More Bits - Chewing The Cud - S05E01

Welcome to Chewing the Cud with Mike Ben and Rowe and Lee Robertson.

I said something very witty, very funny, and everybody was surprised. Hmm, hello, welcome to Chewing the cud. How are you doing, Lee? I'm fair to middling, fair to middling.

You're not overly happy, but not you know under.

Why not overly happy?

Oh?

You know it's the end of the year.

Things are things are going, but there is a new year coming, so that's okay.

Maybe not because this is January?

Is it?

Oh?

Lock, That's why I'm so down.

I just leave. It's fair to Middland. Well, we enjoyed last week look back so much we thought we'd do it all again. So here we are again. Sure we're watching some of the best bits.

Why not I can't. I can't look at you and read that. Just look at that that.

I will look at you, and you look at that. It will look on the cameras as if you're looking at me as you're doing that. Just don't do it with an accent.

I'm not going to do in an Indian accent.

Any accents, no accent, no accents. What's a Portuguese accent? I know, no, this is what it's kind of Spanish, Ye just do it in English.

It's fine, fucking northern then that's right, I.

Do say, just speaking normally. Then, So what was that fact supposed to be?

So Halloween?

I'm getting distracted by your or accents being terrible.

It's not mine.

It's the spirits, the spirit's accents.

Halloween masks what they used to do in the olden times, didn't have smith ifs and anything like that.

Rip the face of an animal, sticking over their own face like.

A pig, like a pig. That's what David Cameron was doing.

Quite possibly. Mm hmmm.

If there's another one of these gems.

Shall we channel it? Shall we show? Shall we see.

If it's called.

That's one a funny part?

I have no idea what it said.

Did you know that vampires can't stand steaks? Can I fakes? Because it gets through the heart?

Okay, kills them? Oh yeah, so so that role roll spooky VT that was just even a backfield.

Oh how attractive, stunned? Did you know that it's very rare to have an actual full noon and Halloween?

What happened every nineteen years?

And so schedule sounds nothing back all, ha, what a rude way.

I didn't know I did, because all I can hear is the backing.

Well, you know, passing ears checked with your Smithy's wake over Yeah.

Not Smith's Okay, I was on basics.

Well, I think I think we've learned thing. What did the were wolves say something about moons that people that assume because it's Halloween and it's a full moon, but in fact that is not true. Okay, only ever every sort of like nineteen years, and then.

It's only twenty eight days that you get full moon. And then so at first of Octobers on it once every sixty five, so it's taking one.

Yeah, it's all about ball hair as well. I wasn't quite sure.

And now we get ready as Lee takes us on, sometimes possessed the auto of you power, Christ compels you literally perry. Now it's time, Ela, and now it's time for.

We need an old priest and a young priest.

One for the experience, one for the stamina, a sensible seventy four. I don't know why having a bi get there's ours.

But there's no penis.

Because it's not allowed to watch too much penis.

But there is a floating bombing a floating um. Yes, he gets him, holds him from behind, and then they levitate off the floor.

Okay, Jesus, we'll need to do that again, just because it will have low level.

They say, cap Jesus takes it off the ass.

M h if you can fire? If that that starts rubbing against yours?

What talk of me?

Like?

All the very quiet today?

It three times and I'm thinking, are you going to put that down or not?

I forgot to put it. It's not the chune I have in my head, is it, Paul?

I want to close up on one of my pink chins.

For actually, if you could wipe your cleavage out for us, please?

Oh okay, fallow my face to the.

Hello they come.

So remember if you cannot be a crafty queen. Oh no, that's not it is.

It can't get any pin remember.

Yeah.

And I've got it now, Yeah.

I just I just need to make a change in my head. What game would you like to play? Because I've realized I've gotten a goby game show fluid addition.

Oh I don't want one. No, no, I don't want that.

Because I was I thought I made a mistake on those I thought I was going to be that and I was going to do.

It, but I don't know.

Do you care?

I don't care as long as I don't have to go gold stuff.

Okay, I'll do the go by game show?

But what how do I do that?

It was a kazoo. Yes, I'm going to ed you. You correct? So the last one?

Now, m M? Is it a song or is it.

A theme tune?

It's the you won't get it?

Oh? Well, I don't know.

It is Dean? What? Who is Dean?

Who is it? What was it?

It was the theme tune from Hoby City.

Oh I don't watch that.

They can't.

It's been off the Yeah, never mind, stick around because after they break. Now I'll do that again because I flubbed my words a little bit then and it wasn't very professional. So I'll do it again. Stick around as after they'll you off? You in there putting those words and what are wrong? Stick around because next it's Mike and that's science.

That is.

You can hear the youth beats, pound is the erace across the ground, the clatter of the wheels as they go round and round. Called him Ernie Bernie, and he drove the fastest nook cart in the West.

I want to take hold of this and then slam it. Why I just do stop singing that song? Okay, just stop it.

The pretense of being pleasant has dropped rapidly.

Pretense wick poke or on cans in the gallery?

Right?

Anyway, have we still got to that minute?

I have seen I've been to New York. I just wanted to struck that and a couple of times. And I've been to the Madam two Swords in New York City and there is a wax work of him in there, kind of before he became an actor wrestling times. Yeah, so he's like leather pants, a buckle, he has some hair, he has the eye thing going up there like that, which looks more convincing than.

That. When was it you were in New York a while ago?

About sometime the past?

Did it start with nineteen It didn't.

Start with nineteen, No, it was in the naughties, And then there was a period of time where I didn't go, and then I went again.

And now we're in the period of time we've not gone.

And now yeah, and then I may go again.

Who knows, who knows?

Who knows? Welcome back to this hour. Look at the things we have been up to A retress respectives that the words I was supposed to say. I don't know anyway it was really.

This is scripted, but luckily this is our outtakes show. Shall we watch more of the times that he's done it so well?

With his mouth open?

It's fine, Okay, okay, bring it back down, bitch. We've done.

We've got we did it, we've done.

We're leaving the fun bit in. It's a clip show, Yeah, roll the clips.

Welcome, stick around because next it's Mike in the No, it's.

Not, it's just whacking the What are you saying?

I was just going to put you are welcome? But stick around because next it's Mike with the horrifying both.

Okay, so theme tunes since you like those ones?

Horror alured to the Adams family.

That was, indeed this interesting family. They just say that because they watched the reviews of the Halloway episode. Where did the egg thing?

The egg thing?

Mm hmm, well, oh.

It's black? Had it is black? I thought it was something else?

What did you think it was?

I want to say, Reginald.

Perrin, no idea what that is? Yeah?

Rise and Fall of Reginald perriin Engage Jesus Here Ronald McDonald down.

I'll do it myself as fine.

He's doing the game. Got me to do the game?

Yeah, thanksolutely was it exciting? Or stick up?

Stick up?

I can't you.

Wish I could quit?

Oh, the last episode that's got out.

Right? That song really mm hmm.

I say, I've got the Gallery singing one song in my ear, but I know that it isn't the song that.

You are singing.

They're singing Scooby Doo, and I'm thinking that that is Scooby Doo, although that is not the tune.

Okay, so what is it?

Is the answer I'm saying that, I don't know. They've they've found a new thing to do, haven't they.

In the Gallery it's called Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana.

That is not Scooby Doo theme tune, is it. It's not.

No, it's very different in lyric and in composition. In the last episode that's going to go out this week.

Right while he was doing that, I can't remember, but I can't remember why I was doing that.

Now, when you spend this round of this is a difficult thing to keep. I will take off the wig and put on a that was your cables love. I think it just tripped over. And now Lee takes us on a ghost hunt around a bandage.

Was an abandoned I hate those abandoned ones, just like the full one.

Snacky snack stack, snaky stacks, Oh.

Wending machines. That's something need to break heart, would you like some more?

Shove it and you're gaping more, Grandma, it's your last Christmas, yea, make the most of it.

I had an elderly relative that we had that whole is the last Christmas conversation with nine times?

And they're still here.

No they're not now, they're dead now.

But it was they've gone, now, they've gone.

Now we finally got you know, we finally guessed, right, was it the year that.

You didn't bother askin now and they went?

But you know it's like, oh, we have to do that and that and that because it could be the last one. Every Christmas is the last Christmas for everybody, could be because last Christmas is always your last Christmas. Hey, the last Christmas Christmas thirty two was last Christmas. Okay, we're going to have another one. Well, we've always had a last Christmas.

Deep. I'm gonna put a little extra in, so I'm going to use half of the other leaf.

Okay, do we need the other leaf at all?

If you don't need if you don't want to use it, if you're happy with the amount that you've got in, that's fine. Interesting if you want to be shady. There's plenty of queens that have been on drag rows that will say other things about RuPaul being not so favorable. One of them was an ex hairdresser who's also a queen, who every time they went into the the dressing room was like, oh, that's a lovely smile because RuPaul has had this oil burner on and said what is it?

You know.

So I think there's two sides to everybody, isn't I.

Think everybody's got a stage persona and the public face, and then they've got a very intimate personal version, like.

I'm horrible off screen and on and that's the end of this week's show business.

Yeah, I got more faces than the town clock, and every single one of them is miserable.

Four.

Anyway, that's almost the end of the show.

Why are you here? Why are you near my face? There we go.

That's almost the end of the show for this week. Okay, so this one I've chosen different. Okay, mm hmmmmmm.

Mm hm. That was the gallery's fault for laughing when I started. Okay, mm hmmm. Finding it difficult to get out of bed in the morning is called what.

Being tired?

No, it has a specific word lazy, no, lethargy.

No, we have to have some options.

Oh sorry, So we're going to go with either Mesania or Desania.

Sannia? Was that not Peter Andre's song?

And that was insane?

I'm going to go for that anyway.

You are correct.

For that?

Is that is the official term for difficulty getting out of bed in the morning.

Well, consider me decided. That's mighty interesting.

But no done illegible handwriting that I think for that. But that's all for this.

That's all for this week. Okay, it's a thirty three minute episode. Who cares?

I'll after I after there's some fluid over there? Where is the fluid on.

The desk in the big bottles? Oh god, one second, I'll pass you some of this fluid than they are. Oh, there's plenty, there be lots more.

Oh what have you got today for us? Mike?

Well, I have glary, scary eyes.

Normal, very scary, I say normal. I have a story about dating beyond the grave.

Oh yeah, No, one's.

Put twenty p in me for a while.

It's a lie.

You're watching our best bits, the good, the bad, and the occasionally for me, what do you think back over the past year. I think of all the things that we've done, what's been your least favorite?

Right now, right now, very second, this very very moment in time. I'll never get that back.

About a couple of weeks ago when you got drunk and then go let's have a nice Paul and after meals to smell done.

I was like booze. I was like, taste that booze.

It tastes like alcohol.

Boos and alcohol all our con tastes.

Say, doesn't this taste lovely?

How many bottles are that did you bring? Man?

Just before?

Just the four?

Because I was I was flaying like within Europe. So oh a hundred mills has to fit in the plastic bag?

Oh right, okay.

I took out my little plastic bag with all the tooth toothpaste and all that sort of stuff. Loop came back with just booze, just booze. Yeah, all of the tortures were left behind.

All the little miniatures. So do you have a little poet before you get a better aneth to send you up to Bobby's.

No nom normally.

But that's almost the end of the show for now.

Don't forget. You can find us on at the cud TV on your social media networks. Thanks for watching. We'll see you all soon.

Yeah, that was very interesting. Yes, thanks for watching. No, do that again? Do that again?

Yes, yes, I'm drunk again. I said something very witty. Everybody laughed and everybody moved on. It's unusual. Oh hello, and welcome to Chewing the cud.

How are you doing, Lee, I'm doing fair to middling.

Oh no, the mics are on the wrong side.

Not mic is on the wrong mine as well.

You're putting on now.

Now it's back.

It's about a Florida man who has been arrested after having sex with an ice pack. So, gentlemen, Terry Major's

Okay, wow that happened.

But you can literally.

Google a Florida man and at any dates and I'll call with a suggestion, Well, second is a grand to take a photo of because he's proud.

It's for the social medis.

This is why you Muscu destroyed Twitter pictures like this. This is why we are moscues destroyed Twitter because of pictures like this.

I don't give a fly a right. Where would you like them?

I've lost my list.

There's a list.

There's a list of things she's going to say because this is real, honestly, because wegi boards aren't again, were reminded by Mattel Okay, you know, just after the sewerage leaks.

Yeah, I just it's I need I'm just gonna calm myself.

It's the equivalent of that American woman that makes things wrong on purpose to wind people or other coup of lady or putting things in like boiling. Just no, you do now on purpose? What I would have liked to have seen. So the rage has taken me now I'm just gonna have to lake is that a shark would have would have come right out of the water and bitter head off and gone, oh spicy and then sank.

Beneath one of those same was talking, yes, choosing not to enable that discussion, enable.

That you put jam on in bread under.

A toaster's cutting into my showby's time. So there's been shows still work.

No the last so Danny Beard, it has been, has been proclaimed the new national treasure after appearing on Lorraine and questioning where she was. So so Danny Beard was obviously he won the last season of The Great UK.

Was the last one of the one before that.

It was the last one because he's doing the extra show. Yeah, so he won the last one, which is four.

We're on five now because he was in the same one as Thinging, wasn't.

He So we had the Vivian Lawrence Cheney.

Mm hmm, yeah, okay, yeah, I got confused with.

The Okay, So he was on Lorraine being interviewed about drag Race. And this was kind of like in half term, and so first of all, he didn't know what show he was on. So he was on with Christine Lampard and he was kind of like saying, he said something about it.

We wanted to talk. He said, oh, am, I allowed to swear on this morning, and she went no, and we're on Lorraine, and so that there he is chesting to Christi a Lampard and then he went Lorraine, where is she? And there was this sort of confidence.

So basically everybody has there's this elephant in the room that Lorraine has it written in her contract ever since she started doing this that all the school holidays she has off. Her child is now in her thirties, so it doesn't really need to have the.

Half twins off waiting for grandchildren.

He said, he said, he said, she's off, she's off again, and he had, I mean kids aren't even in school no more.

It was like twenty nine.

And obviously that the Presida couldn't comment, so she went it's confusing, isn't it, before before bursting out laughing, and Tony was Jackie, well, that's me never being allowed back on the show.

But yeah, which one?

Which was?

He basically has said what everybody else has been thinking for decades. Why is she off on half term in school holidays when her child's in her forties.

We've just had ten years on.

She's got she's she's got a good deal there.

What I love is the fact that she she's not Lorraine, she's the character Lorraine. Well, yeah, as a tactic, Yes, I think that's brilliant.

Well we can get away with what she's clearly getting away.

Away with it, and she's no, it's a character in real life. I have the same name.

Absolutely, that's what she says. Well, she doesn't say that, That's what I'm saying anyway. I just was an amusing little tippit.

I would put National Treasure on there, perhaps, wouldn't witty witty comedy in the moment, yes, yes, yeah, not.

At the moment.

You turn off, turn off you, Oh my god.

We've got.

Next.

It's a conslot mm hmmm.

You get that, you get the first spur of the jazz talent, the talent Jez.

Mostly dust, the creme de la creme.

M now Louis Armstrong down the earpiece, I see trees.

Color blind Louis arms don't.

So.

We didn't see trees of anything any color. You just saw great trees. RESI is too the color blind.

He was color blind. Okay, let's do one more because I'm losing the will.

Oh well, take me, take me, kill me.

Okay, ghost doll Scary went away and now she's back. Chucky, not Chucky, not female version the.

Bride of Chucky. Now, both of those are horror films.

Both of them are horror films. Thank you, but you're not the ones that I want.

Thought you're gonna get No, do you know what?

Do you know? What? Where is it? Where's my scream? And that's the end of that.

Oh okay, great, thanks lently. Yeah, it's still me because it's a different than a normal program. Yeah, the other took.

The course.

See what is that sound?

Oh great, thanks lautly. That was fun. Difference between ten years and twenty five is quite big. Anyway, stick around because the autocuse moving. I don't know now what I'm saying. Welcome back to chewing the cud. Some of my favorite things have been when I'm going to say that Lee gets things right, very rarely happens with the face.

What is with that face.

I'm just not appreciated in my own time. It's fine, you're not appreciating your own time or future.

Times in the past or in the past the other time.

Through my ring and so I had to take my ring off to get.

The good just torsking, it's such a pasty bustard.

Yes, we have done the bananas.

Oh we can mention, then we have because we have some feedback. Have we positive from who?

Pole doesn't count.

He's block from watching this ship.

How would we have had feedback if it hadn't gone out already.

I may have posted a photograph as the as the episode was aired. I may have posted a photograph, and we've had to consider.

Well, I'll just keep it, keep it.

Just just looking at what these what les lies Lee's found. Reese doesn't count as feedback. He likes everything.

I think there's more than just one feedback.

Also, Stacey loves everything.

These are the people that watch my two people don't alienate the fans.

This is Dave Brooker and his pets. Two year old Turkey Tea two T two. Turkey Tea two, not just Tea two. It's called Turkey too because it's his second.

One Oh, okay, what did he eat? The first one died? Then did he eat it?

Doesn't say I think he hate it?

He's not you.

Free turkey?

There? Is he a farmer?

Not a farmer?

No?

No?

Is he American?

Is English?

Is he?

And he goes to the dentist with.

Him, even he goes shopping with it, goes everywhere with him.

Is it? Is it one of those help animals? Is it classed as one of.

Those emotional support and let me see if he's an emotional.

If it's not, then you ain't going to be bringing that turkey in the supermarket. Don't be bringing it in my doctor's surgery.

No, it doesn't say he has raised it from a chick and she's like my child. It is what Dave says, what's with the face? What were you thinking?

Then I'm not saying anything. If I don't know, he's not ury turkeys like his child. Okay, well, I hope they're both very happy. You genuinely think that he's I don't think he's. I don't think he's You don't think he's. Well, I know, I don't think that there is a but you know, who's to say? You know whatever?

Whatever flows about If you think of Turkey is a valid pet, go for it. They're very happy together.

I'm sure they will be very happy together for a very long time, or until Christmas. And that's all from the bus This.

Week two thousand and four and one hundred and twenty nine million dollars at the world wide box office. We've got a picture of the new cast that are going to be in the musical. I don't know any of their names.

I don't like they're going to play Well, the high schoolers, aren't they.

But normally when they get people to play high school they're in the mid forties.

Well, yeah, I say that. None of these are in the mid forties. I don't know who's going to play who. I haven't researched. It's not a clue, not a clue.

Yeah, I don't care. I'm not keen on this. I don't think I will be going to see it unless it has good music otherwise.

But or for that, you just have to listen to the Mean Girl soundtrack't you.

Yeah?

Yeah, so yeah, that's coming out. But I think we're quite interesting to kind of see what the cast looks like. Now the original cast from the film r right now so we've got a we've got a montage of of of how they look.

So that's so bottom corner. Gretchen Wiener, a character.

Not not a real name.

Now she she's she's aged, well, she's aged.

Well.

Then we've got we've got Daniel Franziazi, who people might know a lot from drag Race. He's done a lot on drag races quite often. I guessed judge on drag Race.

Not a bit Barry.

I can see the vibe, a bit of an Italian.

Let him bit in my mouth.

I don't want keep saying that.

