Well, I' ve already passed him, and I' m ready to start the show. With you we mention the word validate, validate emotions, validate what your children feel. And one of the questions that they ask me a lot is but what it is to validate good validity is to recognize the other that what he feels is just worth it because the person feels it. That' s neither to agree nor to tell him that then things are done
only because the person wants it to. Don' t disqualify that the consequence you put in it or established it, then we' re going to withdraw it. Simple and simple. It is recognized that what the other feels is worth that. It' s just that if your son got angry about something you set up, it' s recognizing him that it' s okay to
feel it. That doesn' t mean that then you take the consequence and give them their cell phone back, or they' ll be able to go to the party you said no to, or they can stay an hour longer, even though you told them no longer. Not simply and simply your feeling is correct, but you will still have to return or you will have to wait. It has passed tomorrow to recover your cell phone, but the emotion is valid, simple and simply because you feel it and that recognition is the
one that matters. So don' t disqualify pale. They have ever felt that little mistake that occurs when suddenly your partner is past the time when he or she would have to arrive and doesn' t come and he or she doesn' t talk to you or that nervousness that you notice in your children when it got a little late and to get to school for them. And when you arrive you find them crying and at the explanation of my love. But you' re in a safe place, you' re with the teacher.
There was just a little traffic. What' s wrong with you and he' s out of his mind crying and so on, well that' s called separation anxiety, that nerve that normally feels in your stomach and that suddenly, even though you' re saying a lot of things, sure, there' s traffic, sure, it' s out of cell phone battery, but it shouldn' t be okay, and yet you don' t take that feeling away. Well, that' s called separation anxiety. What
is separation anxiety? It' s that fear of the possible loss of someone you love and who starts unleashing on you a lot of fantasies that something bad could have happened to the person and that he may have abandoned you. Well, that separation anxiety doesn' t take away in life. We learn to drive it, but it doesn' t go away and it appears whenever there ' s one, there' s no explanation, and that possible sense of abandonment is revived in us. We all have it and we have to teach
it to handle our children, whenever it' s a child. It' s very important that if there' s going to be a delay, if there' s going to be a situation you know you can predict, notify your son, my love. If I' m late, your grandma' s gonna be, she' s gonna be, Dad You' re in a safe place. I' ll get there. It' s important that you know that I' m not going to let you sign it because while they' re little, it' s very important that that anxiety appears and
the less times they suffer. It' s better for them to grow up safe. One of the most misleading myths that has the idea of self- esteem is to think that self- esteem. We have a single idea of who I am and how I value myself and see that we actually have a lot of self- esteem. It depends on what area, life or life you have your self- esteem. Why, for example, how your self - esteem is as a woman or as a man, not in personal terms,
as a couple, whether you are a mother or a father. How do you have it in your paternity, in your motherhood, How do you have it as a professional, as a worker, as a worker, How is your self- esteem as a co- worker, How is your self - esteem? As a friend, how' s your self- esteem? As a son, how' s your self- esteem? As brothers, if you have brothers, how' s your self- esteem? As a
couple, how' s your self- esteem? How does someone who cooks, for example, know how to cook how you have your self- esteem? In that context, the reality is that our self- esteem is a whole cake that you can split into slices and depending on the different roles you have in life, your self- esteem may or may not have a different place, depending on how you are working right now in your life in different
areas. So forget about that big umbrella that covers you and you better check your life in areas and you' re gonna see how the evaluation of the blissful self- esteem is going to be different and now that we get back, let' s see how to have straw self- esteem. It gives
you information to know what you have to be different. Notice that, speaking of self- esteem, I think I would ask you what it tells you to have low self- esteem, because sometimes we just keep this idea that I have very low self- esteem and we just stay at the level of suffering. That' s why it feels ugly to have low self- esteem.
I feel bad about having low self- esteem and not taking the next step and having low self- esteem or feeling low self- esteem feeling less, feeling that we serve ourselves, feeling little, feeling that we are not worth the phrase that everyone wants to say when they have the self- esteem thermometer down. Actually, what you' re telling us is that in that area of our life, because I insist it' s not a thermometer that
spans our whole life. It' s by areas. What you' re telling us is that in that specific area of our life I' m needing to make changes, I' m needing to modify things. I need to make variations so that I can take control of what I want to change, because self- esteem will improve to the extent that I am able to solve my needs and desires in what in that, in that specific area of my existence. So, how can I have or others take control over that where
I feel I' m not being enough. So, that' s a warning, is it a little earring that' s giving me life to tell me here I need to make changes? What are those changes you' re going to make? So, as you will see, low self- esteem plays in my favor as long as I appropriate my existence and my agency of my life. What are you going to do, you hello Doctor, I ' m twelve years old and my dad' s already turned one year old who can' t find a job. Right now they are motivated, what
they can do to help them motivate and find a good job. First of all, it gives me great emotion and tenderness to worry about your daddy very much, because that speaks very well of what your dad has done for you at home. And yes, certainly, there are times in family lives where we have to be that motivation back for what dads have done for us.
