Water Bottle Thief - Chewing The Cud - S05E36

You're watching Chewing the Cud with mist Kinsman and Mike, Benny and Rode.

So Happy, Sleepy Doc. I can't remember the names of the other ones, but if you had kwon, oh hello, welcome to Chewing the Cud, should think I haven't. Well, you have to choose one, not all seven?

Well it was a panto, they were in town. Why not seven days a week seven dwarves. All I'm saying is she had the right idea. You ride one until they need a break. It doesn't hip damage. Move on, you've got six days to recover. We're not going to have hip damage, are They don't have to bend over it's powering on top of the hit damage.

That was not an image I needed anyway. What have you got for us today, Mike.

I've got a story about a dangerous food item, and then we get a little sticky in Crafty Queens.

And we even have a game that you can play along with too. But on your screen now you can see our contact details. It's at the cud TV on your social media, and if you want to catch up with any of our previous episodes, you can always binge them on YouTube. Just look for Chewing the cud and you can.

See the names of people have reached out on social media going on the bottom of the screen.

But now we have missed and the showbiz Hello, welcome, right, Okay, I've got some news items for you and the showbiz world. To be honest, we might have to fire the researcher because this really is at news. Lady Gargar shot horror. She's a bisexual. Okay, I think we all knew that. And she's singing songs that might have a second meaning. Okay. The bit of the news is is that she has come out and she's been doing lots of different shows and been quite explicit in giving what the original meaning

Oh that is so mean. Do you see what I have to put up with? I just I could have a complex.

Well, I'm not going to go down that road.

No one could ever excuse you of having a complex anything.

I could be quite psychologically scar that you're bullying. I'm going to contact HR the network. Will hear about this anyway? Oh god, no, truly, I am.

For the first time in forever. I don't know why I'm singing frozen.

I'm sorry. Anyway, got with your news stories. I've only got one left for because basically that new story is Aaron Taylor Johnson is a first trap. Anyway, moving on the next story.

You know that's not actually where genitals a hell right, that's not that's not to observe your genitals.

Just slapping the back of your head, Yeah, just to calm yourself down. It's like the immediate version of a violent cold shower. Okay, some violent cold shower. Do to adswer that or you get privacy right. Anyway, So there's a new TV show coming up that we might quite like. Okay, the full trailer for has come out, so it won't be till later on in the year. I believe that

Many many many years anyway, back when it was still an independent nation.

Anyway, slaves getting away, oh god, living in, staying, staying in a country for a while in a residential sense where there generally is still like this weird segregation thing going on, like it was a very weird experience, very weird experience. And that was twenty years ago. But anyway, we are diverting, We are diverting from the news. The

So there is a crisp that is so hot that it's only available for adults.

When you say hot, do you mean spicy or do you mean adult only? Because it's shaped like a willie.

No spicy spicy that you have to.

Be eighteen to buy them.

So a group of children got their hands on them and fourteen of them ended up in hospital.

Wow. Wow, So there's health warnings all over them.

Say it says things like, do you not have if you've got high blood pressure? Right, any stomach upsets, don't eat them. If you're sensitive to all sorts of things, don't eat like health warning skill lare on these.

And it's went, nom nom numb num. Oh no, what did I do? I've chosen the wrong ended up in assable. So usually when something's eighteen, it will attract kids, like sneaking into the cinema to watch a film you shouldn't see you or okay because you do. Kind of think, ah, really does it really counter that's quite a harsh. No, really, pay attention to this.

Listen, when we say it's for adults, it means it's for adults.

Wow. I think that's hilarious. Well not for the kids some of them, right, but you know, none of them died, so it's funny.

So I was thinking about foods and how you know sometimes you look at food and oh, I know what that is, and then get a different surprise in your face.

Oh no, no, no, no, no no no, you're going to have to shove my face now. You always hit meat. Weird things, not weird things. Do you know what this box is? It looks like a box of jaffa cakes. It is a box of jaffa cakes. Who, I'm observantly are a little bit worried about you? That too, Well, no one was surprised. Have a jaffa cake, nice little orange flavoring while you ride? What's it taste like it? That's because it's a raspberry jaffa cake. Oh yeah, they're

Go on, no no numb all in, no no biting, full full of clips in not full of clips eclipse it delicious.

Little no, no, no numb. You do know you eat them upside down right chocolates pushing on the downside. It's true.

They say that they're dipped in chocolate, so that's the bottom.

