Summer Memories.... - Chewing The Cud - S05E29

You're watching Chewing the Cud.

We've missed Kinsman and White benue room.

And I said, I don't care if it's leg date at the gym. I prefer throat date. Oh, hello, and welcome to Chewing the Cud. What are you despairing at already? You and your filth. It's not filth, it's an exercise.

Don't get to my age without gag reflex, without reads anyway, you wouldn't know.

It's been that long tumble weed. Anyway. This week we are looking at some of the best bits, the worst bits, and some of the.

Things you shouldn't really see. Anything over the past year that you can look back on and go, you know what, that was fun?

Oh is the answer? Oh, I've had a love of fun in my time here.

Really, we'd like we're killing you off conation back a different pipper that's home away reference.

I got that wrong. Anything that stands out in your mind.

Well, not so much fun, but the abuse from you, that's fun.

People pay good money for that. You're welcome, missed.

I haven't finished on this shirt. I'm sorry. So so I've.

Googled this shirt and it told me it costs you twenty four pounds and.

Did not cost me twenty four pounds? How much did that shirt?

I'm not telling you how much. You just want money yourself. I really don't, and I'm not going to let you have the bargain.

The ty got So it's either a really cheap or really expensive. Now, if I've learned anything from you over the past couple of months missed, it's not going to be really expensive. So less than ten pounds, less than nine pounds?

Was it a fiver four nine?

I'm not saying a damn thing.

Which means yes, because it's the only one who's not answered. This is answered four pounds for that shirt.

Not telling you a dumb thing.

Okay, just because you're jealous, look at you tried to look at you tried to bull fill.

Okay, just because you're jealous. A running right, it wouldn't really be a corpse. It would be a zombie. Well, that would still count.

It'd still be a corpse committing crimes, especially if they're nibbling away at people.

Unless it's consent. M not crying. That's a swallowy no what I just now have an outtake of it's just going just swallow me could use that as well as you.

I should learn now all the text end up going on tiktop.

Not all of them, just the word I can legally put on TikTok. You say I've always got my clothes, Yes, say not.

Having songs? And where would we find your music?

You can have my.

Music on all the major music platforms, Darling on all the Spotify, all the Ice sunes, all those things. I can sell CDs and the street Corner if you like me too, on my other side household, I can sign them with my tips.

That's the thing.

Yeah.

Sure, people have like band camp. I have bussy Camp and that's where I sell my X rated music.

That's not real. That's that you're getting a whole hypo.

Dig off the one.

So she's the second to win it second series Blue Hydranger one last year, and she beat off? She did, she beat them off?

That's all. Wait, winning I suppose they're distracted at least.

I wait yet wait, Yeah, well.

You spoiled the gag, caught to the cawe quite clearly. Nobody in the chair, dreadful human being recently bath.

So we will one day make it through the show without me having a twenty five minute sweet or not.

Alkay, she beat off.

Me off, just quite clearly, give me some one add job visage.

We should have spent more time reading writing the script this morning.

Excuse me, right, she succeeded you see.

Now there's no words you can say.

We said it to nine minutes.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I've gone bright red. I'm sweating as well.

Oh so juvenile. So it's the show, sadly.

So tear Coffee one UK versus the World the second second series Blue Hydiene on it.

Last year.

Drag Race Down Run Unders Hannah Conda was competing and Drag Race Francis.

La Grande Dame.

They had a bit of a bit of a thing with but that's that's not the new boyfriend. So she managed to beat those two off, and she's one.

I did just say she had a bit of a thing with one of them. Will you be professional?

Will you stop saying she's beating people off.

Briant Center.

With that one, But that's not the new boyfriend. Anyway, she beat them off.

I think there's about ten competitors. She beat them all very very strong arms.

Oh I'm sorry.

Mm hm one seconds waiting, just sitting me.

Sing, just waiting patiently like I waited for a boss. Hma, stop stop beating you off.

I'm nearly there.

I'm nearly there.

You're right in the joke, not me, so sorry?

Right, Oh that's in disturbings.

Have you seen that?

I didn't watch it close enough.

I'm not really good at disturbing. Okay, so ye, that was disturbing. Okay, So did you work on that, Dean?

