Lava Lamp Poetry - Chewing The Cud - S05E04

Welcome to Chewing the Cud with Dominic Berry and Mike Venue and Row.

And that will be my Grinder user name till the end of time. Hello everybody, how lovely to be here. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to Chewing the Cud.

Nice to have you back.

Oh, it's always good to be here, Mike David Bowie.

It is well done. Unofficial.

It's one of these T shirts that my mum's got for me online, like little independent artists and yeah, yeah.

On mom gets on line that it's like one arm is bigger than the other.

This is sort of Ziggy Starred our era where there was all those proper beautiful.

Outfits because gender fluidity is a new thing, apparently exactly exactly, Yeah, yeah, yeah, how are.

You doing mine? I'm good today here. Well, I'm not really hungover, are you before a show?

It's hard to be hungover after a show, drunk after a show. But today I have got a story who has been banned from a sporting activity after his bath romantics and it's not Oscar Pastorius. And then I'll bring you something really scientific and well barely scientific in that science.

Last how exciting, and yeah, we definitely have some poetry from me Dom's top Poetry. You can see our social media all along the screen. Now if you check that out. We are at the cud TV and there's names of people who have dropped us a line goal on the bottom of the screen. We got all to Dominic and the sherbusiness. Okay, so do you know in which country Eurovision will be taking place this year? England, Sweden? Sweden this year? But do you know who will be representing us?

Oli nice like an eighties banger.

So I'm someone who isn't always up to date with the current pop sounds. But Ollie Alexander, you know years and years been the It's the Sin cover version was.

Really really awesome.

And Ollie, yeah, Ollie is a you know, someone who I would say, my subjective view represents us queers pretty well, a political person. Olie doesn't hold back from opinions and looks magnificent. There. We are gender fluidity all the word that's gay chicken, that's not gender do you know where we placed in last years Eurovision.

We didn't win. We didn't win, so we lost. We were where we were.

We were second from last last year, second that to where we should be.

Yeah, the fact we came second the year before that wasn't People were shocked that.

Well.

You and I have talked before about about fast songs versus slow songs, and I am always in the camp of fast songs and bangers. So an nineteen eighties style banger. That's why I'm hoping for this year.

It's not gonna make us win though, is it.

Oh?

I think this is reverse psychology.

I think it makes me believe even more this is our year, Team.

Molly, I think there will you know it will be a good Can we change that picture? It just looks like he's trying to.

Is it out yet? It's like is he bottoming for the first time? There we go no one's grace.

So I think we'll build our hopes up and we'll just not do very well, as happens every single time.

Voice of Positivity we said, we said internationally claimed recording group Blue, and we did appallingly.

We even sent Gilbert Humperdink one year right on the promise that it's someone's granddad.

Don't give us a pity vote. No one voted. It's yeah.

Now now all change this year, all change. We're we're going to do super well. Feel it in my bones, definitely.

And it'll be a good show to watch. I'll enjoy watching it. Now.

Moving on, so Queer Eye. Do you watch Queer Eye?

I have two of them in my head, glorious.

Well, there are five folks on the Queer Eye Show, but one is leaving, one is heading off.

Bobby Burke is quitting the show. And what has caused.

A little bit of hubbub is a social media bub in social media, of all things, of all places for there to be hubbub. So on Instagram, one of them, which one is it?

Tan?

Tan has unfollowed Bobby and this load has been read into this now that it's like, you know what's going on behind the scenes. And I kind of think, I remember, I remember we took about David Bowie before, you know, proper proper queer Eye stuff from the from the seventies, and then a lot went on that you just you didn't get all the all the gossipy stuff back then. And you know, I I I think too much is read into whether somebody follows or unfollows someone on social media.

I think, yeah, I think.

You know, it's fair enough, isn't it that people work together and then you know, maybe.

They don't get on. That's all right, isn't it. That's all right, that's okay, that's okay.

I wish them both the best in their careers.

What do you reckon, Mike? I think the wrong one left? Do you? No? Not a massive town front.

I mean it does good work, and it's done some really good documentaries and stuff, and some of the things he's done about like growing up gay and Asian. Yeah, really informative and really powerful stuff. But I just don't find him enjoyable to watch. It's moving on, controversial, as the town has said, the wrong Phoenix died.

