Randy Cocaine Hippo - Chewing The Cud - S05E40

You're watching Chewing the Cud with Mike ben and Roe and Lee Robertson.

I can smell your nasty pussy. Don't have a cat. Glenn close just saying hello, welcome to Chewing the Cord. So how are you doing you? I'm I came as soon as I heard, but you did. That's why you're wearing the Olzhiber flower. Because I'm an advocate. I'm an ally advocate. I'm an ally to the bewildered. I'll say any think, mm hmm, that's what have you got day for us? Then we got day for us for.

Us somebody in Yorkshire just come now watch the year in that which.

Founder fiver. What have you got for us today today?

Well, I've got to do it about someone's stomach foiling their plans. And then we'll welcome back our culinary expert with Everybody Loves Fanny.

We even have a game that you can play along with two but that screen now you can see our contact details. It's at the cut TV on social media and if you want to catch up with previous episodes, you can always binge us like a weight watcher in a cake shop by going and looking for Chewing the cud.

That's Shamie And you can see the names of people reached out on social media going along the bottom of the screen. But now we have Lee in the show business.

I'm having cheese my phone today because I've forgotten my electronic tablet.

Okay noways said before the show, said, I forgot my tablets and.

We've got very worried. It's it's an Android, unfortunately, but I like an android. I'd prefer them anyway. Let's do show. Were you a fan of Titanic the move It Move? Where are you back in the day? Don't let go Jack, don't Yeah, I will let go loop. Yeah. Yeah. Well, how would you feel about a musical about Titanic?

Will we see Leonardo DiCaprio getting all hunt sweet with all age appropriate?

Oh, because he goes out with younger women stage a propert What wasn't it? Okay? Oh No, there's a there's a musical. Comm It's called Titanique the Musical. I'm here for this. I don't think you were going to do it, says When the music of Celine Dion makes sweet Canadian love with the eleven eleven time Oscar winning film Titanic, you get Titanique. There's a there's a Homo poster for it. Yeah, it's already been in New York and has been got

And she's popped up between them to go, oh, I'm I am living for this. You're living for this it's a queen.

It's that. Yeah, there's there's more pictures of the cast.

I think this is amazing. I think this is the future of of theater.

Where is this going to be on? Well, it's going to be in London to start with, but then it might tour. Okay, so London's Criterion Theater from the ninth of December. I don't know whether it's worth a trip to London. A small trips, not that far on the train. Really pain? Huh pain? Let's say I was pain. Let's say he was even going with you? Oh, anyway, moist by that suggestion? What me paying? Will be going on a trip with you? No? You paying? You're not the

I know.

But to be fair, it's not everyone's go of tea. I don't mind him. I just hate Elf, Okay. He's been widely commended following the release of the trailer for his new Netflix documentary, which is called Will and Harper. It's so good. Have you watched it? Is it?

Out is by the time we've oh okay, so him.

In his September twenty seventh, this is October. Oh is it.

We're in the future, in the future and it's still still look good.

Well, no, it's so good. It's so heartwarming. It's all about him and his trans best friend go on a road trip together. So Will Fowl and Harper Steele first became friends about thirty years ago when they started on Saturday Night Live, and Harper was one of the head writers on Saturday Night Live, and Will as kind of saying the biggest I think the biggest form of transform me is lack of understanding. If you're not trans and you don't know anybody who is trans, the whole concept

You have watched it, yes, and it's so it's so honest, and I think that's what the most important part is.

It's Rohaul's agrin.

I didn't know how to refer to you for a while and I wasn't sure if you'd still be my friend because you changed your entire person arty. It was very honest about what it was they were going through as.

Well, and I think it's really refreshing to see this straight white man go through that that journey. So yeah, I may well, I may well watch that well worth watch so from from the kind of highbrow something slightly less high brow? Did you did you watch slack Wars? I didn't watch. I didn't even know this was a thing. So you know the cock destroyers, well one of them,

Yeah, I think you might watch it for that because look at those shoes, those very lee shoes.

Yeah, coffee slip on gold mule. But but I I I don't want to be a porn star. I mean, I mean many times, but.

I just someone throwing your fivers. They're going to film you doing something.

It us a blowy. Just wear this mask. You know. I'm going to say this has nothing to do with this problem. But somebody on social media tagged me in a post, not a saucy post of him in a hot tub, not naked with pants on pants on in a hot tub, well swimming swatch pants and that resulted in many many pervy p poo pervy people following me back, and one of them had a very unsettling video on his that appeared on my timelineting. What was it?

What was it?

Do you want me? Do you want me to go? Describe it to So he was on his bed okay, okay, knackhead legs akimbo, knees kind of bent so that they were around his ears, and he was like holding his bottom ye so his was full fully exposed, and he pooed. Oh and I and I wasn't happy with that. Watch it. I was like, how did you watch it?

Because of it for the first lump that came out, and then affwarded it to many people.

Because you first would watch that again and again. Oh that's disgusting.

I was like, oh no, what what?

That's not sexy, that's not sex, it's not sexy. People don't film yourself doing a poop. A lot some people are into that, or we don't think shame. If they want to do that, that's fine, but yeah, it's not for you anyway. That's my rant ovah. That's the end. Of this weeture of his news.

Absolutely, and remember if you want to send any videos to Lee, drop into his d MS.

Stick around because after this it's Mike and the Buzz. You're watching chewing the cord with Lee and Mike, and now were going to the deeper parts of the dark web. It's Mike with the Buzz. You like shopping, period, don't youly? Yes, as long as nowhere else is around?

Yeah, just you know, like like the famous people get when they you know, close down home bargains, walk around by themselves.

The answer around homes and she's always in there. What's the man? Who? I'm in? Warsaw? Poland? Poland Portland, Portland from Bortland? Did you not know? Right?

It's twenty two and he wanted a private shopping experience as well. Okay, so he did by pretending to be a mannequin.

For hours and hours and hours.

Oh okay, can you tell where he is? That a category of must try harder? Okay. It's not even in the window outside of the shop holding your bag.

He's not even in the show.

He's outside the window holding your bag.

When was he going to go in the shop?

So what happened was once they closed down the supermarket the mall. Yeah right, He then went on the rob okay, so is there to steal things?

What's with the face in the in the super shopping malls? They when the shops closed, they locked them, So him being in the middle of the mall, it's fine getting anywhere because they were locked.

Okay, But here's the thing where it's also easy to get into things because you're uninterrupted. If the shops closed and it's busy and you're walking past, its alone's gonna say why you're filling with that lock. He's got time when it's empty, or so he thought, because he forgot about the security guards who started to chase him around them all trying to find out why he was because he kept hiding.

He'd hear them coming, they kept they couldn't see it.

Or he'd hide under a tar, palling right in the middle of a fountain, getting very weight, hiding in toilets and that sort of thing. He was only apprehended when he stopped for a second meal. A second he'd stop to grab a sandwich and went, you know, a bit more peckish than I thought.

Well, it's a lot of carbs, but not running around just closed shopping center exactly robbing things. Well yeah, what what what is it? Is it? Wrangler? There is that you got a has genes?

Yeah, so that's just the shop he was standing outside of. Right, Okay, so he's stolen some food, stolen booze, and even cash out of some tills. Okay, it's not very secure place if that's what you can do. No, but you get caught if you're having a second buddy m Yeah, well well yeah, well done him, Well done him getting caught after standing like a brick for hours.

Yeah, outside of shop, no shop work. But i'd say dummies, not mannekins, not dummies.

Person kins? What person kids? Because then you're taking away the gender. Okay, moving on.

Okay, so have you ever got rage about something?

What I was about to say? I know it now get rage all the time. I'm keeping it down. I'm just trying to work out whether this would particularly raise you.

I don't really imagine it probably will do.

Do you ever get rage when someone has too much of something?

I'm usually the person that has to.

Okay, self loathing can happen.

I think there probably are circumstances when people have too much things. I guess that's what you just said there. You know, like if you're going to.

A carvery okay, yeah, where you can put your plates.

Yeah, and then somebody takes all the like potatoes, well it's just a badly stopped car. If it's taking all of that's just greedy.

As long as they eat them, I have no problem with that. What irritates me is they take a load and don't eat them all.

Do you know what really gets on my nerves? People who when something is released, We'll say Barbie Doll. I mean, I don't know why, but person buys twelve of them, Okay, so nobody else can have them.

That gets on my tits. Yeah, just buy a different Barbie Doll. I wanted that one, Okay. I can tell well, this is a gentleman called Myron Bully oh okay, who has been sentenced after beating someone to death with a baseball bat for taking too much natural cheese.

What I can see, you can.

See you've got a lot of sympathy from. So he works in Las Vegas, Okay, in a petrol station or gaess station, and he grew angry at a gentleman called Isaiah Taylor right, who used up a lot of natural cheese, not all of it, just a lot of natural cheese on his natcho's, and then broke the machine by using it.

To Oh, we see there's more to this, they isn't there? There is a rage about cheese. It's more than just I've had all the cheese. It's now you broke it, and now I have to fix it. You have to phone someone else.

But yeah, beat him mercilessly with a baseball, but lots of injuries, blood pouring out of his face and that sort of thing. A passer by said, I'm going to phone nine ninety nine, and the guy went and thanks to him as well. No, I'm not forge he needs to learn a lesson. I mean, I do not hear all the cheese.

I'm agreeing with the sentiment, perhaps not necessarily the actual way he dealt with it.

If you had a baseball bat and you got raised. So I have no doubt in my mind.

You know, there's been occasions when have been like meals with family and friends and somebody's making that disgusting clack noise. Yeah, I literally had to sit on my hands because I want to get my and smash the face into the table, do it?

Can you wed? Now? Can you hear it?

See?

I think we would be friends currently in prison, okay, till he could be a special friend. He's pen friend. Yeah, I cannot. I cannot see why cheese would make someone so angry.

Lesson learned goodness me Betty still goes back and gets some cheese. But he does, and he's.

Like, Marin's in prison, so he'll be fine. He's going to stop him down. I'd send him videos just giving yourself a cheese book? How are you.

Cheese?

I think that's going to be the cheese Boukaki autobiography. I think that's going to be the T shirt Daddy please don't call me daddy new shirt And he says a little bit dramatic and we could take out the words a little bit.

And if likely you like.

To live in a sealfy deluded state, why not share that with us? It's at the cod TV on social media and that brings us nicely to our story of the week.

Now, I've just realized that my hood has fallen off my shoulder a little bit cheap.

It's like, hello, did I get even in your private life? Just don't Now we have a history. You and I are talking about animals on substances. We do because you, like I do, like an animal that's cokeds its tips. Okay, good news, Well not really. It's quite sad at the end. But there are two hundred horny, coked up hippopotamuses.

Where do I go?

Right in Colombia, So Pablo Columbia and Colombia, because that's so you know Pablo Esco, no drug blood Oh okay, yes, yeah, right, he had a zoo on his estate, on his coke factory. Well his estates, code factory wasn't on his estates. He lived separate, right to work. It was an annex. We had himself a little zoo with with some hippos. Right, and when he was arrest one hundred no, no, no. When he was arrested in nineteen ninety one, right, the authority's like, oh,

Okay, they're quite quick.

So since nineteen ninety three they've been fornicating and creating more, creating more hippos. So that was over two hundred wow, right, and they're looking at what they can do with these hippos.

Are they on that or are they on crack the coke top? Yeah? How are they? Where are they getting the cocaine from the dealer? The dealer?

Where dold you think they're getting to cocaine from?

Where they get the money for the cocaine.

That's the question that was asking, right, But the Columbia government that they can't do anything with them, right, they're looking at like sending them back to where they came from.

Back to where they came from where I've just been involved to Africa. Well, they didn't come from Africa. They're native to that country now because Pablo Escobar brought them over the original settled. Yeah, but so the Columbia government have thought about a way of dealing with them because they can't ship two hundred hippos, right, So it's cracked out horny ones because they're banging at it NonStop. Where rather getting the cocaine from it grows naturally. Cocaine grows naturally.

It's a leaf, right, and you chew the leaf and it gets and that's where you get the came from.

Doesn't give you like a massive but right, I do not know that clear herb so Horney because they're chegging.

Right, So what Columbian government have said, it's the only way we can deal with them is to call them. They're going to kill all these horles, all of them because they're not native. They shouldn't be there. And the only reason they're doing that is because each one produces over twenty two pounds of shit a day and they're doing it in a river.

Wow.

Yeah, So it's it's an environmental nightmare. They weren't shitting so much, they'd be okay.

Oh, it's okay, all right, off the tits on naturally grown cocaine. It's fine shitting in our water not having it, no, because it's they need it for them. Can you eat hippos? I don't suppose you can. You can eat pretty much anything, because that could be you know, okay, meat meat. If we're going to have to get rid of them some way, okay, just explode them all. Okay, that's all from them this week, stick around, that's coming up. We have a game to play in our Game of the week, Welcome back, and

So the quit this game is I'll give you a riddle. You just have to solve it.

What do I have to do? You have to solve a riddle. Solve a riddle.

Okay, mm hmm, right, So first riddle. If two snakes were to marry, what will their towels.

Say hisses and hisses? No, it would be his and hers.

Oh yeah. What can you hold in your right hand, but never your left hand?

Your own right hand? No, your left hand. What can you hold in your right hand that you can't hold in your left Yeah, you're like.

The right hand in your right Put your right hand in your left hand now so you can hold that one you meant the other way around? Yeah, yeah, that's correct, your left hand, that's what you can't hold yeah, very very large piece. Okay forward, I am heavy backward? I am not what am I?

I don't know? Quite dancingly having the guest forwards, I am heavy backwards, I am not what am I? My dead brother? Do you have a dead brother? He ain't heavy? It's my brother.

Way.

My mind works once you have to be dead. It's just for the best.

Put him out of his misery.

No a ton? What a ton? Oh? Okay? Heavy backwards?

It's not.

Grand? Yeah? Back on? Okay? Cool?

Who has married many women but has never married?

Priest? No? Catholic? Praise? No? A church?

Church, the church, the church a building?

Who has married many women?

What?

Who has married many women but has never married? I don't. I can't think of anything else? A prob from with praise? What's a priest? Well? What I said that he did? Don't you slap your joy buzzer at me? You knew what's wrong? Okay? How do you drop a raw egg at a part shop? Okay? What do you call a bear with no teeth? Good time? When you're thinking bat, you're thinking grizzly? Are you thinking either or really?

Neither?

Or either?

Well?

I can get to my house.

To us.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? Anything you want to to bite? You got me to death? No, I've given you a hint. It could bear. I've got me bear present buses. I don't get it.

Then, okay, what has many rings but no fingers? I have got ten fingers before you start. You've had many rings.

I have stuck your finger in many rings.

Delicious onion rings, right, bomb hole rings, saturn?

No?

Oh, a phone, a telephone, a telephone ring ring. It doesn't have any fingers, ring, just rings, many rings, that's correct it. I hate him when he does that. You hate me like when I do that? What breathe? No? When you fake that, I've got it wrong, And I know that I've got it right. You don't always know you're gonna feels so wrong? What you doing that way? I feel like i's sening to it.

I was.

Then it's so wrong.

Big red mouth here memory? What can you break without touching it? You touch your hymen before you start?

Wind? No, not wind, because technically you touch it, well, technically touch it with your gay parsehole somebody's heart. I think, Cheryl, the speed of sound.

Because you're touching that, because that's actually a pressure wave. But are you because you're touching the pressure wave?

But you.

Yes, because you're touching the pressure wave.

Think Cheryl Cole or tweety or whatever she'd call by it at the minute, watch can't Break and Cheryl Cole, you had a song do you do? And that's why it goes a loud?

It's just a girls lody Cheryl Cole's girls loaud that sang my song the.

One that I'm supposed to be thinking, no.

Yeah, or something that you can break without touching it. That's to do with Cheryl Coleah, she had a song about touching something, but not about something else that you can break without touching it. I don't know the promise. She didn't have a song called the promise. It was skills allowed to have a song called the promise.

I changed. That's why I said that didn't mutual call my girl's loud.

I did say, Okay, I sometimes run, but I can't walk?

What am I? And it's not you? This can't warm?

But sometimes I run, Yeah, sometimes I had Sometimes I'm scared.

Of you, but all I really want to do is to hold you, squeeze you tied.

You dang h who sang that song Britney spears, indeed allegedly allegedly.

What can I can sometimes run, but I can't walk? Time no, time can't run. I don't know. I don't want to do Gona game show anymore. Mike, why don't get it? It's awful? We're riddled instead? What what was it that? Definitely it's a nose?

Oh no, you're gonna do the alien thing now, aren't you?

No?

Are you sure?

No?

Im't do it a bit later.

It has keys but no locks. It has space but no room. You can enter, but you can't go inside. What is it?

Is it the dark room at the Eagle on a Thursday evening?

Ah?

They told me, is it a compute? It's not a compute. Ah, listen to the gallery. I don't know. It's a keyboard stick around because coming up next we get our cooking on with Everyone Loves Fanny. Welcome back to Chewing the cud and now we get to drips with the delights in the kitchen as everyone loves Fanny.

Everybody loves Fanny.

What we're saying now, hold on hello me Fanny, h I have no words?

So to daily we're going to be making a delicious fruit salad. Oh okay, I'm using the All Natural cookbook again, All Natural Natural Cookbook.

Okay. So the first thing we're going to do is we've got you've got a selection of fruit and lovely thing.

Okay, but we need to make it a little bit more than just a plate of fruit and lovely things.

I have given you a cup with some very hot water in you have, indeed, and then the sheet of gelatine. Gelatine, yelatine, webblue Robbie gelatine. Yeah, I have got it, wonderful. What is it? Is it vegan?

It's not vegan money, I don't do it, then you're not veganly. I've just said there's this vegan want a way through a sausage before we started recording, so I don't mean like a sausage roll either.

So we've got some gelatine. I've just watched to pop it. Give it's a bit of a squish and pop it in your water.

Okay.

What's gelatine made of It's made from beef bones.

Beef bones, Yes, this particular is made from beef bones. So you just want to fall into a little treat. It won't break, So you're just gonna go to get it sort of fit into the water.

There.

We don't drop it in. There we go and we're just going to leave that for a few months to soften. And so while that softens, we do have an extra agree to add to this mixture, which is in your little cupboard to the side, in a bottle.

Okay, be careful just to get the bottle out. I don't mind put it. You've got a little bottle then, yes, yes, okay.

And so from the All Natural Cookbook we are using ceiling.

I'm not touching it then, why not? Because I don't want to. I'm vegan.

It was donated by a very rendered bee. So you just want a couple of a couple of drops of the seaming. It takes a little while to come out because it's it's very thick.

The gentleman, oh, lovely wallpaper paste. A couple of drops of head. It doesn't smell like ammonia, so I'm not I'm assuming it's not actual. It's very very fresh.

H there's a couple of drops.

One more.

Okay, So now what we're going to do now is we're going to mix that up with a little tool. You can use a vibrator if you wish it hope. But we've got little tools and so what you're going to do is you're.

Going to mix it.

Okay, we'll give it a swerve. And as you do that, it's good to air rate what happens if.

You no oh did you hear that noise? I did hear that? Nice?

