My Son's Near Death Experience

year that changed us forever. So I asked you with a sweet, open heart that you can listen and learn something because I sure did. Here you go. So I'm so glad that you want to come in here and do this. Why would you want to do something like this? Oh, no, I feel like people's thoughts need to be projected, especially if they've been through events in their life. Well, I asked Sofia, this. And I'm gonna ask you this is about social media, just because everybody talks about it.

Everybody knows about it. Everybody seems to have a phone and be on it. Give me one good thing and give me one bad thing, in your opinion? Well, I think my generation was raised on it. So everyone has in that's our everyone communicates somewhat that I feel like it's an alter ego almost. I feel like if you don't have the alter ego, then you're kind of out of the loop. So one benefit of having a would be is you're kind of in communication with everybody.

Yeah, keep in touch with everything's going on. But I deleted Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. And I've never felt so much better without it. Really, like not having it. Wow, I didn't know that. So you're just on SNAP? Yes, Snapchat, which is sometimes gets annoying, honestly, too, because it has some of the same effects that Instagram does. And all that stuff people get so tied into it. People need immediate instant

emulation. And if you're not on it as much as people say normal, but normal in my generation is like all the time all day. If you're not alone all the time responding to him, then they'll have an attitude or they'll get kind of put off by you not being on and responding. Because it's like a form of them communicating to you. And you're not communicating back. So they see it as like, Oh, you don't like them? Or bla bla bla. I know, right?

Like they have such a different personality when they're not on social media. And when you're in person. Isn't that something? So you're trying to keep up with who you really are? And then you're trying to keep up with your persona? In a way right? Yeah. Do you think that's part of the problem? Of what people are getting tied up in? And yeah, I think some people can handle it better than others. I just know that when I'm on it,

I'm on it. Like all the time, so I might as well just remove that from that's plate amazing. That you would know that or even be aware to that is I think it's a real addiction for some people. Yeah, it's like I feel like it comes in hand with like nicotine. It's almost like you people need it to even function like without it. They don't know

what they do with themselves. I feel like if people just remove themselves from social media for a certain amount of time, then they could find a lot of emotion that they've been missing. Yeah. Because what they're seeking is the feeling. It's instant. Yeah. And they need it like and as soon as you find in the moment throughout the day, that you're not doing some you're on it. Like you get

on it. Like if you're bored in a conversation, social media, if you're sitting in the subway or sitting on a train social media, if you're sitting on the car ride social media, or how about someone wants to have a conversation, but I can pretend like I'm busy. Yeah, social media is to get way out. Right? And so with that, it inhibits real human interaction. And if you're using it for that circumstance, I think if you're using it for a business perspective, then it's golden.

It's the best thing that's ever been invented. Oh, yeah. Yeah. As you can push whatever product you want to sell. If you want to sell your startup company if you want to sell product. Oh, yeah. Especially to the age group that you're in, in 20. To growing up with social media. What kind of struggles did you have? Like that had a part in your struggles in growing up being a teenager? Thank you. He puts a spotlight

on you. And with social media, you post everything that's going on in your life and you make your life ends up being not private, whatsoever. So everyone knows everything that's going on with you. Well, we've had a crazy past year. I'm so proud of you in so many ways. I would love for you to share, you know, over this past year and your struggles and what you went through, I don't even notice or shall we start on July 19 2021. Last summer, on that day. So I want to happen. I thought

it was August, July. I had been using psychedelics pretty heavily between NASA mushrooms and I had gotten these mushrooms with my friend. And we had taken him and we're kind of kind of just exploring around in the woods and everything, you know how usually goes and then I just started to feel this anxiety and a need to, to come home and I had a fear that there was someone watching me and someone just observing me and they had bad intentions. And I got caught

in a loop. And I ended up microdose and shrooms for about two weeks. And in sleep for about four days before the night of June, July 19. And the paranoia gotten so bad. And I couldn't tell the difference between reality and fiction. I couldn't tell the difference between my dreams and real life. I was projecting my friends is saying these things that they never said before. I would gaslight them and they would just be so confused about where I would get this information.