But moving on.

So being the grumpy old person I am, I'm often somebody to like slag off the social media and whatnot, and I don't do the TikTok I don't do I don't do that, but I do know Dylan mulvany and Dylan mulvaney I have thought she's a real, in my subjective view, real real.

Force for good. I think there's a.

Lot of a lot of joy in Dylan and a lot of honesty and you.

Know, overuse word, but bravery.

And the big news with Dylan is that her passport has the letter F on it that recognized as her gender in a passport in a legal document.

And and she's she's an American as well, isn't she?

Yeah, exactly, it's not an American passport.

That's that's a big step forward for America, I mean, especially considering all of the things that they've.

Not done quite very well recently. And there we go. There's the f.

Fantastic Do you follow the TikTok's my I do.

We are on TikTok show, which I'm featuring.

Wow, okay, yeah, we aren't at the cood TV. Wow on TikTok how lovely? Yeah, And I personally I'm on TikTok as well. I do like I doom scroll on TikTok a lot. I can quite easily go an hour an hour and a half is going through TikTok.

A well, that's lovely.

Take off your judgmental head, very, take off the judgmental head. I I think that if one is engaging with anything, be it like a show about pottery or baking or anything. There's in my head, there's no sort of hierarchy of of sort of intellectual well, it's just are you in aging with it or not?

Are you engaging?

So if you're on TikTok for an hour and a half and you think, yes, that's an hour and a half, well done, that's great. What I dislike is when people are like not engaging with it and grumpy and like, you know, I've wasted that time. You know, people make choice, their moan about their own choices, waste the I.

Don't think anything that I do is a waste of time. Good.

Well, there was that one guy. Oh, but yeah, it was that. I think that when I'm just watching TikTok and I'm just going through, just absorbing the content, that's not wasting time.

That's giving my time, my brain time, and that's new relaxed.

Yeah. I've spoken in the past about how nerdy I am over video games, and I don't think the video games are anything other than joyful ways I spend my time. But I'm not soone who like plays video goes and I'm doing nothing or I wish I was doing some You know, commit to to something. I write poetry. I like going out running, I like seeing my friends. And I think that people often moan about things that they

That's all I ask, Mike.

That's all I ask of our planet, engaged joyfully.

Is that too much to ask currently? Sir? Apparently so? Yeah, fair does.

Thanks for all that, Dominic, It's always good to know that you know Eurovision's coming nowhere near.

Okay, you are welcome right stick around, because next we have got Mike with the buzz.

Allo. Hello, you are.

Watching Chewing the Cud with me, Dominic, and this one over here is Mike, and we are going to go deep into the somewhat poorly lit web as it is.

Mike with the buzz. How do you feel about fish? Well? I do not eat fish.

I like, do you like them existing?

I applaud their being? Yes?

Why do you really applaud my poetry? I have an entire poetry show, actually, one of my ones, for younger audiences, about just how magnificent fish are swimming around sort of enjoying the water.

Yeah.

I do like fish actually, so yeah, tell me something lovely about fish that isn't about eating them.

Okay, this is about the fish called the Doomsday Fish.

Oh okay, so it's off the course of Thailand.

Misleading name. Is it cute and doomsday? How big is the doom It's massive, it's the oh my words, and it's not a happy fish.

So yes, it's eleven meters and it came out the ad Nancy earlier this month. Now, according to a votlo, when miss fish arrives and it's caught, it's a.

Sign of a bad omen happy New year, bad ship. It's about to go. Wow. When you get the.

Doomsday fish covered in spikes and it's not a very pretty fish, Wow, it's somehow hairy hairy fish.

When you're a creative writer and you send your ideas off, especially the children's shows, which for me often feature magic and monsters, sometimes editors will be like, oh, that's a bit far fur Actually it's like, have you googled deep sea creatures, because if you do, there is nothing in the ocean that my imagination has even come close to creating.

I mean, the things. You know, they've got see through things in the moments.

Oh yeah, yeah, No, no, don't like you know, seeing brains.

Oh no, No, they did the thing where you could they've filmed some of these these like prawns and you could see their blood going around and as they were eating and things you could know see.

I actually the doomsday fish doesn't look as horrific because I was anticipating.

It's not a pretty fish. It speaks very highly of you, Mike.

