Checking In Replay: A Special Holiday Message

Lots of people you know to me, I noticed, I feel like it's real quiet this holiday season. I expected to see more or holiday decor I know I don't have any decorations. I'll be in Dallas at Gateway Church. I'm doing all six of their holiday services. So there are three services on the twenty third, three services on the twenty fourth, So if you are in the Dallas area,

I would love to see you. And then Christmas Day, I believe I will be home in Illinois with my family or I might have to run it back to Atlanta, depending on this weather. For New Year's I'm excited I will be opening up the Rolls Bowl Parade. I'm so excited about that. I want to get y'all all the information for that. I got approached about doing the Rose Bowl Parade from a longtime friend of mine in choreographer.

His name is Kevin Wilson. Kevin Wilson has danced for Britneys, Christina Aguilera, him and his brother Kevin and Marcel Wilson. Janet Jackson share for some of everybody. We were childhood friends and they were in the arts for a long time. And I'll never forget when I joined Destiny's Child and we did some shows with Christina Aguilera. It was so amazing to see my friends that I grew up in church with friends that I grew up in school with. We were on the road together and so Kevin Wilson

reached out to me about this Rose Bowl performance. So we were kicking off the one hundred and thirty fifth Rose Parade. I will be with David Archiletta, Cassidy Pope and Rush Davis. So I'm excited. They're revamping the Rose Bowl Parade. So I'm excited to be a part of history. I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm not excited about the call time, but it's going to be amazing again. That's the Rose Bowl Parade on January first. But let me run it

back to Christmas services in the Dallas area. If you are down, I want to see you at one of six services, or if you want to be with me for all six services, you are welcome in Dallas. Show up for your girl at Gateway Church. I'm doing two songs and I'm very excited about the song selections. So just come and hang out with your girl again. I will be at Gateway Church in Dallas, Texas. So if you in Dallas and you love me, you don't have no excuse to not show up. All right? Okay, great?

So have y'all been shopping? I haven't bought a ting. I'm just gonna do gift cards. I'm going to do gift cards. There are a couple friends that I'm going to send some items to. Other than that, the rest of folks is getting gift cards or you're getting a hook. That's all I got, you know. I feel like saying a year round, I'm tapped out. I'm tapped out. It's like, what y'all get in me? All right? I want to hear somebody say, tee, what you want for Christmas. I'm waiting.

I'm waiting, I'm waiting. But it's a blessing. It's a blessing. It's a blessing. This is going to be a great holiday season. I had to run something back that I posted on the ground, and that is checking in this holiday season. You know, we talk about setting emotional and financial boundaries. If you ain't got it, you ain't got it.

That's emotionally and financial. Listen, if you don't have the emotional capacity or bandwidth to be around people, if you're tired, you do know you can take this time to rest. You know that, right, and it's your business. As our good sister Tabitha Brown says, Now, unless you have children, resting during the holiday season could be close to impossible. You know, you got the kids. You know they're wondering

what they're getting for Christmas. They won't sanam that this, that, or But for that parent, you might be stressed because maybe right now, maybe it's tough for you financially. Maybe you're like, I want to get my children stuff for Christmas, I just don't have the financial means. So how are you going to show up for your family this holiday season? When you're stressed out about what you're going to be able to get. So the real meaning behind the holiday season,

whatever that means for you. You know, the holiday season has to be about family and connection, okay, And I feel like some of these kids won't. No child, if you go to Family, Dollar, Dollar, General, Dollar, Tree and Honey, spend five dollars and get them five toys, they won't even know. They just these kids just want something to unwrap, y'all. I didn't care. I don't think I cared where my gifts came from. Now, when I got to a certain age, I kind of knew if something was cheap or not.

But for the most part, I didn't know where these gifts came from. I just wanted something to open. So parents are stressing out about gifts for their children. Y'all know how we are now As I was a child too. You play with that toy that you wanted all year, you finally get it for Christmas, you unwrap it, you play with it for one day, maybe two days. Then you're all playing with some old mangy toy that you

didn't have the past seven eight years. You don't even So we all out here spending money for these children and they don't even don't stress yourself out, mother, don't stress yourself out. Don't you do it? But at the same time, I'm not a parent, but I'm putting myself in your shoes. If you are in the place where you do want your children to have presents under the trees, but you feel like you just can't do it, and so I understand, I totally understand. But you still have

to set emotional and financial boundaries. Do not go bankrupt because of one day out of a year. Two Be around emotionally safe people. Shall you know the folks that wear you out, the folks that all always got something to say about how you dress or how you cooked the greens. Why the chicken ain't crispy enough? Who told you to make dark chocolate brownies? I won't regular milk chocolate. I don't like dark chalkd like if somebody else he's got something to say. Why you ain't married yet, or