And to me it was it was all real. You know, like all these conversations I heard were completely real to me. And these people were after me and my family and I had to do something. And could you see them? Like did you see really? I felt like I had these conversations with these. These people? I

guess I didn't. Yeah, yeah. And then it had gotten so bad, where I was sleeping on my friend's couch for about a week, because I didn't want to go back to my apartment because I was scared something was gonna happen to me there. So when you are out in the woods, and you said you felt you felt that for the first time was it like, you're feeling good. And then all of a sudden, there was a flip of the switch kind of thing. It just went from zero to 100 and went from some side thought

to this is what's happening. And this is going to be the end and it's going to be life or death. And there's no in between, like as a mom, I hearing that and then not in me not knowing it at the time. Just hurts me to the core, that you're out there feeling that way, all alone and not feeling safe and not really knowing, you know who who to turn to at that time? Where are your feelings like of confusion? And I can't tell anybody. Like, why didn't you tell anybody right away?

I don't know. I thought there was conversations that we had that didn't happen. There's conversations. I mean, like this was all like I was, it was just another world. Like it was a completely different reality than what I know. Yeah. So scary. And then I thought there was this white challenger that had been seen pretty repeatedly. And I guess I'd put the dots together. Yeah. And I was like, Well, this guy was going to be

here to kill me. I knew I knew someone who drove a white Challenger and was not the greatest person. I assume that he was parked in front of my apartment to come get me. Yeah, so I stayed at my friend's place. And I had a date with my girlfriend, and she's gonna be my parents. And so I brought her in. We had a fun time we played Mario Kart, and we played on the trampoline. We watched rango we went to the pool. And just that whole time I was I was on pretty

heavy dose of mushrooms. That found out were later laced with acid but in the whole time, I just fell off. Like I just felt like something was gonna happen. And I felt like there like I wasn't safe. So I wanted to go jump off my girlfriend and dropped her off and said bye. And then I was gonna come straight home. And then there was this truck that looked identical to one of my roommates. And I thought it was following me. So I took all these different turns and kept

following me. And then I call my friend and I was like, I'm coming back to San Antonio. What are you doing tonight? And he's like, no, no. Have them come through and then I saw the white challenger pull it this is way far away from where my parents live. And I saw this same white challenger, probably not the same but a white challenger pull on front of me and then a big old truck pull up behind me. And so I was like, You know what

this is? This is probably it. So I threw my phone out the window drove down to Pleasanton, south of San Antonio, and got gas that I was being followed saw the saw another truck again. I was like, Oh, they're, they're gonna kill me. And so I got up on a bridge and was looking down at the semis coming down. And I don't know what told me not to do it. But I got back in my car, drove to the side of the road stood sit on the side of the road until about it was either one or

two o'clock. I was just standing right there watching the semis go by, like, I'm gonna do it. You mean jump? Yeah, jump in front row. Now, you never told me that. You would never tell me that. I asked you what you're doing in those two hours. And we dissected this thing. And you just kept saying, I'm not going to tell you. It doesn't matter. No, but I'm just saying it's the first time I've heard it. And then I was like, Nah, there's, like, there's gotta be another way. Some, I don't know.

I got back in my car pulled out, get back on the road, drove into San Antonio got the downtown. And then I thought I was still being followed at that they're still gonna come after me and my family and everything if I didn't, if I didn't kill myself. And looking back at it now, it was pretty crazy thing. But now I can't play myself. I was in serious psychosis. Oh, for sure. And there's this bridge that goes over downtown. And I was trying to figure out how to get on it. So I could jump off of

it. And I couldn't figure out a road to get up to the bridge. So I just kept kind of going in circles trying to find it back and forth. eventually ran out of gas, parked on the side of the road, put my wallet keys down, took a deep breath and then just got on right in front of a car. And then next thing I remember. I was in a hospital with a neck brace on. And they're putting a breathing tube in through my ribs, and putting stitches on my forehead and I was just happy to

be alive at that point. I woke up all fired up. I tell you, you woke up I was a fuck. Yeah. Still in it. You are? You are. I mean, what a miracle. What a miracle. Because you had something telling you that these people were going to kill you and you were trying to solve the problem, right? And then there was something or someone there with you. That was holding you back. And then your ways of trying to get over to that other bridge was confusing for a reason. And then you ran

