Chewing The Cud, Season 7, Episode 02

Coming up on this week's Chewing the Cud, I've got a story about why men like their hands in places.

I'm bringing news about a nineties pinoff and then makeover.

Well, then let's get going, shall we?

Welcome to Chewing the Cud with me, River Scott and my good friend the delightful Mike, Benny and Rowe. Hello, Mike, how you doing?

Delightful?

Your groove? I do deeply dig.

We're bringing you all the show business you could possibly need, as well as some fun news stories.

Great things. Then okay, let's get going. What you got for us first, Mike? Yes?

So, how do you feel about celebrities? Glows ups?

Could not care less?

Okay, that's some characteristic of you, is it? That was called sarcasm? Do you remember the nineties? Of course you do.

No, I'm very young.

You're older than me.

There's another reason I don't remember the nineties. Nothing we can talk about before the watershed.

So do you remember bay Watch?

Yes? Yes? Actually yes, yeah, lots of slow motion running and things jiggling in like and Jason Momoa. This was his first acting gig. Yes, yes, his first, his first gig, and and it was delightful seeing him in such tiny, tiny shorts.

Almost as good as seeing him as Target Atlantis.

I did love him as random Dex with the with the with the dreadlocks and the yea, the deep voice. Anyway, Pamela Anderson, they both had cracking jobbles. Yes, yes they did.

So she's appeared makeup free, okay, so sounds makeup?

Is this? Has she never done that before?

Well, she started to do it more, okay, including Paris Fashion Week and the met Girl and the Oscars. So that's when people are typically made up. There, they've done the slap, they.

Do that, they do their Yes, they beat their face as it were.

Yes, there she is from the note Christy face.

And that's actually a real human person, is it? Under all that human person?

The only thing that's not real at that point in the picture is all of the filler in the face and the boobs and.

The hair and the lips her hair? Is that actually her hair? Yeah?

All right, not well cared for, but it's there. So that's what she was about an inch of makeup, okay, exactly right. But what she doing she started to show herself without makeup, okay, And there's a very good reason for this. So this is her now without makeup. Okay, Okay, it's she's made a choice after the death of her longtime makeup artist, Alexis Vogel. Okay, and it's she says she's changing how she views beauty, aging in public identity.

And it's it's nice because that's almost like the opposite way around to how the me ja would would tell us we should be behaving like, yes, enjoy your youth while you're beautiful, and then as you get older, you've got to hide all the imperfections and the yellocks boswellocks to you too, Yeah, boswellocks for the whole thing. Really yeah. Yeah, so that's nice. Well, good for her. I mean she looks she looks fine. Yeah, like she looks more human than she did in the previous one.

She's still very pretty, yeah right, and she's definitely looking her age in a positive way. Yeah, Like she looks she looks like she's a mature woman, which is you know, and she's still sexy.

Yeah. And one has to wonder how much time she saves now probably compared to like how long she had to spend.

Like artists, is doing your makeup? It's not just slapping on some foundations. It's not five minutes in a way, no, it's not doing it.

I mean you're going to pad your invoice exactly, even if even if it's not entirely necessary, you're gonna have an extra twenty minutes of what do they use now? Is it like salmon sperm or something that that people have started putting on their face? Yste met younger, what.

Have you gettul to? Right, I'm moving on. How do you feel about Tom Hardy?

Oh?

Yes, oh yes, oh yes, yes a friend of Tom Hardy?

Are I yes? Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Similar age to you as well.

No, yes, yes, yes, that seems unlikely.

It's actually forty seven. So here he is the handsome devil that he is. He's a new drama Mobland, right. He's actually revealed that he's got ongoing health issues. He's had two knee knee surgeries, a hernitated disc sayattica, and what he calls General Wear and Tear.

Which is the name of that charges by the hour from down near me. I think, yeah, General Wear and Tear. You have to get them so will promote the show. He's described pushing through despite feeling unwell.

He's been drinking alcohol free beer, so he's not actually drinking alcohol right, to try and help ease his syn dreams.

Literally anything that isn't beer if you don't want to drink alcohol.

When he's like having social times with his friends is skipping alcohol beer and just having narcolic beer and stuff. He's discussed the chronic pain injuries, yeah, saying it's intense even way he's acting.

Is this from the show that he's doing now or are these over the course of his career they've kind of like stacked And.

He's saying that, you know, my age is catching up with me now and I'm not as lie as I used to be. I mean, still a very attractive young man young.

So so he's complaining that in the course of making all these million dollar films and being incredibly famous and exciting, things have started to ache and creak as he hits and most fifty and is it embracing it? Right?

Yeah, he's saying, you know, when we're looking at the idea of toughness, right, all of these toughness things have a toll to play and that sort of.

Thing, resilience and a terrible tie.

Oh you can take it off, no mind. Yeah, So have you found things starting to ache and as you wake.

Up in the morning. No, No, everything's still in perfect working order, thanks the death.

Talking of people that you're similar ages to Pope Leo this fourteenth.

He's fourteen, No, the fourteenth. Right. You know what I said at the beginning, that you were that we were friends, and that you're a delight. Yeah, I might re record that, taking all that back. Yeah.

So, formerly Robert Francis Provost or Prevost obviously in the First American Pope. Okay, he has been recently featured on Finding Your Roots which is which is very there is, which is the American version of who do you Think You are? Which is the whole family tree.

Okay, Yeah, he has found that he has relations to Donna, Okay, Justin Bieber, Angelie, the Jolie, and Hillary Clinton, right, very well connected. Yeah, so the the Illuminati or that all that back room Schnannigan's of the powerful and.

Just Bieber Illuminati.

That'd be great if miss Higher, Justin Bieber and Madonna are part of the illuminatie in the world secretly, you know, I can see her, Donna being Mumra Yeah, Mamra living. Yeah, she's part of the illuminati, but just because she founded it back in like the fifteenth century or whatever it was, yeah, fourth century.

On a retirement party. So yeah, I don't think. But Justin Bieber's part of the illuminited because no, it's through a shared French Canadian ancestry, okay, also include heritage of Creole, Haitian and African American roots as wellsh According to the producer of the show, he was visibly moved to learn about his multicultural ancestry.

Well you would be, wouldn't you. If there's a camera pointing at you. You've got to make it worthwhile, got to have some emotions going on. I can't just be like, oh yeah, cool, that's nice. It's got to be like no, really, gosh, oh golly. Foundly my granddad had known, he'd have said some very rude words.

Yeah. So what do you think that here Madonna related to the pope? Do you think she'd do a living like a prayer?

Now? I was, yeah, I mean her whole thing was like, got some religious overtones to it, hasn't it? With that whole Madonna thing, Madge, Madge, good old Madge. What was it she called herself when she was pretending to be an English Landon gentry person. She wanted to go by a different name, with something like Forlicity or something stupid

Home in London. Sure she does well when she misses the money, yeah, just in biebrand the Pope. So if we did an ancestry thing on you, what do you think would come up with?

Oh? Well, I know there's been a lot I'm from a hardy northern mining stock Doncaster. All right, you won't think it to look at me, but this is how the old talk where I'm from. Yeah, ten generations of miners and miners families and then before that farmers. But they're all from around the same kind of fifty mile radius, which has some rather itchy connotations if you think about it. Webbing,

I'm sure German and Welsh ancestry so lots of flenny languages, and we have a family in Germany in the nineteen forties that wore a lot of brown and black. So we're not going much further into that, right.

Yeah, it's good.

That's that's that's the update from me.

Thanks for that, Mike.

So what you bring us after the break river, Well, I'm going.

To be talking about the reason men like having their hands there, so don't go anywhere.

Welcome back to chewing the cud Now River. You've been talking about hands, yes, indeed, okay that's fingers, but yeah, yeah, like a demented from it.

Do you know why men put their hands down your trousers?

It feels lovely? It does, don't It's warm. It's not a little bit of salvinegar.

Salt and vinegar. Mine's more of a freshly baked bread kind of scent. Yeasty, it's nice. It's where I keep the easty anyway. A common stereotype, often portrayed in sitcoms and observed casually. I do like casually observing is when men stick their hands down in the front of the pants while they're watching TV or relaxing or whatever. Sometimes it's considered a gross habit, but well, considering some of the other things men get up to, this is one

Or if you're watching TV and so comes with plaque.

Others may argue they always do. Someone's always got someone anyway. Others may argue that it's a gendered behavior, judged more harshly when women do it than when men do it. But I say, stick your hand down anyone's pants? Who really cares with consent? Sure? But yeah apparently yeah? Would you? Is it something you do? Are you often having a good rummage down there? Not?

Often? So. In my formative years, I worked in a local shop that had a pick and mix, and boys used to Boys used to come in with their hands down the drums of the trousers and then not use the scoop for the pick and mix, but go out and get handfuls of sweets for the pick and mix.

And did you ever go and have a good sniff of the sweet? They can't?

No, no, because they didn't look clean. But yeah, sorry, it's just my hands tend to rest on my thighs when I'm relaxing.

Or someone's thighs.

Anyway, Okay, I have someone.

But then what about you? Yeah, I'm always sticking my hands down pants. Yeah, it's the best way to be good. Check it's still there, you know.

Very just in case it ran away.

Yeah, it's very sensitive equipment. It needs a lot of adjusting.

Uh Okay, I know somebody that I work with that stands up and dances in an effort not to look like the jiggling the.

Drunk that just draws more attention.

That's what I said. But going, well, I get that point, but.

To each the rown. But then I suppose if we think about posture and where our hands are with men versus women as it were, Yeah, you don't. If you see a woman sat slumped on the sofa with her and in her pants, then it's going to be very evocative of a It's going to be telling you a lot about that person in that moment, that they're a slob, that they're not lady like, that they're okay, do you know what I mean? That's usually what that what the shorthand?

This is very different river that's happening here now.

When you see it on TV and in the med jar if you see a woman slumped on the sofa with a hand of the pants, it's meant to be shorthand for letting you know that she's yeah, that she's not a classy girl, she's not lady like, she's not dainty, she's low key or unrefined or missing the the company of a man as it were. I mean, who would miss the company of a man anyway?

Uh?

Key quotes, it's not creepy, it's comfortable. That quote is not That quote is not attributed to anyone. It's just there in my mind.

So they're not mutually exclusive actions.

No comfortable and creepy. But hey, should we crash on all right? Do you remember in the first night of September, back in the mists of long long ago, a shop called W H.

Smith I love Smith's.

Yeah?

Is it a train station?

So yeah, apparently, yeah, they're they're relaunching part of their business using the name TG Jones w H. Smith's. There we go such a difference. I mean, having all that price drop in the window is like, it does make it seem like it's already on its way out of business.

But okay, they've just labeled it TG Jones as a w H. Smith's.

Yeah, they've even gone for a double initial and then a surname. They've gone from Smith to Jones and two very different it's it's it's hardly a big rebro letters apparently. TG Jones was a family owned stationer and bookseller that operated throughout the twentieth century in the UK and was eventually acquired and absorbed into W. H. Smith's. All right, so they've they've a company they Yeah, they've absorbed it. They've driven a company into the ground and then absorbed it. Yeah.

May not have been a hostile takeover, but it may have just been a look, we're going to buy your business.

Is that all right?

Yeah, there's the money painting them as malicious.

The name are you? Are you? Are you on their payroll getting something out of this? The name evokes a sense of nostalgia, apparently, and it's being used in a new format focused on local goods, relaxed seating, and traditional values. So you can't go in there if you're trans or queer. Everyone will be wearing flat caps and women will only

How how was rising.

Rents and online chap No? No, how is this gonna make people want to come back in.

Because it's nostalgic and people will people will buy specifically for this.

But it's not nostalgic for wh Smith because it's called tg Jones. I'd never heard tg Jones No.

But I think it's because TG Jones was part of a small part of the country, right.

But they're rolling it out UK wide, So there's no nostalgia for people who weren't in that small part of the country.

But for those people in that's what there's going to be a nostalgic thing.

Yeah, but.

Eh, as long as I can still get maybe nineteen pounds sandwich at an airport, who cares?

Yeah, I mean, god forbid, I don't. I don't spend over the odds on a notepad or a calendar that's already three months out of date, or god knows what else. We want to bring people. We want to bring back what people loved about the high Street, says W. H.

Smith, throwing up outside of Wetherspoons into a bin buskers it still exists.

Well, there's emo kids on their skateboards with their skinny jeans and their floppy hair. That's what I loved about high streets. Yes, very niche. Do you think this is a sustainable move or a PR gimmick?

A PR gimmick?

Yeah, me too, right. British Drug Mules in Bali? Okay? Yeah, which that's that's scary. Yeah, sounds like a spin off of another TV show, Like British Drug Mules was the original and now they've got a spinoff on the beat somewhere in Bali. Two British nationals were arrested in Indonesia after being sound with being found with where you would be sound with eight kilograms of cocaine on your christ on them? Well, oh dear.

Free standards.

They claimed they thought the substance was angel Delight, a powdered dessert. I'm aware of it, yeah, and denied knowing it was illegal drugs. Indonesia enforces some of the toughest drug lawers in the world, including the death penalty. Although they original did face execution, the pair sentence was reduced to a life imprisonment. So is it the two guys? Is it the guy in the middle and the lady on the end, who definitely isn't on you from EA standards,

The two gents, so the one with the fit, petching facial tattoos.

Okay, but then why why are three of them wearing the same outfit because they're waiting to match? All right? Fair enough? Can you imagine cocaine angel Delight made from cocaine and mixing some milk and pop it in the fridge and wait for it to set.

Oh five minutes later, you've got to treat keep you wait for hours?

You see.

I can go through a whole sashay of Instant Sorry angels alike?

Is that the non brand version, the version.

Iceland? Yeah, I'm instant pack of Instant. It goes through one of them on my own in one sitting serves forward.

Would you would you even bother like mixing it into the dessert or you just get a spoon and or a credit card and just deal with it as a powder, because.

You're supposed to make a pint of milk, right right, So what you do is you wait till you're halfway through a two pint of milk. I see put the power in shake. Shake, shake, shake, shake into a mouth. You're thinking, that's a great idea, like because it's a milkshake that gets thicker as you leave it. So it's not like a milkshake like you're drinking it and it goes it gets thicker. So it's a milkshake that gets thicker.

Anyway, that's all we have for the show this week. Thank you for watching, and we will see you all soon.

So