why you and your husband didn't work it out. Why did you cheat on your girlfriend? Why you got foul baby daddies? Why be around emotionally safe people. Being around emotionally safe people, or when you walk in the house it's love. Ain't nobody finna bring up no drama? Like, don't use the holidays to bring up drama. There are three hundred and sixty four other days out of the year, but when Christmas or the Thanksgivings or the New Year's come for some reason, that's the day people like to

use to be foolish. No, be around emotionally safe people. Be around emotionally safe people. Where if you say I just I'm just I'm just tapped out this year, who still welcome you with open arms? Who say, sis, bro, I don't want anything from you. You're still welcome over here. Just come and put your feet up, Let's let's watch the game, let's watch something new on TV. You know what I mean. So being around emotionally safe people give

yourself grace. So when I said set emotional and financial financial boundaries and be around emotionally safe people, you give yourself grace. If you feel like you're not meeting people's expectations, give yourself grace. If you feel like you didn't meet your own expectations, it's okay. Give yourself grace. If you snapped on somebody, give yourself grace. Just know, don't do it again, but do give yourself grace. Okay. Number four, be honest about where you are. Be honest about where

you are. I'm not feeling well this holiday season, and so I don't want to be around a lot of people. And that's it. You don't have to do no longer drawn out explanations. I'm reading something right now that says, keep it short and sweet. Be clear, okay, if you know, hey, just be just be honest about where you are. Just be honest. Hey, I don't have the money this year. Some folks say, hey, we'll have Christmas when I get

my tax return. We ain't got it right now, Be clear about where you are, or say, hey, we're going to go volunteer at a homeless shelter this year. We're gonna give. I don't want to make it all about finances and what we don't have. Let's give. Let let's give up our time. Okay, go to a soup kitchen, go volunteer. Be honest about where you are. It's okay to not have it. It's okay to not go. That's number five. It's okay to not have it, and it's okay to not go, but you have to be clear.

I'm reading an article that was published in twenty twenty two about giving expert advice for navigating conversations with family. According to Metro dot co dot uk, Aiden Milan writes this article and they she says, be clear. It's important to be clear about what you want with minimal delay. Don't beat around the bush, says No. Lack of clarity and communication is what often causes friction. So don't wait till Christmas Day maybe or New Year, just just starting out,

start the conversation out. Just hey, it's a possibility. I'm not gonna make it. Be clear, be clear with friends and family. Don't make it personal, Okay, says If you're skipping the family Christmas this year because of someone in particular, it's probably best to leave that part out, like, don't personalize the reasons. Don't say, hey, I ain't going to Granny's house because ain't he Brenda be musty, I ain't going to Grandma's house because I don't like her new husband.

Don't don't don't make it personal, make the reasons for your non attendance about your own wishes and wants. You can just say, hey, I just want to rest, you know, brace for compromise. Try to be flexible flexible when it comes to making get up to your family. Be prepared to negotiate on alternatives, such as other dates to visit, even offer the FaceTime do a video call. That would be a considerate compromise. According to this article, don't apologize.

There's obviously no need to be crue, but stand by your choice when you chat about it. Noel says, don't apologize for your decision, but do infacy thighs with the other people's feelings of dissatisfaction or disappointment. Don't take responsibility for how they are going to react. Don't take responsibility for their feelings. If you really say, hey, mommy doesn't have the money right now, but we will, we will, we will do something soon, Okay, I know it hurts

you know. Or prop a script. Start the chat with the clear idea of what you want to say and how you want to say it. Prepare yourself with the script of what you want to say, keep it neutral, and practice it. When you have the conversation with your family, think about the setting and time. Try to ensure people have eaten and are not too tired, as negative reactions can come from being angry or being tired. Also make sure the setting is not overstimulating. Keep it short and sweet.

Noel says that keeping the conversation brief can help keep things from escalating. Try to manage the conversation so it does not go on too long. Keep it business light so it doesn't descend into drama. Organize it like a work meeting with time and place, boundaries and an agenda. Allow folks to have their say, taking turns, but it's not about decision making. That's already done. Meaning I said what I said. I said, I'm not coming, but I

do want you to have your set. It's not gonna change you'll feel, but I do want you to have yourself. So that's how we are checking in this holiday season. I am excited to know your thoughts. Now. There are gonna be some people that gonna be like Michelle, I can't relate. I love my family. I start Christmas shopping in July, so it ensures that everybody I love has gifts. Or if you don't celebrate the holiday season. This is in respect to people who do not celebrate the holidays

at all, but you still love fellowship. Maybe you just kind of you know, love seeing everybody else excited. Respect to the listeners as well, who are like, maybe I can't relate because I don't sell to break Christmas anywhere. I hear you as well, so you probably just sitting back with your popcorn, like seeing all these people get stressed out. Like for me, I hate the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping. I hate what it does to people.

It makes people anxious. It makes people upset because they're trying to find this gift for a loved one. You know it's Christmas Day, but you wait till Christmas Eve. Oh it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart. So I want to go back to those you know who just absolutely adore the holiday season. Like my mother, Honey, she would just start crying when she would wrap Christmas gifts. I don't know if she was crying because she spent too much money, but I felt like she just loved

the Christmas season so much. She only wants snow when it's Oh, if it's not snowing, it ain't Christmas. Like there are some people who just just they just I feel like Kelly, Kelly loves Christmas. I'm not saying I being on love Chris, but Kelly the tree had been up probably since August child I don't know, but she just loves it, loves it, loves it, loves it, loves it. Me, on the all the hand, I don't have a Christmas tree up. Again, I'm not gonna be home anyway, but

as me and I feel like things will change. I don't have children. I have a dog, but I don't know. No one's coming over here excited for Christmas. Okay, so I'm not doing I don't have any decorations. Someone gave me a cute, little like lantern thing. I don't know whatever. So but again, I do love when people are excited. A friend of mine was facetiming me yesterday and their mother has the house decked out, multiple trees everywhere. There's a light for everything. I mean, it looks like the

Christmas department at Target or something. I mean, it's it's it's it's lights everywhere. So that did actually make me excited because I know that I know that their mom is excited. You know. So I do get excited when I see other people excited. I'm not that much of a grunch, I do. I do get excited, you know. So I just wanted to just share and send some love to see what everybody is up to and how

everybody has been feeling. I do no. Seasonal depression, you know, is a real, real, real thing, especially during the holidays. This this weather doesn't know what it wants to do, and so I definitely want to acknowledge those who might just be feeling the blues, you know, for this holiday season. So I encourage you to get out from fresh air does wonders. And I know you're like, you got to get up first to get outside. I'm telling you, fresh air does wonders. I'm excited for my baby, my dog.

I love taking him out for walks. He gets so excited. I just put the leash in my hand and he just gets all excited because he knows we're about to go on that walk, you know. And so just go out, get some fresh air, have a conversation with someone you haven't had in a while. Go grab that cup of coffee, you know, Go grab a nice warm croissante, or y'all make you some toast in the oven. Honey, that be the best toast, that broiler oven toast you want to

talk about, Bababe, ain't no depression around here. If I got a broiler, put that butter, Put some pieces of butter on that bread stick it up. Ooh, and seasonal depression, where it's time to get that broiler going, get that toask on. Some people like to put a little sugar on it, you know. I just like a little apple jelly. Yes, there is a such thing as apple jelly, not apple butter, which is good, but I love apple jelly. I just want to just send love to those who might maybe

you're just feeling the seasonal blues. And we talked about that a few episodes back, about seasonal depression and how that thing is real, you know, from the fall till about March until that weather starts turning because there's less sunshine right now. So that really, really really has been affecting, affecting people. So just want you to know that you are loved. Someone just said that, hey, they've been struggling a bit and that they're glad that they are not alone.

Never alone, never alone. There's always gonna be someone who can relate to what you're going through. And don't let those lies and those emotions tell you opposite. You are not alone. Okay, So yes, Honey, it's been some good stuff going on. Thank y'all for the love the past few weeks. Honey, about some fashion choices. Child, Jason Bowen is my friend. I went to a wedding in Dallas and so that's what those last pictures were from. So

that was fun. That was fun. I know, I said, I won't gonna show no more leg I'm not doing briefs again. I might do a little high split and address or something, but yeah, I'm not. We're not gonna do that. We're not gonna do that. So that's what we're not going to do. Did I tell y'all? So I think since I've talked to you, did we talk about Thanksgiving? And I told you? Did I tell you? Did we let me see? Because that was okay? I think we talked about a little bit, y'all. My turkey

was a tinch salty. Child tried dispatchcock it and we I brined it and then injected it with some Cajun seasons and it got a little salty. I might try to do something else, maybe for New Year's or Christmas. I feel like I need I need another chance to get it right, y'all ever feel that way? You need a chance to get it right. We'll see. It depends on if I go home for Christmas to Illinois or stay here in the Atlanta area. We shall see, we

shall see again. I want to see your faces. If you're in Dallas, I want to see you at Gateway Church, all right. It's it's in south Lake, seven hundred Blessed Way, south Lake, Texas. All right, So come on on, don't wait. The music is going to be great. It's beautiful. I already got a sketch of one of the songs that I'm singing. It has two words, so I'm gonna give you it's a nice song. It's song you've heard before,