What is that like rosemary or something? That's what laxative tastes like? Well you absolutely would, I literally ship you, not moving on the brow. Laxative Jaffa cakes as jokes, they're not really. It's colder bottle apps. Actually genuinely scared me then, because that's I absolutely believed you would. Yeah. I think they're both delicious. I'm not sharing them really weird, though I did thought Rosemary. Rosemary, yeah, says well, no palette.

Moving on, And you've also got chocolate around your face? I finished off, Why have I been giving it? Because I'm not going a discussion the table, am I?

Things have been around your mouth near me?

I've heard stories about where that was a long long time ago, right. Next story is about an airbnb, you said in an Airbnb.

Before I have frequented. No, I haven't. I've gone very low now, actually haven't know. But I have been to places where friends are staying worse.

Yes, okay, This is a story about a lady who was a little bit disappointed when she got her Airbnb arabb you know what.

I like that?

But did She went off to a nice sunny climate and she saw a beach view was beautiful, right, But when she got there, she was devastated by the beach view.

Why what's wrong with the beach? Look at that beautiful beach you it's a beautiful beach view.

Beautiful and because basically what she found out is that that is actually a wall that's been painted. So when she goes out, literally there's a wall there and then someone's painted that mural. And it's technically true because it is a beach view. It is a view of the beach where you are at.

That's genius. Genus. Yeah, because she was being a big way this is nowhere near this see a beach view. But to be for her, I mean, is it still near the beach? Is it likes not land? But it's you know, it's you can't get a decent view of anywhere. Well no, I was thinking that, like you'd have a view of the murial and here here the beach in the distance and the sea, the smells of the so you can like fake it quite well.

Okay, No, it's a cvie of a painting.

It's a very nice painting. It's a very lovely painting. I wouldn't buy a hotel, I wouldn't buy a bed in front of the Mona Lisa to sit in front of that for an entire week. But you know, it's it's still a nice view.

And it's the thing is that the advert said it's a beach you it's not like she was devastated and if you've been disappointed by something on the internet looking at the mister, only fans, why.

Not share that with us?

We are at the kut be on social media and that brings us nicely to our story of the week.

I can't do only fans. I have to pay out refunds. Oh yeah, we know. You know, when you do self deprecating humor, you expect your friends not to agree with you. Now you're a fan of a large thing, aren't you. I do like a large thing? Good. This is something seven foot long?

Oh and can be it's so big you can see.

It on Google Earth.

Oh yes, and it's two gentlemen that have it, and it's a basically seven ft t rex.

So yeah, they've bought a seven foot dinosaur.

Stuck it in their garden, right, and it's actually you can see it on Google Maps.

Is that big? Actually? Seven foot isn't that tall?

It's a good football of what we consider a tall person.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's not like stupid big, like the size of a dinosaur. Back.

It's not a life size dinosaur. But then it's still seven foot tall.

And that gentleman has very curly hair. He does have very curly hair. Yeah, And looks like that kid out of high school musical.

Fat Musicals.

This song you can till I've never seen it? Someone dance right, I have dinosaurs seven I think that's more impressive about Google Maps, being to see something that's only seven ft big. Okay, I think it's an impressive dinosaur. I think it's impressive that they've got that in their garden, not for the Google Maps thing, but the irritating the neighbors. Irritating the neighbors. But I thought that was quite impressive just just to have it. Yeah. I think that when

What was that that that was the in your inner monologue going.

We talk about you all the time list Sure I could hear somebody.

Well, yeah, stick around because coming up next, we have a game to play in our Game of the Week.

Welcome back to Chewing the Cud. Now we've got a game to play in our Game of the Week, and this one's for you, Mike Off Pop Game of the Week. So this week we've got Mike with Uza kazoo and he's going to show me right up because I don't know how to play the damn thing. Put it in your mouth and blow same. I could not not know this what. I had to look it up because it was the song of Pride and Manchester. It was pot to go. I think Chapelon. It was indeed Chapel Roon. Yeah,

Fact that you bought a CD and listened to it on the way home.

When was this gallery? How long ago was that?

Four years during COVID, don't think so two years ago.

It's rich. If anybody gets to see the current production of Cabaret, it is actually stunning, like the whole venue that it's absolutely amazing. Mm hmmm. Is it some dodgy nineties no dance thing like Venga Boys. It feels like it's in that area. Nope, it's not.

It's quite modern revision artists, Eurovision artists, Eurovision song necessarily.