Oh, not that one, but the the plot on the set up for the.

Second which coronation Dean King Henry yike agin core was that you there, tapestry? That's how I started off?

Oh god, you guys throw the time.

Yeah, it's what would you do that? Dean got a picture of mental image of still a black farting in the jar.

Now, Paul already are sil right?

Thanks for that mental image. I'm an additional surprise. I'm not sure what that would be.

But they don't watch us in Japan. Not allowed to be not abandoned Japan, we'd be bounded. We are actually j Well, why are we caring about what happens to them? That pussy run riot, pussy riots, toxic pussy riot.

Let it run free, sodom anga Morra. We're not actually a banded in Tokyo, Japan. It's a lie.

It's fun.

We are banded in Russia.

Hi HiPE.

It doesn't watch the show. I bet you bloody does. He's a raging fairy. It doesn't.

He can't can't any moving on quite quickly, away from all the politics that I've just started.

How do you feel?

Thank you, Mike.

It's good to know that they're finding more ways of being resilient in the world.

That's the wrong word. It's not resilient. What do I mean resourceful? Thank you? Tilt again. I can't hear you anymore. I'm not saying anything. Oh okay, they just turned themselves off. I don't even hear background noise anymore.

Just keep going because I'm just gonna do you want to welcome them back to this part of the show.

Nah, I can't be asked. Don't let me just preparing meal in it.

Hello, welcome back to chewing the Cards.

Oh good, No, sorry, just keep back, just ignore them completely at this point.

Hello, welcome back to chewing the Card. And we're ignoring the gallery like usual.

You don't ignore the gallery you respond to them. I know, well, they just keep chipping me. You know the same things, like going okay, watch out for that, watch out for this.

Not talking to you. They're talking to each other. They don't want to talk to you. I have voices in my head.

Yeah, none of them are funny, like this one inm phats of the environment, because fish don't produce a lot of meting, so it's actually better to have fish leather. I've got concern about what happens when it rains, because you not leather has that very leather smell, and then it rains and it gets out very intense leather smell.

You don't want to be going out in your new bondage gear smelling of kippers more like kippers.

What kind of the bars have you been going to?

Didn't tail bars? Very aromatic? Whift of kipper.

What you wanted to be to be more lighthearted, I'm talking about whiffs of kipper.

Can we go back to the toxic possy to get a whiff of kipper from the toxic possy?

You might you might be inviting the toxic pussy around if you smell a cappers.

About it.

It's Japan.

Me but.

On set one set it's not too sure.

I have to just get it right because it's got it's a Russian meaning, and we don't want to annoy the Russians.

Sorry, mister Pewton, because it's a mind game.

I just realized that in like I was about to say, fifty years, in ten years, when our generation is in nursing homes, there's just gonna be a lot of old people.

Going I lost the game again.

It's I've probably said this before because it's one of the things that gives.

Me source of unending amusements.

But the idea, like when you think of people in care homes and one of the big group circle therapy things is they're singing like Doris Day songs and massy bits.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's exactly what it's going to be, isn't it. If you want to be male love, you can get with my friends. She's not been moist four years.

Didn't mean to suggest that you have a crocodile shaped all day.

He prefers to be called daddy. Sorry daddy putin. I can't call anybody that short. Daddy.

No, right off and keep enough to all the way off, all the way of cot some more.

Allison chains, Alison chains that that that's that would be a good drag name if you lived in the nineties.

Rage against the.

Patriarchy, something that you should be done. But not no, not no, the answer.

Rage against the fact I can never find parking. Half an hour looking for parking today a right finally to fire the spot I managed to fit in a tiny space so far I have to get out the passenger side to text the code to get partnerspace. Oh no, we don't recognize the location, pointing that.

Somebody's had a hard day, a very hard day. Then I've got to get this. It's called rage against the machine. Parking machine.

Stick around, crafty queens, because we're not having the fact I had to spend so long parking.

Rage against the parking machine is the cover band?

Okay, last one. I'm glad they're going into row.

We're finished, were finished. I wanted to do the last one. It's funny do the last one.

Somewhere man, but slays Howard on Mencaster's something got showers All these years later, many and many years later.

All right, lawyer's the way thought.

Joke. Okay, well we still don't. It was just just was reeling from the fact you've just called me old as dirt?

Are we I wonder where were filming that bad the gap my dream? Are we still going? Yeah, A were talking about this topic.

We can Okay, I don't want.

To have everything Okay that we'll move on.

Mister nine No, because he's got a nine inch penis.

M yes, I have to find a photo.

He's pushed the gym a lot, but it's thin, so he's not bigs, thin and mustling, and he comes around for a massage. He lets me put oil on my hands and then he starts down. Yeah, it's not a gentle lover. And then there's Jason, and I call him Jason because he murders.

Sorry, Yes, of course we can. We're not recalling that, so I just have to adjust, miss Hell.

Yes, this will be the gentleman, but you're kind of giving away the story by showing that full photo.

He's the only one. Yeah, I keep very hand.

Where was I before I was so rudely interrupted by the gallery?

Right?

Yes, so they had an extravagant wedding affair. You've put me off, now, hold on. So they had a secret wedding and apparently it was quite an extravagant affair, and it was officiated by the fan of the show, Kim Kardashian. We're talking about films, so old on. I need to get the actual stuff.

You don't, wouldn't have a problem with pen and paper, you right there, just flip it over this modern technology. I mean to scroll, scrolling to scroll up a down page?

Oh what you need that pick?

He's back, poor pack?

What's now? Do they do you want to crazy joker? I'm not saying anything like a lowering batman.

Villain the giggler. Oh dear, I'm so sorry.

It's all his fault. Oh very shiny, Oh what very shiny? Hello, welcome to chewing the cuds. What is it you've got on your top?

Well, you know where we're going to be speaking to Jordan later. The last time we saw him he was a bit into I thought I'd wear this.

For him, right, Not that kind of dungeon.

No, no dungeons and dragons, nothing salacious or saucy. I don't do that sort of thing because I'm a good boy, Because no one.

Will deal with you. What have you got for us today, Mike? And today? I have a story about someone that can't use a coffee machine.

I can't use a coffee machine if that machine is a kettle and a bottle of instant granules.

As I said, I need the teaspoon and a jar. That's why that's coffee.

None of this fancy dult shake gusta adult shake gusta Is that even word?

No, it's not even northern. A bit of a boomer.

Well, today I have a story about a mouse, well actually several, and then we're going to be speaking.

Yeah, so he got a name, he has got a name. I honestly can't concentrate on people and their nipples are out.

I can't.

I like, literally, people have to otherwise they just don't exist to me, and all I can see is the nipples.

Okay, but if he if he mugged me and the police were like who is he?

I wouldn't know. I wouldn't be able to eat it, and I just be like, the nipples worse? Yeah about about yeah, smaller than a penny, but bigger than a finger.

Jesse Pattinson, Jesse Patterson, Jesse, Oh no, okay, I can go for it now, I know what I'm doing.

Apparently he's an actor.

He is he was in Hustlers.

Apparently I read that today.

I'm so glad I read those stories. I said, we go to show bits and then we come out of this thing, welcome.

Back, and yes you're watching chewing the cud. We're going to play. That's MI treat. Sorry again, it's the second show. It always works me.

It doesn't use Loube doesn't need to guppy that playing a triangle. So that was my thought. I set him off.

Kay, great, throwing.

The sausage down.

Excited, I think so much smoking Marijuada on the on the fourth floor again.

Absolutely, oh.

Oh dear, oh so it's all the laughing. Oh oh, I feel so pretty. That's why we're laughing so much. That's why we're laughing so much. By because of the magic powder. Right all right, professional professional.

Are better? Yeappy now want their condition off while we do that. Yeah, I thought you might be. It's all rush rush, rushing with you today.

Dean should a tight schedule for your vision.

Yeah, I only here it's tight about Dean in his wallet. I'm not saying that Dean's deemed to take fishes of money, but when he opens his wallet, hip.

Muth fly out. I feel that well, I know that fact is not opened his wallet because the alarm didn't go off to author. Mm hmm, what I think it's a plane now, mm hmm.

He started to try and fetishize so like the trans community.

Well, I don't know.

I I took it like he was trying to because I'm in a situation before because the messic where guys was like trade boys was like if you were like a girl, yeah or a track green, I'll be bore interested in you rather than you just being a boy. So I think that's the angle back. It's where you're coming from. Yeah, I've been there.

Will you shave your beard?

Now?

I know?

Yeah?

No, is that.

That was just the insane sit up.

We're about to record what you're trying to do passive aggressively, So.

So I think that's just.

I think that's jes Zy j Bang Bang finish your own a Grande and Nicki Minaj. I'd love to he saying that one though, So just going for it, got it right, you sag it? Oh okay, I come to the difference with that girl.

That's that is that is so Thankfully that's almost the end of the show. Remember to show us on our social.

We lasting ourselves in here are we now?

If this hasn't popped?

Are we can't commercial.

It's not it's not commercials the end, at the end of our lives.

As they grow, you can chop them off and have them in salad things growing well, no no, no, no no no no no no no.

Yeah, I'll wait for that then. But that's almost the end of the show.

Remember during us on our social media, at the could TV in all the usual places.

Thank you for watching and we'll see you soon.

Bye.

You have us.

Wait for the you have to wait for it. Just buy peace if you want peas, I don't want peace. We'll buy peace. Then.

It's a lot of efforts, but these are these are piece that will grow and you'll get more peace than they've put in.

Each peaplant will produce like nineteen pea pods. Though, I great peas in my garden that I actually have what I see piece as well. I've had one bag and it's huge and it's lasting me for ages. Yea, they have They are the exact same thing. Yeah, exactly, yeah they are, and they went out of dating nineteen twenty one. Tell you how old that package?

I had a packet. Misterally about half that size and full of the same thing. But it's lasted me like four years. Yeah, the slug five years.

The slugs he beats. Where do you have your peace outside in the garden? Were in the garden in a box, elevated box? Copper copper, Get copper tape, put it around your box.

They can't well they can cross copper, but they hate it. Oh oh, what happens is they get to it and they slow down so much. Birds go slug.

Oh where did you get copper tape from?

Oh?

Oh, that's that's mighty interesting.

If you're feeling very fancy, get copper tube, put a cut it and then clip it on the outside. You're give me very fancy because then in the in the winter goes that night betein green. The copy tape you have to replace every year. Oh so yeah, you would have to replace the copper piping. You have to give it a bit of a polish or you get coppery again.

I passed one of them because I said lots of old before and it actually.

Say that you just kind of did I just kind of dikind did let's very phrase that.

What this young lady called Cheng Wing Lee from Singapore decided she was a bit strapped for cash, and she pegged herself as something of an influenza.

And pegging yourself always well that was what's coming out with mouth. But that's not what I meant myself. That's what she was telling services. Clothes pegs, wash it out. What's going on? Dudley?

He plays Dudley do his William's Harry Okay ready, okay? Sor The Harry Potter star Harry Melley, What Harry Melly Roberty okay sor.

The Harry Pottery start what together? Right? Okay?

Harry Potter bullshit knows, let's come okay? The Harry Potter star Harry Melling who played Dudley Jarsey. He's in a new movie and he's a sob, a little kinky sob when Alexander Scar's guard.

So he's saying, so you don't be like a submarin gran.

That's like a hidden double meaning. I don't think that's what it's giving, Like, oh my god, it's giving the kind of vibe and he's with Alexander Scar's guards. It's giving a hot no look now, yeah, I want to play his role I want to play his role. He's playing the sub rit. He's playing he's playing sub.

Oh baby, oh oh oh yeah, what are you doing? I'll make an I'm just joining you in your mimic of hardcore porn.

That's not hardcore, Okay, coming out and been scared to be yourself before. I think anyone can relate to that, but especially people in the queer umbrella.

So yeah, okay, perfect, Sorry, you're a thing, and I write a song with you. What did they say? I don't get rejected, I get decline. Okay, So.

I will not do the one at the bottom there because someone has spelled heart wrong. They've spelt it hrt and it says the heart will go on and it just sounds like a dodgy nineties sitcom comedy about a couple called the Hearts that are on a long journey but they've divorced and spill up, and it's about how they then and they start falling in love with each other while they're stuck in the the Indian desert. I

The gallery think, oh look pretty, don't you. Gallery?

