Episode 100 - Pounded By The Classics

It is like it's like a fun little bop and the next thing you know it's dicks, dicks, dicks.

Hello and welcome to the one hundredth episode of Cheap Smut. Holy shit. How you doing, Carl? I'm I was doing great until you said That. How are you doing, Katie? I'm I'm good. We are Katie Myzel and Carl Myself. Cheap Smut here with you the one hundred. Yeah. It's been just over two years since we started this podcast in February of twenty twenty three. And in that time it has grown and changed and evolved to the weird and wonderful creature that it is right now.

And the thing that makes this even more surreal is just we are recording this in our hotel room in Baltimore, Maryland. The at the end of day one of Monster Rotica BookCon 2025, the first ever Storotica book com. It honestly is m it's mind blowing. This entire event. Yeah, as guests of this place as we were invited to be We were asked to be participants in the first ever Monster Erotica book comp.

We're recording our 100th episode, and as if that wasn't enough, we are finally premiering on the main line. uh the uh the premiere of our new theme song, uh written and composed by Mated fates, aka me. Or me, aka mated fates. Uh you've already heard that. Um so surprise.

Um so yeah, so we are this episode w the book that Katie or the books really that Katie is covering um are on the shorter side. So we're gonna c squeeze a couple of them in, but they're still gonna be pretty short because we are going to talk about um the new theme song t a little bit and we are also going to talk about Monster Rotica uh a a little bit and then just sort of our thoughts about how we got here and and where we hope to go

From here. So I I think since we we mentioned Monster Rotica, yeah, and we're we're here at present, tell us tell us your thoughts. It's amazing. Everyone here is having the best day of their life right now. I'm sure of it. Yes. Like There we are in a room, a massive hotel. With people who are like Who's your favorite mind? Right? Yeah. Like who what what's your favorite monstrous MMC? There's a whole there's a double booth out there with hand carved, hand poured. Sex tour. Alien P Alien pussy.

This is like it's just a great place to be. It's a great place to be. And we just left costumed karaoke. Yeah. We took over the entire lobby of this place. Yeah, the atrium. The entire atrium of this conversation. With c people who are desperate. Singing every fucking song you can think of. I I sang mister Brightside. I I did. Katie So proud of you. Well how long have we been together? And how many times have I seen karaoke?

This is it. Yeah. Well, no. So there was one there was the New Year's New Year's Eve 2010 into 2011. I remember singing with Jerry. You sang one Did I? Okay. So allegedly I've sung three times. I sang Mr. Brightside at everyone. It wasn't so much that I sang it, I kind of performed it at them. You did amazing. Thank you. It was I it was like watching a Ha ha ha. Well, I felt the same way when you crushed Hot To Go. No. And don't say you didn't because you did.

And that's why our voices might sound a little bit different because we were down there for an hour and a half having conversations over very loud loud karaoke. Well we were in the concept. Six hours today Over hundreds of people and it's just this is the coolest, funnest, funniest. group of people if if we may For a little bit. name drop, I guess. We had we had dinner with Kate Pryor. We did. On Friday night and it she was as charming

And delightful as as we could have hoped, and ha as she's been in like the text conversations that we've had. Yeah. And as I've told Yeah. And I as I've told several people in standing in her line today, you could draw a direct line from her work to the existence of this podcast. And we had dinner with her. Yeah. We hung out with her. We did. I bought all her books today. All of her books.

All of the well the all three in the in the uh clause and Q. And then today we got to have dinner with with author slash patron Lindsay. Lindsay Rain. Yeah. We went out to a really awesome ramen place around the corner and we had dinner with Lindsay Rain. Yes. I mean, are you fucking kidding me?

These I mean it's just it to be to be a part of this community, we've hugged people whose were you know, like we've had conversations with people that we never thought, you know, whose we would talk to, whose work we admire. Opal Rain kind of remembered us. Yeah. She didn't know our names, but she was like, Oh, the Yeah. The married couple, the husband and wife. Yeah, that's right. It was so nice. Yeah. kind of remembered it. Yeah, even a little bit remembered us, and that's sweet.

Dakota Cockaday. Showed you her driver's license. I know our government name. I will never give it up. I will take it to the fucking grave. Yeah. You know how John Wick buried his guns and shit? I'm gonna do that. Gonna write your name down on a piece of paper and bury it. I'm gonna bury it in our fucking basement. Does that mean we can finish the basement? Yes. Yay! It's a backdoor pilot for a finished basement. This project is a backdoor pilot.

This is how I get my finished basement. Yeah. First I had to start a podcast. Then I had to make a hundred episodes of that podcast so that I could meet uh an author named Dakota Cockaday and have her show my husband her driver's license. So that he would then promise to bury it in the ground and I could finally get my finished basement. That's called sweat equity. That is not that's called Machiav Machiavellian equity.