out of gas. And then you're like, alright, well, I'm, I'm just gonna handle it from here. And you jump in front of a car on a highway, and you lived you not only lived but if anyone saw you today, no one would know. Like, you can walk you can talk you can use your arms and so your list of things where you had a bruised heart collapsed lung, broken clavicle, somewhat the scapula that was killing Yeah, I think it was cracked or something. Oh, I think it was just them jamming that breathing tube

through my ribs. I think it might have cut a tendon or something. I don't know. So I mean, all in all, you even with the you know the collarbone. You didn't have to have surgery that either was amazing. So afterwards, and then you're home. So you were in college, you had your own place. You were living your best life, all your buddies, your friends. This happens. And then the next thing you know you're at home with your parents. Tell me about

that space that you were in. And correct me if I'm wrong, but the hardest part would probably sure you're thankful you're healing but where's my life? Where did my life go? I think I was just so embarrassed. To the point. I was embarrassed and scared. And just guilty. Like, I felt like I just ruined everything I'd always worked for. Yeah, and then I never really told anyone this but uh After I got back home, I found my pain medication. And you'd always talked about hearing this, like, rain or

whatever. A ring in your air. Yeah. And you'd always talk about your, your dad, your grandpa. Yeah. And I was sitting on the couch and no one was home and I was just going through it like that, like my own. How was it? My health started after I did it. Like when I got back home, that's when I probably felt the worst of it. And I had a bunch of pills. In my hand, I had a bunch of like a bottle of

whiskey. And like, I could hear that ringing and I was like, Oh, my God, like, like, like I was looking at, like how many pills it takes to like, kill you how much you should drink. And then I just woke up, like, I just woke up and I had that stuff in my hand and I wouldn't put it back in the bottle and put the ball away and then put the whiskey bottle back in the thing and just leave you woke up. Like you just like I just fell asleep. Oh, you fell

asleep. And then when you woke up, you were like, Okay, I had it still on me. And I was like, oh, like, I'm glad I didn't do it. And did you? You got to that point, because you felt like you have just been stripped away of everything? How did you even move on? Go on? I just cast her as myself. Well, do you believe that today? No, fuck no. Why? Oh, no, it's still a work in progress. I'm still trying to build once you convince yourself that your body

is disposable. And that it means nothing to the world is really hard to get back to where you feel productive and you feel healthy and you feel spiritually intact. And that you got to know people are there to help you. And I just want to say for all the people that are have children or friends or other people that are going through a psychosis or anything like that they you just got to give them time and you got to be there for him. Because at that moment in their life, they think they are

just a disposable thing. They think they're there's no love for them left in the world. And that's completely not true. That's right. Yeah. That was really good. That's as a really good point. And that's pretty much what I told that lady that I was moving out that her daughter was going through the same thing. She thought her house was bugged by the CIA. So they hired our moving company to come move them out. And I don't remember I think Avery said something about

it. He he was like, yeah, do you hear that? They're moving her out? Because she's scared. She's bugged by the CIA, all this stuff. And I was like, no. So and talk to the lady and I told her pretty much that same thing. Just be there for it's gonna get better. Yeah, as long as you're there. As long as she's close to you, it's gonna be better. And we both started crying and gave each other hugs. How did that make you feel? Like I was worth something. Was

that a moment? Or was there ever a moment before where you went? This happened for a reason in a minute. I have a testimony and I want to help people. I've never felt that until then. That was the first time and that was. That was probably two weeks ago. So it was just a I was just so confused for so long, like wondering, like, why, like, what did this event do to me, to affect me in a positive way. And I've been trying to just, I think I've just been ignoring the obvious of, I'm here to help

people. I'm here to help people that are going through the same thing. That's right. That's exactly right. And, you know, we live our life and we go through, and we think it's supposed to be a certain way. And then, you know, man plans, God laughs Just like my day to day, you know, you think you have something worked out and it just, but I've learned that if I just hold on, I just had this conversation today with Tara. I've learned that if I just calm down and not freak out. There's a reason why

and it's always 100%. He's got something better. Now I'm talking on a small level. Right. But what you went through and what other people are going through right now is major is huge. I've never heard of it until the last year. I mean, we've had three people from our high school die from suicide or suicide related incidents based off the psychosis,

right. And I just heard on the radio the other day, that one out of four girls, teenage girls last year, either attempted suicide or thought about it, and we're gonna plan it. We've got to rise up and do something and what The only thing that I know what to do is to tell our stories have a place for people to connect, have information, feel like, oh, wow, look, there's somebody else that knows exactly how I feel, I feel so alone, and maybe I don't feel so

alone anymore. You know. And I have been praying and praying, you know that for you. And for you to be able to see your purpose and this and to believe it. And I'm in praying for a moment when you call or when you texted Dad and I a couple of weeks ago, and you said that you were working with Whitey is moving company, it was called there to help a lady move. And she was having to move the furniture around because she thought the CIA was there and

had bugged her home. And you had gone through a lot of those exact same feelings. And it's not just one night, it's, it's a state of the well being in the way you're living. So it's not like you were just on drugs and stayed on drugs when you came home, or do you know, taking mushrooms, you were still in that state for months. It takes time. I'm so proud of you for reaching out and helping her and I know that God has big plans for you. And this is just the

beginning miles. I'm so happy that we've gotten through it. I'm so thankful to God that He saved your life continued to save your life. And it's been hard and it's been a long ass haul, like every day. So what are those things? That you do that, that help you every day? Like for Sophia, she you know, she talked about COVID? And what, you know, the downers of that and what she did to help her? What are some of the things that you know, that help you? I think for me, number one would

be friends. Really? Yeah, I never said I love you to anybody except my parents until a year ago. And you don't really realize how much people love you until you express your love back to them. I mean, there's so many people that are on your side rooting for you. You just need to give them the energy they put into you. Yeah, that's right. That's when you can run the world. I mean, having close friends, people that are almost family to you are. And I consider my friends family at

this point. I mean, they have been there through my worst. And that's, yeah, that's a blessing. And speaking of friends, I was gonna say this earlier, so I'm so glad you brought it up. When you said, you know, to tell somebody or have friends. You know, if if anyone is concerned about their child, talk to their friends. Because what run it after it happened and and talk to a couple of your friends. You know, they were they had been concerned for a couple of months about things and they seemed

confused. And I mean, I would encourage parents just to talk to your kids about other kids. Meaning, tell the story. Tell them if they have a friend that something's off, and it's consistent for days, reach out, say something to that friend,

say something to the parent. I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say I would have never known that my daughter just took those pills unless her friend didn't just text me and tell me, you know, like, and that's how she saved her daughter's life when she wouldn't have if, if that friend wouldn't have reached out and, and texted her mom and let her know. It takes a community as much as you know, I hear it especially now after COVID Oh, I hate people. I don't like to be

around people and I get it. I don't either. But we do need people. We need people that lift, lift us up and that encouraged us to be better. And then when we talk we're not talking about other people. Were talking about life. We're talking about us getting better. Our struggles. You know, the Bible says you know iron sharpens iron. Find that friend that pushes you a little bit challenges you a little bit

That's real love. Someone that just wants to talk the dirty or do the dirty have just a drinking buddy or whatever that's I've never seen Seen it and well, and so what other things do you do? Like? Do you take supplements? Do you exercise like those kinds of things? I know sleep is very important, right? I say sleep exercise and getting

outside. I mean getting outside, we're so like in today's world, especially with COVID, we're all working inside and everything we don't we don't see the sun that much at this point. So one of the supplements I take is vitamin D. When I was in Wyoming, they preached on this pretty heavy because it snows nine months out of the year. So

you're inside all the time. And people get chemically depressed, because of lack of sunlight and lack of exposure to vitamin D. So taking vitamin D, I think is one thing that helped me with not just depression, but anxiety. Working out, I try to work out five times a week, that might be excessive, but that's what I need personally. And sleep is probably one of the number one things to along the friendship. And when one of those things are a little off, then you can kind of tell

