A Massive Pole... Vaulter - Chewing The Cud - S05E34

You're watching the chune net work. We might be here, miss kids.

And I thought being attracted to your own flattess pedis could possibly be the worst fetish. Oh hello, I'll welcome to Chewing the Cud, your weekly camped kaleidoscope of kitchen. I'm here with the ever shiny mist.

How are you doing. I'm fine, thank you very much, A little bit and well after that story. But other than that, doing fine. Story. It's not my fetish. I just thought it could be a very bad fetish to have.

It's the cold anyway, I'm going to be bringing you a story about a bridgeston star who's gone all milky, and then we get all intimate and crafty.

Queen's worried, and then we have a game that you can play along with too. But on screen now you can see how contact details it's at the could TV on your social media, and if you want to catch up with previous episodes you can do on YouTube.

Just search for you in the Cud.

And as the names of people who've reached out and touched our souls go along the bottom of the screen, Mike gets ready to bring us up to date on things you may have missed from the news in the buzz.

So I think we just need to stop and take a helicopter of you for a moment to synergize what we're thinking of and blue sky out what our optional extras are.

Okay, did you understand any of that?

Unfortunately, I do have a day job in a corporate world.

And yeah, sadly, isn't it it is. This is a story about possibly some of the cringiest things that gen Z find about working in modern offices, and that is work speaker or corporate job and speak and I get it. Oh yeah, it was cringey. It's when I started in the corporate world ten years ago. It things like circle back.

Basically, gen Z are just going, can we just speak in normal language? Yes, yeah, because they're just they're not with the riz of all that sort of stuff.

The riz what Gens is called charisma. It's yeah, it's like common people. I think both are equally irritating. Just use proper English. Why. I actually quite like corporate speak, right, I like the way that.

Language evolves and changes in this Oh no, I love that. But there's just something about the it's almost like gatekeeping a culture, like you have to you have to be in it to understand it.

There's there's there's kind of a.

Everyone can understand it. If you said to someone I'm going to blue sky that think this, it's like, all right.

I didn't know what that meant for the first couple of times I heard it. There was a lot of times where I was just going for a good while until I went, oh, okay, I get the and it is good shorthand after that point, I get it, but close the loop. I like that phrase.

I usually fly all.

I think in all the times that I have been in office places where they're doing that, it's because they want to be wanky.

There's something to do that in office places. I've checked now. I think there's a strange.

I might be in an office, but in cool guys kind of vibe to it, and it just nobody's cool that works in office.

No, they're not.

And that's the point. It's I find it a bit of a turn off. And I bet the problem is I've been guilty of it. I've absolutely done it.

Well. Jenza is saying we're not doing it. We're just going to use normal language.

And where someone says, like, let's blue sky this deal, let's just think, you know, let's think about our creatively.

It's what I would be with them on that, But then they will replace things with their own words, like riz it's charisma, but English, and as a language evolves and changes, it does.

And I agree with that. But as I said, these group joy, these group think I like. I don't like that. I like rizk because it makes me think of mispronouncing cigarette papers. Oh yeah, you've made this point before. It's not it's not rizzler. It's real LACOI of the cross, which is what it's not wristler. Anyway, moving on from that story to something less, less irritating and more up your alley.

All right, and this is a story about a woman who was tied up in a in a forest by a husband for forty days. How aroused do you right now? Being tied up in a forest for forty days?

Oh? Oh, she does not look like she enjoyed that. She didn't.

However, it's come to like she actually tied her self up. Yeah, she wasn't. Really, she wasn't tied up by a husband. She did it to get him in trouble.

Oh what am there? How did they prove that and figure that out she admitted it. What a waste, What a waste of time? Then she made news? What did she Why did she finally decide to confess? Do we know? Because she could? It was just don't worry. As a joke, he's gone too far now he's going to go to prison. I didn't really mean for it to go that far. It's been dead twenty years now. Yeah, she was saying that it changed to her train. It was it was getting a bit deep in. It's like, oh no, she

Yeah, but if she did it so well that it was convincing that she couldn't have escaped for forty days, Like it's either going to be like actually done or very very well done enough for her to escape. If you got do you get in und I'm thinking yeah, no.