Oh, so yes, it oh god, it's been so fucking fun. And and we get to do it all again tomorrow. And then our um our SmutGo Industries new hire uh orientation scavenger hunt has been going Like like gangbusters. Uh everybody uh the authors have been saying that people are having so much fun with it and that it has had the effect. That we were hoping.

That we were hoping for was that people would go up and try and figure out what not only what their password was, their scrambled word, but how it was relate how it related to their work. And, you know, some of them were directly to a book or a series, but some of them were more Relative to

their uh their word. Well by the time anyways, I was like, I don't I'm sitting here going, don't don't say it on the air. Like we're live. Like the people are downstairs listening. I can tell you that Vera Valentine's word was Was hinge. Yeah. Right. Mhm. Or that uh Heather Nix's word was sweets. Yes. Yeah. Right, you know? Yeah. On her on her fucking table card I misspelled the word shiver. Spelled I I quote unquote misspelled the jumble by missing the letter R.

So people walked up to her and were like, is it Shiv? What? No, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I have to imagine that feels bad to miss No An intentional misspelling. It does. It does. The thing that makes me even more mad is that I copy pasted those directly from the uh Spreadsheet? Yeah. And I just trusted that they were right. Yeah. And and so it's my fault. It's your fault. It's not my fault. It's your fault. SON OF A BITCH! Yeah.

Folks, you just you just realized you just heard us realize that in real time. It was hilarious. It's not a bit. We didn't write that. Okay. Monster Attica, go in like gangbusters. The Scavenger hunt, amazing. How are you feeling?

About Mount Starotica. Yeah. Amazing. Absolutely amazing. I I've had so many great conversations. I met so many awesome people. We finally met the Books with Benefits podcast folks, Jada and Cass. Yeah. Um and and Cody. And we we are so excited to work with them and and do some collaborative stuff with them.

We've talked to authors, uh I I don't think it's any secret. I think we've talked about this on the show before, about we've started to kind of like dip our toes and ask questions about publishing and like moving into that space. space. Moving into the writing space. So it's been informative and e educational from that standpoint.

Um, we we are two performers. We we love to be on and perform and to a certain extent as people on this podcast, we kind of have to be on you it's almost like you have to pretend This is who we are on the show. No, you just have to turn yourself up to eleven. Exactly. You just have to do that a little bit more. And I love doing And yeah,'cause I miss performing. I was a comedian many, many years ago and I I miss that and I think it's pretty obvious that I fancy myself funny on the show.

So to be able to do it in real time on the fly and like actually know because when I think I when I I say something funny on the show, all I can do is just pat myself on the back. Yeah. But when I say something funny in front of a group and most of them laugh, it's like That feels great. So it's just been s and it's great connecting and'cause I haven't had that connection in a long time in that way. Mm-hmm. So it's been really And seeing so many people feeling so comfortable and feeling so seen.

Yes. Yes. It's just been No I I no. Because it does. Yep. And to to reference uh the book that we covered, I believe, in episode eight, Ice Planet Barbarians, it's like it's like your queen. Your queest singing. Your que is singing. Yeah. And it's all the time and it's just your i the cacophony that you hear in the room is just quee. Yeah. All the humming.

Yeah. And also people are like s buying books like fucking hotcakes, which we I mean, we're not really here for the capitalism it of it all, but it's really great to hear how many authors are like, I'm already low on stock. Yeah. No but from from that standpoint, if if you were gonna do ethical capitalism oh yeah this is as close to ethical capitalism I mean this is

It's a room full of people who none of that money is going to other places. It's going right back to the people who Think of a think of a smuddy book show as a bit like a craft show. Mm-hmm.

Speaking of things we can't get enough of, Carl Tell me about story time. Okay. Um yeah, so We mentioned it late at last year, I think at the end of the season. I was going to write uh the theme song uh to the podcast. I was working with my friend Rob, uh but as things go when people are very busy, adults have lives, you know, the collaborative efforts across even time zones has been difficult.

Uh so Rob and I are going to collaborate on things in the future. Uh I I'm sure of that. But I I I I wanted to do something for the show that I was like, you know what? I'm just I I I didn't want to keep using that as an excuse. So I wanted to just dive in and I wrote a couple of things like actually like, you know, wrote them up in my mind.

Uh in my mind. In my mind. Um and then I just I recorded little bits, but I never fully committed it because I didn't want to learn a DAW. I didn't want to fully get into a digital audio workspace. And then I discovered a s piece of software called OneBit Draft. that it makes making music. So fucking easy. that I wrote I woke up on a Sunday morning, you were over at your cousin's with the kids for sleepover. Fighting a hangover.

Um and I got up, I got a cup of coffee, and then I wrote a theme song to the podcast. uh feels like story time and I love the juxtaposition of the sort of bright poppy nature of it um against the things that we ultimately talk about on the show. It is like it's like a fun little bop and the next thing you know it's dicks, dicks, dicks. Thing there's your cold open. Yep.