It should do gorgeous, But it's impending natural disaster because the thought is that when the bottom feeders, so they only come to the surfa.

No, it was a choice of one made up.

So they only really come up to the surface when when like waves are getting beat like tsunamis and stuff.

Right, So it's not just superstition. There is a science.

They've discovered the science behind me. But it started off as a superstition going this big fish is hit.

Oh no, could just leave the fish in the ocean, couldn't we We could just like not.

Firs.

Then how would we know that doomsdays if we take them out of the water.

I think I think in the current political climate, if you just say yourself is doomsday coming? Yeah, you're probably correct.

Yeah.

I do sometimes feel like I would be a great peacekeeper because I would just end the wall because everyone just blow each other up.

Guess what they just said about you moving on? Do you believe in UFOs?

I do believe in UFOs very much.

Okay, not a big believe in you phones myself, but I do believe there's a life outside.

Well that's what I meant by my I don't know if they've Yeah, I.

Don't think why would they want to come here. It'd be like going to skeag Nests. You'd go there because your parents major, because it was cheap.

It's like you to see a world slowly explode itself.

Yeah, but yeah, Alien's probably UFO is not so much.

Okay, unless you're living in Leeds. What has happened in Leeds?

A lady has photographed what she believes is a UFO following her, following her, following her.

Yes, it also resembles dr Who's Tardest.

Surprisingly, I don't know why I found this this story on the internet. I don't know the algorithms. I'm a movieing, but yeah, this is Katie she saw sharing above her house in Leeds.

So she took a picture of it.

Yeah, she's just it's not a star.

She doesn't know what it is.

It is what the doomsday fish was predicted, that is what it is.

Yeah, a looks like I think she may have been drunk while watching Doctor on Christmas Day.

And saw it. Wow. But yeah, she just looked particularly scared or freaked out in that picture. Fair analysis. Yeah, yeah, we don't have a picture of it.

I've not seen the New Doctor. Who there's there's there's a new.

Watch? Yes? Yeah, what's your review? What's your take on it?

Did you It's very difficult to mean to not love a Doctor Who. I think I have not loved one episode. That's because it had James. He ruins everything he touches. So yeah, it's but yeah, the new one loved it. Who's your favorite doctor of all time?

I'd have to say Matt Smith.

Ah, don't choice, well my doctor? So my first doctor was what's his face?

Tom Baker? No later than that, Sylvester McCoy, Oh really with ace? Ok, professor? Has Bonnie Langford been back in there? She has? What's she like?

She? She was the Sylvester McCoy heraouldn't she no testing you?

Now, I don't know the answer to that. She she was pre that it was Ace. That was right, right.

She irritated me, but he and if you get irritated by fictional characters on TV, join us at TV on social media. And that brings us nicely to our story of the week. Now, have you ever been accused of cheating?

Go on?

He said, not answering. Yeah, yes, integrity is everything myol. Michael James, Michael j the first four name.

Now, this is about a man in China who has had his basically his title of chess champions stripped and banned from participating for an entire year after being accused of cheating. The way they found out he was cheating was because he accidentally got himself in a bathtub.

He did what's in a bathtub?

Shat himself in a bath It was in the bath, right, and let's had a fart that was more than a fart.

He had chess pieces up his bottom. No, no, pool, it was pool.

So he put it in a bathtub, right, and that's unusual. Why has that happened? And it turned out throughout the entire competition he'd had remote control anal beads in right, and people were communicated to him with the pulses and vibrations, so he knew which pieces to move.

Oh, my goodness, may, my goodness, may.

So it had them in for so long and on such frequency settings and stuff that he basically give himself a prolapse.

No no, no, no, no, no, no, wow, so he did. Basically, it's not traditional chess. It's Chinese chess. I see. It's a massive difference. Dean Holses would be very easy with a normal.

Chess as yes, yes, no, But he had put in and someone was helping him from a distance.

That is stranger than fiction, isn't it that such things can happen?

Choices have been made.

Yeah, it's forty three Wow. Surely your facial expression would give it away, though, Well, it depends how immune to anal bead vibration you are, how used to it you are exactly, So you know, if he's got to the championship to win, it's going to be for a while. A life where one has grown immune to the vibration of anal beads.

I don't think that's a word.