Because she if you tie yourself up, you know how you tie yourself up, So if you tied it, you're going to be able to untie it.

Yeah.

But if that's true, then then it's obvious that you could untie it.

It's not necessarily you either have to take well.

You either have to do it in a way where it's really not obvious and that's massively clever and complicated, or do it in a way where you actually have done it and just arranged to make sure that. Oh I know a bus is going to come by here within forty days, I will be found.

You know, how do you know a bus is going to go past in forty days? You obviously don't live in the UK.

It's due, it's due to be around it ten days, whether it turns off or not. Anyone's guess in that, right Margot or she died. If, like miss you don't know how buses work in the UK, why not share that with us at the coud TV on social media? And that brings us to our story of the week. What's your plan when you retire?

Oh it's a long time off. Yeah, yeah, this is a long time. Oh you can shut your face. I am not that old ladies and gentlemen and everybody else. I got a telegram from the King the other week. I don't plan on retiring for a while. I want to make sure I got a nice little nest egg when the time comes. A long, long time from now, which is actually quite irritating because I don't have to work all the time.

So I heard have a joke that I have got a very clever plan for when I retire, and that's to sell the house, okay, because then I've got money and then I can just go and live in a smaller house.

Yeah, it'll just be me.

There are some people who retire and just go, I'm going to live in a cruise from now on.

Oh no, I hate cruises.

Yeah, but for people who like cruises, actually it's quite a sound financial thing to do.

They sell the house or rent it. That's a nice little nest egg or a good wad of money, and it's actually cheaper than paying for a care home and you get much better quality of being looked after. I'm not going into care home. I'm going to be a burden to society in my own home care home.

This is a story about a gentleman who has been offered a retirement plan. Right, well, he's still the peak of his career, right, and that's to basically go on cam soda. This is news of a French pole vaulter who has been offered to do pawn once he's finished his pole vaulting because he has a massive penis that stopped him winning gold.

Yes, that's all this, as far as I'm aware, they were actually never in line for even a bronze that that actually wasn't the flying musa penis is hue, right, Anthony AMERITTI, Yes, right, French massive cock pole vaulter. That's his. That's the bio, that's all his. Wikipedia will ever say. There is Yeah, nice bumb too. He does have a good arms, good chest.

I hate to say, I hate to hate to say. It brings the top out of me. I'm actually more interested in his bum because it's a very nice little pet one that brings the top.

Out in you. It does, so non existent part of myst comes out const me.

Right, No, I did see that, and it does look very big when it's whacking into that one. But trust me, I've looked every other picture. It's not quite as prominent as apart from when it's being moved right to the front by something he's trying to get.

His leg over.

I think that is correct a semi. He's very excited going over that pole.

Yeah, that's what I think it is.

It's not allowed to have sex in the Olympic village until after they've let their event.

Well, Tom Davis shows those anti sex beds. Didn't it not work? They don't. Oh look there's an anti sex bed just shag on the kitchen town everybody else. Yeah, two hundred and fifty thousand dollars has been offered to whack it out for everyone to see. Yeah, I'm not surprised. I'd give them a hand. And that's all. That's all the bus for this week. Thanks for that, Mike.

Yeah, that's another one to add to me little portfolio videos to watch on the train.

You're welcome, Missed stay right there. That's coming up after this short break, myst bring us up to date with celebrity news in showbiz. Oh, welcome back.

You're watching Chewing the Cud and this is the part of the show where we look into the what who's in the who's what of the world of celebrity, and that's for Missed in the Showbiz. Just before we start, Missed gallery, can you smell something weird? Oh no, it's okay, we'll know what it is. Sorry, m hm.

Fresh as a daisy, I would say, very old daisy. It's a bit all like populary at the moment. It's not like popular, it's like put it in the compost, smells the.

Show business musky musky anyway, show bits show.

We're trying to be professional here. Of course you are. Yes, I've got show business for So first up, compost, crutch, compost, that becomes a thing.

I'm blaming you, right. So first up we have Dylan and the Moon. Now they're an indie hop singer, the full named Dylan Holloway if I'm pronouncing that correctly. They've been releasing singles since twenty twenty two, including Lemons with a certain Jason Derulo.