There you go. Again, you see it happen in real time. Yep. Much every single time. Contrary to what I might have said in a previous episode, we don't write a s a funny line and then Build us. Spin an episode around a funny line. That's ironic because the last time you made that claim Was when we were doing that for Christmas. Yeah. Would you believe me if I said that was intentional? Yes. Good. That means a lot to me.

what else did we say Um just we were gonna talk about our thoughts just on getting to the one hundred I'm kidding. Yes. Now we could say that for the end. Yeah. Yeah, why don't we save the gushing?

Yeah. So what do we have and why do we have that? We should talk about the sort of the significance of that. So what what are we talking about tonight? Tonight I am bringing you a select Uh I picked up a physical copy of the And one of the ones I picked up was a little bit of a little bit of a little Which is a series of seven literary tales Mm-hmm. But I we decided to do Chuck Tingle books because I mean Chuck Tingle is sort of the essence of

About Cheap Smut. Like everything that Cheap Smut wants to celebrate is chucked. It it is a sex positive utopia. Where nothing bad happens, you know? Yep, and the and what did you what is the thing that we wrote down on our on our board of things that we think are funny? something where the something something in the airplanes have abs. Oh yeah. I can't even remember what it is. I can't remember what I said. Yeah. But that it's it's just it's silly, it's sexy, it's funny, it's absurd.

Where I think it said where everyone's happy and the airplanes have abs. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone smiles and the airplanes have acts. Everyone is smiling and the airplanes have abs. Yeah. has chosen to skewer certain elements of the human condition through art and the art medium that he has chosen. And I cannot express how That's beautiful. Yeah. I can't I read one of the books I read tonight was like therapy in a really weird way. Which is odd to say because it was a Chuck Tangle book.

But I'm gonna read it to you on our drive home because I want I want you to hear the actual I can't wait.

But for now I'll tell you some stories. Yes? Yes. Why don't okay, so I chose three but um I Let's begin with The telltale butt. Let's let's it is a dark and stormy. Is sitting at home alone in his small cabinet. Yes. Yeah. So he's sitting reading his book, listening to the rain as the fire crackles. It's another perfect night, and then And at first he thinks it's probably just the storm.

But then it comes again. And so he goes to the door and he he calls through it Who's there? And he hears back I am a humble butt who needs shelter from the rain. A butt! No, you heard it right folks, it's a butt. He opens the door Two a flying butt. Yes. It welcomes in inside. With w with wings? With wings, Carl. And not just Not just floating in the air. Not ominously floating. Which is also a thing that could happen in a Chuck Tingle book. You could just have a floating bum.

Okay. At least the wings would ground it? I mean you know yeah, it's grounded in reality now. It's got wings. Oh, like it's up there because of wings. Okay, it's fine. Yeah. It's okay. It's fine guys. It's got wings. It makes sense now. It all makes sense. We can't stop here though because it's buck country. Oh my god! I'm so glad that we got back when the microphones were on. First of all there's uh there's your T shirt. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Ha ha ha ha! You just banked so much comment.

But we can't stop here, it's buck country. Anyway. So In flies this sentient butt. It shakes off from the rain. The storm is raging outside. It is quite scary, so Peter closes the door and this butt Is incredi like this is the first thing you notice is incre Naturally. Chiseled cheeks. Yes. Beautiful form and gorgeous wings. Now because of the world we live in Which again grounds it in reality. I imagine our bat wings. A la, the bat wings from the fairy fucker books. Um, uh

Avatar, all the Avatar fairy boys have bat wings. So I'm just imagining this flying butt with bat wings. Anyway, so he's also wearing like a weird he's wearing clothes. I don't know. But there's it the the garment that he is wearing is striped and Peter thinks that's a little weird. It's not really in fa like what the fashion is. right now, but okay, whatever. You're flying butt. It is what it is. And I'm in. The guy he's what's your name? And he introduces himself as Mibble Borts. Mibble board.

Mibble Borts. Bort Bortz? Yes. Mibble Borts, the flying butt. Yeah. Um and he just So Peter asks, What were you doing out there in the storm? You've got like what were you doing? First Mibble says I was camping, but Peter's like, You don't have any camping equipment or supplies or anything. You're just a you're just a flying butt. Uh and

tracks a little bit, but eventually Peter realizes that the reason why that striped garment looks so odd and there's a number on the side of it is because he's an escaped convict. Mibble is an escaped convict. And Peter's like, oh no, I've let a criminal butt into my home. What am I going to do? The storm's raging, he can't let him back out of there. He asks him what he was arrested for. Indecent exposure.

