheck, I started getting really bad cramps and I was like, damn, But I kept with, you know, with soundcheck, and we did a few songs. We did like maybe forty minutes of soundcheck and it started getting hard to walk. I was like, oh my gosh, something feels weird. I went right when I got off stage to start getting like finished getting ready. I went into the restroom. I said he yeah, yeah. I was like

I don't. I didn't. I was like, I gotta go check if I'm bleeding more, what's going on? Oh you guys. And that's where it started. I went to the bathroom and that's when I saw a blood clot and I fucking went bananas. I was devastated. I was like fuck, like, oh my god, it's happening. I was crying. I haven't cried. I think the last time I cried like that was when I lost my mom, like that, like yelling. I was like no, I was like oh, and I thought

what did I do wrong? Like I was like damn it, Like I stopped everything, Like I was like maybe because I was jumping at my show yesterday, like I was like, oh my god, or the other night, like I was like oh. And then I was like call Emilio and he kept his cool. But I was a mess. I was a mess, and the pain started just coming and I was like, damn it. I was and I knew it. I knew what was happening. And I told my Obi and she says, are you okay? And I'm like, no,

I don't know. I was like and I was like, I think I'm okay still physically to keep going with the show. But that night it so happened to be that the outfit I took was white. So I was just like, oh my god. I was literally sitting there for two hours waiting for my makeup and my hair. She was doing my hair, and I was like, I'm still gonna go on stage. I could do this, Like I can do this, like going full blown on like I'm having a miscarriage. Like I had to like accept it.

I hadn't said anything yet to anyone besides the people that were in the room, which Jessica. Jessica didn't even know I was pregnant. The only people that knew were Kim and Immedio and and then the paine just started getting unbearable. I literally held onto the very last minute. I was like, no, I don't want to let people down, like I'm excited. I want to perform, But then I

just had to make a decision. I was like, dude, like what if I just start bleeding out in the middle of my concert, Like no, I just I'm like, maybe physically I can pull through because that's who I am, but emotionally there's no way. And I felt like the people that were there don't don't deserve that. They deserve the best show, and that's what I want to give them. So I had to make the decision. I was like, I need to go to the hospital. So then that's

when I told Richard. I told my managers because both of them were there, you know, Guiermo and Richard, and I told him. I was like, this is I was hiding something from you. And I was just so afraid to tell Richard, my manager, because I didn't want him to think that I wasn't. I wanted to show him before telling him I can still do this. I can be on tour. I'm fine. We went to the hospital and I just wanted to know if it was really happening.

I still had hope, and Milli and I both still had hope that maybe it was just I don't know, but it just was coming out everything, and they did an ultrasound. We were there at the hospital for like the emergency room for like three hours. They were so nice to meet the people, all the nurses and the doctors in Albuquerque. While amazing, they were so nice. So like even when they told me like, yeah, it's a miscarriage, like you know, she's like, nothing you did is your fault.

I was like I kept thinking, it was like, God, maybe it's my Maybe I can't but I'm sorry. But they made me feel better and they said that this is actually a great thing because you know, your body is showing that you can you can't get pregnant, and it's preparing to get pregnant. It's just it was a bad egg and it's you know, they made me feel better be like, hey, I have I have women that

come in in their first trimester. They're running their runners, they run their entire pregnancy and they're fine and they you know, they're athletes and they lift weights and it all just depends. But no, it has nothing to do with you, anything that you did wrong. So that made me feel better for sure, But it was a very hard pill to swallow, and also to have to cancel my show, which is why I shared it because I

was like, I know people were upset. Some people were commenting really mean things, and I was like, damn, I'm gonna share it because this is I know I'm not the only one, and this happens a lot more then people share, and I understand something so personal. But I chose to share it because I want you guys to know that I also go through things like you guys, you know, and if I can help someone, then that gives me peace, you know. So that's the reason I

shared it. And people have been so understanding and so loving, and I've gotten so much love and it just feels so good to know that there are people that support me that don't even know me on a personal level and are setting us so much love. And I feel better now. I did my therapy session, and I am a woman of faith and I know that things happen the way they need to happen, and it just really helped put things into perspective for me, and it made me fall in love with the media even more. We're

closer than ever and now I'm like excited. I'm even more excited to marry him, like he was so amazing, and I know it hurt him so much to see him so sad because he did break down. He was so sad. He was so sad, and I even said sorry to him. I'm like, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry because I felt like, oh my god, like I'm not giving him what he really wants. And when you love someone, you just want to please them, and I

want to give him a baby. Now. He's the only guy that's ever made me want to have a baby, because I've always been on the fence, and now this experience has showed me that I'm going to be a great freaking mom and that I do want a baby, and that I do want a baby with this man. So even if it was for that to just bring that confirmation, I'm grateful. Very painful situation, very painful experience. And I don't I don't like upon anybody, of course, but I learned a lot and now it makes perfect

sense for me. And now I want to just be proactive and strengthen my uterus and I've been taking I've been drinking teas. I'm like, I want to do everything to make sure that I am ready, you know, and also prepare to have a baby when I'm not as busy, because I want to enjoy it more so. I think my faith is what's getting me through and obviously having a very supportive fan base and family. My sister Jackie was so amazing as well, Like h she helped me

so much. She cried with me when I told her and I called her, I was like, sister, it's I'm losing the baby, and she was just like oh, she cried with me. And she's the one that said, listen to your body. Don't you worry too much about letting people down, Like if you cannot pull through, don't do it. And I was like, you're right, yes, I I have

to cancel the show, like I have to. So shout out to my sister and to like my amazing partner because I have a great support system, like honestly, even Kim, like my assistant, was wonderful throughout the whole thing, and she cried with me too. We cried. It was like, oh, but anyways, guys, that is you know, my experience, and I wanted to share it because that's what I do with you guys. You know, I tell you guys everything, and I'm fine. I don't blame myself and we shouldn't.

Other women that have had miscarriages, don't take that guilt away. It's nothing that you did wrong. It's your body and God in the universe doing what maybe you won't be able to do if they tell you that you have an abnormal pregnancy or it's just you know. So I don't know. I just know, guys that I'm with you and that we're gonna be okay, We're gonna be fine, and now we're gonna have I learned what a rainbow baby is. I don't know what a rainbow baby was, and I was like, oh my god, I want a

rainbow baby. It's the baby that comes after the miscarriage. And I didn't know about that. And I'm like, oh my god, Now I see all this rainbow stuff on TikTok. So I'm just like, okay, I'm having a rainbow baby. So anyways, you guys again, thank you for listening, and thank you for showing me grace. And I love you, guys, and I hope that anyone that has gone through this before can just know that I'm with you, I got you, and and I'm sending everyone love because this is such

a painful experience. But God knows what's up. He knows why. So thank you for listening, and I love you guys so much. This is a production of iHeartRadio and Mike podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at my Kuitura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i q u i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows.