Welcome. This is chayo with you. It is very common that when a couple argue I ended up talking about divorce, no matter why it is the argument, no matter why it was the conflict. But end up saying. And if not, then, we leave it here. And if not, then this is where we come from. And if not, then that' s it, and normally it' s not that the relationship doesn' t
go any further. The problem. The vast majority of times is that when they reach that point, it is because what they have is a great difficulty
to face disagreements and an important communication problem as well. They do not know how to list arguments in their disagreements that allow them to then find a way to establish points of rapprochement to know how and in what way to find common points in the face of differences and more than to have to go and see how each one, on his side, would have to find out how.
Learn to communicate better. Thinking differently is not a reason for divorce. Whenever we express ourselves with emotions involved, we have to learn to do so with respect. It' s one thing to be angry and it' s another thing to disrespect the expression of our many emotions and that' s been raised since we' re little and here I' d ask you a question.
Who you talk about the conflicts you have with your partner one of the important situations beyond who you talk to, because, without a doubt, the essential condition whenever we talk about conflicts with our partner has to be to a person of trust. That trusted person, sometimes he' s a relative, sometimes
he' s a friend. The truth is that whenever we are going to talk about something that we consider personal, the characteristics that that person has to have, is that he must have maturity and maturity we will understand that he will have the ability to be discreet that person and that he will have the ability to distinguish that the conflict that we are talking to him is a conflict with the person and not a conflict that that that person will appropriate, because
sometimes solidarity with him is confused. We' re getting closer and then it turns out that I' m talking to you about a conflict with my partner and you' re also stopping talking to my partner and that' s not
being supportive. The person I tell about my conflict is someone who has to have the possibility to know how to differentiate what produces what I' m talking about with the fact that the problem with my partner is mine and has to be able to keep a certain distance from what I' m telling him in order to help me vent, see things clearly and even suddenly until I can question myself as I' m seeing things. It is the only way to see them and help me gain clarity and not feed my emotions, so that
even that person will benefit from what is happening in the conflict. So always
watch where you deposit what you count. It is common that when one of our children is crying or sad because some friend has done something to him, our immediate reaction, is to tell him and no longer take him, no longer join him or her, or it is not the first time he does the same to you, no longer listen to him and imagine where we would end our life or with how many friends we would end our life if all the time we were breaking relationships every time some friend or friend did something that
we don' t like. The reality is that we would have to teach our children that there are things that sometimes our friends do that we don' t like, or that there are defects that our friends have, that are part of their character, but that they have good things, and that we would have to learn, namely that there are parts or things that we shouldn ' t do with a certain friend, but that that friend is good for some situations, but it' s not good for others that suddenly slips with
certain conditions in life and that, therefore, we should tell him that look at this you don' t use me or when you do this, because
I can fall half wrong. But we don' t have to break relationships all the time and that we would have to be learning from that, namely from what characteristics, from which friends we would have to be closer and from what characteristics of which friends we would have to be further away from, so that in reality we would fight or distance ourselves completely from some friends it wouldn ' t have to be what most often. It would have to be the
exit door. So notice that you advise so long as you have not suffered your children, because at the end of the way they can be much more alone than my wife would actually touch. And we split up thinking that I was unfaithful. And the truth was never like that. Doctor more, without however, about three four months ago, I don' t know how six months we had had an argument at his mom' s house and we lived there, but it was so much the argument that I got to the point
of running. It wasn' t the first time. It had already been several times that I had been run. In fact, her mother and she had run me thinking that, because I was the unfaithful one. I was the infidel. We had a food business in a college, but this one like me left the house on that occasion, because I already went to our real house that my wife and I had bought. Then my idea was to support her to follow the good news, because I was always a lady doctor
and once she went to supply. He told me I' m going to fill up and say yes and I stayed in the car. Then it occurred to me to check a notebook and it was and I was writing a letter to a person who thanks for his kisses, hugs, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And it turns out that this person, if he walks or walks with her, is the person who had water of flavor to her or good to us. And when I was there,
then the truth. I don' t know what to do, ma' am, I don' t know sorry, but I don' t know what to be? I don' t know what to be? I don ' t know forgiveness. I really want to be with her and start from scratch, but I don' t know what she thinks to see I'
m drawn to several things here. First you tell me you' re not with her, because you' re accused of infidelity, and then you tell me that it' s been a while, in this situation where you stay in the car, you find yourself a letter where she' s writing that letter. In the car you find the letter and there you discover that infidelity that I imagine is son- in- law all this from his posts.