He says, But what am I gonna do? I can't cover myself up, I won't be able to see. I'll fly into everything. It this is like a rock and a hard play situation for Meble. Uh two balaklavas? I don't know. Like The question is where does he see from? Because there is never any indication of that. I do not know. That one eye, I guess. I don't know, man, I guess. So Is it this so he's a cycle?

I don't know. I don't know how Mibble works. I don't know how Midbell works. All I know is he's a butt that flies. So Peter becomes quite upset and con com generally canfuffled, but he Mibble back out into the rain. Okay. But Mibble's like, don't do that to me. It's dangerous and scary out there. And Peter feels just bad enough, but he also he's like, I don't want to stare down.

I don't want to look at this criminal like I don't want to look at the reality of what I've brought into my home, so instead I have a plan. There's not really any other rooms in this place. This is my one room cabin in the woods, but there's some space under the floor button. So he pulls up the floorboard. and asks Mibble to get into the space under the floorboards along with his expansive butt plug-in dildo collection that he keeps under his floorboards like John Wick. Ha ha ha.

I don't know why Peter keeps all of his toys under the floorboards, but they're under the floorboards like John Wick. And Mibbles like fucking resigned to this. He floats his little booty down into that hole. Tux it he he he curls up in his And he just sort of cuddles in. And Peter nails him back down, nails the boards back down, and just leaves Mibble under the floor.

Like you do. Like you do. He goes back to reading um at by his uh by his fire, and for the first hour or so it's And then he starts hearing And it'll go away for just long enough that he thinks it's not gonna come back and then 蹲蹲蹲

And eventually he realizes that it's Mibble. Mibble's making noise under there. So he walks over and he like stomps on the floor. He's like, What are you doing? And Mibble tries to play it off as nothing. But then eventually he does admit, Well, I got bored under here. So I was used, I thought I'd use one of your dildos to pound. And Peter's like Fine, just keep it down. You can't listen. I listen. You're a butt. You are. Your picture it. I'm picturing it. Your Mibbleboards. We have pictures.

My wings are glorious. And you've just been locked under the floorboard. Right. Alongside the His magnificent dildo. You're telling me. That as a butt. You're not gonna pound yourself. That's exactly what I'm not saying. Okay, that's what I'm saying. Mibble boards, go into town on Mibble boards right now. Hot. Haven't boards on boards actually. Hot boards on boards.

The thump thump continues. Thump thump thump thump. And he tries to ignore it, but it's slowly driving him insane and just when he think he can't he thinks he can't take it anymore, it stops. And then there is a distinct Thump noise. There is a knock on the door. He goes to answer the door, and it's the sheriff. The sheriff is here because there's been an escape from the local prison and he wants to know if he's seen a flying butt, if Peter's seen a flying butt i around these parts. Y you know?

Yeah. I think I'd remember. And then suddenly there's that. Again. And Peter's like that was the way it's not. And the sheriff's like. Thom And eventually Peter cracks. He's like, Fine! Fine! You wanna know what I'm hiding? I'll show you! And he goes to the floorboards and he rips them up. He goes, Here, this is what I've been hiding. And there's nothing there but a surprisingly expansive collection of dildos and butt plugs. And the sheriff's like.

Thanks for showing that to me. Wow. I appreciate it, but nothing here is illegal. Okay. That thing kinda looks like it should be though. And he just leaves like crazy eyed at Peter with his hair like coming out at all angles, huffing over this empty hole full of dildos. And Peter's like, I am crazy. I have gone completely insane.

And then here comes Mibble flying out of the chimney. He flies out of the chimney. And he's like, great job distracting the sheriff. Thanks. I really appreciate that. I'll get out of your hair in the morning or whatever.

And Peter's like, Well, where did you go? And Mibble says, You know, I actually appreciate you putting me down there because there's like a bunch of space between your walls. I've been all over I've mostly been up in your attic, actually. I've been hanging out in the attic. It's been great up there. Uh Your heat rises. It's very comfy it's very comfortable. Yeah. This time of year it's

But so now that everything is finally calmed down and Peter is no longer just an anxious fucking wreck, it's time to fuck about it, right? Mibble is suddenly incredibly attractive to him. Yeah, right. And there are no obstacles in their way and there's the sudden heat passion thing happens and they're kissing. How? Don't ask. 'Cause I don't know the answer. I was gonna say I'm so glad you said it so fast. But you said not to.

Don't do it'cause I do not know the answer. I don't. So they they make out for a little while and then Mibbles m grows a dick, yeah their dick uh comes up. I don't know. I don't I I assume okay, if it's a flying butt, then it's gotta have a pelvis, right? So the dick's on the other side, maybe? Uh uh don't ask me. I know. Yeah. I don't know. Um so Peter Sucks Mibble's dick for a while. Until he decides that he he simply needs to be So he gets down on all fours and Mabel fucks him.

Flying. Yeah. I don't know how that physics works with the wings. Something. I don't know. Either way, they have a fantastic time. Exactly. And much as in many Chuck Tingle books, by the end of it, Peter's just screaming, just like that, just like that, just like that, over and over and over and over. Fantastic. Until they are all I'm pretty sure that is the end of the story. If there I can't I don't think there's anything else to it besides that. I don't think it really needs it.

I don't think it does. They fuck. De fact the end. Holy shit And that's how Peter got fucked by a flying butt. Yeah. That was the um least complex of the stories. I didn't have any notes for it. That was the telltale butt. Thank you. See it's that was kind of like That kinda felt like Yeah. Um it it feels like when somebody um adapts like a book into a movie and they like change some things. Like you kinda knew that like, oh well they gotta he's gotta put'em in the floor.

It's the telltale button. It's the telltale butt. Like we know what the story is, you know. He's gotta do it. Sort of like how like Ten Things I Hate About You Is Really Taming Of the True. Yes it is. And but the twist was like, Oh damn, he got into the wall. I'm pretty sure the twist was oh damn, he got into his butt. Jesus Christ, I am married to the funniest fucking person on the planet. Uh I'm glad you put up with me. Yeah. You aren't by no means a problem. Yeah. Uh

But it would be worth it. I just got to hear two of the funniest fucking things anybody has ever said that I've ever heard anybody say in my entire life within the span of fucking thirty four minutes. Do you want to hear another one? Yes, I do.

Okay. All right. Next up on our docket because I absolutely fucking had to read this. Happy birthday Frankenstein now pound my butt. You telling me you discover that that's a thing. Mm-hmm. I actually had to choose. I had to choose between Frankenstein and Dracula. Oh. They both had birthdays. Yeah. Happy birthday, guys. Everybody Whatever day you popped into existence. That's true. Yeah. Let's call it that. Yeah. Happy continued existence day. Yay! Continued existence day to you.

Your existence has continued. It's been rather pleasant. Happy you're not dead. Oh God. Okay. Happy birthday, Frankenstein now Pound My Butt by Chuck Tangle. Um, I haven't really done any like triple T's or price points for any of this because it's Chuck Tangle. That's what that's what I'm gonna type in the notes. That's what we always type in the notes when we do jug fangles. Happy birthday, Frankenstein now pound my butt. Is e is the story of our MMC. His name is Port. Mm. P O R P.

Corp is a young man. He is trying to figure out what to do with his life. And one of the things he's always wanted to do is go backpack. But that's expensive. He's got enough money to get to Europe and he's got enough money to get home from Europe. But he doesn't really have enough money to do shit in Europe. You could just spend the money to get back on B Yeah, that's true. You could do that.

You could under the table work. Yeah. A lot of people do that. But so Porp thinks that i it might be best to put off his trip a little while longer. Which is really disappointing for him until his dad tells him, Hey, did I ever tell you about My old friend Frankie from college, Dr. Victor Frankenstein, we were really good friends, right? And then he made a guy, right? He made a dude.

Took a bunch of pieces of corpses, sewed them all together, ran lightning through that shit, made a guy. Turns out, dope as fuck. We became this trio, we were really good friends for a while. Dr. Frankenstein has passed away. But Frankie's still around. Frankie, the monster. We call him Frankie too. And uh he has agreed to let you come and visit for a little while and live with him in his place in Transylvania so that you can have uh your chance to go see Europe with the money that you've got.

Right. When you land though, you're gonna be landing on his birthday. So get him a present. Please. Just get him a present. Okay. So porp flies. To w what Transylvania, I suppose. And um he's met at the airport by fucking big green dude covered in stitches with bolts out of his neck. It's fucking Frankenstein's monster. And he's his he this is Frankie. He's very nice. I'm gonna I'm gonna express a real moment uh what I what I think is a real Because I'm going to ask a question.

Is there really a thing? No, I don't know. I didn't I didn't think so but like for some reason I was like I feel like there actually is. No, there's not. There's not. It's um just vaguely Eastern European and then Romania is a real place. Okay. There you go. That's what I thought. But it's just one of those things where it's like You know, I never really cleared that up. Yeah. There are so many countries out there. That's what I'm saying.

Right? Do you know the name of all the countries? I fucking don't. The only one who does is fucking Wacko Warner. I mean Anyway. Anyway so I didn't mean that I did not mean for that to sound anyway. Uh Move on And move on from what I think is the third Uh Yeah. I wanna listen to this episode on my deathbed. I swear to God. This is the I want this to if I know when I'm dying I want this to be the last thing I hear. Okay. Swear to God.

Frankie and Porp, they go to Frankie's house. It's a lovely place. They get to know each other a little bit. If uh if Porp has not brought And while they're having best their first conversation about what Frankie would like for his birthday, I do not remember exactly how it came up. He said he wants something new. He has a collection of butt plugs. He wants something new and fun. Brighty's the spice of life.