However, I think what you play when you' re twelve is that you ' re a lot to your dad and be a great source of positive thinking and tell him that you believe in him, that you love him a lot, that you know that things are going to work out and that you trust
a lot of the ability that he has to get ahead. Because if something usually brings parents forward, it is the children that are the great motivation that the children are and already at your age that you can comfort him with words and being there with patience, without a doubt, is something that will help
him. And the other thing, being as old as you are, is being aware that when a dad is looking for a job, and that also implies for a dad to be aware to the family that you can' t have the same levels of expenses that you have to tighten the belt, as it is said colloquially, because, well, you can' t spend the same. Expenditure must be limited to what is necessary and basic. One, as a son, is going to take it well and trust that parents know
how, when and to where. So do it with good pleasure and trusting them with good will. That' s the other thing that' s probably gonna make things easy for your dad to do. I congratulate you on that willingness. Whenever it comes to education, one must think and be clear that
children cannot be controlled. And for that, the example I' m setting, because it' s super obvious, is to try to beat a seven - eight- month- old baby that he doesn' t want, they can try to abuse his strength, turn him upside down, shove his spoon in, and, if he doesn' t want to, swallow, he makes a trumpet and spits at them all. So controlling a child is not
possible. What we can control are the consequences of your actions so that your child may want to change his or her behavior, but by his or her own decision, so keep in mind. We always control the consequences of their actions. That' s all we do and they, by their own decision, are going to modify their behaviors and in that way let' s educate
them that sometimes they do. In fact, sometimes the consequence you put on your child doesn' t seem to serve, that is, you set something as a consequence and don' t change your child' s behavior again. He keeps doing things inappropriately and you have to be careful before deciding that the consequence did not work. First it takes a little time to establish the same
consequence. Why. Because there are temperaments, there are types of characters in children, in teenagers, where not always at first they will learn, they will understand and sometimes repeat inappropriate behavior. Then don' t change so fast. Sometimes the consequence has to be repeated so that your son or your daughter understands that it really didn' t go that way, is that you don ' t respond impulsively by saying chin didn' t work, so she didn ' t learn. I' m going to change it, and I'
m going to give it another consequence. Don' t react so quickly, wait a minute. Sometimes it is a style of temperament and personality and what you need is to wait for other tips in case you really don' t go there, but don' t respond by changing the consequence so soon. I' m divorcing my wife, but it turns out that my wife is texting the groom in the messages she sent to the above- mentioned one,
tells him that I' m going with my ex- girlfriend. The thing is, my wife, who, by the way, is getting divorced, is very jealous when I have nothing to do with it. And now it turns out he' s texting my ex- girlfriend' s boyfriend. And now I don' t know. If I was looking for my ex- girlfriend to tell her that she' s her boyfriend, she' d text my wife. Tell me what I do, please advise me what you want to complicate our existence. The point for me is that sometimes I get more
tangled. It' s something else we have to do. And you start by telling me I' m getting a divorce from my wife. If you ' re already getting a divorce from your wife, don' t do anything and let this mess get you nuts on your own. You' re already in a break- up process. So, what you need to want to do clarifications when in reality, what' s important is that you' re already ending the relationship with the person who' s in the middle of all
this fuss. I don' t think this thing you' d want to clear up today is what matters, when what' s out there is pure
gossip, it just closes your relationship. And rather, ask yourself why something as basic and as silly as this is wanting to take away the dream that will not be forgotten that whenever we are talking about education, your home has to be, in addition to a safe place for your children, it has to be a little reproduction of how you want your child to learn, which are the circumstances in the world, that is, that it is learned by
consequences, that you have to act on the basis of responsibility, the ability to adapt, to be self- sufficient and that that process a little more controlled, it is the one we do at home, but that when you go out there, what you practiced at home is what you will carry out then abused always with how we are handling it in ok and well with this we arrive at the end of today' s program. We meet here tomorrow in more chayo with you, I' m chayo busquets until tomorrow. Audio Centre