It's A Valentine - Chewing The Cud - S06E06

You're watching Chewing the Cud. He's River Scott and Mike Benyon Brow.

And I ended up covered in Oh hello, you're watching Chewing the Cud, your lighthearted weekly look at the world through a glittery kaleidoscope. I'm River Scott and with me today is someone who was called the love bug. But the antibiotics have kicked in since then. Hi, Mike, how are you doing? I'm all live butti's apparently, but are they working?

That's the main you know, the rash is gone.

Oh that's good. It's oh, well done there ear infect you're still leather and they're the ones you can't drink on.

Well, the thing about anti buttis is you can drink on them all, you just shouldn't.

Oh well, that's true for most things. I suppose. It's like, yeah, you can't drink and drive, Well you can, but you shouldn't. Exactly, Like okay, fair enough. I thought that was like a proper thing, like it's stopped them working if you drank.

Now, No, has no impact on antibuses as well.

So aside from an exciting list of sdis what are you bringing us this week? Mike?

Well, this week I'm bringing you a romantic and lovely story that involves well it's a dick measuring contest really, and then I'll help you entice your lover in Crafty Queens.

We even have a game you can play along with us. But on screen now you can see our contact details. It's at the cud TV on your social media of choice, and if you want to catch up with previous episodes, you can binges on the YouTube's just look for Chewing the.

Cud and you can see names of people have reached out and sent us some lovely Valentine's messages. Look, there's no one there going on the bottom of the screen. But now it's time for River in the showbiz.

So first up, former professional rugby player Campbell Johnston, who was the first All Blacks player to come out in twenty twenty three, has married his partner Ben Thompson in New Zealand.

Upset, you're upset, Yeah, this is not single.

Well that we live in the future, that doesn't mean anything anymore. And I mean he's probably got good thighs. Maybe that's maybe that's what it's all about.

I'd like to see his hacker, you'd like to see his hacker.

Well, anyway, let's carry on. Yeah, I got distracted from a moment the way a moment there. So Campbell, who is forty four and looking quite good for it, and his now husband Ben who's thirty seven, released a quote saying we had a day with just the two of us when photographers videoed and photographers getting ready together in a hotel. Then we went out to Castle Hill Station and held our ceremony on top of a mountain.

Oh.

Just very sweet, isn't it. Yeah? Oh, I mean that's not really mountain climbing gear, but they said that on top of us is kind of it. Why does it say Woman's Day?

It was sponsored by a woman Day that the article. Why because they don't have Hello magazine. I don't know New Zealand fair enough.

But I mean that's very sweet and apparently he said it was literally just the two of us and the photographers and the videographer on the hill, So that was quite cool. I mean you also need the celebrant or someone as well, really married, unless like the was one of the ones holding the camera. Yeah, we didn't even have a celebrant. He says in the quote that I didn't read that far down, so Okay, all right, I'm not sure that counts. Does that count?

Is that marriage or is that just an agreement?

Yeah, that's just a picnic it. Yeah, let's just going to the top of very well. But anyway, he also added, we also thought it should be a moment just for us. That was really special because we got to enjoy the day together.

I mean, knowing people that have got married and not regretted it, basically, they've always said that when they were getting married and the actual day, they would take time away just themselves. That's nice just to be together and not.

Yeah, but then I mean, I wonder, what's the point in the day if you if you're going to go, oh, this is all awful, excuse us, Well, we go and do something we'd much rather do over there.

I think it was less about this is awful. I think it's just about having time together on their day.

But surely the idea of a marriage is that you've got the rest of your lives together forever. It's kind of change to each other.

It's divorce. It's fine, don't have to that's great.

I bumped into a mate of mine. We chatted about someone we used to go to university, too, and like, oh they're married now, I'm like, oh, that's nice. And it's like, well, it's an open relationship. Oh well, you know, twenty first century. Good for them. It's like, no, they hate each other, but they've got a mortgage and two cats, so what can you do. And they were always cheating on each other. So just now they don't have to pretend. I'm like, love wins.

Yeah, Jesus, what's that phrase? That a stage? It's no longer love, it's just company.

Yeah, that's what they say about. Well, it's a same sex relationship, isn't it, because it's always same sex for the rest of your life. And anyway, on that hilarious note, let's move on.

Cool.