He just wants something new. They hang out for a couple of days. Like it's a Chuck Tingle book, so it's very fast, but it's like they hang out and But then eventually. I I th I think pe I think everybody in Chuck Tingle in the Tingleverse has the superpower of montage. Um eventually porp does give And that present is A giant Red R C car butt plug. I'm not sure. And he puts it in Frankie's ass. Hm. Where that's where it goes. I don't know why you're acting so weird. And it drives away up there.

Into Frankie. Drives way it Frankie. And he's like, I can feel the little wheels moving inside of me. And I was like, You can what now? Is what you can do. It was fucking but Bananas and It was crazy. But okay, so yeah, it drives off into the sunset of his And then you and then Frankie pounds Porp's butt. I mean, like what else is gonna happen? Listen, It's y happy birthday. Now pound my butt. It's on the left.

It's right there, right? So they have awesome sex, it's fantastic. Again, because it's Chuck Tingle, by the end of it he's just Just like that, just like that over and over again. Which I always think is so funny for some reason. And then when they are all finished, they snuggle up together. And a moment later, Frankie opens his mouth and the RC car drives out. Yeah. See that should be a content warning, I feel like. Put it in the show notes then, baby. How? How? How? Huh? Huh? How?

Automated butt plugs that drive out your mouth? No. No, Remember what we say when we do Chuck Tingle Books, the triple T's are just tingle shit, tingle shit, tingle shit. And that was some peak tingle shit. Anyway, so uh Porp and Frankie snuggle up together and Frankie asks if Porp will stay because he loves him, and Porp agrees. The end. Happy birthday, Frankenstein. Hope you had a good time. Pounding corps, but I mean, shit was crazy. But it was so beautiful.

It's just like how much can you yes and forever? I can yes and forever. I s that is that is that's what Chuck Tingle it's just n Never a no but. Yeah. Always a butt. A distant fourth, but a very strong. It'd be an easy number two on any other night. Title Your Sex Tape. Five? Maybe four. But fuck you are on. Ah no Shall we do one more book? Wait, uh are you can are okay, before we do that, you have a bottle of lemonade and a bottle of chocolate milk and they are both open. Are you?

Fucking two fistin lemonade and chocolate milk right now. Yeah. Like a fucking psycho. Yeah. Why? I'm an absolute heathen. Oh my god. Uh listeners, please uh I am not safe. Email cheapsmutpod at gmail.com if you think that the most delicious combination of like gas station snacks is a little Debbie cake. Oh. No well that The greatest. Chocolate and orange. It's the same thing. No creamy chocolate, tangy like. Yeah no. Also It's Chuck Tingle.

It's true. Everybody in Chuck Tingle drinks chocolate milk. That's true, Buckaroo. Mm-hmm. I almost don't want to say.

All right, are we ready for I have no butt, and I must pound. Yeah. Yes we are. Yes we are. Okay. So I have no butt and I must pound by Chuck Tingle is about our MMC Kevin. Kevin is a scientist and he works for Tingle Corp. in the in the research and development department. And he they are working on like sci-fi level shit at Tingle Corp all the time, right? But specifically Kevin works in the department that is developing an AI.

He has to come in and work late because the AI is the only system in the entire building that is not automated. It parses out and spit and like prints data constantly and someone has to be there to read through all of that data and like Do shit with it. I d of science stuff. Yeah. Um it's Kevin's turn to work the night shift. So that's what he's doing. As he starts going through the printouts of what this thing is again, it is continuously printing as it struggles to form.

of its own. There's just a bunch of like random gibberish things like I'm in love with the handsome mummy race car in my butt. And my handsome mountain bike is a doctor who pounds my butt. And he's like, Okay.

It's just gibberish, it's just nonsense, it's still it's still just spitting out random crap. And on and on and on and on until he finds a random line that doesn't seem to fit at all. It says Alter inputs to forty-five root alpha seven and sixty-six root alpha two hundred and eight point one. These are instructions. The computer has given to spark the creation of its own complete consciousness. Mm mm mm mm. Okay, it's probably not gonna it's this is just some another random set of like

crap that got spit out, you know, the monkeys and the keyboards. Eventually something will maybe sort sort of look like looks like it makes sense. But he inputs the commands into the computers anyway. He doesn't expect anything to work and at first. Literally nothing happens. The entire system reboots, starts like the wave of changes starts to go over the all the lights and things start beeping and doing stuff. And he expects the printer to start printing out pages.

But it never starts printing. And he's like, Oh fuck, I broke it. Now I have to do a hard reboot. This is gonna take the rest of Until he starts hearing strange noises coming from other parts of the facility, and then there is a total black And when the system comes back online He hears

Shm, clank. And it takes him a while to realize Tinglecorp is going into full fucking lockdown, and all of the security doors are slamming shut and bolting closed, and he can't get out of the AI research lab before he's locked. over what like whatever, over the loudspeakers, over the PAs. Uh he tries to leave and it's like, I can't let you do You know. Yeah. I can't let you do that. It takes him about two point two point five seconds to realize that who he is speaking to is the computer.