I like Jason because you know why. It's one of his songs. J Actually, I'm not a big fan of that's it's good. It's good, but but it's not my favorite. Nice Day is my favorite. It's a really nice song. Anyway, they've been with releasing songs in that time. And it's also around about them that they came out as transitioning and being on testosterone and making their journey, because you probably know them from before they transitioned because they were a singer back then. They were part of the duo

I don't know, I don't watch X I watched the series one of The X Factor, and I went, oh, right, this is just like all the other reality TV show singer off.

Yeah.

Well, there is quite a memorable moment because they came on as part of a band called m K One and Dylan when they were a girl and this two fellas with them, one who was a very good rapper and the other guy who looked like their accountant, who joined them on stage. It was a bit of a disaster because those two were brilliant and he was he was part of the trio, but it just as a

Otherwise you're not carrying on.

And it was quite painful because you could tell they were really quite close friends. Okay, but anyway, ancient history that and they've moved on. They've produced in their career, and they did release some quite good music as a female artist, but then transitioned. Now what's really making interesting is they're taking advantage of all the back catalog that they have, and they're releasing new versions of songs that

That's cool.

It's actually really quite beautiful. Some of it takes on the particular one that if you get a chance to see it, because it's really quite beautiful. There's one where they sing in a three part harmony, so three different states like twenty eighteen, twenty twenty two and twenty twenty four beginning during after and their three very different tonal voices and they sing Yellow but from Coldplay, and it's genuinely really quite beautiful hearing these different tones and they

And one video to actually watch it is. They did a video where they remade the video as well, so they've resung the song and readne the video with the same people in the same locations. Yes, yeah, yeah, it's all my shot for shots, isn't it exactly? And that is a stunning video song too, So yeah, we love Dylan. Yeah, onto our next little story. So this was one quite enjoyed researching. Yes, so the fashion house low they've brought out a T shirt very much in the style of Frankie says Relax.

So it's black oppers playing black text on a white T shirt.

Calka thing. So it's a not about anal sex, not anal sex, no, okay. Basically it says ink your milk, okay.

And it's all to help raise money for this lk GP.

Yeah, kind of giving it away too early here, So what we're you saying?

Yeah, So it's all to promote money and raise money for this LGBTQ charity called the Shameless Project. And it's all about raising funds for charities all around the world that are nonprofits trying to promote a shameless world for our community.

Okay. And it's all done by Jonathan Bailey. I love Jonathan Baby, we do love reasons?

Well, yeah, I love him for two reasons now as well his charitable work. And see I don't really watch Bridgeton and all the other things.

This video.

It's especially the audio he's promoting it. It's just him opening up for fridge and drinking some milk. That's all it is. But the sound of it, and cheeky grin and the licking of the.

Sound of someone drinking milk has got you excited. Careful wearing that skirting iron iron, I don't.

It's it's filthy, That's all there is to it. It's just filth. I think it's suggestive rather than filth. The stuff you watch on a train. It's he's never gonna let me lift that down. It's it's very sexual. It's and yeah, okay, so the T shirts do cost one hundred and seventy five pounds. Okay, was interested less interested now?

But if it has said it was fifty inquid and I probably bought one o one hundred pounds for a white T shirt. Well, it's it's gonna be that white T shirt, right, It's gonna be no on five pounds.

It's the one he's sweated in and covered himself in milk. And I bet that go for a million and seventy five. That would don't have that much money? Oh no, no, I don't know. I'd be bidding for it though. And do we have one hundred thousand pounds? May miss, you've got no money? Shut up, that's not gonna happen.

I wouldn't be able to raise my hand.

Anyway. Never do that again. Actually rub yourself in my presence in a skirt. It's not a skirt. It's a very flimsy guilt anyway.

Next story, actor Brandon Flynn. Now you may recognize them from Thirteen Reasons Why. And they had a roll and ratchet and there've been been in lots of different bits of bobs.

Also quite handsome. It really is a bit of a looker. You've not got laid for a long time, though, I haven't got laid in a very long time. And the inspiration is pouring off by Calvin Klein.

To be fair, he's a little bit well he's up for thirty, but he's one of those guys who really doesn't look it like that guy will be a twink for a long long time.

Yeah, So they've got a new project coming up.

They're basically going to adapt a nineteen ninety four novel called The Rent.

Boy or just rent Boy rather, Sorry, should I do that again? No? No, I'm going yeah. I like that book. Oh you know it, I know it. Ooh read things.

Oh I haven't read it. I've only read the synopsis and it sounds cool enough. So basically it's by an American author called Gary Indiana, and they're going to adapt it for the big screen. And apparently they've become very good friends. The author he's now eighty four and he's thirty, and they've gone hanging out with gay bars around Brooklyn to kind of bond and develop the story.

And apparently you can still drink people into the tables theydentious.

They've had a good time apparently, but the story does that you can probably verify this then. The novel is a black comedy combining murder and with crime, sex and desire, taking readers on a hysterical romp through contemporary culture of nineteen ninety four culture. Rent Boy follows Danny, an attractive waiter, architectural student, and part time sex worker who spends his evenings in New York serving cocktails and servicing horny businessman.

Cocktails there is. It's very cute. I wish I'd look like that at thirty said you wishuld look like that? Eighteen. His nipples verysymmetric, which I'm not mad about. I think that that might be ways leaning.

But anyway, the plot apparently is that his world, this is Danny, the character is upended when he meets a fellow gay sex worker who introduces him to the world of organ harvesting and becomes embroiled in a theft ring centering around a crazy old doctor and a crack pot nurse. That's really the plot. It's really the plot. I need to read this book immediately.

When you start.

When you start reading it, it's very like light hearted and kind of like it's a little bit sexy, a little bit fun, okay, and then you go, it's.

What do me? What? Sorry? Just you know, what did I do?

Then whilst you're down there, just slice them open, take out a kidney. That's what's going on.

I'm not going to spoil it for anybody, because spoilers are rude.

Anyway, that's all from the show is this week.

Thanks for that, miss always nice to know that we've got some basically some low reent pawn for you. But don't go anyway because coming up next we have a game to play in our Game of the week. Welcome back to you in the cud with me. Don't do that, Mike Benning Row and him a swamp crutch. Now it's time for the part of the show.

We'll play a little game and this is for our very own home, sown person. So off you pop. I did not make these myself. No, that's what else to do it for you? Y of the week? So are kilted skirted a home zone? Myst is currently in the special area and has the lazy Susan's question, Roulette, Are you ready there? I am ready in my perfectly normal shop, bought kilt that I am now going to do the quiz. Nice, thanks, horrible horrible man? Right, okay, are you ready? I am?

What what do you call a building that has been constructed just to look pretty? It's not meant to be a house or anything.

Okay, just to be there, just to be there, no real use of function, just to be pretty. M hm. See the word pretty is making me think it's not missed Kinsman. So a fully, that is exactly correct. And that's also a word you can't use to describe me. Ah, it's pretty building. I'm built quite beautifully, thanks very much. Music, Stanislavsky method and Meisner are all techniques commonly used by which profession fisting? Mm hmmm they are? These are all

Actually wouldn't know. I didn't think ethel Merman had another name. But it's possible.

Yes, it's true. I will have to google that later. I don't rather, I just save yourself some time. Anna gets another thing. I like to check my facts. You don't, bloody do seem to the show? Bis?

I researched that after the initial researchers robbed them from another news worthy magazine movies.

Okay, I'm not too sure anyway. What are the three secondary colors? Now?

If I have learned anything from Meca, brown, blue and violet sky.

No, no close. You could have gone in that green, purple and orange. Okay, purple, Yeah, purple was in there at least let's try the nice health and like a purple luck to be anything in line, mean, gonna be green, gonna be everything? Or why don't you like me? Why didn't you like me? Because I am up? Or you can see why he does the thing, usually with a gag in his mouth.

Anyway, what I do in the privacy of my own bedroom slash public bar is nothing but my own business.

It's everybody's business. We can all see you whils we're going up to the bar ourselves anyway.

What is the name for a group of performers in a classical Greek play who comment on the dramatic action?

Good question. Is it wanted commentary or not wanted commentary? It depends on the play. Really unwanted. It's a heckler if you know it's a narrator.

No, it's a collective group, so it's not a commoneur. It's common tours but all speaking as well in unison, in unison.

In classical Greek that you need to refer to the cast of as what I know it because you were around at the time. You're not denying it, not just saying no, denying, no, nothing. I have been reincarnating all of this. Yes, it is well done. A chorus, and that's any group of people making noise with their faces. Why it's not an orgy, it's a chorus of sex.

It's it's where where the word comes from. Really do sports? Sorry, we've got a sports question.

No problem with sports. I'm all about the balls, and I was playing sports last night. I was a sports. I had golf. I had golf mallets inserted where no, we're hitting the round thing into the thing over the clown. If you do crazy golf as a date night thing, it was a date night thing in a couple of guess work, it doesn't count as sport. It was hot, it was sweating, and I was drunk at sport. That's

Something that doesn't is a recognizable object. Now, if I'm channeling my grandparents, it would be ship that. If I'm channeling art people, it would be amazing, lovely, And it's like.

Yeah, it's the kind of art those people usually really like or at least started out.

On finger painting. No, it's like it's one of the staples of modern art, of the one of the staples, yeah, or one of the beginnings of modern art staples the staples. It's a form of art that there's no art form called the staple art there is now I've just invented it or a genius. Do I have an answer please? I've given you many answers, an actual attempt to direct one. I've given you one. The answer is abstract.

You just didn't quite get how I was answered the question because I was being abstract.

Ooh, look at you trying to be clever retrospectively general knowledge. I tried to be thin retrospectively. Hey, it's beginning to work slowly. I've lost ten pounds, so vibe, but I could probably wallet through a wash anyway. In twenty sixteen, which British artist was given the exclusive right to use Vanter black in the blackest material in the world, I want to say, Damien Hurst, No, I do know about this. I do know that a revenge artists brought out the

Oofed right a quick spin? General knowledge again? Which number is the Roman numeral for ivy?

Asked that question again? Which number is the Roman numeral for ivy? There's four? Yeah, but I would have thought that what the number? That would have given away the answer anyway? You got it right? Well, Yeah, it's not a hard one. General knowledge.

Which American talk show host has also hosted the Oscar ceremony.

In twenty seventeen.

Yeah, I think that's often now, but can have added this short break. Miss Brings is looking to something a little bit more creative than his mind in Crafty Queens, welcome back. And you're still here with Mike and missed and chewing the cud. Now it times to do something that mist once referred to as his personal favorite as it's missed in Crafty Queens.

Now, Mike, I'm quite a here suits, gentlemen. And you wouldn't know this, but I do. I do a bit of man escaping down below, gaping manscaping.

I'm escaping. I've heard the lawn mower going in the bathroom before a show.

Let's let's just say it's it's it's very clean, clut, very trim, okay, very trim. You're overly trimmed, yes, okay, yes, but apparently that's that's not very very good anymore. People people like a little bush these days. The fashion fashion swung the other way, okay. And and and I know you was as a boldy gentleman. I was a bit worried you might be a bit boldy down there. And no, no, no, I have I have hair everywhere apart from the top

I'm quite a fan of the G string, to be honest, but yeah, these are particularly tight ones. They are deliberately small because we are not going to be using them as a G string. Oh no, no, no, no, this is to make your own magnificent murkin. Okay, now to make our murkin, we do not need to be covering up the main event. So you're going to take your G string and just where you can see the little

Is it for the meat or the meat and the bench up to you?

Really, because we all have a different place where we want to put the cock ring for.

Doing what it needs to do. If you want to lift all of it to the front, make it totally larger to accommodate the balls. If you just want you to winkle to the front just enough for your winkle winkle, yes, you know how much will need to be moved to accommodate. So that's the first incision I want you to make. Okay, Okay, you will also see that I've got you some age appropriate hair color. Okay, a nice big triangle. Now it's

Well, first, what you're going to do is you're going to cut it out into the portion in the shape that you want, okay, and then you're going to add what just just just chop into it.

Just chop into it. It's just a bit of old cushion. I'm going to go for a triangle. So I'm just going to take the end of this. You don't need much, Okay, I've got what I call the Hitler, the Hitler, the Hitler. Just let it not be the Charlie chaplain. Now it's the Hitler. Okay, it's going to invade the ride land. Okay.