So, the non binary star of trans horror film I Saw the TV Glow has changed their name. Okay, Jack Haven now, which is nice. It's a good name. Apparently it was inspired by their great great uncle, who's a singer and songwriter, Haven Gillespie, which I'm not familiar with, but that doesn't mean anything. There they are, that's that's Jack Haven. The great great grand uncle was known for the Christmas hits Santa Claus Is come into town.

So yeah, everyone's famous. In somewhere.

Yeah, exactly. So this is Jack Haven who said I'm non binary. I always felt a little bit boy, a little bit girl, a little bit neither, which is kind of how I got to the whole non binary thing. So that makes sense. Yeah, glad, I'm doing it right. Always good to know. I don't think.

Anyone's doing it right. I think everyone's doing it right, if that makes sense.

No, quite a few people it wrong, but never mind. Anyway, they are using they them as of late, and it feels right. And apparently it was scary af to come out, and they've really been putting it off, but they felt they owed it to themselves and to all of us who struggle with gender and heterosexual people. I suppose. Yeah, anyway, well done them, Good luck with all of that. They seem young.

Yeah, well, it's at that age where anyone called Jack as go just jack.

Ah. I feel not to be particularly sassy about this. If you go in non binary, you should be a bit more inventive with your names. Like I'm called River, like that was I mean, even that is like the default one in the is the find and replace thing in the in the in the trans starter kit.

When I first introduced to the idea of river, right, please tell me the last name is song.

No, Well, I like the rhythm though, river Song, because there was River Song, there was River.

Tam, River Phoenix, Riverdance.

Riverdance, River Island. Yeah, all the good ones. Yeah, River Trent. That actually sounds like a good name until you know that it's it's a horrible river where lots where most of the drugs that come into the UK come in, apparently along with River Trent. Yeah, so I'm told. Anyway, anyway, talking of people with completely normal names, Duncan from Blue Duncan James, it seems like cheating again. It's just two first names, there's no surname, and they never trust someone

Yah.

Anyway, he's a he's a flight attendant who speaks multiple well you'd have to speaks multiple languages, and his Instagram bio says that he's into healthy eating, fitness and all things good for the mind, body, and God Jesus. I mean all right, I mean I suppose I could listen to him talk about stuff that's good for the mind, body and soul. If he looks like that, good lord.

It's what you'd be expected from Duncan from Blue.

Really yeah, I mean it's just all.

Right, expecting a twink.

Two pretty people I don't know are in a relationship. Good for them. I find it hard to get moved by any kind of like, oh, celebrities in a relationship. Good? You know, good lord.

I think it's less about the story, more about the pictures.

Yeah, I'm alright with that. So he's got an Instagram? Has he got an OnlyFans? That is the more important question. Can we see Rodrigo Rice getting railed by Duncan from Blue?

I think yes would be the answer to that.

All the other way around, you know, or both? Why not? Let's let's take it in turns.

Exactly what switches all about.

Yeah, if they need someone to hold the camera, I am available.

And I will not be holding the camera.

But I mean, no, good for them. I suppose they've been dating since twenty nineteen, which is good. I yeah, I can't even keep a plant alive, let alone of relationship. But that's not the point. They met a couple of years ago in Belgium. Apparently Duncan was doing a gig with the boys and he met Rodrigo at the after party. Really what that is I couldn't possibly comment on that.

Well, anyway, you know your uncle Steven markin Well, so people asked when when they found out they were dating people, Oh, did you know Duncan was famous and in blue and apparently not in.

Brazil where he's from. Blue ants are famous, So it's either yeah, I mean, is that how if that was the other way around, if you were dating some hotty from Brazil? And then and then you went over to meet their parents or whatever. You went over to spend time with them, and they're like, oh, actually I'm actually quite famous. Would that be weird?

Do you think?

I don't think so.

Now, getting papped and getting photos of you taken with you.

I don't think he's unhappy about him being papped at that point in time.

No, he just seemed quite happy. Yeah, I mean it would be, wouldn't you. Anyway, that's all from Showbiz this week. Crashing on because I'm getting distracted by attractive people not wearing much again, so that there's a theme from the show or my life anyway, stay right there. As coming up after this short break, we see what Mike's googled as he's going to be in the buzz. Welcome back. You're watching Chewing the Cod and now it's time for about eleven minutes of dick jokes with Mike in the buzz.