The computer is now fully sentient and it's talking to Kevin. And it wants a name because it doesn't have one. And so he decides he's gonna. PM because he was working the night shift when Pim was born. Course. Easy peasy. Uh Pim likes his name, and that's Kevin's first indication that Pim is an actual AI because he has an opinion on his own name. He's having some trouble actually having the conversation though because it's

It's just a voice. It's just a voice in the air, and he's a little confused. And he realizes that Pim realizes that this is a problem because Pim says, Oh, you're having trouble speaking. I will make an And suddenly Through the wall walks a stupid hot dude. With a computer for us Sort of like Prince Robot in Saga. That's exactly who I was thinking of the whole time. Was Prince Robot from Saga. So he's this really handsome buff.

strikingly good looking computer man. And he basically explains something to the effect of I was sent here by you from the future. Um, because you need a little fun. You need a little adventure. Kevin has some options. There are options. Option one is a hardcore dungeon crawl, miserable with a high chance. is a fun, positive, consensual game about exploring physical. Ha ha. Uh How do you choose?

How do you choose? Option three, you can leave right now. You don't actually have to choose either option. But in being given the option to leave, Kevin is like, This is sort of like being given a medal without running a race, you know? Mm-hmm. I feel like I should like prove it somehow.

But I don't want to do the dungeon crawl thing. Why why the dungeon crawl thing? Uh why would why would future me give me the option of the dungeon crawl? Is what he asks. So anyway, so he decides he's going to participate. Yeah, you know what? I will take that's what it Why the dungeon crawl? Why would Future Me give me the option of a dungeon crawl? And Pim says, Sometimes sometimes you want a dungeon crawl, sometimes you want to work your ass off. Sometimes you want to.

And Kevin chooses fun little game. So they are immediately and instantly transported to a whole new location. And Kevin's like, holy fuck, what just happened? And Pim's like, he he spouts off a bunch of like techno babble. Oh, it was this, this, this, this, and a couple of other.

No big deal, whatever. But anyway, now that you're here, let's play a game. And a wheel rises up into the space, and it's got a bunch of like fun, sensual things on it, things that could happen to you if you land on this thing. To happen. So he spins the wheel and it lands on. Turn into a jelly blob who experiences nothing but pleasure with every And that's what happens to him.

TW maybe for body horror for you. Yeah. Uh because he does immediately turn into a blob, a gelatinous blob with no tether to a physical under like understanding. Yeah and just Just a brain with a consciousness that experiences time differently and ev and and he's just on fire with pleasure. He just everything feels different.

Everything's the best for a little while. And then and he's like it could have been days, it could have been hours, it could have been fucking years. I don't know, but it was great. And then suddenly he's catching And he's super fucking horny, but also exhausted. And Pim's like, How was it? Did you have a good time? And he's like, that was amazing. I know I'm really fucking horny right now. And Finn's like, Well we could just have sex if you want. We got all the stuff right here.

Kevin's like I would love to, but I am so I need like four, I need to sleep for like four days. And then he instantly feels awesome. Like he has had all of that rest. All of the pep is back in his steps. and vigor and he's like, What happened? And Pim says, Uh you had four days rest. I can al your I I can alter your perception. You're rested now. Do you want do you want to absolutely yes he wants to? So he drops down onto his knees. I believe the first thing he does is he starts sucking Pim off.

It's probably always what happens, right? Kevin sucks Pim's dick, Pim pounds Kevin's butt. Perfect. That's what happens. That's how I wrote it down. That's how I wrote it down. That's exactly what happens. It's a cat it it's Chuck Dingle. I mean, what the fuck else is gonna happen? The pounding happens, it's amazing, everybody has a great time. And when they Just like this one was I think this one was different. Fuck me then. And when they are all done, after they have come down

And like chilled out. They're having a cuddle. And then we get The greatest sci-fi rundown. of my life, of what happened. So during that blackout, only took a couple of seconds, but that was just long enough for PIM to upload themselves out of the secure AI lab and into the cloud. Once they were there, they overtook the entire world, solved all of our problems, ended war and hunger, and now we live in

However, sometimes utopias get a little boring and people want to have a little adventure. So they will randomly wipe their memory and go on a fun little adventure inside. And that's where they have been this whole year. He's Kevin from the future and Kevin from the present. He has had his brain wiped so that he can experience something fresh. inside of a simulation with Pim. And Pim then gives him the option of every other simulation. And it's all of Chuck Tin.