And then then we've got Jonathan Bennett, who played the love interest. Coincidentally, both Daniel and Jonathan are homosexual, and.

He also does a cake show.

He does do a cake show.

So it's got win win.

Which is bac and gay.

Yeah.

They make like really horrible cakes that falter pieces. Yeah. And then of course we've got Lindsay Lohand who now looks like a unwrapped mummy. Bless her.

You know when you find a chocolate has been in the car, right like a minature hero kind of thing, like a bounty. Yeah, and it's been in when it's got hot and it got cold up in the tops, a bit melted and a bit weird.

But feah, yeah, I mean she's had a trials and tribulations.

She has had a tough life, and I think she's recently.

Had a little baby.

Number ten one two three, size five, the one with the number ten on it, I don't know, it's for there.

And then another one there.

The one with the number ten on it. Not the number of them, No, I know.

But I don't know what you're saying.

That one there, Yeah, but not the.

Black label, not the white label, the one in the middle. That one there, What do you want.

Me to do with it?

Not that one?

That one?

That one? Thanks? Any quick swig?

Nice?

That's the story about a doctor who's basically helps one that was wearing contacts.

I'm not I don't like this story, and I know, but is it that she had like fifty seven pairs of lenses in her art?

How many did you have?

Any?

Three? Not looking at it? Not looking at it because it's disgusting. I've seen this. I'm not looking at I don't look, don't look. And if it comes on there, okay.

So doctor is forced from with twenty three contact lenses that have been stuck in the woman's eye and had never seen anything like it. This lady is from Newport Beach in California.

So what did she She couldn't get them out, so she just put another one and did that affect her vision in any ways.

And blurry she couldn't see. She thought she needed a new prescription. As they're doing the eye testing went oh no, it's not.

She a bit stupid.

I'm not saying yes. But the doctor basically had to just get them out. They were looking at it and went on another's one there. So they got a cute out here because they're very thin can and they go round, so they don't just like to sit at the front, not like putting on top of each other. They've gone underneath and all. So they've gone over here. So if you're looking for that, I don't want to do it as you do it, I.

Don't want to look at it my eyes. I don't want to And so they had to pull them all out.

So they just to pull them down. That is discussion. Don't feel them moving about. They stunk twenty three Oh no, because because.

No one after the twenty seven pairs. I'm not looking at them I'm not looking at I'm looking at them.

Yeah, I don't want to twenty three pairs.

I'm not looking at that one either. I'm not looking at it. I don't enjoy it. There was a thing.

There was something on Facebook and I thought, well, you know when you get like the stories and you think, oh, what's that weird and you click on anything?

Whyever? And there was there was not human. It was a lizard. And you know how lizards like shed their skin. Well, this lizard hadn't been able to shed the skin on its eyeball right, and they peeled it off.

Oh that was disgusting, didn't you.

Yeah, And then they pulled it out and it was horrible.

When they pulled they did the doctor Pinmple pop kin think, and they dig in and pull. I don't enjoy them grown hairs and things. You can't stop watching them, can you.

I don't watch that to pump. It makes me sick, but that kind of.

Want to get a hair and you see them pull out and it keeps going and they end up having.

Because I don't watch them. I only watched that lizard thing because I wasn't quite sure what it was. And then I realized, so I didn't enjoy that, Mike, thank you, Okay, don't want that. I would have put the jelly first and then the yoga. But still I think you'll you'll, you'll agree it is pleasing on the eye.

And think I will. No, No, I don't think I will.

This is this is something that when you go on like an expensive cruise.

No whatever, the next words out of your mouth are, no.

It's true.

They do this kind of thing on cruise ships.

No they don't, they do.

No, they don't they do, Mike.

No one in the history of the world has done this.

They have, and we done it. Now we've recreated it, and there we go. That's that's I'm I'm I'm pretty much impressed by that anyway, don't glare.

Well.

Thank you very much for watching, and we will see you all in the new year. Oh, thank you for watching, and we'll see you all soon.

Bye bye bye bye bye you.

Hi.

Can I be a