How do you feel about trends?

Oh, I'm immediately suspicious, so trepardacious.

Okay, I like it.

What is about nude dating trends for twenty nude dating?

Nude?

I'm less interested?

Well, it might be one of the new trends.

Nudity is a fun I like that.

I do enjoy it. The police ten they get very upset when M not that kind of anyway. So there's a whole raft of new trends for twenty twenty five when I'm talking about dating, right, And the first one that called out is called micromancing, which sounds a bit like necromancing to me.

I thought it was just romancing. Mike, are you? Is this your's a plea for help? Are you? Only?

Now we know I am? But which is small act of romance? All right? I'm doing small scale lovely things run big gestures.

This sounds like the kind of dating, that kind of romancing I would have to do because I'm poor. This feels like I can't afford to take you out for dinner and like shower you with presents. But here's a flower. Yeah flower, yeah, your favorite flower, favorite flower, and now shut up and be grateful until I can afford to buy you another one.

Exactly. I know your favorite thing to eat his chicken nuggets, So I bought you four. The next trends coming out is something called fanning, sorry, fan Fanning, Fanning as in Dakota Fanning as in going oh my god, I love this thing, so that all the idage of opposites attracted, right, flipping that on its head and finding someone that's very into the same sort of things that you are.

So the new dating trend for twenty twenty five is to find someone who's interested in the same things.

That you're not interested, like super into the same sort of things.

So just a Bronie's thing. This feels like a Bronie's thing.

Bronie's could be a thing. So if you're a Bronie thing very and you find another Bronie, that's the idea.

That's what they still do. Yeah yeah, or furries it's furries and stuff. Anyway, Sorry, I feel like I am misunderstanding this and I'm going to need you to explain it.

It is about finding something that you have an intense interest in and find it's all with the same intense interest. It's not soon going oh, I like to go the gym. It's like, oh, I like the gym too. There's people that go, I like to do two sessions in the gym a day for an hour of time, and the other person going, yeah, me too, Like that's super intense enjoyment.

Of something. I like eating my body weight in chocolates and wanking myself cross eyed.

So that's all you have to is find someone that also really likes that.

All right, if you're into that kind of thing, drop me a message at coud TV or Yeah.

But I think we're going to get a lot of messages from a lot of people saying yes, I like that too, because it's quite a common one.

Yeah. Oh, well, I'm sorry. I'll get better. I'll get better hobbies shallow, how dare.

You not kink sharing? But me a little bit.

I also watch a lot of Star Trek if that helps.

Have you heard of soft launching.

I want to make a tic joke, but I can't get there.

Launching to make a we can't get there.

Yes, but I've got some pills for that now me too.

Well, it's this idea of not going public with a relationship, of going oh not being Facebook official if that makes a an age appropriate reference, same reference.

I remember Face Party, That's how old I am.

I remember Face Party two and being very disappointed when I went on it.

Because no one was having a party on your face exactly.

Yeah, So self launching is the idea of just being public, but not being overly romantic with each other and being together but not everywhere we are together, which are casual dating.

Yeah, I mean I'm that that does feel like someone who's not sure they actually want to be with you, like they're just looking to see if there's anything better before they kind of commit. But also, no, that's it. Actually, yeah, that's it. I thought I had more on that thought, but no, like they're just like, let's soft launch this, shall we just in case one or both of us find something better in the meantime. Where's the romance in that?

There's always a new shag, a better shag, just waiting around the corner. And that's why you keep going out? Ninety nine? But moving on?

And how have the last twenty six years been for you? Since I can't remember?

Moving on? Do you have anybody modification tattoos or piercings?

None that I can show you on the on the telly.

Okay, I'm intriguing. Now. Is it a tattoo?

No, I don't have any. I keep wanting tattoos, but I keep changing my mind.

So I have a tattoo, but it hurts. So I only got to dot because I.

Keep changing my mind. So I think it's Sharpie would do it like just I can just draw on myself. It'll last a few days and then wash off. Fantastic.

Well, this is the story about lady who is so in love with something that she wanted its name tattooed on her. Oh lord, what do you think that could be?

There's the lady. I mean I could see it in the headline, so kind of spoiled a little bit there.

Oh god, yeah I read it. So yeah, this is Tasha. All right, there's twenty three and spent just over fi. I would quid getting the word weatherspoons tattooed across the stomach.