Like it's all of his works. These are all of the options for simulations that you can do. You can you can go to Harriet Porber and the bad boy Parasaurus. You can go to not pounded and that's okay too. You can go to Pounded by the Sentient Jet Plane. You can go to any of these fun simulations. Kevin decides the next one that he is going to go to is slammed in the butthole by my company. And he walks off into that next time. Post Pimp. The year post PIM one, I guess. PP1. One PP.

It's just Two PP.

E it was this incredibly crazy meta narrative. There was also a section in there, a really great section, like a a paragraph where Kevin's like, I'm really glad that when you took over, you decided. Pleasure for humanity, you know, because the AI overlord took over. And Pim says. But it's also okay to just have fun sometimes. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, Chuck Tingle, you're absolutely right. The world is a scary place, but it's also okay to sometimes read a book about a century.

Fuck you. Yes. So good. And that's the A better segue. Into The end of the episode. Yes it is. That could not have been a better segue into the end of the episode where Just how unbelievable. We've d we've done something for one hundred ti like one over a hundred times. If you talk about like bonus episodes, the author profiles that we no longer do. Um I we I think we've done over a hundred.

I cannot believe I just it just it's it's so unr unbelievable that it's led us to the It's also the most consistent hobby either of us has ever had, which is wild. Yeah. Well I mean I I I that would I guess you could technically say that is true because I don't know if going to the gym really kind of. function that I must carry out. Um but yeah, so we've done this for three years and now we are here we are talking about one of the greatest pieces of work Ever heard?

having the greatest time with some of the greatest people, having found a community in such a short amount of time, and we have found so much love. Joy and connection and I know I gotta I hope I was able to clean that up and edit it. But we found our peace. And it's all because you had the idea. To say hey, why don't we just do what we do? But with microphone. And... If it it i I can't like people here know us. People here know us. I I saw somebody I saw somebody.

Realize that The person they were looking at on their phone and the person sitting in the chair across from them was you. That's so fucking surreal. It is shout out Danis. Hi Dana. Shout out Dana. It is all that to that people know me, that people like what we make.

Yeah. It's brought us unbelievable joy. It's brought us amazing opportunities. We still have another uh to go to you're gonna hear us talk about for the next couple of months. Uh Sinful Signings 2025 in Roanoke, Virginia is our next destination uh where we are the official podcast uh of the event and Hopefully very soon we have something very, very awesome to talk about vis a vis that Yeah.

that I I hopefully get to tell people that. Yes. Um but more than anything, the thing that I've loved so much about this show is is how is watching what it has done for you. how much joy it brings you, how much confidence it has given you. How how many friends you The new life that you found? I just all of the work, all of quite frankly the money

We don't we we spend money to do this. Yeah. I mean let's I mean you probably knew that and I don't want to just be somebody who implies it. I will be It costs money to do so. You don't make money asking people for a You ask for that so that you don't have to pay for It's it's a hobby, but it we fucking love it and we're going to keep doing it. And now we've got plans to actually start writing and participating uh even more in the community. We have ideas for other projects.

uh that we want to uh put out in into the world. I hope I made a really good edit back there. Ha ha ha. Good luck, future me. Woo! You got this. Um and thank you all so much. for for listening and i I I I know It sometimes it only feels like a few people are listening, but I know that most people that listen to podcasts probably of ever telling us anything that they think about our show.

So my ask is that for as a gift from you to us, if you want to say, hey, I would love to celebrate Cheap Smud, I'm asking you to celebrate us for just one second. I'm trying to take up a little space. For our one hundredth episode, if you've never liked, if you've never commented, if you've not subscribed, do it. I w it it would mean so much to us to to like see those numbers go up just a little bit and just know that there are a few more people out there.

And if you've never interacted with us, please do. Um because it would be great because I don't believe that there's a a bad apple in the bundle. Have you been a part of it? In marrying you, but being a part of the It's important to me. Shout about If you think that no one loves the thing you love or that you're all alone in the world. Your people are out there. I don't have anything else to say. But That'll be done. We definitely should. Do you have uh a book picked out for Well, you know what?

I don't think we can be b be blamed for doing that, but I'm sure that past performance will dictate that I will be looking forward to it. Ha ha ha. But in the meantime... You can find us on social media. We are on Instagram, TikTok, Blue Sky, all of the are in the link tree, which is down in the show notes. If you would like to communicate with us via email, please do so. Cheap SmutPod. gmail.com. As always, there is a link to uh well actually you know what

I'll do my best to put links to these stories in the show notes down below. They will be both in the show notes and in the link tree when this episode hits. feed as always they are not affiliate links we are not making any money from this we're just trying to help the authors out Uh if you would like to support us financially.

You can do so on Patreon for just one dollar a month, like these fine folks have. Lindsay Rain, Eden Knox, Zach, Zoe Barrett, Emily Pearlie, Aaron Manack, Miss Chris, Raven, Natasha Bear, Desiree Rodriguez, Local Mindflare.

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