It's not what they said. That's not what they said at all. The audience don't know that said you look like the sun. You know the baby off for Tellytubbies. Which version of it, I'm not too sure, but gilly.

Woman, I just want to see you two more Invisible Man porn la.

Oh it's brilliant. Oh there's a new game. Oh that's a whole new game. Invisible Man Porn is a whole new game. Oh that's brilliant.

We could we could just have you doing Invisible Man porn and I have to get guess which the number of the Karma Sutra it is you're doing.

Oh please, Mike, give us another song?

Please? Less about the way. So I'm going to wed that, like, yeah, we do that, just because I don't want you to say that.

I think that you know, it starts going to be cast off.

Let's start fresh, And that's why we could do that. Yeah, and if you've been propositioned by a smash me behind stage TV on social media, and that brings us nicely to our story of the week now, and.

That's before then shows us exactly what a top pop banger needs to teach me.

Say that again.

La la la la, la, la la la.

I've just had a phone call from the delivery company. That's not going to be delivered, is it? No, it'll be next door has been.

Hey, I'm gonna watch him soon.

Sorry, m.

H, I'm doing anything now, I noticed.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what that's sent me off?

Oh oh.

It was your tear two thousand to salties. Give me a walk, throw in the frind.

Oh, I'm sorry. That was so s oh.

Too gods laughing stopping so setting me off. Yeh, I'm back, I'm back.

I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. Yeah, without a bed, bloody l fire, that is me without a bed. Oh dear, I done, Yeah, I'm done. Okay what was I saying? Okay, yeah, go go really sorry for oh my god, it's just all right. Just get some piste off spread, bisk off spread.

Putting an ice cream cream. I wonder I spot as nice as that.

At in it.

We should take our own turb and do that everywhere, girls, everywhere, Take me on top.

You need that on the go.

So she isn't it?

No, I didn't what I'm talking about anymore. Twenty five minutes have been pissed himself. Sorry, sorry, know what I'm talking about. What's the saying?

Go back, go back, go back, go back?

Before that, my train of thought happens the name before.

Hear them. That's that's true. Ok So she's different sex No, No, frontage is not sex.

So the oral count no, okay, so only penetration. No, it's still too low. I'm still too low. That's a baby, it's more like it.

Yeah, nipples and shot you my nipples. I was about to so, which means you need to go a lot lower towards the knee area. I might be chunky, but those are quite fair. I'm doing quite well at the gym at the moment. Okay. So what kind of work is it that you do while you're in that space. So I'm a.

And a writer, and so I'm currently writing a musical and so I've been up there, Yeah, playing around with the songs and kind of making puppets and kind of just trying to test out this brand new idea.

And it's been Yeah, it's been a great time. Actually, you said puppets. I am very excited.

Yeah.

So we've been working with an amazing puppeteer, Carolyn Ada, who yeah, makes incredible puppets out of like recycled materials and new new bits, and so we kind of yeah, got her to come and work with us and make some things for us.

And she made puppets out of.

Like rubber gloves and like bin bags and bits of cardboard. But they kind of yeah, moved and spoke and did incredible things. I think you'd have loved it.

Well, first got you in.

So yeah, I'm giving you things, giving me things. I'm giving you things VD, giving me a v D for two reasons. I've got standards. I went from sitting on that chair. These chairs are uncomfortable. They are uncomfortable. Well, I've kind of put a dent in that one, a dent.

The asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs. Like people think I'm sating the Georgi angle. I'm not falling in.

Just because I've been doing my key gules and and rear kicks at the gym.

I've got a very robust bum.

Voluminous was the word I was going to use.

Voluminous, voluminous, large, fat, mascular, dent flabby.

Do you remember?

Oh like kind of show? What are you are you thinking about that? Oh? I went all oh Disney then for a minute. Oh well that's almost the end of the show. For now, aren't you pleased?

If you want to get into contact with us, we are at the cud TV on all the usual social media.

See you again next time, goodbye bye.

What is in this?

Because people keep thinking it's copy but I don't