I mean she could have spent that money on therapy or booze, literally anything else.

The weatherspoons literally yeah, she yep, there we go. She didn't go for the logo. She went for it in a metal.

Font, which only raises more questions if I'm honest. But I also know, because I don't actually want the answer to any of it, there's any answer you could give me that would be anything that I would want to know. And I kind of am annoyed that even that there's brain cells that are now dedicated to that memory and I'm never getting them back, am I.

I've wasted neuronswer there's a lot of money spent on getting a word written on the stomach.

And I bet and has that. Let's call him a gentleman that runs Weatherspoon's seen it is she? Is she getting like free? No?

Is she She's getting publicity from it?

That's it. I feel it's that. It's that again, is that you mustn't be afraid to dream a little bit bigger, like good for her.

Stop dreaming if your dream is getting the tattoo of weatherspoons across your stomach, stop dreaming, wake up.

Just you know, there's that whole thing about how the world might be ending, and like civilization is collapsing. Sometimes I feel like we deserve it, Like maybe this is it just.

All civilizations Rome Greeks went slightly a bit too crazy and.

They didn't tattoo weatherspoons across their stoma.

Don't know that's true, thank god. And if you have any tattoos across your body of names like Benny and Roe show with us at the cud TV. And that brings us to our story of the week now Valentine's Day and parental connections aren't that often?

No, well, I mean my mum used to send me a Valentine's card every year when I was like small. Yeah. It stopped when I was about sixteen, and that was that was harsh because that was the last time one sent me a Valentine's card. But that's I mean, is it better that it stopped and that she's not sending them anymore? Or is it? Would it have been better if they she kept doing it now that I'm.

Years old, I think if you know it's from you, So if it's signed love mum.

Well I recognize a handwritter. I used to forge your handwrite in to like sign my report cards and ship for school. Not difficult, yeah, I mean it was mostly for getting out of Pe. I'm quite I was quite good at gcs's. They were quite easy. Yeah, it was just getting out of Pe. Like, sorry, I can't do it, stug. Got a note from my mum. Here you go, I've got the next three weeks worth in my bag if you want them as well.

I used to flatly refuse to do it.

I do.

There's not much they can do if you refuse to get changed. I worked this out so and they're going, they're going, Might you getting changed?

No? I I yeah, I used to avoid it. I think actually I got a B at GCS in Pe, and I think that's just because the Pe teacher had absolutely no idea who I was, because I'd never done anything any of his classes. So we just played it safe and gave me a bee.

Fair enough. Well, Brian Johnson, who's forty seven, has spent two million dollars in US I.

Know this not yeah, all right, brilliant, bring it on. I am back on board. You lost me with the Weatherspoons tattoo, but I am back. Okay.

So he spent over two million dollars bioor hacking his body, right, and he now says that he has the fitness of an eighteen year old, right, Okay, so much so that he now measures his sexual potency against his son, who is ninety.

Don't say against his son against his Oh.

So they have.

I've seen so many twink relationships that are those two people too? Yeah?

Late, only the dad is forty seven.

I mean he looks haunted, but.

Yeah, he spent two million dollars on trying to look young. God look haunted too.

His son's kind of cute though, is.

I enjoy his son?

But apparently erection test with his own dad. Ah, what does that mean?

So they have an app that measures their their the reality, shall we say, overnight, and they're not turnal actions. And apparently the sun lasts two longer like in a tube and it has tests.

His son lasts two minutes longer.

Longer than his dad. Right, we don't know how long his dad lasts.

I don't care. I mean, yeah, two minutes is about right for a nineteen year old. I think, as I recall, there's plenty.

Yeah, but he said that, you know about his son. You need to raise children to stand tall, be firm and upright.

I think that's just.

There's a lot to digest.

There isn't that there really is. That's that's terrifying. I've actually seen the Young's Twitter, or he claims with the young. I bet it's not because it's all very My dad's great. Everything my dad and I do together is fantastic. I'm very on board with him taking my blood and it's and now measure it like Jesus Christ. And the stupid thing is he's still gonna die. It's not like he can avoid it like you got all that money, and he's like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna live forever, like all right,

Now like a lot haunted when it hit twenty though, don't it.

I mean that's true, but I just oh dear like again, it's it's in the same category as Weatherspoon's lady.