so I'm excited. I just got the sketch yesterday to make sure that the key is comfortable and all that good. So I love working with music departments. There are passionate professional babebe m m mmm, folks is calling themselves professionals, and they ain't. I love getting my music in time. I get to study it, I get to rehearse it, so I'm really, really, really excited about it. So again, I want to see you there, all right. And then those of you who are not able to go to

the Rose Bowl Parade. Make sure you tune in to it. It's gonna be exciting. It's going to be exciting. Again. I'm not excited about that four thirty am call time, but we gotta do what we gotta do. So that's what's been going on. I'm excited about this year is it's been a blessed year. It has really been a blessed year. There's some things coming up in twenty twenty four. One project I was very, very excited about it has been pushed back. Negotiations are still going on. Oh gosh,

I did something so fun. It's gonna air January third on Fox. Okay, that's all I can say about it. Oh, I'm excited about it now. This is not what I did in Ireland. Okay, in Ireland I did. Okay, I filmed a show in Ireland. But it's gonna film. It's gonna air here in the States. But keep your eyes tuned January third. It's gonna be something so oh my gosh, so fun, just so endearing. I'll leave it at that. It's been some cool, fun opportunities. I don't mind hard work.

You gotta you know what I'm saying. But some of the majority of the hard work, it's gotta be fun. If I can't make it fun, I don't want to do it. I don't want I don't want to do it. And I hope that you guys that are listening you can get to a place in your lives and your careers actually don't wait. Everybody's working hard, everybody's making sure, honey, the bills are paid. But if you can find something with what you do to make some part of it fun.

I know some people might be like Michelle. I work in the emergengency room. There's nothing fun about seeing blood and guts. There's nothing fun about seeing babies cry and you're trying to figure out why they're in so much pain. There's nothing fun about it. I get that part of the job. It's not fun. But there's got to be something fun in the break room when you're actually able to take a break, you know, or just I get it. Folks are working, Folks are doing, like, oh my gosh,

so many stressful, stressful jobs. And I want you to know I see you, and I hear you, but you deserve to have some fun somehow, have fun as long as it does not compromise the integrity of the work that you gotta do. All right, If I'm in the emergency room, I don't think I want to hear jokes. Let's get to the problem first and then we can laugh later. I totally, I totally get it, and some I just want you all to know. You know, I've

been having some fun with what I do. I think in twenty twenty four, just more impact, making more impact positively in the lives of as many people that I possibly can. Will you join me in that, making impact positively in the lives of as many people as you can? What do you say to that? Will you join me? If you don't mind, tell me how are you going to do that? I think I want to volunteer a lot more. I want to volunteer more. There's some things that I want to do, and I think I want

to volunteer a lot more. I had the chance to volunteer last week in Tampa. There's an organization called Feeding Tampa, and what struck me was that there are people that work every day. They're working Monday through Friday nine to five, and some are still struggling to make ends. Meeting, so we distributed food. It was a mobile pantry where they stay in the car and we just put the food in the back of their and their trunks or in the back seat of the car, or wherever they want

their food. And one woman she recognized who I was, and she just began to weep, and she was just telling me how you know she works for. If I set the name of the company, you would know it. And but just how tough it's been. So I just want to tell anybody who's listening to me, who's feeling

like it's been tough. Like I said, you've been wanting to provide something amazing for the holiday season, but you'd rather say, Hey, as long as we got food on the table, you know that that's the best you can do. And I want you to know that that is all right, that's the best you can do. This is a safe zone over here. Ain't no judgment over here, y'all. I'd rather have good food than gifts anyway. So don't feel bad again. Do not feel bad, But my heart is

with you. I'm praying for better times for you, and I'm praying that y'all get some unexpected coins that you were not expecting in twenty I pray that you get it now, and I pray and I'm gonna save something for the twenty twenty four episode. But just that that at this time, that that you know that your prayers are heard, that your worries and concern are being seen, right, Okay, So just know that I love y'all so so, so so much, and this time next week we'll be in touch. Okay,

this time next week, Christmas would have passed. So I just want to encourage you up until now, up until the holiday season. Just let you know that I love you and thank you all for being the best gift that I can have, especially those that continue to listen to the podcast week after week after week after week. I love you, and I sure thank you those who just passed my episodes on to people that say, hey, I think you should listen to this episode. That makes

me smile. That makes me smile, and the messages that I've gotten from people saying that someone told them about my podcast. So thank y'all so much, and I will talk to you soon Marry Christmas. Checking In with Michelle Williams is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio, app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.