No, and this is what always leads me to tell them that the problem of infidelity on many occasions is not the infidelity itself, but that of mistrust generated by relationships, because it begins to see how well it said something that I found the other day, after a lie. All the other truths are questioned, and it is that mistrust breaks down interpersonal relations in a very important way. And I think there' s a lot of questions to ask here.
The first thing I do and you' re going to tell me well, I' m what it has to do is why, having a house of your own, you and your wife live in your in- laws' house and how that gives rise to then when there' s a discussion between you and your wife, then there' s third parties involved in it.
And it seems like this is already becoming a team theme. You end up going as a result of something your wife asks of you, but today, you' re the one who' s questioning yourself whether or not you should give her a chance when in theory they' re separated, because she' s the one who thinks you' ve missed the relationship. So it' s not clear to me whether the bases they are or were together are sure they' re the same, when the bases they' re separated by today
don' t even seem to be the same. And a couple relationship must be made clear to both sides that the reasons for both the Union and the meaning would have to be the same and if the reasons for the separation were not the same, they would both have to know the reasons for the separation
of the two members of the relationship. So I think you have to sit down with her and make a clear statement of under what approach she and you would return and if those approaches match and what do they both want for their future? It is very common that when it comes to setting rules, but above all, to apply the rules, the time of application, when it comes And especially, if we are talking about little children, he, please,
five minutes more wait for me soon. No, and with that tender little children' s face, because suddenly let' s say what' s wrong with it, you didn' t see how much it' s so small, they' d say out there and suddenly it feels even ugly to establish it. No, because no longer a no is no, and it must be understood that every rule has variations and that we are not so evil
when we establish a rule. What are the variations of the rule. For example, if you tell a child that his time to go to sleep is eight o' clock at night, it' s not true that he' s going to sleep at eight o' clock on Monday through Sunday. You actually have to go to sleep at eight o' clock from Sunday night to Thursday night, because Friday night and Saturday night you won' t go to sleep at eight o' clock because the next day there are no classes.
Then every rule will contain several that if seven days out of week five he ' ll go to sleep at eight o' clock at night. He' s really being so strict and so evil by asking him to stick to the rule for five days and two can have a variant where you can go to sleep a little later. If you think about it calmly and coldly. The reality is that the rules are your collaborators in education. Think about it quietly and you' ll see that you' re not committing any crime against childhood.
Notice that whenever a teenager starts at this stage, something that will inevitably start sooner rather than later they will do the permits and they will want to go to many parts. So mom and dad are going to have to start learning a magic word, because the key is going to be to docify, nothing more, docifying frequency of permissions to which, if any, but how often to the same type of permission, how many times, how much time,
how much. Because if from the beginning you start saying a yes to everything you want and the way you want it, well, your son will practically use your house as a hotel. And the point is not that the permits are going to have anything wrong, it' s that what you' re actually going to have to be dosing is the amount of adrenaline that the different permissions are generating in your brain. How much constant excitement is your Brain going to be exposed? So there' s a concept I call a foundation
that' s going to be essential in your teen' s life. So when you' re going to give your teenager permission to go out and it turns out that the same day he has another permit that he wants to go, if not, he has four or five permits from the same day and turns out he' s going to end up making an extraordinary plan. Eh, because they manage to divinely arm one after another, after another after another and find who and then there, like and so on and good. He
' s going to introduce you splendidly. The point is, like what we want is that, and not because I insist, there' s nothing wrong with the plans. What we want is that you don' t stay in a state of absolute adrenaline all the time, because that' s what often
gets you into trouble. We' re going to want you to touch on what we call base to get you back home and lower your adrenaline state, the state of excitement enters into a period of boredom, be for a while, an hour, an hour and a half, two hours at home and return from scratch to the next plan. That touch base is going to allow you to observe that it calms down, that it enters restlessness, in peace and that it restarts, restarts, again heats engines, because otherwise. He
started drinking and started drinking alcohol and started trying drugs. In one place he ' s going to run and he' s not going to stop, and that can take him from one madness and one frolic to another and in the way millions of things can happen between them until accidental, not even provoked. So it' s customary for your child to come home from a plan,
calmly and calmly, and go back to the next plan. You see him in preference, you even carry him, you pick him up when this is possible, but if not, at least you saw him leave again in complete peace. Maybe. He even ate something, took a bath, lowered his emotions and repositioned himself in a flat place. There are really different things going on. That, if you run from one place to another in a clumsy hurried manner and in the midst of the emotions snatched from the kids, you
won' t regret it. I' m chayo busquets until tomorrow. Audio Centre