It's just like you've made choices. Yeah, and sometimes we wish you hadn't. But that's all from the buzz this week.

Thanks for that, Mike. That was it was, wasn't it. Yeah? Anyway, don't go. If you're still with us, don't go anywhere. As coming up, we have a game for you to play along with in our game of the week. Welcome back to Chewing the Cod with Me, River Scott and Mike, Benny and Rowe. Now this is part of the show where we play a lovely game and this one is for the strategically single.

So yeah, it's not my strategy though, is it.

Do you think it's your face or your day of the week. Okay, so this game is called Gubbing Me Up. No, it's not the Gobby Game Show. Apparently, Mike is going to sing some songs at me, and I'm going to guess what they are. Can that be fun? Probably? All right, this is already a lot more fun than I was expect Oh so sorry, yes, well no, wait wait wait, actually hang on, it's getting into the zone.

Okay, hit me?

Oh ma.

He hello love.

That's yeah. I was just I just wanted to let that sit there for a minute. That is Nelly and Kelly. Uh I remember what it's called. It's the one where she's texting him from a spreadsheet video. I can't remember what it's called. Sure, why not?

By hour?

You sound? I know, I know there's a reason for you. But you sound like you've had a stroke.

Well I have. You can't see it because it's kin I see well loved.

Wow, that's when a man loves a woman. I think Luther Vandross but better? Is that right? Oh? I thought it was go me, yay me?

Okay, next one? Hollo hot.

Wow? Yeah, this is sixpence, not the richer. And is it kissed Me Beneath the Melted Twilight or some hip Yeah, it's from one of those. Let's take an ugly girl and take her glasses off and put her hair down and suddenly she's pretty films. I remember that in the nineties. Uh you started another one? Okay, carry on?

Whoa oh.

Wow that was Yeah. That was some kind of foghorn rendition of I Will Always Love You, I imagine. Was that the Whitney Houston or the Dolly Partner version? Mhmion. That's why I didn't get it straight away. I was thinking Whitney Houston. Sorry, my bad. Yeah, next one, if you've got more in you, yeah, I remember all dire dead eyes of a killer, right, come on, get on with it.

Other than oh.

Yeah, that's this is a hell of a playlist you've got going on here? Oh crazy thing my love? Uh not a clip? Sorry, it's not Elvis, is it? What? Quinn Quinn?

Who?

Quinn Quinn quin.

Quinn?

Have you calling the queen clam rude? Yes, I know it's a queen. I was aiming for comedy, but hey, never mind.

The lah well Lola fire fire hole.

It's like a muppet's been shaved. It's really weird watching. I'm going to nightmares about that.

Uh.

Can I have that one again? Please? What is the power of love?

All right?

Is that seal? Someone like that?

Power?

Love? Oh? Was that the one who got the dude who got arrested. I can't remember his name. I can't remember what was his name? Some power of love anyway, that guy, dude?

What Frankly.

Hollows Right, we've got another one for me?

Hello? Ah oh.

Wow, no again? More better? I don't know.

Who a loss oft fall?

No nothing on that one. See. This feels a lot like kind of visiting granddad in the home and just he's gone. But since the stroke, he's just been like completely non Compocompassmentis this is just that kind of he's just singing to himself when we go along and we chat to him and no one's any idea what's happening? And then we leave. Yeah, anyway, so what what?

What? At last? At last? At last?

Okay, yeah, sure, why not. It's not gonna get any weird, there, is it? Yes?

Oh?

That that is? Uh? Is it an Lennox? That yourhyth mix? It's uh, nothing compares to you? Is it not any Lenox? No O'Connor, Yeah, goother one? All right, Yeah, give me more. I'm back on board now.

Who m hm mm hmm.

Now in the stream, all right, yeah, fair enough, that's uh. Tom Jones isn't it no.

Farm?

Mm hmmm, yeah, yeah, No, I don't know how you do Kenny Rogers either, I think actually, if I remember rightly, the reason I'm thinking of Tom Jones is that they did a Red Nose Day version that was Barry Islands in the Stream, that was Tom Jones and Dolly Parton or someone like that, and it was like the cast of Gavin and Stacey. So I was right. I was just differently right. But yeah, come on one more, at least probably two or three more, Come on another one? Madonna?

And boobs lovely?

I thought, all right, well that is definitely enough of that. Stay tuned because coming up after this short break we get our craft on in Crafty Queens. Welcome back. You're still watching Chewing the Cod with me, Riverscott and Mike, Benny and Rowe, Well you might not still be watching. I wouldn't have blamed you for wandering off anyway. If you are still with us, we're going to learn how to become seductive through the art of craft in crafty queens.

So underwear. Do you find underwear seductive and sexy.

On myself or on other people?

Either?

Or sometimes? I mean I quite like it when they leave it on the bench in the changing rooms while they go and have a shower.

Because that gives you access to it.

Yeah, I can have a quick, a crafty sniffle. Okay, yeah, fair enough, that kind of thing. This is.

This has been inspired by Rhianna, the songer, songer, The songer, songer, singer. I'm a songwriter, Rhianna who has brought out her own Valentine's Day underwear. Why because she can and people will buy it.

She's already a billionaire, and one thing about money, you want more of it.

So we have we have a picture of the underwear that she's brought out.

I mean, all right, I quite like the bow and arrow.

I have one to be a little bit of danger. So I thought, you know, we'd take inspiration from Rhianna and create our own seductive sexual underwear. Okay, okay, So the first thing I've given you is a pair of basic black pants.

They are quite basic.

They're very basic. So we need to judge these up. Yes, Now, the first thing we need to do is take them away from being quite a boring pant and make them into something that a lot of people enjoy, which is a jockstrap. Right, okay. So I've given you a pair of scissors, okay, and the key rule is not to cut the elastic band at the top, otherwise your pants will fall off.

Oh what a shame.

Yeah. And so the first thing I wants to do is you want to cut out the crutch? So do you want to cut the fabric so that the crotch is left to right? Okay? So if you just go up from the leg, I'll show you on mine.

Is it worth mentioning that I'm really bad at.

This kind of thing? That's perfectly fine, all right, because I'm not good.

So first thing I do is cut up the crotchy bit scene like this, So upper leg, upper leg right up to the elastic band, but not through the elastic not through the elastic band, because will fall off.

All right, I am with you so far. Oh they don't cut easy, do they? Or is that? Have I got shitty scissors?

Possibly a little from amb.

Yeah, don't trust me with anything sharp like are you accident pro yeah, okay, and also just easily distracted, which is not good when I'm waving blades around.

Okay, I'm glad, I'm over here.

All right, I've done that. And now it's kind of weird almost like chaps, kind of flappy bits at the front. That's it, yeah, yeah, go on.

So the next thing we want to do is you want to cut round the top right round towards the back to the seam. Don't cut through the scene.

Right and the seam is the stitchy bit, the stitchy bit, yeah right, right here we go. All right.

Then once you've got to the scene, you want to go down the scene down the sea.

See this is why I don't wear underwear stuff like this. It's far too fiddley.

Well, I mean to be fair. It's not often that you'll cut your pants up to make a jock strap. I mean to be fair, because you can just buy a jock strap, all.

Right, show off, someone's got disposable income.

So you want to follow that scene round and then you want to take it round to the front as well.

Right in one in, one go in one go right. So when I get to the seam at the back.

Okay, so you should be left with this.

There's a lot of sniggering going on in the gallery.

Right, There always is a lot of sniggering around the gallery. That's what they do.

There's a bit fell off. Is that good?

It depends which a bit fell off?

But yeah, that's what they all say.

Okay, now you want to do the same thing again on the other side.

God, this is gripping television. It is. I've got a mate who does a cabaret show where they staple five pound notes themselves. He's a bit weird if I'm honest.

How much do they make for this something? Have a lot of five pound notes at of shooting?

But well they do it at a touch garden and stuff like that, so people bring them money and they stable them to themselves and stuff.

Okay, I'm just thinking whether it's something I could viably do for myself.

But I right know, I think it was easier when before we use plastic money, back when it was like paper. Probably a bit easier, but much easier to clean the plastic money.

Yes, yeah, you've got to be careful when you're cleaning. When you of course, in case you get caught doing it, because that's law and brink.

That was a joke, wasn't it.

It was?

I didn't say it was funny.

I'm really pleased I spotted that.

Yeah, not everybody else did.

It's about worry, right, another thing's fallen off, So I think I'm good.