It's not a life I would want Mike's like anybody. Maybe they had it on the starter setting just enough to tell them pulses and vibrations and things, or maybe maybe have the whole, the whole, full force on and it just doesn't flinch anymore.

Wow, perhaps in the bathtub something.

It's oh my goodness, he's lost in every sense of the words. Every single he could cheer himself up with the beats. It's like consolation because presumably they don't ask for them back, do they? The board of chest cheating? Uh, you know, loan them out and go.

It's time to hand it back in now, just run them under the sink.

Put them the dish. Question The question is was he if you use them again? Would he just get sad that he got caught?

Whatld it bring back? Like memories? Yeah?

Loser in every sense of the word.

How tragic, how tragic? Yeah. But the gallery of said that they're going to start using those.

They communicating with us as well, and from that pulsation, that's all from the buzz this week.

Thank you, Mike.

Well, I shall never contemplate vibrating anal beads in quite the same way now, So please stick around, because coming up we have something far more high brow. We have some poetry from me in Dom's Top Poetry. Welcome back, and yes you are watching Chewing the Cut.

Now we're going to have something a little different to our game of the week, as Dominic is going to read some of his poetry in Dumb's Top of Poetry.

So are you settled and ready to go down? Oh?

I'm always ready to go with the poetry. I've got another three for us this week, and my first one. We are coming to the end of January, or as some people call it, the Ganuary.

So I have for us a science poem.

I've only got one science pieme, and this is it, my science pieme, and it goes like this protein protein protein protein protein protein is a biochemical compound whose name the Zelias found.

Von Voitt claimed flesh makes flesh.

Then sang a sequence insulin Pritz prized hemoglobin, and the Swedish were impressed more studies on its benefits directed mutagenesis.

As Weismann had foreseen.

Now to give these claims such credence does not distract from this grievance. Where do vegans get protein?

Why exactly do you eat? Can't be healthy?

No meat such Shakespearean introspection between the facts to delve lament, be twelve or not be twelve? Surely that must be the question. It's simple to eat sensible. The soyer bean lacks cholesterol, is easily fortified, and cooked can taste exceptional, tongue tinglingly sensual.

And yes, it.

Does provide protein, as does peanut, butter, black beans, flax seeds, pecans, almonds, lentils.

And cash.

Choose, and yet here is my beef. People talk of my belief, and people question what.

I choose When I don't choose for pigs to feel, don't believe their pain is real.

That's fact, not myth, not needed.

So can we an evolution swap these myths for resolution? See the cruelty superseded. The fact of protein's chemistry are documents through history.

They're laid out, plain and clear.

So I hopefully wait for an honest, heartfelt date when proteins myths will finally.

Disappear. Thank you for listening. Are you trying to tell me you're a vegan? Well? In true vegan fashion, I don't like to make sure. I don't speak of it very often, you know.

Keep it to myself, you know, that's the phrase, I do you know, if you're threatened vegan, they'll tell you, my God, will they tell you?

Yeah? It's all true, all those things that do provide delicious protein. Absolutely. I have been quite often known to nibble on a handful of nuts. Right.

That's our first of three poems. My second one is another one of my older poems, which I've not said for a little bit.

So I thought, let's let's let's get it out for the show. Now.

I used to be back in the day that people kept their music on iPods. Now I'm still a person who treasures my iPods, but most people don't. For most people there long since forgotten. And that idea forms the center of this poem called I will not treat a friend like an iPod, because an iPod is a thing that's made to break, to use, and it doesn't work anymore, And throw it away, knowing money you'll get a better one,

We are family. I believe we can always be.

An iPod is just a thing which is made to break, but all.

Of us are built to sing. Thank you for listening. So lots of musical references there are they all on your playlist? Rale on my playlist? Absolutely? No, Actually no, Justin Bieber is not I put.

That in for a flatters value in a theatrical setting.

That's okay. I was I was just concerned. Yeah, anything and I'm one of those people. If you say, like, oh, remember this five years ago, I'm not yet five years ago ninety ninety five. Any pop culture references from post ninety nine, they all happened in one year, right, I am still twenty one.

My final poem is about something that I would absolutely love to do, and it goes like this. I wish I could go back in time and tell ten year old me that it is okay to be a.

Big girly boy. I want to tell him.