I can see where you're going there. So if you just take that off it looks quite angry when on the stage. Yeah, right, And you can do this now or you can do this later. I don't think it particularly matters.

But if you secure that with your glue, okay, through the top portion of your g string, just above where you inkle would be.

Okay, loofed. Where where's where's the glue? Which was the glue? I gave you a little pot of glue. It'll be a little square pot, square pot.

It's pink and sparkly, yes, pink and sparkly, not that you'll really see it. It's the right consistency too. But if it ever falls off during the act or you just need to just I'm enjoying this glue. It is.

It's got a strange, quiet kind of viscosity to it. But it's a bit it's a bit commy. Yeah, that's the more gutter way of saying what I just said.

So I've got commie rag.

You've got a commie your comrag that you're going to affix to your g string.

Just above that little incision you made earlier.

Hell now, as I was trying to say earlier, if you want to disguise this age appropriate murkin and get rid of the gray, I have also allows you a little decoration. So you should have another pot with some little glittery hair gel in there and some extra glitter so you can tart it up a bit. So you just drop the glitter into the hair. Joe, how how much you like? Give it a swigger around your way ahead.

It's a good noise at the ASMR factor. It's quite it's quite there. And yeah, just apply that to the bushy hair that is now even more cummy.

Like your cum has bits in, macum does have bits in, which is why you need to be very careful what you put in your body, ladies and gentlemen.

And yeah, just decorate your marking, okay, so I just spread it on. Yeah, however you are pubis is very matted. Now it is a matted pubis. But you know this is why I usually shave it off. Okay, So where did you get this idea from? Missed from your usual co host Lee? You're took in a suggestion off? Lee? Yes? Was he drunk? Ummm? Possibly? Okay, but yes, we like the idea of a magic murking magic murky Now that sounds and sounds light. Lee.

And just because we are not a graphic show, no matter how lude we may be, in order to demonstrate this well, I have got your banana to represent the.

Percy's pickles pickle pickle if you want to. Just are you inferring that my penis is pig like? Yes? Really? And therefore I did my how far away from your dick ish your pubic hat? I could do my quite low? Let's let's adjust that a little bit. I think I can say that back up later. What the hell I know to do quite low? There? Oh? No, I'll accept what I've done, go with the artistic flow. So there we stick a banana throw. Now, you stick a banana through, just so we can see what it would look like.

You see, you asked me to make a whole that size appropriate, but not for the banana you asked for it a whole appropriate for me.

So this isn't working. I think you overestimate yourself quite a bit. My ballots are huge. I have to buy a bigger underwear than we waste fordbundon.

So yes, you can now see what this all a fancy, beautiful piece of appendage will look like on your body.

And if you're lucky, I'll let you see what it really looks like later.

Ah, but remember if you can't get any pin or any vagine or anything in between, be a crafty queen.

So the Mrkin looks just like this, So I've got a magnifying glass. So rude, doesn't it look pretty? That's mangled. You try to please some people. No one's been pleased by that means well, somebody will enjoy it. I'm sure it wasn't so.

Much the fact it looked like it had been hit with a sledgehammer, and it was the weird smell that looks gonna be off it too again, COMPOSTI.

Some people don't just enjoy a good frame. You don't just go to the mona Lisa, go oh, look it's a pretty picture. That's exactly what people go to see the Mona Lisa for. They don't go look at the frame.

To joint or a button exactly bullshit. They go, oh, lot, that's that money.

Sure, she's watching me, she's watching me, she's watching me.

The Mona Lisa would be beautiful and the Mona Lisa, but it is housed in the Louver, which is a beautiful building. It wear something thing is placed and how it is placed helps contribute to enhancing the beauty.

That is already there.

But if there's no beauty there, like your cock anyway, that's almost the end of the show for now. But on screen you can see how contact details it is at the coud TV on social media, and if you want to catch up with previous episodes, you can always spinge us on YouTube.

Just look for Chewing the Cut. Thank you for watching, and we'll see you again next week. Bye. What happens? Yeah you wait, that's happening.