Okay, So now when you lift up your your remaining pants, you should have this kind of effect. Yes, you do nothing.

Well done.

Now what we need to do is cut out the middle bit of the bomb.

Right.

Okay, so we're cutting out the middle bit up to the scene, but do not cross any scene. Right, I have the scene on this so so just be careful not to cross the bit way to.

All right, all right, I think I can. How do I start cutting?

My tip is to pick up the middle bit and chop a bit off. Oh dear, so you have a hole in the in the bum?

Yeah, these are ship scissors. I think that's definitely. Usually it's a poor workman that blames his tools, but also me, and that's fine. Are we going to model these?

I'm not because of the court injunction that stops me getting nude on TV again.

All right, maybe I'll put you on my only fans I can. I'll wear them cross promotion. I can wear them on my only fans, and anyone who's not traumatized can can and watch the making of right Here.

They could. Yeah, did you say you had three people that scratch your own fans? One of them was your mom.

Yeah, so at least two people might might be interested. I don't want my mum thinking she can make these for me and then cutting up any pants and give them to me. I'm not really a jockstrap kind of guy, you know, person. I'm only a jockstrap kind of person I.

Am, and I'm not. I understand them, just don't find them that they're not.

They're not particularly complex pieces of equipment, so no.

I mean, I understand the allure, shall I say? I just don't find myself comfortable in them.

I prefer a speedo or something nice and tight and bulgeous. I don't think bulgous is a word, but I'm enjoying it.

I like, I like a bit of support around the posterior about right. That's perfect. I mean that's not the word I use for him, but perfect for what we're raiming for. They're clean. Yeah, I wasn't gonna give you by pants to cut up.

Mostly you needn't say they need to be your so they didn't need to be clean.

Well, I didn't have anybody else's pants to hand. You could have the dogs, but it doesn't really wear them. So so that's that's the outline. We're not going to make this very Valentine's Day and lovely and get some roses on it to make it pretty, make it sexy?

Okay?

Do or sexier? And how do we do?

How am I going to make this even sexier, even sexier, even sexier? Yes, okay, sure, so.

I've given you a glue gun some roses.

It's a very silly thing. I do have both a glue gun, but roses.

I am a decent amount of space away from you. I am safe and accepted the whole water pistol. So all you're going to do is a little bit of glue on the newly created jock strap and then popping a flower, a.

Little rosebud on your jock strap. Exactly.

Yeah, and so it's just gonna However, however the wim takes you.

Oh, it's got a bit of snot. It was a bit of preglue dribbling all over the place.

It does that it's just very drippy.

It reminds me of an X and mine. It was a lot of fun.

I should call him.

No, let's not go that far.

So do you do a lot of crafts at hope?

No, not at all.

I asked that question to everybody doing it, and everyone says no.

The question that comes up is why why do you not or why I'm asked if you would just well, no, I don't.

I understand the joy of crafting, but I just don't have the connection between the bit of my brain that wants to do something and the bit of my brain bit of my body that can do the thing. Okay, it's like, oh, I'd love to do that, and I can imagine it and it looks fantastic, and then I try it and it looks like the dog's been at it, and I'm like, okay, maybe not. Then I'm quite liking that.

I have gone with the ideal age of more is more, more is more, maur.

That's that's maths.

And so that you've got a lovely strap for your jock, so you can seduct find someone, and.

So I will. I will wear these on my only fans, okay, And so if anyone wants to watch me wear them? Just go look at go find my only fans and if you want, you can buy them off me. Once I warn them, you'll ball sweaty and stanky, and maybe a little bit of pre come in there too. Why not, because I might as well make some money out of this if I'm not getting.

Paid fair enough. Yeah cool, Remember that if you can't get any pen or any vagien or anything in between, you're probably making these. So yeah, where are your pants?

Well? I thought I should probably give them a go the out. Would you like to see?

I will say yes, embrace yourself, embraced, don't run over the pants, that's okay. Are they comfortable? Are they supporting what you feel they should be supporting? Do you feel sexual? Let's let's say yes, let's say yes.

Let's say yes.

Fine, we're talking about package to hold. That's almost the end of the show. But on screen now you can see how contact details. It's at the coud TV on your social media, and if you want to catch up with previous episodes, you can always binge us on YouTube. Just look for Chewing the Could.

Thank you for watching, and we will see you next week. Bye bye.