You will find joy in effeminacy and masculinity, reject the fragility of male identity. You will find as much affinity in the daring drag of David Bowie and the silver lipstick of Tricky as you currently do admiring the matcho muscle of he Man and all those other boys toys, which are okay to enjoy. But you have so much more about you than just a plastic action figure or cartoon. One day you will find room to grow and know

Thanks so much for listening. Cool, so ten year old you? So that was nineteen ninety.

Five, nineteen ninety I think I can remember my age because the last digit of my age is the same as the last digit of the year. However, that's depending on me remembering what year.

We're in, and I cannot do either. I cannot do either.

Yeah, it's quite a popular poetic technique where people write what they would love to say to their younger selves. In fact, if viewers would like to have a go at writing a poem themselves, I really recommend that as a place to start. Advice if you could send it back through time and guide your junior self on their journey.

What would you most like to say? That's a nice little tip.

So if someone you know wanted to start writing poetry, yeah, where would they they do that? I'll do that again because I started. I'm asking a boy out for a first date, and so you know, going back in time is a great way of starting that journey. So where would you recommend people start that journey? Is there a place you can go?

I guess it depends where you live.

For me, I moved to Great Manchester, where there is a wealth of events in person that you can go to and where possible. I think bringing communities together is the best.

Wow.

I grew up really rurally where that wasn't an option. But what we have now which we did not have when I was younger, is online groups. And there are so many supportive nurturing groups online for people that want to get into poetry, share creations they've made. I think that poetry is at its best when it's with other people, not a lonesome process just being on your own right.

Great, thank you very much for that done well, stick around because coming up next we have me doing.

As that is.

Welcome back to chewing the cards, and now we learned something we didn't need to know.

It is Mike in that science.

That is that's science, that is.

How do you feel about lava lamps.

I feel magnificently about lava lamps. I think they are beautiful and we're going to make a lava lamp.

Well, because the problem with lava lamps is they over time they've become cloudy because it's wax that they put.

At the bottom.

It's colored and then the rest is water and wax will slowly emulsify it into water. Okay, So that's why after a while ago a bit clouded, a bit weird. Now, what we are going to do is a lava lamp that requires no electricity. It's a chemical reaction lava lamp, okay, and it will settle itself back, so human technically lasts for.

So the first thing we need to do is prepare our vessel. Excellent, so you should you should have a vessel.

Right, Okay, I've got some stuff on my table, so it's the empty one.

The empty one is your vessel. Well, this is brilliant. This is what will become your lava lamp. Okay.

Now, because there's no electric involved, the lava lamp will required to be in a lit room, but it.

Was still that will be our body, that the love lamp. Right.

The first thing we need to do is create the thing that's going to go up and down and your bloodly bodied, bubbly Now you have been given some food coloring. Yes, yes, so I wanted to do with your food coloring is squirted into your vessel.

I believe you have red.

I do have one that has red written on it. I am I am a color blind person, so I wouldn't know it was red if it didn't have red written upon it. So into the one that's currently empty.

Yes, you do need to cut the tip off. I've just realized. Okay, so please pause you ready? Yeah, so you have a tip on it, you have to squeeze off.

M second, well, I've currently got camera five on, so I'm trying to work at which one is that when you want?

Okay, okay, so I.

Want you to empty your you're gonnet into your vessel, but just get it into the bottom.

Okay, I'm gonna make a mess here, I know it, right, Okay.

So the whole thing, Yeah, whole thing into the bottom. But besides, try to not get it on yet. You just want it at the bottom.

You that lovely fatifying noise? What is a fluid fart? I got a little bit on the side, is it?

That's okay? We will be adding water in a moment, okay, right, yeah, job done. Okay, so popular back on because there's still be some of colorant in the lid on.

Okay, And now into that you want to put some a tiny amount of water.

I just put the lid on, no double food put the lid Okay. I want to put some water in there?

Right?

How much? Okay? So you want it to go so the metal bit is just above the.

Metal, just above above the metal okay, okay, and then give that a swirl around.

Okay. You want the food coren to dissolve in the water. This is really exciting. It is is Okay.

What were we saying before, doesn't maraf it's scrolling on TikTok. It don't matter if it's you know, making a lava land. If you're engaged with it fully, then it's a beautiful thing. And this is yeah, this is I'm on board for this.