Oh, give me another go. If anybody could guess at home, you're doing better than me, gallery guess monster, No, we're doing very well on that one. Sorry, it just rings slight bells.

But the main skin I want to be your slave, which is what the gallery thinking.

That's called monster? Oh the guy with the really tight pants, who I wanna be a slaver? I wanna be a master that one? Yes, yes, I might have been a bit distracted seeing the lead singer performing it. It sounds like some really bad mashup of some really awful ballads like You'll Never Walk Alone. No, I have not, I'm not I'm not a Scooby, not a clue. I think Star Trek, Star Trek. It would be a nerd. He really likes Star Trek. Loser, says the.

Man who spends hours talking about prepping for and playing a make believe game.

Oh, I've rolled the dice. Oh I've got a natural twenty Oh that's gone.

What does that mean?

That means that means you can defeat the ogre ogre, the one I've just made up. You.

I've just made up.

A magic wand that disappears ogres when you roll any number whatsoever.

Oh, it's a critical fail.

But that's good because there's a reverse spell on me one, so suddenly it's a natural twenty.

Well yeah, star Trek's geeky. What I've got here is I've got a.

Magic file effects. No you haven't.

Oh, we all live in a perfect future where everybody's kind to each other.

Room constantly, constantly at war, tried to kill each other. It deals with themes rather than just go, oh I'm a monster, I'm a mage.

Oh no, I'm a level seven war Blow your kazoo, Blow your kazoo. Oh no, you can't, can you? Right? Next one? Then? Oh he's already getting into Did you see that? If you do, anyone, I have to pay rights for the music. You're not that close, mainly because I don't understand it at all.

Many of Horror ify Claro Iffy Clyro, Many of Horror or do you know the Miley version?

I don't know either. I don't know many of horror. No, I have been listening to Miley Cyrus's Little Sisters, like country type music that's really good. Got into that for awfle peck awful peck the greening duck. No, not all build the duck he pecked, leave you pecked to pick a No, that's not Oh no, that does ring a bell? Now? Oh, I can't remember that? Is it fireworks? Oh no, no, not like Katie Perry fireworks. There's a lyric in it about fireworks, I remember correctly. Oh God, I can't remember,

I can't decide if you should live or die by the Scissor Sisters.

Oh, I should have known that one.

Mm hmm, you do better home, not Scooby.

Love Shacked by the Bee fifty twos. That was no way, love shack by the b fifty twos. Love Shack Babby, Oh Gallery, don't you join in singing along? That was rubbish. They got it only after you told them so. I haven't played computer games since the Coup of Door sixty four.

But you know it's a computer game theme, so you know the sum So what is it?

Is it Mario? Yes, it's Mario's theme, that's all I'm going to go for that one. I almost recognized, but I can't put name to it. I think that's enough of that, don't you, Mike? Now stick around because coming up, we have Crafty Queens in your on timeist. Welcome back to during the cud and now we try to understand why Mike has started to drink a lot more water than Crafty Queens.

In the warm weather, missed. It's important to stay hydrated. It is now. We both worked in offices, and then when you have offices, you have water bottles.

That's just true. And there's always someone that uses the wrong one. Yeah, yeah, when you can see somebody's wrap their lips around your bottle.

Yeah, I just want to slap them, but we've got ways of fixing that so they don't do it ever again.

Okay, So what we've got here is we've got a water bottle. Yeah, and into it we're gonna.

Put a little bit of cyanide. Absolutely, bottle thieving.

Sharon from HR will never ever ever bother me again exactly.

But what we're actually going to do is we're going to make these bottles unique or unique depending on how you look at that word.

And what we're going to do is we're going to design some patterns on it. We're decorating a bottle, aren't we We are decorating a bottle. Welcome to crafty queen ladies and gentlemen and everybody else in between.

You know how last week you had me sticking sparkles on an old bit of carpet that you then stuck on a G string that wasn't from Wish. It wasn't from did I said it wasn't from Wish?

Well that was original, But yeah, no, I can see I can see the practical applications of this. You're quite right. Why are you drinking? Have you got your ane attract infection. No, it's too well, you've got to stay hydrated in normal weather. Oh, just because you're feeling a bit hot. It's just you've got to stay hydrated normal weather. So the plan is we just are doodling on these doodle on the bottles to start with.

Okay, I've given you a selection of sharpish markers.