the difference. But it's such a big part of your healing right now. Absolutely. If there was someone that was listening right now, and you're just talking to them, and they're feeling out of sorts, like you are maybe a year ago, what would you tell them? That's a hurdle. I don't know, I feel like one thing that I've done after that is checking up on people. I feel like when I was going through it, I felt

like I was the only one. There's a lot of times that I block people out, just go completely off the grid and not talk to anybody. And if you know someone like that, reach out to them and offer them time, like time isn't the number one thing you can offer someone who's gone through something like that? Because they feel they're so trapped in with themselves. exposing them to love and your care and your time is the greatest thing you could offer someone. And I'm agree with that. That's

truth. So we're about what nine months within birth in that babies since July 19. Here we are. And you're feeling better. It's a struggle, because I think it affects everybody so differently. Medications are so different, the amount of medication is so different. So is it more like a trial and error with a medication? I don't know how I should feel because I felt a certain way for so long. That I don't know what

is normal to people. So at this point, I'm just I let them know how I let my psychiatrist know how I feel. But I don't know if there's another medication that we better. I don't know if I'm taking the right one, but I'm just taking what they prescribed me at this point. Working with it. Yeah. Well, one of the things that I've learned is, that's, that's a whole nother struggle in itself is the medications.

There's a lot out there. And you know, we've known other people to be on a lot more medication than you like a lot, almost to where they seem zombie ish. So I want to tell everybody, finding the right psychiatrist, the right therapist is is so important to get the medication, right, and to support them. So just because they start on a medication, even after a couple of weeks, I mean, you've got to monitor it, you've got to be in discussion and how you're

feeling. And it's hard because they don't want to talk about it. So there's, that's tricky too. But keep trying and keep pushing and keep fighting to find the right one. Because you are different, you're an individual, you might not have to be on medication for very long, you might have to be on for the rest of your life. But getting better is what God wants and has healing for you and has a life for you to live and not just be stuck in that miserable place. One of the things that we

tried to do was meditation. And I remember that used to talk to me about being in Wyoming at school and going out in the mountains and you can meditate for hours and all that stuff. Do you avoid meditating now? Yeah. Oh no. I feel like meditation is very good for you. If If you're in the right state of mind, I think for some people, meditation is just a constant ringing of thoughts in

their head. I feel like leaving some people with their own thoughts is not probably the health, healthiest thing in the world. Sometimes people just need not a distraction, but someone else to show them how to be. It's hard to learn how to be happy, but show them that there is possibility to be content with the Well, I think we got to be content with our with ourselves. Because if we're happy on the inside, then it didn't matter.

You know, I could have 15 crazy dogs running around me tearing up my carpet, but I could either be super happy or super mad. It just really depends what I choose inside. And that's what I've been learning for myself as an adult. And I've been going through these steps and trying to learn and see how can I teach my kids? How can I make myself

feel better? Well, I've had to go on the inside to figure that out, and learn how to meditate and used to I would just look at the back of my eyelids and like you have those thoughts. My belief, it's, we're, we our own worst enemy. We are the ones with our ego. We're the ones that are choosing to stay on the thoughts. I'm not talking someone that, you know, you couldn't control a lot of it. You know, with having a mental illness, it's different. So we're going to slowly work back

into that. But I know that we've been talking with Aaron about EMDR, which is amazing, the app, the rapid eye movement when they talk and it helps you process trauma, and work through it in a healthy way. So then those memories are kind of set aside. This is all my doctor carry opinion here. And then I would once I got through that and then start incorporate incorporating meditation to where you can sit and not be traumatized with that. Has she talked to you about doing that?

Yeah, we talked about it a little today. We didn't end up getting around to it. We were pretty in depth in our conversation, but it's definitely something I want to try. Well, I think this is amazing. And I think we've only scratched the surface here. Absolutely. I mean, I can't even I'm so proud of you. Like everything you said in the way you said is

just so good. Thank you for listening to chatterbox radio, unraveling the untold if you have a great story that you want to share to inspire courage, or just reach out, please do email us at podcast at the chatterbox radio.com Until then, imagine breathing and all the love all the joy that you can possibly imagine filling yourself up and go be a blessing to the people around you. Because they need you