Yeah, So once you've got it going, start okay, and then you're going to slowly, carefully pull it up, because what that's good to do is that's good to create a phone. What'm going to use a phone? So slowly pull and it will start to raise the phone up for you. It raises it up so you can stand on the mountains.

Is that enough poam? Why you want to get it? Will fill the glass if it'll fill in time? So you see what I'm.

Doing here, How it's going up slowly and then I'm going down deep into the seamony water and pulling it up but slowly.

You're getting on that has a little bit of foam, see, but not as much. Are you raising it up?

Are you raising it all the way up? Yeah? M m hmm.

I'll see what he's doing.

Is he able to get it up? Can you see, I'll see.

Is that all foam?

Is that? What?

Sorry? Is that all foam?

But you should have a lot of films. So if you can have a look now what I've got here is I've got a very very foamy mixture.

It's slightly loose. Mine's not as as big as that, okay, but there is some foam. There is some pham. Okay, you've done not very well patronize a bitch.

Shit at whisking shit. So once you're do that, we're going to let that set. So I'm going to actually to pop that to one side for a while so it can set.

I don't think it's sufficiently mixed. I don't think it's not to.

Use this whisk See, if you're better with a different tool in your hand, maybe turn it off before you withdraw it.

Obviously doesn't use a vibrator. There we go. You see that has more power.

Okay, let's say about portrayed in their tools.

Look at the phone on that now, hands in the way, your sausage fingers out of the way. M huh, okay, in your own time. Sorry, I'm sorry. You want it to go right, don't you.

I'd like it to go right, But I've ever seen your previous Is that enough phone?

I think that's plenty of phone.

Now, I think you can just pop that to one side.

Okay.

So now and now I've given you a selection of fruits and a and a de kick.

Some chocolatey goodness. So I went on your plate.

You to arrange your fruit and your your chocolate goodness. And if you're going to present.

It's going to present it to who to your guests at a dinner party. Is a dessert? I know you don't have friendsly, but we'll imagine I'm feeling quite disturbed because you look very much like my year three teacher in school, and.

Has that aroused you someone a very hairy woman. You can be hairyly, that's not judge. Okay.

So have you arranged your froot in it in a lovely way?

I have, okay now, because the agility will take a little while to set.

So I've made made something a little bit earlier for you. Okay.

So if you have a look in your in your cupboard, you'll have a wine glass which isn't filled with wine. Surprisingly, it is filled with a seemingly foam does.

Not have an aroma.

It doesn't have an aroma, because again we used fresh cemen. So now what I wanted to do is I wanted to gently scoop some of that lovely foam out from the glass and place it lovingly on your your your food where just wherever you like, just decoration like they're doing the fancy restaurants where they say it's like a lime air mhm mhm.

And then you've.

Also got a little bit of a jelly as well at the bottom, which you can also use to decorate. Oh, I seem to have some on my finger. Delicious, what's this jelly?

Stuff? This jelly? Because what.

It doesn't taste of anything? That's the magical wonderfulness of seamen. Oh God, because it did. It's delicious.

There you go.

You've got a beautiful little dessert that you can impress your friends with. How does it taste?

It doesn't taste about anything.

It doesn't taste of anything. You want to try your other seemingly deliciousness.

God, taste of anything?

Are you questioning the emissions of my boys?

Well, tattoo water is what was just said down my ear? What is tatty Watterly? I believe tattoo water is a very northern, a very northern description of seamen, but it's not a good one because one doesn't want to be spurting out tattoo water. Yeah.

So you've got a lovely little dessert that you can wear your friends with and it's all natural, including the seamen.

It is indeed, yes.

And if you want something delicious, remember everybody loves Fanny.

Everybody loves Fanny. That was great, delicious. You even thought that they could be such a versatile in Yeah, I thought so true. That's almost the end of the show for now.

Remember to look out for our social media at the cud TV, and if you want to catch up with previous episodes.

You can always binge us on YouTube. Just look for you in the CUD. Thanks for watching and we will see you again soon. Bye bye