Okay, Well, so any any particular theme. It can go for whatever theme you want. Okay, I'm I'm going to go for old school tribal nineties tattoos. Tattoos. Yeah, like the no like pretty much the same era. But you remember, like all the surfer Blade Blade movie kind of guys just had all of these tribal tattoo type things. Okay, and I used to think that was incredibly sexy. You do have the weird taste them. They're very dated now,

Okay, Dean in the gallery, I believe you've got some tribal tattoos, haven't you.

Okay, apparently they do. Yeah, m hm, and they are from a certain ear yep, I dare say it would have probably fancied Dean back in the day when he was younger, But now I know him for who he is, which is a so you can't hear noises? I can hear. Yeah, I know. Dean's basically very excited that he's in there. He's doing this, isn't he? Oh he's not. He's really not making that noise. He absolutely is. He isn't. I wouldn't be entertaining the thought.

I think you might might be entertaining the thought later comes up smiling at you and rubbing up against.

Let me know when you've got your patterns on, well, how elaborate do these need to be too elaborate because you're going to be doing something wonderful? And but and how much coverage of the bottle do we need to do? As much as you want.

It's just to make it so it's unique, so nobody else steals your bottle so they can't go, Oh, I thought it was mine.

It's like night, didn't Charon, mm hmm. Let me see where you're up to. I think that'll do. That'll do, okay.

Now, the thing about about sharpish mark because is they're great.

Because they're per them?

Yes, okay, but they do wear off after time, so we need to protect them. Yes, always just protect and raise them. So we had to make the bottle texture as well for all of our pleasures.

Oh, this is three D art.

So what you're having in front of view is you have a very hot glugan okay, And what you're going to do is with the very hot glugan is you're going to go over the lines you've just drawn. Okay, okay, with the hot glue. So we're ceiling in the image, ceiling in.

The image, and also putting some texture on the outside of your bottom. And are we trying to match the image, try and cover the entire image? So you are we talking just as in the lines? The lines? Okay, that might be very fine. Indeed, it may be very fine. I wish I knew that before. I would have gone quite so whoops.

But if I told you what's happening, that's less one. Now some people at home might be going hanging it. You're gluing onto a hot onto a plastic bottle. What that caused holes, you may say. Somebody may say that, and the answer is yes. But the thing is we're gluing it together. So guess what the holes will be glued shut.

Now, that's a very funny thing. I in my infinite wisdom, no formative years. Formative years is a very good way of saying it. I used to be a fire breather, used to be a fire breeth I used to be a fire breather. I ran away and enjoyed the circus when I was very young. When you say ran away, yeah, run away the same thing sort of. Anyway. You'd used to run a firebrand up and down your arms, and sometimes they have bits of wire on them, and they cut out chunks of flesh and I've got lots of

You see I've got people in mine now, you see clever little people.

Oh you did little stick figures. I did little people represented by lines. That that would be what a stick figure is.

Yeah, well, one of those ways. Say it'll get a grant from the National Lorry.

Okay, I don't think that was very graciously done. Probably not, but it's done. Okay, I've managed to get glue all over the sharpish. Oh no you haven't, have you I have dear okay. Oh it's really warped the bottle. It does do. It's very hot blue. Oh wow, well it's really warped it. Oh that it's not like damaged it yet, my jo. I'm not too sure whether that be safe to actually have water in now. Why, well, I'm not too sure whether your theory completely holds up with how this bottle is constructed.

But once, once you've got once it's cold, once it's cold, is cold, you can you can actually test it, okay, and I'll show you how we test it in just a moment. But yeah, while that calls, remember if you can't get any pin, any machine, or anything else in between, you could be a crafty queen. See I think that was successful. You think, yeah, it sounds like yours. Okay, So the way to test the holes is to take the lead off, give it a blow.

Let's see if you get the air through, okay, like a trumpet, like a trumpet or a kazoo. Yes, I can't play a kazoo. Oh no, that is quite No, I do actually have a hole. Yeah, so I need to fix that. So we need jug going to fix that.

Mind's all the way over there, and you just basically pop a little bit more women that would do it. That will do it, you see, and then you can test it again to make sure it's work.

Bag bits of a blowout there we go. Yeah, I think you need to leave that to cool a little bit before you try to go. But we get there.

That's another way.

I'm not touching anything that you've just blown like that. It's slightly furtive. It does look like you're trusting out a homemade bong. It's still bubbling. That person's got a direction. Now, you've just always got Willy on the mind. I mean it works. If given a little bit more time, I would have had a more artistic h I quite liked mine. Yeah, I had a problem where I dropped it and smudged