I'm on boards. Cool.

Now I'm just going to move my water out the way.

And now you also have some oil oil. This is vegetaturblar oil alrighty okay, And then I want you to, honey, I do open these things. It's difficult.

There's a thing with a thing, yeah, yeah, you just find it.

There is all the way around. Okay.

And now you're oil, you want you want to kind of dribble it into because you don't.

Want to mix it up too much to start with.

Right, So you're going to dribble your oil into your vessel?

And how much? Almost full? Almost full, craw almost full. Because oil, it's basically light of the water, it floats. Oh, this is science okay.

And so what we're going to have to do, we're going to have to chemically propel masice. How much works out than it is the fluid at the bottom through the oil, and then it will fall back down again hopefully.

Wow.

So this is about how much oil I use when I'm making myself a curry.

I hope you'd better oil and this stuff, though probably not. I've done it almost to the top. Is that too much? Oh no, that's fine, Yeah, that's fine. Okay, I put my oil away as well.

Now here we have oil on top, yeah, colorful liquid.

On the bottom. Okay.

We need to excite the fluid at the bottom and so get it to rise to the top. Yes, and then what will happen is when it becomes less excited, it will droop back.

Down again, right, story of my life. Yes, So we'll excite it a trop Okay, now to do that.

You have an effervescent tablet okay, okay that.

Some people use when they have a mouth hangover. You wouldn't know about such things, would you, Mike.

Now, okay, Now what we want to do is you want to pop the tablet into into the oil and in this art. Yeah, but we need to add put the lid on very quickly. Oh okay, okay, okay, So you want to pop the tablet in lid on pretty much.

Straight away and make sure it tires on tight.

Oh gosh, this is this is where human error can come in. This where I can so pill in and tighten up right, okay, three two one w scruin.

What happens is.

I'm going to put mine in and there'll be a little bit of a delayed reaction because as it goes in, it covers itself in oil.

Okay yeah, But then as oil floats it will naturally take itself off.

Now, if you have a look, you started to you've started to do my word, yeah, and I started to rise as well. All these little cloth of blobs of water arise into the surface. And then what will happen is you'll start to see them fall down as well. Yeah right, and they start off quite small.

And then they get bigger as you go along. Oh myke this is lovely.

And the thing is after it's all reacted and the tablet is finished, yeah, it will then will continue to fall and it will re separate out because all the world water stop mis and then you.

Can just pop another tablet.

Okay if you wanted to speed up the reaction, yeah, okay, you take the lid off, okay, because what happens is this is causing pressure in the in the vessel, okay, because it's producing carbon dioxide, so that's producing pressure, and reactions are slow under pressure.

That is beautiful. That is so good. I'm just gonna look a man a little bit. There you go, and it speeds up.

Oh man, man, all right, all right, here we go.

It's openly up. Let's do it. Let's do it.

Way super nice.

Yep, that's it.

That's just it'll keep doing that for a little while and then it'll just all fall down again. That's that's absolutely how to make a lava lamp without electricity.

Oh my goodness, it's beautiful, Mike, you undersault this. This is really pretty. What a lovely thing. What a lovely thing.

Not only is it lovely, it's that science that is that science that is well my life.

Oh sorry, upstaging, you go on.

That science that is.

So we'll just talk about this. So, yeah, so you're impressed with that. This is really beautiful.

It's the kind of thing I can imagine if you did have, like, you know, niece or nephew or whatever, like to entertain them with something other than scrolling through TikTok, which is worthy and he's lovely and he's great. But anyone could do that, you know, like not everyone has the skill of the knowledge, the prerequisite knowledge.

But once you've learned primar crafts.

Yeah, if you take the lid off a little bit, right, Oh hello.

Rock and roll?

Oh no, no disaster, amen, Yeah, maybe don't do this with nephews and nieces.

It looks like no, I'm lady Macbeth. I was going somewhere else with that, but also all the lady. But that's almost the end of the show. I remember to join us on our social media. We are at the Cood TV.

Hey all right, well, thank you for watching. We will see you next time. Take care and bye bye.

Nice. That is art that proper. I think we need to watch The Papa because it's Willston. I'm an artist that's smart. That's good.

Yeah, why oh, I'll go yeah to the bathroom.